Chapter 9

Dear Loki,

I promised both your mother and your brother that I wouldn't make you miserable by stating how much I miss you, so I won't. I will say, though, that I haven't had a decent game of chess since I last saw you. I also don't have someone who will distract your mother when she's determined to tell me off for something I've done or forgotten to do. There's also no one on my side when Thor does something stupid and I want to slaughter him. Half the time, Frigga beats me to the slaughtering and the other half of the time, she takes Thor's side. I try not to pass your room too often-no more than a few times a day, at least, and once every night. I open my mouth to tell you to sleep well, and then I remember. In short, son, I miss you every moment I breathe.

Your mother has been keeping herself busy. She works on her magic, she works with her ladies in waiting, and she is on the go from the moment she wakes up in the morning. I can barely get a word with her during the day, and at night, she's asleep as soon as she gets into bed, so my words have to wait. Your brother has found a less -successful way to cope with your absence: he gets up to boneheaded stunts during the day and what's left of him limps or crawls home at night to be put back together. Sometimes Frigga will show him sympathy, and other times she will complete the kill out of mercy. If he's lucky, then Frigga is merciful and he sees the next sunrise. I spend half my time being furious with him and the other half feeling sorry for him. I wish you were here to talk some sense into him.

If you were to ask me how I'm coping in your absence, then I would say, 'How well can a heart beat when part of it is missing?' A little maudlin, but it's accurate. I see to the business of ruling, I meet with my councillors, I am a husband and a father, and I spend a great deal of time missing you. I hope that your time on Jotunheim has been pleasurable for you, and I hope that your Jotun family enjoys your presence as much as we did. Please, a thousand times, write to us as soon as possible and tell us how you pass your days. I will be looking forward to that letter more than I can say.

With love,

Father

Loki leaned back into his pillows and read the letter again. Odin had never been a very demonstrative man when Loki had been small. A clap on the shoulder or the back, the words "well done, son," when they were warranted, and a rare embrace was the amount of affection he felt comfortable showing. This letter, though, showed him just how deep Odin's love for him ran. He wished he were on Asgard to give Odin a hug...and perhaps play a game of chess. He folded the letter and placed it in its envelope and pulled out the next one. He recognized Frigga's handwriting right away and opened it with anticipation.

Dear Loki,

I hope this letter finds you well and that you've been enjoying your time on Jotunheim. I've been keeping busy, but I still find time to miss you at least once a minute. Your father is pretending that he's all right and so is Thor, but a wife and mother always knows. They don't want to admit that they're as much of a mess as I am-oh, drat. I didn't mean to include that, but I don't want to start another letter. Just forget it for now, dear.

Thor has been getting up to the most ridiculous past-times in order to distract himself from how he feels. He decided to try to ride a bilgesnipe yesterday. I'll pause now to let that sink in for a moment. A bilgesnipe. Needless to say, I was not amused when he came home. Fortunately, he was injured enough that he's not able to go out today or any other day for the rest of this week. He's been confined to his room to heal up and he's been complaining about it, but some recuperation won't hurt him. It has the added benefit of keeping him out of trouble.

Your father has been throwing himself into work. He's meeting with his councillors, looking over this trade agreement, that state visit, the ledgers, and so on. When he's not working, he's striding around the hallways in the palace, and he usually ends up at your room in the evening. By the time he makes it to bed after midnight, I've already fallen asleep, and he's up again in the morning before we can talk. Soon, I will have to schedule an appointment with his secretary just to speak to my husband!

I've noticed that a lot of the staff are working more slowly now. They seem depressed and a few of them are downright disconsolate. A good number of the guards are the same way, and I frequently get questions regarding you. Please write back some answers for me. In no particular order, here are the questions your friends have been asking: How is Jotunheim? What will you do there for an entire year? Are the Frost Giants kind to you? (The guard who asked this looked rather grim when he asked it. I think if the answer is a negative, we may have a war on our hands without declaring it.) Are you eating enough? (This was asked by one of the kitchen staff.) If so, what is food there like? (I think they were genuinely curious.) The palace archivist asked what their library is like, if they have one, and if so, what are the books like? Would there be any chance of getting copies for the library here? One of my ladies asked if you were warm enough on Jotunheim and how they heat the rooms.

