edit posted 5/6/2018
7.
I felt a nudge that barely jostled my shoulder. "You up?" Sam's voice came from my left. I mumbled something that sounded like, "Unfortunately," before opening my eyes to look at him. He looked tired but otherwise he was still smiling down at me from his sitting up position.
"Did you fall asleep at all?" He asked. I technically wasn't supposed to have fallen asleep at all. Luckily I hadn't or there could have been a chance I didn't wake up. I think I experienced several near-death close calls. I didn't need to add another to my list.
"No. I don't even know if I'm actually conscious right now." I place my hands over my face and let out a heavy sigh. That in itself made me feel ten times more out of it. It was very rare that I was this bone tired but having to force yourself to stay conscious would do that to a person. Me especially.
I heard him laugh. He poked me in the shoulder for good measure.
I groaned. "Are we heading out?"
"Yeah." He sounded amused. I moved my hands out of my face once again to look at him. "Are you in a hurry because it might take me a minute to get out of this bed?"
I could tell from his expression that he was very close to joking with me. "You're fine. Your shoes are close by and you'll need one of the shirts because it's cool out." I had figured it would be cold. I wasn't sure what time it was but considering he asked Trinity to meet us at my house it had to be somewhere in the early part of the morning.
I started to roll out of the bed or at least sit up but then it hit me that that was probably going to hurt a lot. That and the feel of the stitches as I tried to move had me laying back down. "I'm gonna need your help. This is really going to suck." I blew out a breath as I stared at the ceiling. I hated being dependent on other people. It was why I lived on my own.
Sam didn't seem to mind. He hopped off the bed and came around to the other side to assist. It was the worst side. I extended my hand out to him and he bent down to wrap his arm around my shoulder. It was more painful than I was hoping for as he pulled me carefully up into a sitting position.
"You would be the guy who gets in with the crowd who do the super stuff." I told him as he bent down to make sure my shoes were in front of me so I wouldn't have to move that much.
He even went so far as to showcase a few of the shirts for me to pick. I grabbed the blue and white flannel and he once again helped me get it on.
"How much do you love the jacket?" He asked, pointing to the bloodied jacket that I had once been wearing. I couldn't really love it that much after everything that happened.
"You can trash it, I suppose. I don't think I can wear it again." He nodded, understanding settling on his face.
We left the room together. It was really quiet throughout the house. I hadn't paid much attention to any of that last night when Emilie had immediately brought me to one of the rooms so that she could patch me up. Now I was noticing how little there was in the house. There was furniture – sure – but there wasn't anything that made it seem homey. Maybe because no one stayed here for more than a few days? I couldn't be sure.
Emilie and a tired looking Bucky met us by the door. Steve was on the phone in the kitchen.
"Remember to call me in a few weeks." She told me with a smile on her face. I didn't really understand how she could smile with all this craziness going on but she must have been used to dealing with this kind of thing. I didn't get a chance to ask her how long she had been with Bucky. It had to be long enough for her to have somehow gotten Steve back with Bucky. That had to take a solid year or two at best.
I had just come into the circle. This was something I could also ask Sam. He had to have known about it too. He had mentioned that he was with Steve whenever he needed him. It wasn't too far to think that he would have asked him to help find him.
I gave her a small nod. It was the only thing I could muster at this point.
"I would offer you a hug but I don't want to hurt you." Emilie mumbled shortly.
I had to bite down a laugh and settle for a smile. She was really cute. If she didn't have Bucky…
I kept that thought to myself though I'm sure she knew what I was thinking because she started giggling much to the confusion of her boyfriend and Sam who just shook his head.
"I'm gonna take her home before you decide to keep her or something, Em." Sam mumbled as I felt him reach for my arm so he could pull me out the door. I gave her one last look before I was out the door.
"What do you think she was going to do, Sam?" I asked as we walked towards a black Explorer.
"I wasn't too worried about her as much as you." I felt that small tug at my chest. It was more of a joking tone but I think his words had some merit to them. He had been concerned.
"Okay, then what was I going to do?" Sam gave me a look as if to say 'I saw the way you were eyeing her', I rolled my eyes at him. I wasn't going to try anything with a woman who was already taken. Especially someone who was happy and completely straight. She didn't give me a vibe that told me otherwise. "I'm not that kind of person." I answered him once he was sitting next to me in the car.
"I know, Bee." He was still looking at me as if he was trying to figure something out. He didn't say what. He just turned the ignition over and backed out of the long driveway that led into the road that would take us away from the house by the lake.
I decided that I would try to sleep while we drove back to town. That had to take some time. It was so remote. That might have been the point of it though.
Before I could fully get to sleep Sam asked me where exactly I lived. I would have slapped myself in the face if I was feeling up to it. I rattled off the address, it was on the other side of town than both Sam's place of employment – the not super hero related one – and his house. The place I grew up in was on the rural side of D.C.
