Disclaimer: I do not own Jessie.

Chapter 17: Burn like Ice

The next few weeks that pass are uneventful to say the least. But they pass quickly and easily and without a hitch. Group therapy continues to be exactly what it was from the very beginning: annoying and a huge hassle. Ravi still has yet to find the true value in it since he's not very comfortable in groups of people he barely knows and he has yet to open up to anyone besides the two or three people he (sorta) has opened up to. But on the plus side, he doesn't fear the idea of participating in the group discussions anymore. The pressure he used to feel on his chest at the thought of having to speak in group therapy has lifted enough that he doesn't get intense anxiety. And he doesn't feel the same dread he felt in the beginning. He's 100% sure that that is because of Grayson's presence at each session. But will he admit that to anyone who asks? Hell no. Grayson being in group gives him something to look forward to on Friday's, along with the project they have been working hard on.

Ravi can hardly believe how the friendship between him and Grayson has progressed over the past few weeks. Grayson returned Simon vs. the Homo Sapiens Agenda to Ravi the Monday after their… outing in Central Park, and they proceeded to have a long discussion on which details were the best and worst, and whether Leah should have ended up with Nick or not. Then they proceeded to talk about anything else they could think of, whether it be movie suggestions, what teachers were being asshats for no reason, Grayson's cousins, and literally anything else. Their conversations have been flowing like an easy stream of water, with little to no bumps or awkward pauses. And of course, Ravi can't stop smiling after each one, and of course, he gets asked why he keeps smiling. He's running out of plausible excuses, but he honestly doesn't care. He's friends with the insanely handsome Grayson Sinclair and he has every right to be happy about it.

Huh. Happiness. That's a concept Ravi used to be convinced he'd never understand again.

Ravi has no idea how he's become so comfortable around Grayson, or around anyone besides his immediate family. Especially since he's socially awkward around everyone else. Somehow, he's managed to click with the topaz-eyed basketballer without putting in any effort and without making a complete fool of himself. And somehow, Grayson has fully accepted him as a friend. At least that's what it seems like. He'd rather not question how and why though because he's afraid that if he thinks about it too much he'll turn into an anxious mess again. And who wants that?

His panic attacks still happen. He didn't expect them to suddenly stop. But they're somewhat less than before. Either that or he's learned how to manage and control them in a way that makes it feel like they've lessened. Ravi catches himself getting some anxiety every now and then, but he thinks he has a better handle on it than before. He's had maybe two or three really bad ones since the last time he had one, but each time he was able to calm himself down before anyone could notice. He supposes the therapy sessions must be working since he's managing so much better. He doesn't question it much since he can barely think about anything else but Grayson Sinclair nowadays.

Nobody knows about his panic attacks except the Dr. Phillips, his parents, and Jessie. And he would like to keep it that way. He wanted to avoid telling his parents and Jessie for as long as possible. But then one day Dr. Phillips sat the four of them down in his office and officially diagnosed him with Depression and Panic Disorder. So, he had no choice in whether they found out or not. And he had no choice in whether it should be out in the open or kept to himself. In all honesty, Ravi had concluded that he was depressed long before the diagnosis, and assumed that he had some sort of panic disorder as well. It's not hard to figure out once you know the signs and have first-hand experience with all the symptoms. Nonetheless, his self-revelation remained in the back of his head since his first panic attack as a mere idea that he didn't want to acknowledge. But hearing it out loud made it more real, and he suddenly has to acknowledge the fact that there is a name for what's wrong with him. The diagnosis didn't make him feel any better either. All it did was add to the pile of things that are shitty about him, and give him more reason to want to isolate himself.

It's weird though. Those feelings of wanting to be left alone in isolation haven't officially left, and he's still very much in the dark room. As the saying goes, depression does not just disappear, nor does that aching feeling that you don't belong in the world. But at the same time, Ravi isn't numb to the world like he used to be. Before it used to feel like every emotion was sucked out of him and replaced with a cold feeling of emptiness. But now, he's finding himself feeling happy and excited and looking forward to random things, even if it's only a little bit. It's weird, especially since he's felt numb for so long. But he knows it means only good things for him.

