Chapter 1: Recap and Farewell to Brian
Previously, on Family Guy - "Life of Brian"…
Brian and Stewie had ventured to 17th century Jamestown and had altered the past by giving the Powhatan tribe guns to defend themselves. The results of altering the past caused a mess in time to have more natives be surrounded in Quahog during the present. With but only one choice, the two purchased a new return pad and changed the past for the better. Upon returning home, the two dumped Stewie's time machine in the junkyard in the hopes no more close calls to death occur. While at the junkyard, the two best friends found a used, but in still good condition street hockey net and decided to have fun by spending the rest of the day playing street hockey, which is where we come in…
End recap… BEGIN PART 1:
Outside of 31 Spooner Street, Brian and Stewie set up their equipment to play some Street Hockey, they were all dressed for the occasion. Stewie spoke, "Okay, Brian, I'm just putting this out there… But I'm a baby and only dicks don't let babies win."
"God, look at this day, huh?" said Brian, as he smelt the fresh air. "You know, usually, I'd be sitting inside writing, you'd be working on one of your machines." He beamed, "But here we are enjoying it."
"Yes, it is a nice change of pace." replied Stewie. "Oh, wait, I got to go grab my knee pads." He fixed to head inside, "I was using them for for-for this other thing. Anyway, I'll be right back."
Safe to say that last statement had surprised Brian, "What else could you possibly use knee pads for besides this?" he asked.
"That's not important, Bri." answered the infant. "What is important is the fact we're gonna have fun. Fun, fun, fun."
"Until Lois takes the T-Bird away, right?" The white Labrador added, referencing a set of old song lyrics.
"Now you're getting it." Stewie nodded, as he turned around.
Safe to say, it was fabulous day outside today, nothing could go wrong. That is to say until a Silver 2010 Mercedes-Benz E-Class coupe drove along the community, Brian didn't hear or see it coming, but Stewie did, "Brian, look out!" But it was too late! The car ran over the dog, leaving him fatally wounded, Stewie looked in horror. "Ah, Brian!"
One of the car doors opened, revealing Ernie the Giant Chicken, "Wha… What the hell just happened?" he asked, feeling rather shocked.
"What happened?" Stewie asked in sarcasm, as he then yelled, "I'll tell you 'what happened', what happened is the fact you just ran over my dog, you stupid avian!".
"Hey!" said a new voice, it was a teenage rooster, obviously Ernie's son, "You can talk to my dad like that!"
"I just did!" retorted Stewie, who rolled his eyes.
In the midst of all the arguing, the rest of the Griffins ran outside. "Oh, my God! Brian! Brian, can you hear me?!" asked Lois.
"Holy crap! What the hell happened?!" inquired Peter. It was only when he saw Ernie, his eyes frowned, Ernie followed suit. Very soon, if someone didn't do anything, one of Peter and Ernie's trademark fights would soon begin.
"Since you insulted my father, it's time that I teach you a lesson myself." Ernie's son said looking at Stewie.
Frowning himself at the newcomer, the toddler did the 'bring it on' gesture and simply said, "Bring it on, motherclucker!"
But the fight went nowhere and was ultimately broken up, Ernie's wife, Nicole. "That's enough!"she said.
Lois agreed, "We have more important things to do."
Nicole turned to her husband and nodded to him indicating it was time to leave, she then nodded to her son to follow suit.
"I'm sorry for calling you a… Well, you know." Stewie said apologizing to Ernie and Nicole's son.
"It's okay, my fault anyway…" He extended his wing, making introductions. "I'm Birt."
"Stewie." The infant replied.
Later, at the local Quahog Veterinarian Clinic, the Griffins anxiously waited for any signs of news, be it good, bad, or in between. "Mom, is Brian gonna be okay?" asked Meg.
"I don't know, Meg." replied Lois. "But this is the best veterinarian in Quahog. Brian's getting the finest care there is."
After what seemed like hours, the veterinarian came out. Lois spoke, "Doctor, how is Brian? Is he gonna be okay?"
"I'm so sorry, Mrs. Griffin," he replied in a sad voice, "But Brian's injuries are just too severe for us to save him." There was a long silence. "I don't know how much longer he has, but I suggest that you all go in and say your goodbyes."