He let me be after that. Or at least until I woke up on my own.
If I hadn't been in a car I probably would have slept a little more than the forty five minutes that I had. I stared at the clock. It was a little after seven, I swiveled my gaze out the window to see exactly we were. We had gotten back to the city now. We weren't downtown as of yet but it was fairly close.
"Did you speed or was there no traffic?" I didn't think he should have gotten here that quickly. An hour at the least but he had already made it.
"I know some shortcuts." He was smiling to himself as if that was another secret he was keeping.
When we approached a stoplight he looked over at me. "Hey, I have a question. Do you drive?" The answer should have been simple, and truthfully it was but it triggered me to think of something I didn't want to. "Yes. I don't own a car though."
"Why not? This city is busy. You'd be a lot safer in a car than walking."
"I don't live far from where I work, and anywhere else I need to go can be navigated through various transports."
We were moving again when he replied. "That doesn't answer my question. You're evading."
"It's a long story, but the short answer is I've never had the money to buy a car. Where I was living before I moved back to my mom's was hell on my pocket."
"So should you be able to buy a car, you would?" I could tell he was going somewhere with this.
"I suppose…" I trailed off, unsure where he was going with this.
"What kind of car?" He continued on as if this was really important.
I let out a sigh. "I don't know. I haven't really thought about it, Sam. Are you offering to go with me to find a car?"
We stopped once again. Downtown had traffic and we had to swim through it to get where we were headed.
"Sure." He answered without much hesitation. I just stared at him.
"I wasn't completely serious." This guy. He was something else.
I had started to realize that late last night while reading those text messages. This was something different. He was trying to help me with things that he didn't need to necessarily, and yet I was entertaining the idea minimally at best.
"I am." He sighed.
"Okay but you will have no hand in me getting the money for a car." I didn't think he would offer that kind of thing. He wasn't Tony Stark after all. He was Sam Wilson. This really humble person that I had come to know during one of the worst periods of my life. He was good. He was a nice change of pace, and yet he was still catching me off guard.
He made sure to look at me when he gave me the answer. "Deal."
The both of us were quiet for a little while as we cruised on through the traffic. It took about twenty minutes more than necessary to get to my house. When we did I wasn't that surprised when Trinity came rushing out the door. I turned to Sam only to see his door closing. He was on his way around.
He waved to Trinity before opening up my door and extending his arm again. I attached to it carefully and he helped me get down and out of the car. I had to put my hand up when Trinity approached. She could not glomp me with a hug right now. Maybe in a couple of days or weeks.
"You really brought her back, hurt!" She turned back to Sam who was looking sheepish and yet concerned about who he was leaving me with. I let out a laugh at the sight of them both.
"I'll be fine, Tri. I'm all patched up. You probably won't have to worry about too much blood." Sam knew I was joking but Trinity was probably one of the most worrisome people I had ever met.
"BLOOD?!" She asked as she circled around me as if she could find where exactly I was hurt.
"Trinity. I was joking. I have stitches. If I don't move too much they won't open up."
She didn't really believe me so she turned to Sam.
"Do you take her to a hospital or something?"
He shook his head. "A friend of mine is good with a needle, and I trust her. Bee can vouch for her, I swear. If it helps she's kind of in love with Captain America's best friend."
"WAIT, Captain America? What is going on?" We both had to watch Trinity as she tugged at her curls in exasperation at not knowing anything.
"You probably shouldn't have mentioned him. She's almost worse than my grandmother." At the mention of my grandma he perked up. I knew he was going to ask. "The answer is still no, Sam."
He sighed but accepted the answer. "Let's get you both inside then."
Trinity shot me a very confused look but I gave her a smile before she led the way to the door. Once inside I moved away from Sam and went through to the living room so that I could lay on the couch. I wasn't going to be going to my bed right now. Not with both of them here.
-x-
Sam found Bee's house welcoming. It had looked rather small on the inside but once they stepped inside it opened up into the large living room that shared two couches, one which she immediately gravitated to. It had a large blanket laying across it.
He smiled as he watched her curl up into it. She opened her eyes after a moment. "You can sit down." She gestured to the other couch slowly. As much as he wanted to stay he knew that he couldn't. Steve had wanted to get going on this operation as soon as possible.
"I can't. I gotta head back."
Bee sighed. "Alright, well just let me know when you're back home. Safe." She reminded him. He couldn't see her face but he imagined that she must have been worried about him too. From what little they had talked about it last night, she didn't seem too keen on him going to fight a bunch of aliens. If only she knew how much it freaked him out. He hadn't even really worked with Thor before and yet here they were battling people that he had known.
"I will." He promised her.
Before he could head out though Trinity stopped him. "I need to know what you meant about Captain America. I mean he's a good guy. I had assumed you were a good guy. So what happened?"
