Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto
III.
.
"Hey. What's wrong with your eyes?"
Sakura flinched at the sudden voice in her room and raised her head to see Ino glamorously leaning on the threshold of her office, in a white overall and with a little flowerpot in her hands.
"Oh, uh… didn't get much sleep last night." Sakura waved with hand and closed the documents she was done signing. She noticed the colourful set of tiny flowers in her friend's hands but had no idea what they were. "What's that?"
"Just something to brighten up your dreadfully unhappy office."
"It has colours alright!" Sakura protested, but Ino's meaning look made her chuckle. "Yeah, I know. Thank you for the flowers, Ino. Appreciate it."
"Don't make it all dramatic, it's just flowers." Ino left the pot in the corner of Sakura's desk with a quiet grunt. Then her icy gaze remained on it for a while as if estimating whether it fit the interior. "So, what medical help did you say you need?"
Sakura stood up with a creeping smile, putting her hands together like an evil genius, and it made Ino raise a brow.
"I call it the MMR party."
Ino rolled her eyes. "Screaming infants all day. Gotcha."
Sakura shrugged. "I set this day for MMR and TD vaccines in the hospital. Lots of people will be coming our way and I need all the medics I can get."
"Right." Ino squinted. "Let's get to work, then. You'll gotta tell me what's with those violet eyebags sooner or later, though. Can't run away forever."
"Huh?" Sakura turned to her with surprise.
"You ain't gonna tell me what's going on? Are you alright?" Ino put her hands on her hips and stood at the door.
"There's nothing to tell. I was just overthinking things. I'm fine." Sakura gave her an honest look and another authentic shrug to go with it. Not a lie, but not the entire truth either.
Ino stared at her continuously until she let out an annoyed puff and moved away without asking any further questions, of which Sakura was grateful. However, Ino waited for her to leave the room and hooked her hand around her arm, starting to babble about Inojin's MMR experiences and how she discovered Sai's terrible discomfort around needles and how she ended up having to calm down Sai instead of Inojin, which was equally funny and tragic itself.
Ino only hooked their arms like that when she tried to distract her from something or make her feel better. It brought a smile on Sakura's face. Nevertheless, not many things could distract her from what happened to her last night.
It was a bad habit that she never got rid of, nibbling at her nails when something was gnawing at her enough to have her turn into a nervous wreck. It was even worse that she had to face the silence of her apartment, the quiet minutes she had to spend under the shower and the darkness of her bedroom when all the lights were out.
Her body refused to relax and let her sleep, she was curled in a bundle under her sheets with her eyes wide open and her mind as troubled as it usually was at this time of the night. She had no idea how to deal with this state of mind so she just let it seize her completely.
Sakura lied awake for a long time, thinking and overthinking, and amidst the deepest fear and wonder… If she couldn't have what she wanted all her life, then what was the point? What would become of her? Was she going to become a hollow shell of a person and wait for her life to end? Was that what people did in her place? What did people even do in this situation?
The questions flowed through her mind ceaselessly, each of them more and more worrisome, until her lungs didn't start struggling to keep up with the heavy weight and the suffocation in her chest.
Then her breath suddenly hitched. There was a strange, shadowy silhouette in the reflection of her dressing table that she noticed just now. It was behind the window, perched on the sill and… watching.
She abated, freezing in her place. Her breaths shallowed and her heartbeat gradually increased. That wasn't a bird of prey, she knew the splash of wings would've given it away long ago. Such soundless observation was a trait of many, but a gift of few in this village. Stillness and silence merged to perfection.
Could it be that her tired mind was making up mirages?
Her heart pounded loudly in her chest and she squeezed the blanket, unsure whether she wished to turn around or just pretend to be sleeping.
When she finally decided to turn around, there was nothing on her window anymore. She slowly stood up from her bed and walked to the window, where she looked outside and found the street and roofs desolate. Her palm raised up to touch the glass thoughtfully.
What happened in his mind?
"Shh, it's alright. It's alright." Sakura was furrowing sympathetically to the small, fluffy ball of a human she was currently vaccinating as it cried its lungs out. The mother was just as worried, but it wasn't like Sakura could do much about it.
The vaccines were standard procedures and it was obligatory to go through them. It was the early afternoon and all the medics were busy handling the noisiest part of the population. Ino was right next to Sakura and did her best to remain professional, but it was starting to get really tiring when screams were all they heard and the patients didn't seem to have an end.
"Maybe I should extend the vaccine term to more than one day," Sakura spoke out-loud, for Ino to hear through the next one in the open line of nooks they operated in. Sakura just opened the curtains to hers, so that she could invite the next infant in and so did Ino. "It's hellish."
"You know," Ino stepped to her nook with a sigh. "You could've stayed in your office. You're the boss."
"No… I can't possibly lie around when there's so much work." Sakura's voice was absent as her eyes scanned the glass wall across them, separating them from the hospital's main lobby.
