Part 7 Er, ran out of witty words.

Anyway, enjoy!

(YaoiLove101, here you go!)

Both Hawke and Fenris tried to picture the distress the pirate queen must have endured.

'Perhaps that was a tad too cruel,' Hawke mused aloud, 'especially because she didn´t see it coming. I suppose they all thought the case was closed, that we would settle with the punishment of a fruitless voyage to Ostwick.´ A happy chortle escaped her. ´Oh, how they thought wrong!´

She and Fenris had made a snug picnic spot under the gone wild magnolia tree in the neglected garden. They had dragged a blanket outside together with some dishes holding several tasty titbits and Fenris had dug a shallow hole in the ground in which he had placed a terracotta jug filled with cool white wine. He was sitting on the blanket with his back against the trunk and Hawke was leaning against him, lounging languidly between his long stretched legs, enjoying the contact with her lover's taut body, the warm air filled with sweet scents of blooming summer flowers and the small bites and the jug of wine they were sharing. The elf absentmindedly twirled locks of her hair around his finger and she savoured his touch. They were contemplating their actions and Fenris said, 'Perhaps it was and thus I think in comparison we let the Dalish witch of too easy. As a matter of fact, in my opinion we indulged her.'

'Really? I would gladly have paid to see her flushed face,' Marian sniggered, 'but perhaps you're right. On the other hand I consider her the least wrongdoer. She never would have participated out of her own will. She probably wouldn't have understood the whole fuss without a clear and lengthy manual. Without Isabela's and Varric's explanation, I mean to say.' She added with wry amusement, 'So, don't be sorry about what we´ve come up for them.' She cocked her head. ´I truly hope she by now knows what it was all about.'

While entering her hovel Merrill stumbled over a rather large parcel lying just over the doorstep. With raised brows and boiling with curiosity she ripped apart the coarse brown paper and opened the book it revealed. Until deep in the night she kept turning page after page, her blush becoming more profound by the minute. This was more a revelation than Isabela's stories ever had been. And it had pictures. Very bright and very exposing pictures. She wondered who had bestowed her with this gift. Could it be ..? For a couple of days she shyly eyed thehandsome elf who lived next-door to her and finally worked up the courage to ask him in for a drink. It became a very interesting night in which the book proved to be more than convenient teaching material.

'On the other hand,' Fenris stated boldly, 'what you planned for Aveline was – devilish. I have no other word for it.'

Hawke shifted so she could accept the cup of wine Fenris proffered her. He put back the jug in the little hole in the dirt next to the tree trunk and let his fingers wander along her face for a moment. 'And here I was, thinking you considered her some kind of sister.'

Marian laughed heartily. 'It's evident you don't have any experience with siblings whatsoever. Yes, if need be we defend each other to the death but we also live to tease. This was too good an opportunity to squander.' She took a sip. 'The hard part was to get the letter past Seneschal Bran without him noticing of course. But then again it was easy enough to foretell Dumar's reaction; he always follows the same procedure. The man is so dull and predictable. And equally dumb in that typical nobility-kind of way. He never thought it odd the letter was delivered to him by a messenger instead of Aveline herself. They should have come from the same ship, for the Maker's sake!' She chuckled. 'But then again, it was all about what the message contained, that's what fooled and blinded him.'

Needless to say they had witnessed the scene from a safe distance. After all Isabela was not the only one acquainted with stealth.

Fenris smiled crookedly and caressed her cheek with the back of his hand. 'I only hope you will survive her reaction to this prank,' he said.

Aveline glared guardedly at the Viscount occupying the seat across the impressive desk. The moment he had summoned her she had expected an angry reprimand for shunning her duty but instead the man sat beaming at her as a monkey that had found the key to the banana plantation.

'Guard Captain Vallen,' he said brightly, 'I received a report from the mayor of Ostwick; he writes he asked for your help and you didn't hesitate a moment to come to his aid. He says he had heard of your wonderful results of fighting crime here in Kirkwall and indeed in just one night you wiped away a unit of Carta smugglers trying to get a foothold in his city. Well done. Well done indeed.'

Dumbfounded Aveline met his near blinding radiant wide smile. A nasty suspicion started to take form.

'You put our city in a very good light and I want you to take the credits. The mayor expresses his hope you will be rewarded accordingly to your actions and therefore I'm throwing a dinner party this night for the most important and influential noble families and insist you attend it as the shining centre of attention. You will be bestowed with a medal of honour.´

'But I,' Aveline started befuddled and with fast growing dread.

'I expect you at eight bells. Do wear your parade armour; we want you to look as the hero you are.'

'But,' Aveline tried anew, almost combusting with a mix of alarm, terror and anger. And again her protest got smothered in misguided pride and joy.

'I know you're a busy and besides that modest woman but I won't take no for an answer. See to it you're present at eight sharp, Guard Captain. Dismissed.'

