Chapter 30 - Mine

Sam pulled back from the warm hug, watching the love of his life stroll down the hallways of Dalton Academy, barely remembering to resume his part in the choral harmony. Truth be told, he was barely singing anyway. He had too much going round in his mind to pick up his cues.

The love of his life was about to get engaged to someone else.

The way Sam saw it, that warranted at least a little absent-minded harmonising. He knew he wasn't hitting his notes but, if he was being honest with himself, he was perfectly fine with not making Blaine's proposal the greatest event in human history. His history with Blaine was long and tiring.

First he comes back to McKinley with Blaine's presence there, which is irritating enough before he basically calls Sam a prostitute for trying to bring some much needed charisma to the depleted New Directions' Sectionals performance. Sam was genuinely trying to be helpful, although he was somewhat trying to impress Kurt. It was a dumb move, but if he could use his hips to make Kurt remember his feelings for Sam the previous year, it would have been worth it.

Then he and Blaine struck up some kind of alliance when the seniors graduated, realising that they would be the ones to lead the group. Even with the addition of Marley, they needed more work. Sam loved Tina, really, but she had yet to embrace her talent in a way that boosted her confidence. She had seemed to think that the Glee solos had been passed down to her by Rachel and that was all that was needed. Blaine had quickly let her know that it wasn't to be like that.

Once Sam had become Blaine's running mate for class president, their friendship had become about something other than Glee. But it seemed like two days after the election that Blaine had cheated on Kurt.

Cheating on Kurt was something Sam could never forgive Blaine for. He was lucky enough to have him, so why would Blaine fuck that up? Sure, distance was a problem in a lot of relationships, but that didn't mean that Blaine had to cheat. Kurt hadn't cheated, and it wasn't exactly difficult to not sleep with someone. Especially someone that Blaine had met on Facebook.

Sam had decided that he could put up with Blaine until graduation, but then that stupid crush came around. Blaine had suddenly went from needing Kurt back, visiting him at Christmas, sleeping with him at the wedding, and then deciding that Sam was the one he wanted. He didn't know what was going on in Blaine's head, but he had sung Sam that stupid song, and then it was all about proposing to Kurt. It had been two weeks since Guilty Pleasures week and they had endured a potential school shooting, some hard truths, and Regionals. And now Blaine was insisting that he was emotionally ready to marry Kurt? Sam didn't believe a single second of it.

So why hadn't he intervened? Not including his initial reaction, of course. But why had he helped to plan this, knowing that it probably wouldn't end well, given Blaine's tendency to change his mind every two weeks?

Sam knew deep down that there was only selfish answer to that question.

He wanted Kurt and Blaine's engagement to break down, leaving Kurt single, probably for good.

He knew that Kurt did care about Blaine, but he wasn't sure that Kurt loved him, at least not in the way that Sam loved Kurt. A sudden, horrible realisation struck Sam as he did his requisite soul-searching.

If he really loved Kurt, then why was he subjecting him to such pain in form of this engagement? True love would be letting Kurt find happiness, even if it wasn't Sam loving him. He was letting Blaine propose him, doubting Kurt would say no, and letting their doomed relationship play out from there.

He knew that Kurt still hadn't properly forgiven Blaine for cheating, even though Blaine had done his best to manipulate the other boy's emotions in such a way that would ensure that he do so. Kurt wasn't stupid, but he had spent so long feeling like he would never find love, that Sam was fairly sure he was settling for Blaine.

Not that Sam was bitter or anything.

And now Sam was out of time to talk Kurt out of it.

He stood behind Blaine, watching Kurt all the while. He knew that Kurt was aware of what was happening. Kurt had probably sniffed it out during their courtyard performance (one which Sam had noted was yet another instance of Blaine steamrollering over his soon-to-be fiancé) that very week.

He was doubtful that Kurt knew about Blaine's crush on Sam, however. A part of him thought that if Kurt knew, maybe he'd think differently about what Sam knew he was going to say to Blaine once the spiel stopped.

While Sam conceded the set up of the proposal was romantic and charming, everything else was just a little bit warped.

In his mind he played the real version of events as though Blaine was saying them.

"Oh hey, Kurt, I love you. Even though I cheated on you and spent the last few weeks believing that I was in love with somebody else, I really do think we should be together forever. Even though lately we've been growing apart and I've proven that I can't stay faithful to you, let's get married and spend our lives together, okay?"

Yep. Sam was definitely bitter.

