Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of its characters.

Warning: child abuse and bullying (mostly mentions of it), some dark themes, too much fluffiness sometimes. A real rollercoaster (or, at least, it's supposed to be).

Author's note:

So, guys, a new chapter. This one took me awhile, since I rewrote it at least four times before being mildly satisfied with the result. I think this one shows Kumi's feelings a bit more toward the possible future he wants to have.

Anyway! Some people have been asking me about Shikamaru, his birth and whatnot. Well, I won't say anything. Really. I know some people don't like to be taken by surprise – after all, there could be a male pregnancy involved some way – but I won't put up any warnings.

I mean, this could go in many ways – Yoshino can be in the story, there can be a male pregnancy, there can be a surrogate mother, who knows? And before someone prances around about previous warnings, I think it's silly to be so mad about things like that. I mean, it's like putting up in the summary things such as "Character Death". Why should I warn you about such an important element of the story? Shikamaru's birth is as important as who's gonna live and who's gonna die. So, yeah, I won't tell you guys anything until it's time, sorry.

After my monologue, I hope you enjoy the chapter.

(Funny thing you'll understand by the end: I actually like Kushina.)

All Things Are Difficult Before They Are Easy

By Amaryllis D. Namikaze

Chapter VII:

The Resentment

"Oh, darling, don't be bitter. It's the first instinct of the weak."

Sarah Dessen

"Just for the record, the weather today is bitter with occasional fits of jealous rage."

Chuck Palahniuk

I was not panicking.

I mean, there was no reason to panic, was there? I knew exactly what happened when Kushina was kidnapped. Despite the fogginess of my first life's memories, I was aware of what Minato would do to save the red-haired girl. So, no, I wasn't panicking.

I was terrified – no matter what I told myself.

For a moment, I thought it would be easy to accept Minato's decision to save Kushina. He was destined to be one of the strongest people in this world – surely, it would be simple to understand his actions and wait for his arrival. Nevertheless, it was not. He was my brother and my last living family. I could not help but worry and ponder over the possibilities.

What if he got hurt? What if the kidnappers were stronger than they were in the anime? What if the kidnappers weren't even the same ones?

My heart was beating so hard against my ribcage it might as well have flown away. I was gasping for air – and it sounded silly, because I knew Minato would be okay. I knew Minato would come back later this night and grin widely at me, saying something stupid about training or whatever.

I got up from the ground, noticing that my knees had given up at the sudden realization of Minato's disappearing act. Before I even thought about, I was going to the Nara district, Chitarō's words ringing in head.

Don't try to do everything alone.

I never reached the Nara district. Actually, I found Jiraiya hastily jumping from roof to roof and the sole reason I noticed the white blur was because Minato had been showing me ways of sensing chakra for the past few weeks. Most of the time, I ignored my new ability, since understanding other people's layers was more bothersome than not.

"Jiraya-sensei!" I called, loud enough to be heard in the quiet night. The majority of Konoha was already asleep, as it was too late to be awake. The only sounds around us came from the bars and the only lights came from the street lamps strategically positioned.

The tallest Sannin stopped on his tracks, peering down at my small form. Rolling my eyes, I escalated the wall and stood on the same rooftop as him.

"Hm, you already know the tree climbing exercise? I gotta admit it, I'm impressed, Younger Brat," he commented, grinning wolfishly. I frowned, simply because it was obvious he was hiding something.

'Something'.

"I've known it since I was seven, Jiraiya-sensei," I told him – not arrogantly, just exasperated. "Have you seen Minato?"

I could see that he was taken aback by my abruptness and by my use of Minato's name. I was usually much more quiet and shy, but I didn't feel quiet and shy right now. Just incredibly worried and a tad annoyed at my brother's complete disregard of his own safety.

Jiraiya looked away and I would not have seen it if the moon wasn't lighting up the scenery around us.

"Well?"

"Tsk," he clicked his tongue, turning his eyes back to me, not exactly disapproving, but certainly not happy. "One of his friends got kidnapped and he went after her."

I narrowed my eyes, "Which friend? And who's the kidnapper?"

It wasn't as if I should know this already, after all.

He sighed, putting his giant hand – it was like a bear paw, seriously – over my head.

"You shouldn't trouble yourself over it – your brother will be back by today's morning," Jiraiya assured me. For a pervert, he was very good with kids, I must admit.

Wait. Not that I was kid.

"I'm always worried," I replied, crossing my arms over my chest and probably utterly failing at looking nonchalant and/or intimidating. "Over a lot of things, for many reasons."

