Chapter 6

Little House on the Prairie

This particular walk was always a long one. Was it because the path, in a figurative sense, led Olivia directly to places she didn't want to go? Thankfully, she didn't have to do this often. Visits to her psychiatrist were as rare as a five leaf clover. Today was a rare day. Olivia's bold move from last night dictated it. By the time she had traversed the maze from her car through the foyer of the glass gilded high rise and onto the elevator, she was ready for this session, ready to politely ignore Dr. Chase's suggestions that she come to sessions more often. That might make more sense to some, considering she paid Dr. Chase monthly for visits she rarely used. Olivia lived by her own brand of what made made sense.

"Olivia, it is nice to see you," said Dr. Chase, extending his hand to hers after she walked into his office, "I was pleasantly surprised to get your call last evening that you would be in for a session today."

Olivia smiled and grasped his large cool hands. "I'm glad you were available on such short notice," she said, taking a seat across from him on the familiar leather sofa.

Dr. Chase smiled and his eyes twinkled in that way of his that gave her much comfort. He reminded her of Charles Ingalls even though his mane of thick black hair had long since greyed and his face held the landscape of a well-worn path. When she visited him as a child, more regularly than she did as an adult, Olivia would imagine she was traveling to Walnut Grove to see the Ingalls family and sometimes to be Laura Ingalls. It was her escape from the sadness of her home after everyone knew her secret. Those days of childhood fantasies were over. She was no longer a child, and this was not "Little House on the Prairie."

"Olivia, I always leave an hour open for you each day I see clients. It is appropriate as you have me on a sort of retainer. I wish you would come more often or at least stop paying for all those sessions you don't attend," Dr. Chase said, though he knew his words were making no impact.

He grabbed his notepad and settled back in his chair. "So, what brings you in today?" he asked.

Olivia removed her jacket and slowly folded it lapel to lapel before draping it over the back of the sofa and smoothing it down. She set her bag on the other side of the sofa as if it needed its own space. Next, she propped her hand on the arm of the sofa and rested her head on her fist.

"I am going to have sexual intercourse," she said.

Dr. Chase lifted a bushy eyebrow and scribbled something on the notepad. "Despite your grave tone Olivia, this seems encouraging, but you think it isn't? You've met someone?"

Olivia lightly brushed the soft leather of the sofa's armrest and then shook her head. "No, Dr. Chase. I am not in an intimate relationship with anyone. I'm doing this for Euphoria. I've analyzed the options, and having sex is the only way I can move forward and beyond this situation. I need to process so…I'm here," she explained.

Dr. Chase made a few more notes and tilted his head before focusing his stare on her. "Olivia, you will need to give me more details. It would be terrible for me to assume anything. I know the nature of your business so the only thing I can guess is that you plan to star in a pornographic movie?"

Olivia chuckled, instantly feeling less tense. Dr. Chase knew how put her at east, to create the conditions to make her more forthcoming, which was one reason why she limited her sessions. "Someone stood in the way of a recent business venture at Euphoria. I tricked this person and was able to remove the barrier. The person found out and decided to force me to make amends by working with him. Instead, I offered to have sex with him if he would leave me alone," she explained.

"Go on… since there are still major holes in the narrative" Dr. Chase said.

Olivia reached for her purse and pulled out a pack of gum. After taking a piece, she offered the pack to Dr. Chase. He nodded and said, "No, thank you."

She chewed, loathing the loud sounds her chewing made in her ear, but she needed the gum to make it through the session. It grounded her in some strange way, kept her from leaving. It would be nice to have some coffee now, but it wasn't feasible.

"Dr. Chase, I'm pretty certain this man is interested in me. Well, he told me as much…said he found me—Olivia threw up air quotes—intriguing and wanted to get to know me better. His interest is not genuine or genuinely about me. It's just because of what I do, what I sell that has him so interested. He is a very high profile politician who is months away from being reelected. He's not interested in a relationship with me. I think he wants a thrill. So…I told him I was asexual to get him to back off. Unfortunately, he wouldn't leave me alone and insisted I work for him. I had the idea of offering him what he wanted, sex. He agreed so here I am," Olivia explained.

