Disclaimer: I don't own Harry Potter.
Cross my Heart and Hope You're Always There
The things that we love tell us what we are.-Thomas Aquinas
Harry and Tonks appeared just outside of Grimmauld Place, their hands entwined. They had left Harry's things at the Leaky Cauldron, both believing that he would go straight back there after meeting with the Order.
"It's amazing what your mum can do Harry," Tonks said. "I don't know of anyone else who could undo Dumbledore's Fidelus Charm and put up another one in its place."
"It'd be even more impressive if I could see it," the teen responded, frowning slightly as she released her grip on his hand.
"Oh right, Lily gave me this to give to you." Tonks rummaged around in her pockets and pulled out a folded and wrinkled piece of parchment. She handed it to Harry and a few seconds later he could see the old house just as clearly as she could. He still hated the place, it reminded him too much of Sirius, but the Order continued to use it as their headquarters since it was very well protected and no one lived there. Every time Harry had to come to Grimmauld Place, he stayed no longer than necessary and made up any excuse to leave as soon as possible.
"I hate this place Dora," he told her in a melancholy voice. The young woman beside him kissed his cheek and wound her arm through his.
"So do I love. Let's just get through this and then we can leave, I promise." Harry nodded and the two of them walked into the old house, Tonks pulling her arm away from him as they did. They had barely walked in when a crying red missile threw itself at Harry. He put his arms around the feminine figure, only realizing that it was his younger sister by the perfume she always wore. The teen looked at Tonks for help, only to find her silently laughing at the look on his face, and settled for just awkwardly holding the sobbing girl. After what seemed like an eternity, though was really only a few minutes, Rose pulled away and slapped him. The contact made a sound almost like a gunshot and left a burning red mark on his right cheek.
"What the fuck was that for?" Harry demanded, a look of stormy anger in his green eyes.
"What the fuck do you think it was for?" Rose responded. "You just fucking left without saying anything to any of us. Did it never occur to you that we'd be worried?" Though her face was stained with tear tracks, the teen was no longer crying and now had a fury in her eyes that matched her brother's.
"I did that to protect everyone Rose! You should know that better than anyone!"
"Well it was still one of the smartest things you've ever done! That way we could all read about how the Boy-Who-Lived became the Boy-Who-Died!" Tonks grimaced and sucked in a breath when she heard the insult. It was the only thing that Harry considered to be a real insult, not to him but to the memory of everyone who had given up their own life so that he would live. She watched him closely for any sign of aggression and she was rewarded when his right hand twitched as though he was going for his wand in the holster at his belt. With the practiced skills of an Auror, Tonks' wand was in her hand and a Shield was erected between the two enraged siblings before either could comprehend what happened.
"Play nice kids," she told them, trying to lighten the mood a bit. "Rosie, why don't you go let everyone know that Harry's back and we need to have a meeting?" The younger girl glared at her brother for a few more seconds before answering.
"Sure. Since you're my future sister-in-law could you try to talk some sense into him Tonks?" Rose walked away, leaving a furiously blushing Tonks behind her. Harry only had eyes for the back of his sister's head and apparently didn't pay any attention to her statement, much to the young Metamorphmagus' relief. Deciding that the redhead did have a point, Tonks decided to say something.
"She's right you know."
"What?!" Harry's response was sharp and eloquent but it was all he needed to say.
"She's right," Tonks repeated. "What would you do if she was the one who just left without a word?"
"I'd do everything I could to find her. And then I'd kill her."
"See, that's how she feels too. I know your heart was in the right place Harry but you could've done things better. Maybe if you didn't just leave like that, if you at least talked to us, it would've been better." Before Harry could answer, they heard another voice.
"Harry Potter!" They looked up to see Hermione Granger standing a few feet in front of them. She slowly walked towards them, almost akin to a predator stalking its prey, and slapped her best friend across the face on the same cheek his younger sister had hit just moments before. He barely had time to register the stinging pain before finding himself engulfed in one of her bone-crushing embraces. "What the hell were you thinking Harry?"
"I was trying to protect everyone."
"By making us worry?"
