Author's Note: I do not own Inuyasha or any of the source material for this story. All are owned by Rumiko Takahashi. This fic is labeled MA per standards for eventual violence, sex, and language so be warned.
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Reconciliation
Chapter 26 – The Separation: Year 1: Spring: Part II
Later that night, at the Higurashi household…
Dinner was quiet.
Kagome told her mother that Mikazuki-san was coming to finish the discussion they had begun during the last trip. Mariko tried to ask for more information but Kagome stayed politely quiet and volunteered to clean up after dinner. Shippou insisted on helping, watching his mother's moods shift between scrubbing every dish. Anticipation, nervousness, anger, and a sadness that caused her a few deep breaths. She didn't know how to feel.
Shippou learned his lesson after asking for the third time in twenty minutes if she was okay. Kagome pouted and pointed the dish sprayer right at his face, soaking him from nose to toes. Green eyes gaped at her and his mouth hung open as his shirt had dripped a small puddle onto the floor when Mariko came from the laundry room, looking at the stack in her hands, and asking about washing anyone's clothes.
"Gah! Okay fine! I'm done asking! Grandma," he whined, "can I have some dry clothes?"
"Sure, honey. They're in the closet upst- What in the world happened to you? Pfft!"
Mariko doubled over laughing at the dripping wet young man with a sour look on his face and Kagome joined in, nearly falling over with happy tears in her eyes.
"Thanks, you two. Really mature." Shippou gruffed, walking heavily up the stairs. "Females…"
"Wow. I needed that." Kagome chuckled, wiping a stray happy tear away.
The two women laughed again for a moment and then settled back into finishing the kitchen. When everything was wiped and put away, Kagome hugged her mother and thanked her for a wonderful dinner. Shippou trotted back down in a flannel and new, drier jeans.
"I'm gonna go shower and then I'll be back down." Kagome told them both, patting her son's shoulder as she walked by.
"Let me know if you need anything, honey." Mariko called after her, then she turned to Shippou as he rounded the corner into the living room to wait. "Is she all right?"
"No, this is gonna be hard for her but they need to talk."
"Can you fill in any blanks for me? This seems so odd and she seems so upset by it."
"Not really, Grandma, sorry. She'll fill you in sometime, or else you'll hear them shouting about it outside." The kit swiped a clawed hand over his face, anticipating the long night to come.
"I have more questions than answers now, Shippou dear."
"So does she," he shrugged, "but that's partly why he's coming."
"Hmm."
"Excuse me a minute."
Shippou stepped outside in the dark and pulled out a phone, dialing Sesshoumaru's number.
"Hey."
"Is she still agreeable to meeting tonight?"
Shippou bit his lip and refused to let himself comment on the haste of Sesshoumaru's question.
"Yes. She's getting ready now. Be gentle. Something's not right. I don't know if she's in denial or she's trying to put on a brave face but just… be gentle."
"She is a long way from recovered. Perhaps this is too soon."
"No, you need to see her. I get it. And she might be weird and pissed, but it'll help her to see you, too. I'm sure of it. We need to start explaining this to her so she knows it was- well, not worth it, that sounds callous- but so she knows he didn't die in vain."
"He might have if this does not work."
"Maybe but we should try."
"I am on my way then."
"Drive safe. They caught me in the parking deck last time and then again at the last turn before the mountain road."
"Hm. Stay vigilant."
"You, too."
Shippou hung up and pocketed the phone, scented the air for danger and scanned the forest's edge, then watched a wisp of cloud pass in front of the waning moon before heading back inside.
…
Sesshoumaru took the glass elevator down from his loft apartment, holding a palm-sized wooden box in one hand. The corners of the box were rounded and worn, scratches gouged here and there on its otherwise polished surface, and an ancient sutra covered the lid where his fingers drummed lightly in impatience and anticipation.
Intense, disguised, brown eyes watched the busy street below impassively as he descended. Reaching the pavement, the elevator continued to drop and sunk through to the parking deck below. Layers of human-made stone and steel and wires and chemical smells.
The daiyoukai was long past his disgust over the humans' invasion and perversion of nature in favor of the massive concrete congregations they had created. The view was still grim. Gray streets lined with gray buildings that occasionally made way for a small patch of green that was still polluted by the fetid air and human garbage. He was grateful for the glamour muting his senses here in the city.
'Our return to the West cannot come soon enough.' And his hand clutched the wooden box more tightly.
Walking slowly over to his own car, Sesshoumaru heard the faint scratching of claws in the concrete beams above, even with his human ears, but did not react.
'They are growing bold in their desperation. Fools.'
Without turning around, Sesshoumaru unlocked the black, full-size, luxury sedan and quietly set down the small wooden box, peeling the sutra free and tucking the contents into the pocket of his slacks. Closing the door, the intruder dropped from the ceiling with a grunt and his boots landed heavily on the concrete below. The oni hanyou's skin was a vibrant red, he was taller than a normal man, and bulging with muscle. He cracked his neck and the inu saw small, twisted horns through the boy's unkempt, pale blond hair.
"You are grown careless, Sesshoumaru of the West."
"Am I?" he asked, curious.
"It is your love of the humans that sees you brought so low… Reduced to disguising yourself to live among them." The attacker didn't hide his disgust and sneered.
"My choice of company is no business of yours, hanyou. Return to whatever cave you crawled from. Do not die for a cause that is not your own."
"My choice to end the life of the ruined Lord of the West is my own. She tells me you cannot even lift a sword..." he drawled tauntingly.
Brown eyes narrowed and flashed gold when the ancient power of his youki stirred at the challenge. "I do not need one to kill you. Leave now. Even your life is not as worthless to This One as it is to her. She manipulates you, oni, and you would die to see her goals fulfilled?"
"Pretty words from a haughty has-been in a human skin." The youth growled and widened his stance. "Prepare to die, Sesshoumaru!"
"It is you who should prepare, hanyou, if you persist."
Sesshoumaru clenched his fists and steeled his mind, walking into the open space of the parking deck and dropping the glamour. His nose awoke first to the flood of chemicals, rubber, humans, and stale air and he growled. Citrine eyes dilated against the harsh fluorescent lighting. When his senses were adjusted, he sniffed for nearby humans and finding none close enough to be a nuisance, he was satisfied there would be no surprise voyeurs to the fight that was certain to be short and disappointing. Sesshoumaru focused instead on the oni pulling a large steel-ringed club from a strap at his back.
"And you will not give up this foolishness?" Sesshoumaru tried again.
"You coward!" the hanyou spat. "Give up hiding and face her if you value the lives of others over your own!"
"Her madness is complete. When my name no longer falls from her lips, it will only be replaced with another. Bloodlust in youkai is vicious and unrelenting. You must know at least that much."
"She wants us to live! Openly! You hide in the shadows and wait for… what? An invitation to exist?"
"And yet she sends you to die. Our time is passed. Now is the age of humans. Adaptation is not defeat. What she seeks is impossible."
He'd tried this speech so many times over the years. Sesshoumaru sounded bored and monotonous even to himself, and it had yet to work, but doubt crept into the yellowed eyes of the oni hanyou before him and Sesshoumaru pressed further.
"Find others of your kind. Carve out a new life and savor their company, their memories. Learn from your elders, if they remain. There is much life to be gained in joining the new way of things if you find kin to share it with. Hers is not the only way. Life is not so absolute even for us."
His heart clenched as piercing, pleading blue eyes flashed through his mind. She had tried to tell him. Tried to give him the pack he had wanted in the only way she could. She had warned him about the dangers of denying himself. He had not listened. He was a hypocrite to give the same advice now to another.
"There is- There is nowhere left the humans have not touched. There is no place left in this world for us."
