Bucky's face was contemplative but he stayed silent for several minutes before starting to speak, a cautious tone in his voice
"Brie...do you remember...Before...Before...the crash..in the bank vault...when he-" he trailed off, swallowing.
"-Slapped you?" she stutter-whispered, the fuzzy memory playing in her mind.
He nodded, staring at the roof of the car. "Why did you do what you did?"
Aubrey thought about his question, hissing quietly under her breath, remembering how something inside her had snapped.
"Something in me...my conscience, broke through the fog that was my mind. They had no..no right to act that way...do what they did-" her voice cracked and she felt a tear roll down her cheek. "- our humanity was taken from us" she sniffled, wiping her face with the back of a hand, mumbling "sorry". Aubrey knew that if she kept bundling her feelings they would eventually explode but old habits die hard, Hydra had turned her into a robot. Something tentatively touched her shoulder and she stiffened, but it was only Bucky's hand.
"Life is the mission." he murmured.
"Life is our mission" she mirrored, feeling oddly comforted but human touch. They drove in silence and out of the corner of her eye, Aubrey saw Bucky pull a leather book out of a bag, along with a pen. He started writing in it, his letters becoming more confident. The day passed slowly, they skirted through Pennsylvania and drove into Ohio.
"Do you know of any safe-houses in the area..?" Aubery broke the silence that had seemed to stretch endlessly. Her mind tried to remember the various locations of safe-houses but it was still foggy. Bucky nodded and directed them to a small run-down looking house. Aubrey immediately exited the car, a revolver in hand as she nimbly walked the perimeter, Bucky checking the inside. The neighborhood seemed quiet enough with mostly elderly couples living in it. Neither one of them complained at the leaky ceiling or mold-smelling rooms. After a muted dinner of canned food, Aubrey settled on the floor beside the musty couch, wings in front of her. Her eyes stared at them, a warm feeling bubbling up as she stroked the feathers. These wings were hers and had been for a very long time. Bucky had sat at the table, she could see him through the archway, scrawling in the leather journal. Focusing back on her wings, Aubrey started re-attaching the feathers but she felt his hot gaze on her back. His voice was just loud enough for her to hear as he started to speak
"I remember...my family..and Steve...bits and pieces seem to float to the surface...I remember the first mission..at the dinner party-" Bucky paused and Aubrey glanced at him, noticing his pale complexion. "-with the poison, after your first wipe...after..he was dead you..you started crying. But then the programing kicked in…-"
"I...Is that what you are writing in that?" she motioned to the journal and Bucky nodded. A small frown lit her face as she tried to remember the mission he was talking about but nothing surfaced, instead, something else popped out of her mouth.
"Do you like strawberries?"
Bucky's face morphed into surprise then confusion before he mumbled "I...Don't remember".
"Maybe...we can buy food….tomorrow" Her words were soft, mostly to herself but Bucky grunted in response, going back to his journal and Aubrey to her wings. Fixing loose wires, she fiddled with them, starting to put the shimmery wings back into their original form. Absentmindedly, she started to mutter to herself in German, mixing in clicks. Chunks of feathers seemed to be missing and she paused, the fog taking its chance to move into her mind. Aubrey's eyes glazed over and she called harshly for her commander. When he didn't come, she looked up in confusion to find the Soldier watching with a cautious look in his eye. Something pulled in the back of her mind as she worriedly looked around for her commander, finding herself in a rundown house
"Wo ist Kommandant?" [where is commander] Her words were suspicious, angry.
"Futch, Wir sind jetzt frei, Ihr Name ist Brie" [gone, we are free now, your name is Brie] he answered calmly. She felt her spine stiffen at the name and blinked several times, trying to clear away the fog. Something in her mind loosened and Aubrey's head fell into her hands as she breathed
"I'm back" but the words were lost in a quiet sob. Fear gripped her stomach, she didn't want to be the Eagle anymore...didn't want to kill or fight.. Gulping down snot, she gazed at the Soldier, whispering. "You're Bucky..and we..are here..away.."
He nodded, coming close and wordlessly putting a blue leather book at her feet before leaving to walk perimeter. Fingering the soft leather, she pulled it open and took his pencil. But the words didn't come...instead she sat there numbly, unsure what to write….afraid to write the horrors they had committed. After several moments, something came to her mind and Aubrey started to write in a mix of German, French, and English.
