ELEVEN

"Bella, are you okay?"

"Yeah, Dad. I just… Um…" I looked helplessly at Carlisle then Esme, who was the one to speak up.

"Charlie-dear," Esme practically cooed, "I think, perhaps, you should sit down."

Charlie immediately eyed Carlisle and Jasper, who sent waves of calm throughout the room, and waited until the Cullens were seated to pull up a chair to the table. "Does this have to do with Bella's accident?"

"Something like that," I murmured darkly, remembering just how much I wanted to punch Jessica in the face. I cringed when Jasper shot me a look but instantly relaxed when he directed more calm feelings toward me and Carlisle, who had tensed when he felt my growing ire. I muttered beneath my breath, "Sorry."

"In a sense," my mate said, echoing my sentiment a little more eloquently. "It actually pertains to the situation that led to Bella's accidents." He took a deep breath before speaking, making sure his smooth tenor was as composed and controlled as possible. "What I wish to tell you, Charlie, is not going to be something that you will be overly pleased to hear—" that instantly made my father tense, and I had never been more grateful for Jasper's influence than I was in that moment— "but I wish you to know that I hold nothing but the utmost respect for you and Isabella."

I began to fidget slightly when Charlie gazed at me then back to Carlisle then back again. Nervously, I reached up and started twisting my hair around my fingers, wanting nothing more than just to touch my mate and feel his love flowing into me. I was certain my dad would lose it if I reached over and grabbed one of Carlisle's hands, which were folded elegantly on the table. And that weird part of my mind took the time to ponder that were I to interlock my fingers like that and sit so perfectly, I would just look silly. But I would be damned if Carlisle Cullen didn't just look so…aristocratic, so gracefully dominate, despite his seemingly humble tone and words.

I realized in that exact moment that, whether he was aware of it or not, my mate was more in tune with his nature than he had ever imagined. Even before he had allowed some of his more base instincts to surface, there was an intense yet quiet power that he exuded which practically screamed that he was in control and that no one should dare think to go against him. The calm reserve he had always shown was not a lack of instinct, as he had taught himself to believe, but an imposing authority that was far more intimidating than outright aggression.

Ruling with sheer force and raging instinct would only last a leader so long. Carlisle was extremely conscientious and calculating when it came to the constant input his vampiric brain received and he, I realized, was probably one of the most powerful of his kind. It made perfect sense to me now why my mate, though an animal drinker, could fit in so perfectly with the Volturi.

Carlisle Cullen was truly the epitome of alpha male and he was dangerous.

He stared unblinking at my father as he continued with what he needed to say. "I want you to be assured, Charlie, that Isabella means a great deal to me—" he ignored the way Charlie tensed— "and that I would never do anything to harm her or cause her any pain. I want you to know that I never once approached Bella with my feelings until she had turned eighteen. I would never have disrespected her by approaching her at any previous time."

This seemed to relax Charlie slightly. Slightly being the operative word.

"I understand that you must have concerns about this, Chief Swan," my mate said with such unnerving calm that even I wanted to fidget under the weight of his command, "especially given that I am older than Bella and have previously been married to Esme."

I had to give Charlie credit. So far, he sat that there patiently listening to what it was that Carlisle had to say instead of jumping up for his shotgun and attempting to put holes through him. It said a lot about my father and I felt slightly guilty about having worried about an overreaction, but given how much he absolutely detested Edward, I did not feel too guilty. It also spoke volumes about how much he must have respected Carlisle to hear him out. I had to admit that I was rather proud of Charlie.

"Hopefully, I can allay at least part of your concerns by admitting to you that I am not as old as I claim to be. I am… rather gifted and I graduated at a very early age," the Cullen leader said quietly. "Due to the unusual dynamics of my family, people would find it rather difficult to believe that a twenty-three-year-old is capable of supporting and guiding such a large unit as ours. Many would also find it rather inappropriate for—" he glanced at Esme as if asking a silent question, and I felt jealousy spike through me at their easy communication— "two people as young as Esme and myself to have taken in children of their age. But there were very tragic circumstances surrounding our children and we believed that we could help address such issues as we both had shared similar losses like those of our children. We felt that we could help keep them from having to be separated by the system, as we had been with our own families."

I saw Charlie studying Esme carefully, as it trying to determine how old she really was. Poor Charlie. If he only knew. Of course, by tomorrow night he would and, boy, was he in for a trip!

"Charlie," Esme practically cooed, "Carlisle and I met when we were very young. I do not believe that either of us had any doubt that our relationship would ever be a permanent one. We were and still are the best of friends—" she glanced at me in surprise when I gave a slight growl that, thankfully, my father did not hear— "but I can assure you that what Carlisle feels for Bella is quite real. He has always put her before himself and has only wanted what is best for her."

Esme was almost as dangerous as Carlisle, I decided. She was well aware of just how effective her loving and compassionate nature could so easily draw anyone around her in and was as equally aware of how to use it to her benefit when it was necessary. She was elegant, kind and charming, and as I watched her, I could not help but wonder just why she was not Carlisle's mate. They were, after all, quite perfectly fit for each other.

