Chapter 12

Waking up on Midsummer Day was like waking up on a festival day on Asgard. He'd spent the night once again in Laufey and Farbauti's room since Bylestir had recovered, and he woke up to Farbauti tickling his foot. As soon as his eyes were open he was on his feet. "Is it Midsummer now?"

"It is today," Farbauti told him, ruffling his hair fondly. "Your valet is waiting to help you dress, and once you're ready, come to the sitting room for breakfast."

Loki was able to walk around the family quarters with no problem now, so he headed to his room, where his valet, Karku (the poor man Loki had sent away during the Sun Festival), was waiting to help him climb into the formal Jotun outfit that he had to wear that day. Since that time Loki had re-introduced himself to Karku and the two of them had become comfortable with each other enough so that Loki felt he could count Karku as a friend. Karku was certainly on hand whenever he thought Loki might like a warm coat or slippers to wear, and Loki could tell that Karku liked his sense of humor. He greeted Karku and together the two of them began to look at the clothes that he had to wear.

There were a shirt, pants, vest, jacket, cloak, and boots, all trimmed in leather and fur, with the cloak doubly-lined with lamb's wool so he could stay warm. The number of cords and ties on the outfit were mind-boggling with all of the pieces tying to each other so they could stay in place and sit straightly on the person wearing them, but Karku was an expert at his work. Within minutes Loki had washed and then Karku had him encased in his clothes for the day. It was odd having someone else dress him, but he couldn't have managed it on his own, and certainly not the boots. Leather panels had to be put in place against his ankle and lower calf once the boot was on, and then leather ties were laced and wrapped around the boot, tied, and knotted in a certain pattern.

"All done, prince," Karku said, giving Loki's boot a tap to signal Loki could remove his foot from Karku's knee. Karku had sat on the floor so he could reach Loki's feet comfortably and Loki had to admit that the system they'd figured out together worked well.

"Thank you, Karku." Loki took his foot down and stood to face the mirror while Karku circled him, adjusting the hang of the cloak and checking the ties.

"What about your hair?"

Loki regarded his hair and shrugged. "It's combed."

Karku gave a long-suffering sigh. "It's combed, yes, but are you just going to let it hang there? It's a lot longer than when you first came here, prince."

Surprised, Loki looked again. It was longer. It almost reached his shoulders now. "I see what you mean. What would you suggest?"

Karku pulled a chair over in front of the mirror. "We should pull at least half of it back so it won't end up in your eyes, and during Midsummer it's traditional to dress your hair." Karku went to the wardrobe and rummaged around in one of the drawers. He returned with his hands full of brightly-colored cords, ties, and beads. "Here we are."

Loki looked the handful of trimmings over with some trepidation. "Ah, I'm not used to that. Is it really necessary?"

"I think your family would like it," Karku confessed. "Will you trust me?"

Karku had never steered him wrong before. He nodded and took a seat on the chair and Karku started combing and parting his hair, using cords to tie off sections and stringing a bead on here and there. Loki watched in the mirror and idly noted the gentle tugs and pulls on his hair, and at last Karku stepped back and let him look.

"Woah..." Loki breathed, amazed. "How did you do that?"

"Lots and lots of practice on my little brothers," Karku answered, grinning. "Like it?"

"It's great!" Karku had combed his hair back, parted the top locks from the bottom, and braided cords that matched his outfit around the top locks so they would stay back. He'd strung faceted beads around the cords and left the ends of the cords hang down so that they covered the tied-back hair, and beads had been strung onto the very ends so that they hung in a cluster. "Thank you, Karku!"

Karku returned his grin and shook his hand. "Think of it as a Midsummer gift, prince. Your family's waiting."

After thanking him one more time, Loki headed on his way, thinking happily about the day ahead. Loki was excited for Midsummer. He'd asked Laufey and Farbauti and his Jotun brothers what it was like, and they told him all about the religious festival held at the temple. There would be a service in the morning that lasted until noon, and then there would be a meal cooked over an open fire and eaten out-of-doors. Once everyone had eaten, there would be a thanksgiving ceremony outside, and then there would be games and dancing and music until sundown. Then, there would be a time for individual devotions, and then there would be dinner (again, cooked out-of-doors) and dancing and music and more games until dawn the next day.

All the temples in the city held Midsummer services and festivals, but the largest, by far, was the one at the temple they'd visited on the day of the Sun Festival. While the Sun Festival was a quiet day for the temple, the Midsummer Festival was not, so the monks were likely busy with preparing for guests.

Laufey and Farbauti and Helbindi and Bylestir were all waiting on him and he hurried to his seat once he reached the family room. "I'm ready...and hungry!"