"There could be. I seek to change our place in the present. To make a fortress of safety. Your Lady seeks to stop us out of fear and pride. Who is truly in the wrong?"
"I cannot go back defeated." the youth lamented.
"Do not go back." Sesshoumaru said flatly. "Go. Be free."
The burly, young, half-youkai thought for a moment then refastened his weapon with skeptical, narrowed eyes.
"No tricks, Sesshoumaru? I leave and you let me go?"
"Leave and your life is your own. I care not."
"Why?" came the suspicious question.
"Too many have died. We are killing ourselves now, just as in the past. Soon, our knowledge and legacy will be lost if we do not change. Share this message with others who think as you now do. That is my only request."
A long moment passed and they considered each other. The oni relaxed his stance and shifted his weight onto one foot.
"Perhaps, we were wrong about you, Lord of the West."
"Go."
And the boy did. Loping off across the concrete, Sesshoumaru watched as the oni hanyou concealed himself, pale hair turning black and red skin changing to a dark brown, hitting the street and looking back for only a moment before disappearing into the foot traffic outside.
The daiyoukai exhaled. He did not need another death on his hands. Not just before meeting the one person who could change the need for it.
Sesshoumaru reached into his pocket and fingered the cool metal there while walking back to his car. Sitting in it, he closed the door and took out the necklace to hold it in the palm of a hand. The teardrop of silver framed a large amber stone of the same shape, and felt unnaturally warm. Light pulsed and swam within and his hand grew warmer beneath it.
"What would you say to me now, I wonder? That I have done the right thing? Will you agree when I meet you tonight? Or will you throw your rage and anguish at me to heal your own wounds?" He sighed, alone in his car. "If you must, I will allow it but let this be the last time."
The necklace did not answer but remained silent, reflecting the bright lights of the parking deck. He felt foolish. The jewel was all that was left of her now but it was better than speaking aloud to her memory. He replaced the necklace into its box, sealed the lid once again, and laid it reverently on the dark leather seat beside him.
The large black car purred to life, wove through the garage, and drove smoothly through the brightly lit city streets. There was light traffic for the Friday evening and he was grateful. Stopping at a stoplight, he watched a young couple walk arm in arm across the street. The girl laughed easily and a little too loudly, and the boy almost tripped watching her mouth with eager and wanting eyes. The daiyoukai scoffed.
'Ingenuine, base attraction. A shallow attachment. The usual human way.'
When the light changed, Sesshoumaru sped forward, revving the engine and barely missing the young man just stepping off the street. His grip on the gear shift tightened and his speed increased down the long straight road heading further from the city center. The lights from the street lamps traced his body as he sped down the harshly lit highway.
He was a hypocrite. He had allowed her only that same shallow attachment in place of the deeper bond she had craved. Kept her at arm's length for his own comfort and selfish needs, despite the protests of his most trusted advisors and friends. Even when she refused her would-be consorts in favor of remaining faithful, he had left her frequently without his company, he thought, to protect them both. She had borne it all and filled the void his absence created with new purpose of her own invention.
When the unimaginable happened, the inudaiyoukai realized it all too late. When the battle was finished, there was nothing to be done. She was gone. Kagome had become the bond holding much more than just the West together. The spiral downward for him and the faithful in the West had been slow but unavoidable after her death. His first irreversible and major tactical error: failing to see that she had loved him and all that his family had built, unconditionally and regardless of their differences; and provided the means to save their kind from extinction, all while he ignored and refused her. The truth of it had broken him.
If he was doomed to always see reality too late, this second chance to fix things might be his last gift from Fate to make everything right. Many fates could be changed if she would allow it. First, Sesshoumaru had to make it through tonight.
Almost missing the street, so lost in his thoughts, Sesshoumaru whipped the car into an available street side parking spot and killed the engine. Taking a deep breath, he lifted the small box from the passenger side and opened the door. Taking in the dirty and worn cement stairs leading up to the house, he replaced them in his mind's eye with the dirt-packed wooden planks and grassy hillside of ancient Edo. She had loved the natural beauty of it all. As time passed and the modern era began to take over, he began to see why she had preferred nature over this. Like so many other things about her, it had taken him too long to understand.
He began the slow climb up the stairs with measured breaths and when the first, fresh traces of her scent drifted down the hill, he growled at the memories of her that came flooding back and stopped, bracing himself against the emotions he'd tried so hard to lock away.
Laughing with the children in the courtyard gardens that first Spring after their Mating, her happiness in full bloom like the flowers…
Visiting the elder miko's grave when she passed that following Winter and Kagome's sadness overwhelming her scent once again…
The raw anger his Mate had thrown at him upon discovering the true purpose for his altered schedule: monthly patrols over his historically quarterly outings…
She really was here. His Kagome. The dewy rain and floral scent of camelias was tainted with the burnt wood of her sadness. That scent never left her completely after Inuyasha's death. It was a part of her now that had been missing when they met here over six months ago. Her pain was still raw, powerful, but in time it would mellow and meld with her natural scent to create something new. The Kagome he was much more familiar with.
Finally, the right version of the woman he'd cursed, raged, and bled for. The version of Kagome that could understand what needed to be done to save them both from misery. She had to listen and agree. He'd earned that much from his penance in the slow centuries that followed her death.
Reaching the top of the stairs, he took in the other scents around, checking for danger and trying to learn what he could from the yard before confronting her. She had walked here and there during the day. She had talked with Shippou at length, been happy and angry and sad. Sesshoumaru pulled out his phone and typed a quick message to the fox letting him know he was outside and whatever happened next, not to interfere.
'If you're still sure.' came the reply.
And the inu walked forward to finally start the journey to a new future for them all.
…
Inside the house, Shippou was twitchy and pacing the living room, back in his washed and dried t-shirt and jeans. Kagome was upstairs, finishing a bath and getting dressed. When the whine of a hairdryer stopped, his eyes locked with the top of the stairs. She was not smiling as she descended but neither was she angry or upset. And when his mother reached the bottom, his voice cracked trying to tell her Sesshoumaru was here.
"He's- ahem- he's here, Kagome."
"Oh. Okay then." she said flatly.
A knock sounded at the door and Shippou jumped.
"Are you okay? Do you want me to stay or leave you two alone?" he said quickly.
"You can stay. I'll get the door."
Shippou caught the total absence of her scent just a second too late as she sped past him, turned on the outside light, and opened the door. Kagome only blocked her aura and her scent when she was scared of being found out.
"Oh no…" he whispered. "Momma, wait a second. Can we talk-" but the door was open. Too late. "Never mind then."
Sesshoumaru could hear the sing-song quality of her voice through the wood and mentally prepared his explanation again as a porch light blinded him and Kagome began to swing the door open, her cerulean eyes looking for his.
For just one second too long, the scent and sound of her even through the door stilled him so completely that he was unaware Kagome was fully standing before him, door flung wide open, waiting for the inu to open his eyes and see the anger and hurt on her face.
"Seriously?" she said bitingly, the scent of her anger rising. "So disgusted with having to come clean up your mess that you'd just stand there and ignore me?"
"Kagome, I understand how-"
And she slapped him.
Hard.
Sesshoumaru could smell the building scent of salt from her unshed tears even with his head snapped to the side.
"That's for not telling me the whole truth when you had the chance." she ground out, her voice growing thick.
"Oh shit…" Shippou gaped.
"What is going on out here?" Mariko asked, joining Shippou a few feet from the door.
Sesshoumaru only blinked and brought his own hand up to rest on the cheek that was still stinging from the force of her hit. He had never been so caught off guard. Then, in an instant, the stinging feeling of her reiki sizzled across his skin and his golden eyes snapped up to hers a second too late.
"And this is for Inuyasha, you selfish bastard!"