Time has been moving rather quickly, with November rolling in as quick as the fallen leaves being rustled by the wind. The fall weather has completely taken over, with small hints of winter air giving warnings of the upcoming cold weather. Almost every tree in New York City has shed it's leaves, and the city has decorated itself with fall and Thanksgiving spirit. Various stores and businesses have already started preparing for Christmas, with decorations and advertisements, but even though Christmas is close, it seems that most people have fallen in love with the fall air and are embracing it as much as they can before winter freezes them over. Ravi included.

Something else that November means is that Ravi and Grayson's Astronomy project will be due soon. They have done quite a bit of work on their Astronomy project. Their paper was halfway done, and their PowerPoint presentation was coming along nicely. Ravi is surprised at how easily he's been able to work along side Grayson, especially when he smells like the epitome of sexual arousal. Grayson has proven to be a great partner though, doing his best to contribute to the project as much as possible. Ravi is still doing most of the heavy lifting but that's only because he's incredibly knowledgeable in Astronomy. But Grayson is trying his best and helping where he can. It's the first time Ravi doesn't have to do all the work on a project that requires two or more people. If Ravi only this can be the case every time he does partner work, he thinks he'll actually start enjoying high school.

It's this particular Wednesday though that has both Ravi and Grayson mentally exhausted for whatever reason. Maybe it's the weather, or the other assignments they have due and tests. Or maybe neither one of them is in the mood. But for some reason, neither boy seems capable of concentrating on the project, and have gotten little to no work done. Ravi is typically on the attentive side when it comes to studying information. But for some hazel-eyed reason he can't seem to focus on the words in front of him. They've been staring at the same page in their Astronomy textbook for a good 45 minutes at a complete mental block. Ravi doesn't blame Grayson for it. Grayson has been putting in serious work with the basketball team, and has been working over time to keep his grades up. And Ravi is just mentally and emotionally tired sometimes.

It must be pretty obvious that they're both not really focusing because at some point, Grayson huffs loudly and sits back on the couch. "I can't read anymore. I think my eyes are going to melt if I read that paragraph again."

Ravi let's out a relieved breath. "I'm really happy you said that because I feel the exact same way."

"Dude! I've read the same line maybe five times and I still have no idea what it said!" Grayson exclaims causing Ravi to laugh.

"Maybe we should take a break for a while." Ravi suggests. "We deserve it for getting so much work done. We should let our brains recharge with something mindless."

"Something mindless." Grayson echoes, quirking an eyebrow as he thinks. It's incredibly hot when he does that, and Ravi nearly bites his lip. "How about some YouTube videos?"

Ravi smiles. "That sounds perfect."

Ravi opens his laptop and types in the YouTube url. They start out by watching some Vine compilations, and they somehow ended up on a video called 10 Real Superheros Caught On Camera. Ravi isn't nearly as interested in the videos as Grayson is, especially since he knows the videos are fake. But it's worth watching if he gets to see the extremely intrigued look on Grayson's face. He'll watch as many videos as he needs to if he gets to see that expression.

"Let's watch this one next." Grayson clicks on a video titled I bet you can't find what's wrong with this room. The video starts playing as Grayson takes a sip of his Sprite. It's just a picture of a normal looking room with a plant and television. Both Ravi and Grayson lean closer to the laptop screen to get a better look at it.

"It looks normal to me." Ravi states. "I don't think there is anything seriously wrong with it."

"Just keep looking." Grayson says, not looking away. "Maybe something will change."

Ravi just shrugs. Grayson is wearing that intrigued expression again, so Ravi decides to spend the next five or so minutes just staring at Grayson while Grayson stares at the laptop. He continues to try and find something wrong with the picture, commenting every few seconds that maybe it's the curtains, or the cat lying on the coffee table. Ravi proceeds to act like he's paying attention when he's only focused on Grayson's beautiful eyes and sharp jaw. It's like it was chiseled by Greek gods.

After a while, Ravi decides that they should get back to work for a little bit before Grayson has to leave. He's about to say something, when a scary, ghostlike face appears on the screen accompanied by a high-pitched scream. Ravi mentally sighs. He should have realized it would be a troll video. He barely reacts to the ghost face. Grayson on the other hand jumps out of his seat, the contents of the cup in his hand sloshing and splashing on to the front of Ravi's sweatshirt. Both boys jump up in surprise.

"Dammit! I'm sorry Ravi!"

