Thank you so much to RachelMasonFan39, Mrs Carmichael, LittleH12, fayeftvanity, hannah5240, schefflera and lynny for your reviews! They really do mean a lot!
As a side note, thank you to anyone in the UK who clapped last night- as someone about to start a career in the NHS, it was so lovely to see... and hear :D stay safe everyone! x
Meeting her niece for the first time was a peculiar experience.
She had left Melissa at the hospital, tucked up on the cardiology ward starting a cocktail of medications and hooked up to all sorts of monitoring, with a promise that she would be looking after the kids that night. She had extracted Mel's address from Eddie and kissed him goodbye, then it was a quick dash home to pack a bag before going to her sister's house, meeting and dismissing the babysitter- whose name was Katie- and who had thankfully agreed to come back the next morning to stay for the day.
Lacey was in a Moses' basket in the living room. She was a beautiful baby, Rachel thought as she stared at her apprehensively; she cooed, hands waving in the air and Rachel couldn't help but step forwards, reaching out to catch one with her finger. "Hello Lacey," she murmured, and received another gurgle in return. This was taking being thrown into the deep end to a whole other level. She'd looked after babies before but never alone, and never in such an awkward and convoluted situation.
Noise from the front door told her Phillip was home- he pounced as soon as he saw her. "How's mum? Did the doctors figure out what's wrong with her? What's going to happen with Lacey? When's she coming home?"
"Breathe!" she reminded him. "And your mum's fine, for now. I don't know when she'll be home and I'll explain everything else in a moment."
She sent him off to change while she ordered dinner for the both of them, checked on Lacey and found her fast asleep so went hunting for the spare room, hanging up her clothes for tomorrow before they could become too creased. By the time she'd come down, Phillip had set the table and was waiting impatiently for her. So she sat and explained as much as she could, just finishing when the doorbell rang, waking Lacey. "That'll be dinner- can you get it while I get your sister?"
As she picked up the squalling baby, she had the errant thought that this was probably only going to be the beginning.
W.R.
She was proved very, very right. She had no idea what age babies started recognising and missing their parents, but suspected Lacey was old enough. She'd taken hours to go to sleep, then woken up crying at 1am, utterly inconsolable with no obvious cause. Eventually, a bleary-eyed Phillip poked his head into the room, wondering what was wrong and helpfully informed her that his sister was never usually like this and he had no idea what the issue was.
She rocked her, changed her, tried feeding her, played music and white noise and eventually resorted to frantic googling. One suggestion stood out and finally, she managed to sooth the baby to whimpers after finding a t-shirt of her sister's and using it as a makeshift blanket. Something to do with the scent on it- she wasn't sure, but combined with some clumsy swaddling it eventually sent her off into a sleep, almost three hours after she'd first woken.
Only for her to wake up again at 5 for a bottle. Rachel didn't bother going to back to bed, deciding that the two hours of broken sleep she'd managed would have to be enough. Lacey was changed, fed and in her basket by the time Phillip appeared, charged with watching her while he ate breakfast so his aunt could jump in the shower and get dressed.
It was a rush to get herself and Phillip to school once Katie had arrived, and she was beginning to regret her decision not to have returned to bed. She was exhausted, her brain sluggish enough that even coffee wasn't cutting through the haze enough for her to concentrate properly.
It didn't get any better. Over the next two days, Lacey became more and more agitated, soothed only when Rachel took her to visit Melissa in the hospital and even then, Phillip noted that she behaved very differently from how she had before. "For the love of God, do not say that in front of your mother," Rachel told him sternly as she fed the little girl for the third time that morning. That had changed as well- apparently, the girl was going through a growth spurt, and Rachel was lucky if she went two hours between waking for feeds.
When Rachel found herself dizzy from tiredness within a few days, she realised something had to give. She made her way outside, standing out in the cold in an attempt to force herself awake, but if anything it only made things worse, because now she was just shivering alongside her exhaustion.
"You look tired."
She shot Kim a dirty look as she wandered up to stand beside her. "Thank you so much."
