Being shoved into a battle isn't something that Byleth is unaccustomed to. Though for the students, it was obvious that many of them had seldom faced the horrors of battle, the reality of the blood-stained road that tainted shadows. It was a juxtaposition (in her perceptions at least) to feel some sort of calmness in her environment compared to stormy nights with the feeling of despair lingering in the field. It wasn't unpleasant-she never admits to this being unpleasant when it's a relief to the tension that has been pent up within her entire body for the past several years of her life.
A mock battle is a lot friendlier. However, Byleth notices the competitive nature within Edelgard the moment their positions were taken. She notices how Edelgard looks at Dimitri as he rushes towards her, hearing both of them give an exchange of words before they charge at each other with their weapons. There was something about both of them within each other's presence that gives Byleth a feeling of curiosity. It just feels like they knew each other-the way they spoke about things (albeit it formally), the way they seemed to adjust to each other's fighting styles, and perhaps something else.
Nobles were more keen on forming political relationships. Byleth has heard many stories about how nobles may offer their daughters to other nobles as a way of forming alliances. Being betrothed sounded horrible. To be stripped away from freedom and giving away someone's life before they could even live it is a concept that she couldn't accept. She wasn't a noble, so of course, these matters didn't matter to her. Yet, the concept of Edelgard being wedded off politically is cursed; a world such as this was often too cruel and unjust either way. Byleth doesn't grasp the understanding of why she is thinking of such thoughts-it doesn't concern her.
Despite it being her first time as a teacher, the ways of the mercenary are ingrained in her blood. She manages to analyze the environment, predict the movement of her foes and form a concrete idea on what to do on the spot. She instructs Dorothea to use her thunder magic when Ferdinand weakens one of the opposing students. She instructs Edelgard to attack once Hubert uses his spell from the distance on another student. Byleth orders Petra to attack Claude while she launches herself in to finish him off from the battle. An archer among the ranks is dangerous. Distance is their boon. Yet, distance is the bane of those who do not have weapons that can be tossed.
Magic is painful. Byleth is unaccustomed to fighting against mages. When Hanneman and Manuela close in, the way the magic scorches at her skin, it burns her alive. To think that faith magic had punishment to its name. Many would believe that faith magic was all about healing, and only about healing. Those who underestimated the masters of faith magic were in for a surprise. Still, being a new teacher, many would have expected Byleth to fail compared to the other professors-years of experience were their advantage over her. Though, being a mercenary perhaps was the biggest advantage compared to mere teaching.
After all, it was one thing to know the theory and concepts of battle. It was another to be born and bred for battle.
It was over the moment Ferdinand and Edelgard strike the other two professors down, stealing the victory from both the Blue Lions and the Golden Deer. Chest heaving from the adrenaline pulsing through her veins, Byleth grips onto her training sword tightly for a brief moment, ridding the stress through her grip before relaxing it. It wasn't easy to lead an entire group of newbies into the battlefield-even if it was a mock battle.
All the praise she gets after the battle was... overwhelming. She wasn't accustomed to the praise (except when Jeralt was the one to praise her). Byleth simply nods at the comments, speaking when necessary. Of course, the mock battle wasn't easy, but it wasn't hard either. All sides fought well under the circumstances. She also notes that each professor had a unique fighting style and teaching style to boot. It would come in handy for her to remember when the Battle of the Lion and Eagle happens.
Despite all that, Byleth is still at the monastery, standing in her room, pacing back and forth. What was she supposed to do next? She had looked up all the resource material she could find in the library about Fodlan's history as well as training tips and tricks. She even received a gift from her father; the book was left unopened and barely used during the time. She had skimmed and memorized as much detail as she could.
The first week of classes wasn't too bad, or at least she thinks it went well. She had decided the night before to focus on teaching the students about sword techniques. Byleth even demonstrated her teachings by asking Petra to demonstrate. At the very least, visuals helped with learning-it certainly helped her when Jeralt took the time to home-school her. Going over the weapons and how to use them was all she could think of first.
Group tasks, on the other hand, were a whole other beast to deal with. Pairing Edelgard and Ferdinand on weeding duty...did not go as well-the way the orange-haired boy would make everything a competition. The result was not the best, but it wasn't the worst either. They'll have time to grow, she'd tell herself, almost hoping that it was sooner rather than later. Caspar and Petra for stable duty weren't as explosive as Edelgard and Ferdinand's task. Thankfully. The results from the sky patrol duty were fine as well.