The energy built in a shockwave from her toes and no one had time to react as she flung her rage at him as a blade of ice blue reiki. Sesshoumaru was blown back from the doorway, halfway across the yard before turning over in midair and clawing the ground to maintain his crouch as he slid on the gravel. Dust, dirt, and rock flew everywhere and for a moment, the sight of her was lost to him.
"Kagome Higurashi! Have you lost your senses? What on earth-" her mother gasped.
"Don't worry, Momma. He's lied to you, too." she growled at the cloud of dust, not turning back around. "Reiki only works on demons. Isn't that right, Sesshoumaru?" she yelled from the doorway to the house.
"Momma, wait!" "Kagome, stop this right now!"
"Leave me alone!" she yelled back at both of them through a haze of unshed tears. "This is between me and him!"
Kagome started across the yard and faced him down, barefoot and seething. She had been prepared to talk to him. She had been prepared to cry and yell. But when she opened the door to see him stand there with his goddamn eyes closed, ignoring her completely after being so adamant about meeting with her, after everything that had happened, something in Kagome snapped. The hurt and betrayal that had come from her first visit back, that pain she had stuffed down deep in her heart for this Sesshoumaru and his deception, came pouring out and she would make him understand the hell he had sentenced them to.
Shippou and her mother both stopped a step out of the door, and looked at each other. Mariko pointed at Kagome.
"Go get her! I don't know what's going on but this isn't my Kagome!"
Shippou frowned and quietly explained.
"It is, actually. He guessed it would go like this, Grandma, but he knows what he's doing. He won't hurt her. She's the only one in the entire world that could ever get away with it, but he won't hurt her. Now, she might hurt him but it won't be too bad… I think."
Shippou shivered and watched the exchange. His heart began to break for Kagome all over again. He could stop her if it got out of hand. Sesshoumaru had warned him she might lose control of herself. He also warned Shippou to let her.
"But I'm confused." Mariko puzzled, pointing at Sesshoumaru. "That's Shouta Mikazuki, our patron. He has nothing to do with Kagome. They spoke for the first time during her last visit, didn't they?"
"No," he shook his head sadly, "sorry, but that's actually Sesshoumaru, ex-Lord of the West, Inuyasha's older brother, and Kagome's Mate. Well, future Mate. Her future, our past. Gah! They're not Mated yet but they will be, and that's the best I can do right now."
Mariko listened but she couldn't put it all together. Why hadn't Kagome told her any of this? What was a Mate? And why did Mikazuki suddenly have white hair and yellow eyes?
Sesshoumaru rose from the dirt, brushing the worst off as she approached then letting his arms hang loosely by his sides. Kagome stopped several feet away and fisted her hands. He watched as her ocean eyes turned harsh and angry. Her aura crackled weakly but threateningly around her and he swallowed the reprimanding growl building in his throat, knowing it was reflex and not how he truly felt. He would not reprimand his Mate for her outburst. She wasn't truly his. Kagome needed this and he would let her have it.
"I get it now." Her voice was low and watery but she didn't hide her pain and stared right into back into his ageless, golden eyes. "When- when he called you a bastard. You really are, you know? Urgh!" Kagome angrily scrubbed the tears from her eyes with one heavy swipe of her ivory sweater, cursing her inability to hold them in. "You- You sat there, in my mother's kitchen with my whole family, and let us- let us believe that things were okay! That we could be happily married for the rest of our lives! The whole time, knowing what was going to happen!"
A sob broke through her tirade and she hid her face from him with both hands.
He nearly broke, nearly lost the battle to keep his distance, watching her throw her sorrow and rage at him. She looked so small and so broken, covering her face with her hands. Her wavy, dark hair danced in a weak breeze and it fluttered across her face and around her shoulders. Her thin body was shaking with fresh grief and the cool evening air but still, she locked her fists at her sides again, stood there, and berated him.
"You should have warned us! You should have warned him! When Ren described what his transformations were like, I almost threw up. Do you have any idea how scared and lost he was? Do you understand how desperate he had to be to come to you, the only brother, the only family, he had left?"
Tears were running down her flushed face and dripping from her chin. The scent of her sorrow and anger filled his nose and burned in its intensity.
"It was a joke to you, wasn't it? His pain. Or did you get some perverse pleasure out of knowing he'd die a horrible death at your hand? What the fuck went through that ancient brain of yours when you looked right at your own brother for hours and said nothing?! Damn you, Sesshoumaru! He didn't deserve to die like that! He didn't deserve the pain you brought him. You didn't deserve his forgiveness!"
Sesshoumaru swallowed thickly, clearing the guilt and bile from his throat. She had laid out his sins perfectly.
"I did not." came his quiet, defeated reply.
"What?" she snapped.
"I did not deserve his forgiveness, his pardon, or the mantle of 'brother' but he gave it to me nonetheless."
"Why? Why would he do such a thing? You were nothing to him! You hated him!"
"He knew differently in the end because I told him the truth. I told him of my jealousy over his life, his accomplishments, and his freedom. His strong will to overcome the trials thrust upon him by his very existence. His commitment to you and your happiness, even if it robbed you both of his final weeks."
He had meant the truth to soothe her but instead, he scented her anger double in intensity.
"He wasted them looking for you! And what did you do?! You pawned him off on someone he'd never met and left him there alone after he told you he was dying! Don't pretend you cared anything for him until the moment he fell in the middle of that field, dying in agony because of you."
In this, she was wrong. Sesshoumaru's voice grew louder in his frustration.
"He did not know of my intentions to reconcile but I suspect now that you do. I anticipated many years ahead to rectify our relationship. I did not realize his affliction was a possibility until it was too late and you know that as well as I."
"And when you found out he was doomed, what did you do? Make some weak effort to solve the problem and then watch from the sidelines as he massacred half the countryside so you had an ironclad need to murder him. Really brave, Sesshoumaru."
"Oh no. She shouldn't have said that." Shippou said, placing his hands over his grandmother's ears.
The raging roar that echoed from the forest to the house scared them all into jumping.
"Naïve, foolish human!"
She gasped when Sesshoumaru's eyes bled red and glowed in the fading light, his fangs lengthened and, for a moment, his face stretched into a nightmare with a predatory glare and bold, indigo markings. He was surrounded in a wind of pale green youki and hunched over with the effort of controlling his anger. Finally, it shrunk back but he stayed hunched and growling, ignoring her, breathing heavily and shaking with the intensity of swallowing his rage.
'She does not understand. She does not yet know… She is yours to protect.' he reminded himself.
"It had to be done and I would rather claim his life than allow an executioner he did not know. He understood and so should you. Hear this one last time, Kagome: never again use his death as a tool to goad me into anger. Never again!" He smelled her tears and the sour vinegar of her fear and felt remorse but Inuyasha's death, he would not feel guilt for again. "Have you any idea what it feels like to murder your own blood? I dare you to lay a hand to your own mother, or your young brother, then tell me how little it rends your soul! You will misunderstand many things about me, Kagome, but never that! The nightmares of-"
He snarled again, cutting himself off, and began pacing back and forth before facing her again.
"I will never be rid of the feeling of his heart- his life- in my hand. Never be free of knowing I killed one of the last of us left alive and the only other offspring of my father to ever live. These hands! He did not deserve his death, true, but it was a necessary tragedy and I stand by it. I bear the burden of that alone, I saw to it you had no claim to blame yourself, and I now will never be free of it!"
There was growling coming from one side of the yard and gasping sobs from the other. Shippou listened to them both and his heart twisted for the parents he knew were so much alike, wanted the same things in life for themselves and their pack, if only they could see past their mutual need to grieve and lean on each other instead of… this.
"Good." Kagome glared back at him.
"No, Kagome." He shook his head and stared down his nose at her. "It will not be so easy. There is much more to say."
