The two soldiers lapped back into their comfortable routine, both took turns doing perimeter throughout the day. When nightfall came Aubrey fished several boxes of macaroni out of a cabinet and did her best to cook it. Half the noodles seemed either overcooked or undercooked but neither complained. Bucky offered to take first watch but she waved him off, wanting to do some research on her computer. He grunted before stomping his way up the stairs to the open-style loft. Aubrey spent the next four hours researching Nebraska and various things she remembered from her past life. Bucky woke by himself around twelve-thirty, his strangled scream brought Aubrey to her feet, bow in hand. Cautiously she tip-toed up the stairs
"Bucky? It's Aubrey" her voice echoed through the cabin as she stepped to the top of the stairs. Bucky was standing, his spine ramrod straight, icy eyes clouded over. His eyes snapped toward Aubrey and he stiffly walked towards her.
"Ich wurde vom Freund des Ziels konfrontiert. Granite verloren"
" [I was confronted by the target's friend. Threw grenade. Target lost] his voice was unnaturally gravely as he spoke, devoid of any emotion. Glacier had heard the commotion and had ventured up the stairs, hovering behind her legs, sensing something was wrong, he woofed softly as he nuzzled Aubrey's foot. Frantically Aubrey tried to mimic what his commander would say.
"Gut gemacht. Ihre nächste Mission ist in-" [Good job, your next mission is in.] "-Ihre Mission ist es zu leben" after a pause Aubrey switched to English "-The mission is to live. Bucky blinked hard, taking in the request. His eyes slowly cleared and he looked around, face twisted and stricken with grief as he sat back on the bed. Bucky mumbled something under his breath.
"What?" Aubrey asked, tentatively coming closer. The bed squeaked as she sat on the edge, giving Bucky space to leave if he wanted.
"I killed her. I killed so many people. I'm so guilty..I...I can't breathe" Bucky's chest heaved as he stood and strode downstairs. The sound of the screen door clicking played in Aubrey's ears. Standing to her feet in one fluid movement, she followed. Gently she lay her bow on one of the lounge chairs before making her way to where Bucky was standing by the fence. Aubrey's enhanced eyesight helped her locate him in the dark, his arms were crossed as she sidled up to Bucky's side.
"Do you remember...one of our first missions, the man with the green suit..?-" Aubrey didn't wait for Bucky to nod before moving on. "- Right before he took the...poison he said, you will be found, go to your Commander and tell him that Hydra will be burnt to the ground. Your crimes will be brought to light and you will have to live with the guilt for the rest of your life. He was right.-" Aubrey paused to let Bucky soak it in, her eyes roving across the empty field in front of them "- We were found, Hydra was burnt and our crimes, our guilt? It will be there for the rest of our days. But, it wasn't our fault. If right now I put a gun in your hand and asked you to kill someone, would you do it?" He didn't respond "Would you Bucky?" His mouth opened and closed several times before words formed
"No….would you?"
"I think you know the answer to that-" Aubrey murmured "- Right now we are learning how to deal with everything and it will take time but it's better to face it head-on. Instead of continuing to live in guilt...we need to do everything in our power to right our wrongs." Bucky nodded, sighing, the weight of the world seeming to be on his shoulders. The Soldiers stood side by side in the dark, a comfort to each other. No one would ever understand what they had gone through. They were freaks of nature, people who shouldn't exist...yet they do. Hydra had designed them to be dependent on the chair, yet they were here. Free...free at last. The two Soldiers alone knew what the other had gone through and even though others may try to understand...they never would. Time passed and eventually, Aubrey herded Bucky back inside, retrieving his journal from the table and placing it in his hands. Exhaustion overtook her as she flopped onto the bed and for the first time in months, her sleep was deep and dreamless.
Aubrey woke to the sun streaming in through the many windows. Bucky had watched the rest of the night and hadn't woken her when he was supposed to. Standing up too quickly she swayed on her feet, gripping the bedpost until her vision cleared. Glacier extracted himself from his cocoon in the blankets and followed Aubrey's half-awake steps. Blinking hard, she tried to force herself awake but Aubrey's eyelids continued to droop. Bucky was sitting at the kitchen table, a mug of coffee in his metal hand, and a newspaper in his flesh one. He nodded to Aubrey before turning back to the paper, his leather journal not far from his reach.