Now? It has been a couple of weeks and Byleth is pacing back and forth in her room. It was a free day, but she had spent most of her early morning hours in bed pondering what is the best subject to teach her students. Maybe some training outdoors would benefit? They had a mission at the end of the month, and preparing them for actual bloodshed would benefit. Fingers grip onto paper, slamming it onto her desk. Byleth acquires her feather pen, jotting down the ideas for future lessons. Terrain advantage, dealing with calvary, pegasus knights, wyvern knights...mages, the types of magic that can be learned… At the very least, this would keep her thoughts organized.
"Quite the teacher you are, Byleth," Sothis chips in quietly-an attempt to prevent Byleth from being startled, "I would recommend implementing training on some days of the month to ensure that these students of yours are in tip-top shape."
"Hm." Byleth hums quietly to herself in response, fingers gently tapping at the desk, "you have a point."
Sothis did have a point. It was one thing to learn about the theory and understanding the best way to wield weapons, but it was another to use that knowledge. She immediately jots it down onto the paper in front of her. A good reminder.
It's peculiar how time works. Time can either be slow as a snail or be fast enough to the point that one may feel as if they didn't have enough time to do what they wanted to do for the day. Byleth finds that school-related work tended to pass time slowly as if she were treading in high-waisted water in a running river. However, despite that agony, she found the time to rest and invite Edelgard to tea. Bergamot has been a favorite of hers-expensive, but the citrus aroma that it gives out is therapeutic, even if the liquid itself was incredibly dark.
"I'm glad you called me here," Edelgard smiles, sitting across from the table.
"I'm glad as well," Byleth answers, pouring a cup of tea for the imperial princess.
Edelgard keeps her eyes pinned on the other woman, and peers down at liquid that was freshly poured into the porcelain cup. "Did you go out of your way to select my favorite tea?" There was no doubt that it was bergamot-the aroma alone gives it away, "Thank you for the thought."
Bergamot is your favorite too? Byleth blinks a couple of times before taking a sip of the hot liquid. "Bergamot is my favorite as well," she states, eyeing at the other girl, "it has been my favorite for quite some time."
"Oh?" Edelgard is curious-she knows, "I suppose that your life as a mercenary allowed you to travel and try different, new things."
"I...suppose so."
It's difficult to discuss her past. Byleth knows that speaking about it relives the agony she's endured over the years, but this is Edelgard. She was somehow compelled to tell her the truth even if it hurt. Yet, Edelgard doesn't pry, though, pale lilac eyes tell her everything. The concern that oozes from that tender gaze, the way Edelgard folds her hands politely onto the table, waiting for her response-her explanation. Edelgard is perceptive, and Byleth knows that she can't truly escape that gaze of hers.
"You sound unsure," Edelgard breaks the silence, "I won't pry what your past may bear, but it seems there is more about you than what meets the eye."
Blue eyes look downward for a minute. She thinks of an answer, "I don't remember much of my life outside a few things," it's half of the truth, "but I know I had someone close to me growing up. She shared bergamot tea with me...and I associated her with it."
Brown hair, purple eyes. That's all Byleth can remember. It's shameful, but the repressed memory made sense. It was meant to protect her. But why? Thoughts interrupt when Edelgard speaks, and it startles Byleth just a tad bit, "I see. I'm glad to know that someone was that dear to you. Memories are often grim reminders or the biggest of blessings."
It's both a curse and a blessing. Byleth simply nods and takes another sip of the tea. "You can have some of the baked treats if you want. I don't eat too many sweets."
The way lilac eyes sparkle and shine at that remark nearly catches the professor off guard. She watches Edelgard choose a treat with her gloved digits. Byleth's head begins to hurt, knowing that it is often due to being around Edelgard. It had been a few weeks already, and she's already associating pain with Edelgard. It doesn't feel right in the slightest. Yet, there wasn't much she can do when she had willingly chosen the most painful of paths to take. It was Edelgard who caused her to act in such a manner in the first place. To anyone else, Byleth simply felt nothing extraordinary aside from warmth, comfort, and company. Edelgard was quite an enigma to her.
Having tea with Edelgard wasn't as nerve-wracking as she had thought it would be. Spending time with royalty was always a pain. Having to uphold a certain facade to portray respect and politeness. Edelgard truly meant it when she had stated that she rather be treated like an equal. Normally from the nobles she had seen and heard about, she was the kindest of them all. "Edelgard," Byleth speaks again, rummaging through her supplies to bring out a stuffed teddy bear, "this is for you."
Being rewarded for a mission was surprising, but it was a cute gift. It would be perfect to give it to someone who enjoys plushies and other adorable objects. Edelgard seemed like the last person to enjoy such a gift, but she didn't have any other ideas on who to give it to. It seemed childish of her to give, but she felt that Edelgard could benefit from it. It looked nice enough for display if she wasn't going to sleep with it.
