A/N: So, I got the feeling last chapter that some of you might have been somewhat confused with the end of it, and that's totally my fault for not getting into it a bit deeper. But, as I was writing that last chapter, I was already thinking about this one which sheds some more light into their pass. I also never thought that it would take me so long to complete this one, but I found myself stuck in the little details. Anyway... I hope this will give you some answers (while probably raise a few more, lol).
As always, thanks to Cophine, my beta.
When Monday arrived, an annoying knock on the door pulling me from a deep slumber, I felt reality crashing down. The weekend had felt like a dream. Delphine, while keeping some emotional distance, had rarely left my side. A rainy Sunday meant that going out for another tour was out of the question, but we took that opportunity to make a big dent in our work. The absence of students and the resulting curious stares in our direction allowed us to occupy the empty sitting area in the common hall, each of us stretched on a couch, while we completed a rough first draft of our paper. And although the blonde wasn't inclined to share any more of her private life, more than once I caught bright hazel eyes fixed on me with a contemplative gaze, alight with curiosity. Delphine quickly averted her eyes the instant she realized she'd been caught looking, but not without a brief glimpse of a small smile.
But Monday brought a return of the reality that surrounded us and I feared that the gentle ease of our unguarded conversations would evaporate, as if it had all been a figment of my imagination. So, it's no wonder that once I was ready, unsure steps guided me downstairs for breakfast.
The cafeteria was bustling with excited teenagers. Now and then, a laugh rose above all the noise, and although it was something I was expecting, it still came as a shock after the calmness of the weekend. It took a firm hand around my elbow for me to ground myself. My heart jumped and I spun around quickly, hopefulness transforming into disappointment in a fraction of a second.
"Hi Scott," I greeted my friend, unable to keep a slight sadness off my voice.
I was sure he had noticed how distracted I was during the entire meal. It was common for me to bombard him with questions about his weekend, probably to make up for the lack of interesting occurrences in mine. But that day I kept quiet, my eyes constantly scanning the big room, looking for a face that, no matter how hard I searched, I never found. Despite my disappointment, this was not unusual. Breakfast was always a mess and I wasn't exactly among the first to go downstairs. It probably meant that Delphine had been in and out in a jiffy.
What did surprise me was finding Delphine all by herself in the classroom once I got there. Instead of having the usual flock of excited girls around her, she was flipping the pages of a book on the desk, clearly not really reading anything and just keeping herself occupied. Not sure if my approach would be welcomed, I moved to my own desk at the back of the room. I wasn't sure if she noticed when I come in, but halfway through the lecture, as the professor was scribbling something on the blackboard, Delphine looked over her shoulder, meeting my eyes that were glued to the back of her head and showed me a small smile which I immediately returned.
Even more amazing was her coming to me at the end of the class, standing in front of my desk, the smile on her lips still subtle.
"I missed you at breakfast," she said, the volume of her voice low, keeping others from eavesdrop on our conversation. Even so, at least she no longer moved her eyes from me to assure that no one else was hearing.
I frowned, noticing a few pairs of eyes landing on us. "Yeah... I was a bit late," I answered, my hands ceasing the attempt to put some order on my desk when she leaned her back against it.
The remainder of our colleagues were moving outside in slow steps, excited whispers exchanged were joined by a few more glances our way before we were left alone. It also didn't escape Delphine, who clenched her jaw a few times with an annoyed expression and sighed heavily once everyone had gone.
"You know what they're saying, right?" I got up and stopped in front of her, but kept a respectable distance.
"Of course, I'm not thick," she confirmed, irritation on her tone, the French cadence on her words spiked by it, her lips forming a thin line.
The small demonstration of annoyance brought a smirk to my lips. "You don't seem terribly worried about the demise of your social status."
"You're the one who said I should get new friends," Delphine shrugged, the smile returning to her lips when she lowered her stare to meet my eyes.
"Oh dude, I can't believe you've followed my advice," I waved both my hands in front of us.
"Why shouldn't I?" She raised a brow. "It was good advice."
"So... That was the reason of all the commotion the other day on the courtyard?" I asked, but I really didn't need a response.
"You know better than anyone how people like to talk, whether it's true or not," Delphine said, her head hanging low and bracing herself with the hands gripping tightly the top of the desk behind her. "You were right," she added in a whisper.
I snorted. "It must be hard for you to admit that," I teased.
