My Daily Life as a Dungeon Crawler is More Grindy than I Expected

by With Death Comes More Death

Hikigaya Hachiman's second year of high school has come to an end, but instead of finding himself in a new classroom, he's found himself in an entirely new world! Watch as this genre-savvy teen finds outs that there's much more dungeon crawling than just killing monsters. There's strangely also weird romantic comedy elements? (Now being cross-posted on Ao3 and SpaceBattles)

2. Chapter 1: Starting is the Hardest Part

My Daily Life as a Dungeon Crawler is More Grindy than I Expected, Chapter 1. Of Course, The Hardest Part is Starting.

…

"Eina-san!" Some simply gawked at the blood-soaked boy as he ran full speed through the crowded streets of Orario. Most openly pointed, laughed, and mocked him. I chose to sigh as I trudged along behind, following his blood-soaked path. Either way, the sixteen-year-old boy didn't pay any mind to these reactions.

Do my eyes deceive me? Is that really you, Cranel? The boy I met when I first came here would never have been able to ignore others like this! To think that it only took you a few weeks to learn the truest way to live, the way of the loner— Pft! Ah, who am I kidding? You'd be rolling around on the ground, mid-panic attack if it weren't for your indomitable ability to be as dense as a rock. If only we could all be as awful at reading the room as you are, dear familia member o' mine! The world would truly be a better place.

"Eina-san!" The albino, even when covered head to toe in minotaur blood, was much faster than me. I had been trying to keep up with him ever since he first broke off running out of the Dungeon, but eventually, my legs grew so heavy trying to keep up that he ran so far ahead of me that I couldn't see his back anymore. When that happened, I came to a halt with a huff.

How in the world do you still have this much energy, Cranel? Didn't you almost die via literal raging man-bull goring twenty minutes ago? You did? Well, would you please start acting like it? Your lack of reaction is starting to make me worry!

"Heh, that annoying kid part of your familia?" A gravelly voice came from my right. Turning towards it, I found myself looking at some guy that was barely worth describing. So, I'm not going to! Could you please leave me alone, 'random citizen who may or may not be an asshole'-san? I'd like to trudge after that annoying kid you're making fun of, thank you very much. "When you see him next, you mind putting him down for me? He's already running around like a chicken with its head cut off, so you might as well!"

The stranger planted his hands on his waist and began to laugh. All it took was him leaning his head back into the air for me to understand just what he was. For a second, you got me believing that you were of some importance. Maybe a gruff shopkeeper that might give me useless-sounding advice that would help me later on in my journey, but nope. Bye, bye, random background character-sama~! May you never learn of your true importance to the world. Just keep living that life of yours; running this copy-and-paste fruit stand of yours and setting this world's tone, feel, atmosphere by being an ass. Existentialism to the uninitiated can be a killer, y'knooow~?

"H-Hey, where do you think you're going? I was talking to you!" I ignored the man as he began to sling curses my way. An easy enough thing to do with all the commotion going on around me. Hagglers haggling with shop owners at their booths, beggars begging those hagglers for any scraps they may have, and passerbys passing those beggars by. More than enough external noise to keep me from hearing any outside garbage.

A sigh made my body feel heavier as I continued to drag it to my destination. Come on, body. Just bear with me a little bit longer. Once we cash in these stones, we can go home and pass out like you want. Maybe even eat something too! You just need to hold on. Plus ultra!

Despite my attempts to keep motivated, I still loathed the time it took to reach my goal. It only took me a few minutes or so, but I still hated every second of it. Hopefully, these trips will start to get easier from here on out. Sure, I really didn't have much of a choice in the matter, but the hope still lingered at the forefront of my mind. To work is to lose, after all.

The faintest of smiles crossed my lips at that. Clearly, no matter what world I found myself in, I was still painfully and wholeheartedly Hikigaya Hachiman.

…

In Orario, the Dungeon reigned with an iron fist. Why? Well, that was because of the monsters that roamed its labyrinthine halls. And no, I wasn't talking about just the figurative kind either, although I was sure that was still a major problem.

In a very literal sense, the Dungeon acted like the kind one might see in your standard RPG. Spiraling down into the ground, it spawned monsters of increasing difficulty with each level. I really couldn't say much on what kind of monsters were actually down there, as I had only started adventuring not too long ago and my two-man party had only just gotten down to the fifth level today, but I did know one thing.

When monsters were killed, they dropped magic stones. And those stones, even when they were as small as a piece of gravel, were worth a fair amount of money to an organization called the Guild, who had an actual monopoly on the trade.

Why did the Guild want these stones? Well, that was because they were a valuable resource in creating certain weapons that did certain things that I wasn't all too sure of yet. I, however, did know that they were also used to power certain electronics, which this fantasy setting did have. Nothing like what I was used to, but amenities like lights, hot water, and refrigeration did exist, which was nice to know even though I was too poor to have access to any of them.

Now, since all of that prerequisite information was out of the way, onto why I was even bothering to explain it all. Basically, it was to better emphasize the importance of the yellow-brick building in front of me.

The Pantheon, the Guild's headquarters in Orario. This is where adventurers went to cash in their magic stones. This was also where people went to register themselves as official adventurers. Technically speaking, an adventurer didn't need them to go into the dungeon and kill monsters, but if you wanted to make a living off your hard work then you needed to stop by and fill out all the necessary paperwork.

That being said, I'm sure that there were a bunch of (il)legal loopholes one could jump through if they wanted to avoid dealing with the Guild. Probably some sort of shady, underground black market that operated out of the really sketchy parts of the city, but was really actually controlled by someone on the opposite end of the food chain.

I should probably look into that once I get stronger. Seemed like an opportunity to make some easy money in the future. Plus, I might get some Robin Hood points. Everyone loves an anti-hero, after all, even though I'd just be some scumbag taking advantage of an even bigger scumbag. Honor among thieves was an overrated trope anyways.

I smiled at that, but quickly refocused on the massive marble archway that served as the Pantheon's entrance - an entrance that was sandwiched in an indent of the massive structure. Can't be wasting my time.

Every time I saw it, I couldn't help but shake my head and wonder who thought a design like this would work for a major institution. Clearly, the construction of the entrance was meant to help control the flow of traffic coming in and out, but the only doors to speak of were two pieces of wood that went from my belly button to the top of my thigh. They were barely even doors! How did they even lock this place up at night?

Before I could think about nonsensical design decisions any more, I took note of the deep, almost black crimson spots that stained the pure alabaster stone leading up to the entrance and pieced together what had most likely happened. Breathe, Hachiman. Let's just hope that he hasn't stirred up too much trouble. The last thing I need is her having another reason to be pissed off at me.

Go.

Pushing my wishful thoughts to the side, I plodded into the Pantheon, pushing past the 'doors' without even taking my hands out of my pockets.

The place was busy as usual, though considerably less so than when Cranel and I usually came in.

To my immediate left, there were the teller cages, the place where all monetary transactions were processed. The cage was made completely out of gold, except for the part in which you dropped your stones into was made of a deep brown wood.

Directly in front of me was the front desk. It spanned almost a third of the room by itself and was where advisers and adventurers met to discuss smaller, quicker things. Prospective adventurers could also go there to ask general questions. Usually, it wasn't too busy, but it seemed like the Guild employees present actually had people to attend today strangely enough.

To my right was the complete opposite of that. All along that side, from the front to the back, were sets of wood tables and light green couches. Two couches to one table, which were empty aside from that. All lengthy discussions between adviser and client took place there. Or rather, in my case, it was where your adviser lectured you on things that didn't even concern adventuring. I suddenly felt much more tired for some reason.

Alright, now, where did that idiot run off to? Frowning, my eyes did another once over of my surroundings, hoping to find Cranel, but ended up finding nothing. Hm? Did I just miss him or something? I was taking my time, so maybe—

"Um, excuse me, sir?" A masculine voice came from my right, prompting me to turn to face it. My first response was to feel as though I was supposed to jump in fright to fulfill some comedic gag or whatever, but it was hard to be taken off guard by anything when you were aware of its presence from the outset. The failed jumpscare took the form of a man wearing the standard Guild uniform – a black vest over a white button-up and a pair of black slacks. Everything about him oozed plain. His hair, his smile, his tone – it made me wonder if I was talking to a blank silhouette instead of a living being. I guess that made him perfect to work in a place like this, huh? "You're Hachiman Hikigaya, right?"

I nodded, all the while wondering why he even bothered to ask.

"Ah, it's just like Tulle-san said." The Guild employee let out a chuckle, which caused my brow to furrow. What did that woman have to say about me this time—? "You were very easy to identify."

…Oi, what in the world was that? That was incredibly rude, y'know? What kind of customer service worker are you? Insulting me and laughing isn't going to make me want to do so as well. It's actually making me want to run! All the way to your boss to complain about this exchange. We aren't friends, you riajuu bastard! So, stop acting like it and leave me alone!

"I assume that you're looking for Cranel-san?" I nodded again, deciding to keep my gripes to myself. "Tulle-san took him to the back to get cleaned up. What happened to him, if you mind me asking? It looks like he took a bath in a pool of pig blood—"

Humming, I left the man to start heading in the direction that he pointed me towards.

A few seconds and a turn of a corner later, I found the two people that I was looking for, walking in my direction. What a remarkable coincidence! It's almost as if things were written that way.

"Thank you again for letting me use your bathroom, Tulle-san!" Running a towel through his white hair, Cranel flashed said Guild adviser a smile that I knew could decimate entire legions of men and women alike. How did that even work? How could one fight when their hearts were melted? Exactly. Given how Tulle's cheeks got just a tinge redder, it looked like that unwitting weapon just claimed another victim. I had to keep myself from snickering at the sight. "Sorry about coming here without cleaning up first." The albino let out a chuckle as he scratched at the back of his head. "I was just so excited that I really didn't think things through."

Tulle shook her head as she looked away and smiled. My ability to keep composed was put to the test when I saw the half-elf reach up and brush some of her brown hair back behind a pointy ear. Is that a blush I see?! "What am I ever going to do with you, Bell-kun?"

'Bell-kun', huh? You're on a first name basis already, Tulle? You work faster than I thought. Or, was it Cranel doing the work here? To say that I was thoroughly amused would be an understatement. Getting to see a woman, who has done nothing but lecture and treat me like a witless child with a penchant for delinquency, act so pure and demure made me want to jump with joy. Not because I found the situation cute or anything, but for more nefarious reasons. No, wait, retract that. That was a trashy thought for trashy people who liked NTR. I couldn't give them any fuel to add to their dumpster fires.

What was I thinking about? Oh, right, Tulle trying to raise flags with the emotional boulder that was Cranel. If my kami-sama were here, she'd be weeping. Best break up this event before the twin-tailed loli teleports behind me and rips out my spine for being so complacent. Seriously Cranel? I haven't even known you for more than a few weeks and you already have two women this madly into you? You really are the protagonist of this world, aren't you?

"Oi, Cranel." The only other member of the Hestia familia jumped when I called out to him. A pair of crimson eyes met my own as his head snapped over in my direction.

"A-Ah, Hikigaya-san!" When Cranel recovered from the initial shock, he bounded over to me in a way that reminded me of a puppy who missed its owner. The moment he reached me, he released on me that unwitting weapon of his. Thankfully, my cold, deader than dead heart kept me from being blown away. "You finally made it! When I saw that you weren't behind me, I thought that something bad might have happened."

Really? Wow. Well, thank you for being so concerned about my well being, Cranel. I could tell from your little exchange with Tulle earlier that my condition was really weighing heavy on your mind. I bet that smile earlier was really just a thinly-veiled mask to keep your true emotions hidden. Tch, you're naught but a Brutus in disguise! Or, even worse, a short-haired version of a certain, also white-haired, pretty boy military commander!

Of course, all those sarcastic thoughts never actually left my mouth. I knew better than to openly berate a guy like Cranel in front of one of his admirers. As they say, hell hath no fury like a woman whose crush you openly made fun of (source: Miura Yumiko).

Also, while I could count the number of weeks Cranel and I had known each other on a single hand, I did spend enough time around him to know that he wasn't the kind of main character to have alternative motives. Not for the sake of any moral standing or philosophy, or anything like that either, he was simply just too dim to have any. And so, I found that I could very reliably take his words at face value!

Still, I had to punish him somehow for rushing off as he did earlier. Had to rip that kind of behavior out of him before he ended up doing it in the Dungeon, or somewhere else equally as dangerous. So, instead of immediately responding, I just stared at my lone companion into the dungeon in complete silence. Just to make him squirm a little.

Unfortunately, it seemed that a certain Guild adviser caught wind of my plan to punish— I mean, train my familia, as, before I could even get a few seconds into said training, she raised a fist to her lips and cleared her throat.

"It's alright, Hikigaya-san." When I turned to look at my adviser, I found that she had her head angled slightly down and her left hand on the bridge of her glasses. Pushing up on it, she lifted the glare that obscured her deep green eyes. Hm… Nice try, Tulle, but you're nowhere as good at that shtick as you like to believe. 5/10 at best! Next time, if you're going to pull that card, please practice and make sure that you can get at least a 7/10. Thank you very much for listening to my critical criticism. "The first thing he did after he ran up to me — covered in blood, might I add — was worry about you. So, please don't hold that against him."

Yep, that sounds like the Bell Cranel I know. "So, did Cranel get to why he was covered in blood in the first place?"

"No, since he was dripping blood all over the place, I hadn't been able to ask him about that." After she said all that, I noticed Tulle take a quick breath in and out, before forcing the corners of her lips up to form a smile that looked very natural. "Though, he did mention something about the both of you going down to the fifth floor."

Body tensing, I shot a glare at my snow-haired compatriot, who was doing his best to not meet my gaze. Head turned away, eyes focused up toward the ceiling…. Hell, the only way the yappy bastard could look any more guilty right now was to start whistling.

"Did I not tell the two of you that you weren't ready to go down that far just yet?" When I turned my attention back onto Tulle, I found myself taking an instinctive step back at what I was seeing. Head tilted to the side ever so slightly and forced smile becoming wider without her lips moving somehow, purple squiggly lines appeared behind my adviser. Even with her eyes closed, I could tell that she was glaring at me. Oi, why are you acting like this was all my fault? Cranel never said 'no' to the idea! He was actually really excited about it! That makes this half his fault too, y'know! "Care to tell me where Bell-kun got the idea to do exactly the opposite of what I advised, Hikigaya-san?"