Tonks listened as the two began arguing, hoping that it wouldn't turn into a full-blown row like she and Harry had a year ago.
It had been a month since Sirius died. Between him making Harry the head of the Black family in his will and Serene, his widow's, permission, the Order still used Grimmauld Place as their headquarters. Tonks had been trying her best to avoid Harry since it happened, believing that he blamed her for Sirius' death (she did), but she was sure that her luck had run out. Dumbledore had asked Harry to be at the Order meeting that night and, now that it was over, the teen was sitting in one of the chairs waiting for his parents to finish up so he could go back home. Tonks wanted desperately to be anywhere but there at the moment but she had to discuss something with Remus and couldn't leave yet. She glanced at Harry, noticing the small smile he gave her, but turned away without returning the expression. Out of the corner of her eye, she watched the smile turn into an ugly frown and the young man in question get up and walk over to her.
"If you've got a fucking problem with me then say something. Don't just fucking ignore me like a bitch." Harry didn't yell but his voice could be heard throughout the entire room and everyone watched as the teen turned on his heel and walked out the door. Tonks stood staring at the spot where he had been in shock, never believing that Harry would say something like that to her, until Lily's voice brought her back to her senses.
"Harry James Potter, get back here this instant and apologize!" When they heard a door slam, the woman made to follow her son only for Tonks to stop her.
"I'll go talk to him Lily."
"But..." The Potter matriarch was clearly hesitant to let Tonks go after him, whether for the young Auror's safety or her son's safety no one was quite sure, but James stepped in.
"Let her go sweetheart." Lily bit her bottom lip, still looking hesitant, but nodded her consent nonetheless. Tonks darted from the room and began looking for Harry, finally finding him in Sirius' old room of all places. She turned the knob, surprisingly finding it unlocked, and pushed the door open. Harry was sitting on the edge of the bed with his head in his hands. Tonks' heart would have gone out to him if she wasn't so angry with him and the next words he spoke to her didn't help anything.
"Go the fuck away Tonks. I don't want to fucking talk to you."
"Well I want to talk to you Potter and I'm not going anywhere until we settle this. What the fuck is your problem with me?"
"I SAID LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE!" Harry bellowed.
Everyone was listening on tether hooks down in the drawing room.
"Where are they Mad-Eye?" Lily asked, anxiously wringing her hands together.
"In Sirius' old room. Hmm, looks like he just went for his wand and she beat him to the punch."
"Should we go up there?" Molly Weasley asked nervously. "If they're pulling wands on each other-"
"No they both need this," Remus interrupted. "They need to let out their grief and anger."
"Besides Harry and Tonks are close," James added. "I don't think they'll actually do anything to each other."
"And what if they do?" Lily asked in a quiet voice.
"Then we'll have to hope there's enough left to send to St. Mungo's." No one was sure if James was joking or not but they all knew that he was right either way.
Back upstairs Harry was still sitting on the bed with Tonks' wand pointed at him. He was looking at her with a look of such anger that the young Auror wouldn't have been surprised if she burst into flame and she had to suppress a shudder.
"Are you going to leave your wand where it is and talk to me or do I have to hex you?" Harry looked like he still wanted to pull his wand out but he opened his mouth to speak instead.
"Fine, you want to know what my problem is with you Nymphadora?" Tonks scowled at his use of that name but let it go unchallenged. "Ever since...what happened at the Department of Mysteries, everyone acts like they see me differently. Even Mum and Dad act like I'm a piece of fine china that's going to break at any minute. You're the only one who doesn't look at me different. You don't look at me at all! I know you blame me for what happened to Sirius but you don't even give me a chance to make things right between us!"
"How do you know that the reason I've been avoiding you isn't because I thought you blamed me for what happened to Sirius?"
"Because that's stupid!" Harry nearly yelled as he jumped to his feet. He actually grabbed his hair in his fists in frustration, causing it to stick out at odd angles and giving him a deranged appearance. "If I hadn't tried to be a bloody fucking hero and save everyone then none of us would've been there in the first place! I'm the reason that you and Hermione were hurt! I'm the reason that Ron had to stay in the Hospital Wing for a week! I'm the reason Sirius died!"
