Chapter 31

- DARYL -

Kate shoved her bowl of instant oatmeal into Daryl's hands and scrambled out the metal door to the yard. He braced himself for what he knew would come next and sure enough he could hear her retching. He was afraid if he could hear her then everyone else in the common room could too. He dared to raise his eyes from his bowl and saw by the concerned looks the group was giving him that he wasn't wrong.

"Ew. Is someone barfing?" Carl asked, much louder than necessary. Sometimes Daryl wanted to knock the stupid hat off that kid's head.

For a second no one said anything. They just looked from the door that Kate had escaped from and back to him.

Carol finally spoke, concern creasing her features. "Is Kate ok?"

Daryl nodded. He hoped that would be enough, that they would go back to eating their breakfasts, but he doubted it.

"You wanna go check on her?" This time it was Rick.

"I'll go." Maggie said, shooting Daryl a disapproving look as she passed him on the cement steps and headed towards the sound Kate was still making. He looked back down at his oatmeal. It had been two weeks since Kate had told him she was pregnant and they still hadn't told anyone but Dr. S and Maggie. But a few days ago she had gone from just feeling nauseous to throwing up a few times a day and that sort of thing didn't go unnoticed when you lived in such close quarters.

Daryl rose from the steps, stacking Kate's bowl on top of his and crossed the small room to toss them into the wash bucket. He could feel all their eyes on him. He turned without a word or a glance, stooped to snag his crossbow and walked out of the room. As he was heading out he came across Kate and Maggie as they were headed back in. Maggie had her arm wrapped comfortingly around Kate's shoulders.

"You ok?" Daryl asked, stopping in front of them. Kate's eyes were watery and she looked tired. She wrinkled her nose. "I've been better." She leaned into him and closed her eyes. Daryl wrapped his arm around her waist and awkwardly rubbed her back in a lame attempt at showing her he cared. He tried his best to ignore Maggie's glare. He didn't exactly know what he had done to earn her wrath, but he was sure he was messing the whole thing up and so he didn't spend too much time trying to figure it out.

"I'm gonna go huntin'. I'll see you before dark." He said, prepared to counter her if she protested. Maggie crossed her arms and rolled her eyes.

"Ok. Be safe." Kate said. He expected anger or sadness, but resignation was all he got. He didn't know which was worse. He guessed she was used to him leaving since for the last two weeks he'd found every excuse to escape the prison. He would join any group going on a run, he'd organize runs if there weren't any planned and if nothing else he would hunt. The only day he'd remained within the gates of the prison was the day the pig gave birth to her piglets. He wasn't running away, not exactly. He still loved Kate more than he'd ever loved anyone or anything. He wanted to be with her. He wanted to keep her safe. But being there was a constant reminder that she was pregnant and he needed to think about anything else. He kissed the top of her head, pulled away from her and headed out into the yard.

Kate

"What do you want to tell everyone?" Maggie asked after Daryl had passed them in the corridor. "You know everyone is worried about you."

"I don't even care anymore." She was tired and defeated and it showed. "I don't know what Daryl expects me to say and it isn't like he's been around a whole lot to have to deal with it. They've all probably figured it out anyway."