Delphine seemed amused when she met my eyes again and the moment of silence between us stretched longer than I wanted. It gave me too much time to question myself about what it all meant; where did we go from there. Was my seemingly undying hope finally paying off? Or was I wrong? Delphine's emancipation could mean just that: she was simply tired of following the norm and doing what everyone was expecting from her. It certainly seemed demeaning for the girl I've come to know and admire. Breaking the shackles of conformity.
Before I gathered the courage to ask her about it, students were returning to the classroom, even though the break would go on for another five minutes. Stares and gossip coming with them. I thought I saw a flash of disappointment, not unlike my own, in Delphine's eyes when she slowly returned to her desk.
For the next two days the rain pinned us to the building and our options were significantly limited. To Delphine's credit, she didn't falter in her resolve. Scott couldn't hide the shock he felt when the beautiful blonde joined us for lunch, tray in hands and a determined stride, she approached our table and sat next to me.
"Scott," she greeted with a head nod and a large smile when the startled boy answered her with murmured, indecipherable words.
"You've got to excuse him," I said, my hand aiming at my friend across the table. "Scott has communication issues."
"Oh... I see," she acknowledged gently and continued to smile.
Despite that initial awkwardness, Scott quickly adjusted to the new and completely unexpected reality. The transition made easier by Delphine, who had absolutely no difficulty in charming the boy - not with her staggering beauty or innate appeal, but with her mind. In no time, the conversation evolved to discussing any particular subject it was raised in class. It's true that I enjoyed every minute of it, satisfied to be proven right by the blonde, making Scott see why it was so easy to be held captive by Delphine, that it wasn't simply my raging hormones out of control.
Meanwhile, Delphine grew more comfortable around us with incredible ease. If my usually shy friend adapted fast to the new reality, our new companion, like a chameleon, changed her colors. Instead of the cold distance with which she carried herself the last year and a half, she showed a new, warmer and more inviting personality. She was still stubborn when pushed and unreserved about calling me out on something she disagreed with, but much less confrontational.
In a matter of days, Scott believed he had made a new friend and had all but forgotten the stories about the cold, heartbreaking bitch he'd heard about.
Yes, it was all fine, but I had a selfish side, it seemed. Not that I didn't mind sharing Delphine's attention with my long time friend, but what I really wanted was time alone with her, when we could talk freely without worries about how our conversation could be interpreted by others or how our gestures might be judged by malicious minds. Thinking I was alone in these feelings, when the rain had finally stopped, I gave no indication that our plans for meeting after class in the library had changed. Delphine herself mentioned nothing about it when we had lunch together, so after the meal I went up to my room to change and pick up the notebook with the notes on our paper.
To my surprise, the blonde was waiting for me outside the door of my bedroom, leaning against the wall right in front of it, instead of the notebook she usually brought to our meetings, between her crossed arms I saw the large sketchbook. She had a small smile and didn't need to say a word for me to abandon my notebook on the bed. When I turned, she smirked, moving down the stairs with me right behind her.
"We're so ahead on the paper, I thought we could use a break today," she said as we left the main building behind us.
"Yes, we've been working too hard," I agreed feeling giddy, "that can't be healthy."
Delphine took a different path that time, guiding us in the opposite direction we usually took. Despite the lack of rain, low, white clouds over our heads gave the weird sensation of a ceiling in the sky; the air cold but thankfully no wind. The woods around us were silent; no sounds but the leaves we crushed under our feet and the muffled chirping of birds, like it always happened when a big storm approached. We walked deep into the woods for a short time, but the high, untrimmed grass and dense trees were all around us and provided the sense of isolation. The only sound that I eventually heard was water, violently running downstream, swelled by the heavy rains of the last few days. When the stream was in view, Delphine gave a couple of quick steps to stand in front of me, her smile much wider and happiness sparkling in her eyes.
"Come on!" She encouraged excitingly, her hand wrapped around mine and tugging in a guiltless gesture.
A surprised giggle made its way to my lips as the suddenly relaxed girl pulled me a bit more forcefully, causing me to almost lose my footing. The contrast between this girl and the calm and collected person I was coming to know caught me completely off-guard. Still, Delphine's excitement was contagious and I felt my heart leap a few times out of rhythm while watching movements devoid of the carefully contained restrictions she placed upon herself. She paused abruptly, looking around us until her eyes landed on a small, sandy area.
"I want to try something," she said, pulling me again.
"Should I be scared?" I said, looking up at her when she, not so gently, forced me to sit on the sand, hardened by the moisture.
Delphine's smile became teasing, and she slowly lowered herself to sit in front of me, her back resting against a big rock behind her, our crossed legs touching at the knees. "I think you'll be safe," she answered, opening her sketchbook that she sat on the legs. "Mostly," she added with a wink.
