TWELVE

I always wondered if my menstrual cycle was hard on the family. Now, I knew it was, but for a completely different reason. I knew that menstrual blood had some dead tissues in it but was it so disgusting that it overpowered the scent of the blood? I suppose it had to be for my mate to move away from me so suddenly and that was what really surprised me. Carlisle had seemed to be so drawn to my actual blood, I would have thought this would have been, at the very least, an intriguing possibility for him. Instead, he had all but jumped off the bed when I had rolled toward him. He had rejected me, his mate, and I was humiliated and heartbroken.

Feeling shamed and dejected, I slowly pushed to my feet and walked to the door. I just wanted to go home, curl up in my bed, and never come out of my room again. I wondered if I could convince Charlie that I was too sick to go to school tomorrow because there was no way that I could face Jessica and Lauren knowing that Carlisle rejected me.

I opened the door to see a pale chest in front of me and dropped my head. "I… I think that maybe you'd better take me back to Charlie's for tonight."

"Bella, please look at me," he queried.

I shook my head. I couldn't. I knew that he was upset for having hurt me, for having let me see his revulsion, but I just could not bring myself to look at him. "Carlisle, I'm really sorry. I thought… I always thought it would be hard on your family, and now you, but I didn't realize that it was difficult because it's so disgusting to you."

"Cara, please," he begged, his cool fingers sliding across my cheek gently but firmly. He tipped my head and it took everything I had to look into those black eyes. They were still black? The last time that he had hunted was Tuesday night, which under normal circumstances would not have been a problem. Taking into consideration the whirlwind events of the past few days, I was worried about him. As if reading my thoughts, he whispered harshly, "For the first time in almost two centuries, la mia, I feel as though I shall surely die of thirst." One hand trailed down to my hip and his eyes followed a similar path. He took a painful-sounding deep breath before releasing it with a violent shudder. "It saddens me to know that I have caused you this pain."

I tried to shrug. "You can't help how you react to my blood, Carlisle."

When I attempted to side-step him, he blocked me. "You are right, bella mia. I cannot help my instincts but I should have endeavored to keep my promise and not deny those instincts to you, especially not when you have been so open and accepting of the darkest parts of my nature."

My lips parted in a surprised O. It almost immediately occurred to me that, had I been thinking straight, I would not have misinterpreted his behavior. "Carlisle…" I took a step forward, only to feel the sting of rejection a second time when he stepped back. I ducked my head to hide my tears, mumbling morosely, "Take me home, Carlisle."

"No."

I blinked up at him, instantly feeling my mood switch from self-pity to bitchy in under a second. "Excuse me?"

"I… said… no." With every growled word, he took a step towards me, pushing me farther into the brilliant white bathroom.

I began shaking in anger and humiliation. "Damnit, Carlisle! I don't want to be here when you obviously don't want to be around me!"

He slammed me back into one of the pillars so hard that it almost knocked the breath out of me. "Do you honestly think, for even a single moment, that I do not want you near me?"

I snarled as loudly as I could for a human. "You moved away. Twice. You denied me. Twice. You rejected me. Twice!" Angry tears were rolling down my cheeks by this point but I no longer cared. "I thought it was because I disgusted you. As much as it hurt to know that you were repulsed by my scent, it was much better than knowing that after everything I have gone through, that we have gone through together, you still don't trust me enough to be yourself." I glared at him and spat out, "Fuck you, Carlisle!"

He roared furiously at me, apparently not liking my questioning his thoughts and feelings for me again, and lunged for my throat to sink his sharp teeth deep into the vein. It was a dominant action meant to subdue and possess and I hated my body for responding so well to him as he sucked on the wound deeply and drank in his venom and my blood. He removed his lips from my neck before licking the edges together. When he released me, his voice sounded pained. "Do you have any idea how disgusted I am with myself, Isabella?"

Oh, not this again! I felt like hopping up and down like a rabid rabbit and screaming how ridiculous he was being. Knowing it would get me nowhere, I simply leveled him with an intense gaze and quietly asked, "Why?"