"I agree. Let me start: I think you didn't tell us last time because you have some twisted plan to make sure he was out of the way so you could use me, marry me, for your own selfish reasons!"
"Marry her?" Mariko gaped at Shippou.
"Yeah… I'll explain that one later. That's essentially what Mating is, though, and she's wrong."
"Miko, you push too far…" Sesshoumaru growled.
"I haven't begun. You wanted a human nursemaid for Rin," Kagome ticked off her fingers to exemplify, "to shut the North up, shut the Council up, and to piss your mother off. Katsurou's demand did all of those for you at once. And like the idiot and sucker I am, I agreed. Now we're both stuck. Apparently," she threw her hands up in exasperation, "something really shitty has happened sometime between then and now, and you're here to do damage control. Well, you know what? I don't give a damn what you need or want! I have enough to deal with. Now, leave me alone. You came. You saw me. We're done."
"There is much more to say. You may remain angry at me if you wish but that does not change what must happen next. Our lives are not the only ones at stake!" he barked.
"No. Go home, Sesshoumaru. Leave me and my family alone. I can't deal with you and this," she pointed at the wellhouse, "and whatever fresh hell you're trying to drag me into. I can't. I can barely look at you."
"You can and you must. There is no other way. Hear me and then I will leave you to your thoughts."
Kagome shook her head and lost her balance. The reiki had been too much. Her anger was dying and the adrenaline and false strength it brought was leaving with it. The world spun for a moment and her vision went black. Shaky knees buckled and would have shattered on the stone pathway if two arms of warm steel hadn't caught her first. When she blinked the fainting feeling away, he was kneeling down and holding her waist to keep her upright as she knelt on the stone.
Her first reaction was to recoil, shoving him away. Uncaring if she hit the ground, Kagome wanted to feel anything but this helpless, impotent rage and sadness. Instead, her traitorous fingers gripped fistfuls of the black button down over his biceps even tighter and she felt the lump in her throat double in size.
She was much too small, he noticed immediately. This human woman of great power and infinite kindness was unfairly broken by Fate, trying to create the simple and happy life she had wanted. The life he, too, had denied her once.
Kagome's heart rate doubled and Sesshoumaru watched as the pale sweater over her breasts rose and fell more quickly as her emotions and logic warred within her, trapped in his hold. Amber eyes never blinked, watching, and waited for her to speak. Her scent varied wildly from burning sadness to excessive exhaustion and then to the spicy pepper of her anger, until it finally settled into all three and she dropped her chin.
"Go away." she whispered, blinking watery sapphire eyes up at him. "Please just go away. Don't make this worse. Don't make it harder. I just need to feel better."
He stared right back and his eyes and his tone softened when he replied.
"I will not. For as long as you have been traveling in the past, and much longer before that, I have been waiting for you to return in this moment. You know enough of what has happened to understand what could happen next. You must hear what I have to say. If you decide to refuse after hearing the truth, I will accept it, but hear it first."
"Why? I don't want anyone expecting any more of me. I don't. I'm already promised to you." She pleaded up at him. "You have my entire life. Isn't that enough?"
"Many lives can be changed, saved, if you are willing. I regret that it falls to you but there is no other way."
"What more could you possibly want from me?"
"I want you to live. I want to save many other innocent lives from death. In a much smaller way, I want to save some of our history and not let everything I built end up in ruin because of my inability to see the truth."
"I'm not dying anymore. I'll live. Take that one off the list and just go."
Sesshoumaru shook his head and some of his silver hair tumbled over his shoulders. "Not from your illness. I was unaware entirely that you suffered from it back then. No, there is more. Will you hear it?"
"Not now. I can't take any more right now. I need time."
"I understand."
He swallowed thickly and his aura developed the same nervous agitation as it had before their tour of the gallery in the West.
"Then will you set me down now?" Kagome asked.
"I have one selfish request."
"Don't push it." the priestess snapped. "I'm not frying you or yelling anymore. That's the best you get from me today. Just let me go and I'll walk inside. We can talk tomorrow."
"Very well."
"Momma! Let him ask!" Shippou yelled from across the yard. At her angry glare, he fisted his hands on his hips and glared right back, saying the one thing she couldn't fault him for. "Trust me."
Sesshoumaru growled at the full-grown kit but Shippou just crossed his arms and raised his chin.
Kagome sniffled once more and sighed. "Fine. What?"
"It is late. Your son pushes his luck. I will speak with you tomorrow."
His quiet and defeated look gave her pause. Kagome gritted her teeth and took a deep breath. Her right hand released his shirt and she smoothed the wrinkles against his skin. It was as close to an apology as he would get from her.
"No. I- I said some unforgiving things. You deserve a request, I guess. A little one. What do you need?"
She had to say it like that. His voice dropped to barely above a whisper.
"Will you permit me-" she heard him swallow thickly and then he was silent.
"What?" she probed gently.
"-to hold you? If only a moment?"
"A hug? That's your selfish request?"
"I have been denied my Mate for nearly five centuries. Before today, this return to the present, you would not have understood. Now you may."
"I don't." Kagome shook her head. "We don't… have that kind of relationship."
He rose slowly, still holding her. Her hands grasped the dark sleeves over his forearms. She suddenly understood.
"Wait."
Blue eyes found his and she saw the hurt swimming there in the faded amber of his eyes, below the furrowed brow and above his downturned mouth. He was uncomfortable, fighting and frustrated with himself.
"Sesshoumaru?" He locked eyes with her. "We go through with this Mating, don't we?"
"Yes."
"And it worked?"
"Yes."
"The 'Mate' is me?"
"Yes, Kagome."
"I still don't really understand but I'll- Okay."
Sesshoumaru let out the breath he didn't realize he had been holding. Finally, after so long, she was real and allowing his touch; her permission given to soothe the centuries-long ache in his soul. She, this Kagome, did not possess his youki but everything else about her was enough for his instincts to recognize her as his.
Sesshoumaru slid his hands around her frail body, his right framing her slight waist and his left cradling her back to bring her closer. Kagome blinked and leaned forward, allowing him like she said, and wound her arms around him, too. His back and chest were warm through the dark shirt and Kagome's cheek reflexively brushed against his chest, seeking more of his warmth against the cooling night air.
He took a small step forward, pressing their bodies fully together to feel her. He heard her nervously swallow. This was new for her. In her timeline, they had barely touched at all… but not in his.
His hand crept around her waist and gripped her tighter. If this was all he was allowed, it would have to be enough but he would bathe in her attention until the next time it was granted. If there was a next time, he reminded himself. Every breath, every scent, and every soft brush of her face against him soothed his soul. Her heartbeat was rapid and strong even if her body was weak.
The deep memory of her scent was replaced for the moment with all that she was now: sad but not grieving, nervous but not fearful, content but not happy. His nose found the delicate skin behind her ear as she pressed into his chest and he inhaled, memorizing her all over again. She shivered against him and Sesshoumaru reflexively held her tighter. Slowly, her heart slowed and her breathing became even.
"I'm sorry." she whispered against his chest and squeezed his back. "I shouldn't have said all those things."
"Do not be. Some of what you say is true. You must release your anger, your sorrow, to grow past your grief. If you do not, it will consume you. Perhaps now, you will begin to truly heal."
His nose traced the edge of her ear and Kagome closed her eyes, staying still. He smelled like a cypress forest laced with lavender and she felt truly at peace for the first time in months, caged in strong arms, warm and protected from the world. It felt right to be held and the knowledge was surprising. This was not the embrace of a child or a friend or a parent, safe and platonic. This was the intimate embrace of a lover.
"I've been holding that in for so long and I didn't even know it was for you. I'm so tired of crying."
"That is why it is called 'grief.'"
"Why did it have to be now though? I've actually thought about you, this you, a few times since Inuyasha died and it never made me so… angry before."