Dr. Chase scribbled frantically on his notepad before setting it down. He leaned forward and made a pyramid with his fingers, pressing the summit to his nose.

"Do you plan to follow through…have sexual intercourse with this politician?" Dr. Chase asked, but continued on without her response. "because if you are it is…Wow, Olivia. This is very interesting news. No…interesting is not the right word. I would say incredible. Considering your history. particularly surrounding sexuality, this is a breakthrough. For you to initiate sex is remarkable—"

Olivia lifted her hands. "You misunderstand, Dr. Chase," she said, slightly raising her voice, "This is not remarkable and doesn't mean that I feel anything remotely like sexual desire for this man. I'm doing this for my business. But I did have a breakthrough I'd like to share with you. I am now convinced that my lack of sexual desire has nothing to do with the molestation. Yes, the trauma of it affected me deeply, obviously but I am realizing I would have been like this even if I hadn't been molested …" she explained.

Dr. Chase frowned. "I must interject. It had a profound impact on you, Olivia…your emotional growth and development. You've made great strides. They way you mentioned, just now, that you've been molested as a fact without all the pain. That took years of work, but you haven't had any significant lasting relationships and…unless something has changed…been sexually active…"

Olivia felt open and ready to unload her newfound revelations. "Because I have chosen to focus on my career…that is the reason. Those have been my decisions made deliberately and I think think I made them subconsciously because I am asexual. I recently hired a sex therapist who is asexual. She helps women achieve orgasm through orgasmic massage. Being asexual gives her an edge. She is not subject to the same vulnerabilities and clouded judgment in her job in the same way she would be if she were not asexual. That is why I've been so successful with Euphoria. My asexuality helps me to see past the baggage of sex. That clarity has helped me to thrive in my business and in life," Olivia explained.

She was sure Dr. Chase did not agree, but she continued.

"I have the perfect illustration. I had to reprimand two of my executives and a recent hire for becoming entangled in a sexual relationship. Apparently Abby and Harrison harbored a buried sexual attraction that manifested initially as dislike. Another employee recognized that and was able to convince them to have sex together with her," Olivia said, shaking her head in pity, "Harrison is married. Abby is committed to Euphoria. I don't know the other employee so I have to attribute her lapse in judgment to the fog of sexual stupidity. For years, I have accepted my frigidity as a symptom of the molestation. Now, I think it is who I am on a deeper level."

Dr. Chase picked up his notepad and resumed writing. When he glanced at her, Olivia didn't see what she wanted in his expression. She saw compassion instead of understanding.

"Olivia, I am happy that you feel you have a sort of…answer or rationale for your sexual problems…er…shall I sexual choices. I think it is healthy for you to be reflective, using the situations around you as parables for yourself. With that said, I would recommend you see me twice a week," he said.

Olivia frowned. "Twice a week? Why?" she said.

"I think it is premature for me to—" Dr. Chase said.

"Please…" she said, sternly.

"Considering you might not be back to see me; it behooves me to give my initial assessments. Well, for you to offer your body in this way to this person tells me there is something about him you are attracted to or he symbolizes something that you are attracted to. I'm not sure if the attraction is sexual, but there is something there. Only you know what it is, Olivia. I think you need to face what that is and embrace it since it could lead to a turning point in your life. I can't speak to the validity or non validity of you begin asexual. It is not my area, really. I can say that sexuality is complex, more than just biology. It involves many aspects that interplay. I don't agree that the sexual trauma you experienced as a child and your current sexual choices are unrelated. Since I treated you for it, I know they are related. I can strongly suggest you see me twice a week whether you go through with this sexual transaction or not," Dr. Chase advised.

Olivia stood, grabbed her bag, and jacket. "Dr. Chase, thanks for your time," she said with a wan smile.

Dr. Chase stood as well. He extended his hands cocooning Olivia's inside of his and smiling warming. "Olivia, would this high profile politician be Governor Fitzgerald Grant?"

