Hello everyone! Alexis here! Sorry for the wait. But as previously stated, Mark and I are going through some stuff. He was in a long-term relationship that ended pretty badly, and he had appendicitis. As for me, I my grandfather passed away and I was really close to him so it was pretty hard to do anything. But, I'm learning to deal with my grief and move on.

Before we begin, Mark and I just want to let you know that we have a poll up regarding this story that we would like for you all to vote on. We were thinking of making this a slash story with Ravi being in a relationship with another guy. We sorta hinted at him being gay in the first chapter (go back and read it and let us know when you find it) but we're not sure if we should turn the story into that. We're not sure if you guys would want us to do something like that. We have a pretty good idea to back it up, but it's really up to you guys if you want it. So go vote on the poll or leave a review with what you prefer.

Alright I'll let you guys read now.

Disclaimer: We do not own Jessie.

Chapter 4: What Is Love

The walls in Ravi's hospital room are an off-white color, making the room slightly darker than the hospital hallways with it's whitewashed walls. The floor is a mix of white, blue, and green tiles, with a warm looking teal colored rug under Ravi's bed. His bed is placed next to a large window whose light gray curtains are closed, blocking the impending sunrise from shining through. A flat screen television is on the wall opposite Ravi's bed, accompanied by surround sound speakers, a DVD player, and an Xbox. Ravi obviously doesn't need the excess electronics, but when you're admitted to a five star hospital, you get spoiled and pampered to the max.

On the walk to Ravi's room, Dr. Sato explained some things about Ravi's condition, what to expect, and so on, that Luke hadn't paid one bit of attention to. Instead his mind produced clips of the previous night from the time Luke walked into Ravi's bedroom to when they arrived at the hospital. Over and over again his mind replayed the haunting events, sending graphic and gruesome images to him. Each time he replayed the incident the scenario became worse. Ravi's room would appear messier. More blood would be present. Ravi's body would look hallow and decayed. As his legs moved him forward, Luke felt trapped in a horror film that his mind created, and that it would never end.

Luke was so lost in the maze of his thoughts that he didn't realize they arrived at Ravi's hospital room. Luke had to mentally slap himself before he walked head first into the room door. He honestly can't even recall the walk to the room. He has no idea whether it was a short or long walk, whether there were a lot of turns and twist or whether they went straight, and whether they had to go up or downstairs or if they were on the same floor.

When the doctor let Luke in the room, Luke wasn't sure what he was expecting really. He had been preparing himself to see Ravi in the worst possible condition he could be in with tubes, machines, and bandages everywhere. He was slightly shocked, however, when he all he saw was a pale Ravi laying unconsciously with a cast wrapped around his left arm. He had an IV in his arm and was hooked up to the heart monitor, but that was it. This slightly put his mind at ease.

To Luke's relief, Dr. Sato didn't stay in the room with him. She left only a minute after arriving. At first, Luke didn't know what to do. He kinda just stood in the middle of the room staring at his brothers chest rise and fall. Maybe it's because he was so relieved to see Ravi breathing again. Maybe it's because his mind had gone so numb that his body couldn't move. Maybe it's because his legs had felt so weak that if he moved them he might collapse. Something eventually clicked in Luke and he found himself seated in the comfy chair next to Ravi's bed.

So Luke was able to get past step one. He was able to actually get himself to Ravi without breaking down and hyperventilating. Now he just has to get past step two: actually talking to Ravi when he wakes up.

The thought of having to actually speak to Ravi makes Luke way more anxious than he's ever been. It makes him more anxious than when he gets before talking to a pretty girl or giving an unprepared speech to his class. It makes him more anxious than literally anything he has ever had to do, and it's really ridiculous. Luke shouldn't feel nervous about talking to his own brother. It's his brother for crying out loud! Luke and his three siblings never shut up when they're together, not to mention him and Ravi. Luke has never had any problem talking to Ravi for the past six years and now suddenly when Ravi is about to regain consciousness after almost killing himself, it's hard to think of what to say.