He pulled his wand out as the last words left his mouth and Tonks instinctively knew that he wasn't planning to use it on her. She rushed forward and embraced him before he did something stupid, finally realizing how he felt for the past month. Her anger was still there, there was no denying that, but now wasn't the time to deal with it. They could talk about that issue later, after everything else had been settled, but for now she needed to rectify her own mistake.
"I know it hurts but it's not your fault Harry, I promise. You went to the Department of Mysteries because you thought that Voldemort was going to kill all of us right?" She felt Harry nod against her, noticing for the first time that he was at least four inches taller than her now. "You went there to save us and we in turn came to save you. It works both ways. None of us knew what would happen to Sirius and in the end neither of us are to blame. We're not the ones who pushed him through the Veil. C'mon let's sit back down." She led him back over to the bed and gently pulled him down with her.
"I'm sorry about what I said down there," Harry told her after a few moments of silence. "I just..."
"I understand Harry. I'm not going to say that it's alright and I'm still not happy about it but I do forgive you. I want to talk about it later though." Harry nodded and they fell back into a comfortable silence. Tonks looked at Harry's wand again and noticed something different about its appearance, though she couldn't quite put her finger on what it was. After what seemed like an eternity she finally realized that the wood was darker than it used to be. There was only one reason she knew of for someone's wand to grow darker.
"Harry, did you kill someone last month?" The teen looked down at the floor, suddenly finding his shoes very interesting, and hesitantly nodded.
"I think we're getting ready to start the meeting so you might want to keep him from doing something else stupid Tonks." The Metamorphmagus heard Hermione's voice as though from a great distance and forced herself back to reality with a nod of her head. She and Harry followed the brunette down the hall, Tonks' left arm winding around Harry's right again. She pulled his wand out of its holster, the only person with standing permission to do so, and examined it. Just like a year ago, it was darker than when she last noticed it.
"Who was it this time?" She didn't have to clarify the question for Harry to know what she meant.
"The only Death Eater who died that night."
"I thought he was killed by one of Thorfinn's stray curses."
"Convenient that. I was actually aiming at Dolohov for killing Ron but I missed obviously."
"If you want revenge on everyone who kills someone important to you then you're going to have a long list by the time this war's over I'm afraid."
"It's just Voldemort and Dolohov right now Dora. I'm leaving Bellatrix for you. I think you have more of a claim on her than I do." Tonks smiled a sad smile at him and removed her arm as they walked into the room where everyone else was waiting.
The "meeting" the Order had was closer to a systematic breakdown of all the reasons Harry was stupid for doing what he did. His parents yelled at him for over half an hour (Tonks thought they really could have done that in private). Following that were shorter lectures by Remus, Serene Black, Professor McGonagall, and finally by Molly Weasley, of all people. Harry's face became harder and stonier as time went on and Tonks was glad his wand was safe in her hands. After all the lectures and insults, accidental or otherwise, Mad-Eye ordered Harry to return home to his parents and sister and started to go on with the actual meeting until Harry interrupted him.
"No." The one simple word wasn't said overly loud but it was forceful and conveyed all of Harry's conviction and captured the attention of everyone in the room. That was one of the many reasons that Tonks loved Harry. Even if he didn't care for and wasn't even aware of it, the young man had taken up the mantle of a leader a long time ago and perfectly fell into the role. "I'm not going to go back there and place my family in even more danger like that."
"So you're going to make yourself an even easier target for You-Know-Who?" Mrs. Weasley asked. Harry's green eyes turned to her with such an icy look that the older woman actually shrank back a bit.
"You think I can't take care of myself?" Harry demanded. "I promise you I can. I've faced Voldemort several times before and, while I won't pretend it was easy, I did manage to walk away every time. And let's not forget that the last time I fought him I only knew half of what I know now. I've held my own and more against numerous Death Eaters. Hell, I've killed before and I'm not afraid to do it again." The room went silent at Harry's admission and several people looked around uncomfortably. Finally Kingsley gave voice to the question they were thinking.
"You've killed before Harry? When?"
"I used the Killing Curse on Nott at the Department of Mysteries," the teen responded in a quiet voice. "He wasn't the first one though."