"Oh great," I groaned, faking annoyance and running a hand over my face. Peeking between my fingers, I noticed her produce a pen from the pocket of her coat. "What do you have in mind?"
"I don't usually like to do portraits," Delphine informed me distractedly, flipping through large sheets of paper until she found a blank one. "So, you've got to give me some... artistic freedom."
"Okay..." I eyed her suspiciously, removing the hand from my face.
Delphine's eyes went to me and she narrowed them slightly, observing me intensely, and I felt myself blush under her keen interest, holding my breath. She smirked, my reaction not going unnoticed, but she made no comment, only her right hand moved forward, grasping a few strands of my unruly, wavy hair, and gently tucking it behind my back.
"I know this will probably sound tragic to you," she said in a soft voice, leaning back, "but try to stay still."
"Alright!" I croaked, nodding a couple of times and stopping when her stare hardened a bit. "Shit! Still... sorry."
Delphine snorted, shaking her head in weak exasperation. "Amazing..." she murmured.
Taking a deep breath, her facial expression became much more serene, the fingers of her right hand loosening around the pen, and with long strokes, she started to draw. Her eyes moved from the sheet of paper to my face constantly, her brows furrowed in deep concentration while her lips pursed tightly in a thin line, but the occasional little smile appeared to stretch them. How long we spent like this, I don't know; time passed by without me noticing it. Nothing prevented me from watching Delphine as intensely as she was observing me and I gave my eyes free reign to draw in my mind my own picture of her, etching in my brain the elegant curve of her jawline, the shape of her lips and the length of her pale neck.
The pen moved with precise strokes on the sketchbook braced on her crossed legs, Delphine's left arm holding it secure. Long fingers created a picture I could only imagine from where I sat, my back rigid.
As Delphine predicted, after a while I began to feel restless. The first sign of impatience came from my hands. Bored from staying idle too long, they began to fidget with the sleeves of my shirt. In addition, not anticipating that I would be spending most of the afternoon outside, I had left without a coat and an uncomfortable chill was steadily growing against my unprotected back, causing me to involuntarily shift to avoid shivering. Noticing this, Delphine glared at me from time to time, only to return her attention back to her work without saying a word to address my constant moves.
It wasn't until I leaned forward to steal a peek at what she was doing that Delphine quickly hid the drawing against her chest and scolded me. "You need to stay still!" She stated firmly.
"I'm getting cold," I finally complained.
Her movements froze suddenly, as if only then noticing my inadequate clothes, her eyes sweeping over my body. "Oh... I'm sorry," she said in a much lighter tone, her eyes softening. "You should've said."
"So... do I get to see it?" My eyes moved from her features to the sketch still held close to her, raising to my knees and reaching to tip the drawing into view.
She didn't relent, Delphine's arms stiffen harder. "It's not done," she said defensively and before I had any more ideas, she quickly pulled the other sheets down. "We can finish it another day," she concluded.
I twisted my lips, sitting back down on my knees, watching Delphine place the large notebook aside and dropping the pen on top of it, only to have it roll down the inclined surface and land on the sand. Both of us reached for it, but because it had rolled in my direction, I picked it up. Delphine's hand stopped just short of mine and after only a hint of hesitation, I saw her fingers wrap around my wrist, the cold digits instead of feeling uncomfortable against my skin caused a sudden pull in my lower abdomen, twisting it tightly. A lump quickly rose to tighten my throat when my eyes met hers, bright hazel orbs shifted between my features, a deep breath escaped from Delphine's lips and I swallowed thickly, but remained incredibly still, watching as a plethora of conflicting emotions crossed her beautiful face.
I didn't realize until that moment how her previous rejection had cut so deeply, how the way she pushed me away in the past had affected my confidence. I thought I knew what she wanted, but I've been wrong before. In that instance I didn't make a move, nothing could make me close the distance between us, not even when I saw Delphine quickly lick her lips and trap the bottom one with her teeth. I suppose she understood my reasons, that she wasn't insensitive about what caused me to stand my ground. The smallest smile curled her lips and in her eyes I could see determination grow as she brought her left hand to the side of my neck, with a light tug encouraging me forward.