"Oh, uh…." Feeling a bead of sweat trickle down the side of my face, I turned my eyes away from Tulle, secretly hoping that a minotaur would burst in and do what it tried to do with Cranel to me but actually succeed.

"A-Ah, Tulle-san, please don't blame only Hikigaya-san!" Thankfully, I wasn't the only one who thought the blame was being distributed unfairly. The outburst caused the Guild employee to stagger and turn towards Cranel, who was already bowing his head. "The two of us were doing so well that I didn't think that going down that far would be dangerous! I'm sorry!"

I smirked as Tulle stared at the boy. Ha! With all your posturing, you forgot to take into account the chance of Cranel's unbearable honesty backfiring on you as well! Yes! Sigh tiredly! Find a silver platter and serve me my victory on it!

"That doesn't make me feel better at all…." The adviser began to massage the bridge of her nose as she cradled her elbow with her other arm. "What am I going to do with you two? Barely two weeks as adventurers and the two of you are already causing me more problems than some of my longer clients."

"Well, to be fair, we didn't expect to see a Minotaur on the fifth floor." Eyes finding their way to my left, those words ended up coming out of my mouth without much thought. "So, things probably would've went fine if that hadn't happened."

"Still, I had hoped that one would've known better— Wait, Minotaur?" I nodded in response to her shock. Wait, shit, did I accidentally pull a Cranel? "Bell-kun, Hikigaya-san, do you mind explaining to me what exactly happened to you two?"

…

The story itself wasn't something too complicated. Basically, Cranel and I went into the dungeon with the goal of reaching Floor 5. We got there and as we explored the floor, a Minotaur appeared and tried to pummel my party member into a fine pulp. It was really only by luck that two high-level adventurers came by and dealt with the thing before I had to go back to Hestia with the news of Cranel's death, which was naturally something I'd like to avoid as that would end up with my own and death by big-boobed loli goddess, while understandable for some, wasn't a way I wanted to go out. Still, the ease in which we told the story made Tulle become more and more exasperated with the story as we went on, which was probably the only good thing to come out of this situation.

"You two have to be the luckiest pair of adventurers I've ever met." Tulle let out a sigh as she massaged the bridge of her nose. Oi, why do you sound so displeased? Isn't the two of us being lucky a good thing? Are you trying to say that you'd rather us die?! What a bad adviser! "Do you know how many novice adventurers can say that they've run into a Minotaur and survived?"

"Not many?" I leaned further back into my seat as I offered Tulle my best guess. From the corner of my eye, I could see the corners of Cranel smile much as he did with the half-elf earlier. Huh, what's this? Has my only familia finally learned how to harness his powers over all female kind and abuse them to Hell and back for his own personal gain? Or, wait…. Could he have possibly thought my prod was funny? By kami-sama, there might be hope for you yet!

In response to such a ridiculously hilarious statement, a smirk threatened to break my stoic expression. I fought it down with every fiber of my being. It'd only interfere with Cranel's skill and negate any passive effects that it forced on Tulle, who already looked to be relenting to its power.

The guild employee's gaze remained scrutinizing for about ten seconds after the initial activation of the skill, but the cracks began to appear halfway in. Eventually, she shattered to pieces and folded like a house of cards during an earthquake. Her shoulders slumping signaled another victory for the Hestia familia. "I suppose that I should be grateful that my two newest clients made it out unharmed…."

I tried to capitalize on such easy prey, but whatever I was about to say died in my throat as Tulle's head snapped up like a bullet. The next instant, she was leveling another glare at both me and Cranel — a clear counter-offensive if I've ever seen one.

"Don't just think that I'm going to forget about you two blatantly ignoring my guidance, even if it didn't directly lead to what happened." She pointed a finger at me and then at Cranel, which caused both of us to lean back in our seats. "Do not go any further than the fifth floor, do you two understand me? I don't want to be the one to tell Hestia-sama that her only children were killed because they thought too highly of themselves."

I swallowed hard and nodded in resignation. A woman who thought herself scorned was dangerous, especially if that woman had close ties to the business that handled the entirety of your income, and I wasn't a big enough dumbass to think myself different. "F-Fine…."

Besides me, Bell yelped out the same sentiment, "Understood, Tulle-san!"

Our impromptu meeting with our Guild adviser ended with that and, for the second time that day, I felt as though Cranel and I had just barely escaped with our lives. At least my only familia was able to get some semblance of revenge by raising some flags with her before we left. I may not have had anything to do with it, but I still felt it to be a collective win.

Truly, I had to take whatever victories I could get.

…

"It's not like you to stew in silence like that, Cranel." I normally wasn't one to mind long, extended bouts of silence. Actually, being the loner I am, I preferred it. However, even I have a limit to how much awkwardness I could take and there was nothing more awkward than seeing someone not act like how they usually do. "If I noticed, then Hestia-sama isn't going to miss it either, and you and I both know she isn't going to ask as nicely as I did. So, it's best to just get it off your conscious now."

All that being said, the road that Cranel and I were walking down was far from sharing the same dynamic. Rather, it was painfully loud. Still, even amongst the chatter of what had to be hundreds of people flowing to and fro, the silence from one irritatingly loud idiot was what caught my attention. That really didn't mean much considering I was still me, but the point stands.

"A-Ah, it's nothing to worry about, Hikigaya-san." Since Cranel was trailing behind me ever so slightly, I couldn't actually see how he reacted, but by his tone, I could tell that he was scratching a part of his head. Probably his cheek or the back of it. Yeah, that seemed like a very appropriate reaction for a protagonist like him. "I was just thinking."

I snorted at my familia's transparency. 'Thinking'? Since when did you think about anything so heavily? "If you wanted me to stop worrying, that was an awful attempt."

I knew that if I wanted, I could just apply a little verbal pressure and get him to just come out with it, but I decided against it. There was no real point. A blind person could see what was bothering him from a kilometer away. And if that was the case, why waste time? Best to just nip this in the bud. Heh, that almost sounded cool, me.

"Don't waste energy worrying about stuff that's already happened. Just think about it. If you could go back and make a different decision, would doing so really change much at all? Or, are you just telling yourself that to make yourself feel better? Wasting time thinking about things you regret is pointless, so quit worrying about that minotaur attack and keep focused on the present."

"Oh, uh, that really wasn't—" Upon hearing him suddenly stop talking, I glanced over my shoulder back at Cranel to make sure he hadn't been abruptly kidnapped. Instead of finding him getting assaulted, he assaulted my eyes with the widest, brightest smile I've seen outside of the Totsuka Galaxy. Oi, no surprise attacks! That's way too unfair! "Actually, now that I think about it, that's really smart! I'll do my best to remember that. Thank you, Hikigaya-san!"

"Oi, what's with that surprise?" I'm fully capable of saying deep things, y'know? Also, what's with that hesitation? Did I misinterpret something there? …Eh, whatever. At the very least, Cranel seems to be back to his usual, annoying self, which means we can finally move on to more important things. "Anyways, what do you want for dinner tonight?"

"Dinner?" As per tradition, the albino's stomach let out a loud and audible growl after him saying that. I huffed bemusedly and turned my head back to its original, forward-facing position. Wouldn't want to accidentally bump into someone, me. That's how subplots are created. "R-Right! Wait, do we even have enough to buy anything? That minotaur attack—"

"—That minotaur attack made the day a wash." Keeping to my philosophy of eliminating unnecessary questions, I once again cut my only familia off. "There was no way we were going to hit our usual goal, so I decided to just forgo putting anything into our savings for today. Besides, I'd rather not eat cold croquettes for the fifth night in a row."

"But Hestia-sama works hard for those!"

"Did I ever say anything about not appreciating them?" If there was anything in the world I appreciated, it was food that I didn't have to work for. Even if I hated the food, I would still eat it just on that principle. Logically, that meant that there was no one in this world that appreciated Hestia-sama more than I did, so don't you ever ensue otherwise, Cranel. Such speak is blasphemy! "You might've learned to sustain yourself solely off gratitude, but I haven't, and I'm sure Hestia-sama hasn't too, so she'll probably appreciate the change of pace."

"Oh, you're right!" Of course, using his propensity for pleasing those he cares about was the best way to manipu— ahem, coerce the protagonist into agreeing with me. I didn't have any alternative motives, thought. I just wanted to eat. "We should go for something really good then, huh?"

"What did you have in mind, then?" Oi, Cranel, did you forget about the question that started this conversation? Why does it sound like you're trying to get me to make a decision here when I clearly had no idea in the first place?

"Um… What do you think we should get, Hikigaya-san? I don't really know what kind of food Hestia-sama likes eating."

I clicked my tongue against the back of my teeth. I didn't know what she liked to eat either.

…

Stop.

Naturally, there were a lot of differences between my old world and my current one - one such difference being the standard of education.

Having come from modern-day Japan, it shouldn't surprise anyone that I was much more educated than most people here in Orario, where things were much more akin to the Italian Renaissance in terms of education. The more well-off you were, the more likely you were to receive an education. The problem arising when you took in the fact that the majority of the people living here didn't even come close.

If this were your standard light novel, I would use this difference in education to create world-shaking inventions like guns or steam engines, or whatever. Unfortunately, I was far too standard a teenager to achieve anything of that nature. Sure, I got into the most selective high school in my city and ranked top three in Japanese, but I was admittedly pretty abysmal at subjects like math and science. At most I could explain certain concepts to people, like how a bullet is just a metal ball being propelled down a tube by a contained explosion, but I had no idea how to make gunpowder or what could even serve as appropriate replacement, so the point was already moot. As per usual, a good concept might as well be a fever dream when you had no way to execute it.

That being said, despite how shitty I was at math and science in my old universe, I still generally had a leg up on almost everyone here in Orario. Meaning that, despite one of them being a literal God, I was still somehow better at those subjects than the rest of my familia.

Typically, I would jump at the chance to lord my mental superiority over others, but my relative competency ended up backfiring, as it made me the leading candidate to handle all of the familia's finances - a fact that filled me with large amounts of existential dread as it meant I had to do more work. That work wasn't exceptionally difficult, but work was work and to work was to lose. No exceptions.

A big part of that work was budgeting. In concept, all budgets consisted of two major things: income and expenses. The Hestia familia had two sources of the first. Hestia-sama herself got paid a steady wage working at a stand that sold street food and got bonuses based on how much product was sold in a day, although those bonuses more often than not came in the form of surplus food to take home. Cranel and I were adventurers, so our income came solely from collecting monster crystals. We had a larger earning potential than our kami and so, even in our novice states, we typically made more than her in a day if we spent it efficiently.

However, all of that was before I factored in our expenses, which never failed to make me understand why my corporate slave parents always seemed like they were two steps away from death. First came the expenses that couldn't be avoided, like the small percentage that the guild took off me and Cranel's earnings every time we turned our crystals in for "processing and services," which basically meant that we were paying for Tulle's lectures and the cost of the novice equipment they provided us with. Fortunately, due to the lack of an actual government in Orario, and the fact that we lived in the basement of a rundown church gifted to Hestia-sama by one of her God friends, I didn't have to factor in things like taxes and rent. Unfortunately, since that was the case, there was no excuse not to be fiscally responsible and put almost all of our adventuring money into our respective savings accounts for the future. On a normal day, that left a very small percentage to be spent on things like food. Go.

Thankfully, today wasn't a normal day, so I had a much larger budget to work with!

"Ah, are you sure about that Hikigaya-san? Don't those carrots look kinda… weird?"

"That's the point, Cranel." Technically, one could spend their money on food in one of two ways: paying someone to make you food or buying the ingredients and making the food yourself. Both options had their pros and cons, and Cranel and I were currently dealing with one of the cons of the latter. "The weirder the food looks, the cheaper we can get it. It's still a carrot, isn't it?"

That, however, didn't mean we had a lot of money to work with.

Buying all of the ingredients and cooking the food yourself only made sense because it was almost always the cheaper option. The moment that stopped being the case, there was no good reason to not just have someone make it for you. Health? Ha! Joke's on you. I may have only become an adventurer two weeks ago, but this tattoo on my back still made my constitution superhuman, so making unhealthy decisions hardly mattered to me. The only thing that mattered in this scenario was spending as little money as possible!

Of course, since I was in charge of the Hestia familia finances, I made it a point to do just that, even if we're technically trying to treat ourselves. A lot of money was saved keeping to our diet of solely cold potato croquettes. There was no reason to disgrace that effort by blowing it all at once splurging.

"That makes a lot of sense!" I raised an eyebrow at Cranel, who stared at me with wide red eyes that were filled with wonder. It made me feel like I just bestowed some profound knowledge on him, so I couldn't help smirking a bit. "I'll look for more weird carrots then."

"We only needed the two carrots so don't bother." Cranel's shoulders slumped at that, almost as if he would've been happy to do the work. Aren't you only a year younger than me? So, why are you acting like a bored child stuck at the grocery store? "We are going to need a couple of onions, though, so if you could get those—"

"—Understood, Hikigaya-san!" As if to prove my point, Cranel gave me an energy-filled salute before dashing off to complete his mission. Go, my albino familia member! Go! Beware of all shady con men and honey-tongued women, they'll take advantage of your naive heart and rid your pockets of any valis. Wait, dammit, that sounded like advice my dad would give me. I now hate this entire situation.

Shaking off the shame I felt at my own uselessness, I quickly paid for the two carrots in my hand and threw it into the basket in my hand. Inside was all the ingredients I needed to make curry, the one thing that I could cook pretty well. Beef, butter, carrots, and all of the stuff needed to make a roux since curry sauce packs didn't exist yet. The only things left on my list were potatoes, onions, and rice. Hestia-sama was probably going to bring back potato croquettes from her job again, so a few valis could be saved by using those, and Cranel was going to get the onions, which just leaves the rice…. Stop.

Scanning the numerous food stalls around me, my eyes searched for the final ingredient on my list. It took a moment or two given all of the other people creating outside stimuli, but eventually, I found what I was looking for on the other end of the row of stalls I was on. With a quick 'go', I started to make my way over to it.

