Disclaimer: I'm too young to be Rowling, so Harry Potter sadly cannot be mine…

List of names:

The Black King: Voldemort – who else?

The White King: Dumbledore

Petunia (oldest sibling), also known as: Caspet

Ris (the second oldest brother and older twin- the nice twin), also known as: Rissy-Ris-Ris or sometimes SOB-story, drama-queen and Severus Snape

Rus (third oldest and younger twin – the evil twin), also known as: Severus Snape or P.T.

Res (youngest sibling), also known as: R.A. Is listed as dead since 1979.

Now on with the story:

OoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooseriouslyooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooseriouslyooooooooooooooooooooooooooO

THE FIRST LETTERS

sSs

Friday afternoon of the first weekend at Hogwarts

Sometime shortly after the last potion class on Friday.

A letter to Harry's Aunt

Dear Caspet,

Do you need a new help for your household chores? I've got a drama queen to sell. If you don't take him he might not make it until Monday. I am testing some new potions this weekend and after his display before the first year class today and his asking about changing teaching positions I am tempted to simply use him as a test subject. So, if you still need him, kindly remove him from my view.

Sincerely

P.T.

SsSsSsSsSs

Dear Rus,

You can use him as a test subject. I've got Res around and he is far more helpful than your big brother could ever be.

All my love,

C.P.

P.S.: Res might need him on Sunday, so please let him live until he helped Res with his plans for H.J.'s room.

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After that lovely and caring answer Ris vanished in the dungeons of Hogwarts and wasn't seen until classes at Tuesday (well, with the exception of Sunday afternoon. But what happened at that time will be explained a little bit later…). When he finally returned from the dungeons his natural complexion was green with little silver snakes crawling all over his skin. His hair was a flashy pink and his eyes blue as Dumbledore's.

Ris did not care for his skin. He had learned to change his natural skin colour long ago.

Ris also did not care for his hair. He had the same solution for his hair like he had for his skin.

But his eyes…

"Rus, you are cruel," he whined. "Absolutely cruel! Dumbledore's eyes – I think I'm going to sick up!"

The answer was an evil smile.

"Of course I am cruel, my dear twin," Rus said. "There is a reason why I am called the evil twin after all."

(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx

Friday evening of the first weekend at Hogwarts

Sometime shortly before curfew.

Harry's first – secretly send – letter

Dear Aunt Petunia,

The first few days of class were exciting! When you left me at Kings Cross I started 'looking' for the gate to platform 9 ¾. Why didn't Hagird tell me where to go?! Did he want me to get lost or to not find my way?! Just kidding, Auntie…

Well, Hagird: nice man. Huge – I know you know that part. Big softy. Prejudiced against Slytherin to the boot… He 'told' me about mum and dad and what happened to them. He also told me about the Black King and that I shouldn't call him by name. I just keep on doing that. I like it to watch the others freak out about it! Vooooooldeeemooort! (hahahaha – enter evil laughter!)

Diagon Alley: nothing new there. Had to gawk at it as if I had never seen it before… well, I never have, thanks to the uncles – how could I forget that (do you hear the sarcasm dripping from my voice?!) I really want to live in Diagon Alley now, isn't there a way to run away from home and just do that? I mean without tricking the nice twin-uncle… oh! I remember something else: Hagird had a vault-key to my trust! Where did he have that one from?! He shouldn't have it, should he?! And he still has it… He took it back after giving it to the goblins…

And after my vault he brought me to another with a 'special' thing for the White King in it. Of course it was all hush-hush – I just wonder why I was brought along at all…

A plan from the White King?

Maybe. You're the boss. I give over these two problems in your capable hands…

Well, next topic… Platform: 'Found' it after hearing a woman talk about it and about Muggles in the middle of Kings Cross. The woman was Mrs. Weasley: just forgetful? (After five children in and sometimes out of Hogwarts already?! Not talking about the seven years she must have went there…!) A pawn of the White King? Tell the uncles to check her out, please. Especially the nice twin-uncle. He needs something to do. I heard he drives the evil twin-uncle crazy! That is if he isn't crazy already… after all he had to endure his twin since conception… I have to think about that some more…

Back to the Weasels…

Mrs Weasley: conditioned to lead my way? To bring me firmly on the 'light' side before even entering Hogwarts? Seven children; five at Hogwarts.

Percy (third eldest): prefect. Studious. Uninterested in anything but his grades and future career. No threat there.

Fred and George (No 4 and 5): pranksters. Younger versions of the twin uncles? They do not care about what their mother thinks – at least it seems so, even if they are attached to her. I will keep an eye on them.

Ron (my year): conditioned by his mum to befriend Harry Potter or extremely curious…? Wanted to see my scar on the train. Biased against Slytherin and Draco Malfoy. Believes his brothers without actual proof. My new 'friend'. I will keep an eye on him.

