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Dreams of Alpha Lupi

- Ghost Fragment of The Traveler

You have lived as invisibly as possible, flicking from solar system to solar system, making grand plans, overseeing the culturing of civilizations, before leaving in a blink. But you have no recollection of ever wanting worship or even thanks from those blessed by you.

But memory is heavy now.

It feels like lead and neutronium and electroweak matter fashioned into a moon-sized ball that you must carry as you move.

Now, your flight is rapid, your vast mind infected with such dread and toxic doubt that you find yourself afraid of the simple act of thought.

And it is your children you must turn to now, in time of need.

Many Years Ago

"Hello, Sara."

She smirked at him with a casual familiarity in the air as she walked through the door, closing it behind her. "Hello, Clovis. You wanted to see me?"

Clovis just sighed. That was odd. "Huh, you never like it when we call you by your first name."

"I think that, for once, we must act as equals- as friends, for this discussion."

She tilted her head curiously, but listened, and sat down in the chair on the opposite side of his desk.

The Exo program's success had been revealed with resounding support and incredible reactions. Many were calling it the next step in human evolution, perhaps the greatest bound in scientific progress in mankind's history.

But that was all good for Clovis; as for her, all she cared about was getting out. They'd been unveiled nearly two months ago, and had another two weeks before those from Earth would be transported back to be reunited with families. They'd all been asked who they would like to contact to inform of the fact that they weren't in fact dead, but had rather been converted to Exos; of course, Sara had already had an answer, had known the answer for well over a year now. Who better to be the first to see her alive and well, to reunite with than him?

That last night they'd had together… she had made a promise by agreeing to the Exo program, a promise that it wouldn't be the last one like they'd thought. Only two weeks, and he'd be there to greet her at the shuttle, to take her home, to see that she had made good on that promise…

Clovis looked at her, a pained look in his eye. "As you know, the staff has been notifying all of the individuals whose names we were given by you all, so that we could prepare families and friends for the shocking revelation of having a loved one effectively come back from the dead."

She nodded. To be honest, she hadn't thought that she'd ever come out of her depression… but since she, Amelia, and Reynard had made the recordings, and the Exos had been publicly announced, her mood had done nothing but improve. She was genuinely happy, eager to go home, and excited to see him again. It had been nearly three years since she had died. What was he thinking, now that he'd been told? She couldn't wait to speak to him again, for him to see that the impossible had happened, and that his best friend wasn't dead after all.

"Obviously, since we're coming up on a two to four year range since the majority of the first wave of Exos died, the outside world has continued to change. There have been… incidents, and events that have transpired out there since you all were last alive."

She continued to listen, but she couldn't help but notice a waver in his tone. She grew nervous, felt the gel-like liquid that accounted for blood flowing quicker through her vein-like tubes. Was the release of the Exos being delayed? She'd be fine with that, as long as it wasn't too long-

"We were unable to contact Mr. Woods."

Those words chilled her, caused her to stop processing anything else for a second. But she attempted to pick herself up and recover.

"Surely, there's an explanation for it?"

Clovis nodded remorsefully. "Indeed, there is."

She sighed with relief. She'd been worried there for a second, but Clovis was going to explain reasonably why they couldn't make contact with him.

"There's no easy way to say this, but… Woods is dead."

Everything stopped.

That was impossible. It couldn't be.

She shook her head ever so slightly. "That's… that's not true."

Clovis gave no reaction, save for the same dead look in his eyes that told her that he hated having to tell her this just as much as she hated being told it.

"I know how hard it is to hear, but-"

"How? How can this be true?" she whispered, grasping at straws in desperation.

"Apparently he had arranged to go hiking cross-country in Russia four months ago. His… body was found on the side of the road before he met with a friend of yours, and it was flown back home for a funeral service." He refused to meet her gaze until he'd finished, and then locked eyes with her. "Believe me, I am… immeasurably sorry for your loss."

And just like that, it was like a light had just gone out inside of her.

Her whole world had just fallen apart. Four months ago, he'd been dead. And he hadn't known.

The Exo project had only been revealed two months ago. Which meant that he never knew about its success.

He was never told she was alive before he died.

She looked to see her hand shaking, almost convulsing on its own. She couldn't keep her emotions under control, she couldn't control her body properly.

She tried to process information, but it was like horns were blaring inside her head. She couldn't think straight.

"You lied to me."

"…What?"

She stared at him, too overwhelmed with grief to feel anger towards him. "You said that you wouldn't let my choice be in vain. You lied."

He looked helplessly at her. "Please, believe me I-"

"He was my best friend. The only reason I woke up in the morning, the only reason I cared about living at all. The reason I agreed to become an Exo, and live again."

