Life's been busy. Work, school, family, etc. I've had writers block for this chapter for months. But we're still here and she's finished. So Merry Christmas, Happy Hanukah, Happy Kwanza, Happy New Year, here's the next chapter.

Disclaimer: I do not own Jessie.

Chapter 18: It Was Real

Ravi wakes up in a terrible mood Friday morning after not sleeping very well due to the previous two days being on his mind. Everything that's happened, the scars, the kiss, the sly looks in class, freaking Brenna Monroe, has been replaying in his head all night like a bad horror film. The more he thought about it all, the more embarrassed and foolish and overall irritated he felt throughout the night. And worst of all, he feels exposed. Naked. He unintentionally let his guard down, showing Grayson a part of himself nobody was supposed to see. He let Grayson see the one thing that's most vulnerable about him. And in that process, Grayson threw it right back in his face. As if there was no better way to remind Ravi that he really means nothing to him.

But overall, Ravi feels incredibly disappointed. About Grayson, himself, life. And he's a little mad at himself for getting his hopes up and giving himself false hope. He can't believe he fooled himself into think he and Grayson could become something more. Of course he had been hoping to have a more… intimate relationship with Grayson. And for a moment, he was certain that's what would happen. Call it wishful thinking, but he actually believed the kiss was meaningful because Ravi felt something like a burning fire during it. And he could have sworn Grayson felt it too. But once again, someone of a higher caliber has managed to take advantage of him and humiliate him. And causally break his heart as well.

He should be used to this by now, he knows. It's been a common narrative for years. But it hurts so much more this time around. Maybe because the people who hurt him didn't take the time to befriend him first. And he never developed a crush on them either.

Ravi rubs the sleep out of his eyes and sits up. He's exhausted and irritated and grumpy. But it doesn't matter how he's feeling at the moment, or how much he wants to wrap himself in a blanket burrito and stay in bed. He's not going to miss out on school over it. And on top of that, he's not going to wallow in self pity either. So what if Grayson Sinclair doesn't reciprocate Ravi's feelings? So what if Ravi will probably have to work ten times harder to avoid him at all costs just because seeing that infuriatingly gorgeous face will probably trigger him? He's not going to let something like that knock him back down into the place he's been trying to get out of for weeks. He's going to do his best to move past it, get over his crush, and focus on more important things.

Of course, that's going to be difficult to do when they're forced to see each other during school. And when they have to work on a project together.

Ravi will just have to do his best to avoid Grayson, and just pay him no mind. He won't talk to him in between classes, or eat lunch with him like they've been doing for weeks, or text him or anything. He won't sit next to him during group therapy either, or accept any hang out invites for afterwards. He'll make it work, and do what he can to make sure he doesn't have to encounter Grayson Sinclair. And hopefully, he'll eventually move on and never think about him again, and this entire segment of his life will be long forgotten.

And of course, the first thing Ravi sees when he walks into his Astronomy class is Grayson Sinclair, the one person he's trying to avoid, surrounded by friends and laughing his head off without a care in the world. The boiling pit of panic in Ravi tells him to run away and find a corner to hide in. But he proceeds inside the class (Ravi Ross does not skip class), doing his best to act unaffected by Grayson's presence.

Like a magnet, Grayson's eyes connect with Ravi's and he gives Ravi a warm, innocent smile. As if nothing has happened. As if he didn't just play with Ravi's emotions and make Ravi look like a fool. The nerve, Ravi thinks as he quickly looks away, pretending he didn't see those damn hazel eyes. He plops into his seat, doing his absolute best to not look in Grayson's direction. He takes out his notebook and starts scribbling random nonsense in it, pretending to write so it doesn't look to obvious that he's avoiding Grayson's gaze. He can feel the topaz eyes burning into him, but he's determined to ignore it as much as he can. No matter how difficult that proves to be.

