Rose's POV
I groaned at the intrusive sound of the doorbell. "I can't take any more right now," I muttered.
Dimitri jolted up, ready for action. He gave me a sideways glance, "Why don't you get in the shower?" he asked slowly, carefully. "I'll get the door," he said, already in motion. I nodded lazily, heaving my body up from the couch. "Yeah, whatever. Can you send whoever it is away? Tell them to come back tomorrow," I said pleadingly.
I noticed Dimitri's hesitation, he had a slower gait than usual, stalling from opening the door until after I had left the room. I didn't pause to prod him about it, he was probably saving me from being confronted by more people in the bloody state I was in.
In the bathroom, I turned the shower knob all the way to the left. The shower filled my ears with white noise. Steam had just started to fog the mirrors by the time I had peeled my disgusting clothes off and carefully tore the velcro off of my wrist brace. I entered the shower slowly, one limb at a time. The water was burning my skin, but I didn't even consider turning the temperature down. For a long time I stared down at the shower floor, watching the red hit the bottom and get whisked away by the water. I felt the same sensation of calm course through me watching the blood fade as I did the day when I returned to Court without my memories.
When the red had turned to a light pink on the floor, I felt my chin tremble. I'm washing her away, I thought. I had always thought I'd rid myself of her a long time ago. My eyes scrunched up in an involuntary reflex to hold back tears, which only made me more upset. So I cried. I cried more than I did when Tasha had actually died under my pulse. I didn't produce a lot of tears, but my whole body shook, until finally I trailed a hand down the shower wall, guiding my way to the floor. I kneeled under the harsh pelts of scalding water, now clear as it swiftly travelled down the drain.
Images of Christian walking away from me came to mind, flashing like a neon sign. I may have permanently damaged my friendship with him. But Tasha started it! I wanted to scream.
Christian and Tasha weren't the only things bothering me, though. I was losing support as a princess. Queen Tatiana had given me this position because I was supposed to make the dhampirs stronger, more united. But ever since taking my council seat, I've only brought havoc and fighting to the Court.
The protests that followed me home were proof of my failure as a princess. Clear as day, I heard Randall's words from so long ago: You'll be nothing, and when I give you back to the Moroi, they won't even want you.
Dimitri had to come get me out of the shower. I had stopped sobbing by then, I was just sitting in silence and not thinking too much but feeling it all. I shouted at him to go away, wanting to be alone. Dimitri's response was to turn off the water, and the cold air rushed in sending a shiver through me. My brain clicked back on after being dormant all afternoon, and the fall back into reality was anything but pleasant.
Dimitri handed me a towel with an apologetic look. "Our guests are getting worried," he said. I froze mid-towel wrap. "What?" I asked, my head sticking out from my neck. I was wearing the stern I'll give you one chance to take back what you said look that I had perfected over my term as princess. I usually reserve the look for arguments with conservative princes on the council.
Dimitri gave me a pained look, his I'm about to tell you some bad news, and I'm really sorry look. "I said our guests are worried about you." I stared at him as I processed this information. I waited for him to crack and admit it was just a joke, but that never happened. I scoffed at the ground.
"Okay… Then who are our guests?" I asked with a fake brightness, the petulant teenager taking over the wounded dhampir in me. My eyes were scrunched up in a mock smile. Dimitri's apologetic demeanor changed, becoming something more resolute at my attitude.
This was normal for us. These silent arguments consisted of me being a sarcastic brat and him becoming impatient. He usually won these types of arguments simply because, well, I am being a brat. "My family is here," he said in a low tone, warning me without words to get my act together.
Dimitri has gotten better about not patronizing me, but when it comes to his family he tends to resort back to the Dimitri that loves to tell me what to do.
I straightened my back. "Oh," I said, taken aback. "Well, good." I stammered, shocked and ashamed that I hadn't remembered the sisters were all at the hospital last we checked. I stuffed fabric from the towel over where the towel overlapped on my chest to keep it in place and went to the counter, mostly to avoid Dimitri's eyes. "Is Karolina okay?"
Dimitri smiled at my reflection, "Go see for yourself. I, uh, let them borrow some of your pajamas, I hope that's okay? I would've asked but you were in the shower and I didn't want-"
"It's fine!" I cut him off, waving a hand and smiling. This happens a lot, too: us awkwardly patching up our fights by being as nice as strangers. It works because we can both see this as the apology it's meant to be.
"When did your sisters get here?" I asked, trying to sound nonchalant. Dimitri had that same pained look on his face from earlier. "Actually, they're all here. My mom and grandmother flew in with the kids." I raised my eyebrows at his reflection. At that moment he looked small, somehow. "They didn't just barge in though," he went on, "they asked if it was okay to stay with us. I just, well you were in the courthouse then... I forgot to tell you."
