Hi sisters!

New chapter alert. Get ready, because stuff is gonna happen in this one. Loads of stuff.

Disclaimer: I do not own Jessie

Chapter 19: It's Not Enough

"So, I know I promised we'd talk later," Grayson says after Tiago dismisses group therapy that afternoon, "and, you know, it's later. But I have to babysit my cousins tonight, and if I don't leave this building in the next five minutes, I'll be seeing the lovely face of my angry Puerto Rican aunt, which nobody really wants to see. So, I can't really hangout right now…" Grayson trails off. Ravi notes that the older teen looks genuinely disappointed in the fact that he has something else he needs to do. He has a random urge to aggressively kiss Grayson, but he just smiles instead.

"It's okay." Ravi stands up. "I don't want to be the cause of you getting in trouble. We can always talk another time." Grayson smiles in relief. Ask him now! the little voice in his head yells at him. He knows this is the perfect segue for him to ask Grayson to attend tomorrows open mic night. What better time to ask than when they're literally talking about hanging out? But Ravi's tongue becomes heavy in his mouth as every ounce of courage in his body sinks to the floor. He tries to get the words out as the two walk towards the elevator but to no prevail. Ravi finally understands the phrase "cat got your tongue", because he literally feels like a feline has clawed his tongue out.

Ravi knows that if he doesn't ask Grayson now, he never will. And he will regret not asking Grayson to come to open mic night for the rest of the foreseeable future. On top of that, what is he afraid of? They've already kissed, and it's pretty clear that they see each other as more than friends. Plus, they agreed to talk later. And those were Grayson's words. So nothing should be stopping Ravi from asking.

Still, his throat feels like a golf ball is lodged in it.

Finally, once the two are in the elevator, Ravi clings on to whatever courage his body has left and takes a deep breath. "Actually," Grayson turns to Ravi, "I was invited to the open mic night for Uncensored tomorrow night. Dana and Brenna asked me to come. And I was told that I can bring anyone I want to attend. So, I was wonder if you might want to come with me?" Ravi's voice grows small, and he stares at his shoes as his cheeks turn red. His heart is threatening to jump out of his chest because holy crap did he just ask Grayson out on a date?

Grayson blushes deeply, but the smile on his face grows. "That sounds like fun. I'd love to go with you." He becomes a bit sheepish. "I'm, uh, I'm really happy you asked me."

Ravi smiles too. "So am I." They gaze at each other for the next ten seconds of the elevator ride, both boys a blushing awkward mess of feelings. They don't say anything until the elevator reaches the ground floor and let's them both out. Grayson all but sprints out of the building after telling Ravi he'll see him tomorrow and to text him with the details. Ravi follows behind at a much slower pace. He still trying to process what just happened as he exists the building and spots the Ross limo. Did he really just ask Grayson to go on a date with him? Without embarrassing himself? And did Grayson really just say yes? Did that just happen, or is he dreaming?

The cold November air angrily slaps him in the face as he walks towards the limo, telling him that no this isn't a dream. It's reality.

And apparently, it's his reality.

"I still don't see why you had to ask him to come out tonight. Aren't I enough company?" Luke asks as the two boys make their way to Delphine's on Saturday night.

"Yes of course you are." Ravi replies. "But Grayson and I are friends now." Of course with the term friends being used rather loosely. "And I quite enjoying hanging out with him outside of school and our project. And I thought he might like listening to poetry, y'know…" He does his best to not make it blatantly obvious that this is kind of sort of maybe somewhat of a date for him and Grayson. He has yet to mention to any one about his feelings for Grayson and his sexuality (he has yet to even figure out what his sexuality is), and he'd rather like to keep it that way for now. So, all Ravi needs to do is pretend like this is just a completely normal event with his friends and brother, and pretend that he doesn't feel his knees go weak when Grayson graces him with that dimpled smile.

Yup. Easy as pie.

"Whatever." Luke shrugs nonchalantly. "Invite whoever you want to these open mic nights. Just as long as I'm not being replaced or anything."

"No. Never. You're my brother. No one can replace that."

When Ravi told Luke that Grayson would be coming along to the open mic night, he was thoroughly surprised at how indifferent Luke was about it. He was a little shocked at first that the varsity jock has any interest in poetry (or doing anything outside of sports) but shrugged it off. Of course Ravi had been panicking for a good half an hour trying to figure out how he was going to tell Luke, and what he would do if his brother reacted negatively. And for Luke to grant barely more than an, "Okay…" after Ravi rehearsed exactly what he wanted to say at least 600 times, well let's just say the angry nervous butterflies in his stomach stopped fluttering so suddenly that he nearly passed out right then and there.

Needless to say, Ravi realized quickly that Grayson's presence is only a big deal to him. Nobody else will care that much.

The two cross the street as the light starts blinking. The sign for Delphine's blinks bright blue just a few stores down from the street corner, with students lingering outside the venue. Ravi has a small moment of déjà vu as he approaches the restaurant. The scene feels exactly the same as the last time he came to open mic night, except for the amount of nauseating anxiety he had about it. He remembers how absolutely terrified he was of attending the event, and how every cell in his body screamed at him to turn back because he wasn't ready for social events. He remembers how much he regretted the decision to deviate from his norm by leaving the penthouse on a Saturday night like a normal teenager.