Olivia's eyes widened in shock, but she recovered. "Y-yes, why?"

"Just curious. It gives me some context. I hope to see you in two days," Dr. Chase said, hopefully.

Olivia walked away and slipped out of the door retracing that long path back to her car.

"Fitz, I don't like that look you are giving me. What is it?" Cyrus said. He set his eyes on Fitz and waited.

Fitz leaned back, heads behind his head, legs outstretched, and his oxford laden feet propped on his desk. It was almost 7 and he was ready to head home right after he talked to Cyrus. "Well, I'm about to start dating someone…someone who will not meet with your approval. You are going to question my reasons and do everything in your power to convince me against dating her because it may hurt my chances to get reelected. I, in response, won't be convinced and despite your protests will move forward. I will say that I want to get to know this person better and am interested in her in the way any red blooded male is interested in a woman. I'm not thinking about remarriage. I'm a man who wants the company of a woman he finds interesting and attractive. Incidentally, I'm a man who is a governor. I've served faithfully in my first term and will do the same if I am reelected. What I won't do is let people's perceptions prevent me from doing something I want to do."

Cyrus rose form his chair and swiped his hand through his hair. "Who is this woman, Fitz? All of your window dressing is making me nervous," Cyrus said.

"Olivia Pope," Fitz said. He couldn't contain his smile as he waited for Cyrus's response.

"What? Olivia Pope? The sex toy company CEO? The one who bamboozled you! With all due respect sir, I don't have to tell you how this will hurt your chances for reelection. You need to be thinking about potential partners who are marriage material! Could you imagine what the press is going to do with this? We have this election in the bag. Just a couple of short months…"

Fitz didn't say a word. He figured he'd give Cyrus the space to launch a fifteen minute tirade before he left there to go home.

Olivia leaned over the claw footed tub and tested the water under the jets. It was the right temperature. She poured in a drop of argan oil and a cap full of milk bath salts. Reaching the end of the financial report, she smiled as she turned the page to the bottom line. In the last 30 days, Spa Bliss had made a sizable profit.

She jumped at the sound of her cell phone's ring so absorbed in the private joy of her success. Laying the report on the sink and wiping her hand on her terrycloth robe, she answered.

"Hello," she said.

"Ms. Pope, this is Abiba. I'm sorry to call you after hours, but I have an important issue I must address with you," she said.

"It's fine to call me anytime Abiba. Remember to call me Olivia, though. What is the problem?" Olivia said. She walked to the tub and shut off the jets.

"I want to reduce the capacity of Spa Bliss. My staff and I are reaching the limit of what we can provide at a quality of service..."

"Do we need to hire more staff?" Olivia asked.

"No. We need to reduce how many appointments we take in a day. I recommend we reduce and reevaluate after 6 months. This is such delicate work, Ms. Pope. We don't want to become a drive by," said Abiba.

"I respect your opinion and remember you mentioning a similar problem at Lotus. Before I make any decisions, we need to have an executive meeting. I want to hear more about your concerns. Are you okay with meeting early next week?" Olivia said. Had this been any other employee, Olivia would have immediately disagreed. Abiba was different. She commanded a different kind of respect and regard. This was something Olivia admired.

"Yes, Ms. Pope. I'll wait to hear from your assistant," Abiba said, "Good evening."

"Good evening," Olivia said.

Olivia tested the bath water again. She hoped she could change Abiba's mind. She vowed to be open to hearing her rationale for reducing capacity. Abiba was the expert. Evidentally women were flocking to Spa Bliss for that peculiar feeling of the orgasm. Olivia wondered what an orgasm felt like. Her 8th grade sex education teacher had described it like the feeling of peeing after holding it in for a long while. She'd also heard it described as the sensation of sneezing magnified by 1000. Olivia opened her terry cloth robe and placed it on the silver hook. Catching sight of the reflection of her naked body in the floor length mirror, she stopped to have a look, imagining what the governor would think when he saw her naked. Her breasts were not quite tiny but small, a good hand full. They were a hand full for her, but probably less for him since his hands were bigger. She grasped her breasts, pushing them up and together. She pouted at herself for effect. She released her breasts and let her eyes travel to the patch of thick pubic hair at the juncture of her thighs. Combing her fingers through it, she wondered if she should trim it or cut if all off. The women in the videos she'd watched periodically for field research usually sported smooth bare pubic areas. Olivia grasped a tuft of the hair and pulled it taut.