Our lips brushed gently, the eagerness I felt in my chest pushed aside by the unexpectedness of Delphine's actions. However, unlike before when it was she who'd been surprised, in that moment it was Delphine's lips that engaged mine, soft and tender but with an undeniable conviction behind her gestures. Her lips moved smoothly over mine, attention payed to my bottom lip before she moved to the upper one. I feared that my inexperience was too palpable, the slow exploration made visible my unskilled lips. This was miles away from the rushed kiss was exchanged months ago and it was me who was reaching a tentative hand to her cheek, fingers grazing cold but delicate skin, while I struggled to keep my mouth from becoming too impatient. The task was far from easy and the awkward position we were in made it even more difficult; on my knees and fighting for balance so as not to topple on top of Delphine, but at the same time not wanting to stop, my mind was going in every direction and was unable to settle on only one action.
I whimpered when Delphine pulled me away with a light pressure of the hand she had on the back of my neck, but allowed her to put distance between us, wondering where all my boldness had gone. I opened my eyes and what I saw slightly deflated the swell in my chest. Confusion clouded beautiful features, her brows drawing a picture of doubt and uncertainty. I sighed and sat back, releasing the pen that I was still holding in my free hand and brought both my hands to Delphine's own, which was left abandoned in her lap, stroking the tip of my fingers along the soft skin.
"We don't have to do this," I tried to assure her, my stare locked with hers and holding her hand firmly. "We can just... like, hang out, you know?"
Delphine bit her lips and shook her head. "Non... that's not..." she paused and pulled a deep breath, her eyes lowering to our joined hands and she squeezed my fingers. "I like you, Cosima, but I don't know if I'm ready for this," she confessed in a whispered voice.
I tilted my head and a small smile curved the corner of my lips. "You... you like me?" I choked.
Finally, she rose her stare and showed me a smile of her own. "Of course I do!" She said in a stronger voice. "Do you think I'd spend so much time with you if I didn't?"
My smile stretched wider, self-assurance being rebuilt with every word. "Wow… okay..." I nodded. "I can be patient."
She laughed, a carefree, melodic sound that easily made a home inside of me. "Can you?"
"Sure!" One of my hands came between us and waved energetically. "We won't do anything you don't want to. You're the boss!" I aimed the index at her and winked.
"Bien..."
Her smile turned into a tantalizing smirk when she wrapped the finger pointed in her direction with her free hand and pulled while at the same time unfolding her legs, giving me room to get closer. I hesitated for a brief instant, slowly and probably very ungracefully, I dragged myself to stand before her, vaguely aware that this position allowed me to hover over her, looking down at her sparkling eyes, pink lips curved in a teasing smile. I licked my own lips, pressing them lightly, grasping for the control that I felt slipping away, but, given Delphine's narrowing eyes was unsuccessful to achieve.
"You can kiss me, Cosima," she stated firmly, eyes amused by my struggle. Her right hand curling around my neck and pulling me down for good measure.
Yeah, I can do that! The words locked in my brain, never spoken aloud because her mouth was a lot quicker covering mine and being extremely effective in shutting me up.
Our kisses remained fairly innocent, even if I was growing bolder with every smack of lips or when she deliciously pulled my lower lip between hers. It was much easier than I thought to fall into her rhythm, my lips moved against hers as if I'd been doing it all my life and, while I had daydreamed about it numerous times, I could never been prepared for how incredibly amazing it felt to have Delphine returning my affection, to feel her arms pulling me closer. She kissed me softly, only to respond more fiercely once I rose my hands to cradle her face and tugged at her. When the kisses started to grow too intense, Delphine would pull back, but the tender flesh of her lips remained within reach, as if to lure me back in, teasing, testing the slight control I had on my actions and tempting the pull that was steadily settling in my gut and spreading throughout my entire body.
Before long, Delphine's left hand was dragging on my lower back, gently inviting me to nestle against her body while the fingers of the other hand slowly played with the wisps of hair on the back of my neck. I felt no hesitation on her part when I pushed myself flushed against her, standing on my knees and gaining a few more inches on her. Instead, her hold became firmer around me and she pulled my head further down. I groaned against her mouth and really didn't have time to worry about how Delphine might react; her tongue danced over my lips, just a tender sweep, but enough for me to completely lose my already barely existing control.
I'm sure it wasn't hard for Delphine to feel me tense instantly, every muscle on my body became rigid, my heart was beating uncontrollably and I took a sharp pull of air. This was when she stopped me, tilting her head back, she broke the kiss and I would be a bit more embarrassed had it not been for the obvious difficulty Delphine was having to steady her breathing. It really didn't take much experience to know that it was a good sign, that I was doing something right.
"I think… I think we should stop," Delphine said in a croaked voice, pushing me away just slightly, but the tip of her nose sweetly brushed against mine.
"O...okay…" I struggled to keep the disappointment under control.