Ravi shakes his head as he unzips his hoodie and pulls it off, not wanting to remain in wet or sticky clothes. "It's fine. It was an accident." He tosses his hoodie to the side and feels the front of his t-shirt. The soda didn't seep through to it. Good, he thinks. He doesn't necessarily favor the idea of having to go to his room and change completely. At least with the sweatshirt, he can just take it off and call it a day.

He sits back down, reaching forward to close the lid of his laptop. "Okay I think that's enough YouTube for now. Shall we continue working?"

Ravi waits for a response as he opens his textbook to the page they were on, but doesn't get one. He glances at Grayson when he still doesn't answer, assuming he's still shocked by the video or that something is wrong. He's eyes aren't focused on Ravi's but instead on something that's on the floor, or on Ravi's shoes maybe. Or maybe something on Ravi's jeans, judging by the direction his eyes are looking. In confusion, Ravi does his best to follow his gaze, and the blood completely leaves his face when he realizes what exactly Grayson is staring at.

Ravi's arm. His left arm. Now void of bandages and stitches. The long, ugly scar displayed for the world to see, with smaller scattered scars around it. Ravi nearly forgot exactly what his hoodie had been concealing when he took it off so hastily. He was so distracted by everything going on with the YouTube videos and the water and just being close to Grayson in general. He can't believe he was so careless and took it off without thinking. He's been doing his best to keep it out of the open, not wanting anyone to notice the reminder of that night, or for himself to notice the reminder. That night that still haunts him even when he thinks he's forgotten it. He's tried so hard to not draw any more attention to himself by hiding the scar. But there it is, out in the open. On display for Grayson to stare at, and judge.

Ravi is suddenly overwhelmed with the desire to hide for the rest of his life. He feels faint, probably because the blood hasn't returned to his face yet. He doesn't meet Grayson's eyes as he grabs his arm and pulls it into his stomach in an attempt to hide it. He's already breathing faster and can feel his fingers beginning to tremble. He's bombarded with thoughts of what Grayson probably thinks of him right now, how Grayson is probably freaked out by him. They had been making such progress, developing a friendship Ravi used to dream of having. Hell, Grayson was never supposed to see the stupid scar. Nobody was supposed to! Everyone already treats him like a fragile glass cup that can break any second. And now Grayson probably doesn't think any different. Whatever opinions Grayson has formed about Ravi have probably already changed now. Grayson doesn't want to be around someone with something so ugly embedded into their skin for the rest of their life. He doesn't want to be with someone who did something that is forever etched into his skin. He would never want to be around someone like that.

Why was Ravi ever kidding himself with ideas that Grayson actually enjoyed his company, that they could be friends or even more than that? Why had he ever believed that if he could just hide the scar away from prying eyes, people would just forget it's there and act like he didn't try to kill himself weeks ago? Why had he ever let himself believe that he was good enough to be around someone like Grayson Sinclair, someone who has a happy, normal life and doesn't get plagued by inner darkness' that has been building up for years?

Tears prick the back of his eyes, and he closes them in hopes of them stopping. He can feel a panic attack coming, but he doesn't care anymore. He's already ruined anything he and Grayson had, so what more damage can a panic attack do. He can't believe that he ever allowed himself to believe that he could ever be normal, and tread a normal life with normal friends…

Ravi's train of thought is interrupted when he feels warm fingers against his cold arm. The sudden sensation makes his heart jump into his throat. His watery eyes dart to the fingers, and gingerly travel to the owner of the fingers who's staring at Ravi's arm with both understanding and caution. Ravi looks back at his arm as Grayson gently pulls it away from Ravi's abdomen. He hesitates, still wishing to hide that part of him, but Ravi allows Grayson to pull his arm, revealing the long, dark scar. Ravi's heart is like a million horses galloping in his chest as his forearm is once again out in the open, and he debates with himself whether he should lean into Grayson's touch or pull away.

Grayson tentatively glides his fingers along the roughness of the scar. The sensation is like icy hot fire pulsating through Ravi's veins, and he knows that's an oxymoron but how else is he supposed to describe the way Ravi's insides suddenly burn like ice? Grayson's fingers trace the scar like he has a purpose behind the touch, like he's determined to know every part of Ravi. Every smooth surface and rough edge. Every flat plane and every bumpy road. Every mark and every scar. He moves his fingers along the scar as though it is merely smooth skin, unpunctured and untainted like Ravi's other arm. As if to say Ravi should never conceal this part of him form anyone, including Grayson. That he should never feel sorry for this part of him. That it is okay.