I was vaguely aware of Carlisle and Esme still talking with Charlie, but I did not take much notice because I felt sick. I felt physically sick and sick deep inside my soul as I started to think about just why I was Carlisle's mate. It was him that had told me that the heart could not help with whom it fell in love and it suddenly occurred to me that, in reality, he had no choice but to love me. While I, as a human, could actually survive and live on without him, he could not without me. And it was not even his choice. He had not chosen to love me. He had not chosen me as his mate because he wanted it. He had to.

I felt Carlisle tense beside me as my emotions crashed into him and even Jasper shifted in his seat. I had not realized just how still I had gone or how intense the emotions of sadness that I had given off were until I heard Charlie asking if I was all right. I plastered on a smile, nodding a little more enthusiastically than was necessary. "I'm fine. I'm just a bit worried about how you are taking this."

Charlie sighed heavily as he glanced back and forth between Carlisle and me. "I'm not gonna lie, Bells. I'm not really happy about this. People are going to talk."

I bowed my head and bit my lower lip, feeling tears welling up in my eyes. As depressed as I was thinking about Carlisle loving me out of instinct and not of choice, hearing my father getting ready to deny me his approval stung.

"But you're a big girl," my father added. "I can point out all the flaws of this relationship to you and tell you what people are gonna think and say, but if you know the risks then it's your choice to make, Bells. You're an adult now and I can't stop you. I sure as hell don't have to like it, and I promise you that I don't, but I can't make your choices for you now, Bells. All I ask is that you really think about what you're doin'."

Wow. Things turned out much better than I thought.

"And you!"

Oh… Thought too soon!

He shook a finger at Carlisle in a threatening manner, which I found rather funny since there was absolutely no way on this Earth that Charlie could actually harm the vampire. "If you hurt my baby girl, I swear on all that's holy… I know how to dispose of a body so it's never found." He glanced at me for a moment when I hissed 'Dad!' in horror before turning back to the leader of the Cullens. "I've always respected you, Carlisle, but I mean it. You had better not hurt my little girl."

"I can assure you, Chief, that if I were to cause Bella any pain or harm, I would gladly load the gun for you," Carlisle said softly and I immediately felt the sickness growing inside me. "Isabella is truly the most precious thing in my life and I will do everything within my power to protect her. I will treasure her heart with every fiber of my being."

"Bella?"

I glanced up at my dad and tried not to laugh at the expression on his face. Despite his calm words, he really was not happy. He looked like he had bitten directly into a lemon and I wondered if this was really the end of it or if we were going to be dealing with a lot of work tomorrow night. "Sorry, dad, I'm just… I'm just worried that you won't be able to understand how happy Carlisle makes me. I realized quite a while back that Edward wasn't right for me. I was never really comfortable with him and it felt forced. When I'm with Carlisle, it feels natural. It feels right. I feel like I can be myself and that I'm loved for who I am… I'm happy, Dad. I just want to know that in time, you might be happy for me too."

He nodded. "All I want is for you to be happy, Bells. I'm sure in time, I'll… adjust."

I rolled my eyes. "Thank you, Dad."

Jasper was the first to rise, directing a questioning gaze at the female vampire. "Esme, are you going to ride home with us?"

She smiled at Charlie and I wondered what was up with my emotions to make me feel depressed. "Actually, if Charlie would not mind driving me home later, I think that I would like to stay behind to talk a bit longer." She beamed at the obvious pleasure on my dad's face due to this declaration, so I just waved goodbye as I followed the Texan out the door.

Carlisle draped an arm around my waist as we walked down the steps. "Well, that went well." I just stayed silent and he noticed immediately, throwing a meaningful glance at the empath. "I think you and Alice should ride back with Emmett and Rose."

I sighed as I realized that I was going to be alone with the vampire. I really did not want to talk with him right now, which was odd since I had not been able to get close enough or spend enough time with him before. I was just not in a good mood after really thinking about the fact that perhaps Carlisle's feelings for me would not have been ones that he would have wanted, had he the choice. So I stared straight ahead as he started the car and peeled out of the drive, racing at a frightening speed through the streets. Normally, that would register in my mind, but as it was, I just stared blankly out my window. When he inquired as to what was wrong, I gave the answer that all men absolutely hated to hear: "Nothing."

Apparently, Carlisle Cullen was not an exception because he sighed in exasperation. "Obviously, Isabella, it is not 'nothing'. 'Nothing' does not rush over everyone like a tidal wave of heartbreak. Something happened while we were talking to your father, cara mia, and I wish to be aware of what it is. I could feel the sadness and pain and I do not understand why or where it came from."

"It doesn't matter, Carlisle," I sighed. "It's probably just hormones."

