The ride back to Warsaw is long, and once again, the slippery ice covering the road doesn't help. At least this time, Delphine's at the wheel, which allows me to rest during the trip.

I had a restless night. Although I did sleep, when I woke, with my body wrapped on Delphine's once more, I still felt tired. Dreams plagued me all night long - or it felt like it. We were back in boarding school, covered in a white sheet of snow, but no longer teens; adults, as we are now. Daniel was there for some reason, as well as Sarah and Felix, and when I was called to the administration office, it was Siobhan looking at me with a reproving frown. That's all I remember, no matter how much I try to rack my brain for pieces of the dream.

This morning I got up before Delphine, slipped out of the bed and onto the bathroom for an early shower. When I returned to the bedroom, she still hadn't moved. I packed the few things I had spread throughout the room during our short stay, and set the luggage by the door while Delphine slept. It was so early that John recruited me to help with his chores and I had company during breakfast while we enjoyed the bread I had taken out of the stone oven. We were outside, looking after his chickens before Delphine appeared with sleepy eyes, but looking well rested.

Our host helped us load everything in the trunk of the car, saying that his house is open to us for whenever we want to get away from the rest of the world. We thanked him, pet the dog goodbye, and Delphine took the keys.

I'm unusually quiet. The only sound is the rolling of tires over wet pavement and the radio tuned to the same station from when we arrived. Delphine glances at me now and again, a small crest between her eyebrows from the permanent frown. She can sense my disposition, my unsettled demeanor, but says nothing for miles.

"Have you talked with Daniel yet?" She eventually asks quietly, her eyes steady on the empty road.

"No," I say, my gaze moves briefly to her and almost immediately back to the side window. "I'll do it once I'm back at the hotel."

"Are you sure that's a good idea?" Delphine says with caution, clearly aware of my mood. "They did try to attack you…"

"They wanted the briefcase," I cut her off dryly and turn my head around to look at the backseat where Oskar's notes are back inside the briefcase. "I'm not taking it with me."

"You're not?" Delphine sounds surprised, her eyes going to me for a fraction of a second.

"No," I answer. "You're keeping it and taking it back to the States," I explain. "Once there, we'll find a way for you to give it back to me."

"I see…" she murmurs to herself. "And what are you going to do in the meantime?"

"Like I said, I'm gonna have to call Daniel to see what he says," I repeat. "I might try to look into some more businesses that LLC has made, try to find a pattern."

"That's not your job, Cosima," Delphine reminds me and I can easily detect the concern in her voice.

"Is that what you're doing here, Delphine?" I ask with an edge. "To make sure I only do what I'm told."

"Are we back at that?" Concern turns to annoyance instantly. "I thought we moved past this."

"Just because I stopped asking doesn't mean I'm over it," I say, her irritation spiking my own.

Delphine shakes her head, mumbles something in French under her breath that I can't understand, and her hard stare locks on the road before us. It's many miles later before I feel her eyes fall on me again, and I hear her take a deep breath, but Delphine remains silent, the soft rock the only noise.

I have my head against the window, my eyes closed most of the time, but I do not sleep, my mind won't let me. I'm not entirely sure why I'm snapping at her like this, and the only explanation is the remnants of the dream. It's irrational, it was only a dream, no matter how real it felt, but I know it comes from real memories intertwined with present events.

"Why did you break up with me?"

My question slices through the air, breaking the silence like glass shattering unexpectedly. Immediately I feel the energy shift inside the vehicle and the fragile balance lost with those words. Delphine tightens her grip on the wheel, knuckles turning white, and she straightens her back against the seat, her body tense.

"This is not the time for that," she tries to brush me off, her voice hard as steel.

"I don't see a better time for it," I counter, the casual shrug I give completely at odds with my disposition. "We have miles ahead of us and plenty of time to talk."

The muscles of her jaw flex and she continues without looking at me. "It was such a long time ago, Cosima. Why can't you just let it go?"

"I think we've established that I'm not good at that." I don't disarm. I want my answer. This is one question I can't simply ignore.

Delphine sighs, defeated, and her gaze softens, but she continues to look ahead. "If you're looking for some grand justification, I'm afraid you'll be disappointed," she eventually says.

"I just want the truth, Delphine," I reply in a soft voice, staring at her, trying to read her expression but it reveals nothing.

"What do you want me to say?" She asks exasperated, her tone gaining momentum. "People were talking and I broke under the pressure. I thought I could take it, but eventually it caught up to me."

"People always talk," I comment when she goes quiet again, in an attempt to pry more from her.

"But I wasn't like you," her voice rises, the grip on the wheel tightens again. "You were right. I did care what they said about me. Besides, it somehow got to my mother that I was socializing with a known lesbian," at this she stops to emit a sound between a laugh and a scoff. "Probably one of the girls told her mother who talked with my mother who talked with my stepfather… you know how these things go, spreading like wildfire."

I shake my head and she's right, I'm disappointed, but not exactly surprised. Of course Delphine would've caved, I guess I was just holding on to the hope that there was something more than that. If it was that simple, I wanted to believe she would've at least put up a fight.