And he also remembers how much he liked the event, and how the nauseating anxiety became very minute by the end of it. He even remembers considering to take up the opportunity to recite something of his own (only for a second though).

This time around, Ravi feels far more confident that he can handle the event. He's been doing well enough in social gathers that he hasn't been feeling the overwhelming sense of being crushed any more. Gone is the feeling of his chest tightening and his stomach flipping (at least for the night anyway), and the thought of being in such a crowded area isn't making him uneasy. He feels content in going to the open mic night, and maybe even a little excited to be around some friendly people, hear good poetry, and eat amazing food.

So yeah, Ravi is overall feeling pretty good about the entire thing. Not nervous at all.

That is until they're finally standing in front of Delphine's and none other than Grayson Sinclair is standing right be the entrance, anxiously jumping from one foot to the other and gnawing on his bottom lip. He stops fidgeting when he sees Ravi in front of him, his expression going through a plethora of emotions before he blushes and smiles.

"Hey." The dimples slice his cheeks. It's almost unfair how that alone sends Ravi's brain to another dimension.

Ravi almost forgets how greetings work. "H-hi." He croaks. Neither of them move or do anything other than looking at each other with red cheeks and bashful grins. Grayson is giving Ravi this wide-eyed, puppy dog face that's making it hard to figure out whether he wants to pummel him in kisses right then and there or profess to the entire universe how absolutely adorable Grayson is.

He doesn't get to do either of these things because Luke clears his throat and ends the small moment the two boys were having. Ravi glances at his brother, who looks more confused than the day he learned Staten Island is in fact a borough of New York City. It's only then that Ravi realizes he's most likely been staring at Grayson longer than is socially acceptable.

Ravi does his best to compose himself so he can speak without his voice cracking. "Uh, Luke this is Grayson. We've, uh, been working on an Astronomy project together for a while and… yeah. Grayson you know my brother Luke, right?"

Grayson nods, all signs of nervousness and bashfulness gone (as far as Ravi can see) and he takes on his normal persona as a cool, calm and collected jock. "Yeah, I know Luke. Last year we had English and Spanish together, right?"

"Yeah, I remember that." They do that handshake thing guys always do. "Ms. Hernandez made you help everyone and translate for her because you were the only native in the class. You're part of the reason why I passed last year. Why did you even take Spanish if you already speak it?"

Grayson shrugs. "Easy A. Didn't need to do much studying to get good grades since I already understood everything. Plus, I needed as many good grades as I could to stay on the team, and my only other option was Mandarin."

Luke grimaces. "Yikes. Now I don't blame you for taking Spanish. I tried learning Mandarin once and accidently called this girl a crusty toenail. Shits' hard to learn."

Grayson furrows his eyebrows. "How did you even…?"

"No idea, but it was the last time I tried learning a foreign language for fun. Barely pulled a C in Spanish last year so."

"Hey, C's get degree's, don't they?" Grayson chuckles. Ravi laughs too. He watches as Grayson and his brother exchange small talk and is grateful that they already seem to be getting along. He was so worried that they wouldn't like each other (mainly because of how Dana acts around Luke), or that they would be awkward and not say a word to each other. But conversation seems to come easy to the two boys (must be nice to be naturally extroverted), and they seem to not have any issues so far. Ravi releases the breath he didn't realize he was holding.

At some point, they realize the event will be starting soon. They walk inside the already crowded restaurant, showing the "bouncer" their school ID's before entering. The ambiance of the place is pretty much the same as last time. Dimly lit with students talking and laughing and moving from table to table. Waiters and waitresses doing their best to keep up with the orders as they come. Billie Eilish and H.E.R. playing in the background. Fairy lights and candles. Something about the atmosphere is calming to Ravi, like his nerves finally have a chance to relax and just breathe. He can't explain why, but he likes it either way.

In doesn't take long for Ravi to spot Dana and Brenna in their gray Uncensored t-shirts, sitting amongst the sea of teenagers. They're at a different booth from last time. A bigger, semi-circle shaped one. Dana's smile widens (somehow) as she aggressively waves them over. Once they're at the booth she jumps up and gives Ravi a hug, something she's only started doing fairly recently and Ravi is still getting used to.

"Hey, so glad you came again!" She releases him.

"Glad I came too." He returns her smile. "How was the track meet?"

"An easy win." She says as if sprinting around a track field as fast as a horse is no big deal. "We finished the season with a clean sweep, and I have sore calves to prove it. I think it's the best track season Walden has ever seen too."

"And I bet it has absolutely nothing to do with the best Latina sprinter in all of New York City." Grayson appears next to them with all his charm and suave. He has this natural charisma about him that he seems to have in any and all conversations, so unlike Ravi who only recently started talking in full sentences around people outside of his family (once again, it must be nice to be an extrovert).

"Wow, the moon must be red, because the famous Grayson Sinclair has finally graced Uncensored with his presence." Surprisingly, there's nothing malicious behind her words. Only playfulness. So different from how she usually talks to Luke.

"It's actually a waning crescent moon outside Dana. You should know that. You take Astronomy with us." He teases back. Ravi tries his best to keep his reaction to Grayson remembering the moon phases neutral even though his heart soars. Dana on the other hand responds by rolling her eyes. "And I'm very honored that you guys have been so patiently waiting for me to come. Didn't realize how important I was to the poetry community."