As I approached the stand, I couldn't help but make a note of a few things. The first thing I noticed was how rice centric it was. Burlap sacks lined every inch of the wood counter and the ground in front of it, all of which being filled with varying types of rice. The second thing was the fact that it probably didn't get much business. From the fact that the sacks were all mostly full to how the brown-haired woman manning it was too busy staring off into space to notice my approach, they all pointed towards that conclusion. Though, now that I think about it, the latter might've played a part in that. Either way, I didn't care. Lack of business meant desperation and desperation would ensure I'd get a decent price, and that was always better than quality customer service.

I raised a fist up to my mouth and loudly cleared my throat as I stepped in front of the stall. The vendor, who shall now be dubbed rice seller-chan, jumped and let out a loud yelp as she snapped herself straight. I watched her brown eyes shoot in every direction before they finally settled on me.

"O-Oh, a customer!" I couldn't help but raise an eyebrow at that. Who else were you expecting, rice seller-chan? "I thought you were my father there for a second. How can I help you, sir?"

Huh? What was that? Are you some sort of esper, rice seller-chan? Wait, if that's the case, I probably shouldn't have thought. Or that. Or at all really.

"How much would three bowl-fulls of white rice cost me?"

…

Of course, the rest of the interaction couldn't go as tediously mundane. It started off well enough. Rice seller-chan told me the price of the rice and I found it agreeable (although, I mainly only did so because I was tired and didn't want to check other seller's prices), and she began the process of getting what I needed, which was where she went to go get a container to put the rice in and found that she had none.

She apologized profusely and asked me to wait while she ran home to get some, even offering to give me a discount for the inconvenience. I, being the pure-blooded Japanese man that I was, told her that much wasn't necessary and that I'd wait for her, despite the inconvenience. Besides, leaving to go find another rice vendor wasn't really an option since I was sure Cranel would come back here once he got the onions. It'd just make things more complicated in the long run, so I capitulated.

Rice seller-chan thanked me again as she hurriedly slipped her apron off and then ran off, leaving me to watch her and let out a sigh.

Now, for the millionth time since I first woke up in this world, I found myself lamenting the fact that I didn't have my phone. Not that I expected it to turn me into an all-powerful god-king or whatever, but it would be nice to have for moments like this. Just to alleviate the boredom that came with not having it. I could probably try and start carrying around a small book just to fulfill that duty, but that would be a luxury expense and a recurring one at that, so I would have to hold off on doing that for a while.

For that reason, and I could feel my inner loner dying as I thought this, I was starting to miss Cranel. Sure, he could be loud and annoying, but at the very least, he would be loud and annoying enough to distract me from my boredom. Is this why riajuu spent so much time and energy talking? If so, how incredibly sad. I've spent my entire life hating riajuu, but I should have been pitying them this entire time—

"That was really kind of you to do."

Oi, random stranger-kun, you know what's not a nice thing to do? Sneaking up on people and scaring them. And no, I wasn't only saying that because it made me jump. Nope, I didn't jump at all. I was just speaking generally—

"Takemikazuchi-sama, how many times do I have to remind you to refrain from walking up to people like that? All you end up doing is frightening them."

…Goddammit. At least I didn't scream or anything like that. That would've been way too been embarrass— Wait, did random stranger-chan say 'Takemikazuchi-sama'?

Being relatively well-versed in Japanese history and mythology, the name Takemikazuchi struck a chord with me immediately. That being said, I knew better than to expect this world's version of the thunder god to be anything like the one from my own. Hestia-sama taught me that lesson, although not intentionally. The gods of this world didn't adhere to any sort of historical accuracy. No, any and all deities had to first be filtered through the "creative" lens of the light novel author.

What do you mean that Hestia, the Greek goddess of hearth and home, has never been depicted as a big-boobed loli girl with twin-tails and a ribbon holding up said big boobs? What a poor, naive fool you are. While you are technically correct, that means nothing in the eyes of the most degenerate branch of the Japanese populace, who light novels are mostly meant for. Everything has to be anime-fied. Everything. Animals, famous figures in history, old WW2 battleships…. Hell, some of the worst of us have even anime-fied deadly diseases and bloodthirsty dictators who've killed millions!

By that standard, brazenly misrepresenting ancient deities was far from the worst thing ever done for the sake of the anime aesthetic. So, that's why, when I turned to face this world's version of Takemikazuchi, I wasn't at all surprised to find a riajuu pretty boy giving me a warm smile.

Well, at least he hasn't been magically turned into a girl.

---

Interlude At the Last Second, Yamato Mikoto Sees Something Worth Seeing.

…

I knew Orario was different from the moment I first stepped into it. The city felt entirely different from any other that I've been in during my short life. Movement was constant on its streets and it felt like if I closed my eyes for even a moment, ten would be stolen away from me. I didn't like it. When I first told Takemikazuchi-sama of my dislike for this place, he called the feeling 'homesickness' and assured me that I would adjust to my surroundings with time.

That had been over two years ago and I still couldn't call this city home. Its streets still made me feel like a stationary stone caught in the waters of a raging river. Since then, I've gotten better at hiding my discomfort, but I doubt that I would ever feel truly comfortable in the world's center. To me, home was still located far, far east from here.

I could've lamented that fact every day of my life, but instead, I took comfort in the pieces of home that accompanied me here. Takemikazuchi-sama, Ouka, and Chisuga. They were both my reasoning and strength, a constant reminder of home and why I was here to begin with. They were my medicine for this 'homesickness' that my kami-sama diagnosed me with.

Of course, I wasn't the only member of my familia who felt that way. We all had our ways to cope with these feelings of longing and discomfort, even Takemikazuchi-sama. He did so by surrounding himself with things from our homeland. That, however, fed into a rather tiring habit of his.

"That was really kind of you to do." Unsurprisingly, the boy that Takemikazuchi-sama chose to approach from out of the blue startled from the sudden greeting.

I sighed at that. Being as friendly as he was, my kami-sama probably didn't see any problem with the act. He was of the mindset that if there was someone he wanted to talk to, he would just walk up and talk to them. If he were anything other than a kami, that mindset would've been disconcerting and dangerous, but seeing as he was, there wasn't much that I could do other than remind him of his folly.

"Takemikazuchi-sama, how many times do I have to remind you to refrain from walking up to people like that?" I crossed my arms over my chest as I voiced my frustrations. "All you ever end up doing is frightening them."

As per usual, Takemikazuchi-sama ignored me, which made me even more exasperated. I knew better than to assume that he did so with any malice, but that didn't make it any less frustrating.

The boy that my kami-sama startled turned to face him and the moment I saw his face, I realized what had drawn the kami to him in the first place.

"Ah, so my eyes didn't fail me. You come from the East as well, don't you?" Bluntly as ever, Takemikazuchi-sama spoke out loud my assumptions. "Tell me, were you born here or did you travel here like we did?"

"Um…." Like a stray cat unused to human contact, the boy's tiny grey eyes darted between me and my kami-sama for several moments. His entire body was tense and radiating discomfort, almost as if any sudden movement would make him bolt down the street and into an alley for safety. I took this moment to take in his appearance more thoroughly, as with the number of people roaming the streets I hadn't been able to do so before Takemikazuchi-sama approached him suddenly.

Just as my kami-sama said, the boy did share many of the features associated with our countrymen, so much so that I was initially tempted to call him very plain looking. That changed the longer that my eyes rested on him, however. He reminded me of an expertly sharpened kitchen knife. Unassuming due to the familiarity, but still something to be wary of.

That energy radiated off almost every part of him. His face acted like the knife's belly, where it was technically less dangerous by nature, but immediately one's eyes skipped over it and were drawn towards the fineness of his jaw, or rather, the edge that framed the belly. And just like with an actual blade, all of that led up to its tip, which was represented by his eyes. Dark, sharp, and tiny; they existed merely as reproachful black dots in seas of white and were by far the most eye-catching part of him. I would've assumed him a neerdowell if not for his hair, which was unkempt, black, and fell right above his eyes, serving as a good buffer for their sharpness.

Yes, like a kitchen knife was a good way to describe the boy before me.

"The latter." When the boy finally broke his silence, he did so with great caution, almost as if a single wrong word would lead to his immediate death. Hearing the distrust in his voice made my brow twitch, but I could not truly blame him. Takemikazuchi-sama and I were strangers to him - strangers who approached him in the market for seemingly no reason. I would probably feel the same in his shoes.

"Oh, a kindred spirit then?" Takemikazuchi-sama, being as socially oblivious as he was friendly, completely ignored the boy's obvious discomfort and continued on as if nothing was wrong. "How long have you been in Orario?"

Once again, the boy opted to not answer immediately and chose to blankly stare at the kami, before eventually shaking his head and letting out a sigh. "You're really not going to let this go, huh? I've only been in the city for a few weeks."

"A newcomer then? Well, if no one's done so already, allow me to welcome you to Orario." Takemikazuchi-sama laughed sheepishly. "Ah, look at me! My familia and I have only been in this city for two years ourselves, so I don't really believe myself qualified to do so."

"Thanks?"

"Ah, how rude of me. I just realized that I never gave a formal introduction." As per tradition, my kami-sama bowed his head in greeting, which prompted me to do the same. "My name is Takemikazuchi and this girl with me is one of my precious children, Mikoto Yamato. Please take care of us."

Seeing no reason to add on myself, I straightened myself and took immediate note of the boy's discomfort. It wasn't the same as it was earlier, where he seemed like he was doing everything in his power to get us away from him. Now, instead of reproach, it seemed more akin to embarrassment, which was at least an improvement.

"Hikigaya Hachiman." Shifting where he stood, the boy averted his gaze towards the rice stand next to us. I couldn't help but feel a little amused watching him. It seems that my earlier assessment of him was rather off base. "It's, uh, nice to meet you."

"Oh, that's a name I've heard before! Are you not Hestia's new child? She's told me a lot about you."

Hikigaya frowned and raised a brow at the question. "You two know each other?"

"Yes, we're good friends actually. I was really happy to hear that she was finally able to find people to join her familia." Ah, right, I remember Takemikazuchi-sama talking about this. How Hestia-sama was having trouble finding people to join her familia, which while sad was to be expected from a goddess of her status, or lack thereof. Wait, doesn't that mean that Hikigaya-san is an adventurer? "Thank you for taking a chance on a goddess such as her."

"That's not really…." Once again, Hikigaya squirmed where he stood. Just like most of our kinsmen, it seemed that he too had trouble dealing with praise. "It's not like kami were throwing themselves at me to join their familia either, so it's not like I had much of a choice."

"Still, it made her very happy, especially since you were the one to—"

"—Ah, customer-san, I'm back!" Before my kami-sama could finish speaking, a familiar voice called out to us and drew our attention. I turned to face where it was coming from and was immediately taken aback to see Yoneya Daini, the rice stand's owner's daughter, running towards us with her arms full with a wooden crate. She stopped when her eyes fell upon me and my kami-sama. "Yamato-chan and Takemikazuchi-sama? Ah, are you two here to buy rice as well?"

Hikigaya opened his mouth, but Takemikazuchi-sama spoke before he could. "Oh, Yoneya-chan!" I frowned at how the kami smiled at the girl. "It's great to see you again." My frown deepened at the pink that dusted her cheeks, as it always did. "Please don't mind us for now. We can speak after you finish tending to Hikigaya-kun."

"Hikigaya-kun?" Yoneya-chan gave my kami-sama a confused look before glancing at the aforementioned boy, who had been doing the same, and jumping in realization. "Oh, right! Customer-san! It was three bowls of rice, correct?"

Hikigaya's gaze lingered on my kami-sama before he turned to face Yoneya and nodded. At that, the girl shot back behind the counter and got to work. I thought that would be the end of things for the time being, but as she scooped rice out of the sack, she began to speak to Takemikazuchi-sama. He tried to deny her that, but she waved off his worries and assured him that she was 'very good at multitasking.'

I crossed my arms and rolled my eyes at that. How unprofessional….

"Well, if you insist." Unfortunately, as always, Takemikazuchi-sama was more than happy to oblige. "How has your father been doing? Is he still ill?"

Yoneya's face suddenly fell at that, which told me that my kami-sama had unexpectedly stepped on a trap. "Oh, he's been getting better." She poured the last bowl of Hikigaya's order into a sack and tied it closed with a length of twine. "Although, we're going to run out of his medicine soon and business has been slow." She put the sack onto the counter with a frustrated sigh. "I'm sure not having some for a little isn't going to kill him, but it'd be nice if he got better sooner. I'm perfectly alright at running this stand, but I don't have the pull with our suppliers that he does. He knew the best ways to get them to drop their prices."

Hearing Yoneya's story made me clench my fists so hard that I was worried that my nails would dig through the leather of my gloves. I would've liked to say that I believed her completely; that I felt pity for her and wanted to help her with all my heart; that the anger rising within me was aimed towards those who'd be despicable enough to take advantage of her in such a dire situation. However, that wasn't the case at all. My anger was directed at the sinkhole that opened up inside me. The one borne from the small part of me that couldn't help but question the validity of her story, even when I knew that I had no reason to do so.

"I'm very sorry to hear that." Takemikazuchi-sama had no problem believing the rice vendor and the pit in my stomach grow even deeper. Coming down from heaven, the kami didn't have many powers, but one of the few they did have was the ability to tell if people are lying to them. "If there's anything I can do to help, please do not hesitate in telling me."

"Oh no, there's no need, Takemikazuchi-sama!" Yoneya raised her hands up to wave off my kami-sama's concerns. "We'll find a way to get through this. My dad and I always do!" She smiled and I felt despicable. "I do appreciate the gesture, though."

"…There must be something we can do." My mouth moved faster than my mind could stop it. It moved to satiate my guilt, not my kindness. My head sunk. I didn't deserve the right.

"Again, thank you, but my father and I will be alright. You two continuing to be customers does more than enough— Oh wait, Hikigaya-san!" Eyes closed, Yoneya turned towards the boy and let out a sheepish chuckle, her hand reaching out to the sack with his order in it. "I'm sorry for making you wait. I got completely caught up…."

I became confused when Yoneya suddenly stopped speaking. Her reason for doing so became readily apparent when I turned towards Hikigaya and found him gone. My mind raced to understand how he managed to sneak away without notice, but then my earlier assessment of him came to mind and I quickly pieced things together. Checking the counter to confirm my suspicions, I found that I had once again assumed wrong, though this time not entirely.