Because you triggered this you idiot.

Luke nearly slaps himself silly when it suddenly dawns on him why he feels like throwing up while simultaneously passing out when he thinks about talking to Ravi. The very last thing he said to Ravi started this mess. And yes, Jessie had a point when she said that Ravi didn't try to kill himself only because of Luke, but because of other issues that he never knew about. But Luke isn't dumb (not entirely anyway). He knows that had he not been so mean to Ravi, they would not be in this situation. Had he not said the wrong thing to Ravi, he wouldn't have slit his wrist. The result of Luke saying the wrong thing caused all of this. What if Luke says the wrong thing again and makes everything even worse?

Luke sighs and rubs his face with his hands. He can't believe he's actually stressing over the ability to speak. This might actually be the lamest thing he has ever experienced ever. And to make matters worse he is by himself. Jessie, Emma, and Zuri aren't with him to make him feel less alone and to lessen the stress. He doesn't have anyone with him to help him say what he's thinking without sounding like a douche.

Maybe if Luke tries to plan out exactly what he wants to tell Ravi he won't feel as nervous. Yeah! That should work. Luke stands up and paces the room as he tries to gather his thoughts into some kind of organized mental outline.

He takes a deep breath. "Okay Luke." He mumbles to himself. "Let's see how this sounds." (He's really lucky he's by himself and that Ravi is unconscious because if anyone heard him talking to himself he would get judged so bad.) Luke rolls his shoulders back. "Ravi, I'm sorry for what I said to you. I honestly didn't mean it and—" Luke stops and groans. That sounds too impersonal, and to robotic. He tries again. "I'm sorry about all of this Ravi. I never wanted to hurt you like this and I've been beating myself up about it all night. Like this is literally my fault—" No, that's not right either. It sounds like he's making it about himself. Let's try again. "Ravi man, I love you. You're the best brother in the world and I could ask for anyone better to be my brother—" That doesn't sound right either. It sounds too emotional and forced. Luke grabs at his hair in frustration. This isn't working out right at all. He might as well tell Dr. Sato to get Jessie, or someone else who can handle this kind of pressure, because he sure as hell can't.

Luke isn't sure how much time has passed because before he knows it, he sees Ravi shift slightly in his bed and his eyes start to flutter. Luke is sitting back in his chair faster than lightening as Ravi begins to wake up. Luke can feel his heart race as all the anxiety he's felt for the past eight or so hours multiplies. He has the sudden urge for the Earth to open up underneath him and swallow him live, possibly killing him in the process. If someone could throw a brick through the window and have the brick hit Luke in his temple knocking him out, he would be grateful. Honestly, anything that could help him avoid this moment would be helpful.

Ravi's eyes finally open. Luke freezes as Ravi blinks a few times, looking around in confusion. He has absolutely no idea where he is and why he feels like drugs have replaced the blood in his veins. As he looks around and sees the heart monitor he is hooked up to, he realizes that he's in… a hospital room? What the hell? Why is he in a hospital room? Why does he feel like he was hit by a bus? Why can't he remember anything?

Luke takes a minute to find his voice. He summons up some kind of courage and decides to clear up Ravi's confusions. "R-Ravi?" He stutters.

Ravi turns his head in Luke's direction, his already half lidded eyelids squinting at his brother. "Luke?" he whispers hoarsely. He suddenly starts coughing. Realizing that Ravi's throat is probably extremely dry, Luke grabs the bottle of water on the little hospital table, opens it, and helps Ravi sip it. When he's done he recaps the bottle as Ravi clears his throat. "Thanks." He says weakly.

"H-how are you feeling?" Luke's voice is soft and shaky as he studies Ravi.

