Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto or any of its characters. I do own Namikaze Kumi, though.

Warning: child abuse and bullying (mostly mentions of it), some dark themes, too much fluffiness sometimes (each chapter less and less frequently, sorry), DRAMA!, angst everywhere, unbeta'ed (frankly, unrevised most of the time), my incapability to end a chapter on a happy note (maybe this time I succeeded?), a real rollercoaster of emotions.

Author's note:

*show up late with Starbucks* ... Hey, guys?

So, if you don't want to hear my excuses, you can just skip this note and go right down to the chapter. Anyway. I am terribly, horribly, incommensurably sorry that I took this long to post another chapter. Even by my standards, this one sure took a looooong goddamn time to come out.

I can only explain in one way: 2018 was one of the worst years of my life. For real.

First of all, my Grandma - who I've been living with since I was born - died like four days before my birthday in March. I told myself that I was ok with this, she was 89 turning 90 and I told myself a bunch of times that she'd lived a long, fulfilling life. Still. I couldn't sit down and write anything new for a long, long time. I felt as if anything I came up with was too dark and depressing - well, more than usual.

Later on, my university became a terrific problem. My heart had never been in Law to begin with, but I soldiered on for three years (in Brazil, it takes five years to graduate with a Law degree). I decided that I couldn't take it anymore, I'd never be a lawyer or anything like that, aaaand decided to change courses. Ensue fights at home, 'cause my parent were rightfully worried about me.

Anyway. There were many other things that discouraged me to write last year, but you're not here to listen to all of them. I can only ask for your understanding at me taking so damn long to post a new chapter.

You guys have no idea how much reading your past reviews made me happy. I finally told myself to sit my ass down and finish this chapter, which has been sitting half-way written in my documents for almost a year now. So, thank your support. This is my favorite story ever and I intend to see it through, however long it takes.

Aaaand after my goddamn excuses, on with the chapter. I hope it makes you guys happy.

(TL; DR: 2018 was shitty as fuck. Sorry for taking so long to post this chapter. Thank you for the engaging and encouraging reviews. Thank you.)

All Things Are Difficult Before They Are Easy

By Amaryllis D. Namikaze

Chapter XXIII:

The Return

"And she's going to learn that this life will hit you hard in the face, wait for you to get back up just so it can kick you in the stomach. But getting the wind knocked out of you is the only way to remind your lungs how much they like the taste of air."
- Sarah Kay

Ever since the day my team was officially disbanded, I've been following Suzaku-sensei around not unlike a lost duckling. (He admonished me - as much as a Nara can do so - there was no need to all him teacher anymore, but habits are hard to break.). Apparently, he and the other Seal Master in Konoha had a bunch of weekly duties I hadn't known about.

Although there was about a couple hundred of people - and not all of them were field-shinobi material - capable of using some form or area of Fūinjutsu and whose rank ranged from beginner to proficient, there were, in fact, only three Masters. It made me feel kind of unique and accomplished, which was a welcome change for me. My last life was a distant, painful past not completely forgotten, and, for some irritating reason, I could only pierce back together the horrible parts.

(Lucky me.)

The non-field Fūinjutsu practitioners were responsible for checking and maintaining the seals until the day Suzaku-sensei or Yamanaka Santa-san, his best friend and the other Seal Master, renovated the seals' bases and observed if everything was, indeed, running smoothly (or if someone was slacking on the job). There was no official Fūinjutsu Corps, but the respect given to both Masters - and the awestruck expression that somehow never faded away around some beginners - made it obvious whose orders would be unquestionably followed should a crisis fall upon our heads.

As for me, Suzaku-sensei was teaching me the ropes. He had said to pay attention, but not to expect too much out of it. When I questioned him why, he answered me nonchalantly.

"You're a ridiculously talented Seal Master, I can't deny that. However, you're also conveniently good on field; a combination not seen since Mito-sensei, I think. The Hokage is keeping you away to give you time to psychologically recover from... ah, your last mission."

He paused then.

"Santa and I were trained as shinobi too, unlike some practitioners, but we're not strong enough not to get accidently killed or something," sensei said. Nara and their pragmatic way of talking, I swear. "It'd be a waste of talent to keep you inside our walls forever."

I was red in the face, I knew, because Suzaku-sensei took one look at me and snorted, amused.

"Why so embarrassed? You're a Chūnin, sure, but you're already better in combat than me, and I'm a few years your senior, kid. You're just that good. Nothing wrong with the truth."

He gave me a friendly pat on the shoulder.

