Hi, everyone! Thanks so much for your patience in getting this new chapter out. I finally got a new computer yesterday and it's amazing! So Jane arrived on Friday and we're now to Sunday. A lot has happened in our little world so far. Official Rizzles! Yay! I hope everyone is staying safe and taking care of one another. Enjoy the new chapter, and as always, thank you all for the support!
Jane was the first to wake the following morning. She opened her eyes and saw the back of Maura's head. She could feel the honey blonde's body pressed against her own. She tightened her arms around Maura and pulled her even closer. For a split-second Jane felt the familiar panic of doing something she probably shouldn't be doing with her platonic best friend, but the events of yesterday and last night quickly came back to her and she relaxed.
I'm allowed to do this now, she thought. She's mine. I'm hers. I can do this - Jane nuzzled her nose into Maura's soft hair. And this - Jane placed a kiss to the side of Maura's neck. And even this - Jane peppered kisses across Maura's shoulder.
Maura stirred and immediately smiled as she felt Jane's lips on her skin. She couldn't have been happier with her decision to wear a tank top last night.
"Jane…" Maura's voice was deep with sleep.
Jane began trailing kisses from Maura's shoulder, up to her neck and below her ear.
And I can definitely do this she thought as she gently turned Maura towards her and greedily kissed her. Maura was momentarily surprised by Jane's forcefulness, but soon found her tongue sliding deliciously against the detective's.
"Well, good morning," Maura said after the heated kiss reached its end.
Jane kissed her once more before pulling away, but left her hand on Maura's cheek. Her eyes roamed Maura's face.
"I can't believe it," Jane said. "That's all I've been thinking since I woke up."
"Believe what?"
"After years of wishing I could wake up with you in my arms and kiss you good morning, I finally got to actually do it."
Maura gave Jane a chaste kiss.
"It was something I wished for too, Jane."
After a lazy morning of breakfast in bed, Jane and Maura decided to spend the day at Boston Common. The crisp autumn air, the leaves changing colors, it was a beautiful day. They wandered through the crafts festival and then made their way over to the farmer's market. It was Sunday, which meant Rizzoli Family dinner, so they stocked up on everything they would need for the big meal that night. It had to be "extra special" according to Maura because Jane was in town.
Maura, ever the scientist, felt like this excursion to The Common was providing her with so much new data she didn't know how to process it all. Seeing Jane in a new light was fascinating. Maura immediately picked up on how tactile Jane had become. Neither of them was particularly touchy feely with anyone, well, except each other, so it wasn't a complete surprise, but Maura nonetheless was incredibly curious about this new development.
She wasn't sure how keen Jane would be on public displays of affection, so she didn't make any move to hold Jane's hand or outwardly appear as though they were anything other than just friends. Maura was thrilled when Jane reached for her hand just a few blocks from the house, before they had even reached The Common.
"This okay?" Jane asked.
"Of course." Maura squeezed Jane's hand reassuringly.
Maura observed how each time they were separated – looking at different items, making purchases – Jane always found her way back to Maura. She'd come back and place her hand on the small of Maura's back or reach for her hand again. Maura's favorite was when Jane was speaking to a brewery vendor. Maura found her this time and intentionally stood just out of Jane's reach, pretending to read the label on a local ale. Without breaking eye contact with the vendor or stopping her conversation, Jane reached out for Maura. Maura smiled slyly at Jane's actions and moved just close enough for Jane to place her hand on Maura's hip. Jane wrapped a finger around one of Maura's belt loops and gently pulled her closer until they were standing side by side, each with one arm around the other.
They found a small table in the back of a café to take a break.
Jane took off her coat and draped it across the back of her chair.
"Do you want a tea, Maur?"
"Yes, please."
"Be right back."
Jane gave Maura a quick kiss on the cheek before heading up to the counter to place their order. Maura smiled as she watched her girlfriend walk away. She sat down and looked out the window. She watched other couples and families walk by. She placed her hand to the cheek Jane had kissed and felt the all too familiar warmth spread through her chest.
"My girlfriend," Maura whispered to herself.
She was so lost in her thoughts that she didn't hear Jane return.
"I'm sorry, what was that?"
"The scones," Jane said motioning towards the plate she had placed in front of Maura. "They had those maple ones you love."
"Thank you, Jane."
They sat for a few moments drinking their tea and watching the crowd.
"I'd like to tell everyone at dinner," Jane said.
Maura froze.
"You – you want to tell them about us? Are you sure?"
It was Jane's turn to freeze.
"Why? Are you not sure?" She felt her heart rate increase.
"No, I'm sorry. I mean, yes, I'm sure. I just was not expecting you to want to tell everyone so soon."
Jane smirked.
"Is this why you don't guess? Because you're so bad at it? Shame."
Maura threw a piece of her scone at Jane.
"Okay, okay. Yeah, I don't see any reason to wait. I'm ready. I've kind of been ready, ya know?"
"Me too. Tonight then?"
Jane nodded.
"How long do you think it'll take my mom to bring up grandchildren?"