I took a deep breath. "Okay. Okay, good," I said as I exhaled. "I'm… glad that they're all staying here." My words came out slowly and didn't sound authentic. Dimitri nodded effusively. "I'll let you get dressed. Oh, and they're all in pajamas." Dimitri wasn't in his, at least not yet. "Oooh!" I cooed with forced excitement, "A P.J. party sounds fun!"
Dimitri smiled again, but it didn't reach his eyes. Then he left, and I was alone again.
Olena Belikova ran forward to engulf me in a giant hug, squeezing the air out of me. "Spasibo, spasibo…. Oh, spasibo!" She was breathless, gasping to form the words. I surrendered myself to the hug, letting the older woman sway from foot to foot with me in her arms. Over her shoulder, I could see the rest of the Belikov family smiling adoringly at us.
When Olena released me she took my face into her hands. I hadn't noticed any blows to my face during the scramble at the parking garage, but I caught a purplish blotch on my left cheek when I was in the bathroom. "Oh look at you, darling. Are you injured?" I shook my head, feeling a bit dizzy under Olena's concerned gaze. There was no malice in her eyes, only kindness and gratitude. I bit my lip, thinking that she should be more repulsed by me, ashamed of what I did in order to save the girls. But she wasn't.
I realized that Olena understood what it was like to be a pawn in Randall's game, the only difference was she loved him at one point. She pulled me in for a hug, and I let out a shaky breath. "I know… I know," she whispered.
Olena pulled away to ask me again if I was injured. I shook my head and laughed at the ridiculousness of the situation.
"You still need rest, you all need rest," she announced to the room. She sighed and gave me a warm smile that made my heart sink. She made me think of an army general, taking charge of her soldiers in a nurturing fashion. "Thank you, for saving my daughters." She squeezed my arm.
Everyone settled into the couches, suitcases and baby bags occupying all the free space in the living room. Dimitri had already dragged out the air mattresses we bought last time his family was with us. I opted to stand away from the fray, feeling an unusual sense of claustrophobia.
Sonja was helping Karolina take a shower in the guest bathroom, and soon after I made my entrance Vika disappeared to the main bathroom.
Any pettiness I felt about the Belikovs staying with us faded in the presence of Olena. If they had asked me to stay the night, I wouldn't have been able to turn them away either.
"This is a nice surprise," I said while leaning against the wall. Okay, so maybe not all my pettiness. "You didn't know we were coming?" Olena asked while picking up a giggly Zoya. Yeva raised an eyebrow at Dimitri. Ah, that's where he gets it from. Dimitri smiled guiltily at me, "I forgot to mention it earlier. Rose had just gotten home when you showed up," he explained to his grandmother.
Yeva sighed at her grandson and turned back to me, "This is okay? We don't want to be in your way." I waved my hand in the air to dismiss her worries, thinking it was odd that Yeva cared whether she was imposing or not. "You're not in the way at all." Could have used some damn warning, though, I thought. As much as I loved the Belikovas, I didn't enjoy surprise slumber parties (especially when they included three small children). I smiled reassuringly, all the while thinking unkind words toward Dimitri. I dismissed those thoughts right away.
I told myself that I was just exhausted, and everything would be okay once I could get some damn sleep. The backs of my eyelids were throbbing, every square inch of my body becoming heavier with the second I stood. The energy I gained from scalding my skin was wearing off quickly.
Before I knew it, Olena appeared in front of me with a steaming mug and handed it to me. I thanked her, not knowing the contents of the drink. A tea bag floated on top of the drink, the tag read Chamomile Lavender Herbal Tea. Something Dimitri bought for sure, I would never ask for something with a fancy name like that. I took a sip, letting the hot water burn my throat. I wondered if there was caffeine in herbal tea or black tea, I could never remember which. I practically gulped the tea down, savoring the heat and ignoring the taste altogether.
Olena noticed this and took my mug to make me more tea. I bit my lip down, knowing that I shouldn't let her take care of me like this, but enjoying it at the same time. I took my time with the second mug, actually tasting the drink this time. I felt more alert yet also relaxed at the same time. I closed my eyes, letting the conversation around me turn to background noise.
I felt a tug on my shirt and opened my eyes. No one was in front of me, I was confused until I caught a figure shifted below me. Paul was standing there, only half my height. He held up the Monopoly game board to me, "Can we play this, aunty Rose?"