Sam turned around to look over at Bee. He wasn't sure what he should tell her friend. Bee had only known the basics as far as he was concerned unless she went digging. He didn't think so though.
She must have felt him looking at her because she used the back of the couch to push herself up to sit. She looked a bit pained doing that. He had to keep himself planted on the ground as to not automatically make sure she was okay. This whole thing was really messing with him. His instinct to protect people was as strong as ever. That's why he had to leave this house.
"He's the Falcon." She mumbled before gesturing for him to go. "You should probably go before she does anything embarrassing." She had a grin on her face when she said it.
Sam gave her his own grin before rushing out the door. He couldn't help but wonder how that conversation was going to go down. He shot a text to Steve to let him know that he'd meet them in twenty knowing that they had headed to the airport where he was supposed to be meeting up with everyone.
-x-
I had to give Trinity the short version of events. Steve Rogers invited me to a party through Sam, I went to said party where there was an attack and I nearly got thrown out a window by some weird creature. I met Emilie who patched me up. She tried to ask a thousand questions but I had to cut her off after the second one. "I haven't slept hardly any. Will you let me sleep please?"
"One more question…" She mumbled as I laid back down on the couch. She pulled the blanket down so that I could have it. I tossed it haphazardly around me and cocooned myself until I was satisfied. "Why didn't you go to sleep?"
"Well, I could have had a concussion and I was also in the bed with Sam. The first part, most definitely." I could feel myself falling asleep when I felt her grab my face. I only opened one eye. "What now, Tri?"
"You were in the bed with that hot man?"
"Mhm." I hummed before turning out of her grasp. "I was awake. I let him sleep. Nothing else. I'm starting to regret letting him use my phone to get you here."
"I'll let you sleep." I can practically hear the smile in her voice. She would want to talk about that too. Dammit.
When I woke up much later it was dark outside and inside the house apart from the kitchen light that I could see from my position on the couch. Trinity must have been in there. "Trinity." I called, hoarsely.
I groaned as a sudden wave of memories hit me hard. I don't know if it was from the dream I had or if it was everything catching up to me but I could feel myself shaking in terror.
The car was on fire. I couldn't believe that I had been able to force the door open to get out. My head felt like it was split in two. I could feel that there was something wrong with my shoulder but I had to get away from the car.
He was still in it but I couldn't save him in my condition. I had tried waking him three times before I realized that the car was burning and I had to try to save myself. I didn't want to leave him, not really and yet I had to.
I could feel the tears of pain and anguish drop down in quick streams as I kept moving down the road. The one thing I was focused on was that he had intentionally hit that wooden pole.
I had survived it. He was still in that car. It blew up behind me. I couldn't look back. I just kept on walking.
I felt her hands on my shoulders, trying to keep me still. "Hey. Did you skip out on the pills or something?"
I broke out of it soon enough though I could still feel the stickiness of my tears.
"I didn't think I would need them. I was fine yesterday." Then you nearly died again, I had to remind myself. Trauma was tricky that way. You think you're safe and it comes back and hit you several times over.
"You know you're supposed to take them every day. Are they in the bathroom?"
"Yeah." I sighed as I watched her leave me there. I knew that she was pissed at me. I knew why too. Trinity had been there then too when I needed her to help me. She had shoved my shoulder back into place despite how scared she was. Then she had gone with me when I started therapy for a couple months. I didn't like it so I stopped going but the prescription kept being filled over and over. The doctor more than likely taking pity on someone who wouldn't ask for help no matter how much she needed it.
I found solace in familiar things and the people who I knew I could trust. Trinity was that person. Pa was the only other one who had known what had happened. Because he found me a mess in the bathroom of their house one night when I had stayed over. I had to tell him. He had never told his wife much to my confusion.
Whenever we talked about Jay it was like twisting the knife. I hated talking about him. I hadn't fully processed what he had done. I still wasn't through processing it, it seemed.
Trinity came back with two pills in hand. As she handed them to me I realized one was pain medication and the other that was supposed to be used to combat these little trauma induced attacks. She ducked into the kitchen to grab me a bottle of water. She returned with it and a sandwich which she must have prepared previously.
"Thanks." I mumbled before I tossed the medicine in my mouth and took a swig of the water. "Sorry. I know none of this is helping me or you right now."
"It's not me I have to worry about. I mean you haven't had an episode in what a year or so? Then you don't take your medicine one night and here I am having to fight back tears because I don't want to see you like that. I don't want anyone to see you like that. Have you spoken to Sam about it?"
I knew that she was right about some of it. I just didn't want this to be a big deal. I worked hard to try not to have to deal with this. I was dealing with it though; in my own way. "Not really. I may have mentioned someone I lost but that was it. This was right after mom died so I don't know. It's not exactly on my list of things that I want to talk about, Tri."