With looks of pure shock on their face and knowing that they had but one choice, the Griffins entered the operating room, all their eyes began to water.
"Oh, my God! Brian, no!" said Lois.
"I can't believe it!" whimpered Peter. "Y-You're really…"
"Damn it, Brian, you can't die! We were gonna do so many things together!" cried Stewie. "We were gonna become windsurfers, I was gonna be a little better than you, but we were both gonna be good!"
Then, right in front of his family, Brian began to tremble and speak ever so slightly.
Noticing this, Lois spoke to her family, "You guys, I think, I think Brian's trying to say something!"
"You…" Brian began, gathering what strength he had left in him. "You've given me a wonderful life. I love you all." He smiled and look upon all the Griffins. "I'm grateful to have you all here, so that I may have the chance to say 'goodbye'." He turned to Chris, "Chris, how often must a delinquent like you prove himself not special, before you believe it yourself?" He then turned to Lois, "Lois, sweet darling Lois. You honor me with your friendship and love, treasure the same values that you gave me that I bestow to you." He turned to Meg, "Meg, unable to be loved, let alone be touched by anyone. Yet, if you look around you, I think that you will find you have touched us all, as you have me." He turned to Peter, "Peter, if were Francis, I would tell you that no truer son could ever be loyal. Even in the face of adversity in times of the good and bad." Finally, he turned to Stewie. "Stewie…"
It was now Stewie's turn to speak, "I'm so sorry, Bri!"
"For what, this?" asked the dog, indicating his injuries. "I've gotten myself worse shit than today." He frowned then let out a brief chuckle. "Can't think of anything right now, but…"
But what it was Brian wanted say next, Stewie didn't let him finish his sentence, "It would've better had we stayed at home. And then, none of this fucking shit would've happened!"
Brian called his friend by name, "Stewie, look at me…" The infant did so, "I'd rather die today, than live 100 years without knowing your or the others."
As the Labrador spoke, Stewie had to agree, they've had so many adventures together, but now it was going to come to end at their final curtain call. In the back of both dog's and baby's minds, memories they held dear to began to play, whether it be their countless "Road to…" adventures or any other occasion, they would cherish the memories so dear, As a cover version of Frank Sinatra and Céline Dion's duet of "All the Way" was sung by the dog and baby themselves began to play, they held each other's hand.
Stewie: When somebody loves you, it's no good unless they love you, all the way. Happy to be near you, when you need someone to cheer you, all the way.
Brian: Taller than the tallest tree is, that's how it's got to feel. Deeper than the deep blue sea is, that's how deep it goes if it's real.
Both: When somebody needs you, it's no good unless they need you…
Stewie: All the way.
Brian: Through the good or lean years and for all the in between years.
Stewie: For all those years.
Both: Come what may… Who knows where the road will lead us? Only a fool would say.
Brian: But if you let them love you…
Stewie: It's for sure they're gonna love you, all the way…
Brian: All the way…
Stewie: Taller than the tallest tree is, that's how it's got to feel.
Brian: Deeper than the deep blue see is…
Stewie: That's how deep it goes if it's real.
Brian: And when somebody needs you, it's no good unless they need you…
Both: All the way. Through the good or lean years and for all the in between years. Come what may… Who knows where the road will lead us?
Stewie: Only a fool would say.
Brian: But if you let them love you…
Stewie: It's for sure they're gonna love you.
Both: All the way…
Brian: All the way…
Stewie: They're gonna love you all the way.
With their song complete, Brian and Stewie stared at each other, one last time. Then, not only did the heart monitor go flat, but Brian's paw drooped from Stewie's hand.
The veterinarian put his stethoscope to Brian's heart, there was no response, "I'm sorry, he's gone."
"Oh, my God. He's…" began Chris, hoping that the worst wasn't true.
"Yes, Chris…" Lois nodded, confirming the truth. "I'm afraid… I'm afraid that our Brian is dead!"
