Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of its characters.

Warning: child abuse and bullying (mostly mentions of it), some dark themes, too much fluffiness sometimes. A real rollercoaster (or, at least, it's supposed to be).

Author's note:

So, this one took me awhile longer, but I bring good news, guys! First, I passed my entrance exams, which means that next March I'll enter university and study Law - oh yeah, baby! I only have to finish my senior year right now, so I have a lot more of free time to write.

YAY!

The second thing I have to say is: someday this month I'll post another SI/OC story (it won't yaoi, though, sorry), so pay attention, guys!

And, at last - I was really happy with your reviews! There were so many, it made me excited. I love your positive comments, seriously. I hope you guys like this chapter too.

(Minato appears a lot more in this chapter, yay! And, seriously, I like Kushina. No kidding.)

All The Things Are Difficult Before They Are

By Amaryllis D. Namikaze

Chapter IX:

The Reminder

"It's funny how we feel so much but we cannot say a word
We are screaming inside, but we can't be heard."

- "I Will Remember You" by Sarah McLachlan

"Ne, Kumi," Minato started, all too cheerful, "Did your Genin-sensei just tell me that you've been practicing one of the most dangerous shinobi arts with no supervision whatsoever for a few years now?"

More than a little wary - my older brother never called me by my entire name, much less in this I'm-going-to-kill-you-and-your-kids-in-your-sleep tone - I nodded. Ok. So, maybe, I wasn't half as smart as I liked to think I was. And it was kind of arrogant of me to think that when I arrived in this world with my sixteen-year-old mentality I was capable of grand changes.

Somehow, I didn't seem very mature anymore while desperately avoiding my brother's stern gaze. Minato was a great kid, always smiling and cracking (terrible) jokes to break a tense atmosphere. It's just that, sometimes, I forgot how scary he could be when he got mad. I had only seen it a couple of times, not only because he often tried to be as perfect as possible, but also because Minato was simply too diplomatic to seek conflict through direct confrontation.

"I'm disappointed in you," Minato told me, his sapphire-blue eyes narrowed in reprehension.

Something inside me deflated. Ever since our parents died, one after another, my brother had become my official guardian and didn't hold back on taking care of me. I frequently felt guilty for making Minato take such a big responsibility so early in his life and tried to be as good as possible. Obviously, I hadn't done very well.

As always.

"I thought you'd know better than to go and try something as potentially dangerous as this while alone," he sighed. I bit my lip, observing his tired expression. Damn. Now I felt even guiltier. I knew that Minato was practicing hard to enter the Chūnin Exams. He didn't need another thing on his plate right now.

Sakumo-sensei patted my shoulder softly, taking extra care not to put too much weight on it with his big hands. He bowed his head in goodbye to my brother and told me to meet him in the team's training ground eight o'clock tomorrow morning. In a swirl of leaves and dust, gone he was.

I looked up, feeling my cheeks burn in shame.

"I'm sorry, Onii-chan," I said with as much sincerity as I could gather.

Minato stood up, walked around the table and bended his knees and back to look me in the eyes. I could see myself reflected on them and my expression was a tad disheartened and a lot apologetic.

"Kumi, you're my baby brother," he told, not exactly saying what I expected him to. "You've been training hard to be a shinobi and I acknowledge this with all my heart. This doesn't mean that something inside my head won't always tell me how small and fragile you are every time I look at you."

I blinked, confused. Did I even look that tiny to other people? My arms and legs were kind of breakable, but surely not that much. Everything about this body of mine seemed small and compact, but not unhealthy as my first body seemed. I could run and jump and stretch. It was more than I could before.

Minato poked my temple, gaining my attention back.

"But I promised you I'd help you, didn't I? That's why I want you to tell me when you're doing something classified as dangerous or harmful - so I can protect you."

He paused.

"Do you understand?"

Speechless, I nodded.

"A verbal answer this time, Kumi. A promise even, if you will."