"Good afternoon," Ino greeted the mother who timidly crossed Sakura's nook and carefully handed to Ino her baby. "Look at you! Goodness, mine was half the size." Ino was terrified, apparently imagining having to give birth all over again.
"I'm married to an Akimichi. I had time to mentally prepare myself." The woman confirmed with a chuckle that infected Ino as well. But Sakura's restless eyes caught a tint of silver in the mass of people coming in and out of the hospital, and she jerked back behind the curtain with some kind of chilling wave washing through her.
Ino's laughter died out when she noticed her friend's pale face and she smiled at the woman. Sakura forgot about having to take care of the vaccine for one long moment, staring at the tilted white floor, while Ino did it instead of her and sent the woman away with some advice Sakura couldn't quite hear.
Sakura fearfully looked up to see Ino shifting her icy gaze from something in the distance to her shrunk friend with deep confusion. She slowly pulled the curtains to assure them a little privacy and folded hands, staring back at Sakura most inquisitively.
"Overthinking, my ass." Ino blurted out.
"Ino, it's nothing like this." Sakura's hands raised up with a defensive gesture. "I-I just…"
"Alright, I know he's always been dad material, but he can kinda be your dad as well. But hey," Ino raised her intonation, nodding more to herself, "I'm not judging, the guy's handsome as hell. Is he as good as the legends say, though?"
"Ino!" Sakura hissed, a flush splashing on her face as she saw Ino shrug remorselessly.
Ino was silent for a moment, then she sighed heavily. Her amusement was replaced by thoughtfulness.
"That crush you were talking about when we were teens but never told me the name of?"
Sakura remained speechless, looking at her at a loss.
"The reason you split up with all those crazy hot dates I arranged to you?" Ino went on, counting on her hand and observing Sakura's complete faze. "The excessive amounts of missions you volunteered to while we were under the jurisdiction of The Sixth?"
Ino stopped, waiting for a reaction and Sakura just put her hands in the pockets of her overall, nodding with sadness.
"Girl, you have to do something about this." Surprisingly, Ino's tone wasn't as mocking as Sakura could have expected. It was more on the sympathetic side.
Sakura shook her head, quickly putting a lock of hair behind her ear. "H-he doesn't want to discredit me."
"You sure that's what's going on? How about the other way around?"
"Yeah, that too. Doesn't matter, it's the same dead end." Sakura moved absently, cleaning the small hospital table in front of her.
"And what if it's neither?"
Ino's brainstorming questions were a usual occurrence, but this question got Sakura unprepared and she stopped her motions, green eyes up in wonder.
"What do you mean?"
"What if he cares for neither of those things and the problem's somewhere else?" Ino shrugged again, stepping back. "I'll go to my place, we'll talk later." She waved at her and Sakura remained motionless, the thoughts in her head running wild.
Where, then? Ino was completely right and she felt like an idiot for not assuming the possibility earlier. The compromising scenario was a little too perfunctory to be the whole truth. She had been wrapped up in it for a long time, forgetting that the reasons for their rupture could lie somewhere deeper.
But if she was ready to accept everything, why couldn't he?
Kakashi didn't expect it to be such chaos on his way in. TDs were made once in ten years, as far as he knew, and that's why now he was utterly confused to see dozens of adults and even more dozens of infants rushing about in the Hospital.
He slowly made his way to the examination ward where he had to awkwardly get surrounded by an excited group of five-year-olds. Fortunately, a familiar face met him soon enough and saved him.
"Kakashi-sensei!" Ino greeted with a cheerful smile, while he tried to not let the uneasiness of being in a loud crowd change the composure on his features. "The kids really love you. Who doesn't?" Her careless remark had him fix his eyes on her in time to see her wink at him. Before he could find the right words to say to this oddity, she continued. "So, TD vaccine, huh? Come with me."
He followed her silently, unsure whether he wasn't in the wrong to want to escape the five-year-olds in the first place. Ino… if she was here, then did that mean— Ino pulled the curtain and revealed a concerned father and Sakura, holding a baby in her hands in the middle of a quiet conversation.
"TD booster shot," Ino announced solemnly, like she was introducing him.
It was an interesting sight, but it stung him. Sakura was one of the few that still didn't have any children and deep down, every person in Konoha who knew her agreed that she was a natural when it came to kids. He was certain that she'd make a great mother, but it seemed like she didn't head that way when all others did. It seemed like she didn't want to, even now, when she was close to thirty, and he had a vague idea why.
Sakura's calm expression shifted into shock when she noticed the newcomers and for a second she didn't move, looking at Kakashi, but then she came to her senses, returning the baby to the father and gently pushing him away with a quiet apology.
"I have a 3-year-old waiting for me." Ino slid to her side right when she saw Sakura attempting to speak out loud.