Her voice began to waver, the sadness expressing itself thoroughly throughout her mind and body now. "And you just told me that the whole reason I'm still alive is gone."

"Sara! Where are you going? Sara, stop!"

She couldn't remember getting up. Just that she was now running. She didn't know where she was going, just that she needed to be away from the pain.

Left foot. Right foot.

Keep moving.

"Ms. Gray? Ms. Gray, please stop-"

She pushed past whoever was talking, shoving someone aside as she kept moving. "This is Cartman to security, patient four is loose and unbalanced, possibly a danger to herself or others!"

She ignored them, and kept running. They were the pain, they were the sadness. She had to keep moving.

Left foot. Right foot.

Suddenly she walked past the door- the door that she'd first walked through when she'd been born into this new life. Beyond that door was the machine, the thing that had brought her into this world.

The door was going to hurt like she did.

She brought her fist back, and let it fly into the hard metal of the door. It dented under the force, but did not break yet.

"Sara!" She heard the clamber of footsteps behind her, and knew that both Clovis and security were closing fast. She slammed her hand into the metal again, and it crunched finally, and fell to the floor. She walked in.

There it was. The thing that had brought her back from the dead, the crown jewel of the Clovis Bray institute. She moved towards it.

"No, stay out! Let me talk to her!" She heard Clovis argue with the rest of the staff as she made her way over to the pod. A large 04 was printed on the side of it.

Without a moment's hesitation, she smashed her fist into it. She turned her near sensors off so that she couldn't feel the pain, and could keep on smashing.

Smash. Smash. Smash.

She turned behind her to see Clovis standing there. She smashed it again, to show him just what she thought of his machine, all of his genius. All of her anger was coming out in full force.

And she wanted him to see just how much she hated him right now.

He looked sadly at her. "It's alright. Please do smash it; if it helps in any way, I don't care how, then I encourage it."

She heaved from the exertion, confused at his words.

"I know how much pain you must be in right now. How hard of a decision this was to start a second life, and how much has just been taken from you. No other Exo is in a situation like yours."

He stepped closer, trustingly.

"Even if you want to destroy all of the machines, go ahead. I have the money to make more. They're replaceable; a loved one is not. And I'm sorry for your pain. I truly am."

Replaceable. Loved one.

His words were finally starting to hit home with her, and she felt it inside. She looked at her hands, her fingers; mangled and dented from repeatedly smashing into the machinery of the pod.

He's gone.

At that moment, everything ceased to exist but her and the pain. She knew that they were telling the truth, that this was it. Her reason for being was gone. He was gone.

he's gone he's gone he's gone

She fell to her knees in despair, and began to sob. Her whole body became wracked with her anguished cries, and shook violently. He approached her cautiously as orderlies and security began to enter as well.

Too close. They were too close to her. She scooted back like a cornered animal. Why couldn't they let her grieve in peace? One of them tried to approach her.

"Ms. Gray? Please stay calm-"

"GET AWAY!" she cried, still skittering back against the wall. Her whole body was shaking now, not just from the sobs, but from involuntary shudders. Her mind and body were fighting for control, and the blinding sadness was just interfering.

all of it was for nothing

"We're aware that you're hurting, but please stay calm-"

"STAY BACK!"

As she curled into the fetal position, she saw her broken hand again. Wicked, metal, hard to the touch. She hated it. She hated every last inch of her body, down to her artificial eyes, blue ones that glared at her in the mirror and mocked her with memories of how pretty her real blue eyes had looked in her past life.

Her whole body was nothing more than a reminder that she wasn't human anymore, she had died, she was an Exo, she was nothing but metal, and her new life was going to be one without him.

i wish i could die

now i can't

She ripped away at her arm, determined to rid herself of it. She couldn't stand the sight of it, the feel of it, knowing that she was just another machine-

"Security! She's going to hurt herself, please sedate her or something!"

She screamed and clawed at her arm until someone came and forced her to stop by holding her arms. She kicked and cried, and begged. Something was stuck onto her, a metal magnet-like device, and she instantly began to feel her strength ebbing away.

Everything was fading to black. Darker, darker…

All she wanted was to cry. To let out her sorrow, and feel the relieving sensation of wet drops running down her cheeks.

But like the rest of her, her eyes were artificial. Her face was artificial.

And so no tears came.

Ash watched the events of the past burn through her mind's eye, and she felt weak.

She saw herself clawing at her arm. Felt the grief of death in her heart. Felt those smashed hands, testaments to the emotional agony she had endured. All of this in an instant, triggered by that name.

