Author's Note: I do not own Inuyasha or any of the source material for this story. All are owned by Rumiko Takahashi. This fic is labeled MA per standards for eventual violence, sex, and language so be warned.

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Reconciliation

Chapter 6 – Ego Tripping at the Gates of Hell

A month later…

This morning, like so many mornings, he had woken up earlier than his wife. Amber eyes opened to the sun's first rays and he shifted to turn over to his left side and watch her gentle breathing. The warm and demure arm slung over his ribs was comforting and familiar. He stroked the length of her forearm lovingly before gently moving it aside so she could remain asleep. He reached over and stroked her cheek lightly as a smirk turned up the corner of his mouth, sighing at himself for the sentimentality. He lowered his head to her neck and inhaled, taking in her sweet and natural scent. Camelias and fresh rain. It was always strongest in the morning when she had been asleep and before washing. Her scent was mixed with his in their bedding and he enjoyed the remnant scent of their amorous activities the night before.

Gently rolling and lifting himself out of bed, he moved to the central room and started the fire so she would wake up warm and knowing he was nearby. Autumn was nearly here. The leaves were just turning colors and the winds had been buffeting the valley for a few weeks now. Summer crops were being harvested and turned out before the first autumn crops would be planted in a few weeks. Kagome had been so busy gathering herbs and patching up hasty farmers that they hadn't seen much of each other during the day but met up at night to have dinner and catch up.

Shedding his sleeping yukata, Inuyasha armored himself with the red Robe of Fire Rat. It was hardly necessary now for protection but their experiments with regular clothing had ended badly… for the clothes. After several tries, they gave up and determined he was incapable of being careful enough to wear regular yukata, kimono, or hakama without tearing them to shreds or offending the inexperienced and shy eyes of the local young women. He heard Kagome sigh and peeked back into their room to make sure she was still asleep.

Tessaiga wasn't really needed now that most youkai had retreated to the deep forests and high mountains in the absence of any lure toward civilization. The Shikon no Tama shards had drawn youkai to many towns and developing villages like moths to a flame but since it's disappearance, the majority of wild youkai attacks on human settlements had ceased. Very few encounters necessitated the use of Tessaiga and even then, a few deft swings solved the problem. Most power-hungry lords had no interest in a village with no major natural resources, a whispered legend of a cursed jewel, and a resident half-demon guardian. But he dared not leave without Tessaiga. Tucking the sword gingerly and securely in his belt, Inuyasha felt the reassuring presence of the sword surround him before readying to leave.

Clawed hands reached up and combed back through waist-length silver hair to rid it of the worst tangles from sleep. A quick shake from side to side to straighten and he was out the door and halfway across the field, headed for the woods.

She was awake of course, stealing glances as he changed and readied their small house for the day. She kept her awareness to herself. As he shed his sleeping yukata, she awoke and focused her eyes with a few drowsy blinks. He was just wrenching toned shoulders together to remove his arms from the sleeves when she caught sight of him. He was still so boyishly handsome; all high cheekbones, straight nose and impish, fanged grin; but his shoulders were broad and his arms and legs had thickened as he had grown another half a foot at least through the summer. She lustily appreciated his maturing form but if he caught her, he'd fumble through excuses and dismissals until she had lost interest and become frustrated with him. That or he'd stalk back over and make them both late starting their day. The idea was a tempting one…

Since being freed from the sacred tree 5 years ago, his body and demonic youki had developed rapidly. They had discussed at length why it was he seemed to grow so quickly since he was released but neither really knew. He had most definitely been released as a juvenile, appearing around the same age as Kagome, but in the years since, his growth had accelerated and he now appeared more as a man in his mid-20's. Of course, this would have been expected of a human male but for some reason, she had expected to mature much faster than he. It worried her that some other force was at work but they theorized that his youki had grown exponentially as well so maybe his body was catching up after being sealed for so long. Even in the months since they'd been reunited, he had continued to grow almost as if forced.

Kagome rose herself after he had left and started the day. He'd want rice and pickled radish when he returned to go with whatever he'd found first for breakfast that day. She didn't bother to change out of the sleeping yukata she wore and the light blue garment was comfortable and warm enough for the early autumn morning.

She started boiling the water they'd fetched last night for tea and thought about the tasks for the day. Visit Sango and Miroku after breakfast for fun, head to the shrine and train briefly with Kaede, complete any tasks she had for the young pseudo-priestess, then check in with Inuyasha for lunch. From then it was training with Miroku, cleaning around the shrine, home visits to the sick and needy on the way home, and then dinner and bed.

There was a comfortable and easy rhythm to life; and it was a welcome change after so many days and months expecting hard camping, life-threatening battles, emotional turmoil, and personal injury from the Feudal Era. Kagome was happy they'd found a good rhythm together. The past six months following their traditional marriage had been happy ones, she reflected, with very little trouble.

Turning her attention back to breakfast, she smiled contentedly as she poured tea and gathered their dishes to get ready for whenever Inuyasha would arrive back at home.

