"I hate trash. I think I've seen enough trash to last a lifetime.
What's worse is I had actully take it out
When I say out I really mean I had step out of the comfort of my own home and pick up every bag of trash; expose myself
to all that terribly healthy sunshine and fresh air and place those bags somewhere the garbage man could find them. I had to actually ask Milford of all people for help.
I, Robbie Rotten never ask for help
I mean Queenie could you imagine me asking for help from that bungling bonehead? I meant bumbling, never mind that. He's still head over heels in love with that blue haired Bessie Nobody woman. Why hasn't he tied the knot yet? Why the heck hasn't he proposed?! I suppose I wouldn't either if I had someone special like that. Not that Bessie is special, I meant if I had a special someone which I don't and I do not think I ever will. Thankfully the old man was alone...still it was ak-ward. I hate awkward. I fortunately barely even broke a sweat. How does one break a sweat? English is a very strange language. Oh well I'm not the numbskull that invented it. If I wanted to to create a language, I could do it, I am afterall a genius. I still need to give this place a good dusting. Why does cleaning have to be such hard work? I hate hard work!
I hate any kind of work period.
What's the point of cleaning up a place no one ever sees?!"
Robbie groaned and grumbled as he went along with his long over due chores.
He had a broom and a feather duster. When he had dusted every surface that was within his reach, he retrieved a ladder so he could tear away the cobwebs that hung abstractly upon the walls and ceiling. This was a relatively simple task. I could tell because his grumbling lessened somewhat. Everything was going splendidly that is until he found a spider. Perhaps the spider found him, it was rather hard to tell. He howled and screeched and waved his arms in all sorts of random directions. He nearly fell off the ladder, miraculously he hopped off to the safety of the floor. He continued hopping until he eventually lost momentum. When he finally found his footing, he tore off his shoe and he bolted towards the spider with fury in his eyes. The spider had migrated down to the level of his eyes at this point. He had the face of warrior just about to head into battle.. He issued a war like holler. The spider didn't stand a chance infact when he was finished the spider didn't stand at all. It was nothing but a smear upon the wall.
"Ugh!Great now I have another mess to clean up. Oh Cute!It mucked up my shoe as well. Where did I put that Super Cleaner 3000? I haven't used that since...since Sportacus. I remember how he acted...he acted so annoyed when I mucked up his shoes with purple goo.
Then I played the old switcheroo on him. I gave him the wrong shoes and threw the his real shoes in a garbage can. Those were the days when superheroes were easily fooled and villains could be king.
As my grandmama would say" Every great hero is in desperate needs of a great villain". I am that villain. I am the greatest villain of all time, My only problem is nobody is here to witness that fact. I'm so good at what I do my excellence is simply off the charts. I'm actully pretty bad, there's definitely nothing good about me but I make bad look good. It's not easy being this bad. Infact it took lots of practice...that and many hours in front of the mirror, not to mention all those voice lessons I took. Honestly it was hard but it was worth the effort. I do not intend to put that much effort into anything like that ever again. I mean why practice when you've already reached perfection. If this isn't the face of perfection, I don't know what is." He now complimented himself in front of the mirror.
"I'm glorious I know but what's the use good looks, endless charm and infinite brilliance when I can't even use it in anybody?! When Sportacus was here I could be the villain of my dreams. I wish I was the villain of somebody's dreams. I wonder if Sportacus ever dreamt of me. Nah. Sportaflop probably dreamed of piles and piles of sportscandy and winning sports competitions. Probably winning my trophy no doubt.That overacting jumping bean always thought it was his duty to the day. Why save the day when you can seize it
for Youreself? That's your problem Sportacus you never seized anything for yourself. You were always giving the spoils to others. Being a hero is a very lonely business. You worry about everybody else and nobody worries about you. You probably thought those kids cared for you. They didn't. Afterall that effort of saving them over and over again nobody ever came to your rescue. To Milford and Bessie you were just some lucky charm to them. That's how heroes are treated. That's what heroes are they're just matching accessories, catchy theme music and complicated looking thingamajigs like that crystal of his and that idiotic machine that shot out apples and tennis rackets. I remember the days when super heroes were individuals you could actually admire and look up to.
They were honest, they had the gift of flight and wore nothing fancy,except spandex, a belt and a Cape. They had laser eyes and Xray vision and of course super strength. They had these incredible side kicks that were just as noble and admirable. They never let you down. They could do anything, go anywhere in a couple seconds flat.They moved faster than the speed of light if I remember.
Nothing was impossible for them. Then those heroes became less popular and new heroes came to take their place.These old heroes retired and eventually some of them just faded away from the world and they were forgotten.
Some of them must have died and so did my dreams along with them. All those dreams of being a hero suddenly didn't mean as much to me anymore. Oh yes Queenie I could have been a good guy at one time in my life. You see Unlike some heroes such as Sportacus I was smart. Yes, beneath this marvelous exterior of mine I had a brain. I knew what living the life of a super hero would cost. I knew the truth and I knew the cost was too high,the rewards were too few.So naturally I changed. If I hadn't, I would not be who I am today. So in other words I regret nothing."
I wondered if this story was true for I still see traces of sadness in his eyes.
He shoved the mirror out of the way in forceful fashion.
"People used to listen to me, now there's no one left to listen. Why am I a villain?Villains are supposed to have all the fun. Why am I not having any fun? Because Robbie you're cleaning. Real villains don't clean. Real villains hire little minions to do the hard stuff for them. Maybe I need an assistant. Oh that will never happen!
No one and I mean no one would ever apply for that job. Nobody would even volunteer.
Oh come on! I'm not that difficult to work with am?
Oh yes you are. You might not work but you're certainly a difficult individual."
He was yet again standing in front of the mirror, inspecting his teeth at great length. I would volunteer. I would willingly serve him as both maid and accomplice. Villains don't have side kicks, only heroes have those. Villains have accomplices.
The sad thing is nobody is asked me.What's worse is Robbie never once asked me anything. Oh sure he asked me couple of quick rhetorical questions. Sometimes I wish Robbie wasn't so stuck on himself. I wish he was more considerate sometimes. Sometimes I wish he wasn't such a child. I just wish he'd grow up somehow.