"Where did you get that?" I asked, already knowing the answer. Paul pointed to my office, and sure enough, the door had been opened. I glanced at the other adults in the room, but they were all distracted by the babies. I didn't know what to do. Was I supposed to scold Paul? I don't think it's my place to lecture a kid that's not my own, even if he calls me aunty. I know Paul didn't mean any harm, but an eight year old should know better than to open doors and snoop around in someone else's home. Then again, I did want the Belikovs to feel comfortable here. And it's not like I had anything to hide in my office anyway, besides the files on my computer.
Paul was still looking at me expectantly, wanting me to play with him. "Um…" I uttered. If I didn't say anything to him now, Paul would think it's okay to walk around my place like he owned it. If I did scold him, I would no longer be Dimitri's cool girlfriend in Paul's eyes.
Kids are complicated. After a few more awkward moments of deliberation I gave in. Screw it, I thought, it's not my responsibility to discipline Dimitri's nephew. "I don't want to play right now, Paul. But ask the others if they want to play."
Paul pouted when I wouldn't budge, urging me several times more for me to join in on the game, racking my nerves thin with each time he asked. Finally, Karolina, having joined us a few minutes ago, noticed that I was struggling to stay patient with her enthusiastic son and said something stern in Russian. Paul frowned and walked over to her, giving her a quiet, teary-eyed response and holding up the game board to her as explanation.
I felt a pang of guilt, and nervousness. What would Karolina think of me refusing to entertain Paul? She looked up at me while speaking softly to Paul, making eye contact as she comforted him on my behalf. She smiled ruefully, as if to say Kids, am I right? Her damp hair dripped onto the shirt she borrowed and Paul reached up to tug on it to get her attention back on him. I breathed a bit easier once I still had her approval and offered her a tight smile.
Vika flounced into the room, rubbing a towel furiously over her head. "Do you think the protestors will go to sleep? Or are these the hardcore, all-night protesters?" She gave me a chaste kiss on the cheek and flopped onto the couch, making herself comfortable as if she hadn't steered the conversation in the room to something that no one wanted to talk about.
No one answered her at first. I turned my head to the windows, but the curtains had been pulled across them. "I don't know," I said. "Some people really liked Rufus. And this all happened so suddenly. One day he's just your average asshole, the next day he's a corrupt Strigoi loving traitor." There was no malice in my voice. I didn't see the point in hating Rufus, not now that he's out of our lives for good.
"Well, they need to accept the truth. Those fucking idiots are protesting you for no good reason."
"Aye!" Dimitri shouted, at the same time Olena yelled "Vika!" placing her hands over Zoya's ears and nodding toward Paul. "Watch your language."
Vika rolled her eyes at her mother and I suppressed a laugh. Vika's faith in me and petulant attitude made everything feel just a bit more normal. Olena sighed, "Viktoria is right. The protesters should back off you. You've done nothing wrong, Rose." I nodded, a tight smile on my facade.
"Why don't we watch a movie? Paul, you chose," I said to change the subject. Paul leapt for the coffee table, seeking the remote control "Okay!" I settled on the floor next to Dimitri, my mug of tea now cold. Dimitri pulled me closer to him and kissed the top of my head. I let myself relax into his embrace, allowing the ease that came with his proximity. Paul scrolled through the Netflix selections, trying multiple times to pick a rated R horror film. Most of the movies got shot down by Vika or myself for having boring descriptions. Eventually Paul realized that we didn't really care what movie he chose, and we were just teasing him.
We all agreed on Inside Out, and Paul ran over to the lightswitch. He cast us in relative darkness, the room lit by the blue hue on the screen of a movie about to start. I relaxed even more when the music started and Amy Poehler's voice started the opening dialogue of the movie. With the movie on, I was safe from the Belikovs trying to cheer me up and tell me how great I am.
Olena was right about one thing, though. I haven't done anything wrong. The problem, I realized, is that I haven't done much at all. Randall's words echoed: You'll be nothing. They won't even want you.
And then I felt the hum in my veins. I was tired, but this was a different kind of energy. Maybe it was the stress, or the grief. I knew I hated feeling depressed; it always seemed like a waste of emotion. And this time was no different. I could feel the stirring deep inside me. My pain was evolving into something that made me feel like fighting. I was going to turn the tables.
Starting tonight, in my home with my extended family sitting here, I promised myself that I will become the princess Queen Tatiana wanted me to be. A princess that Tasha wouldn't have been able to touch. One that Rufus and Randall would have feared, a princess that won't bring her best friend's monarchy down, but make it stronger.
A princess to prove my protesters wrong.
Every last one of them.