Chapter 15

Foggy didn't stop there. "I've been holding back for weeks because you were grieving, and then you were hurt, and then I thought maybe, just maybe, you wanted to try this partnership out again. Because as you will recall, you dissolved it, or you allowed it to be dissolved without a fight."

"Foggy,"

"No, Matt. I'm not letting you do this again. Not to me, not to Karen, and hell, not to Liz. I don't even know her that well, but no enemy deserves the treatment you've afforded your so-called loved ones."

"I feel like I'm missing a good portion of the backstory here," Liz protested, not sure if she should come to Matt's defense or not. "But it also seems like we probably shouldn't discuss it here."

"No, not here," Karen pleaded. "Let's at least try to have a nice breakfast."

Foggy stood. "I'm not hungry anymore. Or I am, but I need a change of scenery. We'll get ours to go." Matt attempted to slide out of the booth, but Foggy blocked his way. "No. You're staying. We're going. We'll talk later." He shot a quick look past Matt. "Um, Liz."

She nodded and he joined Karen at the counter.

Matt placed his elbows on the table and rested his head in his hands. "I can explain."

"You'd better start, because I just watched the two most important people in your life turn their back on you right now, and Foggy insinuated it wasn't the first time the three of you have had a major falling out."

"After the Castle case, well, actually during it, that's when Elektra came back. And Karen and I had been sort of seeing one another, no, we were seeing one another, and things happened – vigilante things, but I let them down. I had to push them away, and I was convincing. When Elektra died, we weren't speaking. The night Foggy called you, that's the first time he'd been to my place in weeks. He knew I was in a bad place, and he tried to stop me from going out. Obviously I didn't listen, and after I was injured, I thought – or hoped, that he'd forgiven me. Although I didn't ask for his forgiveness or apologize, not really, for anything that I'd done that had broken us apart. And Karen, they're together now – as they should be, but I haven't apologized to her, either. I showed her the mask, but I didn't tell her that I was sorry for the problems I've caused her."

"I don't know what we're doing here Matt, how I let myself get this deeply involved. Move."

"What?"

She pushed against his arm. "Move. I'm going."

"Liz."

"Move, Matt."

Matt started to speak but realized he'd lost this battle and acquiesced. "Yeah, okay."

"I'll call you later."

"Okay."

Matt sat at the table until the remainder of the food arrived. He'd forgotten it was coming. He dropped some money on the table, hoping it was enough to cover the bill, and made his way to the door. He had no idea where to go – he was used to having Liz in his place by now, and being there without her felt decidedly empty. The office was a minefield. If Foggy wasn't there, Matt would start to relive this guilt. If he was, they'd probably fight. Again. Matt just couldn't do it today. Instead, he headed somewhere he hadn't been in a while.

"Bless me Father, for I have sinned. It's been at least three months since my last confession," he started after the priest's initial greeting. He always chose his words wisely in here. "I'm letting people down."

"That's not necessarily a sin," the voice on the other side of the screen pointed out.

"No, but I could chose not to do so, and I haven't. I'm not sure that I will change that, even though I could."

"But you've not made this choice yet."

"No, but I made a bigger choice before in some ways, to do what I can to make the city a better place. You know this."

Father Lantom sighed. "I do. And while it's admirable, some could question its necessity."

Matt sighed. "I realize that."

"Evil exists, Matthew. There's nothing even you can do about that fact."

"All it takes for evil to triumph is for good men to do nothing."

The priest sighed. "There are plenty of things that can be done without sabotaging your closest relationships. I'll match your quotation with another: 'No man is an island.'"

"This isn't helping."

"It's not a counseling session. It's to ask for absolution for your sins."

"Oh, there are plenty of those as well."

"Would you like to unburden?"

"I don't know." He didn't want to get into all of that right now.

"Then should we walk?"

"Not today. I should go."

"You're always welcome here to pray or reflect or confess."

"Thanks."

Matt exited the confessional and the church. When he hit the street, he turned south toward home. He stopped in Duane Reade to replenish his home first aid kit – he hadn't had a chance since the night on the roof and knew he had to be running low on gauze. Rather than using technology or his enhanced senses, he asked the bored-looking guy behind the register to help him find his supplies. Sometimes it was much less conspicuous to be a regular old blind guy. He thanked the salesman before checking out and continuing toward his place.

As he climbed to the loft, he began to form a plan. He spent the rest of the day cleaning up around the house, doing dishes and laundry that he'd let pile up. Once things were put in order, he retreated to the roof. He needed to clear his head, and last night's adventure at Josie's hadn't helped at all. He meditated for much of the afternoon after which he ran through some physical drills to elevate his heart rate.