"Right." Sakura murmured, scowling at her friend. He noticed her hand shaking when she smoothed out her clothes and faced him with a smile. "She's… sorry about that."
"Doesn't bother me." He assured her, sitting down on the chair she invited him to sit on.
"TD boost?" Sakura raised a brow while preparing the clean needle.
"I get cut and wounded a lot and your public declaration a few days ago reminded me I hadn't had one in a long time."
"Did you ever get a boost in the first place? I've been in this hospital for an eternity and I don't remember you ever coming to get one."
"I did," Kakashi replied, the skin around his eyes crinkling a little. He couldn't help the condescending smile that appeared on his lips. "You don't remember because you were sixteen."
Sakura opened a silent pause and he glanced at her — she was thoughtful and a lot more tired than usual. Her hands shifted with the obligation, but her mind was racing with distant recollections, somewhere far and away. Head slightly tilting, she sank in deeper and her voice came out quiet.
"I was learning from Lady Tsunade back then, yes."
It was one of those moments when the prideful thought ran through his mind and he stifled it down at once — that she wasn't just a part of Team 7, sixteen was around the time when she decided to quit playing around and become a worthy opponent, a fearsome foe and an indispensable ally. She grew rapidly then, she changed in her very core and he saw it with his eyes. It wasn't just her, though, it was the whole team that grew together. He was overjoyed they overcame all the madness that tried to bring them down.
He pulled his sleeve up absent-mindedly, to reveal the upper part of the shoulder.
Sakura turned around and neared him, but froze in place with a slight alarm, eyes resting on the currently exposed ANBU mark on his skin. She was aware he killed a lot of people, wasn't she? He did need that shot, but showing her that tattoo was something he was glad happened as well, somewhere in-between her attempts to convince him of things he didn't believe could ever work.
Like that idea she planted inside his head a few days ago.
Sakura shook off the surprise and stepped closer, disinfecting a small spot on his skin before preparing to use the syringe. The only problem was that she was visibly shaking. The seconds passed and she tried her best to steady her hand, but to no avail.
It was a bittersweet sensation, to observe her struggle like that because her whole body exuded confidence and strength, and experience, but her eyes betrayed her. They coruscated with a vacancy that just affected him deeply. Maybe because he knew it was in his power to fill in that vacancy with joy if he only wanted to. If he only chose to.
The youthfulness in her eyes had withered and she appeared profoundly sad. Especially now, when her trembling upset her in a matter of seconds and she backed away with a small sip of breath, to fight for another chance at doing her job. Her stoic expression pained him greatly.
Kakashi reminded himself it was not in her favour (or his, for that matter) to intervene, but the urge was stronger and he reached for her hand, closing around it to stop it from trembling. She was way colder than he expected, but he decided it will calm her down if he remains still for a few moments.
Sakura's eyes widened a little and the spark of life in them gleamed right away, suddenly shifted up to his with a hopefulness that only enhanced her beauty. Her face was heavily flushed by the time he let her go.
"Try again."
That's what he kept saying all these years, didn't he? Shouldn't be something that she'd forget, but it seems she needed the words anyway because she smiled a heart-warming, blooming smile that with a reason unknowing twisted something inside him. She murmured a quick Sorry under her breath.
As she proceeded to finally give him the vaccine, he struggled to find the reasons why he was going through such mental torture. His convictions were firm and unchangeable, and he had no doubts about them. But then again, Sakura easily shook his foundations whenever he saw her suffer.
(At night.)
He held onto everything he believed in for years, but when he saw her absolutely broken-hearted and in tears over him, it didn't seem right anymore. Any of it. He was torn between what was right and what could bring Sakura to life again.
There was nothing more that he wanted than to see Konoha safe and prospering, and his students alive and well at this time of his life. Naruto was doing great. So was Sasuke, so far. But Sakura was just burying herself alive and it was his fault.
No, he couldn't… It was wrong.
That everything and everyone conspired to make it harder for him to resist giving in to selfishness was another matter entirely. He was too proud to admit he liked being around her. Loneliness was something of a second-skin for him, but it seemed to lift off him whenever she was near.
Because she cared.
Because she noticed the details. She didn't just mechanically salute him on her way past him. She wasn't like Sasuke and Naruto or anyone of their generation, who looked up to him like he was somewhere far, on a pedestal of honours, and was entitled to remain there forever. And she never gave up on him, whatever words or actions he had used to eliminate her hopes. Her affection was untouchable.
"You're good to go." Sakura chimed, smiling at him with her thin, pink lips.
She was delicate like glass and truth was, so many things have crumbled down in his life that he was beyond convinced at this point. If he so much as reached out for her, she'd end up like the rest of the people he loved. The pattern was so clear and so consistent that he didn't even question it anymore.
"Thank you." Kakashi tore his eyes away from her and hurried to leave, without looking back.
A/N: Thanks for reading! I might be a little late with the fourth chapter, just so you know (*angst intensifies*)