"It is not at all appropriate," he responded, looking down at the porcelain tiles in shame.

"Why?" I re-questioned. "Because it comes out of my vagina?"

Crude, yes. To the point, most definitely.

"Bella," he said in a strained voice, "while your body is not losing large amounts of blood, it is losing all of the increased nutrients and the hormones that helped prepare your body to create life, and unlike taking blood from your veins and allowing your body time to regenerate the blood, you are continually losing it and your body cannot regenerate it that fast. It is why your body stays tired. You also experience pain from your body ejecting the endometrial lining, so it is not appropriate for me to take advantage of your depleted state, no matter how much I may desire to do so."

"Why?" I repeated for the third time, feeling very much like a child attempting to play fifty questions. "It's not like your warped sense of chivalry is going to stop my body from pouring it out!" When his head snapped up at my flippant tone, his dark eyes wide, I shrugged. "Seriously, Carlisle. What is your restraint possibly going to do to stop it or to make me feel better?"

He growled low in his chest and pinched the bridge of his nose, and I briefly ponder if vampires could get headaches. "Cara mia, I only meant that it would be quite unfair of me to take pleasure in your menstruation when it is something that places stress on both your body and emotions."

I huffed at him. "That's what this is all about? Couldn't you have just slapped your hand over my mouth five minutes ago and said that?" I rolled my eyes and poked the center of his chest with my finger. "You should have told me immediately. I understand that you feel like you would be taking advantage of me, but you wouldn't be. I know that you feel ashamed, though why I still don't quite understand." I stood up on tip-toe to stare him directly in the eye. "I am your mate! You should have told me what you were thinking and feeling and actually taken the time to get my opinion. Never do that again, Carlisle Cullen. Do you understand me?"

I stepped back, surprised by my little rant. But if I was shocked, that was nothing compared to the expression on Carlisle's face. His mouth hung open slightly as he gaped at me. He looked absolutely flabbergasted, and I felt slightly pleased that I had been the one to finally leave Carlisle Cullen entirely speechless. He closed his mouth, only to have it fall open again, and this process was repeated several times before he shook his head as if he were trying to bring himself back to reality. "I…"

I smiled brightly. "Just say yes, Carlisle."

"…Yes?"

Even though it was a question and not a statement, I accepted it. Carlisle had never spent enough time with me in the past to deal with my sudden mood swings. I was sure that this was quite confusing and more than frustrating for my mate. "Can you do me a favor?" I asked sweetly, as though we had not just had a nasty head-to-head a few moments ago. "Can you start me a nice hot bath? I'm going to get some chocolate ice cream!"

The vampire blinked. "Yes?"

Poor Carlisle. I almost felt bad for letting him deal with the brunt of my erratic emotions without having ever prepared him for them. As an apology for my rather disturbing manners, I cupped his jaw and pressed a gentle kiss to his lips. "I am sorry for my behavior. I do love you, Carlisle."

I had just made it to the door when I was attacked from behind, my mate obviously having recovered for him shock. I felt him nuzzle my hair and the purr building inside of him, before hearing the low sound burst from his throat.

"Perdonami… Ho sbagliato," he whispered through the rumble. "I am sorry, m'amore. How often I forget that you are the most accepting and loving woman that I have ever met in all my centuries. Please, forgive me, la mia…"

I turned in his embrace and wrapped my arms around him. I threaded my fingers through his blond hair and pulled him in for a tender kiss. Despite my instincts to do otherwise, I forced myself to keep my eyes open, allowing him to see the depth of my love and adoration of him as I put all of the warm emotions of my heart into the kiss. After a moment, the pain and sadness faded from the blackness of his eyes and lit up with the most intense love and desire. I smiled against his lips and drew away slowly. "Are you feeling better?"

He smirked as he began stroking my lower back, and I groaned in both pleasure and relief. "Aside from wanting to do sinfully mouth-watering things with your body, yes. I could ask the same about you." He titled his head in concern. "Are you in any pain?"