There were others working to protect the streets now and not just the Avengers. He'd heard rumblings of a less flashy, more rag-tag group of people making their own noise in his neighborhood and the city beyond. Maybe he could walk away, at least for a while. He'd present his idea to Liz in the morning. She wasn't working until Wednesday. So she'd likely be up packing for a while. Screw it. He'd go now.

He loved the city at night and 27 blocks was just enough time for him to put his plan into words, not unlike an opening statement. He reckoned this might be the most important speech he'd ever give. He felt he'd just about perfected it by the time he arrived. He found her buzzer, gave it a tentative press, and waited.

"Matt?" her voice crackled through the intercom, although he heard her without it.

"Can I come up?"

"Sure." Her answer came without pause and he exhaled a little as he pushed through the door and headed up.

She was waiting with the door open. "You're out late."

"Couldn't sleep."

"Me neither."

"I figured and hoped as much. And that you'd talk to me."

"Do you want to come in?"

"Do you mind to walk instead?"

"No. Let me grab some shoes."

Matt waited by the door. She joined him, and they descended the stairs together. When they hit the street, she directed them toward the Park and Strawberry Fields. They didn't stop to sit, though, continuing across West Drive to the Lake. When they reached the water's edge, she stopped and turned, waiting for him to speak.

"Before Elektra and I went onto that roof, I had decided to go with her afterward. She was the only person I knew who understood that part of me. Being with her allowed me to be who I truly am." He paused, but she didn't say anything, so he continued. "I'll go with you. But I have to have keep that part of me alive."

"In Star City? I thought this was about Hell's Kitchen or New York."

"There's corruption and injustice and organized crime everywhere."

"I'm well aware. I patch the bad guys up so they can shoot at us again. Remember?"

Matt hung his head. "I'm just saying that if Oliver Queen is out there trying to protect his city, he might appreciate some help from time to time. And it would be less involved than what I'm doing now. It would only be on those days when I need to hit someone and get results outside the law."

"Then join a boxing gym. This Arrow is not fighting petty criminals, as you well know. It would be the same level of corruption and evil as here, maybe even more so if Oliver is involved, with the same level of danger and a family to make you vulnerable. I couldn't live with myself if I or we somehow put you in a dangerous position."

"And I feel the same about you. So I keep my identity a secret. That's the point of a secret identity, of the mask. Besides, who's going to believe it's me anyway?"

"I guess." He did have a point there.

"I can't promise you that I won't ever need to run across a rooftop. It's not just something I decided to do, it's part of who I am, and if that isn't going to work for you, then we aren't going to work."

She thought about his words for a moment before looked up at him. "Okay."

"Which okay?"

"Okay, let's try it. Talk to Oliver and see what he says. I doubt he's going to just admit that he's the vigilante, but maybe you guys have a secret handshake or something."

"I'll figure it out when and if the time comes."

She hugged herself around the middle. "I'm sorry about this."

He wrapped his arm around her shoulder and pulled her into his chest. "Hey, I'm pretty Catholic, so I've got enough of my own guilt."

"I know. That's why I'm sorry to add to the things you have to think about."

He laughed. "Don't worry about it. I guess I should look into a job, though."

"Do you want me to talk to Oliver?"

"That might actually work. I could feel him out."

Liz rolled her eyes. "I'm sure you will anyway."

Matt grinned. "That's true. So we're doing this."

"We're doing this. But…"

Matt nodded. "I'll talk to Foggy and try to fix things the best I can."

"Good." She shifted in his arms. "It's late. We should go back in." They turned to exit the park, walking in silence through the Ramble.

"I should go," he revealed as they arrived at her building.

She entered her code to open the front door. "Or you could stay."

He stepped inside behind her. "Not tonight. I need to talk to Foggy and Karen."

"Want me to come with you?"

"Nah. It should probably just be the three of us."

"Right. No room for D'Artagnan."

"Hey, he eventually makes it in the end."

"Yeah, but after they disband."

"Well, I didn't write the book," he lamented as they arrived at her doorstep.

She reached up and kissed him, her palm on his cheek. "I'll talk to you tomorrow."

She closed the door, and Matt made his way back down to the street and continued down Central Park West until it turned into 8th Avenue before he turned onto West 52nd toward Foggy's place. He stopped at the corner shop to pick up a six pack before he buzzed them. Certainly that would break the ice.

TBC