Immediately there was a chorus of compliments on his appearance and his hair. Farbauti swept him into a hug and kissed the top of his head. "Loki, you look wonderful! You look just like your father did as a young man!"

That gave him pause. "I do?"

She nodded and pointed him towards the mirror hanging over the mantel. "See? His face was as thin as yours is now, your eyes are shaped the same, you have his chin..."

"Actually, dear, I think he takes after you," Laufey interrupted and started pointing to Loki's face in the mirror. "See? He has your bone structure."

"I think the entire family is agreed that Loki is adorable," Helbindi said before the debate could start in earnest. "I, for one, think that we should do justice to all the delicious food that's waiting for us."

"I second the motion," Loki said, eagerly grasping the solution to too much attention.

Laufey gave him a fond chuckle. "Well, there's food. Let's dig in!"

A Midsummer meal was a special one, and Farbauti had told him about it the night before. There would be plenty of hot grains, sweet and savory, to eat, as well as fresh fruits and vegetables and grilled meat skewers. At the end of the meal was a sweet cake filled with berries. Each dish had a symbolic meaning and Loki had found it all fascinating. Even better was eating all of it! He managed two meat skewers, a piece of fruit, a bowl of sweet grain (it reminded him of oatmeal), some vegetables, and of course, a cake! He leaned back in his chair, satisfied.

It was a good thing he finished when he did because the house steward arrived to say their mounts were ready. The entire family left the table and headed outside to where Noekta and the other veho waited for them. Laufey took a moment to help Loki shift to his Jotun skin so he would be able to stay warm and then he was ready. A groom boosted Loki into the saddle and they rode together out of the gates, the grooms wishing them well.

Loki couldn't get over how much his life had changed. A few months ago, he was a prince of Asgard and had never thought of himself in any other way. Now, though, things were different. He still felt like a prince of Asgard, but he also felt like a prince of Jotunheim. The vairairha had somewhat changed how he felt about his Jotun family. He felt as if he were part of his birth family and he loved having two more brothers. As he'd gained in strength and the vairairha had lessened his need for close proximity to Laufey and Farbauti, he'd spent more time with them, and he found that their personalities and natures were pretty similar. They were inclined to clown around, and he enjoyed mischief. The three of them together…well, perhaps it was for the best that they hadn't grown up together. That could have been more than flesh and blood or even loving parents could take.

Thinking about that led him to think about Ahna's latest visit. She'd come with some books for Loki to read and to talk to him more about lalta. He'd found himself confiding in her how he felt about his Jotun family and his birthplace. He told her about that and how he felt that he was, on some level, betraying Asgard and his Asgardian family.

"I imagine that it's normal to feel that way," she'd told him. "I've never been in your situation, but I can see the logic in how you'd feel. Are you looking for advice?"

Loki nodded. He felt too conflicted about things for his own comfort.

"Accept it."

He blinked, confused. "Sorry?"

"I said, accept it. Accept how you feel and your circumstances. It's all right for you to feel the way you do, even if you feel mixed up. You won't be disloyal to your past if you also embrace your future, Loki."

Those words actually brought the sting of tears to his eyes, and Ahna was considerate enough to turn away while he collected himself. Once he'd mopped his face and taken a few deep breaths, he felt ready to resume the conversation.

"Part of the reason why I came to see you today is that I've heard you're going through vairairha," she stated. "Is that right?"

"Yes, that's right," he confessed. "I have to say it's been one of the stranger things in my life. I'm happiest when I'm cuddled up to Laufey and Farbauti, and that's not something I'd ever thought I'd say at my age."

"I doubt anyone's ever had the chance to say it before," she answered. "I've been doing some research and I can safely say that you're the first Jotun a later-life vairairha has ever happened to. The fact that you're older and that the vairairha is happening now and that you're a lalta means that there is something I wanted to warn you about. Is it true that your parents are taking you to Midsummer at the temple?"

Loki grinned. "Yes! Everyone's been talking about it so much that I'm excited and Laufey's been coaching me on what to do during the ceremonies. Once we've done all the official things Helbindi and Bylestir said that it'll be like another festival, and I'm looking forward to it. I've been sick and busy recovering and now that I'm better I can't wait to have some fun!"

"While you're at Midsummer, you MUST stay close to your family at all times. If you do have to be away from your family, make sure that wherever you are, you're in a safe place and near people who can help you if needed."

Why was she so adamant? "All right. I assume there's a good reason you're telling me this?"