"Like someone is inside my skull with a jackhammer." Ravi mutters as a headache starts pounding in his brain. He starts to lift his hand to place on his forehead in some sort of soothing attempt, but realizes he can't move it much because his arm is hooked to the IV. He tries to use his other hand but falls sort when he sees his forearm covered in heavy bandages. Ravi is hit with a wave of confusion at his casted arm. He looks up at Luke, his eyes begging for answers. "What's going on? What happened to my arm?"

Luke's heart pounds against his ribcage when he thinks of having to explain to Ravi the events of the previous night. He doesn't even want to think about it, much less talk about it. "You don't remember?" Luke stupidly asks (of course Ravi doesn't remember! He just got out of surgery after almost dying!) Ravi shakes his head. "Well what do you remember?"

Ravi bites his bottom lip as he thinks about this. "Umm, I remember coming home from school and going to my room." He doesn't include the part where he added to the numerous amounts of cuts on his arm. He remembers that vividly. "And then after that it gets kind of foggy." He explains. He tries hard to think of what happens after that, but it turns into a blurry, confused mess the more he thinks about it.

"D-do you remember anything about the kitchen?" Luke asks. He's hands are shaking so much they've almost gone numb. He feels like he's on the verge of an anxiety attack and his heart is ten seconds away from jumping right out of his throat.

Ravi thinks about it before he nods. "Yeah, I kind of do remember going to the kitchen for some reason." Ravi digs through his thoughts until he can picture himself going into the kitchen and seeing his siblings laughing at something. Some picture or song or video. Yes! It was a video that they were watching on Luke's iPad. Ravi remembers them completely cracking up over the video. He remembers them showing him what was so funny that had them in hysterics.

Then Ravi goes from slowly clearing up the fog that is his memory to having everything crash down on him all at once. He remembers the video, and how it made fun of and demeaned him. He remembers accidentally breaking Luke's iPad and how angry Luke was because of it. He remembers what Luke said, how it pierced his heart. He remembers tearing through his room before locking himself in his bathroom and slitting his arm open, deciding that he was done being a disgrace to his family, and to life in general.

And somehow, he ended up here. In this hospital bed. Alive. After all that, he's still alive.

Luke can see from Ravi's facial expressions that he remembers everything. He can see it in Ravi's eyes. "D-do you remember now?"

All Ravi can do is close his eyes and nod. Yes. He remembers. He remembers every painful memory.

He can feel the walls of his dark room closing in on him, ready to suffocate him with his own agony. The dark room he thought he escaped when he tried to kill himself. The dark room he thought he was free off. He is still trapped in it.

Luke opens and closes his mouth a few times, trying his best to choose his words properly. "Ravi I… I'm really sorry about everything I said. I didn't mean it at all. I only said it because I was mad. None of it was true."

Ravi just shakes his head at Luke's apology. "You don't need to apologize. This isn't your fault." Under his breath he mumbles, "Not completely anyway."

"Then why did you do it?" Luke asks, gesturing to Ravi's arm.

Ravi shrugs and looks away. His pain is so much deeper than Luke would be able to understand. He's had to live so long in that dark, empty room with no one there to help him find his way out. He was just sick of only seeing darkness. "I guess I was tired of living in my own personal hell, and tired of being a complete waste of space." He mutters. He doesn't look at Luke as he speaks, afraid of the expression that will be on his face. "I was tired of waking up every morning feeling like my life wasn't meant to be and like I was a mistake that didn't get erased early enough. I was tired of forcefully putting a smile on my face every single day to mask the numbness and self-loathing I truly felt. I was tired of feeling like I was living my life in a dark room with no way of getting out."

Ravi swallows past the lump in his throat, not allowing himself to stop. "I was tired of going to a school and being around people who hate my guts and take pride in treating me like shit. I was tired of being bullied and tormented and fearing of every single day. I was tired of dealing with so much hatred and abuse, and feeling like I'm screaming for help but nobody is listening." He uses his shoulder to wipe a stray tear. "I was just tired of feeling like nobody cares about me, and feeling like my existence is a burden."

