TWO

"Carlisle, we have a problem," Alice said softly. "I'm sorry, but… I had a vision. We were all out in the forest hunting when I had it. I tried my best to think of distractions, but Edward still saw it in my head. He saw you talking to Bella and telling her all of this. He's so angry. Emmett and Jasper have him under control for now, but I don't know how long they can keep him like that." She glanced at me then back to the Cullen patriarch. "He's absolutely furious, Carlisle. I've never seen him so angry."

I stiffened as panic rose in my throat and shivered. "What will happen? Is he going to try to talk to us?"

She shrugged. "I don't know yet. He's too angry to make a decision."

I bowed my head, suddenly feeling ashamed of myself in front of the dark-headed girl that I thought of as my sister. I had let myself have feelings for Edward and, whether I would have admitted it before or not, Carlisle as well. I had found him attractive, intriguing, and now I found myself being the reason Edward was hurt and angry. I felt so conflicted. I felt guilty and like I was betraying Edward, but the truth was that our relationship always had an uncomfortable tension just beneath the surface. I knew he always tried to give me only half of the truth, to keep me somewhat in the dark about who and what he was. I knew he always wanted to control me and, sadly, I had let him.

If I were to be honest with myself, it was not a healthy relationship.

What I felt for Carlisle somehow felt natural.

It was true that Edward had rarely left me alone in the presence of any of his family, but the times I had spent with Carlisle around, it had always seemed pleasant enough. And aside from battling the attraction I had felt, it was never uncomfortable to be around him. Indeed, his presence was so calming. He was compassionate, so kind and caring. It was rarely a challenge to talk to him. And the way he held me now felt so perfect and so right. There was no stiffness or awkwardness to his embrace. He always talked with me, not to me. He had never treated me anyway but like an equal, not like I was a child that needed her hand held and dragged through life with her decision being made for her.

"Bella?" I glanced up to see Alice perched on the edge of Carlisle's desk, her eyes staring down at me with sympathy. "I might not be able to read minds, but I know what you're thinking and you should stop it right now!" She crossed her jean-clad legs underneath her, the white silk of her top pooling in her lap. "When Eddie saw that you would be joining our family, he took it into his warped brain that, because you are his singer, it meant you were meant for him. I tried to tell him he was wrong, that it wasn't what the pull meant for him, but he wouldn't listen." She leaned forward, as if she could not stay still, and propped her elbows on her knees. "You should not feel guilty about wanting to pursue a relationship with your mate. Edward will get over it in time, I promise. Right now, he's just angry and hurt. But you're not his mate, so he'll live."

"So, y-you're not mad?" I stammered in surprise.

"Oh, Bella!" she exclaimed, rolling her golden eyes at me. "I saw this coming the moment I saw you through the cafeteria window. When I told everyone that you would end up joining our family, Edward let everyone know that he had found his mate. I immediately attempted to correct him, so everyone in the family has seen this coming. It's one of the reasons that Rosalie was so upset. She wasn't upset with you, Bella. She was pissed off that Edward was being a jerkwad. Her wording, too. She was furious that he was using his nature to dazzle you. It wasn't fair to you. It was almost like he was forcing you to fall in love with him, and she could not stand that."

"So, Rosalie doesn't hate me?"

"Of course not!"

I glanced up to see both Rosalie and Esme in the doorway and squirmed uncomfortably. I knew that Carlisle had said that Esme was not his mate or his wife, but I could not help but wonder how she felt about the current situation. I didn't have time to dwell on it, though, because I was shocked out of my reverie when Carlisle growled quietly.

I had never heard such a sound come from him and wanted very much to question him about it, but no one else seemed overly disturbed by his behavior so I decided to wait until a more appropriate time.