Dana snorts. "Oh please. As you can see, we've been doing quite alright without you." She gestures to the room, which is somehow more packed than it was two minutes ago. "Just can't believe that after months of inviting you to no avail, you finally decided to show up so out of the blue."

"Yeah, I can't believe it either." The trio turn to Brenna, who might be smiling but her eyes give Grayson a very suspicious look with her arms crossed. "What finally persuaded you into coming so suddenly?"

Ravi sees Grayson's demeanor falter as his cheeks become a slight shade of pink. Like they have many times in the past. Ravi wonders how many times Grayson has blushed around him only for him to brush it off as nothing. "I mean, Ravi said it's fun and he asked me to come out tonight, so here I am." There's a slight stutter to his voice. Ravi wonders if that's because of the context behind why Ravi asked him to come.

"Yeah, I'm not buying that. Especially since I've been asking you to come to our meetings and open mic nights ever since we started the poetry club and you've never once showed up. How in the world did you manage to convince him to come Ravi?" Brenna directs the question to Ravi without looking away from Grayson.

Ravi shrugs. "I-I honestly just asked…" He gulps nervously. He doesn't know where to look, so he focuses on the potted Ficus tree near their booth. That however doesn't stop him from feeling like everyone is staring at him, and his heart is starting to pound against his chest, telling him to run fast. He takes a deep breath, pushing any ounce of panic to the side. Now is not the time…

"Huh. Just asked? That's really all it took?" Brenna raises an eyebrow at Grayson that says, 'I am so on to you'. Grayson glares at her as his face darkens. They're communicating something with their eyes that nobody else seems to know how to decipher. But Ravi has a small feeling that Brenna knows the exactly context behind why Ravi asked him to come.

Ravi quickly tries to find a way to get the conversation off of him and Grayson. Seeing Luke standing off to the side not know what to do, he blurts out, "S-so you guys remember Luke, right?" He mentally slaps himself. Of course they remember Luke! Brenna saw him yesterday!

Brenna turns to his brother and smiles, and Luke takes on the appearance of a deer caught in headlights. "Hi Luke. Good to see you again. I didn't mean to ignore you or anything. I was just… preoccupied with something else."

"Uhh… i-it's okay. I… it's good to see you too." He gives her that weird smile again. Ravi hopes he didn't act this nervous around Grayson when they first started interacting with each other.

No, he's positive this is exactly how he acted around Grayson when they first started interacting with each other.

Before things can become any weirder than they already are, the group is interrupted by the loud taps of fingers on a mic. "Hello everyone, great to see so many beautiful faces tonight. If you'll all please take your seats because we are about to begin open mic night!" There's a few hoots and some people clap as the President of Uncensored (Billy Tiseo. Ravi believes that's his name) hops off the little stage. Dana, Brenna, Grayson, Ravi, and Luke (in that order) each sit in the booth, the awkwardness from before seeming to have disappeared. Good thing too. He wasn't sure who was closer to combusting due to embarrassment. Him or Luke.

"I think it's the first time we'll be starting this poetry slam at the time we said we'd start it at." Dana says as they look at the menu's in front of them. "Since for once Billy is on time."

"Must be the red moon." Ravi mutters earning a snort from both Grayson and Brenna.

"Ha. Nice one Ravi." Brenna chuckles. "But yeah, I can't believe he was the first one here today. Like seriously, he was here an hour before everyone else. I thought I came to the wrong place when I saw him setting up."

"And he didn't mention why he's suddenly on time?" Ravi asks.

"No! And that's what's weird about it. He didn't acknowledge it at all, as if he hasn't been consistently late for the past year."

"It doesn't matter anyway." Dana dismisses. "All that's important is that for once we have a President to commence the activities, and we don't have to figure out a way to stall everything."

"You know, if he's always late why don't you guys just tell him to get it together or he can't be President anymore?" Luke asks the question Ravi has been wondering since the last poetry slam. It seems logical that if Billy is slacking in his duties then the position should be given to someone else.

Brenna opens her mouth to answer, but Dana is faster than her. "If you think you know what's so good for Uncensored, why don't you become President for us? Show us how easy it is. Better yet, why don't you tell Billy why he can't be President anymore." The malice is back again, but worse than before. Ravi stares at her incredulously, as does Brenna and Grayson. He's not even convinced that Dana's the one that spoke for a second because never has she spoken to someone with so much hostility before. She answered Luke as if his existence is an insult to her.

She answered Luke the same way people used to talk to Ravi. Before he tried to kill himself.

He doesn't like it at all.

"I didn't mean it like that—" Luke starts, looking guilty for something he has no reason to be guilty for. His explanation is interrupted by yet more tapping on the mic. The quintet, and everyone else in the restaurant, turn to the stage where Billy stands once again, his long sandy hair in a man bun this time around.

"Good evening everyone! Welcome to Uncensored's second open mic night for the year." The restaurant erupts with applause at that. He waits for the noise to die down before continuing. "For those of you who have been here before, welcome back. Great to see you again. You look amazing. For those of you who's having your poetry cherry popped for the first time tonight, welcome, we're happy to have you. I'm Billy Tiseo, your favorite President, and it's great to have everyone here tonight." More applause. This guy might as well have won a Grammy for the amount of applause he's getting.