"We had not faced each other in this new reality on equal footing before. We still have not, I suppose. There is much to discuss but our timing is notoriously terrible."
His cheek pressed against the crown of her head and stilled.
She chuckled just once, curtained by his silver hair. "Is it? I haven't even seen you since Fall of last year. I wouldn't know."
"An oversight corrected by the Summer. You will be angry when we meet," he laughed only once over her head, "and I will deserve it."
"Mmm." She nodded against his chest, only half hearing him.
The last several hours of nerves, the reiki she couldn't really spare, and the emotional turmoil of the fight finally caught up to her and Kagome yawned widely and apologized. Taking the cue, Sesshoumaru pulled his nose from her hair, brushing her cool cheek with his warm one, and looked into the forest over her head.
Across the yard, Kagome's mother was confused but Shippou was smiling from ear to ear.
"Fucking finally." the kitsune sighed, dropping his head to Mrs. Higurashi's shoulder.
"Did I just see what I thought I did?" she asked.
"Yes. And thank the kami. Now," he clapped loudly just once and his grandmother jumped, "we should make some tea because she's cold and we all have a lot to talk about."
Kagome and Sesshoumaru were just pulling apart on the central path of the shrine yard.
"Sesshoumaru?" she asked, looking up at him.
Her nose brushed his chin, she heard him inhale sharply and watched him tightly close his eyes and turn away. He knew logically that she did not intentionally mean to intimately brush her nose against his jaw but the action left him stirred and wanting nonetheless.
"Sesshoumaru," she tried again, "what happened?"
His arms tightened around her but he did not speak. He could not just yet as he fought his body for control, holding her so close after so long apart. A few more deep breaths passed between them before his raspy reply came.
"Much has not happened yet for you."
And he was damning it all. Feeling her here, so tender and warm, he cursed himself all over again for robbing them both of a much gentler future.
"Did something really bad happen?"
"Many things."
He could do this. It's what they had come for. It was going to be an unproductive night if he couldn't say the truth out loud.
"Are you okay?"
Kagome laid a cool palm against his cheek, as she might do to comfort Shippou in a moment of panic, and Sesshoumaru exhaled with a sad and rueful smirk. He returned her affection, pressing his cheek against her palm and accepting her comforting touch.
"I can admit in this moment of weakness, and only to you, that I am not and have not been for some years now. I miss your presence in our lives and I have only myself to blame."
"Why? You both seem so sad. You and I don't care about each other in my timeline. At all. What is happening?"
"The worst has already happened for your son and I." He took another steadying breath and locked eyes with her. "You and Rin have been dead since the second year following our Bonding."
"What? How?" Kagome gasped.
"I will tell you everything you wish to know but inside. It is cold and you are still weak."
"Weak enough to blow you across the yard…" she pouted.
His low, half-hearted growl made her laugh and Sesshoumaru was relieved to hear such a sound after their confrontation. It gave the daiyoukai hope that they might forge a closer relationship in the short time she was visiting. Taking a chance, emboldened by her mirth and relaxed posture, he swept her up in his arms.
"But not, I think, strong enough to escape being carried back to your house."
"You could just ask..." she grumbled, embarrassment flushing her face. "Gods, this is déjà vu."
His questioning eyebrow made her smile again. She was getting used to his expressions.
"The sparring match with Ren?" He stiffened around her. "You carried me back to my rooms-"
"Hm, before requesting your visit to the gallery. Yes, I remember. Another unpleasant evening between us."
"Not entirely. I learned a lot about you that day."
"And I, you."
…
They walked back to the house in silence after that and when Sesshoumaru stepped through the door, Shippou had four mugs of tea and a wide smile waiting for them. Mariko sprung into action, making sure Sesshoumaru knew whose house he was in and whose daughter he was holding.
"Put her down here, on the couch and I'll get another cushion for Shippou. Wait- Yes, there. Here, let me get a blanket. Take your tea, honey, and I'll be right back."
"Thanks, mom." Kagome called after her.
Mariko was muttering to herself, head buried in a linen closet when something crashed, she swore, and silence prevailed.
"She's flipping out, Momma. Can I go?" Shippou asked, genuine concern on his face.
"Oh no, take me." she said, pushing herself upright slowly. "This is so much; I hadn't thought yet about how she's doing."
"No, I can do it. We're cool now. Let me help, okay? You stay here."
"Okay," Kagome laid ungracefully back down, "but bring her back here if you need me."
"Yes, ma'am." Shippou saluted and walked away towards the laundry room.
Kagome's eyes softened and followed her son's back through the house.
"He's- he's so grown up. I never pictured what he would look like as a man." she said, still watching him.
"Like many mothers, he joined you as a child and remained so in your eyes. Most parents die before their children but for you, he would not have appeared much more than ten or so human years before you naturally passed."
Kagome nodded and looked back at Sesshoumaru who was still standing at the foot of the couch.
"Tell me about him. Growing up, I mean. What did I miss?"
"Kagome, tonight is not-" he started gently.
"No, it's okay. I knew I was never gonna live long enough to see him grown up. This is amazing. Like a gift, really. Tell me something happy. Let's do that for once. Tell me who he grew up to be."
When she drew up her knees in invitation, Sesshoumaru sat at the foot of the old, dark green couch and crossed his legs.
"Very well." He grabbed an untouched mug and sipped, then looked over at her. "He favors the color yellow in his possessions, he gained his second tail in his one hundred and sixty-seventh year and well ahead of his classmates, he battles with twin falchion forged from my fang and his and has yet to name them, and his most troublesome modern habit is crashing his car in the most noticeable and unique way possible. Kitsune are not known for their infallible attention spans and his is worse than most."
"Shippou's a bad driver… Wow. As informative as all of that is, that's what he is, not who he is. Who is he?"
"I see. He is your son, so he is hot tempered, uncoordinated, and loud-" he grinned.
"Hey!"
"But he loves with abandon, uncaring for propriety or appearances." Her face softened and she smiled contentedly. "He feels things keenly and understands himself and his emotions on a level even I envy. He is a dedicated Mate and caregiver. He is the only kitsune I have known that is unfailingly kind, selfless to a fault, as you were. He is a credit to you. Your legacy lives in him."
"Good. And I do love intensely. I'm still here, Sesshoumaru."
"You are, but you must understand that you have also been dead for many centuries and I-"
"What did we miss, you two?" Shippou asked from the kitchen, winding back around the table and dragging Mariko with him.
"Not much. Momma, are you okay?" Kagome asked gently.
"I'm… going to go lie down." She put a hand to her forehead. "My youkai grandson has agreed to look after you and I need some quiet after his explanation. Kagome, take it easy and get some rest. We'll talk tomorrow."
"Okay… are you sure you're all right?"
"My daughter is engaged to a demon, who I've known but not known most of my adult life, and throws glowing blue blades. No, sweetheart, I need some time."
Sesshoumaru stood and bowed slightly.
"I am sorry for the deception. Please understand, it was not intended to insult you but only to keep the shrine and your family out of the minds of our enemies."
"He said that, too. I just- I need to lie down."
"I'm still me. Whatever you want to ask, I'll tell you. Good night, Momma."
"Good night, Kagome, and don't stay up too late. Good night, you two."
Mariko grabbed the steaming mug and her book from the coffee table, kissed Kagome's head and retreated upstairs.
"She'll be okay. Just needs some time." Shippou shrugged. "She's never seen you use your reiki before?"
"Until this year, I never could. It always felt out of my reach until Miroku worked with me back home. Now, I feel like I have to use it constantly. But enough about me, you two are just staring now and it's making me nervous. Sit down and take a sip, then tell me what's going on. I don't know how long I'll be this coherent."
"You have decided to consider what we have to say?" Sesshoumaru asked.