I hesitated, my forehead wrinkling briefly. I wanted to reassure Minato about his worries, but I didn't want to break any promise later on when times would get rougher due to the future timeline.

"Mii-chan?"

The silly nickname completely broke my resolve. Minato was my most important person ever. Period. I had never loved someone like I loved my brother. Not Father, Sister or Mother. Not even Daddy or Mom.

He was my rock. He had been the one to catch me when my legs were still too weak to walk coordinately. He had been the one to gather me in his arms and play inside our own house when I was too shy to go to the park. He had been the one to reassure me that everything would be okay when Dad died. He had been there when I entered the Academy for the first time.

He had been everywhere.

The thought of him dying brought so much pain to my own being that, to my complete horror and embarrassment, my eyes started getting full of unshed tears. I was such a crybaby.

"Waah, was I too strict, baby brother!" He exclaimed, not really asking. His expression had gone from serious to silly.

I laughed through my tears, feeling silly myself.

If I wanted him to live, I just had to work harder.

Still, my promise was never made that day.

I met Fūinjutsu teacher two weeks later, when Sakumo-sensei finally established how our days would run. According to him, my teacher was very young for a Sealing Master, but with his apprenticeship under the deceased Uzumaki Mito-sama, he was one of the most competent in the art.

I was supposed to meet him in front of the Nara district, which should've surprised me greatly, but the man just had to be of Nara-intellect to be so good at such a difficult shinobi art so young. I was surprised, however, by my brother's friends appearance.

Akimichi Chōza, Yamanaka Inoichi and Nara Shikaku were this generation's Ino-Shika-Cho. They had graduated the same year as my brother and were also entering the next Chūnin Exams. With how young Naruto's generation had entered said exams, you'd think it was common - but becoming Chūnin was much harder than it sounded. It wasn't unusual to find fifteen-year-old Genin in times of peace.

For a team about to take such a hard exam, they sure were relaxed.

"Ah, Kumi-chan," Inoichi grinned at me, being the first to notice my quiet presence.

He and Ren looked somewhat alike with their dirty-blond hair and dark green pupil-less eyes, but my best friend had a lot more of baby fat covering his cheeks, while the older Yamanaka was in this stage of puberty where you looked simply awkward in your own body.

"Hello," I greeted back, looking up.

Chōza smiled gently and offered a package of chips, which I gratefully accepted. I had spent the morning getting my ass beat into shape by Sakumo-sensei and hadn't had the chance to have lunch yet.

"If you're looking for Chita, he's been out for a few hours now," Shikaku told me, his hands in his pockets. He had changed a lot since the first time I met him four years ago - it was much easier to identify the differences between him and his future son, what with his rougher features, more tanned skin and darker hair color.

I shook my head, straining my neck to look at them three in the eyes. Not only was I small for my age, but they were also four years older.

"I know where Chita is," I replied. "Sakumo-sensei sent me here to meet my teacher."

"Eh? Isn't Sakumo-san your teacher, though?" Inoichi scratched his head, a few strands of hair flying off his messy ponytail. "Man, you guys are so lucky to have Konoha's White Fang as your sensei."

I smiled a little, mentally agreeing. Very lucky indeed.

"I mean my Fūinjutsu teacher," I admitted, after a moment of hesitance. I had guarded my training in seals for so long that it felt weird to speak about it.

"You want to learn sealing, Kumi-chan?" Chōza exclaimed, seemingly surprised.

Chōza was the kindest out of the three, that much I knew. He didn't comment anything about Fūinjutsu being too hard for me or something of the type. Most people would discourage me just because of my appearance.

"Onii-chan didn't tell you, did he?" I asked, somewhat embarrassed. "I've been learning for a few years now without his knowledge and he got mad at me a couple of weeks ago when he discovered."

They appeared so stunned at my uncharacteristic sass that it took a few seconds for Shikaku to start chuckling.

"Well, who knew you had it in you," he commented, dryly. An amused smirk twisted his lips.

Inoichi nodded in agreement, "I thought Kumi-chan was much more obedient."