It was an involuntary response to witnessing what was going on before him. Mr. Schuester gave him a slight frown, but Sam just looked away, keeping his eyes on Kurt, who looked like he was doing a really huge mathematical calculation in his head, eyes flickering everywhere but at Blaine.

And then he looked at Sam.

And Sam tried very hard to communicate everything he was feeling in one glance, like he was telepathic. It was not the first time Sam wished he was part of the X-Men. Then Kurt would know everything and have all the information. It wasn't fair of Blaine to withhold important things from him that might have impacted Kurt's answer, but he realised that was probably why Blaine did it. Blaine was smart, he knew exactly what he was doing.

As Sam blinked, he found the time passing by, whipping in front of his eyes. The moment felt surreal in his mind and he needed something to tether him to reality. So he looked at Kurt once again.

"And I just feel so lucky that I found you so soon in this lifetime, because all I want to do, all I've ever wanted to do, is spend my life loving you. So, Kurt Hummel, my amazing friend, my one true love, will you marry me?"

Blaine sank to one knee, an awkward position on the stairs which left Kurt truly towering over him, eyes sparkling with tears.

"Blaine…"

A spike of hope shot through Sam's body as he recognised Kurt's tone. He'd spent years analysing everything about Kurt, he knew what that certain inflection meant.

"This whole thing was lovely, Blaine. And thank you to everyone for being a part of it, you must have worked hard to co-ordinate this."

Sam knew Kurt was stalling, trying to gather the confidence to do what he was about to do.

"I thought I knew what I was going to say to you, Blaine, but I…"

Any second now.

"Blaine, I can't marry you."

Gasps echoed around the space. Sam made a quick scan of the surrounding onlookers. Mr. Schuester, Rachel, Tina, and Artie looked appalled. Santana and Sebastian just gave a firm nod.

Sam's body didn't know what to do. It was like he had just witnessed a tragic accident, but the people involved were people he truly despised. He still felt the sheer mortification of seeing an accident, but he wasn't as destroyed as he could have been, and there was a sickening giddiness that erupted within him.

"I'm sorry," Kurt whispered and skipped past Blaine, who was glued to the stairs, tears slipping down his cheeks. If Blaine wasn't so hard-headed and ridiculous, Sam might have felt sorry for him. But he was in no shape to be getting engaged to anyone, and Sam had warned him about that. So had Burt.

Sam sighed and turned to Burt.

Burt shrugged, a strangely proud look on his face, trying to be disguised.

Before Sam could speak, he heard a sharp clap from atop the stairs.

Santana leaned over the railing and took a breath. "Show's over, morons." She took a moment to repeat the same gesture in sign language for the deaf school to understand. Sam was quickly surprised at her kindness. "If you can all go back to whatever it is you do with yourselves, that would be great." She signed again. The Haverbrook kids nodded and collected themselves, leaving Dalton as quickly as they came.

The Warblers dispersed next, some of them leaving campus, some of them heading towards the dorms. Sebastian gave Sam a steady look as he passed. Sam didn't know how to even begin dissecting that expression.

Vocal Adrenaline were already gone by the time he went to look for them. They were nothing if not efficient, and this proposal was probably eating into their precious rehearsal time. They were the best for a reason, Sam conceded, and he was glad they that weren't facing off with them at Nationals this year.

As Tina and Rachel went to pick Blaine up from the floor, they gave him a pleading look, Blaine turning around to stare at him too. They probably expected him to do something, to help Blaine in some way. But Blaine wasn't the one he was interested in seeing right now.

His legs were moving before his brain could comprehend, and suddenly he was out the door, looming over a crying boy who sat on the outside steps, quiet sobs followed by inaudible mutters of what Sam assumed had to have been tough love. Kurt always was his own harshest critic.

"Haven't seen you cry in a while," Sam spoke quietly as he sat down next to Kurt.

Kurt's hands moved to his eyes, dabbing them quickly. "Oh. Sam. I figured you'd be with Blaine."

Sam shrugged. "He has people. I noticed nobody had to come to check on you."

"I'm fine. But that was sweet of you, Sam. Not that I should be surprised at this point."

"You don't look particularly fine," Sam prodded gently.

"I'm not crying for the reasons you might think. I fell in love with Blaine, but I wasn't blind to him. It's just a horrible thing to have to have done to someone. They're on their knee, asking you to be with them for the rest of their life, and you say no. No matter what I feel for Blaine, it was hard to have done that to him."

"It would have been harder for you to say yes."

Kurt gave Sam a wry smile. "This is why you're so much smarter than everyone thinks you are."

Sam grinned crookedly. "You are looking at the recipient of the lowest SAT score in McKinley High history."