"They threatened to transfer me, Cosima," Delphine adds quietly after a few seconds of silence.

"So?" I snort. "As far as I remember, it's not like you loved that place. You said it yourself that you couldn't stand the people in there."

"You were there!" She deadpans without hesitation. "And yeah, I might've gone about it the wrong way, but I did have a plan."

I'm speechless for a moment, unsure how to react to her words.

"I needed to get them off my back," she carries on without waiting for my answer. "That's why I did what I did, said what I said, and yes, I'm sorry I had to do it in front of everyone else, but that was necessary."

"You could've warned me," I murmur, my voice finally coming out. "How could I've known you had some plan?"

"How?!" Delphine's voice raises again, her stare going to me for a moment. "I was constantly under someone else's radar. You were… lucky, Cosima, that people didn't care about what you did. I didn't have that privilege."

"You have funny definitions for luck and privilege," I say somewhat cold, but I do understand what she's saying. Still, I bite back out of habit maybe because I've hold on to my bitterness for so long.

"That may be," Delphine doesn't disagree. "Nonetheless, that's why I stayed out of your way. I needed to play my part," she goes on to explain. "I was going to tell you when I felt the time was right. It was a miscalculation on my part."

She stops and shakes her head to herself once more, her breathing shallow and rapid, constantly readjusting her position on the seat. Delphine is getting restless, her posture tense, her foot heavy on the gas until she catches herself and eases off, slowing to a speed more appropriate to the condition of the road.

"I thought I had time…" she says quietly, like she's talking to herself. "Although I should've known, you never were very patient and when I was ready to talk to you, it was already too late." Delphine pauses to laugh bitterly. "And just my fucking luck, you go ahead and get yourself expelled!"

"You say that as if I did it intentionally," I put up a weak defense for what she's telling me, not liking the way she's wording her side of the story.

"It might not have been intentional, but it was reckless," Delphine counters. "I'd warned you and you ignored it. I guess you had other priorities at the time, like finding ways to sneak out to do God knows what with God knows who," she adds and her voice is cold again, her fingers flexing tensely on the wheel.

"That's rich coming from you!" My anger is bubbling, the jealousy in her words feels incredibly misplaced. "We were done, you made sure I knew it. Not even one week later you already had some douche all over you."

"I told you, I needed them off my scent!" Delphine's voice wavers slightly with fury, her eyes still on the road. "What I didn't think was that when I came to tell you, you wouldn't bother to listen, you never gave me the possibility to explain myself. And now, that it doesn't matter, you want answers…" She scoffs.

"So, let me see if I get this right: it was not enough for you to humiliate me in front of everyone else, you needed to have some dude attached to you, and then you wanted to talk with me, give me your explanations?" I ask, resentment pressing my words, not expecting or waiting for an answer. "Great plan that was… what was it? Having everyone believing that you were straight and when they were thoroughly convinced of that we would go back to how things were?" I keep pushing and she remains silent.

"Has it ever occurred to you that I didn't want to be your dirty little secret?" The anger that has been stored within me through all these years comes out in force. "At least Lucy wasn't ashamed of who she was. At least with her I wasn't always wondering when she would push me away," I add, knowing that the words would hurt her in some way. "I was sad when you so unceremoniously discarded me, but I wasn't exactly surprised and that would always be the problem with us. You didn't know what you wanted."

"Oh… I'm sorry if I was struggling with myself, I'm sure it gave you an hard time," Delphine says, her voice rising and the touch of irony in her voice is almost palpable. "But I'm so fucking happy that you had no problems finding someone who could give you what I obviously couldn't."

"Yeah… you couldn't give it to me, but had no problems giving it to every other guy." My words are bitter, harsh even to my own ears, but I'm so wired up that I don't think of taken them back.

This time, Delphine does look at me, and the anger is still there, burning hotly in her golden eyes, but there's something else in her gaze that I can't put my finger on it. "Oh, fuck you! You of all people should know better than to believe everything you hear," she says quietly and it's a stark contrast to the way we were exchanging accusations, but somehow it sounds sharper.

After that I'm quiet, her words struck a chord and I'm left speechless, stunned by the pain I can hear in her voice. Delphine's breathing is shallow for a couple of minutes, her eyes sparkling with a silent fury. She is dead set on the road, in a obvious attempt to ease her anger, but her body seems to be refusing to relax, her back ramrod straight, her hands gripping the wheel with force. I stare at her sideways, while she speeds over the limit for miles, before she releases a shaky breath and slows down. But most of the time my eyes are out the side window, watching the bare branches of the trees bowing heavily with the weight of the snow. The sight is postcard material, but my dark thoughts don't allow me to appreciate it.

It's hard to believe it now; looking at Delphine I see a confident woman, even then that was the image she projected and I, like everyone else, had bought into it. But she was just a teenage girl, like myself, she obviously had her insecurities and dealt with them the best way she knew how. Was it the best way to do it? Probably not, but she doesn't deserve all the anger I gave her. I'm not even sure why I choose to say that, maybe because I knew it was the most effective way to hurt her. I'm so used to seeing her as the bad guy in our story that that was my knee jerk reaction.