Thankfully Dana is not here to question his behavior. She would be the first person to notice something is off about him, and would start asking way too many questions until Ravi caves. He silently thanks whatever deity that's in charge for her absence. He also thanks the track team for having an away game which caused them to leave early this morning, thus causing her to miss her Friday classes. Nonetheless, he'd rather not have her asking why he's suddenly not in his "happy-go-luck" mood anymore. He'd rather not have to lie to her about why he can't even look at Grayson without feeling like crumbling. Or panicking. Or exploding. He really shouldn't feel this way. He knows it. But he can't help but feel used and betrayed and just raw all together. Maybe it's because Grayson saw the scars which Ravi tried so very hard to hide. Or maybe it's the intensity of the kiss, and how it left Ravi feeling. Maybe it's because he let some of his walls down just a little bit, only for them to be beaten down by the one person he didn't think would.

All he feels now is sick to his stomach.

Get a hold of yourself, he thinks to himself. This is not the end of the world, no matter how much it might feel that way. He's not going to act like a stereotypical melodramatic teen in the movies and television shows Emma loves watching so much. No, he's better than that. As long as he keeps his distance from Grayson, pays him no mind, and pretends like they were never friends (and that they never kissed), he should have no problems.

Easier said than done…

The bell rings and the class starts. At least now he can focus on the lesson instead of thinking about topaz eyes and kisses and flirting and betrayal. That's a plus Ravi supposes.

Except he can't stop thinking about those damn topaz eyes!

Throughout the entire class, Grayson keeps glancing back at Ravi, trying to get his attention or at least make eye contact with the younger boy. But Ravi busies himself with talking notes vigorously (more attentively than he has his entire life) and appearing like he's completely engrossed in the lesson. He's concentrating so hard on trying to appear like he's concentrating on the lesson that ultimately stops concentrating on the lesson. And he breaks two pencils (where did this strength even come from). But he doesn't stop the act. He continues this, his hands cramping up several times, until the bell rings, in which he packs up his stuff as quickly as possible and beelines out of the room with the swiftness of lightning. If he's fast enough, he can make it to his locker, get his lunch, and make it to the lunch room without Grayson seeing or catching up to—

"Ravi! Wait up!"

It's like the devil has condemned him to a life of hell.

Ravi quickens his pace as much as he can in the crowded hall way without bumping into anyone. He weaves through the crowd with an agility he didn't know he had. But as the universe would have it, Grayson catches up to him anyway (you don't just become co-captain of the varsity basketball team without being fast, now do you).

"Hey. I've been texting you all night but never got a reply." He grabs Ravi's shoulder and spins him around so they're facing each other. He's smiling, but Ravi stares into his shoes. "I figured your phone was off or you were busy or something. But I really wanted to talk to you." Ravi recieved the texts. All of them. But he ignored them all of course, nearly deleting all the messages every time his phone dinged. What more did he need to hear or see from Grayson anyway? He got all the answers he needs already. Ravi continues to look at his shoes, keeping his distance. Grayson must notice that Ravi is being standoffish because his smile drops, and he looks concerned. "Is everything okay? Did something happen?"

"I'm not sure how much you'll care if something did happen."

"Huh?" Grayson blinks, taking a step back.

Ravi shakes his head. " Never mind. It doesn't matter anyway." He takes a deep breath as he adjusts the strap of his bookbag. "Um, it's not necessary for you to keep coming over to work on the project by the way. I can finish it by myself."

"W-what?" Grayson looks perplexed. "What are you talking about?"

"You don't have to come over anymore to work on the project, or pretend to like hanging out with me, or do anything for me anymore. No need to feel sorry for me or anything." Ravi turns to walk away, but Grayson reaches out and grabs his shoulder before he can go anywhere.

"Ravi, wait." Ravi turns to face him but still doesn't meet his eye. The last thing he needs is to look into those damn eyes. "What's going on? Did I do something?" Ravi glares at his shoes in response, refusing to give Grayson any satisfaction. "Ravi come on. Please. Talk to me. What did I do to get you mad?"

"I'm not mad." Ravi mumbles.

"Then why are you tell me all these things?"