"If he helped you with your grief and I think he did to some extent. It wouldn't hurt to talk to him about it."
"He isn't my therapist." I mumbled before picking up the sandwich. A lovely cold cut sandwich with cheese, pickles and tomato. It was delicious and I hadn't really realized how hungry I was.
"No, you stopped going to your therapist. From what I see he does want to help. You didn't see him fighting not to run over to you when you were pitifully trying to pull yourself up with your bad arm."
I had to fight a blush and instead looked at her as if she had grown a head. "What was he doing?"
Trinity smiled as if she knew what I was trying to do. "C'mon humor me. We're gonna be here a while anyways." She seemed to realize that too.
"Alright, fine." She came around and sat next to me, putting my feet up on her lap. "That was only my second time being around him and I could genuinely tell that he wanted to stay here with you. He was shifting on his feet. You know that thing that guys do when they aren't sure what to do in a new place. It was like that only he knew what he wanted to do but he was running out of time. Did he go to do super hero stuff?"
I had nearly forgotten that the last thing that Trinity had heard from me was that Sam was The Falcon.
I shrugged with my good side. It still somehow hurt the other side. I looked down at my side and frowned. "Yeah, I think so. Before you ask I know nothing beyond the fact that he was going to meet the rest of them. I think he wants to keep me out of it."
I had given her the perfect opportunity. "He wants to keep you safe." She cooed.
"Quit it." I grumbled as I finished off my sandwich. "No chips?" I frowned.
"You don't have any." She remarked. "You can't seriously expect me not to find this whole situation great for you. You haven't told me exactly how you met. You said it was around the time your mom passed. So about three months ago?"
I nodded. "I really want something sweet."
"I will go shopping for you tomorrow. Just write out the list. I'll get it all. Stop avoiding my prying." She pouted.
I grinned at her. It was too bad I didn't see her that way. She was just Trinity. The woman who was as much as my friend as she was my lifeline for about three years now.
"Maybe take it as a sign that you should stop prying."
"But, he's handsome and you're my friend."
"That literally doesn't change anything."
"You told him to text you when he got back. That's one step in the right direction." She egged me on.
I groaned. "Okay. Yes. I want him to be safe too. Is that a crime?"
"It's adorable is what it is."
"Trinity, for the love…" I stopped when I felt my phone vibrate at my hip.
I handed her the plate so that I could get my phone. I would have thought it had gone dead at this point. I twisted out of the blanket slowly, the jerk motion causing me to curse as I felt the pain.
"Is it that important? You know I could have helped you right?" She mumbled as I got a hold of my phone.
She could have. "Oops." I muttered. I wasn't good at accepting help from people but Trinity wasn't just anyone. She had helped me without asking plenty times before.
I pressed the button so the phone would light up.
1 SMS
B.
I bit my lip as I unlocked the phone. I knew that Tri was looking at me curiously but I was wondering why I suddenly had a message from him. It had been at least a year since the last time he contacted me. I didn't know where he was. I didn't know if he was still alive. I hoped. But, I hadn't heard a word and I hated contacting people for nothing.
I opened the message.
You okay?
Good to know you're still breathing. I'm shit right now but hanging in there.
While I waited for him to reply back. It usually took him a couple of minutes. I had found out a long while ago that he thought things out carefully before responding. I had met him through my job after all. It was technically against the rules to keep in contact with a caller but he seemed like he needed someone. I had needed someone too. I knew his name and though it would have been easy for me to find a picture of him online I didn't want to.
A part of the job was keeping things professional. I still took that on to some extent. Nothing would happen with B.
"Who has you smiling?"
"B." I replied simply.
"He's still alive?" She looked surprised.
"Apparently so." I mumbled as my phone buzzed again.
1 MMS
I furrowed my brow before unlocking my phone. He had sent me a photo. I drew in a deep breath as it loaded and I saw a photograph of B. He wasn't smiling exactly but he seemed unscathed. A message was attached to it.
As much as I can be. Want to talk about it?
I know I hadn't exactly told Trinity that I would talk to Sam about it though I did want to at least tell him a part of it. If I was going to have him going with me to find a car he had to know part of the reason why I hadn't bought a car. B to an extent did know that I had been in a car accident that had scarred me in some way. I hadn't told him anything more than that.
I looked up at Trinity to see her looking at me curiously. "I'll talk to Sam about pieces of the Jay story." I told her before I typed a reply to my other friend.
Well, I got myself hurt and won't be able to go to work for some time. T is here with me though. So that's something.
Trinity looked over at the message I had sent. As I lifted my head I saw her smiling. She was glad I had finally agreed with her. Also that I was mentioning her, too.
"He's got that professor look to him." She commented at the photo of B.
He did. I had to admit that. It wouldn't change that I knew who he was. He was still my far away friend. I had no intention of actually seeking him out. It wasn't my place to.