Kurt rolled his eyes. "So you don't know what 'incorrigible' means, doesn't mean you're dumb, Sam."

"Weren't we talking about Blaine?" Sam mumbled, blushing.

"Things hadn't been right with us for a long time. I'm talking senior year. Ever since West Side Story."

Sam frowned. "Because he got Tony?"

Kurt shook his head, breath hitching. "Nobody else knows about this, and you cannot tell my Dad, got it?"

Sam nodded.

"This was before you came back, and when Blaine first met Sebastian. We were at Scandals and Blaine was drunk and wanted us to have our first time in the back of my car. After he'd been dancing with Sebastian all night. And he wasn't gentle about it."

Sam's eyes widened.

Kurt gaped. "No, it's not what you're thinking. I mean, it was a little forceful, but Blaine's not that strong. Fighting him off wasn't hard."

"You shouldn't have had to fight him in the first place."

"Then I found out he wanted to sleep with me because Artie told him it would make his performance as Tony more convincing, because he and Rachel were so both obviously virgins."

Sam frowned. "That's bullshit."

Kurt nodded. "That's what I thought, too. I don't regret my first time being with him, though. It was a lot better than it could have been. Just ask Sebastian about his."

Sam smiled. "I don't think I want to."

"Trust me, you don't. After that, it was hard to find reasons to stay with Blaine other than he was my first boyfriend. I fell in love with him two years ago but I think I fell out of love with him somewhere along the way, but I didn't want to admit that my first relationship, the one that I'd been begging for since I was nine, had failed."

"I know you don't think you are, but you're allowed to make mistakes, Kurt."

Kurt nodded. "I know that now, I just realised it a little bit too late. I started catching during Whitney week last year."

Sam chuckled. "It's not right, but it's okay."

Kurt nudged him. "You read those texts that week."

"Oh yeah, Blaine completely overreacted. I mean, my little brother sends raunchier texts to his girlfriend and he's ten."

Kurt chuckled, sniffling. "He felt threatened, like I was already pulling away to prepare for New York. I knew he wouldn't be able to handle long distance."

"And then he cheated."

Kurt grimaced. "And then he cheated. I probably shouldn't have been shocked, Blaine always did love attention. And I got busy at Vogue and he couldn't handle it. I'll admit, I was less responsive than I perhaps should have been, but he acted like I left him when he encouraged me to go to New York. When he visited, he complained about me not being there and before he sang that song in the courtyard, I was prepared to stay in Lima until the winter semester of NYADA started."

Sam took all that of that in before he spoke. "Can I ask you a delicate question?"

Kurt nodded. "I'm cautious, but sure."

"We all know what went down between you and Karofsky two years ago. And if I'd have known the whole story then, I would've given him more than a black eye, Kurt. But did you transfer to Dalton partly to be with Blaine?"

Kurt smiled grimly. "You're the first person to ask that question. I've thought about that a lot, and I think that maybe I did. Blaine was the first openly gay man I'd ever met and it always seemed like he was flirting and he was interested in my life. I think that some part of me thought it was the only option.

"Dave was obviously the main reason, but that could have been handled. And I don't mean by you and Mike giving him a beatdown every day. Or Santana blackmailing him to keep him in check, though I appreciate the thought of both. I think I jumped at the chance to be closer to Blaine."

Sam shuffled the tiniest bit closer to Kurt. "Do you ever wonder what your life would be like if you never left?"

Kurt turned to him, as honest as Sam had ever seen him. "All the time. I might have gotten into NYADA first time if I'd gotten the role of Tony. But I still would have been lonely there. I wouldn't have had a boyfriend until halfway through my freshman year of college. And who knows if I would have even met Adam if not for Blaine cheating on me? There was no other chance of my finding anyone in high school."

Sam gritted his teeth. "Maybe you would have."

Kurt turned to Sam, brows furrowed. "You were at McKinley while I was, there was no other kids there who liked boys, Sam."

"That you knew of."

"What do you—?" Kurt's eyes shot wide open, bottom lip trembling.

Sam grinned emotionlessly. "Surprise."

Kurt swatted his arm. "Where were you during Duets week?"

"Busy being the High Prince of Narnia."

Kurt's eyes turned softer. "When did you figure it out?"

Sam felt the pain of his next words already. "The second you left McKinley. By the time you came back, you already had Blaine."

"And you…?"

"Liked you? Oh yeah."

Kurt sighed softly. "I liked you too, you know. Didn't really stop until you got with Mercedes."

"You were with Blaine then."