"What are you doing out here anyway?"
"Trying to wake up." She rubbed her eyes, having to force them open again once she'd closed them.
Kim looked concerned. "Why are you so worn-out?"
Rachel hesitated, uncertain of how much she wanted to divulge, especially considering Kim's new relationship. But the woman nudged her. "It's just me, Rachel. I'm not going to tell anyone if you don't want me to."
She sighed. "It's Melissa," she confessed, and before she knew it the whole story was spilling out.
"You're looking after a newborn and working full time?" Kim sounded impressed. Rachel ran a hand through her hair.
"Well, I don't think I'm doing either very well at the moment." She leant back against the wall, glancing at Kim. "If I ask you something, will you be honest with me?"
"Of course."
She chewed her lip, wondering where to start. "Melissa's my sister," she said softly. "And of course I love her. But I haven't forgiven her for what she did, and I don't particularly want to be around her. I haven't even spoken to Eddie properly since the hospital, let alone seen him and he didn't even have to be there anyway. And I'm almost certain he went and got drunk that evening." She played absently with her necklace, staring out over the grounds. "What I'm doing with the kids right now isn't sustainable, and when Mel comes home if I'm there, I'll end up acting as a full-time nanny while she's 'recovering'." The inflection in her voice made it clear what she actually meant.
"Do you have any other family?" Kim asked tentatively.
"No, it's just us now."
After a few beats, Kim broke the silence. "So what was your question?"
"Am I an awful person if I take a step back once Melissa's out of hospital?"
Kim looked at her, stunned and unable to formulate a sentence for several seconds. "Rachel, no, of course not!"
"Even if I leave her in the lurch?"
"It's not your job to look after her family," she pointed out gently, reaching out to touch her arm. "You're not responsible for her."
Rachel shook her head. "But I am. I always have been."
Kim forced her to turn and meet her gaze. "Rachel, look at yourself," she said sternly. "You're exhausted and barely functioning. There's a reason most women with newborn babies don't work full time! You can't do this, and it isn't fair of your sister to expect you to."
"But she doesn't have anyone else." Rachel looked at her plaintively.
"In the nicest way possible, that isn't your problem."
W.R.
Kim's words ran around her head as she walked onto the hospital, carrying Lacey in her seat as she headed towards Melissa's bed. To her surprise, her sister was sat up without an oxygen mask on, looking very pleased with herself. She spotted them coming, and grinned. "Look Mum, no hands!"
Rachel gave her a faint smile she knew was more of a grimace. "You look better."
"I feel better. Hi sweetie," she cooed at Lacey, reaching out to catch her hands. "The doctors are starting to talk about me discharged. Apparently I'm responding well to treatment."
"That's good."
"Will you like that, Lacey? Mummy to be home again? Not that Auntie Rachel isn't doing a wonderful job," she added hastily, glancing up.
"Mel, we need to talk."
She looked at her apprehensively, pausing in the middle of unclipping Lacey from the car seat. "About?"
Rachel took a deep breath. "What happens when you come home."
"What do you mean?"
"Mel, I'm not staying. Once you come out of hospital, I'm going home."
Melissa's jaw dropped, and it took a few beats for her brain to kick into gear. "What? You can't! I won't be able to cope alone!"
"I'm not suggesting you do. You can hire nannies who also help around the house. I'll help you find someone if you like."
"I don't want a stranger looking after my baby!"
Rachel pressed her lips together, steeling herself. "Well it's not like you can rely on Phillip- he's only sixteen and he's at school."
"Rachel! Why won't you stay? I'm your sister!"
Rachel looked at her tiredly. "Yes, you are," she agreed. "And I love you dearly Melissa. But I don't like you very much. Nothing has changed, I'm still angry with you and quite frankly I can't run myself into the ground looking after you and your child when it's quite obvious you mean far more to me than I do to you."
"That's not true-,"
"Yes, it is," she said flatly. "You said yourself, we're sisters, but sisters aren't supposed to do what you did. You hurt me on purpose, Melissa, multiple times and in the most public and humiliating way possible, and now you expect me to drop everything, forgive you and completely turn my life upside down to help you?"