Harry was still held in place on the tombstone, watching as Voldemort addressed his loyal followers. He paid little attention to what the newly resurrected Dark Lord was saying. He was focused solely on the body of the young man a few feet away from him. Though Harry hadn't known Cedric for very long, he liked the boy and did consider him to be a friend. Even if he wasn't a friend, no one deserved to die like that just because they were in the way. With a pang Harry was suddenly reminded that his grandmother was killed for the same reason. It wasn't until Voldemort went over to Cedric's body that Harry gave the Dark Lord his full attention.
"Such a handsome boy," Voldemort said mockingly as he turned Cedric's face over with his foot.
"Don't you touch him!" Harry snarled, anger beginning to replace his fear. His outburst caused Voldemort to look up at him in shock, almost as though he forgot about the teen being there.
"Ah, yes, Harry Potter. Thank you for helping me return to my body." He quickly darted up to Harry's side. "Now I can touch you!" Despite his anger, Harry let out a scream of agony as Voldemort placed a bony finger on his forehead. The Dark Lord waved his wand, letting Harry fall to the ground, and used the Cruciatus Curse to continue torturing the boy who brought about his first downfall. He only held the curse for a few seconds before letting Harry get back to his feet.
"And now we'll have the Boy-Who-Lived face off against the Heir of Salazar Slytherin. You've been taught how to duel I presume? First we bow to each other." Voldemort slightly lowered himself but Harry remained standing, not giving the Dark Lord the satisfaction of following his command. "Come now Harry, the niceties must be observed, Dumbledore wouldn't want you to forget your manners. I said BOW!"
Voldemort pointed his wand at Harry who bent at the waist as though an invisible hand was pushing on his back. He had barely stood back up when a spell was sent his way and only the unerring reflexes of a Seeker saved him. The teen ran as fast as he could and was just able to make behind the safety of one of the tombstones. He both heard and felt it crack under Voldemort's spell.
"Look at me Harry Potter!" the Dark Lord commanded. "I want to see the light leave your eyes when you join your stupid friend in death!" The insult to Cedric replaced all the fear Harry had begun to feel again not only with rage but with the desire to kill. He stepped out from behind the marble slab with a look on his face that caused some of the Death Eaters to falter. Even Voldemort himself was eying the youth with curiosity.
"I think you'll find it harder than you originally thought. AVADA KEDAVRA!" Voldemort started to scoff before seeing the green spell leave Harry's wand and was forced to quickly Disapparate and Apparate back into place to avoid it. The Death Eater behind him, McNair possibly though Harry wasn't sure and didn't really care, wasn't as fortunate and fell to the ground dead when the spell hit him. A snarl was now on Voldemort's face and he sent his own Killing Curse to Harry as the teen immediately sent another one.
The two green spells met in the middle and a gold line formed between the two wands. Everyone looked on in shock as more lines formed around the two, enclosing them. The Death Eaters began to rush forward to help their master.
"Stay back!" Voldemort yelled, seemingly as perplexed as everyone else. He watched on in shock as golden beads appeared on the line. Something in the back of Harry's mind told him not to let the beads go into his wand and, with all of his concentration, he was able to force them into Voldemort's wand. As the beads disappeared into the white piece of wood that was the Dark Lord's wand, an image of Cedric came out followed by a Muggle man Harry didn't know and his grandparents.
"You've got to escape Harry," his grandfather told him. "We'll help you but we can only linger for a moment." Harry nodded and turned to Cedric, giving him a look of sorrow.
"I don't regret it Harry," the older boy told him. "All I ask is that you take my body back to my parents." Harry nodded again and, with a great effort, managed to tear his wand away from Voldemort's. He took off running towards Cedric's body and the Portkey even as he heard the Dark Lord yell for his followers to stop him. He put a hand on his fallen friend, Summoned the Cup, and disappeared just before a spell hit the spot he had been kneeling in.