He inhaled sharply and I could see his eyes turn jet black and was not at all surprised. It was close to that time of month anyway and the events and stresses of the past few days would probably start it early anyway. "That is entirely beside the point, Isabella," he stated firmly. "There was obviously a trigger that caused those emotions. Please, m'amore, I cannot bear to see you in pain." He looked from me to the road as he pulled into the long drive then back to me. The gleaming onyx was filled with worry and pain. "Please," he begged.

I licked my lips as he pulled into the garage. "Why do you love me? I mean, why do you really love me?"

"Excuse me…"

I knew he was less than thrilled with me for questioning, but I had to know. I had to hear it from his own lips. "Why don't you love Esme? I mean, she's an amazing woman. Why did you never fall in love with her?"

"Vampires are completely incapable of loving anyone but their mate," he explained calmly, hope threaded in his voice that this would help relieve my sadness.

My gaze dropped to my lap as the tears I had been fighting trickled down my cheek. "So you really don't have a choice," I whispered.

There were a few moments of silence, broken by a long and soft sigh of 'Oh, Bella', and almost instantly we were in the house, where I was cradled in his arms as he sat on the couch rocking me gently.

When I was finally calm, he said tenderly, "Isabella, I want you to listen to me and listen to me carefully. Do you understand?" When I nodded, he purred. "Good girl." He kissed the crown of my head before continuing. "While it is true that my mind nor my heart chose you as my mate, that is because my soul already had." He nuzzled my temple and began purring his reassurance to help me relax. "Humans call it love at first sight — that instant spark that tells them that there is a connection. However, a human's perceptions of those connections are not as strong as a vampire's. A human may fall in love dozens of times before finding what they call their soulmate. It is very rare that a vampire is wrong about the connection they feel." He cupped my cheek and turned my head so I faced him. "Cara mia, m'amore. You are not my mate because fate randomly chose you. You are mate because my soul, in the exact instant that it came in contact with yours, recognized all of the beauty and intelligence and strength and passion and humor that is within you. Everything that makes you you, it felt within that first second, and it chose to bind itself to your soul."

I sniffled and looked at him with bleary eyes. "Really?" I asked pitifully. When he kissed my forehead and whispered 'really', I curled into his chest and fisted my hands in the soft cashmere of his gray sweater, letting him rock me gently to sleep. Before I drifted away, I whispered through a yawn, "I love you, Carlisle."

.

When I woke, I was surprised to find myself in Carlisle's bed and tucked neatly beneath the warm covers. "What time is it?" I murmured sleepily as I glanced around for a clock.

"It's seven after eight in the evening," my mate said from beside me, his voice sounding unusually harsh. "Esme talked Charlie into letting you stay the night. She is at his house at the present time. I warned her and the rest of the family that they needed to stay out of the house, at least until you were awake and…"

"And what?" I pressed as I rolled over to face him. I noticed two things instantly: Carlisle abruptly moved away from me and my thighs were sticky. "Shit!"

I had always wondered how this family of vampires handled being around me during these less than stellar moments of human biology. I had never worked up the courage to ask Edward because I knew that he would have found the subject distasteful because he was a prude. Now that I had nearly been attacked by Jasper, it really made me wonder. Had their family just stopped breathing around me all together during those times and I just had not noticed?

I had once been tempted to ask Carlisle but figured Edward would have been pissed off if he had ever found that out from his father's mind. I mean, being a physician for nearly two hundred years, I was fairly certainly that he was around menstruating females quite often, between dealing with female coworkers and patients of the small towns they would have lived in. Although from the tension he seemed to be exuding now, I was beginning to think that not asking was the right choice. I knew he was tempted by the blood in my veins but was my menstrual blood so revolting that he had to move away from me? Perhaps that was what had kept the others from attacking me during my period.

"When you started bleeding, I carried you up here and placed you on the towel. I tried to keep you as clean as possible," he said through gritted teeth, obviously trying not to breathe now. "I had Alice bring your things. They are in the bathroom."

He would not look at me, and for the first time since being told we were mates, I was ashamed of being human. "Sorry," I mumbled, rolling over and bringing the towel with me to clean myself up a bit before I stood. "Next month, I'll make sure to stay away. Sorry."

He laughed a self-deprecating laugh that shocked me. "Bella mia, you have nothing to apologize for. You are human and—"

"Yeah, thanks for reminding me!" I practically growled, snapping the towel angrily as I stood up. "I'm sorry. I didn't realize it would come this early and if I had, and I knew that it was this disgusting to you, I would have stayed at home. So I'm sorry! I thought you of all people, Doctor Cullen, would have been the least repulsed by your mate." I did not bother to wait for a retort and stormed into the bathroom, slamming the door behind me so hard that it shook the mirror. I grabbed a super-plus tampon — I found them far more sanitary to use at night than pads — from the box sitting on the sink and took a moment to actually use the toilet. I cleaned the blood away at the same time and flushed away the red-soaked paper. Once I finished and had thrown away the applicator, I just stared straight ahead for a moment before bursting into tears.

I had never been so humiliated in my life.

.

TBC

In the words of Bob Ross:

Just let go and fall like a little waterfall.