I shook my head. "Not too much, no." I grinned playfully. "I still need that hot bath though… and chocolate."

To his credit, my mate stayed out of my way while I bathed. After I climbed into bed, he had simply pulled me into his arms and held me in complete silence, as a myriad of thoughts and questions went through my head. But before I pelted him with my curiosity, I felt that I owed him something important.

"I'm sorry, Carlisle," I whispered silently, thankful that he did not ask why. I was sure he knew why and was quietly allowing me to express my feelings without adding the burden of guilt that he knew I would feel if he had asked. "I can get a bit emotional sometimes, but never this bad. I just feel overwhelmed right now. While I do not, in any way, regret learning that I am your mate and starting the mating process with you, I did just find all of this out on Tuesday... and it's not even Friday yet! But that still doesn't make my questioning you right nor throwing a tantrum. I truly am sorry, Carlisle." He kissed the top of my head in response, and I sighed heavily and turned my face to look into his still black eyes. Apparently, his desire for my blood was exceptionally strong at the present time. "Will it… will it hurt you if I move closer? I know it's already uncomfortable and I don't want to make it worse."

He chuckled and quickly turned me over before pulling me flush against his body. I could feel the coolness of his marbled chest through his shirt, which I was wearing. "The discomfort that I feel, bella mia, is not like you imagine it to be. Bloodlust for vampires is physically painful, yes. But you must remember, m'amore, that aside from you, I have never tasted human blood. You must also remember that your blood is different because you are my mate. Drinking your blood does not inspire in me the typical bloodlust we experience when we do not feed. The lust I have for your blood is more like a desperate craving for a favored dessert. The desire I have for your blood is simply that: it is a desire, not a need. As disappointed as I would be, as much as I would miss your exquisite taste, I could, in fact, survive without drinking from you ever again, despite my previous statements otherwise. I would just be very disheartened because you, la mia, are absolutely exquisite to feast upon."

I felt my cheeks heating up with a dark blush, which resulted in a low purr beginning deep in his chest. "May I ask you a question? I'm, well... frankly, I'm just curious. But if it's going to upset you then I don't need to know. It's rather personal."

He kissed the tip of my nose and stroked my lower back firmly, working out the knots that tended to accompany my annoying, monthly visitor. "You may ask anything you wish, cara."

I licked my lips and took a deep breath. "How has your family dealt with my period in the past?"

"Ah…" His lips twitched with slight bemusement and surprise — I guessed he was not expecting that particular question. "We have all handled it differently. Jasper, of course, has had the worst time and the best time." At my confusion, he chortled. "Let me see if I can explain this, mia passerotta… While blood is blood, your menstrual blood is vastly different in the fact that it has a far higher concentration of nutrients and hormones. This makes the actual blood far more desirable at the beginning of your period, when the blood is fresher. Through your entire period, there is obviously dead endometrial tissue within the blood, but at the beginning of your menstruation, it is not as old and therefore the scent of the dead tissue is not as strong. Toward the end of your period, the tissues are much older, more decayed, and therefore the scent and taste of the dead tissue are much stronger so your blood is then… not as appealing."

"So in other words," I said with a smirk, "at the beginning of my period, everyone wants to kill me, and in the end, I smell like the dead?"

He laughed and nuzzled my neck for a moment, giving a quick lick to the bruise that I was sincerely beginning to doubt would ever leave. I was fairly certain that he liked seeing that mark and would attempt to make as noticeable a mark when I was changed. "It is not quite like that, m'uzzola… I do not wish to embarrass you, but it is quite difficult for all of us," he explained.

"Aside from myself, the family does have a small amount of difficulty when it comes to all menstruating females due to the level of hormones in the blood. By and large, they handle it quite well with very controlled breathing. And thankfully, it seems most females your age prefer using tampons over napkins. It contains the blood instead of allowing it to leak out, which helps a little. Not too much, mind you, but a little. And of course, as you have known from the beginning, your blood seems to be more desirable than most humans."