"There is," she said, and she nodded slowly. "Since you're experiencing vairairha, you are vulnerable right now. There are some instances in which children have been taken during that period of their lives and for lack of any family, they bonded with whomever was available, which made it difficult for them to leave their captors later on. You remember our conversation about people who might try to lure you away from your family?"

In a flash, what she was trying to tell him was painfully clear. "Oh. Oh, I see. Um...all right, now I'm worried. What should I do?"

"You won't have to worry as long as you're careful," she said, patting his shoulder reassuringly. "You'll be able to count on most of the people there and the monks to protect you, but it never hurts to be on your guard."

Looking around at the crowd of people streaming toward the temple, it was hard to keep his guard up. By now they'd joined all the townspeople and up ahead he could see the entrance to the temple and hear music being played. Everyone was dressed in their finest and plenty of people had realized who they were by now and called out greetings.

"Happy Midsummer, Your Majesties!"

"A fine Midsummer to you, princes!"

"A happy Midsummer to you, Prince Loki!"

That last greeting had been called from a cart full of young ladies, but he couldn't tell which one had done it. They were all staring at him and smiling and he felt a blush start. Being at the center of that much feminine attention was a bit...unsettling.

"Those seem like some very sweet girls," Farbauti said, reining her veho up next to Noekta. "Wave back to them and give them a smile, Loki. Failing to acknowledge them is not polite."

Loki did as she advised and felt his face flame when the entire cart of girls broke out into breathless giggles. He heard one of them breathe, "...so cuuuute!" and he wished the ground would open up under Noekta's hooves so they could disappear.

"Loki, why don't the three of us go over there?" Helbindi suggested quietly.

Loki stared at him in shock. "WHY?"

"They can fuss over you, and Bylestir and I might come to their notice, too."

"Once it's clear that there's only one of you and...oh, so many of them," Bylestir breathed, looking with longing at the young ladies in their finery. "We're just saying we might get lucky and get a little bit of their attention."

"Gentlemen shouldn't stare at ladies," Laufey said gruffly, breaking into the conversation. "If this is how you're going to act until you come of marriageable age, then it might be best if I sent you both to the temple for a while so you can avoid temptation."

Both his brothers paled. "Ah, that won't be necessary, Father," Helbindi said quickly.

"Really and truly!" Bylestir added. "We were just..."

"Admiring beauty...!"

"Isn't that part of what we were talking about the other day? Admiring the beauty around you and appreciating the creation of the Great Ones?"

Farbauti rode up next to her husband, chuckling. "Was that why you went to the temple for a few months when you were young?" she teased. "You were appreciating beauty?"

Helbindi and Bylestir both stared at him. "YOU DID?"

"There is no beauty that I could appreciate more than yours," Laufey said quietly, loud enough so that only his sons and she heard him. "No, that's not the reason, although it would have been a good one. The truth was, I was pretty lax in religious matters, and since it was most likely I was going to inherit the throne, my father felt it best I receive some temple training. I resented his decision at the time, but the training has been useful to me over the years. That's all."

Loki tried hard to ignore the cart of giggling girls. "Perhaps you could put me in a temple so the ladies could avoid temptation? What they're saying is getting a bit embarrassing."

Farbauti reached back to ruffle his hair. "They just want the chance to fuss over you, Loki."

Loki gave her a long-suffering look. "I'm sure that having my sweet widdle face squidged and smooched is not the kind of fussing you had in mind."

Embarrassment and nausea warred over Farbauti's features and Laufey turned his face away so she couldn't see him smirk. Farbauti composed herself and cleared her throat. "I think you might be right, Loki. That's a bit...much."

They pressed on, passed the rocks, and soon they reached the temple entrance. Already stalls had been set up outside the temples and a large band was playing next to the open front doors, ushering people inside. The royal family dismounted and grooms took their horses away and Loki entered the temple this time not as someone in search of a past he didn't know, but a part of himself that he felt he could learn to know. He walked down the main aisle of the temple between Laufey and Farbauti with Helbindi and Bylestir right behind him. Plenty of people noticed their arrival and whispering and murmuring filled the large open space and reverberated off the walls and arches overhead. Three monks hurried forward to greet them and ushered them to their seats at the front while a few last people pressed inside to find seats or standing-room.

Once the temple was filled with people, one of the monks advanced up the central aisle, carrying a bowl of fruit and grasses while a choir next to the altar began to intone a solemn piece that drew everyone's attention to the front. Monks in white robes traversed the aisles and across the nave, lighting candles as they went and swinging censers of incense, filling the air with wisps of fragrant smoke. As the last candle was lighted a new chant began, a joyful one that called all the names and epithets of the Great Ones and implored their favor for the coming harvest. The chant continued with the congregation repeating responses every time there was a pause, and after what seemed like hours of chanting the head priest stepped down off the altar and approached the royal family, who all knelt.

