Active TWs: Depression, abusive relationships, emotional abuse
Passive TWs: Sexual assault, stalking, intimate partner violence, active shooter training, suicide prevention
3. Mid August: Avoidance
If there was one thing Blake really hated about her job, it was the training.
Just before every semester, and at the start of the summer, Blake was forced to sit through a week and a half's worth of training sessions. Some of them were changed and updated, but other aspects of them were repeated every time. It was miserable, especially with the unbearable mid-August heat and the massive lecture halls filled with the three hundred RAs who were all equally sweaty. It didn't matter that she literally hadn't stopped being an RA for one single day in over a year straight now - she still had to attend every session of training.
There were some positives. Sun and Ilia were back, and even though Blake was still on the quieter side, she appreciated their company. Being around other Faunus again, especially Faunus she could trust, was a nice change from being the odd one out all summer. Plus, the start of the new semester meant a chance to start fresh, to give herself a better year than the last.
Yet, despite her best intentions and hopes, Blake was still miserable.
The lecture hall was packed to the brim with the three hundred RAs that made up the largest student workforce at the University of Vale. It was far too early in Blake's opinion, although most people around her seemed rather lively for this 9:30am start to the day.
Okay, maybe 9:30 in the morning wasn't that early, but it was when you hadn't really had any sort of sleeping schedule for… well, a rather long time, to say the least.
The chatter and buzzing of RAs in the room was nothing more than background noise to Blake. Her entire body was slumped in her seat, even her ears drooping slightly in her exhaustion. Sun sat on one side of her, Ilia on her other. Sun's tail was wrapped around his waist, using it to flick through his training manual while he skimmed the day's agenda lazily.
"You doing okay?" Ilia asked, nudging Blake slightly.
"Hmm?" Blake hummed, looking up at her friend in confusion. She had been zeroing on watching Sun's tail flick back and forth for a while, her mind rather blank.
"I asked if you're doing okay," Ilia repeated.
"Oh, yeah. Just tired," Blake replied with a shrug.
Ilia raised an eyebrow. "You've been tired since training started."
Blake straightened her posture, trying to make herself seem at least a bit more awake. "Yeah, well, I just haven't really been used to sleeping in the heat for a while. You know how hot those dorm rooms get, especially this time of the year."
Ilia watched Blake with careful eyes for a few more moments before deciding that the excuse would have to be enough for now. She knew there was more going on, but this wasn't the place for it.
Tap tap. "One two, one two. Can you all hear me?"
Nor was it the time, as the entire room fell silent as the head of training tapped on the microphone at the front of the lecture hall. There were a few thumbs up from the back rows, to which the head of training nodded.
"Alright! Welcome to day three of training everybody! Let's get excited!"
The hall exploded into the cheers of, in Blake's opinion, far too enthusiastic RAs. She gave a half-hearted "Woo," before slumping back into her seat again.
As the head of training rambled on about the agenda for the day, Blake allowed her mind to wander. She wondered how Gambol was doing. She was probably sleeping right now, knowing her. Curled up in a tiny ball on Blake's pillow, giving tiny snores. The thought made Blake smile a bit. She couldn't wait to get back home to Gambol. The cuddles and purrs of her cat were far more interesting to her than…
"...and lastly, we'll be having a presentation from our friends over at the Title IX office on your role in handling cases of intimate partner violence, stalking, and sexual assault."
Blake's ears fell flat against her skull. Of course that would be today.
Her eyes flicked to her hall director, who sat at the end of the row. There was no way she was going to be able to sit through that presentation. She'd be allowed to excuse herself, for sure, but she'd have to explain things to him, as he was new to both the school and the area that Blake lived and worked in.
Maybe it would have been in her best interest to take a look at the schedule before the day began, but there was no changing that now.
"Blake?" Sun whispered, giving her a little nudge with his tail. "Did you hear that?"
"About the last presentation?" she whispered back.
"Yeah."
"Yes. I… gotta tell Drew." Her eyes flickered back to the hall director.
"Do you want some moral support?" Sun asked. "I can go with you if you want."
"Maybe. I don't know yet."
Sun gave a little nod. "Just let me know."
They both looked up, suddenly realizing that the head of training had finished her opening speech, and that people were starting to get up to head into the morning breakout sessions.
"Where are we going first? I zoned out a bit there," Blake asked.