"Edward has just been acting like a spoiled child this whole time," Rosalie growled. "I never had any issues with you personally, Bella. No, I would never have chosen this life for myself, but you're an intelligent young woman. I think you know the risks and benefits." Her eyes darted to Carlisle and they narrowed. "I had to leave before I killed him. He was really starting to piss me off. I really wanted to put my foot up his—"

"Rosalie!" Esme exclaimed before turning to me with a bright smile. "I am so very happy for you, sweetheart!" She flitted over to me to kiss my cheek. "I was beginning to fear that Carlisle was never going to tell you. And I heard what Alice said. She's right, you know. You shouldn't feel guilty about anything, Bella-dear."

I watched with wide eyes as she flitted to one of the chairs in front of Carlisle's desk.

"Um…" I was too surprised to say anything, and I felt my face heating up as the four vampires laughed at my reaction. I glanced down then back at Rosalie, who still stood in the doorway as if she were guarding the room. "So… Um… What's going to happen? I mean, with us."

My eyes darted to the leader of the Cullens.

"Whatever you wish, cara mia." He stroked my cheek gently, before pressing a loving kiss to my temple. "Whatever you wish."

.

As I sat in my mate's lap, I tried desperately not to think about how Edward was somewhere in the woods, being held back by his two brothers. I sat quietly, simply absorbing everything that Carlisle had told me about our relationship and the brief mention of the seductive draw that my blood seemed to hold for him. He stroked my hair and calmed my nerves, whispering endearments in both English and Italian.

"May I ask you a question?" I queried suddenly. "It's rather personal and I don't want to offend you. I'm just… curious."

He nuzzled my ear, and I felt myself blushing, well aware that there were still three other females in the study with us. "You may ask me anything you wish, my pet."

"If my blood is so absolutely tantalizing to you, why have you not tried to drink my blood before? Is it just because I'm your mate? Was it because of Edward? I mean, let's face it: as much as I get injured, you've certainly had several chances." I doubted I would ever admit it to him, but I was rather annoyed and slightly offended. Out of all the vampires who wanted to or already had experienced my blood, the one and the only person who had the right, the only one I wished to taste me, was the one who seemed determined not to. When I felt him stiffen, I immediately regretted asking and apologized. "I'm sorry. I told you it was personal."

He shook his head then pressed his cool lips to my temple. "It is perfectly all right, bella mia. I am not at all upset with you. It is a fair question, and if I am to be honest, denying myself the taste of your blood has been almost as painful as denying my feelings. But you should know that I could never bring myself to drink from you. It would be inappropriate to do so, and it would be quite unfair to my family, who has struggled to resist human blood. From the moment I awoke to my condition, I swore to myself that I would not let the blood of humans pass my lips. I strove for centuries to perfect my control. How do you think my family would feel if I were to have given in to the temptation of your blood, if I were to allow myself to partake of the luscious life that flows through your veins?"

I heard a snort and glanced up in time to see Rosalie roll her eyes. "Don't you just love how he presumes to know what we think?"

"Rosalie," Esme warned softly.

I nibbled my lower lip for a moment then spoke up in defense of the blonde female. "Well, she may have a point." When the older woman glanced at me with a raised eyebrow, I sucked on my lip for a moment before casting another apologetic glance to my surprised mate. "Well, think about it. Why is it that Edward was forgiven for the time he rebelled? Why is it okay for Jasper to slip? You seem to hold a higher standard for yourself than you do for everyone else."

"Bella, I'm supposed to be the leader of this family. I—"

"So that makes you better than everyone else?" I challenged, watching his eyes flash with hurt and his lips part with shock.

I saw Rose move from the doorway, her arms crossed in front of her as she spoke. "No," she said softly. "He doesn't think he's better than us. He just hates himself that much. He can always believe there is forgiveness and redemption for others, but not for himself. He can see the goodness in his family, but not in himself. I asked Jasper to confirm it one time. He doesn't think any less of us for being what we are, but he absolutely loathes himself.