This time, she did not cry out or enter a state of frenzied spasms. She just fell backwards into the wall, and slid down until she was sitting against it on the ground. She had to process these memories and this new, stunning realization that had just been forced upon her.

Matt said nothing for a moment. He just clenched and unclenched his fists repeatedly, forcing himself to remain as calm as he could. Slowly, Ash watched him turn towards the wall, and punch it with quite a substantial amount of force. He let his head rest against the wall, and gave one loud scream of both emotional and physical pain. She recognized that he only punched the wall so that the hurt he was feeling inside would match the pain he was feeling on the outside, and it could be relieved faster.

Nobody said a word for a good minute or so. Ash sat against the wall in shock, Matt faced the opposite wall, and Seraph just looked between the two, at a loss for what to do.

Finally, Matt turned away from the wall, and looked at his Ghost. "Give me dates."

Seraph scanned the records. "I don't understand these numbers, they're from a time that we Ghosts have no knowledge of. I have the earliest record of the first wave associated with 13-04-46, and they all left the facility 24-10-48. Does that mean anything to you?"

Matt pulled his helmet off, and just stared at it for a moment. Without warning, he threw it away angrily with a yell. It clattered to the floor some yards away.

His chest heaved with adrenaline. He said nothing for a moment while both Seraph and Ash watched him.

"Every time I think I've gotten past it… that I've moved on from my old life… something comes back to pull me right back into it, and it tears me apart."

Ash stared numbly at him, all too aware of what he was describing. When she'd found out that she had once been the Warrior, that had been awful. But she had made her life change, had altered it for the better by becoming a Guardian.

This was something else entirely. She had compared herself to Sara for years, wondering if she would ever be as good a friend to Matt as Sara had apparently been, hoping she could be as close to him one day as she had been, and tortured herself with the belief that he wouldn't want her because she wasn't organic.

To find out that you had once been the person that had frightened you the most… it was hell.

"She was here while I was still alive. But she was released when I was already dead."

Seraph hovered cautiously. "You didn't know about any of this?"

"No. She never told me anything about- I never knew that she had volunteered for it."

"You lied to me."

Matt looked over to Ash sharply, where she spoke with a wavering tone. "It wasn't a genetic disease, was it? I keep hearing it in the memories, something different. You told us Sara died of natural causes- but that was a lie, wasn't it?"

He said nothing.

"Tell me, dammit! I have a right to know!"

She waited, unrelenting in her gaze that she locked with him. After a few seconds, he closed his eyes and tightened his fists again with a deep breath.

"Light, regardless of what good it does, it a source of energy. It has an effect, almost like radiation. That's what allows children of light to come into being. But when it first came, there were some people- very few people, whose bodies rejected the light, and could not coexist with it."

He opened his eyes again, and she saw glistening in his eyes. "It seemed fine at first, but as years went on, she began to get sicker and sicker. Something to do with her soul, her very being, was being destroyed by the light. And seeing as the Traveler was there to stay, there was nothing I could do about it."

He wiped his eyes with his gloved hand. "For a long time, I… I hated the Traveler, we both did. We cursed it. Hoped it would go away, or just die."

He breathed in again. "But after she passed, it was easier to see the good that the Traveler had done rather than the bad. Extending human lifespans, curing diseases, upgrading technology at an exponential rate, and almost world peace; I could see why many people thought that the sacrificed lives of a few hundred individuals had been worth it. I felt like I had betrayed her memory by thinking that way."

Ash began to cry. No tears came, but her body was wracked with sobs nonetheless. Matt walked over to her, gently.

She looked at him. "Do… do you know how long I've… how long I've compared myself to Sara? Asking myself w-whether or not I could ever be as good as s-she was? Wondering if you missed her as a friend m-more than me, wanted to be with her more than m-me?"

She held her shaking hands up. "All the times you've told me I'm l-like her… and we never knew that I was her."

He shook his head. "Ash-"

"Why are you even still calling me that? Obviously it's not my r-real name, might as well accept it. I'm nothing but a ghost of a copy of a person… have I always liked you just because I used to be her?" Her shoulders shook uncontrollably. "Am I predisposed to be attracted to you? Are these feelings even real? Are they really mine? I c-can't bear the thought that-"

She covered her face with her hands, and just cried. With nothing really that he could say to comfort her, he rested a hand on her shoulder for a moment, then stood up.

"Seraph, you said that there are recordings?"

The Ghost said nothing, but obediently moved over to the monitor. Sifting through the files once more, she brought up Sara's data.

"Playing the first recording."

He watched as the screen was filled by a camera recording, one that had been made in the same room both he and Ash were currently in. There were three individuals situated on the stage in chairs, and they all faced the camera.

