The Curious Case of the Chocolate Chip Cookie Heist

Warning: This fic contains pure, unadulterated, undiluted fluffy silliness. And cookies. Lots of cookies. The devouring of this story may result in weight gain and tooth decay. Reader discretion is advised.

Genre: CS future fic

Emma had to admit that when her father first made the complaint she thought he was full of crap.

"They were stolen!" David sputtered, pointing to an empty spot on his desk in the sheriff's station. "Taken right from under my nose, and I'm not going to stand for it!"

Emma smirked up at him, crossing her arms and swiveling her chair slowly back and forth. "So what do you want to do about it? Open an investigation? I can just see the headlines: 'Local law enforcement seeking information in the theft of a dozen chocolate chip cookies'. Think we'd be laughed out of office."

David glared. "No, I think we both know just who the culprit is. Your pirate has tangled with the wrong man."

Emma rolled her eyes. "I already asked Killian about the cookies and he denies taking them."

"You're going to believe that? Just take the pirate's word for it?"

"I know my husband," Emma said, "and more importantly I know when he's lying. This time he wasn't."

David paced for another moment. "Well, someone took them! They didn't just get up off the desk and walk away of their own volition."

"In this town, you never know," Emma muttered under her breath.

That was two weeks ago. In the ensuing time, David had come to Emma no less than ten times complaining about a fresh count of cookie larceny to add to the thief's rap sheet. Emma had to admit she was beginning to get suspicious. She couldn't deny it was…strange…that every time one of David's sweet treats was purloined, it happened just after he'd been hanging out with his son-in-law. Not to mention how frequently lately she'd noticed Killian's kiss tasted distinctly like chocolate.

But still he resolutely denied any baked-good piracy, and she knew he wasn't pulling the wool over her eyes.

Killian wasn't lying to her…but he wasn't quite telling the truth either. Something was up, and she was going to get to the bottom of it.

And so it was that she launched her sting operation.

Emma woke abruptly to a clock reading 3:13 am and a bed conspicuously lacking a certain one-handed pirate. She heard a faint thud from the general vicinity of the kitchen, and she knew a moment of triumph. Tonight was the night she got the truth!

She slipped quietly from her bed, donned soft slippers and crept toward the scene of the crime. She'd made a batch of chocolate chip cookies that afternoon, stating they were a gift for her parents; a way to calm her father's ire. She'd carefully packaged the entire batch, put it in a cute little cookie jar in the shape of a bluebird and labelled it "For David and Mary Margaret". And now, it seemed the cookie-burglar was about to strike again.

"Shh!" Killian whispered urgently, "stealth, lad! Remember what we discussed about silence during missions?"

"Sorry, Killy," said a little voice.

Emma melted into the shadows and peered forward in time to see her four-year-old brother gently set the top of the cookie jar upon the counter top.

"Exercise caution, my boy," Killian said, looking guiltily around the darkened kitchen. "You've taken to piracy like a duck to water, but your sister's already begun to become suspicious. We must be absolutely sure to leave no evidence of our pilfering endeavors."

"Don't worry," Neal said in a loud stage whisper, "I'll be careful. I'm gonna be as good a pirate as you one day!"

"Don't let your mother…or your father…or your sister hear you say such things, or it's a fair bet your sister will soon be left a widow."

Emma decided it was time to let her men know that the jig was up. With a flick of her finger, she bathed the room in the harsh, fluorescent kitchen light.

And she caught her brother with his hand literally in the cookie jar. The identical looks of horrified terror on the boys' faces almost set her to laughing, but by some heroic show of self-control, she managed to retain her furious scowl.

"Just what the f…" she shot a sideways glance at her little brother, "um, what the fried rice is going on here?"

Having little ears hanging around did certainly put a cramp in her lecturing style.

"Now, Swan," Killian said, sauntering toward her with his single hand raised toward her in supplication, "this isn't what it appears."

She crossed her arms. "Really? Because it looks like my husband has been teaching my baby brother how to be a criminal."

"Not a criminal, Emma" Neal said earnestly, "a pirate! Killy told me stories about being a pirate and taking stuff people didn't need and 'ventures and stuff! He told me about the pirate code!"

Emma narrowed her eyes. "What pirate code?"

"You know," Neal said, resolutely ignoring the shushing gestures Killian was sending his way. "The captain gets the booty, but he shares it with the men who helped him? He taught me how to take Daddy's cookies, and he always gives me my share of the loot."

It took a superhuman effort to avoid the laugh bubbling up. The fearsome Captain Hook had a sweet tooth! "Yeah? Well, I don't think mom and dad will be happy to hear about this. They'll probably never let us keep you overnight again. You better get back to bed, kid. I've got some pirate booty of my own to kick."

Killian's face was as sad as a sunken treasure ship as he watched his brother-in-law leave the kitchen, then he turned toward her, clearly ready to face the music.

"Well, love," he said resignedly, "what shall my punishment be?"

Emma put a hand to her still-flat stomach, and smiled. "Well, I guess we can let it slide this one time, but Jones, if I ever catch you pulling a stunt like this with our baby, I'll kill you myself."

"Now, Emma, you know I wouldn't…what did you say?"

Emma placed his hand next to hers. "You heard me. Turns out I have a little pirate in me."

Killian crushed her to him and twirled her around. "A baby! I'm to be a father! I swear to you Emma, I'll renounce all my perfidious ways. I'm going to be the best father Storybrooke has ever seen!"

Impulsively, Emma reached up and pulled him in for a kiss. "I'm sure you will be. Now would you please stop stealing my dad's cookies? If he finds out about your sweet tooth, he's gonna kill you (again), and then I'll hunt you down from beyond the grave and kill you a third time, because I have no intention of raising this kid without his father."

Killian hugged her to him, burying his nose in her fragrant hair. "Never fear, my love. My cookie pilfering, youth corrupting days are over. And there's nothing in all the realms that could drag me from my wife's and baby's side."

Notes: *sigh* Only the second week of this "fluffy Friday's venture", and I've already broken my own rules. I should have known I couldn't stick to my "under 1000 words" rule!

-Anyway, I've been participating in the "cs writing challenge" on Tumblr, and "Sweet" was the prompt for day 2, and this just sort of happened. I figured this story's appropriate for "Fluffy Fridays" as well, so it's serving double duty. (Besides, I'm not nearly prolific enough to churn out TWO stories in one day!)

-I was going for sweet two ways here: 1. Cookies. 2. Daddy-to-be Killian being over-the-moon at finding out about his up-coming bundle of joy.

-Once again, I apologize for the weight gain and cavities. :-)