Daryl seemed to want to pretend she wasn't having a baby. She thought at first that he would come to her when he figured out why she was so angry with him, but after days she feared all her stubbornness had done was push him further away. She was too afraid and missed him too badly to keep it up and when he wasn't back from his run that night she had feared the worst. She sat in their cell wondering why she would ever let him leave the gates without making it right between the two of them and promised herself that if he made it back she would never let it happen again. This life was too short and the outside world too dangerous for that sort of anger. When he finally walked into their cell she had already convinced herself of the worst and was so thankful that she let it all go, apologizing profusely. He'd apologized to her too. Told her he was sorry for how he had snapped at her for telling Maggie. He explained he just needed time to get used to the idea. But now, two weeks later, she was wondering just how long that would be. Their life continued as it had before, as if she weren't pregnant. She'd wake in the morning and either find him eating breakfast in the common room or doing his chores out in the yard. Afterwards, while she was in the garden with Rick, Daryl would come find her and let her know where he'd be running off to that day. His more frequent runs the only outside sign to their group that anything had changed. She figured they just chalked that up to Daryl's rambling ways. If she ever mentioned the baby, which wasn't often, he would give her short answers, clearly uncomfortable with the mere mention of it. There were only two ways in which he'd even acknowledged she was expecting. He brought her, after several reminders, the prenatal vitamins she'd asked for and they no longer used protection when they had sex. Other than that, it was like it wasn't happening. Except it was, and now that she was puking her guts up all over the place it seemed ridiculous to pretend it wasn't.

She and Maggie came back into the common room and Hershel was immediately at her side, Beth close behind him.

"Kate," Hershel started, a fatherly firmness in his voice. "I think you ought to think about taking it easy today, maybe go talk to Dr. S."

Beth, concern on her face, shook her head in agreement.

Maggie gave Kate a beseeching look and Kate shrugged in surrender.

"Daddy, Kate is havin' a baby." Maggie said, barely above a whisper.

Love and maybe a hint of sadness were added to the concern on Hershel's face. He embraced Kate and asked, "Honey, is this a good thing?"

She looked at him with tears in her eyes, "I want it to be."

"Well then, congratulations." He said with a smile. "How does Daryl feel about the news?"

Kate shrugged again. "He's taking some time getting used to the idea, I guess."

"He'll come around. I promise." Hershel said knowingly and Kate wondered how he could be so sure.

She smiled weakly and Hershel hugged her again.

Later that afternoon she was working in the garden with Carl and Rick. It was getting late in the day and Kate kept an eye on the woods, expecting to see Daryl wandering out at any moment. Carl walked over to where she and Rick were digging.

"Dad, can I please head up early today? I told Patrick I'd play chess with him."

"Chess? Since when do you play chess?" Rick asked, narrowing his eyes suspiciously at his son.

"I don't know. He's trying to teach me." He shrugged.

Rick looked at Kate, encouraged by his son's new interest. She raised her eyebrows and smiled at him.

"Fine. Make sure you wash up first and check in on your sister."

Carl dropped his shovel into the dirt and turned to run up to the prison.

"Hey, Carl." Rick called after him. "I think you dropped something."

Carl groaned and turned around, grabbing the shovel and returning it to the shed beside the pig pen.

With Carl gone, Kate and Rick worked in silence, Kate looking up towards the woods every few minutes and trying to work up the courage to ask Rick the question she'd been dying to ask him since the moment she knew she was having a baby.

"Rick, when you first found out that Lori was pregnant with Judith, how did you feel about it?"

Rick stopped what he was doing and sat back on his boots. As she watched the dawn of realization spread across his face she couldn't help but laugh.

"Does this have something to do with how you've been feelin' lately?" He asked with a smile.

"Maybe."

He shook his head and she could see his mind working, connecting all the dots from the last couple weeks.

"Well, I'm not sure if Judith is the best example." He said, picking his spade back up and stabbing the dirt with it uselessly. "That situation was a little...," He paused searching for the best word. "Complicated."

He said it without a hint of bitterness, although Kate knew it couldn't be an easy thing for him to admit.

"But I'll tell you about when I first found out that Lori was pregnant with Carl."

"Ok." She agreed, happy to be able to get his perspective at all.

"Lori and I, we got married real young. I was just starting out at the Sheriff's Department and we didn't have much money. I was always stressed out and we fought a lot back then."

He laughed, finding the irony in his statement. "I guess that doesn't seem real surprising, but I promise there was a good stretch in our marriage where we were really happy."

Kate nodded. She knew they had loved each other.