"I'm sorry, that was uncalled for," I swallow my pride and admit in a quiet voice.

"This is why I didn't want to talk about it," Delphine says, briefly looking in my direction. "What good will do to drag the past back into the light, Cosima? What's done is done," her voice is much calmer, the voice of someone who has come to terms with the past. "There's no point on assigning guilt after so long. I understand why you'd be angry for how things turn out, I don't blame you for it, you didn't know what was going on. However, I'm not willing to carry all the blame for it either."

I raise my brow suspiciously at her. "Didn't you blame me even a little bit?"

"Well… I wish you hadn't gotten yourself kicked out." Her chuckle surprises me. "I mean… smoking pot in the church…"

"I was looking for some sort of spiritual elevation," I reply between a smile.

"Did it work?" She's laughing openly now, the corner of her eye on me.

"I didn't have time to get there." I shrug and she continues to laugh.

It takes us some time to regain our composure and when I catch Delphine stealing another glance, her golden eyes are bright with humor, her smile comfortable, which I return with a grin of my own.

"I hated you for a while," Delphine admits quietly, and for a moment I'm not sure if she actually spoke the words. "When you were gone… part of me felt betrayed. I know it was unfair, selfish even, but… " she pauses again, shaking her head. "You were my only friend, Cosima. Maybe I was more mad at myself than angry at you, because of how everything failed so spectacularly."

Delphine holds my gaze for as long as she dares to take her eyes off the road, a sad smile on her face. I don't know if she's waiting for some sort of answer, but I have nothing to offer her that would serve as any sort of comfort. I could say I'm sorry, but that would've been dishonest. It might not have been her fault, and I no longer blame her for it, but I'm not ready to take this upon myself either. The only thing I can do is respond to her in the same manner, a corner of my lip rises in an half-assed attempt of a smile.

Out of nowhere a lightning slashes through the gray sky, announcing the powerful thunder that follows and shakes the earth and a rain so strong that the wipers can't work fast enough to keep the path ahead visible.

"We need to stop," I state the obvious.

Delphine hums. "Yes. We had to anyway, we need to refuel and get something to eat," she says, her eyes peeled on the road, the car moving slowly. "There's a gas station in a few miles, we'll stop there."

"How do you know that?" I ask.

"I studied our route this morning," she answers with simplicity.

"Right! Delphine, the woman with the plan!" I joke, trying to lighten the mood that still feels too tense.

"It's no secret that I like to be prepared," she defends in a tone that tells me she's not exactly finding my teasing funny.

"What you like is to be in control and you lose your shit when you don't have it," I correct her and I can see her scowling, even if her stare doesn't go to me. "I mean… I can appreciate that, but remember Delphine, everything in moderation."

"I do not lose my shit!" Delphine pushes back, sounding even more defensive in the process. "And that's an odd advice coming from you."

"Alright, alright…" I raise both my hands, but start to laugh. "No reason to be mad about this."

"I'm not mad," she mumbles to herself.

"Sure…"

I let it go, but continue to glance at her, amused by the frown that persists on her brow while she concentrates on the blurry road through the heavy rain.

After a few more minutes we arrive at the promised stop, the gas station exactly where Delphine said it would be, and despite my words, I'm actually thankful for her preparation. I leave her to take care of the fuel for the car and the food for us, while I find my way to the toilet. When I exit, I look around confused, the car is no longer next to the gas pump, and only when I notice Delphine's arm waving at me, do I see her. She has moved the car to an area not too far, parked under a white, hard plastic cover, Delphine leaning against it, smoking a cigarette and with a couple of bags set on the roof of the vehicle. I stare at her for a moment, simply because, in order for me to get there, I have to walk quite a bit through the rain. But she remains unmoved and even from a significant distance I can see a pleased smirk on her lips. I raise both my hands, signaling her to come get me, but she only shrugs, unfazed by my predicament and, if I had any doubts about her ploy, they vanish.

I run fast, ducking my head but that doesn't prevent me from getting drenched. The smirk is still on Delphine's lips when I finally get to cover, stopping in front of her.

"Happy?" I ask, waving my arms to try to shake some of the water.

"Mildly," Delphine says with a large grin and takes a drag of the cigarette.

"Fucking unbelievable," I murmur, going over the plastic bags and get a bottle of water and a wrapped sandwich. "Karma will bite you in the ass, you know…" I add, unscrewing the bottle to quench my thirst.

"I think I can take a little rain without bitching," she shrugs.

"A little rain?! I almost drowned out there!" I complain.

My stare fallows her while she lowers herself to put out the cigarette on a puddle and drops it in a nearby bin. Delphine is unmoved by my argument, and she continues smile, getting food for herself.

The rain drums violently on the plastic over our heads and on the asphalt. At least it's not windy, and the large drips fall straight down to the earth. The sound of the rain is only interrupted by the occasional thunder, the center of the storm getting closer.