"Tiseo…" Grayson mutters to himself from next to Ravi. "Where do I know that name?" Ravi's certain that the jock isn't ask him so he doesn't bother responding.

Billy goes through the same rules he went over the first time before they can actually start. Once he's done, he helps a tall curly-haired senior carry a keyboard onto the stage.

"Hey everyone." The guy smiles and almost every girl in the restaurant whistles and swoons. He moves his curly hair from his face. "I'm Brandon, and I moved here from San Diego this year so most of you probably don't know me. But I figured the best way to get to know people would be coming to this and introducing myself.

"Anyway, I'm going to perform a song I wrote for a special girl back home in San Diego." This generates a chorus of awes. "It's called 'Love Will Light the Way', and yeah, I hope you guys like it."

Brandon sits behind the piano as the short applause dies down. A hush falls around the room as everyone patiently waits for him to start playing. He takes a deep breath before he starts playing the first chords of the song.

"You speak near and true

But not what I hear from you

For your eyes say it all

And I admit I'm about to fall

Because what we have

There is no controlling this…"

Ravi is so focused on the song that he almost missing the feeling of warm fingers tracing the lines of his cold palm. His breath catches in his throat at the sudden feeling. His pulse drums in his neck as soft fingers gingerly interlock with his own. For a moment, he's only aware of the way Grayson's thumb starts to make small circles on the back of his hand, somehow in tune with the music. He's only aware of the way their hands seem to fit together so well, like two lost puzzle pieces. He's only aware of his breathing, and the glint in Grayson's eyes. A small shimmer in the pools of topaz.

For a moment, he's only aware of him and Grayson, and the fact that this is the first time they've held hands like this.

If this is what it feels like to hold Grayson's hand, he never wants to let go.

"…This love could be great, but they say it would be wrong

I don't care 'cause I'd be lost without you

We live because we love

We love 'cause we belong

Yes, I swear, oh, you'll heal the scars

That never felt a wound

And we'll never need their rules

To guide the way

Love will light the day…"

Brandon finishes the song, repeating the last line a few times. Ravi starts snapping (with the unoccupied hand of course) like Dana told him to do last time, but to his surprise the room erupts in applause as the singer bows and thanks the crowd. Grayson gives Ravi a small smirk before releasing his hand and joining in on the applause. Ravi's hand already feels cold from the lack of contact.

He claps anyway.

As the night continues, student after student bravely take the stage reciting their poetry. Some of the people who spoke during the previous open mic night take the stage again (including the Andi girl). Dana and Brenna explain that most of them are veterans and participate in every event. There are a lot of new faces though, some with noticeable stage fright and others bringing an excess of confidence to the stage. And the more Ravi hears his classmates speak their mind, the more Ravi considers the idea of participating himself. The image of him walking onto the stage keeps showing itself in his head, followed by some less pleasant images of him being yelled at, having a panic attack, and being back to square one.

He'll just let that image stay in the back of his mind for now.

Eventually Billy takes the stage again after a sophomore girl succeeds at speed rapping about why Trans rights are important too. "Alright, let's get another round of applause for Carla!" Everyone starts clapping as if on command. She's the only other person that received claps instead of snaps besides Brandon. "Thank you to everyone who's taken the stage so far. We are going to take a break now to eat and talk, and we will be regrouping again very soon."

Ravi watches as a waiter places Penne a la Vodka in front of him. He waits for everyone at his table to get their meal before he speaks. "Hey, can I talk to you for a minute?" He directs the question to Dana.

Dana looks up from her crepe. She has a look of concern on her face, but smiles. "Sure Ravi." The two slide out of the booth, and they find a relatively empty corner near the bathrooms. "So, what's up? Is everything okay?"

"Why were you being rude to Luke?" Nope, Ravi didn't forget about the way Dana responded to Luke's question earlier. He didn't have a chance to bring it up since the festivities started right away, but he kept it at the back of his mind until now. And nope, he's not going to brush it aside as nothing and just let it go.

Dana scrunches her eyebrows in confusion. "What do you mean?"

"Earlier, when he asked you about picking a different President for the poetry club." Ravi explains. "You answered him with hostility. And for no reason either because Luke was just asking a question. It was… bitchy, for lack of a better word." Dana's eyebrows shoot up into her hairline. Ravi ignores it. "And it made him feel bad when all he was doing was asking a question."

"Did he though?" She mumbles, obviously not wanting Ravi to hear. He heard though. And the unimpressed look he gives her lets her know that. She sighs. "Okay. I'm sorry Ravi. I wasn't intentionally trying to come off as rude. Or bitchy. It just came out wrong."

Ravi doesn't believe that for a second. Dana has been acting cold and unfriendly to Luke ever since they started hanging out. He knows she purposely spoke to him, Luke, like that, but he continues anyway. "And can you please try to get along with him? You're my friend, and he's my brother. The last thing I want is any tension between you guys because you're both important to me."

Dana looks like she wants to argue back. The look in her eyes tells Ravi she has something more to say about the situation, and nothing nice either. She ultimately deflates and gives Ravi an apologetic look. "Alright, I hear you Ravi. I'll try to be nicer to Luke. But if he says one negative thing about Uncensored or anyone a part of it all bets are off."