Luke is in disbelief at what his brother is telling him. He can't believe that this whole time his brother was feeling so miserable, and so lonely. It hurts to hear him speak like this, to hear his voice laced with so much pain and sadness. "Ravi, I-I…" Luke's voice cracks as he tries to speak. He doesn't even know what it is he should be telling Ravi after hearing all of this.

Ravi just sniffs before he continues. "You guys should've just let me die."

A tear runs down Luke's face after Ravi says this. "Why would we do that? Why would we let you die?"

"Because it would just be easier." Ravi speaks with a shaky voice. "It would just be easier for everyone if I were dead." The tears spill out of Ravi's eyes like a heavy summer rain after days of sun and heat. "My own birth mother didn't even care enough about me to keep me and love me. She just thought it would be easier to put me in an orphanage and get me out of her life. She should have just killed me when she had the chance instead of giving me up and making me suffer." Ravi feels like every cell in his body is breaking as he begins to cry harder, releasing his misery. "I wish I could just die." He sobs. "I wish I were dead."

Luke sits in his seat frozen, staring at his brother cry more than he's ever seen him cry. He doesn't know what snaps in him, but he's suddenly leaning over and embracing Ravi in a comforting and caring hug. Ravi cries into Luke's chest releasing everything he's been feeling for his entire life. He sobs into the arms of his brother, not caring that his headache has gone from jackhammer to wrecking ball, and that he's starting to feel less drugged and more pain. He just lets it all out. 15 years of grief.

Tears are running down Luke's face as he holds his younger brother. He's spent so much time teasing Ravi and worrying about what other people think of him that he didn't even take a minute to realize that maybe these things hurt Ravi.

Luke pulls away from Ravi and looks him in his eye so he can fully take in everything Luke is about to say. "I'm sorry Ravi." Luke rubs a hand across his face, wiping away the salty tears streaming from his eyes. "I'm sorry that you went through all of this and I'm sorry that we made you feel like we didn't. But we do care Ravi." Ravi stares at Luke, eyes wide and watery. "You mean so much to us. You have no idea how completely broken our whole family would be if you were dead.'

"But why?" Ravi asks, not fully believing that he is so important to his family.

Luke sighs. "Ravi I don't care what you might believe but our family needs you. Hell, I need you! Okay? I need you in my life! I don't care how much you think you're not important or that nobody cares! Because you're important to me! And I care! I care about you more than anything else in the world!

"I don't even want to think about the possibility of you being dead Ravi." Luke is crying almost as heard as Ravi was moments ago. "Because dammit you're my brother. You have no idea how much you scared the living shit out of me when I found you unconscious on your bathroom floor. Everything in me completely broke because I thought I lost my one and only brother forever. I thought I hurt you so much and mad you feel so bad that you wanted to die. I thought that I was never going to get the chance to tease you, or annoy you, or have bro time with you, or, or," Luke takes a deep breath, steadying his voice, "or tell you that I love you."

Ravi can feel his heart swelling with a feeling he hasn't felt in a long time when he hears the word "love." He can't recall the last time someone other than his mother and father told him that they loved him. He forgot how it felt for someone to show so much love and affection to him. And now that he is suddenly receiving it, he doesn't know what to do.

"I don't want to have to go through that." Luke continues after steadying his voice. "And I don't want you to go through any of this alone. I'm not gonna let you go through this alone anymore. I'm sorry I didn't show you this before, but I'm here for you Ravi." He can see something change in Ravi's eyes as he says this. "I love you."

Ravi doesn't know how to take this at first. For so long he believed himself to be insignificant and disposable to everyone around him, and now suddenly someone was telling him that all he's ever believed isn't true? How is he supposed to react to this?

He does the only thing he can think of. "I love you too." And with that they embrace in the most loving and comforting hug Ravi has ever received. He meant what he says too. Even though he felt like the feeling wasn't reciprocated, he has always loved his siblings. He loves them with all his heart.