"Uh, thank you," I managed to stammer out, still not quite over the praise.

Not that good, though, are you?, a small voice reminded me of my place. Or you'd have reached Ren in enough time to save him from a fatal blow. Not fast enough, are you?

Minato was showing me a primordial version of the Rasengan. The chakra was all over the place and it didn't have a defined form. All in all, the glow emitted from it was amazingly pretty, but it just seemed like a cool, harmless technique.

"Well, it kinda is right now?" He replied when I gave him my honest opinion. "I'm not a chakra genius like you, so I thought that implementing a... chakra weapon thingy with no hand seals in my Taijutsu repertoire would be practical."

How eloquent of him.

Kakashi seemingly agreed with me as he snorted from where he was practicing the katas Minato had assigned him.

My brother turned around, hands on his hips, the picture of intimidation for sure, and chided with no real bite, "Hey! I heard that snort, young man, don't think I did not."

At this point in our lives, Kakashi was like a little brother to us. I had spent his entire childhood by his side, not to mention all the time I spent babysitting him after his Mother's death. Minato went along for the ride and was finally getting to know Kakashi's true personality through their teacher-student interactions.

Kid Kakashi was adorable. He was huggable and had the cutest puppy-eyed look ever.

However, he was also an undeniable brat.

His grumpiness had grown exponentially to Sakumo-sensei's absence. My Genin teacher was so busy these days - or rather, busying himself these days - that his only son was getting antsy. I tried my best to prevent this change, but Kakashi's personality was one more thing I couldn't really control.

I was just grateful for his attitude towards me at least. The little guy never made me purposefully mad or annoyed the heck out of me just for the giggles. To him, I was just Kumi-nee. Even if I wasn't a girl.

(Wait, did Kakashi think I was a girl after all? Meh. Who cares.)

"Eh, as if I was trying to hide my opinion, anyway," Kakashi replied, crossing his arms over his tiny chest. He was like a grumpy puppy. Adorable. Even the mask on his face couldn't obscure the pout I was sure was forming on his lips.

Minato's lower lip trembled in an effort not to laugh. Kakashi would hate him forever if he did.

A fourth presence in my chakra field made me look over my shoulder.

"Kushina!" Minato greeted enthusiastically, following my line of vision.

Sure enough, there was Uzumaki Kushina in all her redheaded glory.

"Mi-na-to!" She practically spelled, shaking her fist in a blind rage. "You dolt! We agreed to meet up for a Fūinjutsu lesson twenty minutes ago!"

Kakashi was snickering into his hands as my brother paled until he resembled a ghost. Ah, lovely.

"Ku-Kushina, you know how busy I've been these last couple of months since I've become a Jōnin mentor and," Minato paused whatever excuse he was going to make. He accepted his fate with a simple, "I'm sorry for forgetting."

Kushina, for all of her faults, was obviously a fool in love. She couldn't hide her crush from anyone - except my brother, maybe. Another oblivious fool. As soon as Minato apologized, she turned into milk pudding and melted in his hands.

"O-okay," she blushed, looking down at her hands.

My eyebrows shot up. I exchanged a look with Kakashi.

Wow. Their mutual pining was getting stronger day by day. I frowned for the briefest second, but couldn't really be upset over their increasing lovey-dovey foolishness. They were going to end up together whether I wanted it or not, that much was clear.

(Minato could talk shit about how he'd never accept Kushina if I didn't do so either, bla, bla, bla, but he knew deep down I'd never make him stop talking to his crush and friend. I wasn't that horrible of a brother.)

Minato took one look at the sun - it was pretty late in the afternoon, after all - and nodded to himself. He clapped once and said, "Ok, Kakashi-kun, you're free to go. Today's lesson is over."

It would have sounded more impressive if the lesson hadn't been forcibly ended, I was sure.

Kakashi approached me with amused eyes as Kushina dragged my brother away for the Fūinjutsu meeting - which still made me doubt on whether it really was Fūinjutsu meeting or not, if you catch my drift.

"Minato-sensei is screwed."

I half-smiled, feeling unusually light that day. I petted his head, before messing his gravity-defying hair.

"Nee-chan!" Kakashi complained childishly.

I flicked him on the nose, saying, "As if ruffling your hair makes it unruly. Well, more unruly than before, that is."

A grumpy look.

Adorable.

It turned out Suzaku-sensei had been right. Hokage-sama did call me back to his office around mid-June.

I felt like it was just about time.

