Disclaimer: I'm too young to be Rowling, so Harry Potter sadly cannot be mine…
List of names :
Harry (James) Potter, also known as 'H.J.'
The Black King: Voldemort – who else?
The White King: Dumbledore
Petunia (oldest sibling), also known as: Caspet or C.P.
Ris (the second oldest brother and older (nice) twin; Metamorphmagus), also known as: Rissy-Ris-Ris or sometimes SOB-story, drama-queen, (Severus Snape) or S.O. from Sirius O.
Rus (third oldest and younger (evil) twin; Potion's Master, Metamorphmagus), also known as: Severus Snape or P.T. from Perseus Tobias, last name (unofficially) 'Evans-Prince'
Res (youngest sibling; Unspeakable), also known as: R.A. from Regulus A. Is listed as dead since 1979.
Now on to the story:
OoooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooseriouslyooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooseriouslyooooooooooooooooooooooooooO
INTERLUDE: LETTERS IN 1979
sSs
Hey Prongs!
I heard you plan to propose to Lily soon, is this true? Like asking her parents for her hand, marriage contract, true? You know it will be hard if you do, I mean: do you know her family and the obligations that will come with marrying her? Do you know what kind of family she's from? Have you ever met her parents and siblings?
Just think about it.
Padfoot
SsSsSsSsSs
Padfoot!
How in Merlin's name do you know that I want to propose to Lily?! I'm sure I've told no one until now! And no, it won't be the asking her parents for her hand, marriage contract kind. I plan to propose the Muggle way – you know, for familiarity. I am sure she'll appreciate it. Add to that that her parents are Muggles. I'm not sure how her father would react if I went and came with my finance folder and a marriage contract.
As her parents are Muggles I doubt that there will be any family obligations I will have to know before I marry her – you should know that. I mean, she's Muggle-born! How did you even come up with that ridiculous question?!
And no, I haven't met her family yet. I will, soon. Her sister is marrying and I'll be introduced to Lily's family on that occasion. I'm a bit nervous about it but, hey, they're Muggles! They can't do anything to me, can they? I mean, I'm a lot more dangerous than them, aren't I? So I really shouldn't worry too much…
I'll tell you how it went, later on. I promise.
Prongs
SsSsSsSsSs
Dear Prongs!
Invitation to a prank meeting before dinner at Petunia Evans', soon Dursley's wedding.
Siriusly
Padfoot
SsSsSsSsSs
Padfoot!
I can't come. Lily would skin me alive if I would dare to come to your damn prank meeting!
Prongs
SsSsSsSsSs
Permission for James Charlus Potter, the Heir of House Potter, to attend the prank meeting of Sirius Orion Black, Heir of the House Black, on the day of my wedding.
Signed
Cassiopeia Petunia Evans, soon to be Dursley
P.S.: Now you can go and Lily can't say anything! Padfoot
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Poor James would later look back at that day with disbelieve, horror and amusement.
Sirius had been right, it had been a prank meeting. To poor James's utter regret it had been a prank meeting conspired against him. Instead of playing a prank on the wedding guests, James was the one played a prank on.
A prank he would remember forever.
And it had started so innocently, too.
James had just waited for the time to pass until he would meet with Sirius. The wedding, James thought, was boring. Stiff, formal – normal! Nothing unusual, nothing grand, just an everyday wedding.
So James had thought about adding some flare to it by pranking the guests before even meeting with Sirius. Maybe some new, unusual hair colours or something like that…
Before he could really think about it, he was brought out of his musing by another man. The man had black hair, a thin and sharp face and a green and a grey eye. Not only looked he familiar, he also looked like someone who could be the love-child of James' fiancée and his best friend – what a horrifying idea, Lily's and Sirius' love-child. James shuddered.
"You shouldn't do that if you want to live through the wedding," the man said coolly, stopping James from pranking the guests efficiently.
James started at that.
"Excuse me?" he asked, not even daring to believe that he had heard what he had thought he heard.
"Lilu and Caspet would kill you if you so much as disturb Caspet's wedding day with a prank like that," the man said. "Of course, if you want to die by my sisters' hands – be my guest and do what you wanted to do. I'll be happy to get rid of one of those arrogant… dunderheads that decided to woo my sisters."
That exclamation made James shudder again.