"I said sorry," Melissa defended timidly.
"And someday you're going to have to learn that just saying sorry isn't always enough."
Melissa's eyes were filled with tears, an injured, betrayed expression on her face but for once it didn't change Rachel's mind. They looked at each other in silence for a long minute, even Lacey uncharacteristically quiet between them. "I'm not walking away completely, Mel," eventually Rachel said quietly, "even though more than one person has told me to. I'll take you both to appointments, visit, even look after Lacey for short periods if you'd like. But that's it."
And that seemed to be the final straw. "Fine!" Melissa snapped. "I don't need your help anyway!"
"Well, we both know that's not true," she said wearily, rising to her feet. "I'll come back to pick Lacey up at the end of visiting times."
Melissa seemed stunned for a moment as she began to walk away. Her sister had never been able to ignore her when she was upset, and to not even respond when she was angry… what had changed? "Rachel!"
Tears slipped down the headteacher's face as she continued to walk, resolutely refusing to turn around and let Melissa see how her heart was breaking.
It took her a few minutes to make her way out of the hospital, and by the time she'd sat down on a bench outside she'd almost managed to swallow back her tears, taking her phone out almost instinctively.
"Hello, love."
She couldn't help but smile at Eddie's greeting. "Hi. I'm sorry I haven't called."
"I'm sure you've been busy. How are you?"
She was quiet for a few beats. "Tired," she murmured eventually.
"And?"
She let out a watery laugh. "How do you always know?"
"I can read you like a book. What's wrong?"
"I am tired. I think Lacey misses Melissa, if that's possible. And working at Waterloo Road on two hours sleep a night is not particular easy."
"Wait, you're still working?" he interrupted.
She would have thought that was obvious. "Yes?"
"Rach, how are you still standing?"
She let out another laugh. "I'm not sure I am," she admitted. "I'm not sure I'm making the right decision with Melissa either."
"What decision?"
She told him everything he'd missed over the past few days, fighting back tears the entire time. Eddie was silent for a long moment, until all of a sudden, he said the last thing she'd been expecting. "Halle-bloody-lujah."
Confusion washed through her. "What?"
"Sorry sweetheart. But Melissa's needed a wakeup call from you for a long time. Maybe this will be it."
She swallowed thickly. "I feel like the worst sister in the world."
"You've not turned your back on her. If circumstances were different, you might not be physically able to do what you've done with Lacey- then where would she be?"
"But I am able. And I feel awful."
"Sweetheart, you've needed to start putting yourself first for a long time. And Melissa needs to realise that her actions have consequences. You're not a bad person, or a bad sister... actually, I think you've put up with a lot more than most people would."
Her eyes stung, nothing to do with the breeze that blew around her. "Do you really think so?"
The desperate vulnerability in her voice had him wishing not for the first time, that Melissa had never come to Rochdale. "Yes," he said emphatically. "I know you, Rachel. You are the most kind-hearted person I've ever met. Looking after yourself is not selfish."
She swiped roughly at her wet cheeks, swallowing hard. "I've missed you," she confessed, "I should only be at Mel's few more days. Will you have Michael?"
"Not until Tuesday. Why don't I cook you dinner?"
That sounded almost too perfect to be true. "I don't know what day Melissa's being released."
"Doesn't matter. Just let me know, I'll be there."
She closed her eyes, warmth flooding through her. "You're wonderful, you know that?
She heard him chuckle. "Now I know you're sleep deprived."
She knew exactly what he was doing- turning the conversation to a lighter tone, in an effort to stop her being upset. And she knew there was a small smile fixed to her face now as she wiped away the tears on her cheeks. "Tell me about your week?" she requested. "How's Michael doing?"
He obliged, and she thought that as long as he was on the other end of the phone she could ignore where she was, the grey skies overhead and the cool temperature, the knowledge that in less than hour she was going to have to walk back in and face her sister again, her sister who would more than likely act like she hated her. But right now, Eddie's voice was in her ear, and she could simply listen.