The fable of Pin and Cat

Have you ever wondered the same question that I wonder every single day; the question that haunts my very ability to assemble cohesive thought; the very question that is key to the resurrection of the Golden age for Humans. Why, just why are cats so infatuated with rolling pins?

Not long ago, was when a small cat, but not the cat we today know, strolled into a market lot. Yes, a market lot. It was a market lot that sold culinary equipment, yes, the culinary weapons you use to cut your food, and fodder, and she just happened to gaze upon the most beautiful piece of wood she had ever seen. It was golden, reflected in the sunlight from the deciduous forest that it blessed with eternal happiness and freedom. Cat picked it up. She left the stall, but what is important to notice is that she forgot to bestow the previous owner with the owner necessary to complete the transaction that had been haughtily misconceived and rushed. This would later be the downfall of the Cat.

That shopkeeper was the one person who had the ability to kill Cat. And was Cat killed? No. Why not? Enter the Pin of Rolling.

The Pin of Rolling was a great invention that was discovered in the ancient Babylonian time. It is to be used to roll any soft material with great ease and much less tediousness. The political friction introduced along with this device was so great that it kick-started the Great Northern Wars, the Napoleonic Wars, World War I & II, and the Protestant Reformation introduced by Henry VIII in England. You may be thinking: "Now how the Tartarus is this possible?" Well, I tell you, from the deepest crevice in my solid pumping heart, that if not for Cat's great legacy, none of this would have ever happened.

Cat had never had any deep passion for the slim piece of circular timber. It was never anything remarkable to begin with, but she could see another aspect of the Thing. What it was, she could not place. At the time, she never knew it was worth her stealing it and going through all the pain that was brought by the owner and his uncontrollable fury, that would burn a deep scar into her, that she would never forget.

Oscar was his name. Oscar had always been a lonely soul that wandered from place to place. Never accepted fully, he sought a deeper connection with something, but that something never came to his reality, and he was stuck in the eternal fear, washing up and down the Earth, but never lodging safely in a warm and inclusive harbour, never feeling safe. He did not know what to do. Finally, he settled for a peaceful life at the verge of an atrabilious village. Left alone, he accumulated an unsettling amount of avarice and pique to everyone he inadvertently encountered. And it just so happened to be that the jolly Cat had to be his cork-opener; his spark for ignition.

Upon noticing that his Pin of Rolling had been unfaithfully snatched, he settled on a picturesque hill. Rapidly unveiling his cloak, Oscar drew his hands into a tight formation, then proceeded to twist them upwards, to the clouds, that had begun to collect an unnatural amount of precipitation. In one swift movement, he drew his spectre, and thrust it into the soft, fertile soil beneath his legs. He cackled in a loud voice, but his facial contours expressed a different sort of emotion; one of extreme over-boiling of pain, anguish, and solitude; such raw feelings would soon be released onto Cat. A dark plume of gas spilt from his form, and silently crept away from the premises, on the grounds that they would obey their master. It sought through half the country, finally to land on Cat's household: there was no going back.

Cat suddenly fought a great seizure, that had already managed to spread across her whole body, only to once more, be infected with an even greater mass of resentment, and burning hatred. Her only solace in this plight was, of course, the great Pin of Rolling that had caused the mess in the first place. Grabbing the wood, she groaned suddenly, the Pin enveloped her with a new light, a golden one, that radiated with a recuperative aura that thickened by the second, before she was entirely cocooned by a mixture of negative and constructive emotions. She writhed on the floor for what felt like an eternity, before the mix of magical precenses began to recede further and further away. She sighed a breath of relief, as a cabbage began to tumble down, and fall on her forehead, Startled, she looked up, only to see a pair of glaring eyes, directly nailing hers. It was those of Oscar. Due to his high-level spell he cast, his form was taken from him, and he was put in that of a cabbage. Cat picked the cabbage up, and against the pleas of Oscar, beat it to one-thousand pieces with the Pin of Rolling.

Cat had struck a tenuous relationship with Pin, after consuming a great meal of cabbage soup, they took flight to a more loving area, where they created a whole legacy of descendants. She then created a holy dojo, where she strengthened the minds of her children. The only way to become a fully fledged Puser(pin-user), you must graduate with the consent of the Original Pin and Cat. To do this, you must take part in an exam of two parts. You must be able to bear the great pain of a tumble of great clashing emotions. And lastly, one must be able to hunt down eighteen Oscars, around the globe-coax them into turning into a cabbage, then eating them.

~flash-forward~

"So you said you went to Hokkaido Mountain to train, Cat?"

"Yeah, I was pretty good friends with the Cat, as I taught her some common slang language, I mean, what do you expect? She's three-hundred years old, for Saint-Pin's Sake!"

"Yeah, I'm quite surprised actually."

"What?"

"That you didn't seek out that young Oscar we met the other day, the one on the GGO barefoot team."

No response.

"Cat?"

"I did."

AN: I know I haven't been around for a while, and don't expect me to be around for that long either, just enjoy me like a hot Cappuccino in a freezer; I'll go cold soon. I'll try though…

I've already gone cold, a$ cold a$ the GGO community.

It'$ a joke. It'$ a joke. IT'$ A JOKE. We'll be back.