"He more likely looks like a love-child of my fiancée, my best friend and Snivellus!" Not quite a reassuring thought…
Then the man's words registered.
"Your sisters?" James asked, nearly choking of shock. The answer was a feral grin.
"Lily Lucretia and Cassiopeia Petunia," he said. "Your fiancée and the bride, if you need to know more."
"But… how… I thought that Lily has just a sister…" James said stumped. The man just shrugged.
"She… doesn't talk much about me," the man said smirking, then he crooked his head. "But maybe she thought that she wouldn't have to talk about me so much, considering that you should know me…"
James looked at the man stumped.
"Excuse me?" he asked again, not sure how he should be able to know a muggle. The man just shrugged.
"I guess it was too much to ask. Ris will be disheartened to know that you cost him ten Galleons."
James just stared at the man – at least until he remembered that the muggles used no Galleons as money…"
He whipped out his wand.
"Who are you?" he hissed. The man's smile broadened.
"I'm Res," he said. "I'm the youngest." Then he gave him an appraising look before gesturing for James to follow him. "I guess it's time for your prank-meeting, Scion of Potter."
For a moment, James hesitated to follow, but then he decided that the man couldn't be too dangerous if he turned away from an armed James Potter and followed nevertheless. He was a Gryffindor, after all.
The man guided him away from the crowd, and to James' surprise, right to Sirius who was sitting in his dog-form in the grass behind a tent.
"I brought him, Ris," the man, Res, said. "You own me ten Galleons."
The answer was a disheartened whine, then the dog changed into Sirius Black.
"Damn it, Prongs!" he whined. "Is it truly so damn hard to recognize my brother?"
James' eyes widened at that and he turned to the other man to look him over again. Now, that he had a name, he recognized the Slytherin. Regulus Black, pure-blood fanatic and Death Eater.
The grip on his wand tightened.
"Oh, come of it, Potter," another voice interfered and Severus Snape stepped out of the tent behind Sirius. "It's not as if anyone here is a follower of the dork lord."
James' wand snapped to Severus, but his confused gaze searched out his best friend.
"Sirius, what?" he asked.
Sirius Black rolled with his eyes, then he pulled up his sleeves and revealed his bare forearms. To James' confusion, Severus Snape and Regulus Black did the same, revealing pale, unmarked flesh.
"But… but Sirius said…" he said confused, then he remembered another thing Sirius had told him and he turned to Regulus again. "You're dead!" he accused.
Regulus Black shrugged.
"Officially," he said, inclining his head, then he grinned. "I had to kill myself of after getting some important information. Since Rus –' he nodded to Severus' – is still spying, we're still not short on information and I can be used somewhere else better than to double someone who already has a perfect position at the dork lord's side."
James looked from one to another.
"What by Merlin and Morgana is going on here?" he finally growled, feeling that he was missing some crucial point.
The three other man grinned, then Sirius spoke up again.
"Prongs," he said, "let me introduce my helpers today: Perseus Tobias Prince, Lord Prince, known as Severus Snape, and Regulus Arcturus Black, Heir Secundus of Black." Then he shrugged. "I think you already know that I see Lily Lucretia Evans, your soon-to-be fiancée and Cassiopeia Petunia Dursley, née Evans as my sisters. Those two are the same. They even go by 'Evans' in the muggle world some times…"
"And sometimes in the magical world as well," Regulus chimed in grinning.
"Now, I guess, we will have a talk," Sirius said, his grin turning feral. "After all, it is in the job description of a brother to threaten the future husband of their sister. Vernon already survived –"
"Maybe you should pray that you do as well," Severus Snape added, his face twisting until it looked a lot like Sirius' feral grin. "Because even if you don't survive – the wounds you might obtain might be… very… hurtful in the end… and this time you won't be able to tell how you got them. Neither of us, after all, is willing to let you get away without a magical oath…"
And with that he drew his wand.
"They mean it," James recognized, not truly understanding how Sirius could work with Severus Snape – but then, it was for Lily… Sirius' 'sister'.
Not that it mattered.
The promised prank definitely was targeting James this time around…
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Dear James!
Sirius told me you decided to propose to Lily after her sister's wedding. When will you do it and how? Do you need help with anything? Just tell me if you do, if I can help, I will.
Remus
SsSsSsSsSs
Moony!