"For me?" Edelgard smiles again, taking the object from her professor's grasp, "I love it. Thank you."
Edelgard's smile causes Byleth to feel the familiar flutter of butterflies within her gut and in turn, causes her to form a smile of her own. Without much thought, her hand places itself on top of Edelgard's, feeling the warmth and softness of her hand (even if it was concealed by her white glove.) "I didn't think you would like it." Byleth admits, relief washing over through her body, "it almost seems...childish. I'm glad you like it a lot."
"It isn't childish to me," Edelgard replies, validating the thought, but forcing the concern away. "I appreciate it, truly."
Edelgard puts away the stuffed plush, and she puts her free hand on top of Byleth's as if to ward away the residual doubt. It was within that moment where Byleth's pulse pounds against her body. Her eyes stare at the white-haired princess, and she finds herself traveling back into the past, to where she had first enjoyed the simple pleasures of life. Purple eyes and long brown hair.
Purple eyes and long brown hair. Byleth's eyes widen in realization. The person she had forced herself to remember, the person that her inner demon kept caged within the back of her mind and from her heart.
"Edelgard…" she breathes out quietly, cold shock and numbness gnawing at every inch of her body. "
The person she had forgotten was in front of her. The person who gave her friendship was in front of her. The person who gave her kindness and love was right in front of her. The person that meant every damned thing to her, was right in front of her. Yet, Byleth finds herself unable to speak more than just the delicate name that came from the tip of her tongue. Her body feels cold, her throat is dry, yet the warmth from Edelgard's gentle hold was nothing more of a blessing and a curse. But she couldn't help but wonder if the other remembered who she was.
"Did you have anyone close to you when you were younger?" She dared hope that Edelgard remembered. She had truly hoped that she could get the answers to the abandonment she endured back then.
Edelgard blinks in surprise, though lilac eyes bear curiosity. The princess ponders for a bit and retracts the contact of hands, even if Byleth wanted to whine about that and still hold her hand. "The person that comes to mind is Hubert," she replies, almost guarded, "though I did have others for a short while."
"I...see." Byleth feels her heart beginning to crack again.
It...can't be helped, Byleth thinks to herself, trying to be reasonable with herself. It has been years…
"Professor? What about you?"
Edelgard's curiosity was nothing more than sheer agony for her poor beaten heart. The tightness and pain in Byleth's chest was nothing more of a grim reminder of the social hierarchy. It was to be expected. A commoner and a princess? The odds of everlasting friendship is slim. Compared to others in the world, she was just a mercenary doing her jobs here and there. There was no flourishing grass on the other side of that metaphorical fence.
"I had someone dear to me once." Byleth answers, looking down at the now cooled tea, "we did everything together. Go for walks...have tea together...everything. We did so many things, but she never came back one day."
Edelgard frowns at that remark, "I'm sorry to hear that, Professor."
Byleth shakes her head. "It's been years. She's probably...busy with other things. Forgot about me, but that is life, isn't it?"
The silence that comes after was ominous and only fueled that silent pain Byleth endures by herself. "Don't worry too much about me," Byleth peers into pained lilac eyes, and she almost wants to tell Edelgard to not look at her like that.
Edelgard doesn't speak much after that statement. She nods at it, taking it as a sign to keep quiet about the topic for now. "Thank you for the tea, Professor," she cuts the silence after a moment, "I'd like if we did this again. Thank you for the gift as well."
Byleth nods, "I'd like that as well. Feel free to invite me anytime if you do see me."
It was a brief exchange of words, but the weight on them fell onto her shoulders like thick steel. Being alone with her thoughts again, the professor couldn't help but clench her fists together, an attempt to vent through the frustration and pain building up through her body. Her breathing slows, deep and effective in soothing the demon that resides within her.
Compared to Edelgard, she was nothing but a mere weed in a field of flowers, protruding out like a sore thumb. Trying too much to fit in. Trying too hard to impress her. Trying too hard to get close to her. She's a teacher. Edelgard is a student. Boundaries had to be kept. They had to be. Goddess knows what Seteth and Rhea would do if they found out she was dealing with pent up feelings for one girl in the entire academy.
"My, my...so you do remember after all."
"Sothis...I." Byleth finds it difficult to fully speak.
"I know." she hears Sothis answer, calm, collected but her voice was tender-like a mother's voice soothing an upset child, "she was your best friend after all. It is expected to feel the wounds in your heart reopen due to the memories surfacing."
"She...drives me crazy, Sothis." blue eyes disappear from closed eyelids, the darkness is a temporary respite, "she takes my breath away...and I feel nothing but anguish when it comes to her. "