Tonks looked at Harry with a horrified look on her face that mirrored almost everyone else's. Few people had ever heard what had happened at the graveyard and now that she did, the pink-haired Auror physically hurt for the man she loved. She had known that what little bit of a childhood Harry had was taken from him that night but she never realized how fast the event had caused him to grow up. Harry Potter had gone to the graveyard as a fairly innocent, fourteen-year-old and returned as a scarred man in their early thirties.
"But Harry," Mrs. Weasley began, "if we start killing then we're no better than they are." Tonks saw the look of pained nostalgia on Harry's face change and she knew that the redheaded matriarch had chosen the wrong words.
"None of you have to go through what I do!" Harry shouted, causing the older woman to flinch and shy away from him again. "The most powerful Dark Wizard in history doesn't have a personal vendetta against any of you! None of you are destined to be the one to defeat him! None of you have to deal with the fact that people are killed to save your life! None of you endanger the people around you just because you exist!
"Voldemort and his fucking Death Eaters are trying to kill me and everyone in this room because you're all associated with me. I don't care about what happens to me, I care about everyone else. People die because of me and I won't let it go unpunished."
"No one died because of you Harry," a deep voice to Hermione's left said. Harry looked at the man who said it: Orion Levington, Hermione's boyfriend. Though he had just graduated from Hogwarts and was only a few months eighteen, he had already established himself as one of the leading members of the Order. He was both powerful and intelligent, rivaling Harry and Hermione, and had a tactical mind that Ron would have been proud of; on more than one occasion he managed to turn what should have been a crushing defeat for the Order into a resounding victory. His reassuring voice and calm personality commanded respect and garnered him a certain amount of authority, even if he wasn't fully aware of it.
"Of course they did," Harry snapped back, more hostile than he meant to be. "My grandparents died to protect me. Cedric died because I convinced him to take the Cup with me. Sirius died because I went to the Department of Mysteries. Dumbledore died because he tried to protect me. Ron died because I asked him to help patrol the castle. What's the recurring theme in all those scenarios? Me!"
"You have to look at who's on the other side of all this too," Orion calmly replied, not the least bit perturbed by Harry's tone. "Your grandparents died protecting you from Voldemort. Cedric was killed because Voldemort wanted to return to his body. Sirius died fighting Voldemort. Dumbledore died because Voldemort wanted him dead. Ron died because Voldemort wanted to kill Dumbledore. Everyone in this room right now is here because of Voldemort. Everyone you named might have died around you, but they were murdered because of Voldemort."
"As important as it may be, now isn't the time to have this conversation," James suddenly spoke up. "My son obviously has no intentions of returning to our home, as he thinks he'll put us in even more danger. While I don't agree with you Harry, and I think you went about this the wrong way, I do admire your selflessness and your conviction. Still it doesn't change the fact that you'll be putting yourself in more danger than necessary by doing that and you need somewhere safe to stay at least until your birthday. Does anyone have any ideas?" Mad-Eye opened his mouth to object but Lily beat him to it.
"There's nothing you can say Mad-Eye, this isn't your decision. We're his parents and we discussed this at length after he left. If Harry really wants to protect us that much then how can we so no to that? His heart's in the right place and we can't fault him for it. Nevertheless, James is right, he does need somewhere safe to stay."
"He can stay with me," Tonks volunteered. She wasn't surprised when Harry rounded on her with a look of defiance in his face.
"No bloody way Dora. If I don't want to endanger my family then what makes you think I want to put you in danger instead?"
"What makes you think I'll be in any more danger than usual just because you're with me Harry? First off, they have no reason to suspect that I'm keeping you hidden away. Furthermore, I can get up and leave without disrupting my life if anything does happen." Harry began to protest but the young woman cut him off. "Damn it, don't turn this into another argument Harry. You try your best to protect everyone else, now let us help protect you."
"You should go with her Harry," Hermione spoke up. She looked at Orion and he merely nodded his agreement.
"If you're not coming back home then I'll feel much better knowing you're with Tonks," Rose added. James and Lily agreed with her but Harry knew that Rose had a deeper meaning.