To say that the Griffins rarely showed moments when they could be truly like a family and not slitting each-other's throats, would be a gross understatement of the year. But because they all loved Brian so much, they let their tears come naturally to them. Peter and Lois held hands, Chris put his hand on Meg's shoulder, Stewie trembled in extreme sadness and then the whole family all huddled together in one big hug.
When the Griffins returned home, as they exited the car, Peter spoke, "Guys, I'm gonna need a few minutes alone upstairs. I got to do, like, a-a sad yank."
As the rest of the family headed on inside, Stewie stayed outside to dispose of the remains of the street hockey equipment, "Stupid street hockey. I wish we never went to that dump." He sighed heavily and looked at his teddy bear Rupert, "Oh, this is all my fault. I'm the one who had to throw away the damn time machine." His eyes the lit up, Stewie had begun to form an idea. "Wait a minute, that's it! I've just got to rebuild the time machine, and then I can go back and save Brian!"
So off Stewie went to a favorite black market of his, he hoped that he would be successful in acquiring the right parts to build said machine. But as he left, a car outside the Griffins came across the trash Stewie left out, behind the driver seat was the Griffins local pharmacist and Jewish neighbor, Mort Goldman, who took the items with him, "Oh, happy birthday, Neil!"
Later on, at the black market, Stewie approached one of his favorite Persian people who had usually had the supplies and all that he needed, "Stewie, how are you?" asked the contact, who's name was Yousef.
"Oh, not well, Yousef." answered Stewie. "I need your help. I have to track down a titanium capacitor for a high-wattage mainframe I'm going to construct."
"Titanium capacitors?" Asked the merchant as he shook his head, "Sorry, there's no way to get those anymore."
Surprised, the infant asked, "What do you mean? You've gotten them for me before."
"I know, but the one guy who made those drew a doodle of Mohammed, so he's not around anymore." said Yousef, as he shook his head in sadness, "He wasn't even doing it on purpose, just absentmindedly, while talking on the phone. But it was Mohammed, so…" he gave a shrug, "You know."
Giving up hope, Stewie exhaled in sadness of his own, "Oh, that's awful. Okay, Yousef, thanks, anyway." Heading on his way home, the toddler spoke to Rupert, "Oh dear, Rupert, without those capacitors, it'll be completely impossible to build a functioning time machine." He sighed. "I guess that means Brian is really gone for good."
About a day or two later, Brian's funeral happened. The following people were some, if not all of the attendees: Jillian Russell, one of Brian's previous human girlfriend's, Brian's cousin Jasper, his partner Ricardo, Neil Goldman, Cleveland Brown, his new wife Donna Tubbs, Tom Tucker, Joyce Kinney, Doctor Elmer Hartman, Carl, the owner of the Quahog Mini-Mart, Ida Davis aka Dan Quagmire, Glenn Quagmire's father, Joe and Bonnie Swanson, and so many others to list. One by one, guests came lined up to leave flowers and among other things to pay tribute to the fallen pet of the Griffins.
"Thank you so much for coming, guys." Lois said to Joe. "Brian would be very thankful that you're here."
"No problem, Lois." replied Joe. "You know, I usually don't come to funerals. Since I'm a cop, I always wind up getting hit by a black woman with a purse."
Sure enough, as if on cue, a random black woman, did in fact start to hit Joe with her purse, "You find the man who did this."
The police officer himself turned around, "Uh, ma'am, what's your relationship to Brian?"
When she didn't give an answer, the woman went on smacking Joe, "You bring him to justice!"
At the same time, Joe tried talking some sense into her, "Are you sure you're at the right funeral?"
His advice went unheeded, "You make sure this angel child didn't die for nothing!
Joe gave it one more try, "Ma'am, Brian's a dog."
She smacked him one last time, "You show the world why you became a cop!"
Giving in, Quahog's finest cop spoke, "Okay."
When everybody was seated, the service began. "Thank you, everyone, for coming today." said Lois.
"None of you people came to my funeral!" bellowed an enraged voice, which turned out to be a hologram of Mayor Adam West, who then left.
Ignoring what the Mayor said, Lois resumed her train of thought, "I know Peter wanted to say a few words."
