February 1981

New Year's Day came and went with no sign of the boys coming home. Another month passed slowly, with Freya was still stuck on desk duty at work, so she regularly dropped off and picked up Annabelle from Lily's house on her way every day except today. Today, she stayed home with Annabelle. Freya spent the day in bed, paralyzed by a strange mix of emotion and numbness, a fear that crushed her chest and an emptiness that made her not care if her fears did come for her. Her heart raced, pounding like a drum in her chest and ears until it was the only thing she could hear. She was overwhelmingly cold, but her skin was drenched in sweat as though she were outside in the height of summer heat. Her diaphragm and stomach muscles clenched almost painfully, making every breath a conscious effort to stay alive. Wand raised in her trembling hand, she curiously observed the fresh set of scars on her left forearm, frowning at the results of her attempts at Snape's favorite curse. The scars could have easily been avoided, but she couldn't bring herself to move from the bed to retrieve the Essence of Dittany from the bathroom to prevent the scarring, so she was stuck with the evidence permanently. Deciding to take a less visible approach, she pointed her wand at herself and muttered, "Crucio."

The curse lit her nerve endings on fire, making Freya gasp, a far more potent pain than her previous spell of choice. It faded quickly, much faster than the times that Regulus had used it on her in the past. Panting for air, tears pricked at her eyes. After steadying herself for a second attempt, she cast the Unforgivable Curse again, the spell hitting her with even greater force the second time. She whimpered at the intense pain, trying her best not to lose her grip on her wand. Suddenly, a voice, his voice, broke through to the front of her mind. "I can't come back for good until all of the horcruxes have been found… Just one besides the locket, but I can't get to it… It's in Malfoy Manor..."

Another, deeper voice pierced through the fog the pain had created in Freya's mind, much louder, like a radio suddenly clearing of static, making Regulus's words fade from her mind. "Freya!" Her eyes snapped open, and the pain dissipated as Sirius ripped her wand from her hand. "What the bloody hell are you doing?" Sirius demanded as Freya gasped for air.

Freya tried too hard to breathe and set off a painful fit of coughs. Sirius forced her to sit up and started searching her for injuries as she stuttered, "S-S-Sirius, I-I-I'm sorry; I just —"

"You just what?" Sirius interrupted as he discovered the bright pink scars on her arm. "You just thought that since you couldn't provoke me into hurting you, you'd just cut out the middleman and do it yourself?"

Freya shook her head. "No, of course not."

"Do you have any idea how long Annabelle's been crying?" The baby girl's cries finally made it past Freya's ears to her brain and processed. "She was screaming bloody murder when I got home, so were you intentionally ignoring her or did you just temporarily go deaf? She was crying, and you weren't answering me. I thought the worst had happened, Freya! I thought the Death Eaters had gotten in and had killed you, or worse!"

"I'm sorry," Freya mumbled, flinching from the harsh timber of his voice. "I didn't mean to…"

"Didn't mean to what?" Sirius growled. "You know I had to stop Moody from bringing four or five aurors here looking for you. You didn't go to work today, so he assumed that you were being held hostage or murdered by Death Eaters. He wanted to get up a whole damn posse to come after you, to rescue you! It's a good thing I talked him down; I don't even know how we could have even begun to explain this."

"Sirius, please, I'm sorry," Freya whimpered. Somehow, despite the obvious differences in behavior, Sirius's temper balanced by concern was somehow more difficult to take than Regulus's pure fury.

"What the hell are you doing to yourself, Freya?" Sirius asked, his voice finally dropping to a lower volume as heartache leaked into his tone.

Sirius gently traced her scars with his finger as Freya said, voice tight from unshed tears, "A mix of things. Sirius, I'm really struggling here. You've been nothing but good to me; I know that, and I'm grateful. But…" She paused, taking a deep breath to steady herself. "But losing Regulus has been incredibly hard. It's more than that, though. I'm not… I'm not just hurting myself for the hell of it. I… You're going to think I'm crazy."

Sirius shook his head. "No, I know better than that," he said softly, pulling her into his arms and holding her tenderly to his chest.

Freya clung to his shirt front, taking a few more deep breaths to try to prevent the tears from spilling over so that she could still speak coherently. "I know you keep telling me that Regulus is dead, but I swear, I still see him, alive and well. Every now and then, I get little, tiny flashes of memories of him here in this flat, or in the shops, talking to me."

Sirius sighed. "Love, we've been over this. That's impossible."