My whole face felt hot so I turned on my heels and started running in the direction of the address given to me by Sakumo-sensei. I briefly bade goodbye and heard their chuckles at my expense.

Stupid Ino-Shika-Cho.

"Woah, easy there, kid," a person said when I almost ran into them in my haste to get away from the trio.

I looked up to see a typical Nara guy - that is, a shade of brown or black hair and dark eyes - except his ponytail was the... weirdest thing ever? Rule number one about the Nara clan: they are lazy unless determined. Rule number two: they always wear their hair up.

The Nara, who I know noticed that couldn't be any older than twenty, laughed roughly at my expression.

"Likes the hairdo, kid? Wouldn't believe how long it takes me to put it up like this," he commented. I blinked, still bewildered at how a ponytail could go two ways, almost like horn-structures.

His hand fell heavy on my head and I winced.

"You must be Namikaze Kumi," he said and at my surprised face, explained, "Sakumo-san told me about you. Said you'd be coming here today. I'm Nara Suzaku, your new teacher."

I had known that my teacher was going to be young, of course, but it was still a surprise when I actually saw him. He was tall, like most Nara tend to be, and his shoulders were broad, but I noticed that his hands were unnaturally smooth for a ninja.

"C'mon, let's go my house," he said, beckoning me forward with his hand. I followed him through the streets of the Nara district, barely observing the familiar houses. Most weekends during the Academy were spent here or at Ren's house, since Tsume's was always noisy because of the dogs, Mikoto's was full of - well - Uchiha, and Kihito's wasn't really a hella district.

Suzaku's home was silent when we arrived and all the rooms were bare except for the occasional low table and soft cushions. There were scrolls, books and ink pots everywhere, though. I swear the equivalent of an entire library was scattered around his living-room.

"Ne, Nara-san," I started, only to be interrupted. What was it with Nara's and interruptions?

"None of this -san bullshit, kid. Call me Suzaku."

I nodded, "Hai. How old were you when Uzumaki-sama taught you?"

He scratched his head distractedly, gathering some blank scrolls for us to use and already-used ink pots. A few dirty brushes left marks on the floor. The whole house felt homey, somehow.

"I was eight, I think, when Mito-sensei started teaching me."

He indicated me to sit on a cushion and pulled a low wooden table toward us. I sat.

"That's young," I commented, genuinely impressed. Uzumaki Mito-sama had died practically three years ago, which meant that Suzaku had completed his sealing apprenticeship in less than ten years. This was amazing.

Suzaku shrugged before throwing me a sideway glance.

"Sakumo-san told me that you've been studying by yourself since you were seven," he started and I felt my cheeks getting red even though his tone didn't sound reprehending at all. "I don't how far you've gotten, kid, but the fact that you're still whole three years later tells me to expect great things from you."

I had always like the Nara clan's sincerity. It was a breath of fresh air when compared to the whispers behind pretty hands and taunts of angry mouths from my old life. They were engraved inside my mind, much like you'd never forget your own birthday date.

"I've never had a student before, much less one with previous knowledge, but tests are a drag, so we won't have one," Suzaku continued and I smiled at the typical Nara way of life. "I'll give you the first words Mito-sensei gave me and my best friend when she taught us so many years back."

I was curious as to who was his best friend, but my desire to know Uzumaki-sama's words won over in the end. She had been one of the greatest Seal Master ever, after all.

"Fūinjutsu is a weapon. You don't draw pretty flowers and expect them to grow from the parchment. You draw lines expecting them to be of use for you, that's why I advise you to use it wisely."

I let the words sink.

"There are many paths to follow - barrier casting, full-frontal attack, medicine, assassination. In a way, it's much like the shinobi life, but you don't have to be a shinobi to be a Fūinjutsu master. You just have to be agile in your mind and elegant with your hands. I'll teach you how to handle that weapon and let you discover for yourself how it'll useful in the future."

Suzaku paused, thoughtful. I looked up at his face and was surprised to see softened eyes. He probably was reminiscing about his teacher. I pondered what kind of person Uzumaki-sama was.