Kurt laughed. "I told myself enough was enough and that I already had a boyfriend, I should have let my best friend find hers."

"Mercedes and I were never right for each other. After Prom, we sort of told ourselves that it was supposed to happen, rather than letting it happen naturally."

"I think that's partly what I told myself about Blaine. That we met out of sheer coincidence, that he was out and he was cute, why shouldn't I have fallen in love with him?"

Sam nodded against his will. "That does make sense."

"When did you get over me?"

Sam's silence said it all.

"What? But…Brittany?"

Sam put his head in his hands. "I'm such a mess. Brittany was trying to get over Santana, and I was trying to get over you. We thought we could help each other."

"She did the same thing with Artie. She and Santana are going to sort themselves out eventually."

Sam smiled genuinely. "I hope they do."

Kurt took a moment to think. "Now the macaroni art makes sense."

Sam winced. "He told you about that?"

"Oh, he did. I want to see it, Evans. You best have captured my essence."

"I promise you won't be disappointed."

Kurt made a sound that was both a chuckle and a sob combined into one guttural noise. "I think you're the only person in my life who never has disappointed me."

"Surely not."

Kurt shrugged. "My Mom notwithstanding, everyone else has done something unsupportive or handled something in the wrong way. You seem to have done everything right, Sam Evans."

"Duets week," Sam reminded him.

Kurt waved him away. "None of that. Finn played both of us. I shouldn't have let him walk all over me."

"I should've fought harder for you. I really did want to sing with you."

Kurt smiled proudly. "Me too. But you and Quinn really were brilliant."

"We didn't hold a candle to you."

Kurt preened. "Not many do," he joked.

Sam was still thinking about Kurt's earlier statement about how Sam never disappointed him. Then he remembered that he definitely had.

"There's something I haven't told you."

Kurt's eyes widened. "More surprises? This day is testing my strength."

"I should've told you before today, I should've known that he wouldn't have."

"Who? Blaine?"

Sam nodded. "A few weeks ago, he…he told me that he had feelings for me. Well, actually I figured it out and told him that I knew. But still…"

Kurt stopped still. "Well now I'm even more glad that I turned him down. Though I can't say I totally blame him."

"What do you mean?"

"You might be the easiest person to fall for, Sam. Especially for a gay man. You're gorgeous, funny, caring, and you're so accepting of everyone."

"Don't forget honourable," Sam winked.

"Oh, how could I ever?"

They sat in a comfortable silence. Kurt realised that there was no pressure to talk, something that he only really experienced with Quinn and Mike, though the latter was more of an uncomfortable silence with both of them trying to think of things to talk about that weren't Tina-related.

"What are you going to do now?"

Kurt tapped his feet against the step, heaving a sigh. "Stay with my Dad for a few days and then head back to New York. I need to find a job that supports my NYADA schedule."

Sam rubs his hands together. "I can't wait to graduate."

Kurt smiled. "What are your plans?"

"I can't really get into college with my SAT score as low as it is, so maybe I'll try my hand at modelling."

Kurt smirked. "I can't imagine you'd have too much trouble with that one."

Sam raised his eyebrow. "Oh yeah?"

"I think you'd fit right in. You should come to New York."

"I'll think about it," Sam nodded back.

Kurt dusted off his pants and got to his feet.

Sam looked up at him, squinting. "Where are you going?"

"I suppose I have to talk to Blaine. Explain why I can't marry him. And break up with him, if that's what I'd even call it at this point. Can you do something for me?"

"Anything," Sam answered, a little too quickly.

"Can you explain some of this to Tina? She's been short with me ever since Mr. Schue's wedding that wasn't. I know she's been crushing on Blaine, but we've been friends for a long time now and she doesn't understand my side."

Sam nodded. "I can do that. As long as you promise to call me if you need me."

Kurt was a little taken aback by that, but nodded. "I can do that. Thank you, Sam. I always seem to be thanking you for something. If you need anything, don't hesitate. If you need somewhere to stay in New York, we can put you up at our loft."

Sam grinned. "Don't you use curtains as walls?"

Kurt bit his lip, which almost sent Sam into a coma. "Well, I guess you'll just have to keep the noise down." He sent a quick wink Sam's way back walking back into Dalton Academy. And yes, Sam was staring at his ass the whole way and Kurt knew it too. He was extremely intuitive like that.

When Sam thought about the future, everything was a giant question mark. Now he knew that Kurt Hummel would be a part of it. He wasn't sure exactly what capacity that would be, but he knew that he wasn't going to let that man go again if he could help it.