Peter stepped forward, safe to say he was at a loss for words, but he finally found his voice, "Oh, boy, this is, um… This is probably the worst pain I've ever had to go through, and I've sprained my ankle twice." He chose his next words carefully, "Um, the truth is, Brian wasn't just my dog. He was my best friend in the whole world." Recalling the good times they shared, and some of Brian's best qualities, the fat man went on. "He was smart, he was loyal, and I guess what I'm trying to say is, he was like a brother to me. And I-I'm gonna spend the rest of my life missing him."
"We're all gonna miss him, Peter." agreed his wife. "We're all gonna miss him very much."
Indeed, it was a most heartbreaking and saddened moment for all of the Griffins and 8 out of 10 the people of Quahog who knew Brian well, or who had friends who knew him. But the only one who did not seem to pay any attention about the seriousness of the situation, let alone give the Griffins any solace or compassion, was the one man who hated Brian with a burning passion… Glenn Quagmire, who was on his phone watching the local Red Sox game. But despite this, no one saw what he was doing, so anything he said or did fell instantly on both deaf ears and blind eyes. "Damn it, Ortiz!" He exclaimed. "Stop swinging at junk!"
The funeral soon reached its last few moments, as Brian's casket was lowered into the ground, and following that, Stewie left behind one last red rose. When the funeral was all over, a great chunk of the guests had left, the only ones who were left were the Griffins and the Swansons. Joe spoke, "I'm sorry that all off this had happen at an inconvenient time for you, guys. But I will do everything in my power to find out who would want Brian out of the way."
"That'd be great, Joe. Thanks…" said Lois.
"I'd start with the giant chicken whom I usually fight with, Joe. He seems to hate my guts anyway." suggested Peter.
"Will do." Joe acknowledged. "I'll let you know if anything comes up.
Author's Notes:
* And there we have it, the recap as to what happened in the actual episode, along with some of my own twists and turns. But from here on out, it's worthy of mentioning what I have in store next: As mentioned, I intend to have Joe question Ernie and his family, as well as gather evidence to see who would want to kill Brian. But because there actually was only so much leading up to what happened on the day of the incident, you can imagine the trail will easily begin to go cold rather quickly if Joe doesn't act fast.
* From the recap's opening, I'd just like to say I personally have nothing against Native Americans. But looking back on the way they were treated in the first act of the real episode of "Life of Brian", it's safe to say they were not in the slightest bit politically correct, then again, 5 out of 10 times some ethnic types are not. And as you can guess, I didn't wanna rewrite that part, word for word.
* As you've gathered, I am not including the part where a random squirrel kicks and spits on Brian calling him a dick. Mostly because it was out of place in the final episode, so all the more reason to evict it.
* Normally, I would include Peter's talk with the beheaded chicken and it tells him that he has a bad reputation in the chicken community from the actual episode, but because Ernie does play a part of my retelling, I've decided to leave out that bit of dialogue.
* The duet version of "All the Way" and its rights are owned by Frank Sinatra and Céline Dion, as they sang the duet rather beautifully, if you haven't heard this version of the beloved song, I'd highly recommend listening to it. Also, on the note of songs, during Brian's finally moments, I had some alternative songs I had in mind for Brian and Stewie to sing, which included, but did not limit to: "If I Never Knew You" from Disney's Pocahontas (the end credits version at least), Chicago's "You're the Inspiration", Queen's "You're My Best Friend", "We Have All the Time in the World" by Louis Armstrong from the James Bond 007 movie On Her Majesty's Secret Service and Westlife's "Flying Without Wings". All of which are songs that I love. And again, if for some reason you haven't listened to these songs, I'd highly recommend listening to them.
* Family Guy is owned and © by Seth MacFarlane.
* I own almost nothing here in this chapter, save, of course, the following details: Ernie's son Birt (whom I created) and some of the new dialogue that's not in the actual episode that I added on my own account.
* The only other bit of dialogue that is not my own dialogue, Brian's description and words of wisdom to the Griffins before his death were based off the words of wisdom and farewell too the X-Men from Charles Xavier came from the final episode of X-Men: The Animated Series, "Graduation Day".
That being said, until the next chapter, I am maxparker89 signing off…