"You're assuming she hasn't already?"
Jane nearly choked on her tea.
"What?! She what?! With you?! About us?! When?!"
Maura covered her face to try to stifle her laughter. It didn't work.
Jane just sat and watched her girlfriend in disbelief.
"Your sense of humor shows up at the most unexpected times. It's disturbing," Jane huffed.
This just set Maura off into another fit of giggles.
The second half of the afternoon had passed as perfectly as the first. The women were nearly done gathering everything they would need for dinner.
"This is our first official day as a couple," Maura said as she and Jane walked hand in hand.
"It is. Does it feel weird?"
Maura thought for a moment. "Only in the way that all new relationships feel a little weird at the very beginning. The shyness. The uncertainty."
Jane nodded in agreement. "Part of me feels like I'm just shopping with my best friend like we've done a thousand times…and part of me feels…"
Maura looked up to see what Jane was going to say only to see Jane leaning down to kiss her. There in the middle of Boston Common in front of hundreds of strangers, Jane kissed her girlfriend on the lips like it too was something they had done a thousand times.
They pulled away, each smiling at what they had just done.
"And part of me feels weird," Jane finished. "But a very good weird."
"The best weird," Maura added as she pulled Jane towards all the leafy greens she hated.
Jane hadn't realized how much she missed Rizzoli Family dinners. The home cooked meal, sharing it with everyone she loved; it definitely made her homesick. She even missed cooking with her mom. She was actually happy when Angela burst into Maura's house already talking a mile a minute about what she was going to make and how happy she was to have her Janie home for dinner.
Maura couldn't remember the last time she had been this excited for Sunday dinner. It was always nice when everyone came over and she was thankful to still be included, but it never felt the same without Jane there. It was like the heart of the group was missing. Maura's heart, anyway. Sundays were when Maura missed Jane the most.
After dessert, Jane looked at Maura and raised her eyebrows. Maura nodded and squeezed Jane's hand under the table.
"Hey, everyone," Jane said as she stood from her chair. She rubbed the scars on her hands and took a deep breath. She could feel Maura place a steadying hand on her leg. "I just wanted to thank you all for coming to dinner tonight. I've missed all of you and it really means a lot to me that you're all here tonight. Well, a lot to me and a lot to Maura. And I wanted to thank you all for always including Maura and treating her like family, especially since I've been in Virginia." Jane paused and looked at Maura. "It's very difficult to be away from the woman I love, but it's comforting to know that you all take such great care of her for me."
There was a stunned silence at the table. Each person quickly looked to the other, all of them seemingly asking "did she just…?"
Jane took Maura's hand as she stood next to her girlfriend.
"Yes," Jane said. "Maura and I are dating now."
The stunned silence continued for several more seconds until Frankie broke the trance and congratulated them. Nina jumped up and gave them each a hug. Korsak and Kiki cheered. Tommy and TJ were all smiles as they clapped. Ron too offered his congratulations.
Over the noise Jane heard Angela say, "But Janie I asked and you said—"
Jane shot her a quick look and Angela stopped talking before rushing over to embrace both women.
"Oh, my girls! I'm so happy for both of you!"
"Thank you so much, Angela."
"Thanks, Ma."
"So, what does this mean? Are you coming home? You're not going to take Maura away from us, are you? Are you going to be a detective again?"
"Ma, ma, easy with the questions." Jane squirmed away from her mother's Vulcan death grip. "Calm down. Let's just enjoy this, okay?"
"Jane's right," Maura chimed in. "We're focused on just enjoying this new step."
"Oh, all right," Angela conceded. "I'm just so happy for my girls."
"We know. Thanks again, Ma."
The announcement called for another round of coffee and dessert. After TJ fell asleep at the table, everyone started to make their way home.
Maura was wiping down the kitchen counters when Jane brought the last of the dishes into the kitchen.
"Hey, Ron headed home, so I'm gonna walk Ma back to the guesthouse, okay? Let her be all motherly for a few minutes." Jane rolled her eyes. "I love you. Be right back."
Maura kissed Jane's cheek. "I love you too."
Twenty minutes later Jane came back wishing she had come back 15 minutes sooner. She knows her mother means well, but she can only take so much.
Maura was washing dishes in the sink, her back to Jane. Jane wrapped her arms around Maura from behind and rested her chin on the doctor's shoulder.
"First mention of grandchildren. Check."
Jane felt Maura's body react with a small laugh, but she didn't say anything. A few seconds later Jane heard a small sniffle instead. She moved around to face Maura and saw that she already had tears streaming down her cheeks.
"Maur? What is it?"
"It's – it's been really hard without you here."
Jane wrapped her arms around her girlfriend and guided them to the couch.
Maura wiped her cheeks and tried to compose herself, but it was useless.
"I missed you so much. It wasn't the same. I tried to work and go on with my life, but I couldn't. I didn't know what to do. I was lost. Lonely. I was so sad, but also hurt. And angry. Part of me was so angry at you for leaving. For leaving me."