The Toad Sannin laughed and it felt as if the entire rooftop was shaking. Then, suddenly, he stopped. His eyes shone with curiosity.

"Say, kid, how did you see me running over here? It's too dark and I was racing too fast for an Academy student's eyes," he questioned, sounding genuinely curious.

Jiraiya was a new constant in my life – he was always checking up on his students, especially Minato. Both of us were orphans, while Hizashi and Fugaku had entire clans to back them up. Not to mention that my brother was the Sannin's favorite, even if a teacher shouldn't play favorites.

Since I lived with my brother, it was a given that Jiraiya would get used to my presence.

I shrugged, disinterested, "Onii-chan taught me how to sense chakra."

He looked at me oddly and I returned his stare, unamused.

"I was hiding my chakra," Jiraiya said and I couldn't tell what his tone meant.

Once again, I shrugged. Honestly, it didn't matter to me if I could sense him or not when he was hiding his chakra signature. Ever since my older brother had given me tips how to sense other people, everyone started feeling funny. It was as if each person became a light bulb of a different color every time I concentrated on his or her life energy.

When I first came into this world, chakra had been the strangest thing ever. It was in the very air I breathed as well as flowing through my body like blood. I was so good at controlling it simply because it hadn't been there before. The same principle applied to sensing other people – once you knew their chakra signatures, it was hard to ignore it. A good sensor, Minato had told me, can even tell if someone is lying simply by feeling his or her chakra waves.

I was going to say this – well, perhaps not all this – to my brother's teacher, but a strange feeling made me freeze. I turned my eyes to Jiraiya, noticing how his body tensed and his knees bended, as if preparing to jump. I gasped, clutching at my shirt.

It felt like I was choking!

"Kumi, stop your sensorial ability!" Jiraiya ordered sharply, too tense to bother sounding nice and polite. I tried to nod, but it felt as if someone had gripped my heart in their hands and was squeezing it.

Minato had warned me about it when he first taught me how to sense chakra. He said that while very useful, being a sensor could be deadly if you didn't learn how to survive under killing intent or malicious signatures.

"It's great being able to feel where everybody and everything is," he had told me, looking as serious as an eleven-year-old boy could look. "However, weak or amateur sensors should proceed with caution."

When I asked why, he simply told me, "Not everything out there is meant to be felt."

My legs gave out under me and I wondered where my strength had gone. I needed to breathe – I needed air!

Stop

Choking

Me!

I felt deep inside myself, searching around my panicking chakra pathways and reaching the bottom of my stomach. My chakra was roaring and hiding at the same time, trying to dispose of whatever energy was suppressing me, but also too afraid to comprehend what was happening.

Each sensor had their own way of sensing chakra. Natural sensors had it easy: they could feel it simply by standing still and feeling. Most people, however, had to develop a way. Minato placed his finger on the ground, trying to connect with nature and the life it brought. I, on the other hand, managed to sense others by creating what could only be described as a chakra field – I wore it as one would wear a cloak. Which made it easier to overwhelm me.

With a deep sigh, I closed my eyes, willing myself to calm down. Like a snake, the chakra I was using to sense others recoiled back and quieted down inside my very being. It felt good to breathe again.

"You okay, kid?" Jiraiya asked me, reminding me of his presence. Despite my pathetic state, he had stood tall, observing the houses with narrowed eyes. I wonder what he saw. I wonder if he saw anything at all. Everything seemed eerily calm.

"Yes," I answered, not confident in my reply. My hands were shaking and I had to grip my knees to be able to stand. "What was that?"

When Jiraiya replied, there was something in his voice that I couldn't put my finger on. It sounded like disapproval, but not at me.

"Minato's decision to teach you how to sense chakra was a stupid one," he said, for once, not praising my brother's intellect as everybody did. "You do not teach someone who has never felt killing intent before how to sense chakra. You're lucky to be sane right now."

My face was burning and I am sure it was as red as Jiraiya's clothing.

"Hm," I made, trying not to look too embarrassed and utterly failing by my companion's stare. "Did you see the person releasing this killing intent?"

Jiraiya shook his head, "It's too dark and I'm crap at sensing chakra, really."

He paused.

"I'd tell you to do your trick again, but Minato would kill me if something happened to you," the Sannin admitted after contemplating the possibility for a few seconds.

I tried not to roll my eyes, in spite of the situation.

"Onii-chan is overprotective and paranoid. You'd think people were out to get or something."