"It's not, though," Freya insisted. "Not if he's alive and using Memory Charms to prevent us from remembering that."

"Why would you think that?" Sirius asked, frowning down at her.

Freya huffed, "I suspect he doesn't believe we would or could keep it secret."

"But why would he be faking his death in the first place?" Sirius asked suspiciously. "And what does that have to do with using the Cruciatus Curse on yourself?"

Freya rushed, struggling not to get tongue-tied. "I did some research on the Forgetfulness Charm I think he's been using on me. Apparently, sometimes if the spell isn't particularly well executed, extreme levels of pain can be used to break the charm."

"And you were trying to break a Memory Charm that may or may not have been placed on you?" Freya nodded. Sirius snorted. "Well, I have to give you credit for guts, kid, but what if he didn't do anything to you, and he really is dead?"

"But he's not," Freya repeated, pushing away from Sirius as frustration took over her. "It was working. It wasn't much, but I remembered something. He was here, on Christmas I think. He said that he couldn't come back to us until he'd found all of the horcruxes."

Sirius paled. "All of the horcruxes?" he repeated. "As in, that locket you stole, it wasn't Voldemort's only horcrux?"

Freya nodded, jumping to her feet and pacing back and forth, a manic glint in her eyes. "Yes, precisely!" Freya exclaimed.

Sirius shook his head, dragging a hand tiredly down his face. "My brother is a bloody idiot," Sirius groaned. "Why the hell is he trying to do this all by himself? Why not join the Order and get others to help him?"

Freya rolled her eyes. "I'd imagine that he'd have issues trusting the Order since he's a former Death Eater," Freya mocked. "But that doesn't matter right now. I remembered where he said the next one he found is, but he can't get to it. No wonder, either. That place is insanely secure and full of Death Eaters. I don't know if even the Department of Magical Law Enforcement can get in."

"Where is that?" Sirius asked, looking a good ten years older than he really was as his gray eyes stared up at Freya from his seat on the bed.

"Malfoy Manor," Freya answered, suddenly remembering that Annabelle was crying and rushing from the bedroom to the nursery, retrieving the baby from the crib and clutching her to her chest. Annabelle instantly began to calm, though she still seemed hungry, so as Sirius walked slowly to catch up with her, Freya carried Annabelle to the kitchen and got the Cheerios from the cabinet. Sirius set up the high chair for Freya, so all the young mother had to do was plop Annabelle in and dump some Cheerios on the tray in front of her.

As Sirius dropped into a seat at the kitchen table, Freya finally began to notice rather obvious details. His clothes were dirty and ragged; a sleeve was ripped and barely hanging on, the knees of his trousers were torn, and both the fabric and his skin were covered in dark mud. His dragon hide boots had survived unscathed but were more mud-caked than any of the rest of him. He looked absolutely exhausted, so Freya grabbed a bottle of firewhiskey from the fridge and poured him a shot, which he took gratefully. He threw it back as though it were water, then asked as he set the glass down, "Malfoy Manor? You're sure?"

Freya sighed, sitting down next to Annabelle. She reached over and brushed her fingers gently over her daughter's fine, ink black hair as Annabelle munched happily, albeit clumsily, on her cereal. "Yeah, that's what he said," Freya replied, smiling as she watched Annabelle.

"What is it?"

"Hmm?"

Freya glanced over at Sirius, confused. "The horcrux, love," Sirius said patiently. "What is it?"

Freya shrugged. "I've got no bloody idea; he didn't say. Or at least, if he said, I haven't remembered it yet. I don't think he said, though."

Sirius nodded. "Ok, great. What does he expect us to do about it? Get a warrant for the manor by some miracle and raid the place and just take everything? Sort through it back at the office until we figure out which piece of dark magic they're hiding is a horcrux?"

Freya laughed, feeling lighter than she had in months. She finally had confirmation that her mind wasn't slowly unraveling, and Sirius even believed her. "Somehow, I'd imagine he'd expect something a bit more subtle."

Sirius rolled his eyes, but he couldn't help but laugh with her. "It's impossible," Sirius declared, making them both laugh harder. "Regulus is a bloody idiot; it's bloody impossible."

Annabelle giggled, smacking her tray with her tiny hands, sending Cheerios flying. Freya shook her head as Sirius waved his wand, making the cereal vanish from the floor. Freya smiled at the pair, then shook her head. "It's no wonder I've been going so insane, falling into depression," she said softly. "Repeated Memory Charms can cause serious damage."

Sirius frowned. "Yet another reason my brother is a bloody idiot," he said coldly.