"Uh, active shooter training," Ilia said, reading off the agenda in front of her. "Johnson Hall 402."
"Great," Blake mumbled, grabbing her bag from underneath her chair and standing up. "We love when they shove all of the emotionally heavy stuff into one day."
"Would it really be RA training if they didn't?" Sun joked, slinging his backpack over his shoulder and giving a mischievous smile.
Ilia let out a laugh. "You aren't wrong there," she replied, joining the crowd of people making their way out of the lecture hall, Sun and Blake not far behind.
By the time lunch rolled around, Blake was emotionally exhausted.
Well, it wasn't like she'd had a ton of emotional energy to begin with, or any energy at all, for that matter. Still, listening to an active shooter training for the fifth time now, immediately followed by suicide prevention training, hadn't helped a single bit. In fact, it made the conversation that loomed ahead of her all the more difficult.
"Blake," Sun said in a hushed tone as he sat down next to her at the long dining hall table reserved for the 20 person staff she worked on, herself included. "The next session…"
"I know," she replied softly, poking at her ketchup with a fry. "I…"
"You know it's going to be way worse if you go."
"I know," Blake replied, sighing. She put the fry down, not even bothering to eat it.
"Do you want me to come with you?" Sun asked.
She paused for a moment, thinking. "No. I need to do this by myself."
"Blake…" Sun muttered, shaking his head. "You don't have to do anything alone. We're here to help you when you need it." He pointed directly across the table with his tail, where Ilia was sitting, eating her lunch as she listened to the hushed conversation between her two friends.
"I know," Blake hissed back. "I need to do this alone, for my own sake." She stood up, looking down the table, not noticing the concerned look that Sun and Ilia shared.
Drew hadn't sat down just yet. Just beyond the table, he was pumping mustard onto his burger at the condiment stand on the edge of the dining hall. Blake turned on her heel, making a beeline for him.
I can't go to the session this afternoon. I just got out of a- I just dealt with a- I can't relive my -
"Hey Drew, can I talk to you for a second?" Blake asked, the words blurting out of her mouth the moment she approached him. She panicked for a moment internally. She couldn't even form a thought to explain herself, let alone speak it out loud.
Drew turned around, and smiled at Blake standing there. "Sure!"
"Can we go somewhere a little more private?" Blake asked, glancing towards the small hallway that led to the bathrooms.
Drew followed her line of sight, nodding once he realized what she meant. "Just let me put this plate down, 'kay?"
Blake nodded, and walked over to the hallway. A few moments later, Drew approached her again.
"What's up?" he asked.
"I can't do the session this afternoon. I…" she took in a deep breath. "I…"
Drew held up a hand, stopping here there. "That's fine, Blake. Personal reasons?"
Blake nodded, feeling her eyes start to water. Not now, ugh.
"You don't have to explain yourself in detail if you don't want to, especially not here and now. You can head back to the dorm after lunch. All I ask is that you come check in with me in my office after dinner tonight, okay?"
Blake nodded again, and Drew offered a small, caring smile. "Take your time before coming back to the table," he said, nodding towards the bathrooms before heading back towards the table himself.
She took the cue, heading into the women's bathroom. It was empty, much to her relief. She entered a stall, and the moment the door locked behind her, she dropped her head into her hands and let the tears begin to fall.
She couldn't lie. She was worried - no, terrified, that she wasn't going to be able to hold it together this semester. That the fresh restart she had been convincing herself she would have this semester was never going to actually happen.
It was a real fear. She couldn't repeat last semester, she just couldn't. Academically, she'd be screwed. Emotionally, she might actually hit her real breaking point, which quite frankly, it was a goddamn miracle that it hadn't happened yet.
It was a thought that slipped into her brain regularly. What if she was never really going to get over him? What if she wasn't able to break out of this depressive episode? Was it even an episode at this point if it had gone on for eight months straight? What if the summer hadn't really been the refreshing break she had been telling herself it was?
No, no, no. Blake, you stop that right now.
Blake pulled her head up, grabbing some toilet paper to wipe at her eyes. She was not going to spiral like this. Not here, not now, not in this random bathroom stall in the dining hall.
Her phone buzzed in her pocket. She pulled it out, seeing a message from Sun.
S : U ok?
Blake took a deep breath, tapping on the message.
B : Yeah, just had to use the bathroom. Be back in a minute.