Somehow, nonverbally, this is the message Ravi receives loud and clear.

Grayson's fingers reach Ravi's wrist, and then very softly smooth over the lines in Ravi's palm. His thumb rubs against the back of Ravi's hand. A sign of comfort. Ravi wonder's if Grayson can feel how fast his pulse is going. And then Grayson's fingers travel to Ravi's fingers, and then he's lacing their fingers together with the gentleness of a feather. Ravi raises his eyes slowly until he's looking at Grayson again. Grayson's topaz gaze meets Ravi's, making his beating heart thunder even more. His breathing quickens, but not because of panic. He's suddenly aware of the proximity between the two, how they're actually much closer than he thought they were. Much closer than they have ever been, even that day in Central Park. And a thought that scares Ravi is how it's not close enough. He wants to get closer to Grayson, feel nearer to him.

Suddenly he is getting closer to Grayson. Or Grayson is getting closer to him. Or maybe both. He can't tell. Grayson is leaning towards Ravi, tentatively glancing at Ravi's parted lips. Ravi doesn't lean forward, but doesn't lean away either. He's frozen in place, unable to control the unsteady way he breathes. He feels his heart beating in his neck and it might come out of his throat if he's not careful. And then Grayson's face is mere inches away from Ravi's, close enough for Ravi to fully inhale his scent; like mint chocolate, pine, and slight musk. Grayson is close enough for Ravi to feel a longing pull at him from his core, a longing for that closeness that he wants to feel because how close they are now definitely isn't close enough.

And then, agonizingly slow, Grayson tilts his head and leans in. Ravi's eyes flutter shut, and Grayson captures Ravi's lips with his, taking the smaller teens breath away.

Ravi is first aware of how soft and gentle Grayson's lips really are, and how they taste of spearmint and Sprite and how for some reason that arouses him. He feels the sweet bliss rising within him as the initial shock wears off, but the kiss is over way before Ravi wants it to be. Grayson pulls away for less than a second, like the kiss was cautionary, like he wants to be sure that it's okay to kiss Ravi. That's at least the look he gives Ravi.

Oh, it's more than okay.

Ravi surprises himself by leaning forward and recapturing Grayson's lips, who gasps in shock. His left-hand cups Ravi's cheek as he deepens the kiss, Ravi complying. His hand somehow finds Grayson's waist (where did this courage come from, he doesn't know) and he can feel the defined muscle beneath his shirt. He's not sure what exactly he's doing since he's as inexperienced as a rock, but he can't think about that, or anything logical at the moment. His lips move against Grayson's on instinct, like it's an intricate dance he's always known he could do. Grayson's lips are so incredibly soft and warm, and they caress the depths of Ravi's lips with the swiftness of water against a rocky shore. And Ravi never wants it to stop. He wants to explore every inch of Grayson's mouth, read it like a book, and commend it to memory. Ravi would give anything for this moment to never end—

Ding!

He must have spoken too soon.

Both boys jump apart wide eyed, and suddenly end up at opposite ends of the couch as the elevator ding fills the apartment. Their faces are flushed and they're breathing heavily, both very aware at the loss they suddenly feel having to break apart so soon. But neither can utter a word.

Jessie causally walks out of the elevator as if two teenaged boys who have had undeniable feelings for each other boiling inside of them for weeks hadn't just kissed right there in the middle of the living room. Of course, she doesn't know that's what happened. But the way she causally saunters into the room as if Ravi didn't just have his first kiss seconds ago makes Ravi feel incredibly weird and, dare he say, turned on.

Her heels click against the floor as she walks in, her phone in hand. "Hey boys. Working hard I presume?"

Neither boy looks at her or to each other, both still completely flushed. Ravi grunts a feeble, "Uh huh," while Grayson somehow manages a, "Yeah," with his voice cracking.

Jessie nods as she walks to the kitchen. "Alright. Keep doing what you're doing. Don't let me bother you. Dinner will be ready soon by the way." And she disappears behind the kitchen doors.