Now it's my turn. What do you spend your time doing? Could you write me a description of your days so I'll know what you're up to and when? It doesn't matter how small something is; I'd like to know everything. Do you have lessons? Do you have any daily duties to perform? What do you do when you have no obligations? What do you do for fun there? Do you spend a lot of time with the king and queen? What is your room like? Is everyone kind to you? Is there anyone who is not? Have you been eating enough? (I know what you're like when you're involved in a project; you often forget to eat!) Are you indoors all the time so you'll stay warm, or do you spend some time outdoors? If so, are the clothes we sent warm enough? Has more clothing been made for you, or do you need something more?

This is all motherly fussing, but I've been unable to expend it on Thor due to his being a bonehead, so you'll have to bear the full brunt of it. I think of you all the time, even when I'm trying not to think about you, and then I give it up as a lost cause and let myself think. I can remember when you were a baby, when you were a child, and then as a young man, and those memories are a comfort to me. I'm counting the seconds until I can see you again, but until then, please take care of yourself and think of us sometimes. Have fun, be kind to yourself and to others, and the time will fly by until we can be together again.

Until then,

All my love,

Mother

Loki put the letter aside and buried his face in a handkerchief. He was not going to start crying, he absolutely refused...A few minutes and he was under control of himself. He hadn't cried, but he still felt like he wanted to howl his sadness to the four winds. While he'd been busy and getting to know Jotunheim, it had been easy to avoid thinking of his homesickness, but now, he had ample time to feel it. Reminders of home had not made it any easier, even though he was elated at finally receiving some letters. He read Frigga's letter again before tucking it away in its envelope and finally turned to Thor's letter.

Dear Loki,

Mother and Father have both told me more than once not to distress you by saying how much I miss you, and I promised not to, but they shouldn't ask for the impossible. I miss you. There. I said it. I miss you more than I ever thought it possible to miss anyone. A thousand times a day I find myself turning to tell you something and it's always a shock when you're not there. Do you remember our chats at night after Mother and Father had gone to bed? Last night I found myself headed to your room...and then I remembered. How am I going to last a whole year without talking to you?

Father's been keeping himself busy, but I can tell he's missing playing chess with you. The other night I saw him pause outside your room. Mother's been keeping herself busy as well, but often I'll see a look on her face that tells me just how much she's missing you. What do I spend my time doing? Not much. I went hunting the other day and when I came home and you would have thought I'd tried to fight a herd of bilgesnipe all by myself with the way Mother acted. It was only one bilgesnipe. She confined me to my room to recuperate, but my injuries aren't that bad! So, I'm writing to you.

What do you spend your time doing? What is life like there? ARE THEY KIND TO YOU? (That question is very important. Please answer it honestly.) Do you have any siblings? How is the food? Do you have fun? Do you miss me as much as I miss you? Tell me everything that's happened to you, please. I really wish to know.

Plenty of your friends here have asked me to send on messages. The kitchen staff are anxious about you remembering to eat and they want to know if they should send you something. The guards all want to know if you're being treated well. The maids who take care of your room want to know if you are warm enough. And the Warriors Three and I want to know EVERYTHING. Please, write back as soon as you can and tell us. If they are cruel to you, or indifferent, all of us will mount a rescue expedition and damn the consequences. We are waiting for your letter.

Your brother,

Thor

P.S.-I miss you.

Loki grinned. Wasn't mounting an unauthorized expedition to Jotunheim what got them all into trouble in the first place? His brother was still impossible to reason with, but Loki couldn't fault his loyalty. He shifted in his bed and Farbauti looked up from her book.

"Feeling all right?" she asked.

"Just fine," he assured her. "Do you think I could sit up long enough to write a short letter?"

She looked him up and down. "Do you really feel well enough to do that?"

He didn't, but he wasn't about to admit it. "Of course. Just a short one should be all right, shouldn't it?"

She gave him a doubtful look, but she did help him sit up, propped him up with pillows, and fetched a lap desk for him. His hands shook just a little as he dipped the pen into the ink, but he was hoping Farbauti missed it.