Surprisingly enough, staying inside the village week after week after week - after week - had been difficult. I never thought I'd miss the thrill of missions - especially since I was, you know, kind of a coward sometimes. That is not to say I was excited to go up and about killing people, searching for trespassers, looking for criminals, and all that shit again. It's just... Well—

Being a shinobi was an habit. You got used to it - to the rhythm, to the missions, to the gore and the sadness. Stopping the flow completely meant facing the horrors you'd seen until now. It meant being home for long hours and wondering about what you could've done differently. It meant thinking about the deaths I'd seen.

(It meant thinking about Ren.)

I was grateful for being called once again.

"Hokage-sama," I greeted, stepping inside the familiar office. Being an ex-member of a First-Response Team meant being familiar with this place. We didn't go to the missions' room. We were called here.

The man sitting behind the desk gave me a comforting smile. His hair was still brown, despite all his years. I knew Sarutobi Hiruzen still had many years to go, but it still baffled me how someone could look so young and so old at the same time.

"Kumi-kun," he replied.

He was one of the few people who called me kun, embarrassingly enough. Either people knew me well enough to call me by my name itself or just called me chan or san. Well, Hokage-sama was aware of my gender. Most people only called me chan because they were confused, not out of affection or due to my age.

"Come on, sit down," he invited, indicating the empty chair in front of his desk.

I sat down quite unsure, unused to sitting down in this office. I was usually given my missions standing up behind my Leader.

"It's been awhile, hasn't it? How are you doing?" Hokage-sama asked in that grandfatherly tone he managed to do so well.

Konoha was, for all purposes, a dictatorship. There was a guy who commanded all military forces and took care of the administrative side of governing. The Hokage was our leader until he died or appointed a successor, whichever option came first.

Looking at Hokage-sama's worried eyes, listening to his soft voice, one could be fooled. He was a sweet leader most of the time. He worried about his soldiers - from the youngest to the oldest. He'd ask you about your day and tell you funny stories about his everyday life.

Still, he'd sent many people to their deaths. He'd sent many soldiers to their last missions. Under this grandfatherly mask was a man made of steel. He'd seen shit.

"Well enough, I suppose," I managed to say.

I don't cry every night into my pillow anymore, sir, I wanted to blurt out. I can eat things Ren used to like and not sob into my food. I can walk by his clan district and not feel terrible about it. I mean, sometimes I feel guilty, and incompetent, and useless, but don't we all?

I swallowed down every bitter word I thought. Hokage-sama was made of steel, but he wasn't a therapist. He wanted soldiers, not damaged souls put together with fragile glue.

The Hokage stared at my eyes for a few seconds, as if looking into my thoughts, before nodding in acceptance.

"Good. That's good. Well, I called you here to reinstate you as an active member of our shinobi force," he said, confirming Suzaku-sensei's theory that I'd eventually be called back.

"Thank you, sir," I replied, not sure it was the right answer.

Do one thank their leader for sending them back on missions, which could possibly cause their ultimate death? Hmm. Either way, I wouldn't be stuck in Konoha day in and day out anymore. We've got to be thankful for the small things, I guess.

Hokage-sama picked up a scroll from his drawer. It was quite fancy, in a way, with its huge red seal and golden details. From a pile, he picked out another scroll, which I recognized as a mission scroll, that is, a parchment paper that came with the mission's details and so on, as it was standard looking.

"This," he said, indicating the mission scroll," as you may well be aware, contains your mission's details and what is expected of you. The other one contains my agreement to an official alliance with the Grass Country."

I gulped. Whelp. I guess it was kind of important.

Hokage-sama observed my reaction to his statement. He was a ninja seasoned enough to notice my slight discomfort at being given such an important mission.

"Diplomatic missions are quite different from what you're used to as a former member of a First Response Team. Nevertheless, it holds as much importance as your past missions."

I nodded.

I wasn't being sent to catch a target or to kill a criminal or trespasser, true, but that didn't mean I could fail on this one. In a way, the safest type of mission you could receive as a shinobi was bodyguard or border patrol duty. You were allowed to fail on these sometimes. It didn't mean war or economic crisis.

Being sent on a diplomatic mission was a honor as much as it was a nightmare, I thought. You could be killed on enemy territory. You could succeed and secure an alliance. You could not die, but still come back to your home as the one who didn't manage to persuade your possible ally. The variables were infinite.

"This scroll is not asking for an alliance. Kusagakera was the one to request it and as it is, I am sending my answer."

I breathed a sigh of relief. Great. I didn't have to persuade anybody, just give a damn scroll to some village leader. Thank God.