And they are once again left alone in the living room. They continue to stare at the wall in front of them wide-eyed and red-faced and breathless for a good two minutes. Ravi slowly and daringly turns to look at Grayson out of pure curiosity and desire for something to do besides staring pathetically into space. His eyes lock on topaz ones, and they both must feel a wave of embarrassment because they quickly turn away again, their faces redder than before.

Grayson finally breaks the silence. "I," his voice cracks, "I, uhh, I should probably get home."

"I-I-I gotta eat dinner." Ravi says lamely. They both start anxiously gathering random things and shoving them in their bags. They avoid each other's eyes as they pack, their hearts still beating a mile a minute. Once they have everything, they stand. The awkwardness is thick in the air as they continue to avoid eye contact like the plague.

"Uhh, s-see you around Ravi." Grayson stutters as he scurries to the elevator. Ravi mutters a, "Yeah," and watches as Grayson steps through the elevator. Within seconds, he's gone.

Ravi collapses on the couch, still not entirely sure what just happened. Okay, he knows what just happened, but it's not fully sinking in. Every time he thinks he's able to digest the situation, his brain turns into a big heaping mess. He takes a couple minutes to breathe and calm his speeding heart to make sure the intense giddiness doesn't transform into a panic attack. Why would kissing someone you like turn into a panic attack? Ravi doesn't know. He can't think straight. Being in the living room is clogging his mind up with memories of what just happened. He can still see the golden flecks in Grayson's eyes as he came closer to him. He can still smell the incredibly potent smell of whatever Grayson uses to smell so delicious.

He really can't think straight because Ravi would never think any of those things if he was in his right mind. He needs to leave the living room and go somewhere he can think clearly.

The balcony. There's fresh air out there. No traces of chocolate and pine and musk, or anything Grayson Sinclair related. That should help him come back to his senses. He should be able to focus out there. Ravi stands up, nearly trips over nothing, but finally steps over the threshold of the balcony door and takes in a deep breath of fresh fall air.

"Hey Ravi."

Ravi, for the third time today, jumps out of his skin and let's out an incredibly embarrassing screech upon realizing that he's not the only one present. Sitting to his left looking quite cozy and comfortable with her laptop and a hoodie is Emma, who's smiling nonchalantly as if Ravi wasn't just kissing Grayson Sinclair on their couch five minutes ago.

And once again, his brain is mush.

"Emma!" Ravi croaks. "Hey! H-how long have you been out here?"

Emma shrugs. "A couple hours. I was FaceTiming Xander for a while and decided to stay out here since I didn't want to bother you and Grayson. Plus it's kind of nice out here so…" It's a good thing too. Imagine the horror if Emma walked in on Ravi and Grayson kissing right in the middle of the living room.

Heart. Racing. Cheeks. Blushing. Brain. Mushing.

Wait, but if she's been out here this whole time… "Uh, d-did you happen to, uh, see anything… interesting at all in the time you were out here?" Way to be subtle.

Emma shakes her head. "Not really. I wasn't really paying attention to anything expect Xander and some homework. Why? Did something happen?"

"Nope. Nope, nothing at all." Ravi stutters and fidgets. "Just two guys working on a project. For school. Nothing more or less."

Emma eyes him suspiciously, closing her laptop. "Are you sure you're okay? You're acting a little… funny."

"Of course I'm okay. Why wouldn't I be okay? I'm great in fact." Tone it down Ravi. Keep it casual. Ravi quickly changes the subject. "Uh, Jessie said that dinner is ready so…"

"Finally." Emma doesn't seem to notice the subject change. Thank god. She jumps up, grabs her things and trots inside, her blonde hair bouncing behind her. Ravi let's out a breath he didn't realize he was holding as he follows her inside. He purposely avoids looking at the couch, aka the spot he just had his first kiss.

Brain. Complete mush.

It doesn't take long for the rest of the Ross kids to find their way to the kitchen table for dinner, along with Jessie. Morgan and Christina had some business to take care of Upstate, so it's just the five of them tonight plus Mrs. Kipling and Bertram who's made himself scarce for the past month. But, it feels like old times, when it was just Jessie and the four Ross kids sitting around the table and avoiding their vegetables. Before the idea of suicide was even a concept to any of them.