Thanks for your offer. I might need some help, after all. Do you know how I have to act and what I have to do if I want to propose to a pureblood girl? I mean, how would you do it, if it was a pureblood girl you wanted to propose to? I know that I should have learned that ages ago, but I never truly listened to the tutors father hired because, well, I guess I thought that I wouldn't need it, you know?
Anyway, I would be really thankful if you could help me. I truly need that information as soon as possible…
Prongs
SsSsSsSsSs
Dear James!
I thought you wanted to propose to Lily muggle style? Why do you need to know how to propose to a pureblood girl when you want to propose to Lily?
Remus
SsSsSsSsSs
Well, I kind of was… kindly persuaded by three very… insistent 'family' members of Lily to use the traditional style of proposing…
Just, kind of, imagine it like that: me, in the middle and at wand-point of three people even You-Know-Who would fear if they band together against him – my knees were trembling hard enough that I could barely stand, Moony! – and all three of them telling me kindly – you don't want to know where their wand-tips were pointing – to do it right or to not do it at all. Adding to that, that I know that at least one of them would kill me if I won't listen – at least I think he would – and you know how I was persuaded to change my approach.
Of course, the example I used was just that, an example – neither of them truly did anything of what I wrote, but I think you get the point, don't you?
So, please, what about that information?
Prongs
SsSsSsSsSs
Dear James!
"Please"?! What the hell did those 'family' members of Lily do to you for you to add this word to your vocabulary?! I never thought that Lily even has scary enough family members for you to be scared out of your pants! At least to me, her muggle parents and sister never sounded truly scary…
Remus
SsSsSsSsSs
Moony,
You don't want to know. Believe me.
Information, please!
James
SsSsSsSsSs
Dear James!
Alright, alright. You're creeping me out, here. "Please", "James"… next time you might even use "dear Remus"! Creepy, man. Who by Merlin and Morgana are they that you are as afraid as you are of them? The Mafia?
Well, before I'm thoroughly scared for life, here the information I gathered:
Conduct a proper letter to Lily's parents and ask for a meeting between you and her father – if she would have had brothers, you would have to ask the heir of the family first for the right to ask his lord for his sister's hand in marriage. Be happy that you don't have to do that – her older brother, if she were a pureblood, would treat you exactly like you described in your first letter… or worse.
Marriage contract. You and your parents will have to meet with Lily's family and Lily to propose your intention towards Lily and then to lay open your finances, your NEWTs and maybe OWLs, your apprenticeship, mastery, work-place, whatever – simply everything concerning your education, income and abilities to show that you are able to support her (don't forget, proper pureblood girls don't usually work!)
Work out the clauses for your marriage contract with your own parents (best talk to them before you propose so that you know what they want to have in the contract) and Lily's parents and Lily (traditionally it's also the heir of her family and maybe even the second born son if said son is an heir as well, which normally isn't the case – be grateful that she hasn't any brothers because those have the traditional role of insisting on a high bride-price.)
Sign the contract together with Lily, your father and her father and then propose to her with the proposal ring of your family. Marriage should be at least a month later, at most a year after the proposal.
It's the bride's right to decide on the wedding stuff, like how it looks etc. Don't you dare to try and butt into her decisions. If she asks, you can help her decide, but it's her day so she has to plan it. Maybe your mother will ask if Lily needs any help and maybe Lily will give your mother the right to help, but traditionally it's Lily with the help of her sister and mother who will decide on the most things.
If she had brothers, they would be your guard from the day of the proposal to the day you marry – to ensure that you don't see other woman until the marriage contract truly takes hold. Like I said before: be happy that she has no brothers.
Don't forget to give her the list with your relations – it would be best if you ask your mother or father to do the list, because even if you hate some of those that should be on the list (like some Death Eater relations) you will have to add them if you insist on a traditional and binding wedding (they can't do anything if they attend, the magic in the marriage contract would ensure you and your guests are safe until you all return home, so you definitely don't have to worry about that part). It also would destroy your credibility and political clout of you don't invite them.
Well, I guess that's all. Do you truly want to go through all that?
Remus
SsSsSsSsSs
Moony,
Thanks for the information. I don't know what the Mafia is, but I don't think they belong to it…
Well… would you count people like Padfoot's family to the Mafia? Because if you do, then they might be Mafia. They're as scary as Sirius' parents.