"I have. It can't hurt to hear you out. I don't know how much strength in the near future I'll have to help you, but I want to know what had you both so upset. So, shoot."
"I'm trying to decide where to start. Pop?"
"Shippou-" Sesshoumaru warned.
Kagome's face split into a wide and sweet smile.
"Oh my gosh, that's adorable! He calls you 'Pop'?"
"Much to my chagrin."
"You like it?" Shippou grinned at her, then pointed at Kagome and looked at Sesshoumaru. "Look how happy she is! You can't be mad anymore."
Sesshoumaru did see the joy in her face and crumbled. The joke was long overdue to end anyway.
"Very well." he conceded, turning to Kagome. "Are you sure you are well enough to speak with us tonight, or would you prefer to go to bed?"
"No, I'm okay. A little sleepy but okay. What do you need me to do?"
"Many things."
"Sesshoumaru, that's not helpful." Shippou rolled his eyes.
"It is best to begin after the ceremony-"
"No, you came to visit that Summer way before, when I was at school-"
"That was unimportant and prior to my realization that-"
"You said we're starting with the Bond first-"
"We talked about this. She must first know-"
"Whoa!" Kagome yelled. "Time out! Someone just start at the beginning and we'll go from there, okay?"
Sesshoumaru took a deep breath and looked at her.
"The crux of the problem is to change what happens, to change the fates of both the West and everyone who died needlessly in its destruction, you must- we must forge a deeper Bond, first and foremost. Everything else may fall into place after that. However-"
"Wait a minute. Destruction of the West? You have an army, and everyone there is a daiyoukai. How?"
"Timing, discord, and ignorance were our enemies as much as our attackers but there is a plot to overthrow us and seize the West. The attack that finally cripples our army comes just after I leave to retrieve you during the Fall of our second year together, on which," he stopped her question, "I will elaborate when we reach that portion of the conversation."
"Who was it? Can't we just skip to the end if you know who it is? Stop everything terrible before it starts?"
"No. You will encounter them infrequently, but at the Bonding ceremony in particular, and I will not tempt your impetuous and vengeful nature by naming our enemy until after that. Your glare means nothing." He sent her a reprimanding look of his own. "You must be the Lady of the West and not a wrathful miko for Rin's sake and the sake of peace between the Cardinal Lands. In this, I will not yield. Ending the life of our enemy now will bring about the same end result only in a different way; potentially in a way I cannot prepare you for or counteract. This timeline, as it is now, we know and can navigate."
"More or less, anyway." Shippou shrugged.
"And you said a deeper Mating Bond? What's deeper than absorbing a piece of your aura? You've both told me how intense that is, but it needs to be more?" She looked at Sesshoumaru. "You've already explained Marking and-" her eyes shifted to Shippou, "everything else."
"Ha! Mom, I'm Mated now, remember? Chances are I get more action than you these days."
"Shippou Higurashi! He's right there! And I can't even think about that right now."
"I know." Her son's devilish grin widened. "So, I definitely shouldn't tell you how many times I heard you guys-"
"Fox!" Sesshoumaru warned.
"I agree! For kami's sake, relevant information only, please."
Sesshoumaru glared sideways at the mischievous kit and seized the moment of silence before Shippou could speak again.
"Much happens before our separation is over, but I cannot define any one event during that time that would alter the eventual outcome. However, after our Bonding ceremony, I will come to believe that Katsurou has sentenced us to Mate for the sole purpose of tempting us into creating hanyou heirs, weakening my bloodline and creating a pathway for him to seize the West."
"Weakening your bloodline? Did you meet Inuyasha?"
"I am not defending my actions, merely recounting my history. Additionally, in order to keep us from suffering the effects of the full Bond, I neglect to tell you one very important fact during our discussions of youkai Mating and the Bonding ceremony."
His eyes shifted nervously over to Shippou.
"Oh, go ahead. She can handle it. This is step one, right? Don't be a prude about it."
"I am considering her-"
"Handle what?" Kagome interrupted curiously, looking back and forth between them.
"Marking is not reserved only for males."
"Marking? Wait, you mean the biting-me Mating mark, right?"
"Indeed. What you do not know, more accurately: what I refuse to teach you, is that it is customary for youkai females to mark their males as well."
"Wait… Do you mean… You want me to bite you, too?"
"Mark me. Yes."
"Same thing."
"No, it is entirely different."
"Is it though?" Kagome raised a skeptical brow.
"Exceedingly. What you must attempt, if you agree, has never been done that I am aware. Other daiyoukai in history have taken human mates, but not human mates who were capable of sharing their energy to create a true Bond. Miko do not associate with youkai as a general rule so our union is unique. You have masterful control over your aura now and I believe you are capable of successfully melding your aura with mine."
"What does it do to you? Why does that matter?"
"I do not know how it will affect me but I am willing to take the risk. There will be many attacks on the West in the future. More assassins come for you in Edo, the woods surrounding, and even in the Western Palace once you reside there. If our Bond is stronger and more complete, through it, I will know where you are and your condition even at great distances."
"You were going to mark me anyway, though, so you would know, right? You said that you'd know where I was and told me about the memory transference."
"No, our Bond was intentionally weak. I forged the palest Bond with your aura that I could in order to spare us both."
"Spare us from what?"
"From the-" Sesshoumaru started but was cut off by Shippou.
"His ridiculous and self-destructive habit of blaming himself for everything and being everyone's whipping boy. Don't glare at me. It's true! She might as well know what she's saving you both from."
"You're just instigating now because I'm here to save you, Ship…"
"No, he knows it and if we're not honest right now, this all means nothing. He martyrs himself for everyone and doesn't want to share the burden of it all with you, and he doesn't want to feel your human emotions and grow attached to the Mate he knows might die in less than a century. He's a chicken about it and refuses to let himself love you."
"Too much, kit."
"Is that true, Sesshoumaru?"
"Be honest, Pop."
Sesshoumaru's eyes softened at Shippou and then turned on Kagome. The hand on his pant leg reflexively lifted to touch her before he caught himself and laid it back down.
"You are the first, Kagome. I do not know how this Bonding affects us both and I err on the side of caution to cause as little grief as possible to us both. I am, at this moment in your timeline, deciding what emotions are allowable regarding your return to the West."
"Allowable? Sesshoumaru, they're feelings. You don't allow them. They just happen."
"To you, yes. I am not afforded the same freedom."
"Kenshin said as much once. I'm sorry to hear he was right."
"In your timeline, I have not yet properly dealt with the emotions regarding my brother's death and feel much guilt and reticence in welcoming you back to the West as an intended Mate. Not because of who or what you are, but because I understand what you have been through intimately and do not wish to force your hand if you are not ready."
"Both of our hands were forced, dummy, and you might know better how I was doing if you came to visit me in Edo. As far as I know, you don't have any plans to do that."
"I do not. As I said, I will see you in the Summer. Perhaps, propose visiting to me then."
"Changing anything might help? Is that what you're telling me?"
"Not 'anything.' Our Bond, in particular, must be stronger for you to survive. If you are willing, then suggesting spending more time acquainting ourselves prior to the ceremony would be beneficial."
"So businesslike." she frowned. "So, you want me to Mark you, too? Say for a second that I agree to do it, what do I do if you stop me?"
"Since I will not be expecting it, you have the element of surprise on your side. I suggest you attempt your Mark at the same moment I do. Granted, it might be difficult."
"Why?"
"You may be distracted by pain… or pleasure." he thought for a second. "The latter is more likely. Our seclusion was eye-opening in its intensity."
"My son is right there!"
"And he has a Mark, too, remember?" Shippou grinned.
"Also, not something I want to think about!"
Shippou rolled his eyes. "It does hurt like a sonofabitch."