Almost every family dinner after that night was met with thick tension. And not the same tension that was due to sibling quarrels or someone getting in trouble at school. It was an unexplainable type of tension. One that had everyone feeling like they were walking on eggshells. Like a heavy blanket was draped over the family, making dinner unenjoyable and nerve wrecking. A few weeks have passed, and the atmosphere hasn't gone back to what it used to be. It probably never will be what it used to be. But it's surely getting there.

But of course, Ravi doesn't pay much attention to the atmosphere or the conversation at hand because he can't get Grayson Sinclair's face out of his head.

He's been playing the scene over and over again trying to make sense of it, trying to get a better grasp on it. Grayson spilling soda on him. Ravi taking of his sweatshirt. Grayson noticing Ravi's scar. Ravi on the verge of breaking down. Grayson touching Ravi's arm so delicately. Grayson closing in on Ravi. Them kissing. Them kissing deeply. It all feelings so unreal. Somewhere deep down, he knows that what happened was real. But it still feels like a movie that he was living in. Or like some type of out of body experience. He almost doesn't believe that it was real. Maybe he hallucinated the entire thing and Grayson left because Ravi weirded him out.

But if that were the case, how is it that Ravi can still feel the pressure of Graysons lips against his?

Okay, so it definitely wasn't a hallucination. Or a weird daydream. It definitely happened. Ravi definitely had his first kiss today and it definitely was with Grayson Sinclair. The Grayson Sinclair. Kissed him. Ravi Ross. On his couch. Today. Unprovoked. Grayson Sinclair intentionally kissed Ravi. For more than five seconds.

Holy hell Grayson Sinclair actually kissed Ravi! For real!

Ravi does nothing to hide the redness creeping onto his cheeks, not caring if his siblings question it or if he looks insane. The giddiness in his heart prevents him from caring whether they notice it or not. He has every right to be blushing and happy right now. He just freaking kissed Grayson Sinclair!

But why though? Why on earth would Grayson decide to kiss Ravi? Up until now Ravi was convinced the Grayson was unquestionably straight and that the crush he had on him was just a pathetic dream. Ravi was sure there was no way the star basketball player and teen heartthrob could have any gay feelings, let along gay feelings for him. Now Ravi is completely confused about everything he thought was true.

So why did Grayson kiss him? Ravi isn't completely convinced that Grayson likes Ravi the way Ravi likes him, even after the kiss. His own insecurities won't allow him to see that as a plausible option. Maybe Grayson felt bad for Ravi or something. Maybe he felt sorry for him and his crush, and decided to give him a pity kiss. If that were true, Grayson would need to have knowledge of Ravi's crush beforehand.

Maybe Ravi was incredibly obvious even when he tried not to be.

Or maybe seeing Ravi's scar and how Ravi nearly fell apart because of it caused Grayson to do something drastic and impulsive like kiss him. That seems quite dramatic of a choice, but it's plausible, right? Maybe he just wanted Ravi to feel better about himself. Then again, does that even seem realistic? Do any of those scenerios make any logical sense? Or is he just trying to make up some excuse for the kiss happening because he's never seen himself as worth of anyone's affection?

So, what are the chances that Grayson kissed Ravi because he might actually like Ravi? As more than a friend? What are the chances that Grayson might be gay or some type of gay, and might be attracted to Ravi for whatever reason? What are the chances that Grayson reciprocates the feelings Ravi has for him? What are the chances that they'll kiss again?

That would mean that every moment they've been together has meant something more. Every time they hung out, talked, laughed, bonded, got coffee, or walked around Central Park meant something. It would mean that all this time Grayson was being an incredibly great actor, and really pulled off having platonic feelings. And it would probably mean that Ravi's chances of getting another kiss are incredibly high.

"Ravi!"

Ravi drops his fork and looks up at the four faces look at him. "What?"

"Are you feeling okay?" Jessie asks.

"Uh, yeah." I'm feeling amazing actually. "I'm fine. Why?"

"You've been smiling at your food for five minutes straight." Zuri says, obviously not believing him when he said he was fine.

Ravi gulps. "Oh! Well, you know. The steak is really good. And so is this broccoli." Ravi takes a bite of his food and exaggerates enjoying it to prove his point. They continue to stare at him to a point that it makes Ravi uncomfortable. "Why are you guys still staring at me?"

"Are you sure you're okay buddy?" Jessie asks. "You've been kind of jumpy since I came home. Did something happen today?"