"May the Great Ones bless our king, who has led us through so many trials!" he said, laying a hand on Laufey's head. "May he continue strong and well and wise in the coming years!"

"In the coming years!" the congregation called out.

"May the Great Ones bless our queen, so that she may continue by the king's side to lend him wisdom and aid!"

"Wisdom and aid!"

"May the Great Ones bless Prince Helbindi, who has worked so long by his father's side to see the realm prosper!"

"The realm prosper!"

"May the Great Ones bless Prince Bylestir, who labors to benefit the people!"

"Benefit the people!"

Now the head priest advanced to Loki and laid a hand on his head. "May the Great Ones bless and protect Prince Loki, who has returned to his people!"

"HIS PEOPLE!"

Loki's ears rang as he glanced up to be sure that the roof was still on the temple. Apparently, the congregation liked what the head priest had said.

The ceremony continued with another hymn sung, another circuit of the censer, and then the head priest returned to the royal family, to mark the symbol of the Great Ones on their foreheads with blessed oil and to say a silent prayer over each of them. He seemed to take a very long time over Loki and Loki wondered if he was trying to fit a lifetime of prayers into one ceremony to make up for all the ones he'd missed.

The ceremony continued until it came to the finale. Usually, a member of the royal family would receive a torch that had been blessed by each of the monks, it would be lit at the pillar candle in front of the altar, and then it would be carried out to the bonfire that had been set up in the courtyard. The chosen member of the royal family would light the bonfire, and then the outdoor celebration would begin. Loki watched as each monk and finally the head priest said a blessing over the torch and at last the head priest turned and carried the torch toward them. He was expecting Laufey to receive it, but to his shock, the head priest knelt and held the torch out to him.

A cheer nearly did take the roof off the temple. It certainly shook the dust from the rafters since Loki spotted two little dust bunnies drifting toward the floor. He stared at the torch, his mind frozen in shock.

"Go ahead and take it," Laufey urged him as the people packing the temple cheered. "We told you what needs to be done."

"I didn't think they'd offer it to me," Loki told him in a panicked hiss, but he stood and took the torch in both hands, nearly dropping it when the full weight of it hit him. Carefully and slowly, Loki approached the altar, lit the torch at the candle, and turned to head down the aisle, with his family and the head priest right behind him. The monks and the people began to chant another hymn, one calling for the light of the torch to bear the Great Ones' blessings for another year, and gingerly Loki made his way out the doors and into the courtyard. By now, people were streaming out of the temple to surround the bonfire, and once the last person had exited the temple, the head priest nodded at Loki.

Thank all the benevolent spirits in the universe, Loki thought as he lowered the torch to the waiting wood. His arms felt ready to fall off. Why did the torch have to be so darned heavy?

With a crackle and a fwoosh the fire caught and blazed up, and the watching people cheered again, this time startling some birds in the nearby trees into a frantic flight away from the noise. Loki was more than glad to hand back the torch to the head priest and step back while the head priest declared the celebration begun.

The band struck up again, with flutes, drums, cymbals, and stringed instruments sending sound soaring over the courtyard. Several people fetched torches and lit smaller braziers that could be used for cooking, and soon the smell of roasted meat and vegetables and toasted bread were wafting over the air. Helbindi and Bylestir showed Loki how close to stand to the fire so he could roast his lunch and soon he was crunching his way through a deliciously drippy and crumby sandwich.

"Good, isn't it?" Helbindi breathed before he took a bite of his own food.

"Mmmm," Loki agreed.

"Aldis is here and he's selling kabobs."

Loki sat up straight at that. "Kabobs? Kabobs of what?"

Both of them grinned at him, and once they had Laufey's and Farbauti's permission, they headed off to Aldis's stall to each get a sweet kabob that was still sizzling from the grill, the sugar coating the cubes shiny with heat. As one they dipped the kabobs into a barrel of water and there was a hiss and a loud crack, and then Loki was able to bite the first cube off the stick. "Mmmmmmmmmm," Loki sighed, amazed that the sweets were even better than he remembered. "Oh, I am so happy right now."

"Mm-hmm," Bylestir agreed, busily chewing a mouthful.