The punishment he was receiving had to be one of the strangest he'd ever received in his life. True to their word, Farbauti and Laufey were with him at all times. While Laufey was busy with his councillors and giving audiences, Farbauti was sitting with Loki. In the morning, she would wake him with some breakfast, help him was his hands and face, and then she would wrap him in a robe, lift him from his bed, and place him on a sofa until the sheets had been changed. Then, he would be tucked back into bed and given his morning dose of medicine, and then Farbauti would read to him for a while, or play cards or a board game with him, and they would talk. Laufey would arrive in the family quarters for lunch, as would Helbindi and Bylestir, and they would eat at a table set up in the family room. Lunch was usually soup and bread, or small rolls stuffed with something savory, and there was always a light sweet with fruit for dessert. Once he'd eaten, Loki was more than ready for some rest, and Laufey and Farbauti would take him back to their room and tuck him into bed. He woke up about mid-afternoon and Farbauti would read to him again. Sometimes she would read stories or tales or poetry, and other times, she would read aloud things that Loki was supposed to be reading for his tutors. He didn't mind that since the material was usually interesting. Her ladies would arrive then for tea, and Loki found himself the target of much fussing and spoiling during that short meal and more than once, as soon as it was quiet, he would have another short rest before supper. They would have supper (more soup and bread, and soft things that were easy to eat for Loki) in the family room again, and Loki was allowed to spend a few short hours with Helbindi and Bylestir, talking about their days and playing games at the table. The two of them sat in regular chairs and Loki usually sat in an easy chair, cocooned in nest of pillows. Then, it would be time to get ready for bed. Helbindi and Bylestir would bid him good night and Laufey carried him to the bathing room and help him wash and dress again in clean nightclothes. Then, Laufey and Farbauti would tuck him into bed, and after reading one last tale to him, the curtains would be drawn around his bed so he could sleep. He could always hear the two of them talking in whispered voices for a while before he fell asleep and the sound of their voices became an effective lullaby. He would sleep like the dead all through the night and then he'd wake up the next morning to do it all again.

He'd been outside only twice during this time, and true to what they'd told him, both Farbauti and Laufey had gone with him. The time they'd spent outside hadn't been for long since Laufey had to go to a meeting soon afterward, but for a while he was able to lie on a blanket and a nest of pillows in the garden and feel the sunlight on his face. It had made him feel a good deal better, but he really wished he could go out more often.

The thing that annoyed him the most was being far too weak to walk. The first time Farbauti had moved to lift him out of bed, he'd insisted that he was feeling fine enough to stand and walk on his own, but as soon as he was on his feet his knees gave way and she had to catch him. The court physician said that it would take him a while to gain back his strength, but he was as weak as water. He found his recovery slow, and in the matter of using the necessary, while he was thankful for a footman's help, he still found it embarrassing to need help with such a simple thing.

Best not to include any of that in the letter. He didn't want anyone to worry.

Dear Mother, Father, and Thor,

Thank you so much for your letters! They certainly made my whole month! I'm sorry it's taken so long to reply, as I was told, some silly clunch at the Bifrost forgot to send them on to me. I hope you weren't worrying, but things have been fine.

It is strange trying to fit in and get along in a new family. The first night I was here they kept staring at me as if they couldn't believe I was actually here. They asked lots of questions, too: what did I like to eat, what did I like to do for fun, what growing up on Asgard was like, and so on. I have two younger brothers, Helbindi and Bylestir. They're up to hijinks and pranks all the time, and they're as mischievous as anyone I've ever seen. Mother and Father, you would have gone mad trying to raise these two, so I'm glad that Father found me instead. Otherwise, Asgard would have been in trouble long ago.

They watch after me as if they were my older brothers, and not my younger. Every time we leave the confines of the palace they're watching me like a pair of hawks with extra-large eyes. They spend a lot of time with me and they've introduced me to their friends. They showed me every place in the palace and the gardens, and the last time we went into the city, they were with me.

I'm always escorted when I'm outside the palace. Everyone insists on it. I am what's called a lalta, and that means that I'm rare and precious-their words, not mine! Apparently, laltas are living blessings, and long ago the Great Ones sent them to Jotunheim to show the people how to live and what to value. Lalta are gifted magically and intellectually as well-last night Farbauti read me an account of a lalta called Asdirth who engineered Jotunheim's first machines. I loved every word. What does all this mean for me? I'm treated like a minor god, but I'm trying hard not to let it go to my head. People love to feed me and I have to make sure to tell them when I've had enough because otherwise, they'll give me more food than I can eat! I'm always protected by everyone-sometimes too much! Helbindi and Bylestir introduced me to the armsmaster Kotir, but he was reluctant to allow me bout as I needed to until I unfooted him and pinned him with my staff. He grinned at me and told me that I can explain any bruises myself.