Aveline stomped off to her office, simmering with unrefined fury. She knew damn well who had delivered that so called report and whom she had to curse for looking forward to a night of sheer horror; the awful practical joke had her signature stamped all over it. 'Hawke, you fucking bitch!' she seethed, 'I'll kill you!'

'What we have come up with to pester Sebastian though ...' Fenris couldn't help laughing out loud.

'I have to admit I never thought you capable of something this mean. Makes me want to think twice whenever I want to play a prank on you. And talking about the shared sisterhood between me and Aveline, I thought you considered Sebastian a friend.'

Fenris's rumbling laugh washed over her when he bowed to catch her lips in a warm kiss. ´I do. But I suppose everyone has to be taught a lesson once in a while.´

´This will be a lesson he won´t forget that easy.´

He had hardly passed the doors to the Chantry when he heard, 'Ah, Sebastian, just the man I was looking for.' For some reason or another the Grand Cleric's voice, though friendly as always, sounded ominous. 'Sister Geofride has fallen ill and we desperately need someone capable to keep an eye on the orphans. By chance I ran into Serah Hawke the other day and she told me you are very fond of children.' Sebastian felt his hackles rise; a terrible feeling of foreboding overwhelmed him. By chance? And what the ...fond of children? Oh yes, children are adorable ... from a distance and with someone else taking care of them. 'I must say I was rather surprised you never told me before yourself,' Elthina went on, radiating nothing but affability which in his eyes however quickly turned into nasty smugness, 'but here is your chance to spend time with the little rascals.' Before he could come up with an excuse or vent some kind of meagre protest he was ushered inside the nursery annex Chantry school. 'Have fun!' Elthina said joyfully before she took her leave. Sebastian stared in panic at the host of children who all thirty-four looked expectantly back, measuring him up with conceited sharpness as children do. After a short but heavy silence a boy with curly flaming red hair and a runny nose stepped forward and pointed at his belt buckle. 'Is that your mum?' he demanded to know.

Sebastian straightened his shoulders and cleared his throat. 'That is the holy Andraste,' he explained solemnly, thinking to start a lesson but being cut short immediately.

The boy looked critically at the image. 'Doesn't look like Andlaste,' he concluded, 'she has a funny nose.'

Before Sebastian could compose an adequate answer to such blatant blasphemy the boy had already wandered off, as had the rest of the group, apparently bored with his appearance. Instead something small but very persistent started tugging at his sleeve. He looked down and met the most innocent and honest eyes in the world. 'Brother Sebasan? Sister Geofride always has honey cookies.' The girl didn't flinch under his scrutinizing stare. 'And cold lemonade,' she rose the stakes without as much as blinking. And again he got interfered before he could react. This time the interruption consisted out of two high pitched screaming voices. With the heroic pose of the ones willing to risk everything to prove they were able to live up to the challenge he dived into the ball of flailing limbs and retrieved two red faced youngsters, holding them both fast at the scruff. 'What's the meaning of this?' he asked sternly.

'She stole my dolly!' one of the two screeched, fighting viciously to get free off his firm hold.

Well, this at least was easy. 'Stealing is a sin,' he started confidentially, 'you have to give it back.'

'But she said I could play with it!' the other girl wailed, 'she gave it to me!'

'And now I want to play with it!' the first girl squealed. As to emphasise her statement she sank her teeth into his arm. Easy was turning rapidly into complicated.

Within mere minutes Sebastian wished he were back at sea.

'And I can only hope you are right with Anders,' Fenris continued after the kiss.

Now it was Hawke's turn to burst into laughter. 'Believe me, I am,' she guffawed.' They had gone through this before and Marian had explained the effect was worse for mages. She and the twins had discovered the stuff and dabbled in it on one memorable night in what she called their exploring age. Bethany had even got more bonkers than Carver and she. It seemed the mana in her sister's system had strengthened the effect, or turned it around or made something completely different out of it. 'Whatever the case, it was hilarious,' Marian giggled. After some thought she added, 'everything at that time seemed to be hilarious, mind you.'

They had aimed for a sizzling row between Anders and Justice. As a matter of fact in this particular situation the outcome was completely different but no less satisfactory as they learned later.

Anders entered the clinic in an extremely foul mood after the return from the senseless journey. The room smelled musty after a fortnight of his absence and with an undertone of something sweet and sharp he couldn't place but he paid it no attention. He craved for a glass of – whisky, rum, brandy, well anything stronger than water but with Justice around, or rather within, he had to settle with tea. Muttering all kinds of curses under his breath he put the kettle on, filled the teapot with a generous handful of the brown leaves of the tin where he kept his tea and put a cup on the table in advance. The trouble began not long after he had emptied his second cup and had started with his third. The tea had tasted strange, he had to admit, then again strange but not unappetizing.

'Have you ever noticed the stains on the wall look like ... roses,' Justice rumbled dreamily, 'it's quite beautiful actually.'

Anders raised his brow in confusion. 'What?'