Luke and Ravi stay there hugging for a while before breaking apart, drying their tears. "I've never been so emotional in front of someone before." Luke chuckles. "Well except last night."

Ravi laughs. "Me either." It feels good to genuinely laugh after faking it for so long. It's strange. This feeling is strange. This feeling that he might actually be wrong about a lot of things he thought to be true. This feeling that there might actually be a door in his dark room that can take him out of there forever.

Ravi is suddenly aware of the piercing pain coming from his left arm. It shoots through him like a chain saw. He reaches to touch his injured arm as he lets out a painful hiss. Whatever medicine the doctors gave has fully worn off and now he can feel the full effects of surgery and slitting his arm open.

Boy does it hurt like a bitch.

Luke watches his brother with concern. "Are you in a lot of pain?"

Ravi nods. "Yeah…"

Luke stands up. "I'll go get the doctor." He walks out of the room and returns a minute later with Dr. Sato and a young nurse. Ravi instantly stiffens at the sight of her (force of habit) but she smiles warmly at him.

"Hello Ravi." She says. "My name is Dr. Sato. My colleague and I headed the team who performed your blood transfusion." She pulls out a paper from the folder in her hands as the nurse starts checking the heart monitor and IV. "I'm just going to ask you some questions for my file. Is that alright with you?"

Ravi looks over at Luke before nodding. "Yes that's fine."

The doctor nods as the nurse begins to take Ravi's blood pressure. "Are you currently in any pain?"

"Yeah in my arm." Ravi nods. "And I have a headache too."

Dr. Sato jots down what he's said. "On a scale of 1-10 how much pain do you feel?"

Ravi thinks about this. His arm is in a fair amount of pain, even though he's not showing it too much. "Probably around a 7 or 8."

"Blood pressure 100/60." The nurse says. Dr. Sato takes not of this as well.

"Are you feeling dizzy, faint, nauseous, or disoriented?" She asks.

The nurse fills Ravi's IV with what he assumes to be pain medicine. Ravi can almost instantly feel it coursing through his blood. "No. Just weak and tired." He answers the doctors question despite the sudden high he was starting to feel from the drugs.

Dr. Sato nods and puts the paper back in her folder. "Alrighty then. We just gave you some pain medicine and it should knock you out in the next minute or so. I'll send a nurse in every hour to check on you. But for now just get some rest." Dr. Sato said as she walked out. "I'll let the rest of your family know that you woke up."

At the mention of his family, Ravi suddenly realizes that Luke is the only one with him. He has no idea where Jessie, Emma, Zuri, and Bertram are. Hell, he doesn't even know if they came to the hospital to begin with. He turns to Luke. "Where is everyone else?"

Luke, sensing Ravi's worry and apprehension, quickly reassures his brother. "They're here. But the doctors only allowed one of us to see you first." Luke shrugs. "I got to see you first. And Bertram is probably somewhere with a food baby."

Ravi laughs as he feels the pain killers pull him into a haze. He struggles to keep his eyes open as his mind starts to fog over. "I guess I better leave and let you rest."

"No!" Ravi exclaims (as much as one can exclaim when under drugs), stopping Luke from getting up. "Please stay here. I don't want to be alone." Ravi pleads with his eyes. The thought of being left alone to his own dark thoughts is starting to scare him more than ever. And for some reason, he feels a newfound attachment to Luke that's never been there before.

Luke nods. "Sure Ravi. I'll be right here when you wake up."

Sigh with relief, Ravi relaxes into his hospital bed and allows the medicine in his blood to pull him into a deep sleep.

And there you have it. Not sure how much I personally like it…

I won't bore you with talking. Please review and vote on the poll. We'd really appreciate it.

Thanks for reading and see you in the next chapter!

If you like it review. If you like it review. If you like it, take your sexy self and review!

-Bye Felicia