That brings me to what I do with my days. In the morning I get up, have breakfast with the family, and then my brothers and I go out to work out with Kotir. Afterward, we wash up and head inside, and I have lessons. Farbauti began teaching me Jotun, and Helbindi and Bylestir's tutors were brought back to the palace for me. We stop for lunch, and Laufey usually makes it a point to talk with me about my lessons. After lunch are more lessons, and I have tutors for history and geography, mathematics, natural philosophy, literature, rhetoric, logic, philosophy, and the arts. I'd had no idea that Jotunheim had so much history and culture, but I guess you know only what you're familiar with. After my lessons are done we have afternoon tea and then Helbindi and Bylestir see to their responsibilities. While they're busy, I have free time, and I spend it exploring the palace or the gardens or reading. After free time is dinner, and then in the evening we spend time together as a family, talking, playing games, or reading aloud. After that is bed, and then the next day I get up and do it all over again.

I had my first Sun Festival recently, and it was an auspicious day for me to meet the people. Every family is related in some way, so I was greeted by everyone as a long-lost relative. Plenty of people wanted to feed me, talk to me...it was all quite incredible. I was given my own veho, which is a beast like a horse. I called her Noekta and she's very sweet, although I was nervous about riding her at first. Vehos are a lot like horses, only bunchier. At the end of the festival, there's an all-night ball, but I was an idiot and got angry at two men who were less than circumspect with their words. Laufey and Farbauti were quick to let me know I was out of line, though. I pulled a boneheaded stunt where I tried to go to the Bifrost to return to Asgard but I got lost instead. I got sick shortly after that, but don't worry, I'm already recovering. My regular schedule has been suspended until I'm better and Farbauti and Laufey spend a lot of time reading to me and making sure I eat and drink and sleep.

The food is very good. The meat can be spicy, so the kitchen has been preparing milder things for me instead. We often have soup at meals, even when I'm not sick, and almost every day at breakfast! That's taken some getting used to, but it's delicious, so it's not been difficult. At the Sun Festival I had a sweet cheese coated in hot sugar and dunked in water just before it was eaten, and for lunch I had noodles with meat and vegetables fried in a pan over an open fire. We visited the temple where Father found me and the monks there plied me with sweet cakes and plenty to drink.

As you can tell from this letter, everyone is very kind. The monks were practically falling all over themselves to do things for me when I met them, and I had plenty of people at the Sun Festival fussing over me. The servants here are very kind and often there are little arguments over who gets to do what for me. When I was well I did what I could on my own and I don't think they liked that. Now I have no choice and they're all a lot happier.

I have my lessons in the library, and it's just as large as the one on Asgard. There are plenty of books and scrolls and I've learned to read Jotun. I enjoy reading things here. The stories and poems are all new to me and there's always something new to learn. I can ask about getting copies for the Asgard library, Mother. Perhaps we could set up some sort of exchange? I'm sure people here would enjoy Asgardian stories as well.

There are fireplaces in every room, but with the way the palace is built, it's still easy to get cold. I'm always dressed warmly, though, so it's not too bad. Everyone makes sure I get the warmest spot in the room, and I'm always next to the fire, which is lovely. I think more clothing is being made for me since I'm in one place long enough to be measured and checked!

I'd best close this letter now since Farbauti is watching me and tapping her foot. I promised to write a short letter since she doesn't want me to get tired, but I'll tell her that by Asgard standards, this is a short letter! I know it's not long enough for me. Please, take care of yourselves and try not to worry. I love all of you, I miss you more than I can say, and I can't wait to get more letters from you. I'll write more once I'm better.

Love,

Loki

Loki blotted the letter, folded it, slipped it into an envelope, and sealed it. Farbauti took it from him and promised him that it would be sent that evening.

"You know, that was a very long short letter, Loki," she said, tucking him in.

"It felt short to me," he answered.

She gave him a kiss on the forehead. "I know, dear. Why don't you close your eyes for a bit while I hand this to a footman, and when I come back, I'll read to you, all right?"

Loki nodded. "All right."

By the time she'd returned, he'd fallen asleep.