"Alright, fine," Harry consented. "I'll stay with you but I want the damn place warded to hell and back." Tonks smirked as if to say that was a given and finally gave Harry his wand back as she took her seat. The real meeting finally got underway and didn't last very long, most likely because everyone was ready to leave. When it was over, Harry had an emotional farewell with his family and Hermione and allowed Tonks to Apparate them back to the Leaky Cauldron. After quickly packing his things, thanks almost entirely to Tonks' wand work, they used the fireplace at the pub to Floo to her flat. Harry looked around at the place and noted that it had barely changed since the first time he was there.
James and Lily were both currently doing something with the Order and, since they didn't want to leave Harry and by extension Rose on their own, both had to stay with members of the Order. Rose, who was very good friends with Ginny Weasley, stayed with the redheaded family. Harry wanted to stay with Sirius, where he could visit Ron and Hermione as he pleased without being crammed in at the Burrow, but both his godfather and Serene were busy. When Tonks offered to let him stay with her, claiming that she would be off work for the next few days and had nothing better to do anyway, he jumped at the offer. Though he had only known the young Auror for a few weeks, he was already comfortable around her and knew enough about her to know that they could easily get along. He didn't know as much about her as he wanted to but hoped that staying with her would change that.
"So what's it like being the Boy-Who-Lived?" Tonks asked as they ate. Harry snorted, showing his displeasure at the title.
"Like I can't make a mistake," he replied scornfully. "If it was just me, Harry Potter, things would be better but everyone's watching the Boy-Who-Lived. Never mind that Harry has his own life to live and that he wants to be normal and that he's famous for the death of his grandparents. Everyone wants their hero to be the person they have built up in their head and they're always disappointed to find that I'm not like what they expected."
"I completely understand," Tonks replied. "I have the same problem myself. Not the celebrity part of course," she quickly added, seeing the look on his face, "but that everyone's disappointed to find out that I'm not what they expect. I use my abilities to change my appearance to what I like and most blokes either think that what they see is the real me or that I'm really drop dead gorgeous or something. It always disappoints them when I don't look like they expect me to."
"So what do you really look like?"
"I'm afraid I don't show the real me to blokes on the first date Harry." She expected the teen to blush profusely and drop the subject but she was surprised to find only a light blush and a cheeky grin. Apparently he wasn't affected very strongly by flirting, which should have been more obvious considering who his parents and godparents were.
"Well then how about we consider this the third date?"
"Third date? We skipped one didn't we?" Her words made Harry chuckle.
"Well don't they say the third time is the charm?" Tonks found herself smiling at his quick wit and good humor.
"Alright Prince Charming, I'll show you but you can't go around asking for it all the time. Deal?" Harry nodded and Tonks screwed up her face in concentration. When the change was finished, she opened her eyes and looked at Harry expectantly. He was looking at her with his mouth open and, after several seconds of agonizing silence, Tonks decided she couldn't take it anymore. "Alright, you've got to say something Harry." The teen didn't realize until that moment that he had been silently staring at her.
"Sorry. Wow. Any bloke who's disappointed about the real you is a fucking idiot." Tonks smiled at the sincerity in his words. Though she swore she would never tell him this, his compliment meant more to her than anyone else's.
"Thanks Harry," she told him before returning to her dinner.
Harry watched as Tonks pulled out two butterbeers from her refrigerator and headed towards the table, handing one to him as she passed. He was truly grateful for what she had done for him, not just that day but over the past two years he had known her. While they did have their disagreements from time to time, he wouldn't trade his time with her for anything. There was a part of him that was sure that her mere presence had made things better for him ever since losing Sirius and he had to let her know.
"Thanks Dora," he told her, grabbing her hand before she was out of reach.
"Thanks for what Harry?" the young woman asked, a confused look on her face.
"Everything," was Harry's simple reply as he pulled her back to him. This time he was the one who initiated their kiss.
Author's Note: I forgot to mention in the first chapter that I'm including things that Rowling herself has admitted that would be canon. She admitted that Lily was pregnant with her daughter when she died and that she wanted James to make peace with Snape and for him to be the godfather, ergo that's why Snape is so friendly with the Potters. I also want to point out that the argument between Harry and Tonks is directly inspired by chapter 12 of "The Rebel and the Chosen" by chelseyb. It's a great story that I would highly recommend to everyone.