"It says here in the paper-" he paused to drink the coffee, draining it in one gulp. "-that it's common for people to participate in runs. Maybe something to try." he murmured the last sentence to himself. Aubrey nodded along and proceeded to guzzle the rest of the coffee straight from the pot. Coming over, she examined the papers he was done with, a runner catching her attention. The runner sported yoga pants and a tank top, the thought of wearing something that revealed so much of her arms disgusted Aubrey. But an idea nagged the back of her mind, going back upstairs Aubrey changed into similar-looking yoga pants and a short-sleeved shirt. Bucky gave her an odd look as she came back down, a small grin lit her face as she retorted
"Going for a run, did you forget what you just read old man?" Bucky growled as he stood to his feet and pulled on his combat boots.
"You need to respect your elders." Opening the door he motioned for Aubrey to go. Grabbing her pistol, Aubrey strapped it under her shirt, Bucky doing the same. Glacier followed at Aubrey's heels as they started at a jog. The Soldiers jogged on the side of the road, following where it led. They ended up in front of a red barn, a familiar smell filtered through Aubrey's nose. Horses. The man from the day before walked out from the barn, spotting them immediately. He walked over,a smile on his face
"Good morning! Glad to see you took up my offer!-" he paused and looked behind them, surprise clouding his face "-You walked all the way here?" When Aubrey nodded he blew out a breath, whistling. "That's sure a long run. Follow me and I'll give you a tour"
Aubrey grinned and followed the man, Bucky hesitating before following suit a second later. The man took them around the whole ranch, introducing them to the horses, Aubrey admired the man for rescuing so many horses. Afterward, he invited them to the little cottage for lunch. His wife greeted them warmly and served freshly grilled cheese sandwiches. Aubrey decided that these were her favorite food. After lunch, they thanked the older couple and jogged back home. The next few days passed quickly, Bucky became quieter than usual. At the end of the fourth day, Aubrey sat on the edge of the couch, eyeing Bucky, who was watching some show on T.V.
"Sooo-" she started "-It's been four days and nothing has happened. I thought I would maybe try to send a message to my parents." her voice cracked at the mention of her parents. Bucky paused the T.V and thought about it for a moment before nodding.
"It...goes against everything about being in hiding but...We both need it." Aubrey felt her face light up, a grin plastered on it. Jumping to her feet she grabbed the computer and tried to figure out how to reach her family. Eventually, Aubrey was able to track down an email address, after sending one, she finished working on something she'd started several nights ago.
At the store, she had picked up an empty book and at the first safe-house, she had taken a Polaroid camera that had been there. Ever since Aubrey had been taking pictures and compiling them. In the book, she had attached the pictures and written about everything that had happened. Both her and Bucky's recovery from Hydra. After finishing the book Aubrey wrote a message at the front for her parents before closing it and stashing it in her duffel bag. Aubrey took the first sleeping shift, she fell asleep quickly and only woke when Glacier kicked her, his legs running in his dream.
Getting to her feet Aubrey looked at the digital clock on the nightstand, it read two fifty-five. Bucky hadn't woken Aubrey for her shift to keep watch, her fingers closed around the Glock she kept on the nightstand. Creeping down the stairs, her senses on alert for anything out of place, she scanned the room but only found a very awake Bucky watching T.V the volume low and his journal on the coffee table, along with a large cup of coffee. Frowning Aubrey crossed her arms and looked at him. "Why didn't you wake me up?"
He shrugged "You hardly sleep as it is, figured with your nightmares giving you a break you would actually sleep for once."
"What about you?"
"Sleeps overrated."
"Well, thank you. Glacier woke me up so you can go sleep now." Aubrey plopped onto the couch, massaging her forehead with her fingers. A headache nipped the back of her mind as Bucky sighed.
"I...don't really want to."
"Why not? You need to sleep"
"Because...I don't want everything to come back. Every time I close my eyes I see things." Aubrey stood to her feet and disappeared into the bathroom, returning with a small bottle of pills. Bucky's eyebrows raised as he eyed the bottle.
"Melatonin, I don't recommend taking it every night but it..helps you fall into a deep sleep and stay asleep. Picked it up a couple of days ago. Wanna try?" Bucky stood to his feet and trod over, taking the bottle and observing it.