"Anyway," He started again, looking up at the prison towards where Carl had just disappeared. "I come home one day and she tells me she's pregnant and she's already gone out and bought all these baby clothes. She's holding up these little outfits with Pooh Bear and Mickey Mouse on them and all I can think to say is, 'How much did all of these cost?'"

"That was the first thing you said to her after she told you she was pregnant?"

He shook his head.

"Yikes! Rick, that's terrible"

"Ya. Yikes." He laughed again. "Hey, I'm not proud of it. My point is, here Lori had just found out and she was already picturing this little person that was going to wear these miniature clothes. I couldn't picture that tiny person yet, all I could do was wonder how we were going to make it work. It's different for women than it is for men, and don't get me wrong, I'm not saying I should've reacted like that, but sometimes it takes a little time for us to get it through our tough skulls."

Kate shook her head appreciatively. "And look at you now, you're a great dad."

His face darkened a little. "Well I don't know about that. I try my best."

"You are Rick." She said, hoping that he believed her, she definitely meant it.

"So, is it safe to assume Daryl isn't thrilled about the news?"

She looked towards the woods again, knitted her eyebrows and took a deep breath. "He doesn't really talk about it at all. I know he's worried about me."

"Cause of Lori." Rick added.

She looked at Rick apologetically. He just nodded.

"I think sometimes we forget how far Daryl has come." Rick said. "Can you picture the Daryl back at camp, the Daryl who pulled a knife on me the first time we met, as a husband? A father?"

She smirked. On one hand, she could. That was, after all, the same man she loved now. But she also knew what Rick meant, because the girl she was back at camp wasn't someone she could picture being married to that guy that Shane had in a choke hold.

"I do forget sometimes." She agreed.

"On the day Carl was born you couldn't have found a happier man than I was. It'll be the same for Daryl, just you wait."

Daryl

Daryl returned from the hunt with two rabbits. Not as good as the deer he'd brought in two days ago, but it was better than squirrel. His personal crisis was certainly keeping the people of the prison well fed. He was skinning and cleaning them when Sasha wandered up to the table.

"That's disgusting." She said, looking down at the gutted rabbit.

"Don't hear you complainin' much when you're eatin'."

Sasha shrugged.

"How many days you think we need to leave that boom box at the Big Spot before we go back and check on it?" She asked, still eyeing the bloody carcasses with revulsion.

Daryl had moved onto the second rabbit and was pulling the skin down off its leg.

"How many days has it been? Three?"

"Two. Think we could get a group together? Head back over tomorrow?"

"Don't see why not."

"I'll see who I can get for the run."

Daryl grunted a response as she headed away. He finished up with the rabbits, dropped them off at the BBQ spit where it seemed meals were being prepared all day and headed to the showers.

That night he and Kate ate dinner out on the picnic benches. They weren't alone, there were always people around these days, but no one was paying them any attention. He was glad their community was growing, strength in numbers and all, not to mention that it just felt more normal, but sometimes he missed when it was just their group. The rest of these people, they were good, but he still wasn't at ease with them and it was strange to him how they acted. In someway it seemed they were intimidated by him, but not for the reasons people had been before. He didn't know how to act.

Kate interrupted his thoughts.

"I told Hershel and Beth. About the baby. Rick knows too." She said it quick and matter-of-fact, like pulling off a bandaid. It was almost like she was daring him to be angry, or maybe just assuming he would be. He looked at her, probably for the first time since they'd sat down to eat and he could see that there was some fear in her eyes and he felt like a dick.

He shrugged. "A'right."

"That's it? You aren't mad?"

"Figured once you started pukin' it was just a matter of time anyway."

"So it's fine with you if people know then?"

He nodded. He didn't love the idea, but it was kind of unavoidable. She changed the subject, knowing when she was ahead.

"Where you headed tomorrow?"

"Gonna take a group back out to the Big Spot I was tellin' you about. See if the walkers have cleared out. Should be able to get a lot there. Probably have to take a few trips."

"I want to go."

He narrowed his eyes at her.