"Because I don't want you to feel bad for me." He finally looks up, deciding to look in between Grayson's eyes rather than his eyes itself. "I don't want you hanging out with me and doing things with me just because you feel sorry for me or you think I'm pathetic or anything like that. You shouldn't have to pretend to be my friend if you don't really want to be. So, it's better if we just avoid each other. That way you don't have to do anything you wouldn't normally do, and we can both avoid humiliation."

"Ravi, I don't understand." Grayson pleads. "Where is this coming from? I don't think you're pathetic. And I don't feel bad for you either."

"Then why did you kiss me?" The question is quiet enough for only Grayson to hear, but sharp enough to silence an entire room. Ravi watches as he goes speechless, his ears becoming red. He actually looks physically lost for words. Must be the guilt or realization. That's what I thought. "I saw you and Brenna yesterday."

Grayson's face adopts an expression of confusion. "Me and Brenna?"

"After last period. I saw the two of you flirting." Ravi looks back down at his feet. "And I really don't understand why you would kiss me if you're straight and like Brenna. The only plausible reason I can come up with is that you felt sorry for me or you just felt like using me or something. But I really don't need or want the pity from you or from anyone. So, just forget about me or that we were ever close, or that anything happened between us. I'll finish the project, write your name on it, and you'll get a good grade, and we never have to talk again." There. He said it. Despite how painful it feels, he had to say it. He can't let Grayson just play around with his feelings like that. Not when he's trying so hard to avoid his dark room as much as possible.

Ravi turns to leave again, feeling proud of himself for standing up for himself and having the last word, but Grayson stops him again, this time grabbing both shoulders and spinning him around.

"Ravi wait a minute." Grayson starts, the perplexed expression back. "You think I like Brenna?"

"You obviously do." Ravi says. "Or you wouldn't have been flirting with her."

"You think Brenna and I were flirting?" Grayson tries to suppress a laugh but fails. The laugh starts out small, but he's eventually doubled over, laughing hysterically as though Ravi said something so hilarious. Ravi can't believe that Grayson is blatantly mocking him like this, right in the middle of the hallway. He really was wrong about Grayson all along. He's a douche just like all the other jocks at this school.

"You think this is funny?" Ravi growls, and Grayson stops laughing. "You humiliate me and now you're laughing at me?"

"Wait, wait, no. I'm sorry." Grayson quickly says. "I wasn't laughing at you. I was laughing at the idea of me and Brenna dating."

"Why is that funny?"

"Because," Grayson smiles, "Brenna and I are not dating. We don't even like each other like that. We're just friends. And we weren't flirting, I can promise you that."

"But, but," Ravi splutters, "I saw the two of you yesterday. The way you were talking and laughing and touching and just... How can you tell me that's not flirting?"

Grayson sighs. He looks around him as the bell rings and pulls Ravi into a corner where they can't be seen or heard. The hallway is already empty since the period has already started, but the corner seems more intimate than the wide and spacious hallway. Ravi should be worried about getting to his next class, but he remembers that he has lunch and doesn't need to get there at a certain time.

"Okay Ravi, listen." Grayson starts. "I know you think you saw me and Brenna flirting, and I guess I don't blame you for thinking that. But we definitely were not. I swear."

"But—"

"I know, I know it might look that way." Grayson quickly adds in. "But there's no chance of anything happening between Brenna and me." He sighs and runs a hand through his chocolate hair, an anxious look displayed on his face. Ravi swallows, his heart beginning to pound in his chest for whatever reason. "Brenna has been my best friend for years. She's been there for me through some really tough stuff in my life and knows practically everything about me. Including my biggest secret. We're really good friends, but that's it. We're not dating, or flirting, and I don't have romantic feelings for her. Platonic only."

Ravi feels more confused and slightly more irritated than before. "But, but if the two of you are so close and some to have such a good connection, why wouldn't you date her, or at least like her?"

"Ravi…" Grayson breathes out Ravi's name as he squeezes his eyes shut. Ravi can't tell if it's because he's frustrated or anxious or both, but he has his eyes shut still and both hands gripping his chocolate locks as struggles to say what he says next. "Ravi when I say that Brenna knows my biggest secret… I mean that she knows…" He takes a second breath. "She knows that I'm gay."

