Chapter 23- You're The Last Thing On My Mind

Summary: Kurt doesn't expect the message, but he definitely welcomes it.

Rating: T

Characters: Kurt Hummel, Noah Puckerman

AU: Kurt broke up with Blaine at the end of senior year.

Kurt sighed as he tapped his laptop keyboard, frustrated. It was almost 1AM and his writer's block was fully intact tonight. Isabelle had asked him to write a short review on the fashion show she had allowed him to sit in on that weekend and he simply could not write it. He knew everything he wanted to say, but the words wouldn't come out. His fingers hit random keys with some feeble hope that they would make a word that would inspire his ramblings about fashion. Maybe it was the pressure, he thought, but that didn't make much sense because Kurt always worked well under pressure. His eleventh hour NYADA audition song chance was a sign of that. He didn't get in, but his performance was one of the best of his life, beaten maybe by Being Alive, which again was under an intense amount of pressure.

So Kurt could rule out high pressure.

As he started to type his name over and over again just to keep his fingers nimble, a message from Facebook popped up on the adjacent tab. Kurt cursed having it open at all, but it was a way for him to procrastinate and then come at his work with a fresh pair of eyes.

So far, it wasn't working.

Rolling his eyes at his lack of willpower and high levels of inquisitiveness, he clicked on the tab and read the message that popped up.

Hey

You up?

It was from Puck.

Kurt frowned. Puck was a night owl much like himself these days, so it wasn't surprising that he was awake. It was surprising that the message was so out of the blue. Kurt wasn't going to reply, but then he remembered the promise he had made before graduation about being there for his Glee Clubbers, especially the guys. He had sang a Madonna song about them, for heaven's sake!

So he replied, blinking and sipping his Red Bull in a desperate attempt to fool himself into thinking that he was awake.

Of course, when am I not?

What happened next was not expected at all.

Bit down.

Fancy a talk.

How you been?

Kurt tilted his head, biting his lip. Puck had never once come to him when he felt down, he usually went to Finn, Quinn or even Rachel. Sometimes it was Coach Beiste, but Puck was in L.A and he had nobody out here. Quinn was busy with Yale, Rachel was barely even speaking to Kurt at this point of NYADA obsession and Finn was training in the army.

So Kurt guessed it was down to him.

Not bad, not great, it's a bit of an in between if I'm honest.

What's going on with you? Everything okay?

I'm here to listen to anything you want or need to say.

Kurt wasn't sure if that was the thing Puck wanted to hear, but he guessed he'd find out.

Don't wanna bring you down.

Won't lie

Took quite a lot of drugs.

Kurt resisted the urge to roll his eyes. That was so Puck of him. He was about to respond when another message came through.

Fancy something light hearted

Kurt could do that. He wasn't too in the mood for a deep chat at this point in time.

Well, I have a few funny Grindr stories, if they're not too gay for you ;)

Hit me.

Some guy messaged me on Grindr saying that he saw me on the train and then suggested that I meet him in the bathroom for a quickie.

Kurt was in no mood to relive that particular message thread.

I've had quite a few messages actually from guys saying that they've seen me around places. Places that I haven't been.

Some guy was asking me if I was out at a club last night because I looked like a hot guy he saw. I said no but accepted the compliment anyway!

Sounds like New York's crawling with guys lining up to date Kurt Hummel.

It's definitely different than Ohio. But I don't understand how so many people get me confused. I have quite a unique look about me.

To some, all gay people look the same, which is stupid.

How's that been going for you, anyway?

Found any cute guys?

Kurt was confused as to the line of questioning, but this was Puck's cheering up party, so he humoured it.

Not been with anyone since Blaine and I broke up all those months ago. Been a dry spell to be honest.

Not your fault I'm sure.

Sure they're missing out.

Kurt frowned, tapping out an irregular rhythm on his desk.

Oh, of course not. I'm wonderful and someone will appreciate that eventually. I don't want to rush anything.

No quickies in toilets then?

There was the Puck he knew. Always about other people having sex. He loved sex stories. Kurt was half tempted to give him one that was fabricated, but he decided against it.

Not in standard class ;)

Kurt didn't feel like that was enough. He ruminated on it for a second before letting his fingers tell the story he always wanted to.

I don't know, I always like the idea of being with someone but when a guy actually comes along, he's either not my type or I just don't really feel like doing anything about it.

Kurt was surprised at his own honesty.

Aww.

That's sad to hear.

No one?

He wasn't sure why Puck was pressing the issue so much, but he went with it anyway.

I've been into a few guys over my time, but they've either been straight because that's my type apparently, or Blaine.

Can I ask you something really discreetly?

As in something I'm only asking because I'm a bit fucked up.

Kurt was suddenly scared.

You can ask me anything.

What type of guy are you into.

Not what he expected.

There's no real type, I guess. But as long as he's taller than me, intelligent and knows how to make me laugh with a good taste in music, then I'm all sorted.