Ravi snorts. "He won't. I promise. He's gotten a lot better at thinking before he speaks."

"I bet he has." Dana's smile looks strained. But Ravi feels better knowing that she's willing to try and get along with Luke. It doesn't seem fair for her to be so short with him anyway, especially when Luke has been trying to be friendly with everyone nowadays, especially Dana (and now Grayson). Ravi knows that Luke has a past of being kind of an asshole (the word 'kind' being used loosely) but still. He's trying. Doesn't he deserve some benefit of the doubt?

"Now I have some questions for you." Dana smiles. The mischievous glint in her eyes has no good intentions at all.

"Huh?"

"How long have you and Grayson Sinclair been close enough for him to come to open mic night without hesitation?"

Oh.

Ravi should have known that this would be a topic of conversation at some point tonight, what with the awkward scene that happened earlier. He should have known he'd eventually have to come up with an explanation for the situation, especially given the circumstances. He looks at Dana with a panic in his eye, as he argues with himself on whether or not he should talk to Dana about how he feels. On the one hand, he really does want to tell her. Dana has proven herself to be a trustworthy and supportive friend to him, and he thinks that if anyone would be able to understand what he's going through then it would be her.

On the other hand, Ravi is scared. He's never had to talk about his sexuality out loud, and now that he's fully aware of the fact that yes, he does in fact like boys, he's afraid to say it. He's afraid of the consequences that will inevitably come with it. Because despite how far he's come in the past couple of months, and despite how many people he now has in his corner, to everyone else he's still Ravi Ross. He's still the freak Indian kid with a lizard obsession, terrible style, and a weak physique. He's still the faggot that doesn't desire to walk the Earth.

And just like that, a panic attack rolls its way up his spine. His heart feels like it's trying to hammer its way out of his chest, and his lungs start to squeeze air out of him like someone is crushing them. The loud noise of chattering teenagers sounds like a million alarms in his head and everything in him wants him to escape, to get out of this suffocatingly hot restaurant and out into the fresh night air. But he's glued to his spot as he struggles to get air into his lungs.

"Ravi, are you okay?" All the mischievous glee Dana had earlier is replaced with worry. "Hey, listen to me. You're having a panic attack, but you're safe and will be alright. Just breathe with me, okay? Try to match your breathing with mine." Her calm and reassuring words cut through the sound of his drumming heart. She starts taking deep breaths, which Ravi feels is impossible to do, but he follows her lead nonetheless. Eventually his heart slows down, and his breathing becomes even again. Exhaustion replaces the panic he felt, but he wills himself not to collapse right then and there. He's already embarrassed himself enough. If he passes out, he's not going to want to do anything else but go home and hide.

"…sorry…" Ravi murmurs, choosing to stare at his shoes rather than at Dana.

"Ravi you have no reason to apologize." Dana reassures, placing a hand on Ravi's shoulder. "If anything I should be the one apologizing. I guess I overstepped by asking you about it. It wasn't my place and I'm sorry."

Ravi gingerly looks up to meet her eyes. There's no mistaking the sincerity of them. He gives her a small smile. "Thanks. I appreciate that." He takes a deep breath before continuing. "This is actually the first time I've had a panic attack in front of someone so…"

Dana gives him an understanding look. "How many times have you had them, if you don't mind me asking?"

"Pretty much ever since the suicide attempt."

Dana doesn't hide the flinch from Ravi's use of the word 'suicide' too well. "And does anyone else know about them?"

"My parents, my therapist, and Jessie. And they've been a lot better because I learned how to manage them and my therapist has given me ways to cope, but just now…"

"I overwhelmed you, didn't I?" Ravi nods as he purses his lips. "You don't have to answer if you don't want to. I know how hard it can be to accept this about yourself. Trust me, I know what it's like to suddenly find yourself questioning your sexuality." She starts playing with the LGBTQ wristband on her wrist unconsciously. "But you should know that there's nothing wrong with how you're feeling right now, and I'll support you one hundred percent through this."

Ravi's heart warms at her words. He didn't realize how much he actually needed someone to tell him this until now. It makes the thought of potentially being gay much less scary. "Thanks for that. I… really needed to hear that. This whole thing is really new to me, and terrifying to talk about. That's why I panicked…"

"I get it." Dana smiles. "And you're entitled to feel like that. You don't have to say anything else about it, but if need anyone to talk to about it, I'm always here." She squeezes Ravi's shoulder. The embarrassment he felt about the panic attack has gone away because of Dana's supportive words. Having someone like Dana as a friend is probably one of the best things to happen to him in a long time, and not just because he finally has a friend. She's one of the most friendliest, supportive, and judgement free people he knows, and being close to someone like this makes it so much easier to come to terms with who he is as a person. It's like every time she's with him he's less afraid to be himself. He'll always be grateful for that, no matter what happens down the line.