"Let's go over the basics and determine your current level," he decided.

I nodded, eager to soak up all knowledge he could pass me. In the next two hours or so, we quietly worked. I found out that Suzaku-sensei could be a very sarcastic person and his mouth was dirtier than a sailor's, but he also could be surprisingly caring and attentive. He was only eighteen, which left me baffled.

I found myself sad when our first class came to an end, but also somewhat relieved. His presence was overwhelming as much as it was soothing, even though this sounded completely impossible. It was comforting to know that such a great mind was in our side instead of with the enemies.

"Come back in two days if you don't have a mission," Suzaku all but ordered, already occupying himself with one thing or another. When I turned around after putting my shoes in the entrance, he was gone from the living room.

Weird guy, I thought. And went back home.

"Ku-mi-cha-an!" Ren gleefully shouted tomorrow morning, somehow managing to stretch my short name to a longer length. I prepared myself for impact just in time - his arms came around my neck and his chin rested atop of my head. I sighed at my already-coming-undone ponytail.

Chitarō, who had been resting on the grass a few meters away from us, muttered something that sounded like "It's too early to be so loud" and turned on his other side to go back to sleep.

"Good morning, guys," Sakumo-sensei said, appearing in a puff of smoke.

"Morning!"

"Good morning, Sakumo-sensei."

"'Morning..."

Our teacher chuckled at our different levels of enthusiasm. We were all different as night and day. There was Ren with his eternal cheerfulness, Chitarō and his lazy slouch, and me with my quiet demeanor. However, we still managed to work together under sensei's strict and hardworking eye.

"I was thinking about working on your elemental affinities before doing missions today," Sakumo-sensei announced. "I know the Yamanaka and the Nara clan usually rely on their secret techniques, but since this is a First Response Team, it's expected of you to be an all-rounder."

Chitarō yawned widely, "What a drag."

Ren laughed, passing an arm around the Nara's neck.

"Don't be boring, Chita," he admonished, shaking a finger in front of said person's face. Chitarō batted it away.

Sakumo-sensei clapped twice to gain our attention back.

"Ok, it will go like this," he made a cross sign familiar to me an entire lifetime back. Two solid clones appeared much like he had done a couple of minutes earlier. "Chita-kun, follow my clone here - he'll teach you how to start molding Earth chakra. Ren, you go the other way to learn how to expel Fire chakra."

Both my friends nodded, immediately getting serious, and went to do what they were assigned. I turned to my teacher, putting my fingers together anxiously. He smiled down at me, instantly calming me down.

"I read in your file that you have a dual affinity," Sakumo-sensei started and I nodded, familiar with the term.

I had studied a lot about it after my appointment with a medic-nin last year. It simply meant that my two elemental affinities were equally distributed. Sometimes, it led to a new kekkei genkai, but it usually stayed as it was, only being an easier way of learning two affinities. As it was kind of required of us to have two of them to be a Jōnin, I had an advantage.

"Wind and lightning," he said, pausing - testing the words. "Both of them are of one of rarest out there, which is both good and bad. You'll take many by surprise. However, finding someone capable of teaching you new things is a little harder than usual."

I sighed, because he was right. No matter how genius-like my older brother was, he was still a high-level Genin with no grand experiences under his belt. He also had a Wind affinity, but this didn't mean much right now. Not to mention that he favored Taijutsu instead of Ninjutsu like I did.

"I also have a Lightning affinity," Sakumo-sensei told me, turning his lips upwards, encouragingly. "And you told me a few days ago that you only know two Wind techniques, so I think we'll start working on how to mold Lightining chakra today."

He crouched down, gathering a few leaves on his big hands. I took one when he indicated me to do so.

"Let's put your excellent chakra control to use. As you should know by now," he smiled as he said that, well aware of how much of a bookworm I was. I looked away, blushing. "Each type of chakra has a way of working. I don't control Wind, but I heard that you have to make it as thin as possible, right?"