"Alright, first log! I suppose that we should get our reason for doing this out of the way… why exactly are we doing this again?"

"It was your idea!"

"Ah, that's right. Well, I'd say it's to leave a record of our time here, in case we ever wanted to bring a documentation of what the Exos went through before being announced to the public."

"That's…" Matt turned to see Ash cease her crying, and watch the monitor's screen with apprehension. He saw realization dawn in her eyes. He nodded.

"Yeah."

Three Exos. All with white plating and silver highlights. And all with blue eyes, he'd recognize those three anywhere.

The Stranger. The Messenger. And…

He couldn't decide what to call her. What he was saw on the screen was Ash, or rather what Ash had looked like before her plating had been replaced; but he knew it wasn't her, but Sara. Which led to an even more startling realization; that Sara had been the Warrior.

What could have possibly driven Sara down such a path?

"Sounds good enough to me."

"Thought you might like that."

It was so odd to hear them talk so normally. These three would soon become the Assassin, the Messenger, and the Warrior. To hear them, especially him speak like ordinary people… it was incredible.

"Sara, you gonna say anything?"

He felt a knot tighten in his stomach, but braced himself as he waited for her to speak. Behind him, Ash's mouth hung open as she also watched herself speak on the screen.

"I mean, what would I say?"

"Anything you want!"

"…Hi."

"We're making a documentary of mankind's greatest achievement, and you come up with 'hi'? Yeah, maybe Amelia should just take over-"

"Shut up, Reynard."

They teased each other, chatted like friends. It wasn't until Matt saw the recording that he pieced bits together; how similar Ash sounded to Sara when she'd been human, the same mannerisms and syntax, it was all a punch in the gut.

"Anyway, I suppose that we'll just be making these every now and again. To keep up to date with what's going on in our lives. If we don't have some kind of way to interact with the outside world for the next eight months or so, even if it is just in our heads, we'll all go crazy. So stay tuned… viewer? Audience? No one? I mean, for all we know, nobody might ever watch these but Clovis-"

"We'll see you all next time."

"Bye."

"See? I swear, not a drop of creative tho-"

The recording ended.

"How many recordings are there, Seraph?"

"Thirty-four."

"Play them."

And so Matt and Ash watched the progression of time pass before their eyes. Saw how things changed between them. How Sara became less and less depressed with every log. How the three of them acted more like family than friends. Listened to their struggles every day, their adaption to their new bodies, the tests they endured, their excitement at the prospect of going home.

Finally, they reached the end of the recordings, but it refused them access.

"Seraph?"

"This recording's password-protected."

"And you can't just hack it? It's a simple password."

"This tech is thousands of years old. You might as well ask me to hack a wooden door with a latch."

He let out a sigh of frustration. How was he supposed to know the password to something they made well over a thousand years ago? If it was truly important to her, than what would Sara have-

The barest glimmer of hope sparked in his chest.

"Gray Woods."

"What?"

"Try 'gray woods'."

Seraph pulsed for a moment. "I have access."

Ash turned to Matt. "How did you know that?"

"It used to be our name for ourselves. The names fit too well together to pass it up. I just haven't used my last name in so long… I almost forgot all about it. Look, I'm sorry that-"

"Hello, Matt."

Ash heard her own voice speak words that were not hers, and watched as Matt became silent and turned towards the monitor. Sara was sitting alone this time, no company around her. Rather than the many times that she had appeared to be distant and dejected in the first few recordings, she finally looked happy. Excitement flitted across her features.

Ash held a hand to her own mouth, tracing the outer edges of her lips. It was startling to think that she herself had once sat in that chair, well over a thousand years ago, and was now hearing herself.

"Amelia and Reynard aren't here, I told them that I wanted to record just one by myself before we're allowed to go home. They don't have any personal ties back on Earth, not like me."

Matt watched intently, holding onto every word that his dead friend spoke. She smiled at the screen.

"I wanted to say I'm sorry."

He felt a lump in his throat.

"I'm sorry I never told you about this decision. When, hopefully, you watch this later with me, I want you to see that I never wanted to cause you any pain. I never wanted you to go thinking I had suddenly come back from the dead without wishing that you hadn't gone… well, nearly three years without me for no reason. At least, I think that's how long it's been since I died."

"It wasn't my choice, but it was necessary; if word had leaked, if the project hadn't been a success, then everyone would have been crushed by the false hope that such knowledge would have provided. I didn't really think this would work; I didn't want you to hold onto some idea that I would come back only for it to blow up in your face. I thought I was sparing you pain, but with only a month before we go home, I feel like you would have hurt no matter what."