"You don't want to," she sounded a little bothered by it.
"No, no... I'm good!" I said quickly, reminding myself of the promise I made to let her set the pace.
She laughed quietly, the hand on the back of my neck dragging along my shoulder to rest on top of my collarbone, over my shirt. "You're a terrible liar."
"You say it like it's a bad thing" I commented, the arms I had resting on her shoulders sliding back a little as I pulled away to look her in the eyes, wondering if I had made a mistake by exposing myself so willingly to her.
"It can be," Delphine nodded slowly, her smile fading. "Being able to lie is a very useful tool."
"There's a depressing thought," I sat back on my bent knees, my body shivering again with the brisk weather.
I said nothing else as I saw the effort the blonde made to chase away the dark thoughts that had seemed to have taken hold of her mind with that simple exchange of words, unable to discern what could be the cause of it.
Delphine frowned, her bright eyes pinning me where I stood and the apparent nervous habit of bitting her lower lip had returned.
I reached out to her, my right hand touching her cheek gently. "Hey..." was the only thing I said, because I really didn't know what else to do.
Delphine sighed, turning her face into my touch and a small smile curled her lips. "Come here," she breathed in a low tone, her hands moving to mine and, with a little pressure, she encouraged me to turn around and lean against her. "I'll keep you warm," I felt her words on the curve of my neck, brushing my skin, while her arms wrapped around my torso, pulling me close.
It was somewhat effective in calming me down. I leaned my head on her shoulder, closed my eyes and basked on the feeling of Delphine's chest rise and fall against my back, my hands moved to cover hers and tugged at them, irrationally wanting to feel her even more, the warmth of her longer frame slowly soaking into mine. Soon, the turmoil had at least slowed and in its place came a comfortable tranquility, but still every single move Delphine made stroked something inside me and I was finding increasingly harder to remain still, my fingers constantly twitching on top of hers, creating nonsensical patterns over her skin. She took a deep breath and her body tensed, before she startled my eyes open by moving. Silently, I watched her reach for the pen I had dropped on top of her sketchbook and grasp my right hand, holding it palm up and resting it on the knee she had raised.
Without a word, she wrapped her left arm around me, pushing my sleeve up, revealing my right wrist. The first circular line she drew caused a slight tingle on my skin and, instinctively, I tried to pull my arm back, but her hold tightened, securing my hand still. The design grew on my wrist with every precise stroke of Delphine's steady hand. After the first thin lines of the draft, she worked around them, giving dimension and depth to the shape, bold lines shadowed the draw. More than once during the process, I held my breath, momentarily forgetting how to breathe, only to pull air sharply into my lungs with a deep sigh. Delphine's own breathing grazed against my cheek, her chin resting on top of my shoulder, allowing her to see her work.
"The nautilus shell," she said in a tick voice against my ear when she was applying the last details. "The golden ratio or the divine proportion. It's replicated all around us: the branches and leaves of the trees, the waves in the ocean, every molecule in our genome, even in the fingers of our hands."
She spoke while I watched the tip of her cold digits slowly trace the length of my fingers, dragging them gently from the palm of my hand to the tips, repeating the motion five times. The combination of her smooth voice and her gestures was causing another hurricane to rise inside me, I swallowed hard and pushed myself closer to her, feeling the arm she still had around me tightening her hold. To this day I have no idea if Delphine was fully aware of how alluring her actions were and if she did, how much of it was to see if I could hold my composure when she wanted me to, but the truth is that she never hesitated, the smooth motions of her fingers dragged steadily over my increasingly sensitive skin.
"Damn, you're a bigger nerd than I am," I murmured, distracted by the feeling of Delphine's arms keeping us close and the gentle reminder of her fingers dragging over my skin.
"It's commonly used in art, especially in the Renaissance," Delphine's fingers persisted in tracing the design she created. "It's considered the perfect combination of balance and beauty."
My eyes remained closed and my mind was drifting between thoughts. "Nothing is perfect, Delphine," I said casually, barely thinking about the words.
"Nature disagrees with you," she countered, the back of the pen tapping the shape on my wrist as if itself provided the evidence to her statement. "Besides, aren't we a tad too young to be that cynical?" Delphine offered in a steadier voice.
I moved my head to the side, eyeing her with a raised brow. "Clearly not," I answered grimly, but a small smile was already on my lips when my eyes met her features.
She hummed softly and brushed her lips against mine, causing my smile to grow into a happy smirk. "I'm sure you can change that opinion," Delphine's voice was a whisper that teased over my mouth, before she dipped her head further and kissed me.