Little sister (Gina? Gine? Ginny? Whatever…): shy. No idea what else. Had just a second with her or less. I will question Ron about her. Information gathering.

Two older brothers and father – unknown. Ask around, please.

So next… other people:

Draco Malfoy: Prat. Arrogant. Self-centred. Mini-Lucius. Ask uncles, they know more about Lucius than I do. Need information.

Neville Longbottom: lost his toad;

Hermione Granger: know-it-all through book-learning, likes to show-of a little. Fixed my broken glasses (thank you, Dud, for breaking them just before we reached Kings Cross! Not!);

other classmates: No idea. Still at the beginning of information gathering. I send you a list with their names. I need research on their families.

Going on to Hogwarts:

I am a Gryffindor! I hope you're proud of me. Why didn't uncle tell me it's nerve-wracking and definitely absolutely terrifying to argue with the Hat! I truly feared it wouldn't follow my instructions of 'not Slytherin'! Slap uncle around the head for me, please, for forgetting to tell me important stuff like that!

So… classes. I was too late for Transfigurations (McGonagall wasn't pleased), History is nap-time, the rest of the classes are ok – well, except potions… Potions is…

Slap uncle again please, just for the fun of it. I am sure he somehow deserved it (he did agitate the evil twin-uncle after all, didn't he? And my potion went wrong as well, I'm sure it's Uncle's fault somehow)…

Well, that's it for the moment.

Slap uncle another time (this time I definitely don't know what for, but I'm sure Uncle Rus will tell you a reason if you ask him), alright?

Until next time.

Harry

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The result of this letter was a chase around the house on Sunday afternoon, a yelling aunt and a dodging nice twin-uncle, also called Ris or Rissy-Ris-Ris. When the uncle helpfully pointed out that he wasn't to blame for at least one of the things Harry had accused him of, the aunt just huffed and cuffed the uncle around the head for a fourth time – this time solely because she felt like it.

(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx

Saturday morning of the first weekend at Hogwarts

Sometime shortly after midnight.

A Letter from Rus to Caspet

Dear Caspet

The White King has asked the teachers to aid him with his chess game this year. He asked us to 'protect' the philosopher's stone with a riddle or test in our expertise. "Not too difficult" he said. "It's just to deviate the thief…"

I'm sure there's more to it.

Instructions?

Your brother

P.T.

P.S.: Do you really need the drama queen today? I'm not finished with him yet.

SsSsSsSsSs

Rus

Keep an eye out and gather information.

Your sister

C.P.

P.S.: Yes, I do. Kindly send him over, I'll return him to your potion's lab (or is it 'torture chamber'?) at 8 pm today.

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On Tuesday afternoon, Ris had recovered from his time in the potion lab (torture chamber) of his brother.

"What are you doing, Ris?"

"I'm searching for your frog eyes, Rus."

"What do you need my frog eyes for? You do not brew if you don't have to!"

"I need them to charm them."

"Charm?"

"Caspet said to keep an eye out…"

Rus cuffed Ris around the head.

"Ouch! Didn't she do that often enough lately?! What did you do that for?!"

"That was for your idiocy! She did not mean it literally!"

"Well… but it would be fun if it was… think about the faces of those who find them…"

Three hours later, two (this time) absolutely innocent and confused Weasley twins were dragged into Professor Minerva McGonagall's office. The teacher was fuming.

"And now explain to me why you saw the need to decorate the staff room with frog eyes!" she hissed.

The twins looked at each other, totally clueless.

"I don't know, Forge," one of them said.

"Me neither – but it was a brilliant idea, Gred. Why didn't we think of something like that?"

"Silence!" McGonagall hissed, not believing a word. A second later both pranksters had a week full of detention for something they (this time) definitely didn't do…

(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx(vvv)xxx

Sunday morning of the second weekend at Hogwarts

Sometime shortly after breakfast.

A Letter to Ris and the answer

Ris,

Inspection is sometime next week. No teaching or if you do convince Rus to take your place.

Your baby brother

R.A.

SsSsSsSsSs

Got it. Going. Don't need reminder, idiot… dunderhead… imbecile… whatever.

Rissy-Ris-Ris

SsSsSsSsSs

Res,

Stop suggesting stupid things to my twin. He's now after me for changing places again! How could you, you evil little thing!

(Currently not) your brother

P.T.

SsSsSsSsSs

Rus,

Stop being melodramatic. I am a Slytherin. Of course I think up ways to let others suffer.

Your beloved baby brother

R.A.

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The morning after Res, also called R.A., woke up with red and gold hair and a magical tattoo on his forehead that proclaimed 'Gryffindors forever'. Whatever he tried to get rid of the hair or the tattoo it didn't work. Finally he growled frustrated and threw his wand on the kitchen corner. In that moment an owl with a letter entered the house.

He took the letter and opened it.

"Never anger a Slytherin," was all that was written on it.

Res growled.

"Damn you, Rus!"

Ccccc

That's it for today. 'Till next time.