It's not like I was the heir to an important clan, like Kihito or Tsume, or had special abilities, such as the Sharingan or the Byakugan. Not to mention that most kidnappers never went for the biggest prize, since it was usually the most guarded. Take the Sarutobi family, for example. If you wanted to hit them where it hurt the most, you'd never try and kidnap Kihito, but his one-year-old brother, Asuma, instead. It would be far easier and equally devastating.

I paused my train of thoughts.

It was dark. We were away from the Main Street and closer to the clans' compounds. My apartment was closer to the outskirts of Konoha than my old house, which was fine, since the Hokage Tower wasn't exactly in the middle of the village.

I recalled the sensation of choking I had felt a few minutes earlier – tried to remember what the person's chakra had told me. A sense of dread filled me and I inhaled, trying to keep myself calm. It would do no good to thing about the terror I had felt.

Kill.

Kill.

KILL!

"Jiraiya-sensei," I called him, my voice sounding flat. "Did you feel the killing intent too?"

Puzzled, he stared down at me. It felt weird to stand beside him in this room, knowing that my brother was somewhere outside Konoha without his teacher. It felt weird to be so reassured by the fact that Jiraiya looked calm despite everything.

I wondered if what I was about to tell him was going to take this calmness away.

"I think the kidnappers my brother went after weren't the only ones."

It made sense. If I had been the one responsible for kidnapping important targets, I would do it all in the same night – if one of the attempts didn't work, at least it worked as a diversion.

"And I'm pretty sure they are after Uchiha Mikoto."

Because the person's chakra had wrapped around my neck like a hand and dragged me through the pits of fear. Had let their longs fingers curl around my thin neck and pull it toward whatever direction they had been heading.

The Uchiha compound.

You had to hit where it hurt the most, after all – not the heir, but the closest to it.

I felt useless.

I was nine, yes, but had spent the last three years training like crazy to be better than I was the day before. Except for my exceptional ability in anything that involved chakra, I was pretty much average in everything else. I wasn't creative enough to make good traps or illusions, my barely-there sealing ability was far from applicable in battle and my hand-to-hand combat was a work in progress.

Still, it felt horrible to sit on a couch inside the Hokage Tower and wait for Jiraiya and my brother's return.

"Would you like tea, Kumi-kun?" the Hokage questioned me, kindly.

Not any couch, though. The village leader's couch.

"I do not wish to be a burden, Hokage-sama," I replied, politely. It was one a.m. If the Hokage usually stayed up so late, I was glad my dream wasn't to become one.

He smiled at me, comprehensive. I had seen him from afar a few times – apparently, the Hokage liked to take strolls around the village and chatting with people – but had been in his office only once, after my mother's death. As it was, he was the official guardian of all orphans who lived alone. Since my brother hadn't been a Genin when Mom died, we received some money from the Orphan's Fund every month. Now, however, we had to rely on our parents' inheritance and Minato's paycheck. It was tough, but we managed.

Sarutobi Hiruzen was the typical Fire Country citizen: dark eyes, brown hair, tanned skin. Kihito's face looked a lot like his, except my friend's skin was lighter and his chin rounder. Looking at my leader's kind smile it was hard to believe that a hardened-by-war ninja lay underneath.

"I find tea quite calming," he said.

Quietly, I accepted the cup from his slightly wrinkled hands (eh, how old was he now, anyway?). It was obvious he wouldn't leave me be. It was simpler to drink the freaking tea. I brought it to my lips and was unexpectedly surprised by how much better the lukewarm liquid made me feel.

My surprise must have shown in my face, for the Hokage laughed softly.

"Hokage-sama," I called, wondering if my question was too intrusive. "Is this situation normal? Kidnapping important children, I mean."

He stopped writing on whatever document and looked up. I saw that my question caught him unprepared.

"How old are you right now, Kumi-kun?" Hokage-sama questioned me instead of answering.

"Nine, sir."

The Hokage twisted his lips in an understanding smile, "I see. Well, I must admit that many people try to abduct Konoha's future generation for whichever reasons they may. Until now, no major village has succeeded."

I noticed how he purposely said no major village as opposed to just no one. Sneaky man – not lying to a kid, but not being truthful.

A knock captured our attention and my brother entered the office after a quiet "You may come in" from the village's leader. My eyes immediately searched for signs of an injury, but the only things my brother sported were scratches and a few twigs in his hair.

"Mii-chan?" Minato exclaimed, surprised by my presence. "Did something happen? Are you okay?"

Funny question, you dolt, I thought, not really angry at him. His obviously fine appearance made any annoyance slip away from me. I turned my eyes to the girl beside my brother, noticing her much more disheveled hair and dirtied clothes. Her steel-gray eyes found mine and I looked away.