Ravi's jaw drops. It is now his turn to be rendered speechless. He blinks a few times. This is definitely not what he was expecting to hear coming from the jock. Surely, he must have heard incorrectly. In no way shape or form did Grayson just admit to him that he's gay. No, that's not what he heard. He imagined it. OR he's dreaming. Or… he doesn't have time to think of another 'or' because Grayson starts speaking again.

"Brenna was the first person I ever came out to." Grayson says in a quiet voice. "She was the first person to ever make me feel comfortable about my sexuality since not a lot of athletes are gay and I just felt out of place for a long time. She's the whole reason I can say 'I'm gay' out loud. She helped me come out to my family too, and she's just been biggest support system. She's honestly been like a rock to me for years. But she's been my best friend through all of this. And only my best friend."

Ravi's jaw remains slack as he takes a minute to process everything that he's just learned. It's still not making complete sense. It all feels like an extremely complicated math problem in his head as he tries to piece together every bit of information he's just heard. But Ravi still feels utterly flabbergasted. I mean, Grayson literally just spelled everything out for him, and told Ravi everything he didn't know he wanted to know until he already knew it. But why does it feel like he's doing calculus rather than listening to Grayson. In fact, calculus is easier to understand than the simple fact that Grayson Sinclair is a gay human being.

The information is still taking too long to register. Grayson. Gay. Brenna. Best friends. Coming out. Gay. Grayson. Grayson is gay. Grayson is gay?

Is it possible that Grayson Sinclair, the basketball heartthrob of Walden Academy, is gay? Is it possible that Ravi might have overreacted to seeing Brenna and Grayson together, and that he might have interpreted their behavior toward each other completely wrong? Is it possible that he doesn't entirely know what flirting looks like anyway, so how could he possible think that what he saw was flirting? Is it possible that he allowed his own insecurities and self-doubts to stop him from believing that Grayson might have kissed him because he likes him or has some type of interest towards him? Have the past 20 hours or so of him brooding and feeling sorry for himself been a result of him just overthinking everything?

It seems like the answer is right in front of him.

"So," Ravi starts after a minute, his face scrunched up as he concentrates on putting the pieces together, "so you and Brenna…?"

"Just friends." Grayson grins.

"And you're…?"

"Yup."

"You're really…?"

"I'm definitely gay."

"So…" Ravi's eyes grow wide as realization washes over him. If Grayson is definitely gay, and he kissed Ravi… "…t-the kiss…"

"It was real." Grayson finishes. "Or, it's whatever you want it to be, I guess. But for me it was real." He gives Ravi a shy smirk as both their cheeks turn red. His hand twitches like he wants to grab Ravi's hand, but it stays glued to his side. Ravi finally allows himself to meet those deep topaz gems and tries to remember when last he saw anything that beautiful. And why he ever tried to deny himself the right to look into them.

Ravi starts feeling the same tingling goodness he felt right before he and Grayson kissed for the first time. He felt that same pull toward the athlete as he bore into those deep pools of topaz. He feels the need to kiss him right there in the hallway, oh how he wants to feel his lips again.

"Ravi!" The two jump apart, their cheeks the color of a tomato. Ravi recognizes Luke's voice coming from a distance, but can't see his brother anywhere. He must be further down the hall or something.

Grayson straightens up and clears his throat. "We, uh, we should probably get to lunch before it's too late. I-I gotta meet with the team and you gotta, you know, eat…" He stutters. "But, we'll talk more later. I promise." He says as he backs away.

"Yeah. Sure." Ravi nods, walking backwards in the other direction. "Later."

Before Ravi knows it, Grayson is completely out of sight, and Ravi is left standing in the deserted hallway with the cheesiest grin on his face. He doesn't know how long he stands there like that before Luke finally spots him and breaks him out of the blissful bubble he's been in.

"Ravi! There you are. You didn't show up to lunch and I got worried for a minute." Luke furrows his eyebrows as Ravi blinks out of his daze and stares at Luke as if he's never seen him before. "Are you alright? You look sorta hypnotized."