Freya sighed. "Well, it's no matter now. If he comes back, I'll just have to make sure he doesn't obliviate me again."

"If he comes back." Sirius chewed on the words thoughtfully. "Hey, Freya. Clearly, he's planning on coming back to you and Annabelle for good eventually. What happens then?" Freya tilted her head, scrunching up her face in concentration. "What happens to us if Regulus decides to show up for you two and says he's staying this time?"

Freya sighed. "I don't know, Sirius," she said quietly. "I love us, and I love the home we've made here for Annabelle, but he's her father. And I do still love him."

Sighing heavily, Sirius ran a hand through his hair as he said, "Yeah, that's about what I figured you'd say."

"Well, what did you really expect me to say, Sirius?" Freya said, old frustrations rising to the surface. "I'm still married to him, and he's Annabelle's father. I... I love you, but I don't think I can just walk away from him when he decides it's time to come back."

Sirius looked stunned. After a moment, he said quietly, "That's the first time you've ever said you loved me."

Face heating, Freya looked away, forcing herself to watch Annabelle play with her food. "I suppose it is," she mumbled.

"I liked hearing it," Sirius said, reaching across the table and taking Freya's hand. Freya smiled a little at that, and Sirius continued, "If he comes back, I don't want to lose you to him again. Not after all this. Not after the life we've built here together. I mean, for crying out loud, I've been the only father Annabelle's known her entire life."

"She doesn't know you're her father," Freya snapped, stepping back to keep Annabelle out of Regulus's reach. "She's never seen you before."

"She has, too," Regulus said angrily.

Freya pushed the sudden memory out of her head. "Believe me, I'm keenly aware of that fact," she mumbled as she stroked Annabelle's hair again with her free hand.

Sirius squeezed Freya's hand as he asked, "What do you want to do?"

Freya shook her head. "I don't know, Sirius. Please, just drop it. I have to think about it."

Sirius nodded sadly. "Yeah, sure, Freya," he muttered. After a moment of awkward silence, he stood and said, "I'm exhausted. Last couple weeks away have been hell. I'm going to go take a shower and go to bed."

Freya watched him turn away in the direction of the bedroom, then called softly, "Sirius, wait." He glanced back at her over his shoulder, arching an eyebrow, and she swallowed nervously. "I love you," she whispered nervously, her stomach fluttering in such a way that she wasn't sure if it was due to excitement or anxiety or both.

Sirius smiled, then walked around the kitchen table and high chair and kissed Freya's forehead. "I love you too," he whispered back. He turned and planted another kiss on Annabelle's head, making the tiny girl giggle. "Both of you," he added, then he headed off to take a shower.

Sirius shook Freya awake the next morning while it was still dark outside. She groaned, then muttered, "What could you possibly want that would warrant waking me up at four in the morning, Padfoot?"

Sirius snorted. "Good morning to you too, love." Freya giggled, rolling over to face Sirius and propping herself up with one arm. He was sitting up in bed, already fully dressed. "I sent Dumbledore an owl last night telling him we had key information, but I didn't detail what exactly in case it was intercepted. He sent us a patronus just now, asking us to come to his office at Hogwarts immediately."

Freya sighed. "Immediately?"

Sirius stole a quick kiss from her lips, then repeated, "Immediately. Hurry up and get dressed. I'll get Annabelle's go-bag; we'd better bring her with us. Moony is already out on another mission, and Wormtail's mother is sick again apparently, so they can't babysit. Peter's worried his mum might be running out of treatment options."

Freya frowned as she sat up the rest of the way, holding onto her bent knees for balance. "That's awful," she said sadly. "I wish we could help."

Sirius smiled at her. "Well, we can help Moony at least, by getting your arse out of bed and hurrying over to Dumbledore's office to tell him what Regulus told you." Freya smiled halfheartedly and nodded, and Sirius left the room, heading down the hall. She heard Annabelle's cries of protest at being woken up and laughed as she heard Sirius say, "Oh, shush now. You sound just like your mother." She grabbed one of Sirius's old Gryffindor Quidditch jumpers from the closet (naturally, he'd been a chaser like James; they were an unbeatable team) and threw it and a pair of skinny jeans on quickly. Casting a Patronus Charm, she gave the silver fox a message and sent it out the window into the night. Then there was a loud crash in the nursery, and Freya instantly rushed to the nursery, wand at the ready. "Don't worry, don't worry," Sirius called as she appeared in the doorway. "Should've turned on the lights. I knocked over the toy basket. Everything's fine."