He smiled tenderly. "At the beginning of your periods, you are quite desirable to all of us, but having been human at one point in time, Esme, Alice, and Rosalie feel so sympathetic to your suffering that they very easily restrain their instincts. And the males…"

He bit into his lower lip, a sure sign that he was blushing, and gazed above my head while gathering his thoughts before looking at me with reflective eyes. "Edward is, as you are well aware, very repressed. He does not handle the idea of your menstruation well. However, due to you being his singer, it makes it very difficult and he uses all of his strength to act as though the events of your biology do not occur at all for what he believes is propriety's sake. While Emmett does enjoy shocking people with his crude language and behavior, he has a surprisingly pure and child-like soul. When it comes to your menstruation, he handles it the best amongst the males. Though he is drawn to the scent of your blood, he loves and respects you enough that he chooses, quite simply, to ignore it, though not in the way Edward does. Edward just blatantly disregards it all together. He is like a child that sticks his fingers in his ears, closes his eyes, and sings ridiculously loud so as not to accept it. Emmett acknowledges it then continues on as though there is no difference."

He paused, and I could tell that he was hesitating, trying to decide if he really wanted to continue on with the rest of his explanation. As always, he sighed heavily in resignation and went with admitting the true. "Jasper… At the beginning of your menstruations, Jasper has as much difficulty as I, though obviously in a different and dangerous way. The first time he ever came in contact with you during one of your periods, Alice and Emmett had to physically remove him as discreetly as they possibly could from the school. Even when he was out of your range, he still had great difficulty. When they brought him home, I noticed that he breathed as little as possible. Within an eighteen-hour span, he only took twelve breaths. But as much as he craves your blood at the beginning, by the end, he is—" he gave me a very apologetic look— "both relieved and put off.

"You see, Jasper drank human blood for well over a century," Carlisle explained, "so he is incredibly sensitive to blood, not just bloodlust. Of all of us, myself included, he can most easily detect the slightest change of hormone levels, manufactured chemicals in the bloodstream… The rest of us are not quite as affected by the scent from the amounts of dead tissue at the end of your period, as the scents from your arterial and venous blood help mask it slightly. Jasper, however, does not have that luxury. He is too much of a gentleman to say or show it but he is…"

"Horribly repulsed by my menstrual blood in the last couple of days?"

"Yes, mia passerotta," he said softly. "I am sorry. I do not wish to offend you or hurt your feelings."

I laughed. "I have to admit that I was rather offended earlier but now that you've explained, I feel much better about it." I sighed contentedly and wrapped my arms around his neck. "If it will bother you then feel free to ignore this but what about you?" I flushed again as I spoke. "I mean, it's obvious that… I mean..."

"M'amore," he cooed lovingly as he caressed my cheek with his thumb. Though his eyes were black with arousal, they gazed at me with breath-taking adoration and overwhelming love. "Your menstrual blood is exceedingly special to me. It is the sweetest and most heavenly ambrosia that you could gift me with. This is the blood that allows you to create life. It is truly sacred, cara mia…"

His eyes took in my stunned expression and gave me one of the most tender and loving smiles that I had ever seen. "Mia cuore… mia vita… There is something I wish to know, if you would permit me to ask." The tone of his velvety voice was so reverent that I did not trust myself to speak, and simply nodded. He seemed to understand, and after pressing a kiss to my forehead, he stared deeply into my eyes. "Earlier, after saying that I would not be taking advantage of your condition, you informed me that I should consider your opinion and you seemed quite distraught at the idea that I would not wish to drink from you at this time." He placed his lips against my ear and whispered so softly, "Answer me honestly, Isabella. Are you hoping that I would drink from you so intimately?"

I stopped breathing for a moment, my heart racing as he purred in my ear, and when my lungs finally regained their function, I spoke. "Yes, Carlisle."

The quiet rumble grew in volume as he nuzzled me. "Would you grant me the greatest honor that you could ever permit me and allow me to partake of the divine nectar of your body, bella mia?"

"Yes."

.

TBC

In the words of Bob Ross:

It's life. It's interesting. It's fun.