The bag of rice that Hikigaya had been waiting for was gone, but in its place was a stack of coins that were worth far more than three bowls of rice.

---

Once upon a few months ago, my old homeroom teacher, Hiratsuka Shizuka, once asked the class to fill out a flyer that would help the school get a better grasp of what career we wanted to pursue once we graduated. Being the optimistic and hopeful person that I am (lol), I put down 'house husbandry' as my dream career, believing it to be the best way to avoid the ever-present and looming danger of corporate slavery. Plus, it came with the added bonus of pissing off Hiratsuka-sensei and that never got old, even though getting punched in the stomach did.

The pain from said punches would always make me momentarily loathe past Hachiman for opening up about his hopes and dreams like an idiot, and even now, a whole universe away from Hiratsuka-sensei and her rocket fists, I still found myself cursing past me. The only difference was the person doing the punching. Their name? A cruel mistress known as 'Reality.'

House husbandry sucked. It's shit. A blatant scam. 0/10, would never use to piss off my homeroom teacher again.

My reasoning for this sudden change in stance? The logic behind it was actually very simple. A lot of work went into doing what a house husband does, doing any work meant losing, and losing always sucked. Hence, my earlier statement.

Granted, to be fair to house husbandry and my past self, the thought that I would have to fulfill the duties associated with the job, such as cooking, after spending several grueling hours killing monsters in a dungeon never occurred to me. Then again, how could it?

Bah, whatever…. I didn't want to think about it any further, so I shifted my focus back to the scene around me.

"I-Is something wrong, Hikigaya-san?" The bright-eyed and bushy-tailed main character stutters out in concern. His face shows clear worry and the camera is zoomed in on it to avoid showing the audience what he's talking about, but comedic music is playing in the background so the audience knows that nothing seriously bad is happening.

"No." The camera then pans over to the face of the main character's dead-eyed and ever downtrodden party member, who the audience can tell is clearly lying and something is, in fact, bothering him. "Why would you say that?"

"You poked at that piece of firewood really hard." Cue zoom out to reveal the full scene.

Bell Cranel, your standard light novel protagonist, and Hikigaya Hachiman, the antithetical secondary protagonist who is meant to contrast the overly bright personality of the former, are both back in the ruined top level of their abandoned church home. In front of them is a fire with a large, beat-up metal pot sitting a few feet over it. The former is carrying a bundle of firewood, meaning to add it to the pile sitting next to the latter, who is sitting crouched in front of the fire and poking at it with a stick.

One is gloomy because of a dark thought from their past, the other is worried because of said gloom. Blah, blah, blah. This scene is so cliche that I don't even need to think hard to imagine it. How sickening.

"I was trying to kill the flame a bit." Not really caring to play along with the bit only I was aware of, I gave my familia a somewhat truthful answer and continued to poke at the wood until I accomplished my goal. "Water needs to be simmering."

"'Simmering'?" Ah, right. I forgot that Cranel's never had to cook a thing in his life. A part of me wanted to criticize him for being so irresponsible, but I wasn't much better on that front either. I didn't know how to cook at all outside of scrambled eggs and curry, and I had only ever learned to cook those two because Komachi, my little sister, was too young to learn and corporate slave parents couldn't feed you when they were never home. The day Komachi started to learn to cook, I decided my efforts were no longer necessary and hung up my apron for good. Besides, she was far better at it anyways. Ah, I bet that earned me a bunch of Komachi points~! "What's that?"

I stood up and used the stick in my hand to tap the lid of the pot. "You see how it's bubbling a lot less now? That's simmering. We have to leave it like this until all the vegetables are cooked."

"Oh, alright…." The news that eating would have to wait even further must've frustrated Cranel's stomach, as it growled loudly after hearing it. Its owner let out an embarrassed chuckle and started to scratch at his cheek. "H-How much longer until it's done?"

Scoffing, I turned my head to face Cranel. "Shouldn't be much longer. At the very least, Hestia-sama should be back before it's—"

"—Why is there smoke coming from our roof?!" With an all too familiar yell, the doors to the Hestia familia's home were forced opened with a loud, strained creak that meant that they were hardly being opened at all. I didn't need to glance over to know who it was, but I did so anyway. Speak of the big-boobed loli goddess and she shall appear, I guess. "Did something happen? Was there a fire? Are you two alright?"

Turning to face said doors, I found the namesake of our familia trying and struggling to squeeze through a gap in the giant slabs of wood, the biggest obstacles in her way being a blanket-covered basket of potato croquettes and her namesakes.

"Oh, Hestia-sama, you're back!" Cranel, being Cranel, didn't hesitate in running over to provide our kami aid and I, knowing my familia's archetype well enough, decided to not bother and conserve energy. One might call my actions uncouth, lazy, and ungentlemanly, but in reality, I was just— "Everything's alright! Hikigaya-san and I were just cooking dinner—"

Before either Cranel or I could finish our respective thoughts, we were interrupted by a flag being raised. Not literally, of course. More in the fashion of a big-boobed loli goddess falling forwards and tumbling into the albino teen, somehow managing to knock him over despite him being an adventurer with a falna and her being a full 30 centimeters shorter than us. Once again, the power of phys-tits really trumped all. Even logic and actual physics.

What resulted was yet another reason for me to believe that Cranel was this story's main protagonist. Only the main protagonist could move to help a girl and inexplicably end up with a face full of fanservice, and live to tell the tale. A part of me wanted to feel envious, but a smarter part of me reminded myself of the fact that no such leeway would be given to me if our positions were switched.

Instead, I let out a sigh and trudged over to my fallen familia. By the time I reached them, they had recovered enough to realize their positions and panic. Correction, Cranel was panicking. Hestia-sama, on the other hand, smiled so wide and perverse that it'd make an ugly bastard worry.

Oi, Hestia-sama, please stop smiling like that. You're making me question the form of media this world resides in. If my worries are confirmed, please understand that I won't hesitate to throw myself off a cliff out of shame and fear. Thank you for listening.

All of that mental admonishing would, however, fall on deaf ears because when Hestia-sama finally noticed my presence looming over her, she simply gave me a cheeky thumbs up. I rolled my eyes at that and reached my hand down towards her, but instead of taking it, she just stared at if the concept of a hand was something alien to her.

"Eh?" Oi, what's with that confusion? You're acting like its entirely out of my nature to do something like this. Do you think that badly of me, Hestia-sama? I'm pretty sure that's grounds for me to claim workplace abuse, y'know?

"What do you mean 'eh'? I'm trying to help you up. Just take it." Not wanting to look at my abuser any longer, I turned my head away from her. "Cranel's going to suffocate if you smother him like that for much longer."

In response to that, Hestia-sama let out a 'fufufu' so haughty that it made me consider outright rescinding my offer. I chose not to, as I knew that it would ultimately prove her point, but the thought remained at the back of my mind, even as she took my hand in her own.

"Oho, what's this? Hachi-kun is finally treating his kami like he should? I'm gone for a few hours and my wayward child has grown this much? To miss such development! I'm such a bad kami-sama!" Ha, nice try, but if you're gonna do that bit, you're gonna have to use it on someone who isn't a seasoned big brother. Plus, Komachi was much better at it than you anyways. "You're already insulting me in your head?!"

"Nope," I lied and turned to make my way back to the pot of simmering curry behind me, knowing full well that she could tell that I was lying. "You still alive, Cranel?"

"I-I'm okay, Hikigaya-san!" Cranel's response gave me enough pause to actually stop and glance back to check on him. Normally, after a fanservice scene like that, the protagonist would be sounding dumber than a rock, slurring his words together and just plain acting like he saw the true face of God. Instead, Cranel was having a coughing fit, almost as if he was more concerned over not being able to breathe than he was getting a face full of plot! He didn't even have the decency to look flustered! What type of light novel protagonist are you?! "Thank you for asking."

"Oh, so that's what that smoke coming from the roof was?" Hestia-sama asked, her voice making me blink like an owl as it was no longer coming from where it was. "You two were cooking something?" Putting one and two together, I turned towards the fire and found that the kami had at some point made her way over to it, now looking down into the pot to study its contents. She needed to be on the tips of her toes to do so. That made me want to laugh. "Oh, I've seen this before! It's called curry, right?"

"Yeah, it was Hikigaya-san's idea." Having stood himself up and next to me at some point, Cranel answered our kami's question. Oi, what are you doing answering for me, Cranel? I swear, you better follow up with something good if you want to eat tonight. "He thought you'd appreciate the change of pace."

…Huh. Good job, Cranel. You actually managed to avoid saying something that'd get us in trouble. I totally thought you'd—

"Aww, my children are so thoughtful!" Moving faster than a speeding bullet, Hestia-sama was upon the two of us in a blink of an eye, wrapping her arms around our midsections as she threw herself into us. Earlier, the albino was unable to withstand the sheer kinetic force of the big-boobed loli, but with two of us to share the load, we were able to remain standing. "Working hard in the dungeon all day and then taking the time to surprise me with dinner! I have to be the luckiest kami-sama in the world."

One might assume that hearing my kami's praise would make me feel guilty, as I had only really brought up the idea of cooking for selfish reasons, but that wasn't the case at all! If anything, I actually felt quite relieved. Things were going much better than I first thought they would. Knowing what type of character Cranel was, I had fully expected him to have let slip about the minotaur attack by now, which would've led to yet another lecture that I didn't want to sit through, but by some miracle, he hadn't done so yet!

It seems that you have some self-preservation instincts after all, Cranel! That thought came as a surprise, to be sure, but a welcome one (lol). We may actually be able to get our stats updated without having to talk about—

"Well, actually, about that, Hestia-sama…." …Goddammit, Cranel.

…

When Cranel told Hestia-sama of our run in with the minotaur, I expected the worst to come out of it would be a lecture. That, however, turned out to be an extreme underestimation of how terrifying my kami-sama could be when she wanted. She wasn't the Greek goddess of home and hearth, she was a monster - a monster in a skimpy dress!

"Mou…." Hestia-sama, please stop. I understand that you're mad at me, but could be mad at me after you finish updating my stats? A teenage boy can't have a fanservice character such as yourself sitting on his exposed back for this long. It's just not healthy! "Mou…."

Every second that I spent under my kami felt like its own eternity, and for each one of those eternities, I had to fight to keep from squirming. Squirming would only lead to her shifting and her shifting would lead to me noticing how soft her thighs— Stop it, brain! You are doing the exact opposite of helping!

One might assume that at this point, after having to have this song and dance happen almost every day for about two weeks, I should be somewhat used to this. And really, what was she even doing outside of making that noise and sitting on my back?

To address the first point, I'm a loner for crying out loud. I spent my entire life being a loner. The last time someone outside my family touched me this much was when Yuigahama fixed my hair and I felt horribly uncomfortable then! Of course having a literal goddess straddling my back would lead to such an adverse reaction.

In regards to that second point, the fact that she was making the noise at all told me that she was doing so with a purpose. Every other time she's updated my stats, there wouldn't be a single sound made. She would update my stats and I would lie there until she was done, and thankfully that's all that would ever happen, so her making that noise over and over again could only mean that I was right. She's doing all of this to make me suffer! There couldn't be any other reason!

Truly, my kami was a cruel, cruel mistress.

"Mou…" I let out a relieved sigh the moment I felt the piece of paper stuck to my back get peeled off, as it signalled that my torture was finally coming to an end. Haha, you thought that much could break me, woman? You dare look down on the resilience of a seasoned loner, such as I? How dare you? My entire life is spent feeling uncomfortable around others! "There, I'm finished."

Relief flooded me when I heard those words come out of her mouth, but as I tried to push myself up, I realized that I wasn't free from my chains quite yet.

"…"

"…"

"Hestia-sama…?"

"Hm? Did you want something, Hikigaya-kun?"

"I thought you said that you were finished?"

"Hmph, I am finished. Weren't you listening to me?"

"Then, shouldn't you be getting off of me right about now?"

Our last exchange was a familiar one. It's one I've seen play out in several anime, manga, and light novels alike. Usually, it was backed with light-hearted music and was meant to be humorous, as to break up tension that existed between two characters who were clearly at odds.

Knowing that, naturally, my first instinct was to push the conversation down a similar road. However, I failed to take one thing into account, or rather, it had been staring me in the face ever since I first woke up in Orario and I just never took it seriously until now.

There was no music playing in the background to mask how incredibly awkward things were. Hestia-sama couldn't be drawn as a chibi, moe-blob to buffer how mad she actually was. All that existed in this room were two things: a goddess who had been wronged and the one who wronged her, desperately trying to escape the guilt that would make him face the thought that lurked at the back of his mind.

Just because the world around me seemed like something out of a light novel, that didn't mean that I actually existed in one.

No matter how much they embodied the character tropes I was so familiar with, Hestia and all those around me were still real people with actual emotions, and when real people were actually angry, things like this couldn't be blown over with a shitty comedy bit.

Fortunately, being a real-life person myself, I wasn't unused to situations like this.

Back in my old world, I had found myself at the center of many of them, usually with Komachi. I knew how to fix situations like this. Each and every time something like this happened, the solution would always be the same: I needed to admit my mistake, apologize, and talk things out to try and find some sort of conclusion.

That being said, it did make me question why I should even bother. It's not like I was obligated to do so and, while I was somewhat at fault for Cranel and I even being in a position to get attacked, it was by no means actually my fault.

By all means, I could just force Hestia-sama off me and end the conversation right there, but then again, what would I achieve by doing that? She and I lived under the same roof, in the same room and until that changed, it'd be easier for me to just get this over and done with now.

Besides, this was all starting to feel way too familiar….

Taking in a deep breath through my nose, I turned my head to my left so that I was facing the couch's back and did what I needed.

"Look, I'm sorry, alright?" The apology left my mouth more strained than I would've preferred, but then again, it's not like I wanted to be doing this in the first place. "I shouldn't have tried to hide what happened earlier from you."

"Eh?" 'Eh?' Again with the 'eh'? This is the second time we've done this bit today! "Hachi-kun actually apologized?"