Ravi shakes his head. "Nope. Nothing at all. I promise if anything happens I'll let you guys know. But I'm okay guys."

The Ross family doesn't seem convinced at all, but they decide to leave it at that and trust that if something is wrong, Ravi will speak up about it. They continue on with their conversation, and Ravi mentally sighs in relief. He decides to put a hold on all Grayson related thinking topics until dinner is over and he's in his room by himself.

And of course, that is easier said than done.

Ravi thought the extreme giddiness he felt would wear off by the time he went to school the next day. Surely he'd just sleep off the afterglow of kissing Grayson Sinclair, right? Wrong. He woke up Thursday morning grinning like a madman with his heart still doing its little pitter-patter dance. He tried to tone it down enough to not raise any suspicion from his family, but that's difficult to do when every chance he had to day dream all he thought about was the kiss over and over and over again.

He does his best to prevent the kiss and any thoughts of the kiss from distracting him from his schoolwork. But he can't help but let his thoughts linger to the shape of Grayson's lips while Mrs. Gomez conjugates verbs in Spanish.

He'd feel worse about it if he couldn't conjugate verbs in his sleep. But he can. So, he doesn't feel bad at all.

In fact, Ravi is barely trying to prevent himself from thinking about it. He's more than happily letting his mind wander to any and every thought of Grayson and kissing and lips and hair and… well we all get the point. Maybe it's because this whole thing is a very nice break from what Ravi would typically spend all day doing mentally: putting himself down, trying not to think about his scars, trying not to think about his suicide attempt, trying not to think about people judging him, and trying not to have a panic attack.

So yeah. This is a good mental break. He deserves it.

It's even worse when he walks into his Astronomy class and his eyes land on Grayson's hazel one's. The smirk Grayson gives him is quick, and it makes Ravi walk right into the desk that seats Ivana Davis. He quickly apologizes, and hurries to his seat. His embarrassment fades quick when he glances up and sees the smile Grayson is giving him. Ravi smiles back and continues to smile throughout the rest of the class.

"What's got you so smiley today?" Dana asks him once Mrs. Houts announces that they have the last five minutes of the period to do as they please.

Ravi shrugs. "Just in a good mood. That's all."

"Must be a really good mood. You've been staring at your desk and grinning all period. And you barely paid attention to anything Mrs. Houts said."

"Y-you noticed that?" Ravi asks. Dana nods. "Did I look creepy?"

Dana chuckles. "No, you didn't look creepy. Just… like you're feeling good about something." The bell rings, and Dana immediately stands up and waits for Ravi to do the same. "Whatever you're doing that's got you in this good mood, keep doing it. Smiles look good on you."

Ravi's smile grows wider. If that's possible. "Thanks." He finally gets up. He glances towards the front of the room and feels slight disappointment take over him when he sees that Grayson has already left the room. A small part of him expected Grayson to talk to him after class. But he's sure Grayson was in a rush, or that his friends dragged him out of class or something. Doesn't matter. He'll have time to talk to Grayson later on.

Dana and Ravi have PE next period, so they head to the gym together. PE typically gives Ravi incredible anxiety (sports, physical activity, balls being thrown everywhere, having to change in front of multiple people). It's amazing how one kiss can completely distract him from every problem he's always had. The two of them take their time going to the gym as they have small talk.

"Oh! I almost forgot." Dana says as they take the stairs. "Uncensored is having another open mic night this Saturday. Same time and same place. Do you think you'll be able to come?"

"Depends. Can I still bring someone with me?" Ravi asks.

Dana's face falls. "If you must bring Luke, yes, you can bring him."

"Why don't you like him?" Ravi asks, curiosity getting the best of him.

"I never said I didn't like him."

"It was blatantly obvious to everyone that you don't like Luke."

Dana scoffs. "Well, can you blame me? No offense, but Luke is a dick. A pompous, narcissistic, immature, no braincell having dick. And I know a boat load of people who agree with me."

"I know." Ravi says. "I agree too. But he's trying to be a better person. He's grown a lot too. Could you maybe cut him some slack and give him a chance to prove that he's not the same dick he used to be?"

Dana looks at him funny as she stops in her tracks. "What?" Ravi asks with furrowed brows.

