There was an empty grave in Greenville, Illonis.

Everyone had known it was empty when they buried it. All that had been left of the child was ash. When they bought the grave for her mother, it had felt wrong to not give the child a grave too.

Engraved in stone was Millicent Rachel Winchester, May 2 1983 - Nov 2 1983

She had only been six months old.

Nobody had thought to ask if the child had gone missing.

It was too horrific- too impossible.

Not even her father had thought it- not even when he knew that something darker had been behind the death of his wife.

==GMB==

She stood in front of an empty grave.

She saw her stolen body's name on the grave. She saw a history she hadn't lived. She thought about her rare visions of Millie's life.

What kind of fucked up author wrote her with a vampire story? That's not fair.

She knew it was more serious than that. She just...she couldn't believe it. She couldn't believe it. How unfair it was, not just to her but to Millie too. None of it was fair. None of it was kind. Even the one good thing she had was taken from her.

She hated this whole thing. She hadn't come here wanting to be their sister- that hadn't been her idea. She wanted to be a 'family don't end in blood'. She wanted to be Raven Quinzel, a loner whose past didn't matter.

Can't she ever get the normal backstories?

Sam stood at her side. He finished burying his dad's dog tags on their mother's grave. He followed her sight to her own grave.

"You okay?" Sam asked. He couldn't imagine what she must be feeling. He had never looked at his own grave. And she hadn't even been dead. A while sister his dad had lied about, had never told him and Dean about. He had talked about mom, but the memory always choked him up.

Had he only mentioned mom? Or had the boys just assumed?

Cause even to Sam and Dean Winchester, the idea of her being gone was just too terrible?

"I hate it." She answered him.

==GMB==

A man died in her name.

He was going to die anyway. She shouldn't feel this guilt. He was supposed to have died for Dean.

But John chose her.

That wasn't fair.

She never liked it when people died in her name.

She wanted him dead.

But not like this.

Now she was carrying the weight of a dead man.

She never did well in those circumstances.

==GMB==

They were chasing an actual zombie. Raven would've called it a 'real live one', but Angela wasn't exactly 'live'.

She had a dad. A dad that was heartbroken for her loss.

"Family's everything, you know? Angie was the most important thing in my life. And now I, I'm just lost without her."

Raven heard that line in her first watch of the episode. She felt for the man, understanding the loss of a daughter. She had one of her own. If Raven had lost her, she didn't know what she'd do.

But now she was the daughter thought lost.

Her heart couldn't take it. This is exactly why she worked so hard not to pay attention to it.

Sam kept asking Dean why he was trying so hard for this to be a case. He never wondered why Raven was agreeing so easily with Dean.

Raven ignored why Dean was so desperate for this case. She ignored a lot of things lately.

Things she ignored tended to end up exploding.

==GMB==

They found the living undead Angela at her friend's house.

It was easy work to drag her friend- the one that revived Angela in the first place- to the graveyard.

They nailed her into her coffin.

Raven pointedly avoided looking at the other empty grave nearby.

Both of the boys noticed.

==GMB==

The Impala pulled off to the side of the road.

Raven wasn't surprised.

What did surprise her was when Dean turned in his seat to glare at her. "Get out of the car."

Raven- who liked not being dead- obeyed. Because when Dean Winchester has to pull over the Impala to order you, you fucking do what he says.

She walked out, standing awkwardly in front of the car. The boys came out in tandem. She kept her hands in jean pockets to keep from fidgeting with them.

"I'm not gonna like this, am I?" Raven asked the stern faced Dean and the concerned faced Sam.

"No." Dean replied. "Now start talking."

"You know, I really liked the weather from the past few days. Such lovely breezes-"

"You know what I mean." Dean warned her.

Raven chewed on her cheek.

Dean kept a narrow gaze on her. "You've been quiet. You are never quiet. So start talking."

Raven was a pro at hiding what she felt. She could ignore it if need be, and there was a definite need to hide her real feelings.

"Raven." Sam asked. "What is it?"

Chuck dammit.

Raven couldn't say no to Sam Fucking Winchester. Because...because he was the twin brother of the girl that belonged in that empty grave. She couldn't make herself hide this from him. She'd made it her nature to bare her soul to her twin. "I'm sorry."

"You- for what?" Sam asked.

Raven ignored the tears that wanted to come out. She pushed them down- pushed them way down. Just because she was baring her soul to her twin didn't mean she would start crying. She hadn't fallen that far. "The way I've been acting." Dean sat down on the hood on the Impala. Sam moved to sit with him. Raven stood, the odd girl out. "And for John. He was your dad too."

Get back in there, tear!

Good.

"I know you blame me for it. You should. It's my fault he's gone." Raven stated, trying so hard to speak plainly.

"What are you talking about?" Sam asked, confused.

"You seriously think that?" Dean asked, .

"I know you've been thinking it- so have I. Doesn't take a genius to figure it out." Raven replied. "Back at the hospital, I made a full recovery. You both were saying I was a ghost chased by a Reaper. It was a miracle. And five minutes later John is dead and the Colt's gone."

Sam had his big puppy dog eyes on his sister. They were rapidly filled with grief and helplessness. "Raven."

"It wasn't you." Dean argued, shaking his head.

"Don't lie to me. I know it was. I know all of it was." Raven snapped at them. She knew what she knew. She knew what John had done. She knew Dean had made an early recovery, and that she was the one about to die.

She had been prepared to help Dean in that grief.

She wasn't ready to help herself.

"John must've done something with that demon because he's gone and so's the Colt and who's left behind? Whole and healthy? Me." Raven explained.

"We don't know that. Not for sure." Sam denied.

"Yes we do. And I'm the one that keeps seeing it." Raven snarled. She couldn't help it. She was a liar but not about this. She knew what she knew. She knew the truth. "You boys...you're like brothers now. You have been for a long time. And I killed your dad. It was the thing I kept trying to do- over and over again. Even when I found out he was...that we were...and now that's it done I...how am I supposed to feel? I hate him. I hate him so much...I know he was your dad. That I should care about him and not speak ill of the dead, but...I don't know what else to do!"

Raven turned her back to them. She wasn't able to face them now. The air had been cleared. She had said her peace...she'd killed their dad.

She didn't feel bad about John dying.

She felt bad that John had died for her.

Chuck just the thought made her sick.

Enough people had done that.

She was sick and tired of her family dying so she could live.

"There. Is that what you were looking for?" Raven asked, getting her own emotions to heel.

She heard nothing from the boys. They weren't saying anything.

==GMB==

AN: Well...self isolation is fucking me up. How's everybody else? We good? You good? Please leave a comment! I have literally so much to do for finals week but I also feel like I have nothing to do because wth even is time anymore

I'm saying that like I had any concept of time in the first place.