Freya breathed a sigh of relief. She took Annabelle from Sirius when he offered her the baby, mumbling to Annabelle, "Isn't your daddy such a klutz?" Sirius froze, staring at them as he grinned from ear to ear. Freya rolled her eyes. "What?"

Sirius shook his head. "You just told Annabelle I was her daddy," he said cheerfully. "You've never done that before."

Freya froze, the significance of her slip of the tongue settling on her. After a moment, she forced a small laugh. "Yes, well, it's like we were saying last night; it's practically true, isn't it?" As Sirius threw Annabelle's diaper bag over his shoulder, Freya bounced Annabelle on her hip nervously. "We'd better get going. Hogwarts is a long flight on that motorbike of yours." Sirius nodded, his smile fading slightly as he noticed Freya's anxiety, then followed her out the door.

"Did Black say how many horcruxes Voldemort has created?" Dumbledore asked Sirius as he paced in front of the headmaster's desk.

Freya rolled her eyes. "Regulus doesn't know how many," she repeated. "Sirius hasn't had any contact with him; I have. Sirius only knows what I've told him."

Dumbledore nodded. "Of course, my dear, of course. And you say he still has the locket horcrux he stole from Voldemort?"

"Yes."

Nodding again, Dumbledore watched Freya curiously as she held a sleeping Annabelle in her arms. "Why is he contacting you?" he asked.

"I don't know, maybe because I'm his wife and he loves me?" Freya drawled, growing impatient. They'd been circling like this for an hour now, and it was getting them nowhere. "Do you have a plan to retrieve the horcrux from the Malfoys or not?"

"I can't form a plan until I know what the horcrux is, Mrs. Black," Dumbledore said quietly. "Has Regulus said what it was?"

"No," Freya said as anger ran through her veins like electricity. "I believe we already established that fact. Do you think I'm holding out on you?"

Dumbledore smiled slightly. "Not intentionally, of course," he replied easily. "It's easy to not realize what you know when you've had Memory Charms placed on you."

At that moment, James burst into the office, running straight over to Freya's seat. "Freya!" he exclaimed. "Are you ok?"

Freya nodded as Sirius asked, "Prongs? What are you doing here? How did you know we were here?"

Freya rolled her eyes. "While you were apparently sending Dumbledore a message about what I told you about Regulus, I sent one to James. I sent my patronus to James to have him join us here." Turning her attention to James, she asked, "Where are Lily and Harry?"

"McGonagall's office," James said quickly. "She wanted to pay her a visit while she had the chance."

"Back to the matter at hand," Sirius said tiredly, turning his attention back to Dumbledore. "How do you suggest we go about breaking this spell on her? It's not as though we can just finite a Memory Charm."

"No, we cannot," Dumbledore agreed.

Freya's eyes grew wide with realization. "Tell me, Dumbledore," Freya said coldly. "Are you suggesting we use torture or Legilimency to force the memories out of me, assuming the charm is weak enough that they can be accessed at all?"

Horror-stricken, James's voice cracked as he exclaimed, "What?! No, no, no. Absolutely bloody not. Freya remembers what she remembers, and that's all there is to it. We are not using any kind of dark magic to force information from my baby sister."

"Definitely not," Sirius agreed.

Dumbledore sighed. "I would never suggest such a thing," he said calmly. "But to not do so leaves us with very little information and few options."

"Well, then, we're stuck with little information and few options," James snapped. "You ready to go home, Freya?"

Freya stood, careful not to disturb Annabelle where she was nestled against her chest. "Yes, let's get out of here," Freya said angrily. She started toward the door, then she turned back to face Dumbledore. "Maybe Regulus was right not to trust you if you're so willing to do whatever it takes to get what you want."

Freya could swear there was a hint of a smirk on Dumbledore's face, but before she could confirm it, he replied, "Perhaps this situation says less about young Mr. Black's faith in me than it does about his faith in you."

James grabbed hold of Freya's elbow. "Come on; let's go," he muttered, leading Freya out of the office as Sirius followed behind, still carrying Annabelle's diaper bag.

As they reached the bottom of the stairs, Freya pulled James to a stop. "Wait," she said quietly. James glanced questioningly at her, and she said nervously, "I, umm, I think I should go stay with Remus for a little while."

Sirius's eyebrows practically disappeared into his hairline. "What?" he asked, voice tight.

Freya refused to meet his gaze, fearing the emotions she'd find there. "I'm sorry," she said softly.