Another deep breath.
Just because she couldn't handle sitting through training on that stuff right now didn't mean she wasn't doing better. Last semester, hell, she probably wouldn't have even been able to read the words on the agenda without having a panic attack.
Progress takes time. She just had to remember that.
Breathe in, breathe out. Wipe away the tears again. Breathe in, breathe out.
It was time to head back out to lunch. All she had to do was eat lunch, keep up an okay face, maybe even engage in conversation for a bit, and then she got to go back to her dorm and spend the rest of the afternoon with Gambol.
The thought of spending the afternoon curled up with Gambol brought a small smile to Blake's face.
Now that, that was a goal she could work towards.
The moment Blake put her keys into the lock on the door, she heard the familiar jingle of Gambol's collar. A smile on her face, she pushed the door open to find the black cat trotting towards the door, chirping happily at the sight of Blake.
Closing the door behind her and sliding her bag off to the side, Blake crouched down on the ground, getting all kinds of love in the form of headbutts, chirps, and purrs from Gambol.
"I've only been away for a few hours, silly," Blake told her cat, who was acting as if she'd been away for a week.
"Oh, I love you too," Blake replied to another chirp with a smile. She scooped up the cat, giving her a smooch on her head before standing up and walking over to the bed.
Gambol immediately began trotting up and down the length of the bed, stopping occasionally to headbutt her way into Blake's hand, or to keep Blake petting one spot instead of letting her hand run down the length of the cat's body.
Blake continued the petting session for a long while, devoting all of her attention to Gambol. It was so nice, the escape that Gambol brought her. At least for now, nothing else in this world mattered but this black cat who loved nothing more than a nice scratch between the ears and some undivided attention.
After an unknown amount of time, Blake's phone buzzed again. She pulled it out of her pocket, checking the text.
Ilia : You made the right choice on skipping this, they've got someone new presenting and it's going so bad I think she might get fired...
Blake blinked twice at the screen, before rapidly typing a reply.
B : Wait, what?
I : I won't go into too many details, cause I know you skipped for a reason, but she keeps questioning the validity of the Me Too Movement in a really bad way
B : S
I : Sun and I just keep looking at each other because by god this is a shitshow
B : Good fucking luck, it sounds like you need it
I : Thanks
I : We'll be seeing you at dinner, right?
B : Yep, I'll be there probably before y'all get back. I'll get our staff a good table
I : Awesome, see you then
Blake locked her phone, tossing it to the side. She sighed, looking at Gambol.
"Why are people so awful?" she asked her cat, resuming the petting session, which Gambol was quite happy about. "Why can't people just relax and just respect each other?"
Another chirp from Gambol caused Blake to give a small laugh.
"Me too, Gambol, me too."
Blake had spent the rest of the afternoon petting Gambol and taking a short nap together. Gambol had curled up on Blake's chest, the two of them purring in sync. Once the alarm she had set on her phone went off, she dragged herself out of her dorm room and back out to the dining hall for dinner.
One of the most annoying things about training, in Blake's opinion, were the meals. They were required to attend every meal - their hall directors took attendance. The only way of getting out of it was illness or injury - and even then, they would have to be bedridden to really get out of it.
To make matters worse, the only dining hall they were allowed to go to during training was arguably the worst dining hall on campus. There were a total of eight dining halls on campus, and they were all pretty similar, except for the one that was open during training.
This dining hall was the only non-buffet style dining hall. Instead of the students filling the plates themselves, they had to choose from three or four pre-selected meals, which ranged from pretty decent to just straight up bad. The dining hall food at University of Vale really wasn't that bad in general, at least in Blake's opinion, but if she had a choice, she'd never go to this one. The quality of the food entirely depended on what chefs were working in that dining hall that day. They tried to do some international dishes, and other different things than other dining halls, but some chefs were far worse at making those dishes than others. In addition to the food quality varying wildly, there were almost no options available for those with dietary restrictions. The other dining halls were pretty good at offering a variety of food and dietary options, but certainly not this one.
And yet, for some reason, the dining department and reslife decided that this particular dining hall would be the only one open during RA training every semester.
By the time she got there, she expected at least some other RAs to be here already, but the place was practically empty. She figured the last session was running over time a bit, and perhaps they were just getting out.