"Worth a try...I guess." He opened the bottle and tossed one into his mouth before tromping upstairs. The bed squeaked and Aubrey did her rounds before settling back on the couch. The night passed quietly and by morning Aubrey had packed everything, including Glaciers toys and the various knick-knacks she had picked up along the way. Bucky didn't get up until after nine. Aubrey had let him sleep longer considering how he had done the same for her. After the soldiers wolfed down bacon and eggs they got on the road. Minutes, after they started driving Bucky, started to nag Aubrey
"Can I drive?"
"No way."
"Why not?"
"I'm afraid for everyone else on the road if you drive." Aubrey chuckled as Bucky scowled at her. They drove for most of the day, leaving South Dakota and driving well into the night. Aubrey finally pulled into a little motel just outside of Omaha. After getting a room the two soldiers brought only their overnight bags and Glacier inside. Aubrey disappeared into the bathroom for a shower, Bucky did a round of the room. He checked for cameras and listening devices, finding none he settled onto the bed, a book in hand. When Aubrey exited the bathroom, a black hoodie and yoga pants on she ran her brush through her hair. Aubrey's ash-blond hair had grown to just past her shoulders; she refused to cut it until completely necessary. Hydra had been in charge of so many in her life...it was nice to be in charge of something so small as to her hair length. After deftly braiding her hair Aubrey eyed the book Bucky was reading.
"The Power of Now? What does that even mean?" Putting her Glock on the bedside table Aubrey plopped onto the bed, grinning when Glacier joined them.
" 'bout how to not get lost in one's head." Bucky's voice cracked from disuse. Aubrey scanned the cover, noting the crisp, newness of the pages.
"Sounds like something we could both use a little more of. I can take first watch."
Bucky chuckled under his breath, getting off the bed. " No, you sleep. I'll wake you in a couple of hours." Shrugging, Aubrey slipped beneath the covers and turned off the lamp. The thought of seeing her family tomorrow excited her beyond reason and she drifted off with a fuzzy image of her family in her head.
Bucky woke her around two in the morning, stiffly Aubrey stood and stretched her limbs. They whined in protest from disuse, Bucky plopped onto the bed and fell asleep quickly. After her rounds, Aubrey settled at the kitchen table, eyeing the self-help book with suspicion. After scowling at the book Aubrey drug it across the table-top, opening to the first page. The book proved somewhat helpful, talking about how many people suffer from bad mental images that revisit often. The book talked about various exercises that can help bring yourself back to the present. Before she knew it Aubrey looked at the clock and gasped in surprise. It was just after eight-thirty. Aubrey dug through her duffel bag and changed into one of the few shirts she hadn't worn yet. A dark red ruffled short-sleeve blouse, she paired it with a darker pair of jeans and her combat boots. Letting her hair down Aubrey woke Bucky. They packed their bags, fed Glacier, and got onto the road once again.
They left Albion Nebraska and an hour later entered Omaha Nebraska. As they got further into the city people started to dance in front of Aubrey's eyes, past memories plaguing her mind. Snippets of her and others walking down sidewalks and driving around flashed like a stop motion film, swirling faster and faster until everything seemed a blur. Aubrey felt her lungs start to contract, gasping she pulled into a parking lot for a playground. Bucky had started saying her name but it sounded gurgled and far away. Opening her door, Aubrey fell out of the car and onto her knees, she grasped at the cement, lungs screaming for more air. A shadow fell over her as Bucky crouched in front of Aubrey, his voice low.
"Brie, I'm here, it's alright. You're safe. What you see is from the past." After several minutes Aubrey felt her mind relax, leaning back she let the sunshine on her face as she breathed deeply, using one of the techniques from the self-help book. Aubrey repeated to herself everything she had done yesterday, bringing herself back to the present... Bucky had continued to speak the same thing over and over.
"I'm here, your safe." and Aubrey latched onto the words, whispering
"I'm here...I'm safe. A single tear traveled down her face "-I kept seeing myself and other people and everything kept flashing faster and faster. Sorry"
"You have nothing to be sorry for Brie. Are you okay?" Aubrey gulped and nodded
"Yeah..yeah I'm okay. Just need to drive slowly. Bucky held his hand out and Aubrey let him help her to her feet. She sat back in the driver's seat and puffed a breath out of her lips. Bucky sat back in the passenger seat, murmuring under his breath
"Are you sure you want to do this? It might be more painful than you think."
"I..need to do it...It's time. Need to face the memories head-on. Just...prepare yourself."
"I'm here" Bucky echoed quietly as Aubrey started the car once again.
A/N* Thanks for all the favorites, reviews, and follows! Y'all are the best!