Once it was clear that everyone had eaten, the monks gathered in a circle around the bonfire and began the thanksgiving ceremony. Mercifully, it was short, and then the people were released to the games and dancing. Loki saw one group of young man taking it in turns to dance around a brazier and then leap over it, but one look from Farbauti told him that he would not be allowed to try it. Not in this lifetime, at least. Instead, he and his brothers joined a line dance that was snaking its way around the courtyard, with elders, children, and adults all pushed together and bouncing about like balls. They left that dance after a while and Loki was considering getting a drink when a young lady approached Bylestir and curtsied. He grinned, took her hand, and led her to the open space set aside for couple dancing. Helbindi approached a young lady and bowed to her, and they joined the dance and Loki was considering finding Farbauti when he heard a throat clear itself next to him. "Care to dance, youngster?"

Loki grinned. "I'd be delighted, Ahna."

It was fortunate that they were of a height, Loki reflected as he and Ahna joined the dance. Any of the young ladies on or around the dance floor were a lot taller than he was.

"So, how's your first Midsummer been?"

"It's been interesting. That torch almost made my arms fall off."

Ahna hooted with laughter as she and Loki completed a turn. "Good thing they didn't! Did you have enough to eat?"

"If I say 'no' are you going to try to feed me?"

"Of course not. You know if you've eaten enough."

"Then yes."

When the dance ended Loki met up again with Helbindi and Bylestir and together they escorted Ahna to see Laufey and Farbauti. They sat together a while and talked and cheered Helbindi and Bylestir on while they took part in some games, but Loki found it harder and harder to follow the conversation and stay engaged with what was happening.

"Are you all right, Loki?" Ahna asked, noticing him after a few minutes.

"Just a little tired," Loki confessed, taking a sip from the cup of cider he held.

Once he'd swallowed Farbauti reached out and grasped Loki's chin to turn his head to face her. "You're awfully pale."

"I'm blue," Loki countered.

"You're a pale blue," Laufey stated. "And there are shadows under your eyes. "Think you might be in need of a rest?"

Loki looked around the bustling courtyard. "I think that might be a bit difficult, given our surroundings."

"Difficult, but not impossible," Ahna said brightly. "Wait here."

Loki set the empty cup down on the table and sighed. He couldn't remember picking it up, but it was good cider, a bit like drinking a liquid jewel. Ahna returned then, leading an old monk that Loki recognized as the slightly dotty one that had first greeted them on their last visit to the temple. "Brother Voral says that there is a quiet area set up for resting inside the temple," Ahna told him. "You could lie down there for a while, Loki."

Loki looked at Laufey and Farbauti, and they were both nodding. "You go and get some rest," Laufey told him. "Brother Voral will watch after you, and once you feel better, come back and join us."

Finding it difficult to focus on anything other than a good rest, Loki agreed and followed Ahna and Brother Voral into the temple. They headed toward the guest quarters and ended up in a long room full of cozy-looking beds.

"Here we are, prince," Brother Voral told him, ushering him to the nearest bed. "You lie down and rest and I'll be back in an hour to check on you."

"And I'll tell your parents you're settled," Ahna promised. "You rest, all right?"

"Thank you," Loki said gratefully, stretching out on the bed. A moment later Brother Voral spread a blanket over him and tucked him in, and Loki let himself relax once he heard the door close. His head was cloudy enough that he felt as if he'd had some of that dreaming wine, but of course that was ridiculous. The cider he'd had had been golden with no trace of green.

He slipped into dreams then, the images from the day floating through his head like feathers in a breeze. He was deep in a dream about all the cheering during the morning ceremony when the cheers resolved into whispers.

"...think he's asleep?"

"He had some of that cider. He's asleep."

"Anyone coming yet?"

"Nope. No one out there but the monk and he won't say a word."

"Not for a while, at least."

He heard the footsteps of several men surround his bed and he fought to open his eyes. What was going on?

"He's so small."

"He's a lalta. They're all small."

"Let's get him wrapped up and get the hell out of here."

Loki felt himself picked up, turned in someone's arms, and the blanket wrapped tightly around him. With a herculean effort, he forced his eyes open.

When he and Thor had been young, they'd both had their own theories about what the Frost Giants were like and what they looked like. During their playtime they'd often pretended that they were under siege by a horde of hideous Frost Giants, and they'd spent lots of time describing their imagined features and bloodthirstiness to each other with relish. Later they had to ease up on the gruesomeness of those descriptions when they gave themselves nightmares. For some reason, the images from those nightmares had stayed with Loki and occasionally they would return to haunt his dreams.

His bad dreams had come to life and they were surrounding him. He stared in shock at Frost Giants that matched his horrific boyhood nightmares perfectly. He drew a breath to cast a spell, but the opening of a jug pressed against his mouth, cider flooded his mouth, and the last thing he remembered was the blanket being pulled over his head.