Shippou peeled his collar away and the pale crescent scar that outlined the base of his neck looked healed but still vibrant.
"Gods, that looks deep." she marveled.
"Well, it doesn't have to be but she's a little violent sometimes. It works for me." Shippou smirked.
"An understatement." Sesshoumaru rumbled.
"Enough of that, thank you. So, I should mark you too, and that gives us a stronger Bond, but how does that help anything?"
"In the second Fall following our union, you are stolen away by our enemies in an attempt to draw me out. Because our Bond is incomplete, your captor is clever, and you are weakened by the battle prior, I am unable to find you in time."
Kagome was silent, fisting the covers and thinking.
"And I die?"
Sesshoumaru nodded solemnly. He refused to think any more on what finding her looked like, smelled like, or felt like. Taking a deep breath, he re-centered his attention in the present and continued.
"You are killed, yes."
"What about Tenseiga?"
"The sword refuses to allow your return."
"But… why?"
Sesshoumaru looked away and then a brash ringing began in his pocket. The phone illuminated through his khakis and Sesshoumaru stood from the couch.
"Tell her." he said, pulling the phone from his pocket and walking outside. Shippou watched him go with concern on his face.
"I will but you should!" Shippou yelled after him and Sesshoumaru walked quickly out of the door.
"Is he okay?"
"No, he's still blaming himself, and he should, but he doesn't deserve what happened." Shippou's sad emerald eyes left the closed door and turned to his mother. "Tenseiga doesn't work because you gave up. You didn't want to come back. You were kidnapped and it was days before he found you. Even then, it might still have brought you back but I always thought it had to be because you thought he wasn't coming. That no one was."
"No, that can't be right. If anything, I'd never want to leave you alone."
"I don't know. I missed the attack while I was away at school. He came and got me to- When we buried you, he made sure I was there."
"Oh no, Ship. I'm so sorry."
"I missed being there for both you and Inuyasha when you needed me. It took a long time for me to make peace with that. Sesshoumaru was- well, he wasn't nice about it but he understood. We talked a lot. He started training me after that to keep us both busy and to make sure I could defend myself if shit ever hit the fan again. Which it has."
"What about Rin? Wasn't she still there to keep you company?"
"She was taken captive with you. You died together. He- Well, Sesshoumaru sort of lost it for a while. He left and didn't come back for months at a time. Ryota confronted him several times, even Kikuko-sama came around some, but he couldn't really hear them. He found me whenever he'd come back just to talk for a little while but it was years before he really stayed in the West again. By then, the humans in the area had pressed farther in than we all had realized and he lost the will to beat them back. Slowly, they built closer and closer until, about two hundred and fifty years ago, we gave up and shuttered everything. Been living like nomads ever since, reinventing ourselves over and over. Sometimes, I have trouble remembering who and what I'm supposed to be in public."
"Oh, Shippou. I'm so sorry."
"I'm not telling you this to make you feel guilty. This is just what's happened. I'd be lying if I said I wanted everything to change. I like who I am, I love my Mate and our life together, but everything else, that's all been pretty shit and if we could save everyone who was- If we could save you and all of the innocent lives lost in that last battle, I would do just about anything. It isn't up to me, though; it's up to you. That's cruel and unfair and I know that. Just, please, really think about it."
"I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked. I'm-" she yawned widely, "I'm losing control of my eyelids."
Sesshoumaru chose that moment to walk back inside, stiff and scowling. Shippou filled him in.
"I told her. But you should have. We're trying to change this remember? You want to do better; I want to make sure they're safe. Don't chicken out on me now." Frustration aside, Shippou's face shifted to one of serious concern. "Is everything okay?"
"Yes. Not a crisis, just a scare. Where were we? You are moments away from sleep." he said to a heavy-lidded Kagome.
"I might be but I have questions. So, answer me this: why let any of this happen at all? Why let Inuyasha leave here last time? Why let Katsurou sentence you to this Mating when you clearly don't want it in the beginning and then it makes you miserable in the end? Why didn't you stop everything right here when we were standing right in front of you?"
"Inuyasha's death and your visit to the West are inextricably linked, and critical to peace in the region and the future of the West. The connections you made with the lives you touched change the immediate and distant future."
"Oh, you mean like healing Kouhei?" she asked Sesshoumaru. He nodded.
"Indeed. He would have remained without his youki his entire life without your help. He grows to become a force for change in the attitudes of youkai towards humans in the East, allowing for the growth that resulted in all of this." He swept a hand out towards the city. "He also protected the families of those he made alliances with and he fathered his own ryuhanyou with his human Mate for many hundred years."
"Wow."
"Yes, Kagome. Your one visit to the West was a stone in a still pond, creating ripples of change and altering the reality for humans and youkai in the future. Your permanent presence there will change much more. I have considered many possibilities to alter your fate, limit your involvement, but I cannot see another way."
Shippou saw the resignation and doubt in her eyes and decided to help.
"Every future we tried to work out, well, they all begin with you changing the minds of those daiyoukai you already met, and a few more you haven't yet."
"No pressure or anything." Kagome scooted further under the blanket, thinking.
"No, it's lots of pressure. I know that. It isn't easy, what we're asking. We're basically asking you to make Pop fall in love with you."
Kagome sat ramrod straight and put her mug down on the table. "Whoa, hold on. How do you figure that?"
"Deepening the Bond is basically that: you'll be more intimately intwined than any other human has ever been to another soul." Shippou looked right into her eyes. "It's an intimidating thought, and if you agree, we'll tell you everything we know about what to expect."
"No. I'm not ready to think about that. Anyone… else. I can't." She shook her head. "I loved Inuyasha for so long and I still do. I know what happens in another year and a half but that has nothing to do with love. Our situation is complicated and weird but I can put it in a box as an arranged marriage based on mutual need and leave it at that for now."
"Before we leave it," Shippou held up a hand, "I want you to know what we're actually asking and for you to have all the information. Once it's done, the strengthening of your Bond is irreversible, invasive, and you may be stuck with each other for much longer than you've realized."
"Huh?"
"The kit is referring to the prospect that fully Bonding a human with a daiyoukai of great power may extend your life many times over. There is no research we can do on the matter."
"Thank you, Mr. Humblebrag." Shippou groaned.
"It is only the truth."
"Is that really true? My life?" she asked, breathless.
"It may be true. The dragon's Mate is a human only, not a miko, but she has surpassed four hundred years old and appears no different than she did on their Bonding day. I do not know how our energies react to each other in the long term. As I said, it has never been done."
"But I could live to see all of our friends die?"
Kagome looked at Shippou. He stood up and sat on the very edge of the couch next to her, hugging her close.
"It's not all bad. From personal experience, I can tell you it's rough losing the humans around you to time but if we could have that much more time together… Burying Sango and Miroku was hard but losing you- Momma, if you could have even a full human life, I'd be happy."
"Oh, honey. I'm so sorry. I feel like I've abandoned you. I hate that look in your eyes."
"It's not because I miss you, I do, and I don't care if we don't have forever together but you shouldn't have died there the way you did. We could have saved you if we'd found you in time."
Sesshoumaru decided to help the kit when the spark of interest lit Kagome's eyes. She had not refused them outright, she had allowed him to embrace her and returned his affection, she had listened and responded with her own questions. Perhaps, she was thinking seriously about helping them.
"You may live even to see your son grow into adulthood. To live a life long enough to see your goals and dreams fulfilled. Such is often the detriment of a short, natural human life. I understand and respect your hesitance but the lives of nearly everyone currently residing the West are at risk. It is a hard choice, but not if you consider that there is much more to be gained than to be lost."