Once Ravi feels composed enough and not like he's going to faint, they go back to their booth. They're not sure how long they were gone, but it was long enough for the seating arrangements to have been switched around. Grayson is now sitting at one end of the booth with Luke and Brenna sitting next to each other. They're both giggling at something Luke said, and Brenna has her body turned towards him with a fond smile on her face (and yes, Luke's face looks like he has a bad sunburn, but he's using his actual words this time, so progress). Grayson glances between the duo and Ravi, a knowing smirk on his lips at the two. Ravi smirks right back and is about to take his seat again when—

"Melvin?" Ravi turns his attention to the figure sitting at the booth that wasn't there before. Melvin Alberts, junior basketball player and known Walden Academy hottie/class clown, sits in the spot Dana was previously in. He's leaning back with his hands behind his head and a relaxed grin on his face, like it's extremely normal for him to be sitting with the group. He eyes Dana and wiggles his eyebrows a couple times. "What the hell are you doing here?"

"You told me this is where you chill at sometimes, remember?" Melvin's reply is far too nonchalant. "Thought I'd come through, see what's good."

"I didn't actually invite you to come Melvin." Dana deadpans. "So that still doesn't answer my question."

"I don't need to invited places sweetie." Once again, the reply is too nonchalant. Too laid back. "I just show up. It's how I roll." He chuckles at the exasperated look she has on her face. He moves over and pats the seat next to him. "Come on. Sit. You know I don't bite."

"Yeah because if you did, I'd probably get Mono. Or rabies." Dana plops down in the seat, picking up her fork and stabbing her crepes.

Nobody else questions Melvin's presence. Ravi glances at Grayson, who shrugs about it. Ravi starts eating his pasta which is surprisingly still warm after his extended talk with Dana. Brenna eyes Melvin and Dana as she eats her French fries. Grayson eyes Brenna and Luke who are both failing to hide flustered blushes. Brenna and Dana eye Grayson and Ravi who have been drawn closer together as if magnetically.

And somehow, there's no more awkwardness. Just pleasant normalcy.

The poetry slam continues after about half an hour of eating, with a seventh grade courageously taking the stage. She barely opens her mouth before bursting into tears at the sight of some many people (who are all older than her) staring at her. Ravi can see himself reacting the same way if he ever found himself on that stage. But to his surprise, his fellow classmates shout out a chorus of encouraging words, and a couple of students hop on stage to comfort her. She takes a minute to compose herself, and everyone claps for her as she slowly calms down. She eventually picks up a ukulele and begins singing a song she wrote herself. She's the third person to receive a round of applause for the night.

Ravi wonders if he'd get the same reaction if he ever took that stage.

About another 30 minutes pass before Grayson leans into Ravi's ear. "You think they'll mind if we head out?" Ravi tears his eyes away from the stage to observe the other occupants at their table. Dana has subconsciously started leaning into Melvin while she watches the current person at the mic. Melvin has his gaze fixed on her, looking at her like she hung the sun itself. Brenna and Luke are sitting very close now, glancing at each other and blushing every few seconds. Both couples seem pretty invested in each other, not at all paying attention to Ravi or Grayson.

Ravi smirks. "No, they wouldn't mind at all." They slowly get up, earning questioning looks from the other four. "We're just going to go for a walk. Text me when this finishes, okay Luke?" he gets a nod from the freckled boy, who is too invested in Brenna to full focus on Ravi. Ravi shakes his head in fond amusement, but exits the restaurant right behind Grayson. He doesn't miss the looks of encouragement he gets from both Brenna and Dana.

"Gotta say, I'm really surprised at how much I liked the open mic night." Grayson says as he and Ravi walk down the streets of Manhattan. "Makes me feel bad for never taking up Brenna on the invitation."

"Why didn't you ever come?" Ravi asks.

Grayson shrugs. "Didn't seem like something I'd be in to. Being a jock, I didn't think I'd fit in too well, which is dumb because anyone can like poetry. But I guess I thought my place was on the court and nowhere else."

Ravi nods. "I understand. If it makes you feel better, I didn't think I belonged at a poetry slam either until I went to the last one. But I can definitely see you fitting in."

"Really?" Grayson's nose scrunches up in confusion. "Why?"

"You're really confident, good with words, everyone stops to listen when you speak. You're used to being the center of attention. Public speaking seems like your playing field."

"Though most of that may be true, I'm nowhere near smart enough to write poetry. I think the best I could do up there is recite Dr. Suess, and even then I'd probably mess it up." He tries to play it off like he's joking, but Ravi can see the insecurity in the way he bashfully looks away.

"Hey, Dr. Suess has some incredibly sophisticated work out there." Ravi jokes, inducing a laugh from Grayson. "But anyone can write poetry. You don't have to be incredibly intelligent to do that. It's really just about writing down something you're feeling, or something on your mind. Besides, you're smart enough to do anything you want to do."

Grayson stays quiet for a moment, thinking about what Ravi said. "Have you ever thought about writing poetry?"

"Yeah, but…" Ravi hesitates, "…I don't really know what to write about. I mean, I know what I could write about, but I've never been able to bring myself to pick up a pen and write it down. Some stuff is still rather difficult to think about, so writing it is just…"

Grayson nods. "I know what you mean." He says softly.

"On top of that, public speaking frightens me." Ravi continues. "You saw how that one girl started crying on stage, right?" Grayson nods again. "That would be me, but I'd be much worse."

They stop at an intersection. "Public speaking isn't for everyone…" Grayson let's that trail off as they wait at the intersection. There isn't that many cars out since the area they are in is a quieter part of Manhattan, more homes than stores and buildings. The chill in the air has dropped a bit since earlier in the night, but both boys are kept warm by their jackets and the proximity between them. They rotate between looking at their shoes, the concrete, and the bare trees, but never at each other. Finally, Grayson speaks up again. "I'm really glad you invited me tonight."