Hokage-sama smiled briefly at my obvious relief.

"I chose you for this mission, and not someone else, for two simple reasons," he said, and I was surprised that he cared enough to explain. "Number one: I believe in your combat ability. You've proven time and time again your ability to see a mission to the end through your means. Your team has one of the best records in the history of Konoha. Your former teacher and team leader have been hounding me about promoting you to a Jōnin."

I gaped at the Hokage, who couldn't contain a slight laughter at my probably stupid expression.

"You shouldn't be so surprised, Kumi-kun," the Hokage generously conceded. "Sakumo was always bragging to other Jōnins how great his students were, how amazing his team was. He thought you, in particular, was great in combat. That is not to say that young Ren-kun and Chitarō-kun are not well-versed in direct fighting, just that their other talents were more attention-catching."

Sakumo-sensei bragged about his students before? My eyes started burning in this familiar way that indicated I'd start tearing up if Hokage-sama didn't change topics. I refuse to cry in my leader's office while receiving a mission.

"Furthermore, the second reason I chose you for this mission was specifically because of your Fūinjutsu mastery," the Hokage kept on explained while I tried to regain my bearings.

I looked up in surprise at his second reason, "Huh?"

"It's been many, many years since a Seal Master with a combat abilities such as yours has lived in Konoha. I believe the last one was Uzumaki Mito-sama," Hokage-sama said, reminding me of Suzaku-sensei's words. "Your Ninjutsu specialization, and overall well-rounded abilities, gives me the reassurance to send you to missions outside the village, whereas I could not do the same to many other proficient seal practitioners."

My cheeks were definitely burning under the praise. Hokage-sama trusted me enough not to die. It sounded kind of morbid when put this way, but that was basically it.

I was well aware that Seal Masters weren't expendable pieces. It took too much time to train a Seal Master to simply dispose of them during warring times. Like the Jinchūriki and clan heirs, for example, there weren't that many of us. I'd never be a front-line fighter with a Fūinjutsu mastery under my belt, even if my Ninjutsu abilities were quite good for my age.

"I want you to take this scroll," Hokage-sama indicated the alliance agreement one, "and put it in a storage seal with your strongest bindings. It cannot fall on enemy's hands. As you're well aware by now, Iwagakure is slowly taking over Kusagakure. Grass Country wants our help and shinobi force to stop this."

I gulped.

The Third Shinobi War was slowly showing its face. It only needed a water drop to officially explode. Neither country wanted to be the one to declare war, but neither one wanted to back down. To be honest, our mission retrieving Uchiha Kizoku's body came this close to being the last straw.

(And had this mission been the last straw in the original timeline? Had my actions changed something? Or was everything meant to happen this way, regardless of my attitudes? How could I be sure of my interference?)

(Had Ren died for nothing?)

Sakumo-sensei would play an important piece in all this madness, I knew that, but I didn't remember enough about Naruto series to be sure how. I'd always thought the timeline was kind of confusing and full of plot holes. I just knew I couldn't let my teacher die.

"Hai, Hokage-sama," I answered respectfully. It was the only reply the Hokage wanted to hear. He wouldn't care about my musings. He'd think me crazy, anyway.

"Your teammates for this missions have been informed of their roles. You are to meet them in five hours. Dismissed."

And that was it, really.

I had time to say goodbye to Minato, for a change. He was happy for me finally being back to duty, but worried at the same time. Typical Minato. He was such a mother-hen. It's not like I'd breakdown and cry during a mission. I knew when to be a crybaby.

Probably.

Kakashi was disheartened by my departure, as this mission would take more than a couple of days for sure, but promised me to listen to my brother. Minato was his teacher, however, I was the one that cooked for him and made sure he was in bed early and everything else. Sensei disappeared to God knows where for God knows how long too many times to count. He was officially reinstated to ANBU, but, boy, did his negligence made me mad from time to time.

(Natsumi-san better be watching from Heaven. I couldn't beat sense into Sakumo-sensei, but she sure could when he finally died, even if I wanted it to happen many, many years from now. Kakashi deserved better as a kid."

I had a pack prepared for missions at all times, mostly because all my mission essentials were sealed away in a small pouch with a storage fūin Hermione Granger style. I know, ingenious. Who would have thought Harry Potter would come in handy in the ninja world. I felt giddy just thinking about it, how silly of me.

Almost five hours after leaving Hokage-sama's office, I ran to the main gate. I had read the mission scroll from beginning to end about a dozen times, just to be sure I didn't miss anything that could me or my teammates killed, and was still feeling nervous about this mission.