"You definitely ain't goin'."

"Why not?" That defiance that drove him nuts in more ways than one lighting up her eyes.

"I wouldn't have wanted you to go before, but definitely not now. Not now that you have a …." He paused, almost like he couldn't get the word out and gestured at where her midsection was hidden under the table before he managed to spit out the word 'baby'. It was the first time he'd said it outloud and it felt weird in his mouth.

For the second time that day he prepared himself for the protest he was sure would come, but once again she surprised him. She just smiled.

"What are you smilin' for?" He asked, suspicious.

"I love you Daryl."

"You must."

The next morning Daryl was anxious to get on the road to The Big Spot. If all went as expected, they could have a big pay off and that always made for a good day. He had hoped they would be taking a bigger group out there, he wanted to get as much as they could before another group had the chance to come across the spot and pick it clean, but that morning Carol pointed out the build up of walkers at the fence. They needed as many people as possible working on taking the walkers down or they wouldn't be able to stay on top of the growing problem. He got the impression Carol thought they should postpone the whole trip, but Daryl wasn't going to risk losing their chance at the store.

In the end it was Sasha, Tyreese, Glenn, Zach and a guy they brought into the group last week named Bob. Daryl tried to convince Rick to join them at the last minute, but he made some excuse about checking snares. He knew Rick had lost his taste for the world outside of the prison, but he worried he'd get soft staying inside and farming all his days. He couldn't force the guy though and Michonne, who had just arrived back from her latest search for the Governor, quickly volunteered to go. Daryl was relieved to have her along, there was a lot of inexperience in this group and she was a welcomed asset.

For the last couple weeks every time he left the prison he could feel a weight come off his shoulders. It was easier to pretend out here that nothing had changed. Maybe it was because he had to concentrate on his surroundings, maybe it was because when the woods swallowed him up if felt like it had his whole life. But today, as they sped away from the prison gates he waited for the relief to come and it never did. Instead he suddenly felt like he belonged at home with Kate.

Kate

Kate climbed the steps to the top of C block as quick as she could. She'd been in Cell Block E, standing in the doorway of Chloe's cell and chatting about something inconsequential when David and Gabe came in. As they approached she could tell something was wrong and the air left her lungs.

"The group just got back." David said. "They lost someone, that kid Zach. Sounded like it was bad."

When she had heard Zach's name, she found her breath knowing Daryl had returned. She was ashamed to admit that there was relief mixed in with the horror she felt. Then she thought of Beth and her heart hurt even more. She bolted out of E and headed towards C, trying to decide whether to find Beth or Daryl first. At twilight, Cell Block C was almost dark except for an almost eerie blue light that was just enough to allow her to find her way without the aid of a flashlight. As she headed towards Beth's cell on the ground floor she could hear Maggie's voice soothing her sister and she decided to look for Daryl instead.

Kate found him in their cell, sitting on the edge of their bed as the darkness descended, his elbows resting on his knees, his head in his hands. She didn't need to see him like that to know that Daryl would be taking Zach's death hard. A loss in the group affected everyone and when other people were crying or teetering on giving up, Daryl was always the one stepping up. He was the one that kept looking for Sophia, he was the one that immediately went looking for formula for Judith. Before he was her's, she had no way of knowing how difficult it was for him, it was something he kept hidden from them all. It wasn't until after Merle, after he'd allowed her to see him vulnerable, that she saw how the losses really hit him.

Daryl didn't know Zach well, although he must have liked him since he put up with his annoying questions, but she knew he would feel responsible, he always did in some way. She walked into the cell and towards him. Without raising his head Daryl mumbled, "D'ja hear 'bout Zach?"