Wetness cascaded down his cheek. He ignored it.

"The only thing that's kept me going this long is the thought of you. You told me that night… our last night… that a life without me wasn't worth living. I hate to be unoriginal, but I must admit that I feel the same about you. You're my everything, from the best friend I grew up with, to the one that I want to spend the rest of my life with."

"Nobody else is meant to see this. I'm gonna take this recording with me when I head back home so I can show you; they should have already notified you that I'm alive and well, and that I wanted you to be the first to meet me when I return. I hope you're as excited to see me again as I am to see you."

"I want you to see that I made a promise when I agreed to become an Exo; I did it because I love you. I did it because I can't imagine a life without you. I've literally cheated death because …"

He waited for her to finish, his heart unable to take much more of this.

"… because best friends don't abandon each other. And I'm not giving up on you."

The recording ended.

Both Matt and Ash were silent for a moment or two. Slowly, they faced one another. They saw each other not just as they were, but as what they had once been as well. Friends, lovers, family. It was shockingly similar to how close they were today.

As though they could sense what the other was thinking, they mutually embraced one another.

Ash held Matt to comfort him in light of his newfound knowledge of Sara's fate.

Matt held Ash to console her from the rude awakening in discovering who she had once been.

Then he held her out at arms length as both Seraph and Whip circled them, cautious and watchful of their Guardians.

"Ash," he started, and her mouth opened slightly in confusion. He was still calling her by her chosen name; why?

He ensured that they kept eye contact. "Look at me. I want you to know that every word out of my mouth is heartfelt, it's not pity. It's what I know to be true."

She waited.

"You are not Sara; you will never be Sara." He held a finger up to stop her as she moved to interrupt. "Yes, I know what we just saw. It still hurts me even now, so please just let me finish."

She closed her mouth.

"You both share the same body; you share the same personality, the same history, and even to a degree, you share the same memories. But your souls are different. Sara… was the Warrior." He shook his head in disbelief. "She had to have been. I don't know what ever caused her to go down that route, but the fact remains that she did. The Warrior came back for a few minutes within you a few years ago, remember? At the beginning of the battle for the Traveler, when we were at the Tower and the Messenger gave you that crystal?"

She nodded, the scene all but permanently stored in her head.

"The Warrior… Sara made a decision. She crushed that crystal, and gave you back to us. Whip was able to resurrect you from the light within you, but Sara's body rejected the light; in a way, you've always been a part of her, but you are not one and the same."

He sighed. "As much as I miss her, as I will always miss her… she's dead. She's gone, and there's nothing either of us can do about it. But she died so that you could live on. Because you are your own person. Are you predisposed to liking me, and am I predisposed to liking you? Maybe. But that's just because of the way our personalities attract, how they match; it doesn't make our feelings any less real, and just because I did love Sara, I won't ever stop loving her… it doesn't mean that I love Ash any less. Do you understand?"

He stared into those electric-blue eyes of hers. She stared back into the sea-green eyes of his.

"You can never compare yourself to Sara because you're not her; you are Ash. And believe me when I say; I love you for that."

Blue and green had been together before.

Green and blue were together now.

It didn't make a whole lot of sense as he thought about it, but… somehow it did, in a way. This was just the way things were meant to be.

She pulled him tighter into another hug, and they stood there, helping each other process the pain that they'd gone through today. With the cementing of a relationship between them that they'd made several days prior, they had vowed that they'd never be alone in their suffering; that they would always at least have each other.

This was no exception. They would get through this, however long it took them to do so. But they wouldn't let their demons of the past keep them from enjoying life in the present.

Gray and Woods had their time. Now, it was Ash and Matt's.

A/N: And in celebration of reaching 50,000 lifetime readers, here is the 50th chapter! I wanted to make this one much longer than normal, kind of reminiscent of the first book, and I wanted to make sure it was written extraordinarily well. When it came to such a pivotal moment like this, the last thing I would ever want to do would be to ruin it with bad writing.

I can't thank you all enough for sticking with me so far, and for so many chapters. It's been nearly a year and a half since I started this series, and I can't believe the following it has achieved. Thank you all so much for that.

Rest assured, this is not the end of 'Tooth and Claw'. Just this arc with Matt and Ash, for the most part. We still need to see Aria track down Skolas, and kick some Fallen ass. What do Variks, an insane Kell, the citadel, and a certain Awoken Warlock all have in common?

They're all gonna be here real soon.

Remember to favorite, follow, and review! Oh man, I hope you guys liked reading this chapter as much as I liked writing it.

Until the next time,

- Matteoarts