My name is Aubrey….Brie… I was..kidnapped by Hydra many years ago...and it was my fault...I knew I had been in danger...Hydra changed me. I'm not Aubrey anymore. I've been The Eagle ever since.
Hydra removed my nails and embedded metal ones that grow into talons. My canine teeth have been sharpened and my bones infused with metal. They gave me a serum that strengthened my body. I'm not human anymore.
But Hydra is gone.
I am free.
But I don't think I'll ever be free, not with the programming still in my mind...or the memories that plague me every time my eyes close.
I see them..flashes of the lives I've ended.
My mind is a mess of memories and fog, sometimes the fog..takes over and I am left scrambling. I'm trying to live..be normal...But I have killed people and I will never be normal again.
I remember my family...My parents, they were the best, I have two brothers..their names...I can't remember. I have grandparents, cousins, and my aunt and uncle. A game I used to play with my cousins..called Assassin, everyone would draw a piece of paper from a jar and one person would secretly be the assassin, people would hide and try to figure out who the assassin was. It is...odd how close that has come to my real life. I'm here with Bucky..the Soldier, he talks about someone named Steve who is Captain America now. It sounds like they were good friends.
I dream..of the past, of things I've done, people I've killed, families I've torn apart. I wouldn't be mad if someone...decided to kill me because of what I've done. It's..disgusting.
Hydra took away my humanity and I am going to do everything in my power to earn it back. I am going to hunt down every rat who I ever worked with, but I will not kill them. I'm tired of death...so tired
Her mind emptied of words and already a new sense of peace was working its way through her. The book closed quietly and she vaguely became aware of the sound of clicking keys on the computer.
"Thought an extra would come in handy-" he murmured, nodding to the blue journal. "-It..helps organize everything."
Aubrey nodded and picked up the remote on the side table, fiddling with it for a few moments before turning the T.V on. Flicking across the channels, she finally settled on a news channel. But Aubrey frowned as the screen flashed a picture of the remnants of the S.H.E.I.L.D base.
"This is Carolina Zozaya, with channel 10 news. Four days ago we found out that S.H.I.E.L.D had been secretly taken over by The Red Skull, otherwise known as Hydra. For over 90 years Hydra has been operating out of bases across the world, making anyone who suspected of them disappear. Former Hydra Operatives James Buchanan Barnes and Aubrey Kaylinn Cristo, otherwise known as The Winter Soldier and The Eagle were seen leaving the Helicarrier crash sight. Several of our crew members have searched through the information dump and found multiple pieces of evidence that prove just how many people have been murdered for Hydra. But today Captain America came forward in an interview."
Aubrey watched as Captain America came on screen and started to talk, Bucky had heard the report and came over with the computer, plopping onto the couch. When Captain America came on screen he closed the computer and leaned forward, resting his elbows on his knees. His eyes seemed to scan every inch of Captain America and Aubrey watched as something flashed in Bucky's eyes. She was pulled to the T.V, listening to Captain America's words with fervor.
"Captain Rogers, how can you explain your former friend's actions?"
"Bucky still is my friend, wherever he is. It wasn't him all those years. Hydra had a chair that took away all your memories and reprogrammed you. Anything done these past years was Hydra, just Hydra. The same goes for The Eagle when Sam and I fought her there was a moment when she stopped and her eyes cleared. But when someone spoke to her through her commlink her eyes glazed over. It wasn't their fault. Wherever they are now I hope that they are helping each other safely return to reality.-" Captain America paused and looked right at the camera "-Buck if you are watching. It wasn't your fault. Take care of each other. I'm with you to the end of the line pal."
The screen changed back to the news anchor but Aubrey had muted the T.V and was looking at Bucky, waiting to see his reaction.
"You could go to him, you know, he would protect you." her words were quiet, she didn't want him to go. His presence helped ground her.
"I don't remember anything about him except for what's online and a couple of memories. I...just want to stay like this, to disappear."
"We will never be truly able to disappear, some will always look for the ghost stories, the people who should be dead."
"I know….it's not fair" Bucky's head tipped back and he blinked hard.
"It's never fair" she stared at a brown spot on the wall, faintly wondering if this had been a victim's house at one time...If that was the blood of an innocent person Hydra had deemed dangerous.
More red in their ledger, convincing her of just how much had happened during their time at Hydra...How much they didn't remember...a constant reminder that anyone could use them at any time...all they had to do was say those words...
But she wouldn't let that happen...she couldn't.
Aubrey wasn't sure if they would come back again if they went back under.
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