"Yes, sensei."

"With Lightning you have to make it flow as fast as possible. In a way, it's like Wind - it'll only be fast if it's thin - but it's not gentle at all. Actually, it snaps."

I closed my eyes, trying to picture it inside me head. Chakra theory was one of my favorite subjects, because it didn't sound like anything from my old life and world. I absolutely adored the endless possibilities and was always eager to test it flexibility and applicability.

I inhaled slowly, concentrating solely on the leaf resting inside the cocoon I formed with my hands. Sakumo-sensei was quiet beside me and the only reason I felt the seasoned ninja was because of my growing sensor ability.

It's hard to describe how chakra felt. It's like a river of lava. It's like being born again.

It had been flowing peacefully inside me when I finally reached it. The energy stiffened for a moment, before relenting at my touch and bending at my will. Used to the notion, it narrowed by itself. I frowned.

That's not what I want, I thought and my chakra responded to it, crackling madly.

"Careful," sensei murmured beside me, taking my hands in his and directing his own chakra at me. The foreign energy startled me for a moment, but it helped - my chakra calmed down, going from an uncontrollable crackle to a quiet sizzle.

It spread on the palms of my hands and on the very tips of my fingers before snapping. A breaking sound reached my ears and I opened my eyes to find a crunched leaf.

"I did it," I murmured to myself, shocked into silence for a few seconds, before holding the lead up in celebration. I turned to my teacher, actually acting my supposed age, "Sensei, I did it!"

"That you did," he smiled, ruffling my hair and ending Ren's work of ruining it. I couldn't bring myself to care.

When I went home later that day, I heard Minato busying himself in our kitchen. Since the entrance gave way to the tiny living room we had, I couldn't see what he was doing, but whatever it was, it smelt great.

"Welcome home," he called, putting his head in the corridor. Observing my expression, my brother asked, "Why so content?"

"I manage to control my Lightning chakra," I told him, giddy with happiness. Ren had been impressed, babbling about he hadn't even manage to make the tips of his leaf burn, while Chitarō had just stood there in his quiet way of giving praise.

"I still can't get over at how good you are with chakra, seriously," Minato shook his head at me, bewildered.

I was smiling, about to say something, when a feminine voice said from the kitchen, "Is it Chibi-chan?"

My brother turned back around to answer and the smile was wiped off my face in a second.

Kushina.

Great.

"Come eat," Minato said, calling me forward with a wave of his hand. "I made hotpot for us and invited Kushina over."

I froze for a millisecond, but weeks of lying to my brother and an entire lifetime of burying my broken feelings had me left great at masking my emotions.

"I've eaten already," I found myself saying. "Sensei paid for us after our mission."

His face fell and I added, genuinely feeling guilty for lying, "Sorry."

I wasn't feeling guilty enough to stay in the same room as the loud redhead, though. Minato nodded, going back to the kitchen and I went to our room (we could only afford a one-room apartment, after all). The emptiness inside me went beyond my hunger.

I felt silly for letting a twelve-year-old motor-mouth girl ruin my day, but couldn't stop myself from resenting Minato. He had been budy the last weeks, training hard for the upcoming Chūnin Exams, and dinner time had been reserved for us. He'd go to Suna in a couple of months to take the exam and I'd be left alone for more than a month if everything went right. I'd miss him. And that's exactly why I wanted to spend as much time with him as possible.

Kushina wasn't included in the plans. But then again, hadn't she been invited to hang around my brother ever since they became friends? I should be used to it.

It seemed impossible to get used to the idea that my brother would die with her in less than two decades if I did nothing, though. Her presence was just a heavy reminder. A reminder I'd rather not have.

I sighed, silently creeping back to the entrance and putting my shoes on. I wondered if Chitarō would be up to eating dinner with me. I paused, listening to Kushina's voice next door and my brother much quieter responses. When they laughed at something, I couldn't stay there anymore and went out without warning.

It was cold outside, even though it was almost summer.