Clicking my tongue in annoyance, I made a makeshift pillow out of my arms and buried my head into it, hoping that I would be able to smother myself in it. I knew that I couldn't, but that wouldn't stop me from trying. "I know how to apologize when I do something stupid, y'know? Please don't lump me in with stubborn idiots like Cranel, like that ever again, kami-sama. You'll hurt my feelings."

"You're the stubborn idiot here!" There was a huff and suddenly the weight on my back disappeared, allowing me to finally sit up. Almost immediately as I did so, something small and pale appeared from out of the corner of my eye. I turned towards it and felt something hit me right between the eyes, making me flinch back. "At least Bell-kun has the sense to mention that he was almost killed by a minotaur today!"

Rubbing the spot in which I was hit with the palm of my hand, I glared at the tiny kami kneeling on the couch cushion next to me, who glared right back at me with the poutiest of all pouts splitting her face.

I had just been flicked.

Fortunately, it didn't hurt at all thanks to the tattoo on my back, but that did not and would not stop me from being annoyed! The principle of things demanded it!

Still, I kept any and all grumbling to myself, knowing full well that I was in no position to protest Hestia-sama's punishment for my idiocy.

Seeing that I would offer no retort to her cruel and unusual punishment, the scantily-clad goddess let out another huff and plopped herself down right where she knelt, eyes closed and arms crossed. "Look, I understand your reason for not wanting to tell me, but I'm your kami-sama! You should feel comfortable enough to tell me these things. I may worry about you two a lot, but I can handle it!"

"'My reasons?'" Her tone elicited both confusion and a bit of disgust within me. "When did I ever—?"

"—It's just like how I said, I'm your kami-sama!" Before I could even realize that I was looking away from Hestia-sama, the sudden interruption ripped my attention back towards her. "And you're my child. Because of that, I'll always understand you much better than you'll ever know."

Given her divine status and the fact that I was still unsure of what abilities her kind actually possessed, I found it hard to outright dismiss the claim, but that didn't mean that I believed it. The only person that could even kinda make a claim like that was Komachi and I've known her for fourteen years. I've known Hestia-sama for what? Two-plus weeks maybe? So, forgive me for being somewhat skeptical, my dear kami-sama, but I currently think you're full of shit.

"Plus, you may like to think that your dark and mysterious persona of yours is impossible to crack, but you're much easier to figure out than you'd like to think." As she spoke, the kami did the impossible and made herself seem even smugger than she was before. How? She put her hands on her hips, which seemed simple in concept, but was very effective in execution.

I snorted and turned away from the ball of concentrated smug sitting next to me, coming back with the most concise and damning response I could think of, "You think you have me figured out? I'll have you know that if I had a valis for every time someone called me weird, I'd be as rich as all of the top familia combined. And being weird is basically the same as being perplexing, which, by default, means that I'm an extremely hard person to understand."

In response to my damning counter, all Hestia-sama could do was sit in silence (although I could feel her glaring daggers into the back of my head), which I took to mean as a victory for myself. Silence was basically the same as giving up, after all. Ha! Yet another person falls to the insurmountable logic of Hikigaya Hachiman, king of the loners!

"I seriously can't believe that you think that between the two of you, Bell-kun is the stubborn idiot." Oi, that's cheating! You aren't allowed to talk back after I've already claimed victory. Also, since when did you learn to speak like that? You're beginning to remind me of the time a 'friend' of mine came to my house to drop off a bunch of corn and I ran up to my mom cheering, mistakenly thinking that it was a birthday present for me and proof of our friendship. If you love your children as much as you constantly say you do, I beg you to stop speaking like that. "And to think that I ever thought you'd be the sensible one."

I clicked my tongue at the surprise counter. Not wanting to lose the argument, I turned to face my divine benefactor to continue my own offensive but found whatever I was going to say die in my throat when I saw how she was looking at me. Dammit, I should have anticipated something like this would happen. The Goddess of Hearth and Home would be too comfy and friendly to properly argue with.

The two of us once again fell into silence. This time, at the very least, was a lot more bearable.

…

That, however, didn't mean that I was content to have things stay like this! We were here for a reason and I still had a pot of curry waiting for me over a fire, and that curry was only there because I was hungry. I would still like to get all that out of the way as quickly as possible. Thank you very much.

"A-Anyways…." I ignored my own stuttering as I cleared my throat into my fist. "My stats?"

"Oh, right!" The diminutive kami jumped at the reminder like I had just leapt out from behind a corner to scare her. Her blue eyes shot downwards her own lap and naturally, I followed them to the piece of paper that had been sitting in her hand the entire time. She shoved it out towards me and gave me a cheeky smile. "If we factor out the time you lost because of that minotaur attack, I think that you should still be progressing at your usual pace, which is still—"

"—Far better than the usual newbie." Already knowing what my level up character was going to tell me, I cut her off as to save me from hearing it again. "Yeah, yeah, my ability is really strong and really rare, and you're really happy I have it. Don't worry, I get it. You don't have to remind me every time you update my stats."

"Mou…" Oops, looks like I got her acting all grumpy again. At least now I could laugh at her anger like how I always do. "Would you at least let me be proud of you? Someone with a skill like yours doesn't come around very often, y'know?"

I rolled my eyes and took the paper she was holding out to me. "Whoever said that you couldn't? Not me. My skill is very powerful and I'm extremely proud of it. Just find a way of doing it that doesn't make me feel you're about to parade me around to all of your kami friends."

Hestia-sama let out another 'hmph' and crossed her arms over her fan-service ribbon, grumbling softly to herself. I smirked at that and turned my attention towards the paper in my hand, scanning through its contents with my eyes. It wasn't a very labor intensive process, especially since years of playing RPGs had trained my eyes to filter out any filler text and just focus on the numbers, which were the only things that really mattered.

Power, endurance, dexterity, agility, and magic? Don't you mean strength, constitution, skill, speed, and intelligence? Why did I need to know the actual names of the stat pools when they all pretty much served the same function in the end? This world was clearly based on an RPG, which one I wasn't sure of as it was probably more of a mix of several, and all RPG-based worlds ripped the same core systems off from one another, making it so that authors don't actually have to explain it in any great detail. Hence, at most, all I needed to know was in what order they appeared on the page and muscle memory could do the rest.

True to Hestia-sama's word, my stats did increase quite a bit. Not as much as they would've if that minotaur didn't interrupt Cranel and I's descent down to the fifth floor, but that was to be expected. Only after around two weeks of being an adventurer, all of my basic abilities save for magic were already close to hitting F-rank, which apparently, according to both Hestia-sama and Tulle, was growth at an unprecedented pace.

That 'unprecedented pace' was most surely entirely due to the overpowered skill that appeared when I first received my falna, Sokudoku. Apparently, it was one of a kind, though I could only base that on Hestia-sama saying that she had never seen anything like it before. Not only was it one of a kind, however. It was also extremely overpowered.

Upon first seeing it and finding out what it actually entailed, it made me wonder if I was, in fact, the protagonist of this series. Taken from another world? Check. Starts out with extremely overpowered skill? Check. My biggest benefactor is a cute girl with strange proportions and a singular weird fashion quirk? Check.

All of the pieces lined up, but then, I realized. Who would ever make or read an entire series where someone like me is the protagonist? Your standard light novel protagonist needed to be a stubborn idiot who cares about others and puts their well being over their own, while also having the ability to bring people together. I wasn't any of those things, so logic dictated that there was no way I could be the main character!

Me failing to meet all of the other requirements quickly fell into place. Me starting out with an overpowered skill? The skill itself, while extremely overpowered, wasn't general enough to be that of a true main character. A skill where the MC would be able to grow at a much faster rate than those around them would be more fitting and while, my skill was helping me increase my stats quickly, that wasn't its main purpose. What about the fanservice mascot character? I wasn't the first to join her familia.

Cranel, however, fulfilled all of those criteria. Although, I still couldn't really explain the whole getting ripped away from my own world part, but I'm sure there's going to be some sort of bullshit explanation to make sense of that later. Anyways, I was straying further and further away from my point.

That point being that, yes, I may be overpowered, but I definitely wasn't the protagonist.

Speaking of the rabbit trapped in the body of a human, there was still a question on my mind. "How has Cranel been doing?"

"Oh, Bell?" Nani? No effect? I was sure mentioning your favorite child would stop you from being so angry. It's always worked before, so it suddenly not working threw me off. "He's doing fine, I guess."

"Eh? Did something happen between you two?" Clearly, Cranel did something to piss her off, but I was at a loss as to what it could be. His soft, fluffy protagonist nature decreased attack stats upon contact, so it must've been something significant. Then again, when I had him take over watching the curry, he looked no different, so Hestia-sama still might just be angry at me or was mad at him, but all because of something I did. Yeah, that was the most likely answer. It was more reasonable than the two actually being at odds, anyways.

"Hmph, no, nothing at all! I'm totally not mad at him for whatever happened between him and Wallen-whatshername—"

"—Hestia-sama, Hikigaya-kun!" Probably sensing that he was being talked about with his bullshit protagonist powers, Cranel came crashing through the door to the basement, the makeshift wooden spoon that I used to stir the curry in hand. Still, his interruption didn't make me forget about whatever our kami was alluding to. Something about a 'Wallen'? Was she talking about Ais Wallenstein, the woman who saved Cranel from the minotaur? Did another flag get raised while I wasn't looking? The only time they were even in the same room was when then, so when did this even happen?! "I think the curry is done!"

I let out a sigh and shook my head free from the thoughts. If the problem was just Cranel adding another girl to his prospective harem then it was essentially not a problem at all, considering that this was going to happen a lot more in the future. Refocusing on the current issue of my very empty stomach, I raised my brow at the albino and asked, "Did you poke at the vegetables to make sure that they were soft like how I told you?"

"Yep!" My familia nodded his head with the enthusiasm of a child. He looked like one too. His hands were raised up to shoulder level and his eyes were all wide and brimming with happiness and excitement. I was sure that, if there was ever an illustration of this exchange, little stars would be coming off of him. "Oh, ah— Are you finished updating Hikigaya-san's stats, Hestia-sama? I didn't mean to interrupt if I did."

"No, we just finished up." I snorted at the mental image and stood up from the couch. Of course, this cutesy filler scene took precedence over anything that happened between me and Hestia-sama. "Come on, let's go eat. I'm starving."

Next to me, Hestia-sama stood up as well, although she giggled instead. Hm? Not angry anymore all of a sudden? Talk about a quick turn around. "Hehe, I can't wait to try my children's cooking! Bell-kun helped make it so it has to be delicious!"

"Ah, but all I really did was cut up some vegetables." Hand scratching at his cheek, Cranel tried to deflect our kami's praise like the dense, idiot protagonist he was. Unfortunately for you, Cranel, that red on your cheeks betrays any humility you think you're showing. If you're gonna steal my thunder by existing, at least feel bad about it. "Hikigaya-san was the one who did most of the work."

"Just take the praise, Cranel." Being too hungry to listen to these two trade raised flags like stand powered fists, I simply dismissed my familia's dismissal and began to make my way out of the basement. "You're wasting time that we could be using eating."

Besides, it's not like I needed to be praised anyways.

…

Mornings in the Hestia Famila household typically went the same way. Cranel woke up, then he woke me up, and then we got all our equipment together and made the trek out to the dungeon. Today started out no different, although the method in which my party member went about the second step was new.

Cranel and general loudness were two things that I closely associated with one another, so being ripped from glorious slumber by him suddenly screaming was probably something I should've anticipated happening eventually.

From the clear fear that was present in the shriek, two possible explanations popped into my mind. Either he just woke up from some sort of nightmare or Hestia-sama had snuck into his bed, which was actually a couch, sometime during the night. Given our kami's clear jealousy last night, the latter seemed like the most obvious answer, but then again, Cranel did almost get killed yesterday so—

"Bell-kun, not so loud…." —Yeah, it was foolish of me to assume that anything else could be the answer. Two instances of fan service in less than twenty four hours. Whoever's been writing this series must've really turned their shame dials all the way down to zero, huh? "I'm still trying to sleep."

Naturally, I felt inclined to agree with my kami-sama, but then the hard floor under me reminded me of my desperate need to make money. To do that, unfortunately, I actually needed to get out of bed. Is this what my parents always had to deal with? This torturous tug of war between body and mind? I suddenly felt sick. Despite it, I did my best to convince my body to get up and face the day.

One might think that a red-blooded, testosterone-filled young man such as myself would find a job based entirely in killing monsters to be more enjoyable, and that person would be right. No doubt, going into the dungeon, killing monsters, and devising better ways to kill those monsters was much more enjoyable than any of the part time jobs I had back in my old world. Rate wise, it even paid much better too. Contrary to popular belief though, having a reason to get up in the morning didn't make doing so any easier, especially for a creature of habit such as myself.

I did get up eventually, however, and when I did, I drug my lifeless corpse of a body to our supply closet and went about my usual morning ablutions. Ignore exchange going on between Cranel and Hestia-sama; brush teeth with weird brush, branch thing; and finish by getting my gear together. Simple. Easy. Done within five or ten minutes.

Being the newbie I was, I didn't have much in terms of equipment and most of what I did have was provided to me by the Guild. Most of it was mundane stuff like pouches that I used to carry essential items such as potions, those went on first due to all of the stupid belts I needed to fasten, and a backpack to hold all of my earnings and any equipment I didn't need quick access to, that always went on last. In between were all the much more interesting pieces of gear like my weapons and armor. Same story as all of my other gear, although I was given a bit of freedom on this front as I had received the whole 'choose your class' spheal from Tulle.

Remembering that conversation always brought a smile to my face. I'm not some hapless pup like Cranel, you glorified tutorial screen! He may have listened to your advice, but I knew better than to let anyone box me into a corner. I always picked the option that gave me the most options, even if that left me with nothing more than a dagger and chestplate to start out with.

Still, just like all early game tutorials, while most of it ended up being useless drivel to the experienced player, there was still some useful information. Something about me having great potential with a bow and other ranged weapons. So what if I spent that night looking for a bendy enough tree branch and a good enough string? Even a broken clock is right twice a day, y'know? That didn't mean anything.

Satisfied with remembering how I had totally won that argument, I went about putting all of my gear. Dagger clipped to belt, chestpiece slipped on and fastened tight to chest, backpack on back, and makeshift bow was slung over my shoulder for ready use. Good. Everything was where it was supposed to be.