Well, that's one way to put it. "Oh, yeah I'm fine. Just thinking about some test answers. That's all." Ravi gives Luke a reassuring smile. "But I'm sure I got all the answers mostly right this time, so we can just..." Ravi starts to awkwardly walk toward the lunch room but is quickly stopped by Luke.

"Actually," Luke stammers, "can we maybe eat somewhere that's not the cafeteria today?"

"Why not?" Ravi asks.

"Well," Luke's voice goes up a couple octaves, "too many people in there at the moment. Kinda feels over crowded. You know…"

Ravi doesn't, but nods anyway. "Okay, and where do you suppose we eat instead?"

"Literally anywhere else." The desperation in Luke's voice is evident. Ravi sighs. He's been in situations where going to the lunch room was out of the question far too many times, and knows exactly where to go when he's feeling either overwhelmed by the lunch room, or unwelcome.

The library.

Yes, that's right. The stereotypical spot to hide away during lunch time for people who don't have an influx of friends to spend the period with. Ravi goes to his locker to grab his food, and leads Luke to the library, where he's sure his brother has been in maybe three times in his school career. Luke looks around the place in awe, and very obviously looks uneasy about being there seeing that he's not used to libraries. Nonetheless he follows Ravi inside anyway. The two find a table in a corner and make themselves comfortable.

"It's so quiet in here." Luke says in between bites of his sandwich.

"That's because you're supposed to remain quiet in a library." Ravi smirks as he watches his brother looks around him like a toddler. "It's a common societal rule."

"Well, yeah I know that." Luke says. "But I didn't realize it would be this quiet. I can literally hear people breathing."

Ravi chuckles. "When you're in here enough, you get used to the silence."

Luke nods as he chews his food. "And they just let people eat in here whenever they want? Isn't there like, some type of rule that nobody can bring food here or something? Wouldn't this disturb the peace?"

"I don't think so. I've eaten in here countless times, and nobody has ever stopped me, so if there is a rule against it the school isn't working hard enough to enforce it properly."

"It's kind of nice, actually." Luke shrugs. "Being in here. Like, it's not overly loud and you get some time to be by yourself. I can see why you come in here so often."

"Yeah, well," Ravi sighs, "it was never by choice. Anytime I come here, whether it be during lunch or any other time, it's usually because I never had friends to hang out with, and the people around me were, you know…" Ravi rubs his left arm unconsciously, "being mean…"

Realization hits Luke as it dawns on him exactly why Ravi finds himself secluded in the library so often. "Ohh. Right, I almost forgot…"

They eat their food in a silence that's neither comfortable, nor uncomfortable, but somewhere in the middle. After a few minutes Ravi breaks it.

"Why didn't you want to eat in the lunch room like we normally do anyway?" Ravi asks.

Something in Luke's demeanor darkens. He looks down at the table and gnaws at his bottom lip for a moment. Ravi eyes his brothers hand, which clenches into a fist for a moment before releasing. "Carter Evans walked into the lunchroom."

"Oh." Ravi hasn't seen much of Carter Evans since the fight happened, briefly seeing him in the halls a couple of times, but never getting close enough to him to interact, or to properly see his face. He almost forgot about the notorious bully seeing that he hasn't been messing with Ravi since he's been back at school. He waits for Luke to say something, but the freckled teen is staring a whole into the table. "Did something happen?"

Luke shakes his head. "I left before I could do something I would regret."

"Did he say anything to you?"

"I wish he would." Luke mumbles. "He's been avoiding me like AIDs ever since I jumped him. Which is good because I can barely think about him without wanting to break something…"

"Luke." Ravi can see sparks of anger crawling their way into Luke's features.

"I just hate that he walks around like a pretentious asshole, flexing like he's so big and bad or whatever just because he's a jock. Acting tough and intimidating people smaller than him, and being a grade-A jerk. And nobody but me has the guts to stand up to him about it and bitch-slap him off his damn pedestal."

"I know Luke. Believe me, I know."

"I just couldn't stay in the cafeteria without wanting to break his nose again and I didn't feel like getting another suspension. Or arrested. So, I left."