It had been so long since my last mission - which had gone tragically wrong, but officially right. I wasn't supposed to lead this team, thank God, for I was no leader material, but Hokage-sama had made it quite clear that I was a key point. The storage scroll containing the alliance agreement was to be carried by me, in my storage seal, at all times.

I arrived at the gate trying not to think too hard about that condition. I almost flew right into Akimichi Chōza in my haste.

"Woah, there," he said good-naturedly.

I went red in embarrassment and bowed quickly to apologize, "I'm so sorry, Chōza-sempai."

He laughed at my flaming cheeks, forgiving me easily enough. I looked up from my bow to see Inoichi and Shikaku chuckling at my clumsiness. My cheeks got even more red at the Nara's smirk, of that I was sure.

"Well," Shikaku said once he managed to stop laughing at my misfortune. "Since all of us are here early, I suppose we should go."

Wait, what?

"Huh?" I stammered out.

Shikaku turned in my direction, eyebrow raising in question.

"Hokage-sama did not tell you everything? We are to be your teammates for this mission."

Wait, what?

Inoichi snorted, "More like your bodyguards, Kumi-chan. Trust us to protect you." He raised one hand, showing me a V-sign with his fingers and winking at me.

I managed to say, "Hokage-sama gave me a mission scroll, but he didn't, in fact, tell me who my teammates were going to be."

Chōza patted my shoulder.

"No problem, no problem. You know now and that's all that matters. Like Inoichi said, trust us to protect you and the item you're carrying."

I noticed how he took care not to say scroll, even though there was no one in front of the main gate except for us and the Chūnin on gate duty, who was too far away to hear us talking anyway.

"No need to protect me," I stated, trying to inject confidence into my words. "Our item is the only thing that-"

"Ah, ah, ah," Shikaku interrupted me, which was unlike him. Talking that much was unlike him, to be honest, he was more the guy to keep observing from the shadows, taking his own conclusions. "Hokage-sama explicitly told us not to let you die. You're a Seal Master now."

He didn't say anything more on the topic and I didn't insist. I got the message. We can die, but not you. They were clan heirs, but clan could find others heirs. Making someone a Seal Master was hard work, the kind that took years.

(Shouldn't I be happy to be considered such a precious piece in this world? I wouldn't be freely sent to my death.)

(... but would I be able to act with so many eyes and restrictions on me, I wonder.)

"Anyway," Shikaku said. I knew he had to be the team leader, as the only Jōnin between us. "Where is it? Just in case we need to know."

Quite proud of myself, I took off my right, back-plated glove and showed him the inside of my wrist. All three of them huddled closer to take a better look. All in all, it looked like a normal storage seal, the kind you could buy in a pre-made sealing store. I mean, it had minuscule changes - which they wouldn't know to look for - but it was essentially the same thing.

"Huh," Inoichi made," I thought you couldn't write seals on your body. It's the only thing about Fūinjutsu they warn us about in the Academy, isn't it?"

Chōza nodded in agreement, showing he remembered it too. I smiled at their confusion, feeling as if a bubble was about to burst in my chest. I loved feeling like I was enough. I'd never get over this sensation of accomplishment - it was half the reason I studied Fūinjutsu and Ninjutsu so hard.

"You can only become a Master in Fūinjutsu once you learn how to air-draw. It's when you write a seal on air," I explained as they looked confused. Shikaku seemed to stare at my very soul, which made me look at the ground as I kept on saying, "Air-drawing also lets you work with body-altering seals, hence, I can write storage seals on my body."

Inoichi made an impressed sound, saying, "Talk about badass."

My cheeks got slightly warm at the praise.

"Well, obviously I can't keep a storage seal by my body infinitely. Body-altering seals are quite dangerous, as Suzaku-sensei warned me, but I thought that the only place this item would be truly safe was here," I finished, indicating the seal on my inner wrist.

Chōza patted my shoulder once again.

"Kumi-chan, you've become even more impressive."

As I thought I couldn't possibly become more embarrassed, Shikaku agreed with a simple, "Indeed."

"I'm just doing my job, I guess," I managed to say, my shyness getting the best of me.

Shikaku looked at me for a moment longer. He patted my head once, much like his brother would've done in this situation, and said "Well done" in that voice of his that made me rethink how bad puberty could possibly be.

I wouldn't die by enemy's hands on this mission. I would die by sheer embarrassment.

(Ren was laughing from above at my misfortune, I'm sure.)