"Why are you defending him like that?" Dana asks. "Why are you trying to stick up for him?"

"What do you mean? He's my brother. Of course I'll stick up for him." Ravi doesn't know why Dana's attitude completely changed with the conversation. Yeah, she doesn't like Luke, but everything that usually makes up her personality has disappeared, and she now looks appalled, and almost disgusted.

She scoffs again as they get to the gym doors. "Huh. You know, it's really funny that you said that."

"What does that mean?" Ravi narrows his eyebrows.

Dana shakes her head. "Nothing. Forget it. Just… let me know if you can come, okay? And invite whoever you want." Her smile returns as she heads towards the girls locker room, but it's not as bright as before their conversation. Ravi wonders why she got upset like that. He didn't think her hatred for Luke went that deep, but apparently it does. Whatever the case, he doesn't have time to think about it because the bell rings and he has to hurry so he can change in the bathroom instead of the locker room.

Ravi walks out of his AP Chemistry class at the end of the day still feeling happier than he's felt in months. The day seemed to fly by without a hitch, and thankfully without any panic attacks. He hasn't seen Grayson since Astronomy, but that doesn't deter him in the slightest. If anything, it makes him more anxious for when he does get to talk to him. Anxious excited, not anxious nervous.

Ravi has decided to go up to Grayson after the final bell and talk to him about… well he doesn't know yet. But the happiness cloud he's been on has given him enough courage to do this without second guessing himself. He can barely believe he has enough nerve to do it. He usually cringes at the idea of initiating conversation, or of voluntarily socializing with anyone. But for whatever reason, he's feeling confident about this. He'll just go up to him and say "hey". They don't even need to talk about the kiss. He just likes the idea of being close to Grayson and being able to talk to him. So that's exactly what he's going to do.

Ravi rounds a corner and can see Grayson standing by his locker. He's about to walk over to him, his heart eyes definitely showing, but stops in his tracks when he realizes Grayson isn't alone. Brenna Monroe is leaning against the locker next to him, smiling and chatting with him. She laughs at something Grayson said, and runs her hand down his arm as he bites his lips. Grayson then closes his locker and engulfs Brenna in a hug, which seems way friendlier than it should be. He then kisses her check, and they walk in the opposite direction of Ravi, arms around each other.

Ravi doesn't follow them. He doesn't stick around long enough to find out where exactly they're going. Instead, he finds the closest closet and locks himself in. He feels his heart dropping into his feet as he replays what he just saw. That exchange between Grayson and Brenna.

He feels so stupid.

How could he ever think that someone like Grayson might actually like him? How could he ever let himself get happy over something like a kiss which obviously had no real meaning to Grayson? Why did he ever think that he would have a real chance with Grayson? How could he let himself get so hopeful over something that was obviously a fantasy?

He's not blind, nor is he an idiot. Nothing about that exchange between Grayson and Brenna was innocent or platonic. They were so obviously flirting with each other. The way Brenna laughed and touched Grayson. Grayson's lip bite and body language. The hug and kiss and just… everything. Why didn't he see it before? The handsome jock and the pretty girl with pretty eyes to match the topaz ones. They're obviously perfect for each other.

Don't you dare cry. He swallows past the lump in his throat. He feels like such a fool. Grayson would never like someone as fucked up as Ravi. Grayson's not even gay. Ravi is sure of it. There's no way he could be, not after the way he acted around Brenna. But if he's not gay, then why did he kiss Ravi? Was he trying to take advantage of him? Or use him? Or make him look stupid? Or make him feel stupid?

It must be one of those things. Or all of them. Ravi doesn't know. He's just as confused as he is embarrassed as he is depressed as he is angry. He can't believe he let himself get close to Grayson. He can't believe he trusted him and became friends with him. Did he really think that would last, or that it would become more? Did he really think that a jock would want to be friends with Ravi?

Grayson probably wanted to humiliate him. That's it. He wanted a chance to have fun with the most messed up kid at Waldon Prep. He wanted to remind Ravi of what he really is, which is nothing. Absolutely nothing.

All the giddiness and happiness is gone. Grayson took it when he walked away with Brenna in his arms. And Ravi's absolutely sure that he'll never get it back.

Gasp! Brenna and Grayson? Really? Nooooooo!

*insert evil laugh*

-Bye Felicia