The Things We Do For Science Chapter 48: Last Dance Before An Execution, a Portal + Don't Starve Crossover fanfic

Chapter 48, everyone! In which a certain someone meets his fate…."Last dance before an execution" is lifted from a Quantum Leap episode of the same name, and apparently describes the condemned on their way to death….

We also once again reference the fanfic The Human Vault by Michaela-Le-Mongoola, which as always is worth the read, even if it is unfinished. Maybe someday….

Miqu, thanks for the review! Yes it was—that was the closing song for the first game. Appropriate, by the way. ;)

Last day.

The last day.

He was honestly having a hard time keeping from shaking, and was sorely tempted to invest in one of his cigars for his nerves—but Charlie would disapprove, and he didn't want that.

But one more day! Less than…five hours now—and then they were gone for good.

Okay, to be honest, part of the reason he was shaking was the fact that not only was the day upon him, but he had more than one girl that he was returning to.

There had been a lot of mental flogging over that one. That can't have been easy for Charlie. The response she had given him when he asked her why she hadn't told him hurt too:

"I tried, but every letter I started began with 'I know you said you never wanted children, but—'"

Well, as soon as today was over, he was going to start fixing that. Starting with figuring out what, exactly, he was supposed to do with a girl. Sure, Charlie had said not to worry about gender, but he was pretty certain a finishing school might have issues with her knowing how to pitch a ball and do magic tricks….Oh wow, he had a lousy repertoire of teachable skills….Maybe he ought to call up his brother Jack—he had two girls, so he had some prior knowledge of child-rearing. Except, you know, there was that falling out over his career choice of stage magician, and the fact that his wife didn't like him, and the fact that he had been a mite too vocal about how disturbing he found their twins….Oh man, he was going to suck at this….

Fingers snapped in front of him, snapping him out of his lunchtime reverie.

"Good," Lucian noised, smiling that smarmy grin of his. "I was thinking we had lost you, Max."

Every single ounce of venom he could muster was directed at the man. "Don't," he hissed. "Call me Max. That's Maxwell to you, pal." No one outside of Charlie was allowed to call him any variation of a pet name. And then his family never called him anything but William or Will—oh wow, he hadn't thought about them in ages….

Not now—maggot to deal with. "So what do you want?" he vaguely snarled, dearly wishing that looks could kill.

Lucian smiled and sat down across from him. "Well, Max—well," he said, smiling at his wit—he wondered how Lucian would look with all his teeth knocked out. "Seeing as how it's your last day and all, the boys and I were wondering if you wouldn't mind trying something a little different."

"I would mind," he said shortly. "What, exactly, do you think you're going to do?"

"Just a little experiment, nothing to worry about."

"Uh huh. I suppose you think I've got conversion gel between my ears."

"Now, now, no need to be mean about it—besides, that's disrespectful to our dear Mr. Johnson."

Uh huh. "If you're quite done—"

He wasn't. "It's just a little thing, to see about maybe assisting our Aperture branch. I'm sure you won't object, right?"

"Wrong. I'm out in…" he checked his watch. "Four and a half hours, so you can take that experiment and perform it on yourself."

"Now, is that nice? But I suppose I can always get something else." Here Lucian's expression turned sly. "Charlie, perhaps."

Maxwell's hand was suddenly aching, and a few moments later, he divined why—he had leapt up and socked Lucian square in the face.

"Listen, you insignificant ant," he snarled, heart hammering—it was too late to back down, so might as well push forward. "You lay a hand on her and I'll—"

"And you'll what?" Lucian spat—Maxwell was suddenly aware of the security men flanking them. "Spend the next several years in jail? I hear you got a kid now—not exactly the kind of role model she needs."

Maxwell froze at that statement—he hadn't known until last night that he had a kid. How did this louse know?

How he hated that smile. "You think we're stupid enough to leave assets unattended?" Lucian asked. "We've been keeping an eye on you and her, and all…developments. So. You agree to this little experiment—or maybe we get both of your girls in on it."

Judging by the vice grips that suddenly seized his arms, he didn't think he had much choice. Not that there was one….Oh, Charlie….

"So," Lucian continued. "Do we have a deal?"

He forced himself to nod. "Under one condition."

"I'd love to hear it."

"You leave Charlie and the kid alone."

"Oh, sure, sure." Lucian turned to one of the goons. "Go put Mrs. Carter in a relaxation chamber, will you? I hear she's making quite the fuss in the waiting room."

"Hey! Hey wait a minute!" he yelled, straining against the goons holding him.

"I'll let her go when we're done," Lucian said. "No need for you to act up out of turn. Now, let's get you to the lab. It'll be interesting to see if you survive the procedure—I hear it hurts, like being eaten alive."

Oh. Oh no.

He had heard once, something he read in the paper, or maybe his brother Jack had told him—again, someone he hadn't thought about in ages—that those on their way to the execution chamber seemed to dance in their frantic struggle to get away. Last dance before an execution, they called it.

He thought that was appropriate, considering the vehemence he was struggling with, and the death chamber they were obviously dragging him towards. And Charlie, and Willow—

He should have run when he had the chance. Listened to Charlie and quit when she did.

And now….Now he might never see her again.

Charlie…Charlie….

I'm so sorry, Charlie.

He was waking up again. Good. She was getting really tired of loitering around down here, and she had run out of burnable material a while back.

"Finally," she chided, when he finally opened his eyes and looked at her. "All that talk about how we ought to hurry, and then you're the one holding us up. What's wrong with you?"

His expression was one she wasn't used to, and it made her uncomfortable. So, she busied herself with standing and dusting herself off and picking the portal gun up.

"Well then," she said, looking over again—still that weird look. "Are we ready to go? You can stand, right?"

"I'm working on it," he muttered.

She rolled her eyes; this was not helping. They needed to get going, now.

And so, before she could think too closely on the matter, she reached down and hauled him up, draping his arm around her shoulders and resting his weight on her back. He was tall enough that she'd be mostly dragging him, but at least there would be forward momentum involved.

"What are you doing?" he asked, tone flat, like he was still processing what happened.

"We need to get going," she said, like she was explaining it to an idiot. "And I'm sick to death of waiting for you to be able to walk again. So we're going. Now which way?"

She could feel his chest moving slightly against her back, which weirded her out, but she could also feel his head lifting and looking around….

"That way," he said finally. "Off your ten o' clock."

"Wonderful," she chimed, turning appropriately and dragging him along. "Let's get going, shall we?"

"Can we not drag me like I'm garbage?"

"No comment."

A mercifully long silence followed that.

"Fine," he muttered. "I walked into that one."

She found it a mite concerning that he copped to it, but she ignored it for the time being.

She had more pressing matters to attend to—like getting out of here.