Blake handed her meal card to the dining hall employee sitting by the door. He swiped it, handing it back to her as she thanked him and headed on through. She grabbed a cup and a plate from the sandwich bar, filled up the cup with water, and used the empty plate to help her claim enough of one of the long tables that her staff would need. She sat down at the end, sipping on her cup of water, staring out the window and waiting for the inevitable flow of RAs to head towards the dining hall.
After about ten minutes, Blake finally spotted the flow of people headed towards the building. Eventually, the dining hall began to fill with the three hundred RAs, all hungry and buzzing with a strange energy.
Ilia placed her bag down across from Blake. "Did you already eat?" she asked.
Blake shook her head. "I was waiting for everyone to get here so no one took the table."
Ilia bobbed her head towards the lines that were beginning to form for food. "Shall we?"
Blake stood up, looking around. "Where's Sun?"
"Drew wanted him to hang back and chat about something. He'll be here soon," Ilia explained.
Blake shrugged, leaving her empty cup at her seat to keep it claimed. "Did the presentation get any better after you texted me?"
Ilia shook her head. "Two of the RAs got in a heated argument with the presenter. At first the HDs tried to calm it down… but then the presenter said something really awful I don't wish to repeat, and then it quickly became a full blown argument. Some people walked out early. We ended up needing debriefing afterwards, which is why everyone was late."
"Like, a big group debriefing, or did you break up into the staff groups?"
"Staff groups."
Blake nodded, internally extremely grateful that she had opted out of this session. Sitting through the presentation with 300 other RAs was bad enough, even with the ability to blend into the crowd. Debriefing with only her 19 coworkers on her staff, however? That would have been detrimental for her sanity and her dignity.
"Enough of that," Ilia said, sensing something off with Blake. "How was your afternoon?"
"Good," Blake replied with a shrug. "Cuddled with Gambol. Took a nap."
Ilia gave a small smile. "Sounds like a great afternoon to me!"
"Yeah," Blake replied absently, looking ahead towards the line. It was moving steadily. "What dish are we even in line for?"
"Chicken parm! One of the only good dishes they've had all training, honestly."
"Can't say you're wrong there."
Blake continued to stare further down the line, watching as people slowly made their way up to grab a plate of chicken parm and pasta. She didn't notice the way Ilia's face fell slightly at the way Blake continued to mask her emotions. She also didn't notice Ilia pull out her phone and send a text at the same moment she received one.
I : You did the right thing. It's worse than we thought.
S : Just got done talking with Drew. He's gonna talk to her after dinner.
S : Really? Worse? How so?
I : You'll see when you get here. It's bad.
S : Alright, see you soon.
Dinner carried on without much event. Sun took the spot next to Ilia once he arrived, and maintained an animated conversation with Ilia about his plans for his first bulletin board throughout the meal. Both tried to get Blake more involved in the conversation, but she continually put in minimal effort while taking tiny bites of her food. It was actually good for once, she just wasn't really that hungry.
As the trio of Faunus finished their meals, Drew kept a close eye on them. As soon as he saw Blake start to get up, he stood up from his end of the table and made his way towards her. He tapped her on the shoulder, pulling her aside as she was making her way towards the dish return.
"Hey Blake, can you swing by my office in twenty minutes or so?" he asked.
"Sure," Blake replied simply. She'd been expecting that. Drew did tell her this when she requested to skip the afternoon session, after all. It wouldn't be a long meeting, but she was likely going to have to explain herself to an extent. If not details, at the very least, explaining that she was still recovering from recent trauma.
That's all it was going to be, she kept telling herself, but it was hard to silence the knot forming in her stomach.
Drew's office was located in the lobby of the building they all lived and worked in, Beacon Hall. It was one building, divided up by two towers, North and South. The lobby that connected them held a number of amenities - a large social lounge, a game room, the laundry room, the mailroom, and the reslife office for the area. Despite the fact that it was truly only one building, since it had two towers, it was considered an "area" of campus by reslife's standards.
Blake, Ilia, and Sun all resided in the South tower, on floors one, two, and three, respectively. Each floor was co-ed, a square of double rooms with two bathrooms in the middle, as well as the elevators, and a study lounge on the Eastern side of the building that sat between the only two singles on the floor - one the RA dorm, and the other typically reserved for residents who had medical accommodations for a single dorm. All of the other sides of the square had smaller divides, with a trash room in the middle of the Western side, and stairwells in the middle of the North and South sides.
