The Things We Do For Science Chapter 8: The Vending Machines, a Portal + Don't Starve Crossover fanfic

Chapter 8, everyone! In which we wonder how exactly Chell manages to function in the Portal games….And we reference Jurassic Park III, as well. :)

Wilson's expression told her that he liked her reaction.

"Ta-da," he announced, gesturing to the small line of vending machines. "Not much, but it'll tide us over until we find a way out of here."

She had heard that one before—

He was still in denial about being left in the facility by themselves with only a homicidal maniac for company.

The voice was still calling for them, in the pleading part of the pleading-wheedling-threatening cycle, but it was faint now. She had the mental impression of some guy in a nice suit pacing up and down one of the testing tracks, calling irritably for them.

Right now, they were in front of a vending machine, one of the glass-fronted ones, and Wilson was fishing in his pockets.

"Do you have any loose change?" he asked. How idiotic. "I think I might have a twenty, but—"

She shoved him aside and kicked the front of the vending machine as hard as she could. The glass shattered.

He was spluttering as she used the portal gun to knock away the rest of the glass before selecting the goodies she wanted. "You're going to have to pay for that!" he finally managed.

"Yay for me," she announced, pulling a bag of chips open. "I'll pay up just as soon as that 'complaint about our inhumane treatment' goes through."

His expression told her that he didn't enjoy having his words thrown back at him, but he finally relented and grabbed a bag of chips for himself.

She put her long-fall boot through the glass and knocked the rest of the glass out with the portal gun.

"You're going to have to pay for that," he said, a trace of wry amusement in his voice.

"Yay for me," she recalled, poking at a few of the packages. "Do you think that complaint about the inhumane treatment's made it through yet?"

"Hurr hurr. Here," he said, pulling at one of the bags. "Look for ones that still have the seal undamaged. Those might still be good."

She did so as he pulled out a small screwdriver he had salvaged and set to opening the drinks vending machine. "Hey," she called, prompting him to look up. "Do you want to see if Twinkies really do last forever?" She held up a packet of the yellow cakes.

"Fascinating," he noised, finally cracking the vending machine open. "I don't trust the sodas or the fruit drinks, but the water should still be all right," he mused, pulling a few bottles out. "Don't gorge yourself, by the way."

She had already had a packet open and half a Twinkie in her mouth when he said it. "Mpfh?" she noised.

He sighed upon seeing her face. "You haven't eaten in a while—your body is in starvation mode. If you eat too much now, you'll make yourself sick. Besides, we want to save some of this for later."

She swallowed her mouthful of Twinkie, hardly mindful of its taste. Just like him, with his serious scientific air and continual thinking ahead. But yeah, she had to admit, she probably would have stuffed herself silly if he wasn't there. And she probably would have been sick later.

They quietly ate and drank for a few moments, her laughing at the tiny bits of chip he was eating one at a time and him scolding her for taking such big bites.

"What was with that guy announcing on the testing tracks?" she asked finally. "That wasn't…him…so who was it?"

"Just an announcer KVAS used a lot," he explained. "They had him do recorded announcements so in the slight case both test track supervisors were busy, they could switch over to him."

"He sounded awfully chipper about the prospect of there being no laws of physics in the future."

"Well, think about it—you're sitting warm and snug in a recording studio, getting paid handsomely by the line, and then in the midst of a cluster of information that will probably never be used, you come across that? I'd have laughed too, probably."

"No you wouldn't have."

"You have that much faith in my ability to remain professional?"

"You don't laugh."

He seemed hurt by that. "Well, you have to realize that we haven't exactly been in a position to laugh at much…."

"Whatever," she muttered, trying to stifle a yawn.

"Come on," he said, offering her a hand up. "If there's vending machines, then there's break rooms, and maybe a couch intact to sleep on. You go first."

"You really think there's anything down here?" she asked, leaning on him as they walked down the hall to an ajar door.

"No—but I don't trust you not to try to eat some more while I'm asleep."

"Oh that's rich."

"Yup, break room," he announced, glancing in. "And look—facilities."

"Huh?"

He had turned red at that. "Ah…the chemicals used on the testing tracks slowed a lot of bodily functions down, including…."

She stared at him for a moment before uttering a small oath. "I didn't have to do anything until you said something—I've got to go."

And she bolted for the other room.