Ravi blushes. "Me too." He tries to deflect his flustered-ness. "I think Dana and Brenna were happier than both of us."

Grayson snorts. "I think they were too distracted to really think about me being there. But yeah. They've been hounding me for months about going. They've even been begging me to come tonight. I really wasn't sure about coming out until you asked me."

Ravi looks at him for the first time with wide eyes. "Seriously?"

"Yeah." Grayson also meets his eyes. "The only reason I decided to come at all was honestly because of you. Otherwise I'd be at home playing video games and listening to my cousins argue over who gets to pick the Netflix movie."

Ravi chuckles. The light finally signals for them to walk, and they cross the street. Ravi wonders why they didn't just cross before since only one car passed by (and being a New Yorker, who waits for the walk signal?), but he doesn't question it. They're too caught up in each other to think about New York mannerisms.

"You talk about your family a lot." Ravi finally says when they reach the next corner.

"I'm just really close to them all. My aunt and uncle have been like parents to me since I was ten, and they've just been really great at accepting me and treating me as their own, y'know? And my little cousins are just the greatest. They're annoying little shits and drive me crazy," Ravi snorts, "but I love them. I can't imagine not being their primo honestly."

"Was it easy?" Ravi's question comes out barely a whisper. "Coming out to them? Wh-what was that like?"

"Not at all." Grayson shakes this head. "Not sure if you've noticed, but I kinda fit the label of a 'jock' or whatever." Ravi chuckles. Who hasn't noticed? "And for a while I thought that there was no way I could be gay. I'm not like the stereotypical flamboyant gay man, I enjoy sports and other masculine activities. So how could I be gay if my personality doesn't fit the label, right? That was my mentality until Brenna told me that playing basketball doesn't automatically mean I'm straight. It just means that I play basketball.

"But coming out is never easy. Especially when—" he pauses, rubbing at the birth mark on his neck. "Especially when so many people aren't really accepting of it. Plus, I was only about thirteen when I decided to come out, so I was scared out of my mind. They really helped me get through it though. They made me feel like I wasn't a freak for feeling differently than everyone. And my cousins were still young at the time so they didn't really understand the difference." Ravi nods. He wants to believe that Morgan, Christina, and Jessie will be the same way about him. Morgan and Christina seem very open minded about the entire subject, and Jessie never fails to express how love is love. And though his siblings rarely speak on the topic, he wants to believe they'll accept him no matter what. But the lingering words he's had to hear over and over again still play in his mind when he things about saying the words "I'm gay".

Plus, he panicked just by Dana asking him about his feelings. He has no doubt he'll act the same way when it comes to him telling his family about his sexuality.

A moment passes before Grayson speaks again. "What about you? Have you come out to your family yet?"

Ravi shakes his head. "Not yet. Not because I think they will react negatively though. I… don't really know what to label myself as yet." His throat feels like it's closing but he clears it. "I only recently figured out I like boys since I've never thought about my sexuality before. And I've had absolutely no experience with anyone, so I don't know whether to call myself gay or something else."

"It's okay if you still haven't figured it out." Grayson gives him a small smile. "There's no rush in figuring out how to label yourself, or if you want to label yourself at all. All that's important is that you're comfortable with who you are."

"I'm glad you said that. It hasn't been easy, being comfortable with myself. But I'm getting there." They turn a corner, another lull in their conversation passing before he speaks again. "When did you realize that you're gay?"

"Mmh," Grayson bites his lip in thought, "I think I was seven or eight. I saw Zac Efron without a shirt on and it dawned on me that most boys don't envision themselves kissing him." He blushes as a chuckle passes his lips. "When did you realize?"

Ravi takes a minute to answer. His heart bangs against his ribcage because of the truth of his answer. He swallows down the nervousness that's forming a lump in his throat because at this point, there's no reason why he shouldn't be completely open with Grayson. They've come this far anyway, so why not be honest with him.

Ravi takes a deep breath. "When I started talking to you…" Ravi doesn't look at Grayson, not wanting to see his reaction. He fidgets with the hem of his jacket as he focuses on his Vans and wills himself not to freak out too badly.

To Ravi's surprise, Grayson stops firmly in his tracks. Ravi stops as well, looking up at the jock questioningly. Grayson has a look of surprise on his face. "Seriously?"

Ravi nods bashfully. "Y-yeah. I never thought anything about anyone until y-you walked into group therapy t-that one time…"

"Wow." Grayson keeps opening and closing his mouth like a fish. His expression is hard to read. "So, you've liked me ever since then I assume?"

"Yeah, more or less."

"Oh." Grayson's expression is still unreadable. Ravi can't tell if he's flattered, freaked out, scared, indifferent or what.

"When, uh, when did you realize you, you know…?" Ravi asks shyly.

"Umm…" Grayson gnaws on his bottom lip (he really shouldn't be allowed to do that), and very gingerly makes eye contact with Ravi. "I, umm… do you remember the day you started Walden Academy?"

"Yes…" He can clearly remember the day he started even though it was five years ago, but he doesn't see how it relates.