Uzumaki Kushina was officially entering my older brother's life, I concluded. A part of me wanted to rage at her – she was the one responsible for Naruto's birth, which meant that she was responsible for my brother's death. She was the reason my brother could possibly die a few years from now.

Except she was not. Not really.

It takes two to fall in love and create a tiny new life. Minato was going to love this incredibly redheaded girl in front of me sometime in the future – love her enough to sacrifice his life for their child. Moreover, I was going to be a minus somewhere in the equation, because I had nothing to do with it. Because I shouldn't even exist.

"Mii-chan?" A voice murmured before me. Minato was crouching in front of my still figure, his bigger hand touching my skinny knee.

To my horror, I felt tears gathering in my eyes.

"Baby brother, what happened?" Minato questioned, having not called me that way ever since Dad died.

I shook my head, feeling his arms circling my frame and bringing me to his chest. I hadn't noticed how much Minato had grown this past year, so I was surprised by how suddenly broad his shoulders felt. How tall was he right now? Had he already reached the one-meter and a half mark?

"Your brother was worried about you, Minato-kun," the Hokage explained – bless his soul – since I was too busy trying not to burst into tears. I gulped, determined not to look like a spluttering baby in the middle of the Hokage's office.

Minato gripped me tighter, his hands large enough to cover the back of my head.

"I'm sorry for leaving without warning," he said quietly, for my ears only. "I rushed without thinking."

You never rush in without thinking, I wanted to protest, but I concentrated on not sobbing. Minato was a worrier, so he never forgot to think twice before starting something. Nevertheless, he had, because Kushina was involved and he had a silly crush on her already. Even if he wasn't aware of it yet. Even if this silly crush would become overwhelming love. Even though his hands were hugging me now, they would be hugging her in the future – her dying form, her newborn son, her warm body.

I inhaled, forcing myself to calm much like half an hour before when the killing intent hit me like a tsunami. Minato was my most precious person in the world, but this did not necessarily mean that I was his – perhaps now, but not in the future, when he built a family of his own. And where would the years bring me? Where would I fit?

A sudden peacefulness washed over me. No – not peacefulness. My entire being was still bubbling with burning bitterness and ugly jealously, but my mind was clear. I was training to be a ninja to save my brother. To save the life he was supposed to live. To save the future he was supposed to have. To save the family he was supposed to live for.

Even if this meant not being part of it.

"It's nice to meet you," Uzumaki Kushina introduced herself to my a few minutes later, when I finally calmed down.

She looked the same as a couple of years ago – stubborn chin, determined steel-gray eyes and fire-red hair. Her frame was at least twenty centimeters taller than mine was which irritated me less than I thought it would. Her features came together to form a very pretty face.

I shook her hand and was surprised by how controlled I sounded when I said that yes, it's nice to meet you too and yes, I'm Minato's little brother, Kumi. My tongue felt as dry as a desert inside my mouth and my heart felt as if it could stop at any moment, but my brain was working non-stop.

This girl was going to be my sister-in-law. She hadn't done anything to warrant my hatred. I was being silly. I was being childish. I was being stupid. I was being irrational.

Still, who said that jealously was a rational feeling?

"You're so cute, 'ttebane!" Kushina exclaimed, pinching my cheeks.

I blushed, more annoyed than anything. Minato scratched his head, embarrassed.

I gulped down the negative feelings, determined to make this work. I was sure that this girl was going to enter our daily lives from now on and it would be a headache to be left feeling bitter all the time.

I was eternally grateful when Jiraiya-sensei brought an unharmed and scared Mikoto back. The kidnappers – another team of Kumo Chūnin – hadn't gotten far before being caught by the Toad Sannin. The night was closed with the Hokage accompanying my best girl friend back to her house, where the situation would be explained to her parents (had they even noticed her disappearance, I wondered).

Likewise, Jiraiya bade his goodbye, shouting something or another about researching early in the morning and parting with a body-flicker technique that left the office smelling of smoke.

Minato turned to me, offering his hand, and I took it, grateful for the attention.

"We'll take Kushina home first, okay?" He said, ruffling my hair. I huffed, though it was taken as a bratty response to the ruffle instead of just dismissal at his phrase.

The redhead filled the silence during the entire walk. Her voice was loud, not mindful at all of the people sleeping inside their houses. Minato laughed in his quiet way sometimes, but I kept to myself.

It was the first time I wondered if I wanted to save Minato's future instead of just his life.