'Roses,' Justice repeated, 'nice roses, red and brown and ...well, roses ... although somewhat wilting ... and don't you just love the smell of decay in this place ... so sweet ... makes me think of my days in the Fade ... everything ... fading ... nothing like the smell or sound of lyrium of course but ...sweet ... yes, sweet, like the roses on the wall ...'

Anders couldn't come up with anything more intelligent than another puzzled though pressing "What?" In fact he was gobsmacked.

And then Justice burst out in a fit of giggles. 'Everything fading ... fading in the Fade ..! Oh, that's brilliant! I should write that one down! If I could hold a quill ... hahaha ... Fading in the Fade ..!'

Soon after that Anders's head got filled for quite a while with irritating loud and hearty titters and sniggers. Seemingly going on forever. Fading in the Fade! Imagine that ...imagine roses ... in the Fade ... hilarious! And quills .. there're no ..haha! Roses, such beautiful roses ..'

'Shut up!' Anders yelled in dismay, 'it's not funny!' Suspiciously he stared in his cup of – tea. 'Oh bloody hell,' he groused when the truth hit him. 'O Hawke! You, you ... you insufferable twat!' He never could have dreamed he would utter something like that, but here it was.

The worst part was he suffered from an insatiable hunger attack an hour of what later and hardly could quench his thirst while all the time Justice kept on having his happy bout of hysteria. 'How typical!' he complained, 'you get all the fun and I am stuck with the side-effects!'

'But nothing compares with what we had in store for Varric,' Marian said, 'I almost pity the little man.'

They went silent. Remorse hang in the air.

'Perhaps that was more than a tad too cruel,' Marian finally murmured.

'Speaking about mean,' Fenris said contemplatively, 'I gather I'm the one who has to worry about waylaying you, not the other way around.'

Marian pulled herself together. 'He is Varric, he will talk his way out of it,' she said with confidence, 'he always does.' And after some seconds, 'He set this all in motion. I mean, with his wager contest.' She snorted, 'he had it coming.' But still that remorse lingered.

Varric woke up to a disturbing rattle on his door. The person rapping the wood made it clear there was no talking out of it. Nevertheless the dwarf mumbled sleepily, 'Go away!' As already foreseen the person wasn't discouraged by his reaction. Varric flew up when the door was opened but the words lying on the tip of his tongue dissolved by seeing the dwarf entering his room, or rather the beard that preceded him. There was no mistaken that beard. 'Guild Master Harvid,' he wheezed. And to make the scene of horror complete the man was not alone; in fact he was accompanied by a host of dwarves all carrying heavy and important looking notebooks. Varric froze.

'Master Tethras,' the other dwarf nodded, 'I will make it short, (could have been a nice pun uttered by anyone but you, thought Varric dismally) no need for pleasantries,' Guild Master Harvid droned on. As if you knew any 'We're here to audit.'

'Audit what?' Varric squeaked alarmed, more awake than ever but not, as it turned out, awake enough.

'Everything. We got a very disturbing message from your cousin Elmand about the financial running of the family business.'

Varric bolted upright. 'That's impossible! My cousin Elmand is nonexis-' Just in time he swallowed the rest of the word.

The Guild Master though reacted fast as a hawk. 'He is what?'

'Not well, that's what he is, not well at all.' Cold sweat broke out.

'I'm very sorry to hear that. But we don't need him to go through your registers and ledgers. So please climb out of your bed and hand us over the books. I intend to go through all the contracts and figures very thoroughly.' He flashed him a nasty smile. 'We wouldn't want to be something amiss with the business of one of our most – er – notorious members, would we now.'

The next hours would turn out to be the worst of Varric's life. He praised himself for his insight of keeping the actual writings of the business elsewhere and being able to present the imaginatively forgeries to the stone-like dwarf who seemed to command his environment for long tormenting hours. A Paragorn of ledgers, Varric thought sourly and with more than a twinge of sheer panic. Nevertheless he had the feeling of being less than two inches high, which even for a dwarf is pretty short, for more time than he cared to count. Guild Master Harvid was not one to toil with and even less to fool. When the impressive beard finally carried the dwarf outside his suite he sagged back in a chair and with trembling fingers reached for the nearest bottle available. He had had to use all of his talents of persuasion and overwhelming charm to beat the Guild Master off his back. He felt exhausted.

I don't know which one of you culprits is responsible for this but I will get your hide for it, he thought with murder on his mind.

Fenris stretched his arms above his head and pensively bit his lip. 'What are your thoughts about the Anderfels? Ot Antiva ... do you like Rivain perchance?'

Hawke wrinkled her nose in puzzlement. 'Er, why?'

'Because I figure it would be wise to take a long holiday somewhere far, far away.'

I swear I thought this chapter would be the end of it but as always I got carried away. Well, posting two chapters on one night with my stats still not working – must be some kind of record. Er, thinking about it, stats or no, it is a record.

About those stats, still looking for a clue.

Anyone willing to help? ... Thanks for reading by the way!