The lobby, considered to be floor "0" in all of the floor plans, was primarily constructed around the idea of being a space for socializing and community activity, whereas the floors were meant to be more peaceful, and allow for studying and sleeping. Since the residents that lived in Beacon Hall were primarily first and second year students, that almost never happened as planned. The lobby still served its purpose, although it typically was for more formal, reslife events and activities than for impromptu group hangouts from residents.
The reslife office consisted of two areas - a lounge-like portion of the office where the RAs hung out while on duty and held their staff meetings, and the smaller, actual office of the Hall Director. The HD office was locked, as to be expected, as Drew was still wrapping up dinner. Blake waited patiently in the RA lounge, browsing social media mindlessly on her phone.
After what felt like both forever and no time at all, Blake finally looked up to see Drew entering the RA lounge. He gave Blake a small smile as she stood up, following him as he unlocked the door to his office.
"Come in, feel free to take a comfy chair!" Drew said, gesturing to the two armchairs that sat off to the side of the office, as opposed to the formality of the desk.
Blake gave a small smile. This was her first time meeting one-on-one with Drew. His office was very homey, already decorated with assorted knick-knacks. Last year, their hall director was… well, she was fired before her first year at the University of Vale was even up, and Blake had despised her from the moment she met her. That was in the past though, said and done, and with everything else that had happened last year, the old hall director had been one of the last people on Blake's mind.
She took a spot in one of the armchairs, sitting cross-legged in-between the arms.
"So," Drew began, as he sat down, "you don't have to tell me details of anything unless you want to, and, as you know, I am a mandated reporter, so if there is anything active going on, I will have to report it."
"Nothing active," Blake replied, shaking her head.
Drew nodded. "Okay. If you don't want to explain yourself at all, you don't have to, but I just wanted to check in and make sure you were okay."
Blake returned with her own nod. "Yeah, I'm okay. I… Last year, I was in a very… abusive relationship. I've been out of it since January, but sitting through a presentation like that… it was still too soon."
"That's understandable." Drew crossed one of his legs, taking a deep breath. "I do have something else I wanted to talk about with you in private."
Blake raised an eyebrow. "You do?"
"I'll admit, I don't know you very well yet, and I don't have anything to really compare this to, so I'm just going off of what was told to me. Additionally, I was given permission to tell you who told me this."
"Who told you what?"
"Sun came to me earlier today. He told me that he and Ilia have been very concerned about you."
Blake blinked. "Concerned?"
Drew nodded. "I've been told you went through something traumatic last semester, which you also just told me about yourself, assuming they're the same thing. Sun told me that you were really struggling last semester, but you were convinced the summer is what you needed for a fresh restart. Instead, Sun tells me that you seem worse than you did last spring, and Ilia backed up that opinion."
Blake took a moment, processing what she had just been told. "Sun… and Ilia.. are concerned about me?"
Drew gave another nod. "I wanted to check in and see if you needed anything or felt the same way. Healing from trauma isn't an easy process, trust me, I know it very well. I wanted to make sure that you knew I'm available as a resource to you."
"Yes, I knew that," Blake replied, perhaps a bit too fast. "I'm doing fine," she added, straightening her back. "Things are different this semester, yeah, but I'm doing fine."
Drew frowned slightly. "Are you sure?"
"Yes," she said instantly, extending out her legs to sit normally in the chair. "I'm sure I'm fine."
"Okay. If you ever want to talk about anything, my door is always open. Otherwise, you're free to go."
"Thank you," she replied, standing up instantly.
"Anytime," Drew replied, watching with careful eyes as she walked out of the office perhaps a bit too quickly. He waited until he heard the sound of the door to the RA lounge close before standing up from his chair.
He let out a long sigh, making his way over to his desk and logging into his computer. He opened a document on his desktop, revealing a list of all of his RAs with some information about each of them he had gathered from a form at the beginning of training. Names, pronouns, floors, majors, minors, years, clubs, other interests, and other important information he had learned about them. He scrolled down for only a moment, before landing on Blake's name. He made an additional note under her other section.
Traumatic incident. Keep an eye on. Avoidant and resistant to help.
Drew saved the document, closing it before leaning back in his desk chair and letting out another sigh. He had a sinking feeling in his stomach that it was going to be a long year.