The same, however, could not be said about a certain protagonist, who still hadn't managed to find a way to slip himself out from under our kami-sama. I wanted to sigh and shake my head, but that would totally discount the strength of our familia's namesake. Well, the strength of women lying on top of you in general. As a seasoned big brother, I knew that the only way to get a woman dead set on using you as a cushion to get off you and it was basically the equivalent of trying to steal treasure from a slumbering dragon. Your safest bet was to hope they got disinterested enough to leave. Ganbatte, Cranel, but you no longer have free will! I must leave you to your fate.

"Ah, Hikigaya-san, are you going ahead?" 'Going ahead'? Well, that's certainly a much nicer way of asking if I was abandoning you. Thanks for prettying it up for me, Cranel! It makes me seem like less of a scumbag.

"Yeah, I'll meet you at the dungeon, Cranel." Already being at the foot of the stairs, I stopped and raised my hand over my shoulder as a half-assed wave, before heading up them. "Oh, and don't get swindled by any cute girls while we're apart!"

The noise that Cranel made as I closed the door behind me made me chuckle. Too easy.

…

"Oh, you're that adventurer from earlier! You came! Oh, and you brought a friend."

"Y-Yeah…."

"Oi, Cranel." I looked away from the cute, grey-haired girl standing in front of us to glare at Cranel. Due to him being slightly in front of me, his face wasn't visible, but I could tell that he knew he fucked up. The deaf idiot was standing stiff as a board. "Didn't I tell you to do something before I left for the dungeon this morning?"

I waited for him to answer, but all I got was a sheepish chuckle. Yeah, yeah, try and laugh the guilt away now, Cranel, but you won't be laughing later when I force you to pay for my half of the bill. Just look at their prices next to the door! Look at them, suffer and apologize to your wallet, because you won't be leaving with a valis to your name!

Stop. Decisively, tonight wasn't going like I expected at all.

After putting in another long day's work, I just wanted to drag my tired, aching body to the Guild to cash in my crystals and go home to get my stats updated. Both of those steps were accomplished as per usual, but then, after Hestia-sama updated Cranel's stats, she stormed out all of a sudden, looking really angry! Now, on Cranel's recommendation, we were standing in front of The Hostess of Fertility with empty stomachs and a cute barmaid inviting us in.

This all reeked of plot. Not the sarcastic, jokey kind that was uttered with extra emphasis, but the literal kind. Almost as if everything lined up perfectly to allow this to happen. My mind immediately jumped to this being the start of an actual plot line, but then I remembered my conversation with Hestia-sama last night and I shut that train of thought down. Remember Hachiman, a world that resembled a light novel, not an actual light novel.

That left me to try looking at everything in a different light. Coincidence was the easiest answer. A more nefarious subplot happening right under my nose was another, though I didn't really understand what a barmaid had to do with something like that. Then again, she'd be the last person I'd expect, so maybe there was more credence to that theory than none at all. Hm….

Alright, when all else failed, it was best to strike right down the middle. No need to make a choice right now, it's better to keep both options in mind until one side proves itself more viable.

This barmaid probably used some trick to get Cranel to talk to her and then pitched this place to him well enough to keep it in mind, might've even used an unseeming bribe to seal the deal. Stop. Ugh, I can't believe my dad's advice wasn't useless after all.

"I never got the opportunity to introduce myself earlier." Wooden serving tray in hand, the barmaid bowed her head in greeting before popping back up with a smile. Of course, I took it with a grain of salt. She deserved no less given her track record. Hmph, you may have fooled Cranel, but you won't trick me. My father apparently didn't raise a fool! "My name is Syr Flova."

"A-Ah, Bell Cranel."

Keeping in mind cultural differences, I made sure to introduce myself correctly. "Hachiman Hikigaya."

"You two are adventurers, right? I'm sure you two must be starving. Please come inside. Would you like at a table or the bar?"

I waited for Cranel to answer, seeing as coming here was his idea in the first place, but all he was able to get out was a strained whimper. Oi, what's with that overwhelmed reaction? Wait, is this your first time eating a restaurant like this? Then why did you think this was a good idea? Don't make me pick up the slack when this was your fuck up!

"The bar is fine, thank you." I forced myself to keep from sighing. Flova may have fooled Cranel into coming here (and therefore wasn't someone I trusted), but knowing these universes, there was a distinct chance that they may turn into love interests at some point and who was I to deny the main protagonist of that? Also, she was right. I was very hungry.

"Of course, follow me please!" With that, Flova turned and walked back into the tavern. Or was this a pub? A bar? Were all of those the same thing? Eh, whatever. Too hungry to care about semantics. Yo, body! Hurry up and follow her inside already. You're wasting time thinking.

My first step into the Hostess of Fertility was an eventful one, as in I found that almost all of my senses were assaulted by stimuli the moment I stepped in. The orange glow of the candlelight that cast the dining room with a warm, healthy glow; the cheers and chatter of the other patrons as they drank their night away; and the mouth-watering smell of various kinds of food and spices wafting through the air. By all rights, this seemed like your standard fantasy tavern. Maybe except for all the cute girls in green barmaid outfits. That wasn't something I saw a lot. Then again, it's not like I've been able to eat at any restaurants in this world to begin with, so maybe it was more of a norm than I thought? Damn, what kind of degenerate-filled world did I get myself dumped into?

Something that probably wasn't normal, however, were all of the adventurers I saw as I followed Flova through the pub. The place was absolutely crawling with them. Some of them were easy to spot, like all of the ones who still had a majority of their gear on, and others weren't, but those people were easy enough to find out if you looked close enough.

I immediately felt uncomfortable realizing this, though. Have I accidentally stepped into a riajuu den?

"Here you two are!" Cheerily, our green-clad guide gestured to the bar, which was tucked behind the many rows of wood tables that littered the main floor of the restaurant, but was still clearly visible from the entrance. An older woman of around my height stood behind it, cooking from what I could tell. I assumed that she was the one in charge as she more resembled a brick wall than a human being. "Mama Mia will be the one to take your orders."

"Oho, those are two faces I haven't seen before." Over the years, I've often heard people talk about certain individuals having certain auras to them, where one could get a gauge for their personality from the first moment they met. I've met people where that was the case. The woman behind the bar, who I assumed to be Mama Mia, most definitely fit that bill. Her voice was confident, but there was a warmth and familiarity to it that screamed of the whole 'wizened with age' archetype. This wouldn't be the first time Cranel and I would be stepping foot into her tavern. That much was obvious. "Come, take a seat. I'll get your bellies full in no time."

Seeing that all the back corner seats were open, probably because they were located right next to what seemed like a supply cabinet, I made my way over and sat at the second one from the corner. Chin propped up on my hand, I waited for Cranel to get in hearing range before saying, "You pick what we eat, Cranel."

"Oh, ah, understood!" Dropping down onto the stool next to me, my familia member began frantically looking around for what I assumed was a menu. Flova, who was still standing next to him, giggled into her hand as she watched him panic. A very genuine giggle. Hm, don't you have better things to do, suspicious maid-chan? Like, your job maybe? Oh, wait. Yes! There you go! Please leave me and my familia be for the rest of the night, thank you. "Can we get two of the pastas and… um, two cups of ale please, Mama Mia-san?"

Mama Mia put her thick hands on her hips and laughed, not a full on one with her head leaned back, but a hearty one nonetheless. "No need to be so formal, kid. You can call me Mama Mia or Grande, either work fine with me."

"H-Hai, Grande-san!"

Another laugh came from Grande before she turned back towards her work station. "Two pastas and two ales then, I'll have that up for you in a second."

"Alcohol, eh?" The words left my mouth faster than I could remember that, since Orario had no real acting government and thus no laws, I didn't have to be twenty to buy myself a drink. There was no real regret in me for asking, as I did find the choice on Cranel's part to be a curious one, but this would serve as a good lesson for me in the future. "You looking to get drunk?"

"No, not really." Cranel let out an awkward chuckle as he crossed his arms on the bar and stuffed his red face into them. "Everyone else here was drinking, so I kinda just panicked and went with what everyone else was doing."

Embarrassed, huh? Well, I can't say that I don't empathize with you. Any interaction with a customer service worker was essentially a low-risk, high downside gamble, where mistakes were hard to make but a single one would lead to a memory that would stick with you for years. That's why I did my best to avoid speaking with service staff, no matter how friendly. Actually, that's why I avoided talking to people in general! Once again, my loner lifestyle reigned supreme!

"And besides, I've never really had a drink before…." I was pulled out of my monologue by Cranel's voice, which sounded muffled since he still hadn't actually taken his head out from between his arms yet. I was about to call him out on that, but he seemed to realize that on his own and turned his head to face me before I could. "My grandfather would always tell me that we'd have one together when I got older, but then he…." My familia's eyes widened as he shot up from his slouched position. "Ah, sorry, Hikigaya-san! I didn't mean to bring the mood down. Please forget all that you just heard."

It occurred to me just then, as I stared at Cranel bowing his head in apology, that we didn't know a single thing about each other. From the very first moment we met to now, a few weeks later, that hadn't changed at all. We were just two strangers who happened to join the same familia, live under the same roof, and went into the dungeon together. No more, no less.

Where we came from and what we did before all of that didn't matter, and for obvious reasons, that's how I preferred it. He never asked and never said anything, so I assumed that he felt the same way. That little slip was actually the first time he's ever broached the subject, but given how quick he was to cover it up, the intention behind it was easy to parse.

"I'm in the same boat, if that helps at all." Hmph, count yourself lucky that I'm not one to pry unnecessarily, Cranel. Also, count yourself lucky that I maxed my 'strategic subject change' skill out years ago. Truly, I was the best person in the world to come to if you didn't want to talk about your problems. "About the drinking, I mean. I haven't had a drink before either."

"A-Ah, well, if that's the case, then we'll be having our first together then, right?" As quick as a light bulb, Cranel brightened up in response to what I said. Oi, no need to sound so excited about it. You're looking way too cute for my liking. Only one boy can act that way to me and also have white hair, and you are certainly not him!

"I'm aware of the implications, Cranel." Being unable to withstand the force of the albino teen's cuteness any longer, I shifted my focus to all that was going on behind him. Wow, look at all of those barmaids. A couple of them even have cat ears. How adorable, much appealing. Look, that blonde one's an elf. That's, like, two fetishes wrapped in one! None of them mine, but still. Ah shit, she's looking my way. "By the way, watch your phrasing. People might start getting the wrong idea."

"Eh?" Huh? What's with that dumb face? Did you not get what I was— Oi, why are you blushing like that all of a sudden? That isn't helping at all! "Eh!"

Hearing Grande laugh again made me want to mimic my familia's earlier actions. Cranel dug our graves even deeper by devolving into even more of a blushing mess, which only made her laugh even more. Dammit…. Scratch what I said earlier about having to come back here, after that, I never wanted to show my face here again. Congratulations Grande, it may not have been your intention, but you and all your staff just lost all the plot relevance you were ever going to have! Have fun being regulated to b-plots and spin-off side stories!

Probably hoping to salvage whatever pride he had left, Cranel did his best to plead his innocence to the tavern cook, but unfortunately, he had already lost that long— Nope, not even going to finish thinking that sentence. Screw it, just tune this entire exchange out, Hachiman. No need to subject yourself to such punishment.

I sighed as I did my best to ignore the world around me. A part of me wanted to believe that things couldn't get worse from here, but I knew better than to trip a flag like that so blatantly. People who blindly said "the only way we can go from here is up" were naive idiots! No matter how bad a situation seems, it could always get worse, source: Hikipedia!

Hopefully, if things did end up getting worse, our food would be delicious enough to compensate.

…

Good news, me from the past, our food was delicious! The pasta was perfectly cooked and well seasoned, and the fried fish that Grande forced onto us was tender and succulent! My work weary body and empty stomach had never felt so satisfied after a meal. I could see why so many adventurers came here.

Unfortunately, good news rarely came without bad news and tonight, it came in the form of my only party member bolting out of the tavern like a wounded rabbit did from a wolf. The cause? The Loki Familia, the group of nine that came crashing through the doors of The Hostess of Fertility like they owned the place. Actually, their arrival was announced by one of the staff and they had a reservation set, but that was basically the same thing. The worst part was that, considering who made up that party of eight, I couldn't even justify blaming anyone involved.

Being a newcomer to Orario, I naturally didn't know a lot about it, but just like any place, there were certain pieces of information that one picked up just by existing in it. One of those things being the food chain here and who sat atop it. Of course, nobody outright said anything, but after so many trips to the Dungeon and the Pantheon, you started to hear whispers.

Out of all the Familias mentioned, Loki was one of the more recurring names. Probably because of the fact that her current roster of adventurers had several Level 5 and above adventurers on it. The actual numbers and most of the names were still a mystery to me, but seeing as almost everyone in the Hostess began whispering their praises the moment they walked in, I was forced to assume that they were all strong enough to destroy this place with a single punch. All of that being said, there was one person who's face I could place a name on.

There were very few people that I looked at and immediately thought 'perfect'. Up to just yesterday, the only person that came to mind was Yukinoshita Yukino, but that was back in my old world. Here in Orario, where almost every woman served as an unrealistic standard of beauty, I couldn't help but feel that perfect fell short of describing Ais Wallenstein.

Blonde hair, golden eyes, and a figure that made hourglasses seem unshapely; the woman that the gods dubbed as the 'Sword Princess' strode into The Hostess of Fertility with the same ease and confidence that she had when she killed that minotaur yesterday.

She was as perfect a woman that I've ever met and, considering he had been gawking at her from the moment she walked in, Cranel didn't think any different.

That's probably why he had ran away like he did. Not because of her beauty, although he had done so the last time they were face to face. No, the cause was a grey-haired mutt with wolf ears, a wolf tail, and an awfully large mouth. His familia called him Bete and it seemed that, when Bete got drunk, he couldn't keep whatever he had for Wallenstein in his pants where it belonged.

Now, I didn't have anything against someone having strong feelings for another person and showing it. Kami knows that I've already heard more than enough of this world's men openly and loudly pine for women's attention by now, but Bete's version of that just happened to involve badmouthing a certain adventurer who got covered in minotaur's blood and ran away from Wallenstein as a result. All in an attempt to make himself seem like the bigger, stronger man who could be a good fit for the Sword Princess. When in reality, it only ever happened because he and his familia were incompetent enough to allow a bunch of minotaur to run to the upper floors.