"No, I see that but I just-" A wide yawn stopped Kagome's reply and Shippou looked over at Sesshoumaru. "I'm not ready to love anyone again. I can't imagine yet what that feels like. And you? You don't seem like you want a relationship at all. You, the past you anyway, has explained things, helped us get better, but then you've just forgotten about us entirely after we went home."
His eyes narrowed on her. Forgotten her? His life, even in her absence, was planning and discussing and preparing for the changes that having a true Lady of the West would bring about. She had lamented his relationship with his mother so he was attempting to reconcile with her. She had aided him in maintaining peace during the Council meeting so he was continuing their work. She had mothered Rin and forged a new bond with his ward he was currently enjoying himself. His entire household was anticipating her return with bated breath and their whispers of her kindness and uniqueness filled his sharp ears nearly every day. Forgotten her? He was not allowed to forget her. She surrounded him even hundreds of leagues away.
"I have not forgotten you. Nor has my entire household. I am distracted and battling in the West to protect my Lands from further invasion, maintaining the peace we won during that year's Council meeting."
"Oh."
Shippou watched her watching Sesshoumaru and sighed.
"I promise you that you have a real chance at happiness again, even if it wasn't your choice. He's not all bad. He's stubborn, like you, and he's passionate, like you, but he's pretty clueless most of the time so you're gonna need to be patient with him in the beginning."
"Wait, you sound like you're trying to fix me up. Hold on a second. I don't know how I feel about any of this. I understand logically what you're asking, but I can't face a new relationship right now." She scoffed. "I have another year and a half before either of us has to decide how to feel about this Mating. And you just gave me a lot more to think about. Let me just… do that for now."
"In your own time, miko, you will heal. Our Bond is predetermined and for that, for your lack of choice, I am sorry. However, to love again is a decision you alone can make. I will not suggest such a thing is required and neither," he narrowed his eyes at the instigating kit, "should your son."
"Oh, come on, Sesshoumaru! You guys might be opposites in a lot of ways but neither of you is stupid. You know as well I do that you both hope, even now, that you can be happy together for a few different reasons." he gruffed.
"Calm down. I asked for time and that's what I need. Whatever happens, isn't it up to us to decide?"
"I agree." Sesshoumaru said, leaning back into the couch.
"No, now it's my turn to be mad. We may not get a chance to talk about this again." He stood and paced around the room in frustration then stopped, glared at Sesshoumaru and pointed an accusatory finger at the wellhouse. "If she goes back there, not knowing how you feel even now, the same crap will happen all over again. Don't let this be for nothing because you're scared shitless to tell her the truth."
"The truth is that you are toeing a dangerous and impudent line, Shippou."
"No, your reluctance to open up to her is how we ended up in this mess in the first place! Your stubborn, emotionally constipated, high-handed heart shut out the only person who loved you enough to die in your place!"
"Whoa! Shippou calm down! Honey, it's not that simple- Wait, what? Die in your place?"
"He has clearly-"
"Don't you fucking dare, Sesshoumaru. You tell her the truth right now."
"This is neither the time nor the place, kit, and you are out of line."
"You wanna take this outside, old man?" Shippou growled, crouching threateningly.
"Shippou!" Kagome gaped.
"We are indeed going outside and I will explain the definition of 'tact' in detail before we return." Sesshoumaru growled. "Please excuse us for a moment."
Sesshoumaru rose and Kagome watched the instant fear on Shippou's face as he backed away towards the door as the daiyoukai walked calmly towards him.
"Don't you dare! Not in front of her."
When he was no more than a few steps away, the inu flexed his claws and in a flash, had Shippou in a headlock and was dragging him out the door.
"I'm a grown-up now, goddammit! This is abuse! Ouch! Gah!"
"Continue to struggle and you know what will happen. Do you wish to explain to your Mate, once again, why you are missing all of your hair?"
"Don't you hurt him!" Kagome called after them, flinching when the door slammed.
Kagome heard scuffling, gravel flying, and some half-hearted yelling but was deep in thought about what Shippou had said. She had sacrificed herself for him? Sesshoumaru was scared to tell her the truth of what had happened? Or was he scared of something else? Sesshoumaru actually got scared? As she thought, and the odd pair remained outside, her eyelids grew heavy. Tucking herself underneath the blanket entirely, Kagome decided to wait for them to return and close her eyes just for a moment.
Minutes later, Sesshoumaru opened the door quietly and Shippou followed him in.
"Do not ever speak that way around her again."
"I know and I'm sorry, okay? Akari is gonna kill me, by the way, if you ever melt my hair ag-"
"Quiet. She is asleep."
His own comments had been out of line, it was absolutely the wrong time to shoehorn love into the conversation, but he was so frustrated with the waiting that he lost his patience. Shippou watched his second adoptive father stare at his sleeping mother with genuine affection. His golden eyes were soft and relaxed, taking in her gentle breathing and haphazard, unguarded sprawl on the entire length of the couch. Sesshoumaru's guard dropped and he bent over her, his hands carefully and tenderly tucked the blanket around her exposed feet.
The moment was rare but it nearly broke the kitsune's heart all over again to know Sesshoumaru was inches away from the woman who could make him whole but had forbidden himself from showing her his true feelings. She wasn't ready for that, Shippou knew, but it hurt to watch them dance around each other both then and now.
"I thought that might happen. You wanna stay with her?"
"She will not appreciate my presence in the morning. I also took the liberty of bringing some clothes for you from your collection left at my apartment."
"Ah, thanks. I didn't think yesterday was 'it' so I didn't pack. She doesn't hate you, you know. She doesn't even know you yet. Why don't you spend some more time with her while she's here? Let her see some of what we've done in her honor. It won't change anything, will it?"
"It might. Her exposure to our efforts may very well be the cause of her attempts in the future, or else, we may dissuade her from ever beginning them. I am unsure."
"Better safe than sorry then?"
"Hm. Perhaps mention a dinner together instead."
"The three of us, right? You don't want me to ask Akari and the youngest kits to come. That's a mess and a half she's not ready for. I don't want to confuse them either. I can't keep up half the time with all this 'future versus past' BS."
"No. The three of us, if you can manage it."
"I can manage it. Akari knows it's important. My Mate knew my mother before, after all."
"I remember. Take her out, away from the shrine, if she has the strength for it, and distract her. She needs time to digest the plan we laid out and this shrine is a memory in itself. She would do well to step away."
"Why don't you take her?"
"She would not want to be alone with me for so long at this point in our acquaintance and I cannot remain in her presence for so long without frustration."
"You can be honest about that at least. Okay, so I'll take her out, I dunno, shopping or something and then we'll go out for dinner tomorrow, if she feels up to it."
"No, not out. At my apartment. She is still weak and if she becomes overly tired, I do not want her to feel uncomfortable in public."
"Good point. You gonna cook then?" Shippou asked hopefully.
"Hm."
"Pulling out the big guns, huh?"
"Would you do any less?"
"No, I guess not. You're not as stupid as I thought."
"Good night, Shippou." Sesshoumaru said curtly. "Stay alert and notify me in the morning when plans are made if she agrees."
"Will do, Pop! Good night."
Sesshoumaru gave Kagome one more fleeting glance and left. The kit followed him to the steps and then caught the hefted bag thrown from the street and walked back inside. Shippou took off his shoes, grabbed a throw pillow from the armchair nearby, and laid down on the floor beside the couch. Thinking better of it, he sat back up, brushed some stray hair from Kagome's face and placed a featherlight kiss on her cheek before settling down to sleep.
"Good night, Momma."
"G'night, Ship…" she mumbled.
...
AN: So it was gonna be one chapter per season. Really it was. But when I started adding in the detail, setting up the rest, it just got too long. So, maybe the seasons are one chapter and maybe they're three. Like this one. There's another Spring chapter coming but I'm 90% sure that's the last one for Spring. Don't quote me on that, though. Thanks for reading!