Jane hated herself. She watched Maura's body shake with tears and her heart broke. She had done this. She had caused Maura all of this pain.
"Maura, I am so sorry. I never should have left. It's the biggest mistake I've ever made. You have every right to be angry. I'm so sorry that I hurt you."
Maura shook her head.
"It's okay, Jane. I'm not telling you this to get an apology from you or make you feel badly. You didn't do it on purpose. We talked about why you left and it's okay. We both could have prevented all of this. I don't blame you."
"I blame me. I ran away. You needed me and I wasn't here. I'll never forgive myself for that. I wish I could take it back. I wish I could make it up to you. I'll try to. I'll try to every day."
Maura reached out and took Jane's hands in hers.
"You already have. You—"
"It's not enough."
"Jane. I love you. This was just the journey that we had to take. We've reached the destination I've always wanted. That's what's important to me. It's just…all of these unresolved feelings from when you left…they wouldn't go away. I hadn't anticipated blurting them out the way I did, but with dinner and everything suddenly feeling so normal…I don't want to go back to how it feels when you're not here."
Jane leaned forward and pressed her lips to each of Maura's tear stained cheeks before giving her a soft kiss on the lips.
"I love you so much," she breathed as she placed her forehead to Maura's. "I promise it won't feel like that ever again. I know we have a lot to talk about before next Sunday, but I promise, I promise, you'll never feel like that again. You will never, ever hurt like that again."
Maura nodded before connecting their lips once more.
"I know."
It was about thirty minutes later when Maura finally spoke again. They were still on the couch; wrapped in each other's arms.
"Jane, earlier when you made the announcement, Angela said she asked you about something before, but you intentionally cut her off. What was she talking about?"
Jane was quiet for a moment. She knew she had to be honest and tell Maura everything.
"You know all the pain and hurt you felt that we just talked about? Well, I kind of knew about it already. Part of it, at least."
"I don't understand. I never told you. On all of our phone calls and texts I remember clearly masking all of those emotions and attempting to present quite a different picture to you."
"You did. And you did a really good job. Which is why when Ma told me how you rarely left the house and how you were losing weight, it devastated me. And that's when she asked – she asked if we were more than friends because it seemed like, to her, you were suffering from a broken heart. She thought we had broken up."
Maura looked at Jane's face and saw sad brown eyes staring back at her.
"You knew?"
"Not for very long. Just a couple weeks. You remember that night you called me when you got home from Hope's clinic? When I asked you about the Hyman Bloom exhibit?"
Maura nodded.
"Ma had called me earlier that night. That's when I started planning this visit and everything that's come with it. The fact that you hadn't gone to the Hyman Bloom exhibit after droning on and on about it," Jane playfully rolled her eyes to get a smile from Maura, "confirmed to me that you weren't as happy as you were leading me to believe."
Maura sat quietly as she replayed the last couple of weeks in her head; her brow furrowed in concentration.
"You told me that night how much you missed me. I was surprised you shared your emotions so freely."
"I was hoping that if I opened the door you would walk through it."
"And you started texting me a lot more. Our calls got longer."
"I couldn't stand the thought of you being sad. I thought it might help. Ma said you started smiling more. Frankie said you went out with him and Nina. I could hear the change in your voice."
"You did all of that – all of this – for me because I was sad?"
"I would do anything to make you happy. I had been thinking about finally telling you I was in love with you. Ma's phone call was the kick in the ass I needed. I knew exactly how you were feeling because I felt the same way."
"You did? You never said anything."
Jane chuckled.
"We're so alike sometimes. I didn't want you to know how sad I was either. But I was. I went to work early, stayed late. I didn't socialize with anyone. Stayed in my apartment. Probably drank too much beer." Jane shrugged. "It just didn't seem worth it without you."
Maura cupped Jane's cheek and kissed her several times.
"We're quite the pair," Maura said smiling. "I think what we've learned from this very long conversation tonight is that we need to start telling each other how we feel, even if it's difficult or painful. Can we agree on that? I don't want to keep anything from you anymore."
"Agreed. I want this – us – so much. I'll do whatever it takes."
"Can we also agree that you moving was something neither of us wanted and the results of it are no one's fault and no one is to blame?"
Jane made a sound that could only be described as a growl.
"Jane…? I don't want you blaming yourself or feeling like you need to continually apologize for something. It's just as much my doing as it is yours. I don't want this hanging over our heads. I want to move past it. Together."
Maura could see Jane clenching and unclenching her jaw. She ran her fingertips over Jane's forearm.
Jane gave Maura a curt nod. "Okay."
"Thank you." Maura brought Jane's hand to her lips and kissed the back of it. "Jane, I'm really not looking forward to next Sunday. What are we going to do?"
"I'm not looking forward to it either, but I have some ideas for the coming months, so I don't want you to worry. But for right now," Jane pressed her lips to Maura's, "I want to spend the next few days with you like a normal couple in one of those annoyingly happy new relationship bubbles." Another kiss. "How does that sound?"
Maura smiled into another kiss.
"That sounds perfect."