Very ironic, yeah, I know, but I didn't care about that. What I did care about was Cranel, who just ran out of the tavern because of Bete's feeble attempt at sounding desirable. Probably to do something insanely dangerous, knowing his character archetype, and that was something I couldn't allow.

I maybe pretty overpowered myself, but I would still need the main character's help to make it all the way to the bottom of the dungeon. And, while I was sure that plot armor would keep him alive long enough to do so, I couldn't risk him running into danger every time someone made fun of him. So, if what happened yesterday stuck in Bete's mind so much that he could recall it verbatim drunk, I would have to give him something else to remember. It was a good thing that I had being hated to a science.

Go.

Fortunately, most of the noise in the Hostess had died down when Crane ran out. It made the sound of my stool scraping against the floor even louder, which, while my intention, was really a moot point given what came out of my mouth soon after.

…Or rather, what I had planned to come out of my mouth before I had been stopped by a certain barkeep.

"Where do you think you're going?" Just like that, whatever fire that was stirred up in me was quickly quelled by a deep chill that went down the full length of my spine. Never in my life had I heard impending doom be indirectly vocalized through words so potently. Mia Grande was someone not to be trifled with. That much was clear. "That friend of yours just up and left without a goodbye, or paying his bill, for that matter. You wouldn't be stupid enough to try and do the same, would you?"

The first thing that popped into my head was to reassure her that, no, I wasn't dumb enough to do something like that, but then every conversation I've ever had with Hiratsuka-sensei quickly flashed through my head and I thought better of it. If anything were to leave my mouth, I was much more libel to make the situation even worse for myself somehow.

Seeing as I'd rather have that not happen, I decided to do the smartest thing I could think of doing: pay the bill and leave with my tail tucked between my legs, all the while vowing to make Cranel suffer tenfold for putting me in this situation. And that's exactly what I did!

Now, that's where my time at The Hostess of Fertility should've ended. All of the wind in my sails had been snatched away and the rest of the Loki Familia were stringing Bete up from the ceiling via rope. Why? I wasn't too sure, but I assumed that they had finally had enough of the mutt's barking. Regardless, I was more than ready to say 'goodbye' to this place and go see if Cranel was a big enough idiot to do what I thought he'd do, but before I could leave, I was stopped by the one key component of all of this that I had completely forgotten about.

"It's you." Just like the last and only other time we've spoke, her voice was quiet and without emotion. Almost like a robot with its voice set to the lowest possible, audible volume. Despite that, I could hear her perfectly. The rest of the world quieted down just to listen to her. Hmph, I suppose that I should've expected that from a master riajuu like her.

Ais Wallenstien, the famed Sword Princess and unwitting catalyst of Cranel's sudden exit, was standing right in the middle of the entrance, almost as if to ensure that I couldn't leave. Sure, being a business, the doorway was more than big enough to allow for the passage of more than a single person, but I had a feeling that didn't actually matter at all.

"Yeah, it's me." Hoping to get her out of my way as fast as possible, I threw her words back in her face as dismissively as possible and plastered a scowl all over my face. Surely, despite her socially inept exterior and ridiculously high level, she'd fall to the pressure of awkward social situations too, right? "Who would I be if I were anyone else?"

In response to my clear discomfort and disdain, Wallenstein tilted her head to the side and confirmed to me that I was wrong. What did I ever do in my past life to deserve all of this?

"Yeah, you wouldn't get that sorta humor, huh…? So, what do you want?" To remind her that I was a busy man who needed to go and busy himself, I nudged my chin towards the doorway behind her. "As you can see, I have to go chase after a certain someone again."

"Ah, you're right. This is very similar to what happened yesterday." Look, you're finally learning, Wallenstein! We have done something like this before. So, please, allow it to end like it did yesterday and let me go on my way— "May I take up some of your time? I wish to ask you something before you leave."

—without taking up anymore of my time. Damn. I know I've made this joke way too many times already, but is there an actual esper skill floating around in Orario? I'm actually beginning to wonder now.

"Fine." Despite all the gripes that immediately popped into my mind, I bent in service to her will just as quickly. There was no way I could actually deny the Sword Princess. I was still a slave to the power chain and she sat at its apex. I doubted that she actively meant to do so, considering what I've seen of her social prowess up to this point, but that didn't mean that she wasn't leveraging her position against me. She did that just by asking and that was a far scarier proposition in my eyes. "But unless you want the whole tavern to hear what it is, I suggest we take this outside."

I had raised my voice with that last part. My earlier mention of the world quieting down wasn't another way to affirm how special Wallenstein was, there was a literal decrease in volume within The Hostess after she started speaking to me. I could even see certain people glancing at me thanks to the reflection of the window next to the entrance. They moved to cover up their eavesdropping the moment I called them out on it. Tch, this is why I didn't like speaking to riajuu.

"I don't mind if other people hear if it saves time. Your answer is very important to me." Oi, what's with that awful phrasing?! Do you hear all of those people coughing behind me? They're all getting the wrong idea, you idiot! "Ah, is something wrong? Your face is all—"

"—Alright, alright, I get it!" Suddenly developing a very urgent want to leave this place, I quickly closed the distance between me and the entrance, despite Wallenstein's presence there. Coming to a stop right next to her, I nudged my head out towards the street, all the while hoping that it didn't look too strained. "Look, it may not matter to someone like you, but it does to me, alright?"

In response to my words, Wallenstein's eyes widened for a split second before eventually nodding her head. I took that as her understanding and hurried outside.

I didn't go far after I did. Only turning a corner once I descended down to street level and leaning onto the building that sat next to The Hostess, allowing myself to be enveloped in its shadow. My temporary companion settled on standing in the orange glow that created that darkness, at the foot of the stairs.

Seeing as she was the one who wanted to talk, I waited for Wallenstein to take the lead, but quickly realized that I would need to take the initiative when she did nothing but stare at me for ten or so seconds. I expected to feel exasperated at that, but instead, I felt worried. Mainly because I knew that any interaction where I had to take charge was more or less destined to fail. Kinda like Yuigahama and math tests, but a little less hopeless. Still, I had to try or I couldn't leave, and I really wanted to leave, so ganbatte me! Just keep fighting!

"Oi, you're the one who asked to talk, so hurry and get to talking. My looks may be above average, but that doesn't excuse you wasting time staring at it." Seeing the opportunity to mock a certain kouhai I knew, I turned my upper body to face Wallenstein and bowed my head slightly. "I'm sorry. I'm flattered since you're a high level and all, but I'm not looking to be in a relationship right now. You'll bring me nothing but trouble. Please try again never."

The blonde blinked, frowned a bit, and nodded. Heh, did I actually strike a nerve there or is she just confused? Either way, I could see why Isshiki kept repeating that to me. Seeing even that little bit of irritation crack the Sword Princess's pristine exterior was hilarious. Wait, did I just relate to Isshiki right there? Shit. Going to have to remember to jump off Babel Tower next time I get the chance. My life is over.

"Your friend…." Despite already having a feeling that the topic of conversation would lead to Cranel, I couldn't help but narrow my eyes at the sudden mention. "Why did he run away from me yesterday?"

I opened my mouth to ask her why it mattered, but stopped myself when I realized that this wasn't something that I should try and dissuade. If she had somehow developed an interest in Cranel, that was a good thing. A ridiculously powerful and perfect girl like her getting her eye caught by someone who hadn't even been an adventurer for a month? That was only something a main character could pull off! Meaning that I had to do everything in my power to make sure this happened.

Despite realizing that, however, I was still hesitant to answer the question. Not because I was suspicious or anything, but because I hadn't actually thought into the 'why' of it all. My familia just had a near-death experience, so I just chalked it up to that at the time, but now that I did think about it….

"He wants to be a hero." There was a presumptuousness to my words that made me want to cringe. In all of my time with him, those words never left his mouth specifically, but from how he acted day to day and my own assumptions of him, it felt like I was speaking the truth. That didn't make me feel any better, but it made saying it easier. "You know, the kind you read about in fairytales?" All I got from Wallenstein was a blank expression, so I continued on with my nonsense. "A fairytale hero wants to be strong, be loved, and save damsels, all of that sort of stuff. So, if I had to guess, he was probably just embarrassed."

"'Embarrassed'?" The blonde added a sideways head tilt to her blank expression, but her golden eyes widened before I could explain. "Does it have anything to do with what Bete was talking about earlier?"

I opened my mouth to answer, but found myself hesitating to say anything. It wasn't that I was at a loss for words or anything, there was just something that was keeping me from saying what I wanted to say. What's this? A conscious? Me? Preposterous! I have no sense of right and wrong. All I knew was wrong! I was the epitome of being wrong. Wait….

Well, whatever. If my mouth didn't want to comply, I wasn't about to force it. Besides, I was already burning moonlight as it was and since she's here, might as well try and raise a flag for Cranel's sake. You're lucky that I care about you achieving your main character status!

"Look, I have an idiot to run after." I stepped off of the wall I was leaning on and stuffed my hands into my pockets. Well, I wanted to, but since pants in this world apparently didn't come with them as a standard feature, I had to settle on slipping my thumbs into the hem of my pants. "If you're so curious about him, you should just ask him yourself."

I expected some sort of pushback, but all Wallenstein gave me was a nod of the head. "Of course. Might I ask for your assistance on the matter then?"

Once again, the Sword Princess said something that gave me pause. A part of me wanted to agree and set the two up on some sort of pseudo date, but then I remembered who I was talking to. She was one of the most powerful people in the world and Cranel was just a newbie. Her talking to me drew the attention of the entire Hostess, so there was no doubt in my mind that they'd receive the same treatment if they were seen out together.

Just like all things in life, I couldn't rush into it thinking that everything was going to be alright. That sort of stuff was more up Cranel's alley. I needed to approach this with some modicum of caution.

"I'm not your messenger boy, Wallenstein." I shot her a withering glare before I started walking towards where I knew Cranel headed. "Orario isn't that big. I'm sure you'll run into each other again eventually."

I wasn't looking Wallenstein's way as I passed by her, so I didn't get to see her reaction, but I hoped that it wasn't too negative. Not because I was worried that I hurt her feelings or anything, but because I didn't want to piss her off. If I was right, we were going to be seeing a lot of each other in the future.

…

Most of the knowledge that I accumulated in my world served little to no purpose here in Orario. That much should've been obvious given my lifestyle, but fortunately, not all of it was a complete waste. I had sunk more than a reasonable amount of time playing RPGs and other video games, and Orario was still clearly based on an RPG, meaning that there were systems present for me to abuse and exploit for my benefit.

There was no bigger example of this than the monsters that spawned inside the dungeon. If one wasn't aware of these sorts of systems, they might be inclined to see them as actual living creatures with a free will and mind of their own, but that was entirely false. Sure, they moved around life-like enough, but in the end, they were lifeless beings whose only drive was to kill people and get stronger so they could kill even more people. Basically, they were only slightly better than mobs in a video game and figuring out how to abuse those was easy.

Take the five goblins charging at me as an example. I had run into my fair share of them over the past couple weeks and over that time, I was able to make note of a lot of their tendencies; such as, how they usually spawned in packs and their penchant for ambush tactics. They also tended to jump at enemies all at once when they got close.

Of course, I planned to use that against them.

Unfortunately, however, that was much easier said than done. While knowing all that was good, that didn't make me some sort of min-maxing, cold-hearted chess master. I was just your average teenage slacker. Sure, I wasted an inordinate amount of my free time playing video games and consuming trashy fantasy-based content, and that helped me in certain ways, but none of that changed the fact that most of my life had been spent in domesticity.

When I woke up in Orario, the closest thing to actual combat that I ever experienced was an impromptu judo match that I bullshitted my way through. The most physical exertion I had ever done was sprinting half a race to catch up to a guy who was power jogging. If I were to have gotten into a fist fight back in my world, I undoubtedly would've gotten my ass kicked handedly.

The falna on my back and two weeks of grinding in the dungeon gave me above average physical attributes, and that helped cover up a lot of what I initially lacked, but even then, there was more to fighting than just being fast and strong. If a goblin were to pounce at me when I didn't expect it, despite my increased reaction time, it'd still get the jump on me. That's where Sokudoku came in handy.

Go.

Going back to the goblins that were attacking me for a second, if I didn't have Sokudoku, I wouldn't have been able to go on this lengthy monologue. How did a skill whose name literally translated to 'speed read' let me do that? The answer was actually quite simple, if not rather contrived.

Reading being something I did quite often before waking up in Orario, I had long since perfected the art of speed reading. In the time the average person needed to fully comprehend a single sentence, I had already skimmed through and gotten the gist of the entire page! Sokudoku basically operated on the same principle, but amplified to a bullshit degree and transferred over to everything else in my vision. Admittedly, that didn't actually say a lot about what the skill did and why it was useful, but it was one of those things that was much easier for me to demonstrate than actually explain.

Since I was running at the group of goblins full speed, it took no time at all for me to get close enough for them to start trying to pounce on me and the moment the two in front left their feet, I activated Sokudoku.

Stop. With that mental command, the world slowed down dramatically, but since I was in motion when I activated the skill, it didn't come to a halt. Still, it provided me with more than enough time to look at all of my enemies and come up with a plan before I thought, Go.

Hop right mid-run to get proper angle, plant right foot into the ground, and drive off it to explode with a power swing with knife. Lead two are dead with a single slice. The third goblin should be in the air right now. Spin to my left upon landing and smack it into the wall with the back of my fist, but before fist lands….

Stop to check on the last two's position. Fourth goblin is in the air right behind third and the fifth is preparing to jump. Adjust plans accordingly before go.

Third goblin goes straight into the wall, follow through on the spin catches fourth goblin with the tip of my knife, and the fifth goes into the opposite wall with a back kick off another follow through. All of them turn into dust in that order. Heh, I bet I looked really cool there. Unfortunately, no time to savor the moment. My dumbass familia member is still down here somewhere being an idiot. To that end, I did my best to keep my momentum as I broke back into a run, but I ended up stumbling a bit. Great.