"Ya." She said with a sigh as she sat next to him on their bed. She rested her hand at the top of his back, just above the wings on his vest, before running her fingers up the nape of his neck and into his shaggy hair. She pulled gently at the greasy strands before rubbing at the muscles in his neck. He let out an appreciative groan. He sat up and leaned back towards her, she placed her hands on either side of his face, pinning his hair to his ears, and kissed his mouth. Not a passionate kiss, but a kiss that was meant to remind him that they were both still here. She wrapped her arms about his shoulders and he pulled her tightly to him, burying his face deeply into her neck.

"It was bad, we are lucky any of us got out." He said into her skin before pulling away and resting his elbows on his knees again. Kate slid off the bed and kneeled in front of him, working on untying his boots as she listened to him relive the horrors of the day.

"The spot was ready, just like we'd hoped the walkers had all cleared out. There were a couple in the store that we had to take care of, but that wasn't a problem. We cleared the store, all seven of us were working our way through, fillin' baskets full of shit. I hear this crash and I go runnin' over and this shelf of booze or wine or somethin' has come down on Bob. He's stuck, but he ain't cut or nothin'. Tyreese and Zach come over and we are tryin' to lift it off him, but before we can a walker comes fallin' through the ceiling. 'Cept he don't fall all the way, he's just hangin' there by his guts, swingin' around. And we're all just starin' at it, just frozen. The rest of them run over and I remember Glenn sayin' we needed to get out of there. But Bob was still stuck and before we can do nothin' about it walkers are just droppin' through the ceiling and landin' all around us. Total chaos. I'm hearin' screams, gun shots, walkers keep fallin'. I have no idea if anyone has been bit, if anyone is dead, where everyone is in the store. I'm tryin' to kill them, we all are. I don't get a chance to reload, I'm smashin' them with the bow left and right."

At that Kate turned her head to look at his weapon propped up in its corner of their cell and saw he hadn't bothered to clean it off yet. She finished with his boots and returned to the bed, working his vest off his taut shoulders.

"I pull my gun, I got several on me, there is this display of beer cases in the middle of an aisle and I'm on top of it, tryin' to get some space between me and the walkers. See if I can fight them off. I look up, don't know why, don't know if I heard somethin' or was makin' sure a walker wasn't gonna fall on me and there's a fuckin' helicopter just ready to come crashin' through the roof. Glenn runs over, handles the walkers around me. Bob is screamin' his head off and I look over and he's got his hand pushin' as hard as he can against this walker's face as it's tryin' to get at him. Zach runs over and shoots the fucker in the head and lifts the shelf off Bob who scrambles out. Saved his life. We all start to run, but Zach gets grabbed and goes down screamin' and the thing works it's way to his face."

Despite the tears in her eyes, Kate continued to work at his buttons, peeling off the layers he'd dressed in until there was just one shirt left. Daryl took a deep breath.

"Were you able to bring him back?" Kate asked, afraid of the answer.

Daryl shook his head, his face barely discernible in the remains of the light.

"Helicopter came crashin' down. We ran."

Kate stood up, trying not to picture Zach as a walker, and gathered his clothes, hanging them on a row of hooks below the shelves. She made her way back to the bed. Daryl was lying on his back, forearm across his forehead and staring towards the ceiling. She climbed over him and nestled into his side. He took her hand in his, tangling their fingers together and laid it on his chest. She could feel his heart beating through the thin cotton of his shirt.

"I think I'm gonna stick closer to home for awhile. I don't need to keep goin' out so much." He planted a kiss on the top of her head and she kissed his chest. She wanted to tell him how grateful that made her feel, but it didn't seem like the right thing to do, she knew it wasn't about her.

C Block grew quiet. Hershel and Rick's hushed conversation faded away and she heard the gate to the outside roll open and slam shut again and knew Maggie and Glenn were probably on their way out to the guard tower for their watch. Daryl's body relaxed and the deep, consistent breath of sleep quickly followed. She raised their hands, still entwined, to her lips and kissed his fingers. She laid awake for a while, relishing the feeling of warmth and safety even more on a day that ended in so much sorrow.

She had no way of knowing that it was the last night they would spend together in the cell that had become their home.