"Wow, maybe a trim should be in order," she said, "Since I've never cut it before…"

Olivia spun around and viewed her body from behind. She posed, hugging herself and imagining her hands as Fitz's. She agreed that her body shape was her best asset. Since she was slightly pear shaped, fat didn't collect around her upper body, back and waist. It went straight to her butt and thighs, though there wasn't enough there to characterize her as hippy. Her mother assured her it was coming if she ever had children or when she got older. Suddenly remembering a scene from a porno she'd watched, she bent over and touched her ankles as much as she could. She craned her neck around to see her vagina in the movie from this view, realizing that she'd never seen it quite this way. In the movie, a man penetrated the woman from behind while she sucked another man's enormous penis. When Olivia pulled the lips open between her legs, she was amazed at all the pink skin, shiny with moisture. Some of the moisture was white and thick like cream. When she tried to investigate, she loss balance and fell hard on her hip. The fall was painful and jarring. She hobbled over to the water and gingerly lowered herself into the water. In that moment, she decided that she would not let Fitz see her body when they had sex. Instead, she would play into his probable fantasies, the ones she imagined he shared with all men. She would be in control. Maybe she'd just take him into her mouth and let him ejaculate there. Frowning at the thought, she felt a little nauseous making a mental note to look into an inconspicuous dental dam. She'd hide it under the covers and he would be none the wiser.

Later, Olivia heard ringing, but she was confused. Where was it coming from? Where was she? When the inside of her bathroom came into view, she realized she had fallen asleep in the tub. The phone continued ringing.

"Okay! Okay! I'm coming! I'm coming!" Olivia chanted, rising from the tub, sloshing water over the sides.

Her calla lily shaped clock read 8:30. Who was calling at this hour? It had to be someone from work. Receiving a social call was rare for Olivia.

"H-hello," she said, drying off briskly.

"Good evening, Olivia. Is this a good time to talk?" asked Fitz.

Olivia's heart gave one distinct pound. She was shocked to hear from him, though she knew he would be calling at some point. "N-n-no, this is fine," she said, biting her lip to stop her stammering.

"Great. I was due to call you so we could arrange a time to meet," he said.

"Yes, of course. I know of a discrete location near Toco Hills—" she offered.

"Olivia, let's talk about that. Now that 24 hours have passed, do you really want to meet me and have sex? One and done? I'd rather us get together for a nice dinner at my townhome, the same place you've been twice before. I would love to take you out in public, but I think we'd be more comfortable in a low profile setting this first time so—" Fitz said.

Olivia planted her hand on her hip as if she were standing in front of him. "Wait…did you say first date?" Olivia asked, her voice rising slightly.

"Yes, first date…implying a second if things go well. I realize your offer of sex was your way of…actually…I don't know what that was. I hope you don't think I am one of those politicians looking for a quick lay. I am not. I am decent…relatively," he said before a brief chuckle.

Olivia sneered at his attempt at flirting. She was two seconds away from ending the call. She had been anticipating this call for a day, looking forward to setting a date. All this build up just to find out that he was being disingenuous the entire time. Anger and something else she couldn't quite name permeated her body. As she held the phone, listening to his breathing she recognized the other feeling as disappointment. Why in the world do I want to have sex with this idiot? she thought.

"Send…send me a date, location, and time. I'll meet you…I'll meet you there. I have to go," she mumbled.

"Like I said, the location is my townhome and—"

Olivia disconnected the line and powered off the phone in case he called back. She jerked open the cabinet drawer and pulled out an unopened pack of trident gum. Chewing angrily, she wished she had remembered to buy more coffee.