Grayson rubs his neck again. "W-well, I was only like, I don't know, eleven or something. So, I didn't dwell on it. Or I tried not to. I don't know since, y'know, I was eleven. And you probably didn't really know me, which makes sense because we're a grade apart and whatever…" Grayson blushes as he rambles. Ravi can hardly get past the cuteness of it. "But, uh, I… I saw you walking somewhere in the halls with a teacher. And you were talking about how excited you were about starting American school. And you were happy and rambling and… I just remember thinking that you were really cute…" he stares straight into the concrete, alternating between playing with the drawstring of his hoodie and his sleeves.

Ravi can only look at him in disbelief. Yes, he knew who Grayson was back then because he was one of the popular kids who everyone knew, and he was a jock at a young age. So he knew of Grayson Sinclair. And he vaguely remembers a fleeting moment in the fifth or sixth grade when Grayson was being his charismatic self and Ravi very quickly thought to himself, Huh, he is unfairly attractive. But never did he think anything past that, nor did he think that Grayson knew he existed because why would he? Ravi wasn't popular, or cool, or charismatic, or a jock. The only reason people knew who he was was because they bullied him.

"So, you… you had a crush on me f-for five years?"

Grayson nods, still staring into the concrete.

"Then, what took you so long to do something about it?" Ravi feels very bold in his question, but a heat is traveling through his body. It's making him more brave than he would normally be and it's causing him to want to be closer to Grayson than he already is.

Grayson shrugs. "I was scared. And I didn't know if you liked guys or not and…"

"So, what changed now? Why did you choose only now to do something about it?"

"Because I almost lost my chance to do something before." Grayson finally looks up, the light from the street lamp they are under making his eyes glow like honey, the gold specks dancing to a song neither of them can hear.

The "Oh" doesn't leave Ravi's lips as he understands. Had Ravi died that day, Grayson would have never gotten the chance to express how he feels. But because Ravi survived, he saw his chance to do something more. And he took it.

"But even then, you still didn't know whether I was straight or not…" Hell, Ravi still doesn't know what he is.

Grayson shrugs again. "I just wanted you in my life in some way, whether it be romantic or not. I figured that even if you didn't feel the same way, being friends with you would be enough." His eyes bore into Ravi's their intensity competing with the day they shared their first kiss. It made the heat in Ravi's spine become hotter. They are only about a foot away from each other, but it isn't enough.

It isn't enough…

"You're wrong." Ravi's mouth moves before his brain. "Because just being friends with you isn't enough." Neither boy breaks eye contact. The pools of topaz call out for Ravi, and Ravi is taken back to early in the week when the two found themselves in a similar situation on his couch. Grayson's eyes stare into him like they have a purpose, like they're determined to know every part of Ravi. The good, the bad, the scared, the dark room, the elastic heart, the panic.

Everything.

Grayson's eyes flicker to Ravi's lips, as does Ravi's. Grayson starts to lean closer with that same tentativeness as last time. But this time around, Ravi leans closer too, because there's no doubt in his mind as to what he wants, and there's nothing holding him back. No fear, no insecurity, no second thoughts.

Their lips meet in the middle, their eyes fluttering shut as they do. Ravi feels his mind empty out, the feeling of Grayson completely consuming him. His warm lips press against Ravi's, seemingly chaste, as if they're asking for permission to get to know him. Permission to indulge in Ravi's every nook and cranny.

Ravi more than willingly grants that permission by deepening the kiss. He lets himself pour the entirety of his heart into the kiss as he cups Grayson's cheeks. Everything he's been hiding since the day Grayson barged into group therapy late, and even before then. Grayson wraps his arms around Ravi's back, drawing him closer and completely becoming putty at the hands of Ravi. Grayson kisses him like it's the only intent he has in the world, like it's the only reason air pumps in and out of his lungs. He kisses Ravi like the stars won't ever appear in the night sky again if he doesn't, like the deity's of the universe have told him it's his mission to do so. He kisses Ravi like it's his dying wish, like he'll never get the chance to do it again, and he desperately needs to get his point across.

After minutes, or hours, or… who cares how long really… they slowly break apart, leaning their foreheads against each other. They smile, their giddy giggles filling each other up like the kiss did. Ravi didn't think he'd every experience anything as good as the first kiss, but here he is proven wrong. His mind is reeling with too many thoughts for him to focus on, because topaz gems have their focus on him and he'd much rather pay attention to that.

Grayson leans down and captures Ravi's lips again, only for a couple seconds this time. "Is this enough?" He whispers into Ravi's lips, all Ravi does is smile, and press his mouth against Grayson's for a third time that night.

It's more than enough…

YES! I've had this entire chapter swimming in my mind for months, and it's finally here. Thank the Lord!

I'm proud of myself for putting this in one chapter and not breaking it into two which I almost did. I was going to stop somewhere during the open mic part, but I just couldn't leave this alone without getting some Ravi and Grayson action. And I'm proud that I wrote this in the amount of time I did so, yay me.

So looks like we're officially entering Ravi/Grayson territory, and everything that comes with it. Plus there shall be splashes of Luke/Brenna and Dana/Melvin here and there. But I finally got my boys together so yay.

We're not done with this just yet. There's still a plethora of roller coaster rides headed your way. So stay tuned because we've only just become.

Until next time my tea drinking snacks.

-Bye Felicia