"The reason he strives so hard to appear human is that he cannot bear to be seen as what he feels is a monster." Rosalie sighed heavily. "Don't get me wrong. I never would have chosen this life, but I honestly do not bear Carlisle or any of my family ill will. It's hard sometimes because I wanted to be a mother, a grandmother. But as much as I miss that, even I do not deny what I am. Yes, I strive to resist human blood, but I still give in to the majority of my urges." When I looked up at her in questioning, I saw that she was back in the doorway as she explained. "You looked incredibly surprised earlier when Carlisle growled at us. If you want to know the truth, so was I. Including the incident with James last year, that is only the second time I have heard him growl in almost fifty years. Did you know that whenever Emmett holds me and nuzzles me, the way Carlisle was doing to you earlier, we purr?"

My head snapped toward my mate. "You purr?"

"I doubt he's purred once since he's been changed. I know in the near-century that I've been alive, I've never heard it."

He ignored his daughter, looking distinctly uncomfortable. "I… have the ability, yes."

I gazed at him thoughtfully, my lips pursed before I barged on. "You know, this isn't only unfair to me, it's unfair to your family for you to constantly deny what you are. You want to talk about what your family thinks? Whether you meant to or not, you've set your own personal standards so high, that they probably feel that they will never be able to live up to the perfection of Carlisle Cullen."

Oh, I was getting really annoyed now. I was surprised that Alice and Esme had not stepped into the argument, but I supposed Alice would see that things might get very ugly if they did, particularly since I nor Rosalie was holding anything back. Normally, I would not go after the male so strongly, but I was angry to learn that in his need to deny what he was to himself that he was denying me the same, denying me the experience of knowing him so thoroughly and intimately. It was insulting.

"You hate yourself so much that you would deny your instincts even to your mate? If hate yourself so much, do you have any plans on claiming me as your mate? Were you really going to let me remain with Edward? Was that the only part of your instincts you were going to abide by?"

"Bella…" he sighed heavily.

"Oh, he's suppressing a growl!" Rosalie supplied helpfully.

"Rosalie," Carlisle warned.

I glanced back to the blond female to see a dangerous smirk on her face.

"Rose," Alice hissed softly, moving away from the desk.

"You can tell he's pissed off because his eyes are solid black."

When I looked back, Carlisle's eyes were closed and it looked like he was having trouble controlling his breathing, even though vampires didn't actually need to breathe. "Carlisle? Please open your eyes."

"He's not going to do it," Rosalie taunted. "He doesn't love you that much."

Suddenly, I was on my feet and staring at Carlisle's back while the many items of his desk flying across the room as he up-ended said desk.

Esme and Alice were across the room and against the wall as the male snarled in rage.

"That's better," his normally stern daughter said brightly, obviously pleased that she had gotten a reaction from him.

"Rosalie!" he roared.

His whole body trembled violently, though whether it was from anger, shame, or a combination of both, I wasn't entirely sure. I could only guess the latter, as I was only privy to the tensing muscles of his back. Without any hesitation, I touched his shoulder and nodded toward the door. "Would you please leave us alone for a moment?" I watched Rose trounce away, smirking, and a disturbed looking Alice and Esme follow, closing the door silently behind them. "Carlisle, look at me."

"No," he whispered harshly as he turned to me, his eyes still tightly closed. "Why? Why did you have to insist upon pushing this subject so far?"

"Because, Carlisle, if I'm to be your mate," I returned gently, "I want to know you, the real you. I deserve to know exactly who and what you are. I deserve to know every part of you." I gave him a sympathetic smile when his eyes snapped open to study me. "Carlisle, you need to give me more credit and trust than you do."

"Bella—"

"Carlisle, listen to me." I placed a hand on his chest and wrapped one around his waist, stepping closer to him. "You are not a monster. You are not damned. You have one of the purest souls I have ever encountered." When his lips parted to argue, I placed a finger over them. "It's true. The soul is meant to take the love they feel from a higher power and to give and share that love with the other souls it encounters. It's meant to do good, to be its best, and you've done that and more. Carlisle, to deny what you are, to deny every single instinct within you… It's not right."