…

Inuyasha was running through the forest towards the river and away from the village. He could feel the painful swell of youki building in his chest and was pushing his legs to go faster before it was too late.

"Damn it! Not yet!"

He cursed as Tessaiga pulsed, agitated, at his hip and one final leap clear of the tree line brought him to the river's edge where he skidded to a stop. He took a deep breath. It smelled so much like her here at the water's edge that it gave him comfort even knowing what was about to happen. He stepped into the water slowly, feeling the youki within him clawing to get out. He moved slowly between a few large cracked and splintered boulders, claws twitching and sweat already building on his forehead. These large river rocks had already seen some damage. Large chunks of rock lay fractured in the river bed already and what was left of the three huge boulders was doomed in the next few minutes. When he had waded out waist-deep, he looked up at the sky with saddened eyes and whined as the first shudders of the change overtook him.

"Fuck, not again… Gods, not again…" he panted once more before clenching his teeth together, bracing for what was coming.

An ethereal breeze lifted his hair and buffeted his clothes as the river water began to boil at his feet. The growl started low in his chest and quickly rose as a snarl, ripping out from between lengthening fangs before he could stop it. His head snapped down to his chest as one clawed hand gripped his haori over his heart, his last futile effort to stop the change from taking him again.

The youki suddenly exploded from within him, sending a shockwave through the immediate forest. It quickly rose to surround him and became a tornado of crackling, red youki and misted river water all around his hunched, snarling form. Tessaiga pulsed rapidly, trying to dampen the violent, raw energy around him and drive it back to its owner. He dug his feet into the river bed to stop himself from moving from his river sanctuary. His instincts were screaming at him to leave and find a worthy kill to prove his strength.

"NO! I won't do it!" he yelled at no one.

Inuyasha flexed his lengthened claws and began to cleave the rocks around him in an effort to satisfy the instinctual urge to maim something. As one of the boulders nearby was torn apart, he threw his head back and yelled his frustration at the beautiful morning through the thick mist and raging youki.

Sweat poured from his face and chest with the effort to remain rooted in the river. Straining muscles tensed, swelled painfully, and relaxed over and over. His heart felt as if it was torn in two. Searing, unyielding pressure in his chest continued to build until he vomited bile and the blood he'd swallowed from his raw and ragged throat. His back arched and popped with sickening grating sounds as muscles flexed along his spine and he contorted to try to stave off the pain of the transformation.

Between the spasms of unnatural growth, he continued to tear into the boulders to release some of the immense energy he housed but it was never enough. Once the rocks were crumbled and lay scattered in jagged spikes beneath the river, he tore into the exposed bedrock beneath him, creating a trench of steaming river water and glowing embers from the force of his claws on the stubborn earth. This alternation of violence and spasms continued until the energy was siphoned off by his efforts and bit by bit, the spasms became less violent and he could start to recognize the world around him outside of the sphere of youki.

Finally, one last pained growl escaped him before he closed crimson eyes and the jagged violet facial markings began to shrink back under his skin. Energy still surged weakly through his body, crackling here and there across his skin as it was forced into submission by Tessaiga's efforts. His body finally shifted and settled back to its normal shape.

Inuyasha didn't know how long this one had lasted but when he finally came back to himself, the sun was higher in the sky and the forest was no longer visible through the mist-covered river. Steam rose from his shoulders and the river water rushed back in around his feet as the youki dissipated and what little remained slithered back into his body.

Inuyasha stood there shaking and panting as he waited for the sensation to pass and his natural strength to return. He rolled his shoulders back and looked down as he flexed both still-shaking hands, testing their strength.

'What the hell is happening to me?'

He crouched in the river to cool his scorching skin and splashed some water on his face before trudging back to the river bank. As he laid down heavily on the grass nearby, his breath slowed and came back to normal. Tessaiga ceased thrumming at his side and the world went back to the way it was, uncaring about his agony and the magnitude of what had just happened.

At least twice a month since Kagome had returned, he was forced to escape the village and hide away as his youki ran wild and overtook him. This was the fifth time this month. And it was getting worse. Something was wrong. But who could he ask for help? Kagome's knowledge of youkai was extensive now with Sango and Miroku's tutelage but no one knew much about hanyou. And hanyou that had made it to his age were even more rare making any attempt to gather information nearly useless. There was the old idea of asking Sesshoumaru but he was reluctant to talk to his half-brother about anything, never mind detailed personal information and a lengthy discussion about his parentage. That was sure to end in blood and cleaved earth. The future Sesshoumaru had offered but was Inuyasha ready for whatever solution present-day Sesshoumaru might provide?

'Bastard will just kill me and be done with it. Never mind what future Sesshoumaru thinks… Gah, this is confusing.'

He shook himself dry at the river's edge and checked Tessaiga again. The sword felt lighter now than it had a few years ago but it was pulsing at his side more and more every day. He guessed it was working harder to maintain the barrier on his youki but how long would the energy hold out? Questions for another day. Right now, he had a wife expecting him home with breakfast and that made him smile. At least for today, he would go back and be a dutiful husband. Now what unfortunate animal would be breakfast and lunch today?

