"Oh mommy, I have a present just for you. It is a baby Rachel one." Rachel calls to me while I'm visiting with my parents and aunt. She grins when she sees our company.

"Grandma Rachel, Grandpa Vincent, Madame Red, you are here!" She cries excitedly, giving each of them a hug. She always gives Madame Red an extra hug, although she doesn't seem to recall what happened the night she was born and how Madame Red had helped her and Vincent find me, she often says that having her here is 'one of the happiest things in the world.'

"Hello little Rachel, how are you?" Madame Red asks as she releases her.

"Hello, I am a good Rachel. Do you have Scarlet?"

"She's playing with your brothers."

"Madame Red?" Rachel rests her head on my aunt's shoulder, it's clear that they love each other, I used to do the same when I was small. I would run to greet her everytime she came to visit. She would lift me up and hug me tight before carrying me back into the sitting room to my parents.

I felt sad for her the night we reunited in that terrible place. To think that it hurt her so much to the point that she was trapped in there all that time. I knew immediately after she said I shouldn't have been born that she did it more out of pain from her own loss than anything. I saw the tears in her eyes. I also knew that she did love me, I've always been Special ' to her. In refusing to kill me and giving her own life because of it, I couldn't possibly love her any less than I always had. She still feels guilty about it.

"Do you want to see my Rachel present for mommy and can I please play with Scarlet?"

"I'd love to see and I'm sure she wouldn't mind, she loves you very much."

"just like you and you love my mommy very much."

"That's right, your mother is precious to me." I hear her say these words and feel a touch of pain in my heart. I had told Sebastian to kill her that night. It was no comfort at all that I stopped him. Being a mother now, knowing what it feels like to nearly lose a child, I can't imagine if it hurt me to go through that,what she felt to lose her unborn child. But that's where she's obviously stronger than I am because she kept living. If Rachel and Vincent hadn't lived I wouldn't have had the strength to strength to live myself.

"It is a poem about my mommy. I like to make Rachel presents and give them to mommy." My little girl stood in the middle of the room,her smile widened and her little fangs were visible.

"A mommy story by Rachel Ann." She began happily. My children often Write' me letters and poems. It's very rewarding to have my job.

"My story says... I know a special mommy, he is happy and nice.

He loves babies and family and makes me feel happy too.

The mommy is special because he plays lots of games and cuddles with babies when they are so sad.

The mommy is good and happy and good. He makes us put on coats and hats in the cold. He protects us from scary things that want to be mean and he loves my daddy.

I know the bestest mommy in the whole wide world and I smile and laugh because he is mine. Thank you mommy for loving me lots,for cuddles and kisses and bunches of hugs.

Yay mommy!" She throws her arms in the air and jumps up and down excitedly. Everyone claps for her. I'm proud of my daughter, I look at my Rachel and see how comfortable she is in front of an audience, she'll be an entertainer one day. She loves to perform.

Lately she and Sebastian have been putting on little plays for our family and inviting my family to watch, so far they've all been 'sold out' as Sebastian puts it.

"Did you love it so much mommy?" She asks excitedly.

"I loved it very much." I let her as she climbs onto my lap and gives me the paper that she's Written on. My smile widens as I see her 'words' wiggly lines serve as her story, I can't be hard on her, I know she's trying and I'm afraid Lizzy's starting to have an influence on me as all I can think when looking at the paper is That's so cute' I suppose that's what happens when you live with someone.

My children are absolutely incredible. This realization puzzles me. They certainly didn't get that from me. We have our struggles here and there as I imagine any family does but this is the life I chose. Being a mother wasn't something I wanted from the beginning and now that my children are here, I'm mortified by my reaction when I was told I was pregnant with Evian. How could I have even thought I didn't want him?

Madam Red was tormented by the loss of Scarlet and from my understanding I had always been wanted I have to wonder how Evian truly felt, did he really know I loved him then,maybe he was trying to make me feel better.

Spending this time with my parents and my aunt has been eye opening. I'm grateful to them for their guidance I could certainly use it.