I rested my head on his shoulder, surprised and grateful when his arms slipped around me. "I understand that you don't want to take the lives of humans. It's admirable. It's amazing really. But there's a difference between pushing away the instinct to kill and denying your entire being. You have more restraint and more humanity than most of humanity. Humans torture, rape, kill. Our species is capable of the most unthinkable horrors." I glanced up at him. "Being a vampire doesn't make you a monster. A monster is born of behavior. And I can assure you, Carlisle Cullen, that you are more like an angel than a monster." I noticed that his eyes were slowly returning to their normal color and smiled. "While you are going to hate hearing this, I should point out that growling when you're angry or you're protecting me, purring in happiness – that doesn't make you a monster either." I kissed his pale jaw and smirked wickedly at him. "It makes you damn sexy!"

He quirked an eyebrow at me. "Is that so?"

I grinned lightly. "Very much so."

He buried his face in my hair and inhaled my scent deeply. "Perhaps you are right and I am not damned. No creature damned by God could be blessed with a gift as wise, charitable, and loving as yourself, cara mia."

"Are you going to stop with the self-loathing?"

"I will endeavor to relinquish my rather unfounded hold upon myself hatred." He stroked my ear with a cool finger and I shivered. "But if I am to be quite honest, Isabella, I doubt that I will ever give in into my desires to drink from you. I'm afraid I would feel rather guilty for indulging myself in your delightful taste after having spent so many decades trying to keep my family from human blood."

I sighed. "Wow, Carlisle. Getting things through your head is like getting a camel through the eye of a needle."

He smirked at my little quip. "Nicely phrased, Isabella."

"Thank you. I do try, but that wasn't all, I'm afraid," I chuckled. "You have to remember, Carlisle, that your children have their own minds. They chose to follow your particular diet. The only standards they should be living up to are their own. They need to live their lives in a way that is good for them, just like you have to live in a way that's right for you." I stroked his arms, smiling at the feel of his hard muscles beneath his pale blue shirt. "So if I were to ever offer you my blood, it would be consensual. You are taking nothing. There would be no wrongdoing under those conditions."

"Bella…" he drawled in warning.

"I'm not asking you to drink my blood now," I spoke in dulcet tones. "But you should know that if ever the desire seems overwhelming, I would not be opposed to you tasting my blood. You have my permission unless I state otherwise. And if you are worried about the unfairness of you being allowed to taste my blood while your family continues to stay away from feeding on humans, then I should remind you that I am your mate. I am your mate and I consent to allow you that pleasure." I reached up suddenly and threaded my hands through his blond hair, beaming as the silky locks slipped through my fingers. "And you might be surprised, Carlisle. Your family might not be as upset or unhappy as you probably would like to imagine them being. I'm certain they'd want you to be happy."

He closed his eyes tightly and I knew that he desperately wanted to argue with me about that statement so I cut him off before he could. "May I ask you a question?"

His eyes popped open and he grinned mischievously. "Last time you asked a question, it resulted in my flipping my desk upside down."

I couldn't stop the laugh that bubbled passed my lips and snuggled into his embrace, wanting to be as close to him as possible. When I felt him kiss the top of my head then lower his face to my neck, I sighed happily. "I want to hear you purr."

Without even a moment's hesitation, he kissed his way up the side of my neck and began nuzzling my ear, the sound rumbling low in his chest. It was truly the most beautiful sound I had ever heard. When I whispered my thoughts to him, the volume grew louder, reminding me of a contented jungle cat. The thrill of joy that shot through me was beyond anything I had ever felt before. It was all because of this lovely man, this incredible and exquisite creature that loved me. I was happy because my beautiful mate was purring for me.

.

TBC

In the words of Bob Ross:

Son of a gun, that's a pretty nice tree for being done that quick.