…

Next week and two more youki episodes later, Inuyasha felt his hand was forced.

"I have to go, Kagome. I don't want to either but I've got to talk to the bastard about something." Inuyasha nearly pleaded with her.

"But about what? Are you ok? Please tell me what's going on. You've been coming home with cuts and bruises and you're exhausted all the time. I want to help but you won't help me help you!" She was bustling around the house getting dinner ready and he was following after her, hands out, trying to talk her down.

"I don't wanna worry you yet. Not until I know what it means. I'm fine though, really. It's just a… demon thing. And Sesshoumaru is a bastard in this time but he's the only inuyoukai I know so maybe he can help." Inuyasha laid one head on the back of his head and tried to look sorry about needing to leave her alone.

She stopped her fussing then and stood to face him. Kagome brushed her hands off on her apron and took both of his hands in her own as she turned glittering sapphire eyes up to beg him. Her worry was visible there. Her fear. Her love.

"I'm already worried, you idiot! So just tell me. Please?" Ocean eyes pleaded up at him. Her defiance was there, too. White hot and ready to keep pushing until she got what she wanted. "I love you and I want to help."

There it was.

He sat down and pulled her down with him. They ate while he confessed. It took the better half of the evening for him to explain what had been happening. He relayed that it had begun after she returned and he had never experienced youki to that magnitude before. He was convinced that the sudden swell in his demonic energy had caused his growth to accelerate and his strength to increase. He paced as he talked and his ears flattened over and over in shame for keeping this from his wife. Inuyasha laid the history of his affliction out for her and when he was done, he was scared. Scared she'd tell him off. Scared she'd reject what he was becoming. Scared she would fear him. He set down their dishes next to the fire.

"So… what do you think? Sesshoumaru cornered me when we went to visit your family and told me to find him and guilt him into helping me. Or his past self, I guess. So that's what I gotta do. I can't keep hiding from this anymore. It's getting worse. I'm going to lose control and hurt something or someone." He took her hands again. "And if that someone was you… again, I'd never forgive myself."

"Can't I go with you? Sesshoumaru in this time won't help you, he's just as likely to attack you again. If I'm there with you, maybe he won't-"

"No."

"But Inuyasha, I'm your wife-"

"No!"

"Damn it! You need me, you stubborn ass! Why do you have to do this alone?"

"What do you think will happen if we're alone in the woods and my youki goes nuts again?! Or worse, we find the ice prick and then he decides to kill us both?! You're safer here, woman! Can't you see that?"

"I'll be fine, Inuyasha. I can't let you do this alone. I love you. I can't let you go alone." Her eyes were shining now, full of tears for the choice he wouldn't let her make.

She was pleading again. He was cracking. Inuyasha hated himself for hurting her this way but- He hardened his face and crossed the room to be away from her.

"And what happens to Shippou if you're wrong?"

His eyes were cut into narrowed, gold blades as he figuratively threw her adopted son like a sacrifice at her feet. He stared over his left shoulder at her with his mouth set firmly, fists at his sides, glaring at her for all the world.

"What happens to the runt if I go nuts and you're there and can't stop me? Or worse, you're there and Sesshoumaru murders us both anyway? You wanna leave the kid alone again?"

"Don't you dare use him against me, Inuyasha. You don't get to do that to me. You care about him just as much as I do. He won't be alone because we'll fix this together and come back."

Inuyasha lost his ire at her open and honest belief they could do this together. He wanted so badly to believe she was right. He sighed and slumped, suddenly exhausted from the months of worry and fear of bearing his affliction alone.

"This isn't an enemy, Kagome. We aren't running off to defeat some rogue youkai. This is me… and I have no idea what will happen." His voice actually broke then. His shoulders shook in defeat and he went silent.

Kagome ran across the room, rage forgotten, and held him close. She reached up and cupped the back of his head and wound the other arm around his back. She talked to him about their life after this was over. Her shoulder grew damp as his head stayed buried in her neck. Clawed hands held her close and his arms became a cage she couldn't escape. His wife talked to him about spring and Shippou and journeys back to see her family. About watching Sango and Miroku's children grow up. About taking a trip somewhere alone together. And she told him she loved him. Over and over. He held on to her and let her try to talk this away.

Inuyasha was holding her later in their bed, too. Their bodies warm and slick together. Breathless cries and panting moans echoed off the walls in the home they built together. Reassurance and love and tangled limbs all wound together in the late night and into the early morning. She was wound around him in love and acceptance. He was saying goodbye.

At the sound of her deep and even breathing, he opened amber eyes in the darkness and unwound his limbs from his wife. He had made sure to expend as much of her energy as he could as they made love. If he was honest, their love making was mostly for him. A memory to take with him. Fear gripped him again as he turned his back to her and he glanced back over his shoulder the raven-haired beauty he was leaving. If he just stayed, maybe-

'No. I have to figure out what the hell is happening.' He looked down at deadly claws and clenched his fists. 'I could kill everyone that means anything to me here.'

He packed a few days' worth of food, armored himself, grabbed Tessaiga, and stole away in the early morning, headed West.

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