"But… but I thought we were finally doing well," Sirius said quietly. "You finally said you loved me; you called me Annabelle's daddy."

"You did?" James asked, surprised.

Freya nodded as Sirius begged, "Freya, please, don't do this. Don't pull away from me now."

Freya shook her head. "This isn't about pulling away, Sirius," she mumbled, still refusing to meet his eyes, even as he reached to place a hand on her shoulder and she stepped out of his reach. His hand fell from the air as she continued, "I need space. I just found out that Regulus was still alive, and I just… I can't keep living with you and letting you be Annabelle's father when he's out there somewhere, alone and missing us."

"He treats you like garbage," Sirius growled.

That was when Freya's eyes snapped to his gray ones, both people feeling hurt. "You don't get to decide how he treats me," she snarled. "You don't get to decide who I love, and you don't get to decide how he treats me. He's my husband and Annie's father…"

"No, I've been her father," Sirius snapped. "I've been there when Regulus has been running away, ignoring you and Annie and his responsibilities."

"No, you're her uncle," Freya said, raising her voice too much so that Annabelle started to stir. "And Regulus is not shirking his responsibilities. He's doing his best to protect us and fighting harder than any of us to take down Voldemort. I hardly think that qualifies as running away."

"Oh really? What would you call it then?" Sirius said angrily.

"Heroism," Freya retorted smugly.

James touched Freya's elbow lightly as he spoke. "Freya, I'll take you wherever you want to go," he said quietly. "But let's go ahead and go before either of you says something you'll regret."

Sirius growled, "Some hero he is. Beating up his wife on a regular basis; raping her to please some psychopathic dark wizard. Oh yeah, he's a real hero all right."

"Shut up, Sirius," Freya said heatedly.

"You know that's true, don't you?" Sirius pressed. "Harry's not gonna grow up saying he wants to be like 'Uncle Regulus.' He's gonna grow up with his Uncle Padfoot being his favorite person in the world, just like Annie will."

"Shut up," Freya repeated, blinking back angry tears.

"And another thing," Sirius said, a cold smirk growing on his face. "Maybe you haven't noticed, but you just might be pregnant again."

As the color drained from Freya's face, James quietly warned, "Sirius, mate, don't."

"What? Don't you think she ought to know?" Sirius grinned. "What's wrong, Freya? Do you think I don't pay attention to little things about you like that?"

Freya shook her head. "You can't possibly know that," she whispered. "You've not even been home the past several weeks, you can't possibly…"

"I'm not thick, Freya, although apparently sometimes you can be," Sirius taunted. "You weren't on your period for, what, three weeks before I left for that Order mission? I was gone six weeks; I bet that you didn't get it while I was away. And don't forget the way you've been eating up those peanut butter and pickle sandwiches, or is that not a pregnancy craving?"

Turning bright red, James rubbed the back of his neck nervously. "I don't think I need to be hearing this," he said awkwardly. "Maybe I, umm, I might just go get Lily."

Freya said, "I'm coming with you, Jamie. Sirius, go to hell."

"How's your precious little Death Eater hero going to feel when he finds out his big brother got you pregnant?" Sirius goaded.

Freya straightened up, a smirk spreading on her own face. "I doubt I'll ever find out," Freya said coldly. "Since it just so happens that Regulus doesn't just sneak in to say hi when you're not home."

Sirius's face fell as his jaw dropped. "Are you saying…"

"He's been coming by to provide his husbandly services this entire time," Freya smirked. "If I really am pregnant, it's probably his."

Sirius stood dumbstruck for a moment, then brushed past her and disappeared around a corner. James asked quietly, "Freya, is that really true? You were sleeping with both of them?"

"I didn't know it," Freya said sadly. "I never would have… not on purpose. It was one of the things locked away under those Memory Charms, along with the fact that Regulus was even alive. I didn't even remember it until I said it, and now…"

James sighed. "Look, don't worry about it right now, ok?" James said quietly.

"Can you go get the diaper bag from him?" Freya pleaded. "Her lion's in it, and she loves that thing."

"Of course," James said. "Meet you in McGonagall's office?" Freya nodded, clutching Annabelle to her tightly as she watched James run after Sirius. She sighed; she honestly hadn't had any clue that there was even a chance she might be pregnant until Sirius had pointed it out. She couldn't deny the possibility, though, and as she walked slowly toward McGonagall's office, she couldn't help but wonder when, if ever, she would see Regulus again and be able to tell him.