And sorry, I can't tell you who they are. If I would, I'd be dead (their words, not mine!).
I also have to go through it if I want to marry Lily. Wish me luck (I definitely need it.)
Prongs.
SsSsSsSsSs
Sounds like Mafia to me. Tell me before you offend them somehow, so that I at least know not to search for you anymore.
Remus.
SsSsSsSsSs
Haha. Very funny, Moony.
Prongs.
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To Perseus T. Prince.
I will follow your demands. I want to propose to your 'sister' Lily on 31st of July, traditionally with marriage contract like you wanted it to be. Please note, that I definitely want Lily to be my official wife and as such will – unlike you implied when we met last time – do everything so that she will be accepted as such by our society. If that means marriage contract and Death Eaters on our wedding table, so be it.
James Charlus Potter, Heir of House Potter.
SsSsSsSsSs
To the Heir of House Potter, James Charlus Potter.
You definitely need guidance in formal behaviour and writing. I won't let Lily's fiancé to be a brute like you are now, so as soon as the contract is set, you will be ask to attend lessons on proper wizarding behaviour and style.
Sincerely
Perseus Tobias Prince, Lord of House Prince.
SsSsSsSsSs
To the Lord of House Prince, Perseus Tobias Prince.
I promise, I know how to behave properly even without your aid.
Sincerely
James Charlus Potter, Heir of House Potter.
SsSsSsSsSs
To the Heir of House Potter, James Charlus Potter.
As far as I know, Heir Potter, your best friend introduced myself to you with my full name and title. Seeing as you were unable to follow customs and address me properly in your first letter, I see no reason to believe your claim that you know how to behave properly. So as long as you have not shown me that you truly know how to behave without copying another one's style, you will have lessons.
Sincerely
Perseus Tobias Prince, Lord of House Prince.
SsSsSsSsSs
Stop taunting Prongs, little bro. He's whining to me.
Your brother, S.O.
SsSsSsSsSs
Stop reading my mail, brother. (I definitely don't believe the whining part!)
Sincerely
The adult one of us two, P.T.
SsSsSsSsSs
But he is!
S.O.
SsSsSsSsSs
Stop bickering, you two! There's something more important to discuss, like: When do we plan to tell poor Potter that we aren't just like brothers to Lily but truly are her brothers?
R.A.
SsSsSsSsSs
When he proposes, baby brother, when he proposes.
(Note the evil smirks on our faces?)
S.O. and P.T.
SsSsSsSsSs
To the Heir of House Black, Sirius Orion Black and his brother, Regulus Arcturus Black, Heir Secundus of Black.
I hereby inform you that I plan to propose to Lily L. Evans on the 31st of July. Please note, that I will follow your demands and propose traditionally.
James Charlus Potter, Heir of Potter
PS: Padfoot, do you know how odd it is to write so formally to you?!
SsSsSsSsSs
To the Heir of House Potter, James Charlus Potter.
I am dead, you dunderhead! Don't you dare to address another letter to me in the same fashion you did!
Sincerely
Regulus Evans.
SsSsSsSsSs
Evans.
Don't you find it odd to declare yourself dead in your letters?
J.C. Potter
SsSsSsSsSs
Shut up, you moron. Didn't you find it odd to address a letter to a dead man?!
R.A. Evans
SsSsSsSsSs
You're not dead, Regulus. I saw you. Don't you think it was odder for me to meet a dead man than writing to a seemingly dead one?
J.C. Potter
SsSsSsSsSs
Believe me, there are odder things in the world. I will show you some as soon as you propose to Lily.
R.A. Evans
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After that promise, James Charlus Potter definitely started to dread his future proposal. Nevertheless, he was a Gryffindor – so what could happen? He would marry Lily, whatever the cost…
To James utter regret, the cost would meet him at the day of his proposal with three pleasant smiles at the door of Lily's home.
"Good day, Mr. and Mrs. Potter," Sirius Black said while bowing slightly and kissing James' mother's hand. "I am Sirius Orion Evans, Heir of my father's house. This is my twin brother, Perseus Tobias Evans, Lord of my mother's house and my youngest brother Regulus Arcturus Evans, the Heir Secundus. Please enter, I will guide you to our parents and sisters."
Nope, that was definitely not what James Charlus Potter had had thought when he imagined the cost of Lily's hand.
Ccccc
That's it for today. 'Till next time.