Keeping an eye on the ground to follow the trail of magic crystals that I had been following since I entered the dungeon. My assumption was that they were there because of Cranel, as no one would be dumb enough to come down here this late at night and just leave money lying on the floor. Running by it all pained me. I was gonna make that idiot pick each and every one of these pieces up when I dragged him back up to the surface.

Heh. I may not be a min-maxing, cold-hearted chess master, but with Sokudoku, I could at least pretend to be one.

---

Interlude 2 Once Again, Bell Cranel Finds Himself Being Saved.

…

I had run down into the dungeon wanting to prove something. Whether it was to myself or to someone in particular, or to the world, I didn't actually know. It had all happened so fast.

One moment, I was sitting in the The Hostess of Fertility having dinner with Hikigaya-san and then, Ais Wallenstein and her familia walked into the tavern. Just like she had ever since she saved my life yesterday, she took up all of my attention. She was beautiful, graceful, powerful, and everyone knew her name and respected her. I could go on and on about how amazing she was, but then, her friend, I think his name was Bete, said all of those things about me and I was running out the door. Now, I was sitting on the ground with a swarm of killer ants coming towards me.

I had already tried to get up and fight back, but my legs wouldn't respond at all. I didn't know if I was tired or all the small little cuts that I had gotten to this point, but the most I could do was push myself up against a wall so that I was facing the monsters that were going to kill me. A smile slipped onto my face as all the grip I had on my knife faded away.

Despite what I knew was going to happen, I couldn't help but feel a little bit proud. All on my own, I had managed to get down to the seventh floor! The farthest Hikigaya-san and I had ever gotten together was the fifth. Eina-san would probably kill me if she ever learned I went down this far. Wait, now that I think about it, she and Hestia-sama would probably kill Hikigaya-san first for being a bad influence. Haha….

…

Suddenly, the grip on my knife tightened.

Eina-san….

Driving my knuckles into the ground under me, I pushed with every ounce of strength I had left.

Hestia-sama….

When I was able to get the bottoms of my feet under me, I pushed so that my back went up the wall behind me. It scratched and hurt a lot because it was made of rock, but that wouldn't matter at all if I didn't get back up, so I ignored the pain.

Ais-san….

I came running to the Dungeon because I was weak, because I knew that Bete was right. I didn't have the right to fantasize about being by her side with how weak I was. I needed to get stronger, braver, so what was I doing sitting there and accepting my death?!

Hikigaya-san….

Just as I got close to standing as my shaking legs could manage, they gave out under me and I was back to sitting on the floor.

Hachiman Hikigaya. Just a few weeks ago, I didn't know the name at all; but now, it was like it followed me everywhere I went, slipping into every one of my thoughts. Probably even more than Ais-san's did, albeit I only met her yesterday.

He was my friend, although he'd probably correct me and say otherwise if I were to ever tell him that. We went into the dungeon together, ate together, and even slept in the same room! That's what friends did, right? Spend time with one another? Admittedly, I didn't really know, but either way, we've done a lot of it over the past few weeks! Knowing him, he'd probably complain and say that was more of a bad thing than a good thing, but that didn't make it less true.

Still, and I hated myself for saying this, I couldn't help but feel a little stab in my heart as I thought about him. I may have been the Hestia familia's first member, but he was easily its best. First off, he was a lot smarter than I was, although that was pretty clear from the start. He used it in ways that I never expected, like when we were in the dungeon. All he needed was to fight a monster a few times and then it was almost as if he knew what it was going to do before it did it. And when I first went into the dungeon and spent most of my time running away from monsters and trying not to get hit, he somehow turned my cowardice into a strategy that actually worked!

When it came to fighting, he was better too. Even though he had the same amount of experience fighting as I did, it certainly didn't seem like it, or not to me at the very least. Whenever I would praise him for it, he'd always tell me that it was just because he had a really powerful skill, but wasn't one's skills still just a part of them? So, despite his best efforts, I couldn't really agree with him on that front!

Even when it came to our personalities, the one place where I knew most people would prefer me over him, I still found him to be admirable. A lot of people thought him to be rather rude and crude, which he was, but he could still talk to people better than I could. He was also really kind. Sure, he insulted and teased me a lot — probably more than he should now that I think about it — but he never did it like Bete. He never looked down on me or treated me like someone who needed protection. If I made a mistake, he'd explain to me what I did wrong and how I could fix it. Plus, he was really humble! And even though most people might say that this was a bad thing to be, he was really aloof. When people insulted or talked about him, he didn't care.

If Bete insulted him like he did me, he wouldn't have reacted like how I did. His first instinct wouldn't have been to run into the dungeon for the sake of pride. He wouldn't have gotten himself killed for something that stupid. At the very least, the Hestia-familia would be in more than capable hands now that I was going to—

An explosion rang through the air and shook the ground under me before I could finish thinking, causing me to wince as dust and debris flew into my face. I couldn't see at all, but I could barely hear movement going on in front of me. What in the—?

"Oi, you still alive, Cranel?" An all too familiar voice cut through the ringing in my ears and caused my entire body to lock up.

"H-Hikigaya-san?" As the dust cleared and I could see once again, the first thing I saw was my dark-haired familia standing over me, his back to me and knife in hand.

"So, you are alive? Good. Can you stand? I'm going to get you out of here, so it'd be good if you could."

I tried to respond, but nothing wanted to leave my mouth. For some reason— No, that was a lie. I knew exactly why I felt that way. As I looked up at him, my heart fell and my fists clenched, and then, I shut my eyes and hung my head in shame. It was happening again. I was being saved again. I needed to be saved again. I—

Something plunked off my head and stopped me from thinking. Opening my eyes, I found a thin glass vial with a red liquid inside sitting in my lap. It was a minor health potion. I recognized it because Eina-san had given me a few after me and Hikigaya-san became adventurers. My head shooting back up, I expected to see what I saw before, but instead, I found Hikigaya-san was now looking me straight in the eye. He had knelt down at some point.

"Hurry up and drink that, idiot," he said as he reached a hand out to me and— Ow! Did you just flick me in the head! "I'm not gonna be able to get out of here on my own, so the quicker you're ready to go the better." He stood back up and turned back towards the killer ants that weren't killed in the explosion. "For now, I'll buy you some time, got it?"

My eyes widened, but as quickly as I could, I popped the cap off the health potion and downed the entire thing with a single swig. Health potions usually tasted bitter to me, but this time, it tasted rather sweet for some—. No, I knew the reason.

Hachiman Hikigaya might've been better than me, but at the very least, he was still right in front of me.

---

Exhaustion could make someone do a lot of things they wouldn't want to do normally.

Back in my world, when I had tripped over trying to catch up with Hayama during that marathon, I scraped my knee up pretty bad. Despite that, I was still able to limp to the nurse's office without complaint. I did so not because I was physically tough or anything, that scraped knee hurt like hell at the time and crying was a thought I did have, but because I pushed my body so hard during the marathon that I couldn't feel my legs. The situation that I found myself in now was much more severe, but the principle still counted it.

On no accounts did I want to carry Cranel all the way to the surface from the seventh floor. Firstly, he didn't deserve to be carried anywhere after being stupid enough to cause all of this. He should count himself lucky that I didn't make him do what I threatened him with in my head earlier! Secondly, my entire body hurt because of all of the small injuries that I received during the rescue, and all my adrenaline wore off a long time ago. Having a falna afforded me a higher pain tolerance, but any moving I tried to do sucked, so the prospect of dragging someone roughly my size up seven floors of anything, much less the rock maze that was the dungeon, was not appealing.

Still, I needed to get him out of the dungeon and my body was begging me to go home so it could rest, so I didn't have much choice. Count yourself lucky that I'm so tired, Cranel! Otherwise you'd be crawling across the floor carrying me!

"Ah, H-Hikigaya-san…?" Eh, am I being spoken to? Who said that could you speak to me, Cranel? I don't speak to idiots who try and get themselves killed, so why are you talking to me? Will whatever you're about to say going to make up for the fact that I went down to save you at nighttime and now, the Sun is rising? "Hikigaya-san…? Hikigaya-san, did you not hear—?"

"—Just because I don't respond, doesn't mean that I didn't hear you the first time." Fine! If you're not going to stay quiet, I'll indulge you. "What do you want?"

"Oh, uh, thank you…. For saving me, I mean."

"Save your thanks for someone who cares." I didn't know if I was just exhausted or if the pain was finally starting to get to me, but the moment I started speaking, it occurred to me that I sounded far much more angrier than I intended. Hmph, whatever. In the end, I guess I was just proving myself right. "If you're really thankful, never do something that idiotic ever again."

Once again, Cranel and I found ourselves walking down the road back home in complete silence, but unlike last time, there was no noise around us to divert attention away from it. It was loud and distracting, and forced me to fill it.

"So, why'd you do it?"

"Huh?"

I glared at the boy leaning on my shoulder for a moment, before returning my attention to the road in front of me. Knowing what type of character he was supposed to be, I already had an idea as to why, but after what happened with Wallenstein, I was rather done with assuming things for today. "You heard me. Tell me why you thought trying to get yourself killed was a good idea."

My familia member was silent for a few seconds before letting out a chuckle. You better be laughing at yourself, Cranel. Nothing I said there could be construed as me trying to be funny. "I became an adventurer because I wanted to be a hero."

"Yeah, I figured." An all too familiar bitterness reared its ugly head as I said that, but I did my best to ignore it.

"Eh? You already knew?!" Oi, what's with that volume? It's way too early in the morning to be talking that loud! "How did you figure it out?"

"You aren't a hard person to figure out, Cranel." Considering the weird croaking noise he made, I could tell that if I looked over at him, I'd probably find the look on his face pretty funny. "But that goes for most people, so don't feel too bad about it. All you have to do is look at how a person acts, listen to how they talk, what they talk about — all that sort of stuff. Eventually, you'll get an idea as to what kind of person they are."

"Oh, then you're saying that I did something that made you think that…?"

"Basically, yeah." I turned to look at Cranel and found that he had turned his head to face away from me, immediately causing me to become suspicious. "What about it?"

"Do you mind telling me what made you think that then?"

Suddenly, I felt the urge to drop the dead weight leaning on me for support.

"Quit fishing for compliments. After what happened, you're lucky that I don't have you legally change your name to 'dumbass'." Once again, I found Cranel laughing in response to something I said in one-hundred percent seriousness. Oi, did you take any hard blows to the head while I was making my way down to you? "Just hurry up and answer the question."

I waited for Cranel to finally quit laughing, which took him more than a few more seconds that I would like, but when he did, he graciously granted me a few moments of silence as a reprieve before answering. "You know how I got saved by Wallenstein-san yesterday—I mean, technically, the day before that? And then how that werewolf from the tavern said all of those things about me in front of her?"

"Of course, I do. All of that is kind of hard to forget, considering the scene you made both times." Ah, is this where you're going to tell me that getting saved like how you did was deeply embarrassing to you? And how getting mocked for it while your savior was there hurt your pride even further? Look, getting embarrassed like that is bad and all, but on the scale of originality, it's pretty—

"Well, ever since Ais-san saved me, I haven't been able to get her out of my mind." —Eh? "And all that Bete-san said…" He lifted his free hand and clenched it a fist, before turning towards me and shooting me a smile. "It reminded me that I still have a long way to go before I can even think about being by her side."

….

"So…" I breathed in deeply from my nostrils as I reached up to pinch the bridge of it with my nose, "what you're telling me, is that you nearly got yourself killed because you don't think you're strong enough to be with a girl you like?"

Again, all I got back in response was laughter, though it was more sheepish this time. For good reason too!

Never in my life had I ever heard something so incredibly and utterly stupid, even for the motivation of a light novel protagonist. Out of all the main characters that I could've been stuck with, I got stuck with the one so hung up on a girl that he'd risk getting killed before they've even had a proper conversation.

"Hikigaya-san…?"

What made all of this worse was I thought my original assumption, which I thought to be rather stupid in the first place, was me somehow giving him far too much credit.

"Hikigaya-san? Is there something wrong?"

Who in the hell created this world? Not even Zaimokuza could come up with a character motivation this dumb and the original draft for his own light novel was so stupid that I'm genuinely sure it gave me brain damage! If I wasn't sure that I couldn't treat this world's people like they were your standard character archetypes, I was sure now. Not when Cranel could act this stupid—

"Hikigaya-san?" It was then that I realized that said idiot was talking to me. "Are you alright—?"

"Can you stop referring to me so properly? It makes me uncomfortable."

"Eh, you were listening the entire time?!"

"Didn't I just tell you that people not responding the first time doesn't mean they didn't hear you? And you thought that I wasn't listening."

After that, our conversation soon spiraled into a mess of Cranel being loud and me making fun of him for being an idiot. Not typically the sort of conversation I enjoyed having, but I guess was just too tired to care.

…

Chapter End.

---

A/N: Hey. I did a thing. Look at the thing. I did it. Lmao. Only took me four months and some change. Have fun with it. I'm probably going to be covering the anime's events via arcs, by the way. So, the next chapter is gonna cover the part with the giant ape, but with less ape. Also, expect an Ais interlude coming up as I wanted to do it for this chapter, but then realized that it'd cut into the flow some. That's gonna be fun.

Also, am not doing the canon ending for OreGairu. If you've read the light novels or any summaries of the ending volume, you know what I'm talking about. Gonna be spoilers for that, by the by, but I'm sure by the time we address them, season 3 is going to be airing.

Also, also, just to note a few changes to canon, I've bumped Bell's age by two or so years. That's about it for right now, though.

Bye.

And this is a bit of a side note, tangent rant, but stop making Totsuka a girl just to add another character to 8-man's harem, you cowards. If you wanna love him, you love him with his dick and all, and I am kidding exactly zero percent. I know FanFiction is all about wish fulfillment, but if you're gonna do it, do it right and give him a proper character arc explaining that shit, because it goes against the entire appeal of the character.

Lesson one of all things: commit to the bit fully or don't do it at all! Don't half-assedly go, "Oh, he was hiding it the entire time and came out as a girl at some point" just because it'd be more convenient for you for him to be a girl. It's lazy and dumb. And if you wanna hand wave this and go, "Hey, don't take it so seriously." That's alright and a perfectly viable opinion as well, just know that I think it's lazy and dumb. We're all better than that, people. Come on.

Okay, now bye.