Not specific at all then ;)

Not really.

Can I tell you something?

On the DL?

Now Kurt was scared.

Please promise.

Of course. I won't say anything.

Always been pretty confident about my sexuality.

Okay…

As in, there's never been any other guys that made me question it.

Kurt suddenly knew where this was going.

Until you.

And Kurt's world spun. Even though he knew it was happening, it was a shock. Puck was into him? Over senior year, they had grown quite close. Puck had helped him with his fake ID for Scandals. He had even joined on a few nights. As a vehemently straight guy, of course.

Or maybe not.

I…I don't really know what to say. I'm very flattered.

I also know that it's a confusing thing to deal with so if you want to talk about it at any time, just let me know.

Kurt exhaled deeply. That was how they'd handle it at the Trevor Project, right?

Thats

That's just the thing

I am pretty confused.

But I don't want you to think this is just because I'm a bit fucked up.

Kurt wasn't sure if he believed that.

No, not at all!

Liar.

You're just allowing yourself to let your guard down, that's all.

The only advice I can give you is to just do what makes you feel good and what makes you happy. No matter what anybody else thinks or says about it, your happiness should come first.

Satisfied, Kurt wiped a bead of sweat from his head. This was turning out to be one for the books.

I just want you to know

I've been thinking about it for a while

And I'm sorry I never had the balls to mention it before I left Ohio.

Oh god no! Don't apologise for that, ever. Everything comes in its own time.

Kurt nodded to himself.

Please don't mention this to anyone

It's not you

I just don't think I'm really gay.

It's only you.

And if that made Kurt feel a little bit charmed, well he was only human, right?

I won't say anything, I promise. I'm a good secret keeper. I don't think you're gay either, don't worry about that.

And remember, you don't have to put a label on anything.

It really helps to hear you say that.

I just want to be honest with you.

Well, it was more than he'd gotten from Puck in the past few years. A lot more.

I really appreciate that, thank you for talking to me about it.

Ugh, that sounds like a formal email, but you know what I mean.

I just don't want you to feel awkward about this.

I've got enough of that for the both of us.

But I've had…thoughts

Kurt knew immediately where this was going.

I don't feel awkward, I promise.

I don't want to pry at what seems mightily obvious, but what thoughts exactly?

…NSFW thoughts ;)

Ah, thought so. Just wanted to check.

What are you doing now? ;)

Oh god. Oh no.

Just working on something for Vogue.

Kurt kept it as brief as he could without lying while avoiding the issue entirely.

Ah I see.

You uh…

Alone?

Wait, what are you suggesting?

Kurt needed to hear him say it.

I just want to try something

You're free to say no

And we can forget this

Kurt's heart hammered in his chest

Well, I'm interested, believe me I'm interested. But I don't think that's a particularly good idea at the moment.

Why not?

You're confused, you don't really know what you want yet and you're not thinking clearly. Take some time, sober up and if you still want to try something, I think we can.

I guess that makes sense.

Okay.

Sorry Kurt.

Oh, don't apologise. Please don't.

Can I ask you something, though? Out of curiosity?

Of course.

These thoughts of yours…are they purely sexual in their nature or are they romantic? You don't have to answer if you don't want to, by the way.

And Kurt waited.

Honestly?

I couldn't tell you

Like I say, I'm really confused about the whole thing.

I just know that whenever you're around, you seem really cute.

And you've been in my thoughts more and more recently.

Just wanted to get it in the open before it became unhealthy

That was sweet. And also very mature of you.

Thank you, I just was just curious.

I have my moments.

Remember, thoughts are 100% normal and don't mean anything

See, I think they do.

I think a lot and when you show up as much as you do, it just makes me think about the opportunities I missed.

They wouldn't be opportunities without you taking some time to think about it and talk to me about it like you have, we might have made our friendship awkward if you didn't talk to me about it.

Very good point.

Kurt rather thought so.

I just want you to know that when the timing is more appropriate, there are things I think about quite a lot.

Things…I would like to do, to help me feel more myself.

And I want you to know that I'm only a text away.

Thank you. Same to you, if you want advice or just type shit to someone or call someone I can do that too.

Appreciate that. Really, I do.

I miss you, Kurt.

And I hope we can do what I've been thinking about soon. For both our sakes.

I miss you too, Puck. Maybe I'll find myself taking a trip out to L.A soon…

Sleep well

When do I ever? But I appreciate the sentiment. I hope you sleep well, though.

Sure I will now my head's a bit clearer.

I'm glad. I'll speak to you tomorrow or something, okay?

Of course.

Can't lay shit like that on a cute guy then air him

That just wouldn't be right.

Oh, stop you ;)

Never.

Kurt wasn't going to reply to that, so he clicked out of the window and returned to his writing about skirts.

The cursor flashed for several seconds without anything happening. Kurt breathed a heavy sigh and realised that he wasn't going to get any work done that night.