"And I'm glad you did." Ravi pats Luke's clenched fist which had been turning white. Luke releases his hand. "The last thing I want is for you to get into more trouble. Especially for someone who typically walks away with a slap on the wrist. And I understand your anger about it, but trust me when I say you've done enough to him."

Luke nods. "Yeah I know. He doesn't still mess with you, does he?"

"No, I've barely seen him." Ravi says. "Every time I see him in the hallway he eventually disappears. Come to think of it, I think he's been avoiding me much like he's been avoiding you."

Luke smirks. "Good. Guess I put the fear of God in him, huh?"

"Wow, you're so modest." Ravi deadpans.

They both chuckle. They finish the rest of their lunch in silence, this time enjoying the comfortable silence between them. Finally, as he's bunching up his garbage, Luke speaks up. "Thanks for being here with me. Not sure what I would be doing right now if I didn't find you."

Ravi thinks. "Have you ever had lunch in a bathroom stall?"

The look of horror on Luke's face is oddly satisfying to Ravi. "No! People actually do that? I thought that was just something that happened in movies to be dramatic."

"There's a lot more truth to it than you think."

"Have you ever had to eat lunch in the bathroom?"

Ravi purses his lips as he nods. He immediately regrets answering truthfully upon seeing the sadness that spreads on Luke's face.

"You should have never had to. I'm sorry I wasn't there for you enough." Luke's voice is quiet and guilt ridden. He has the same look on his face he often had the first week of Ravi's recovery. Ravi wants to tell him he has nothing to apologize for, and that none of what happened to him was Luke's fault. He wants to tell his brother that he doesn't blame him for any of it. Anything to get his brother to not look so sorrowful. But he doesn't get to say anything because the universe is just having a ball with his life today.

Brenna Monroe casually saunters over to their table, obviously not noticing the current mood. "Hey Ravi, Luke. Good to see you guys."

Luke went from incredibly sad to face the shade of Clifford the dog in .5 seconds. He gawks at Brenna, unable to speak, forcing Ravi to take over in that department. "Hello Brenna. Nice seeing you again." He has to bite back the malicious tone in his voice. They weren't flirting. Grayson is gay. They weren't flirting. They're best friends…

"Just thought I'd let you guys know that Uncensored is having another open mic night tomorrow, and since you guys enjoyed it the first time I figured you'd want to come again." Her smile reaches her pretty blue eyes. Ravi glances and Luke. He resembles those people who get incredibly starstruck over seeing their favorite celebrity.

"Dana already spoke to me about it, but I've forgotten until now. I'll definitely be there though. Luke you're going to come too, right?"

Luke doesn't answer. His eyes are glued on Brenna and his mouth hangs. Luke's definitely got it bad for her. Ravi kicks him under the table and his brother finally blinks, turning his attention to Ravi. "Wha…"

"You're going to come with me to tomorrows open mic night, right?"

"Uhh, umm, y-yeah of course. Yeah open mic. Poetry. I'll go. Yeah."

Brenna isn't even phased by Luke's behavior. Her smile remains on her lips. "Great! And if you're considering participating and reciting your own work just let me or Dana know so we can secure your names on the list."

Ravi gives her a sheepish smile. He doesn't have the heart to decline, or tell her he'd probably faint if he attempted to do so. He won't lie, the thought of writing poetry has crossed his mind quite frequently, especially when he remembers the journal Dr. Phillips gave him. It's the public speaking part thought that gets to him. Nothing about standing in front of people and reciting his feelings sounds appealing to him, and he'd rather not have everyone witness him vomit.

Either way, he rather enjoyed the last open mic night, and now that his head is a bit clearer he supposes he can enjoy it more. He'll probably have to hold Luke's jaw up the whole time, but he doesn't doubt that it will ultimately be a good evening.

And he just found a way to make it even better.

YES! Finished.

I just created an account on AO3 so if anyone want's to follow me there, I will be creating content soon (it's gonna be the same stuff I have here, but support is support).

Thanks for reading!

-Bye Felicia