The Words

CS genre: Canon divergence (4x22)

A/N: A good portion of the dialog in this one comes directly from the episode, so sadly I can't take credit. Now, of course, I do take credit for the dialog from the point of divergence on :-)

Killian woke with a gasp, disoriented. After a moment he realized he was back in the Charming's loft, just where he'd been when he'd been sucked into the author's twisted alternate universe. He sat up slowly, hand going to his back, sucking in a tentative breath, expecting the blinding pain to reassert itself. To his relief, he found himself to be as whole and sound as he'd been before the whole ordeal had begun. Apparently his stab wound didn't survive the return to reality.

It was strange, this dichotomy within himself. His true memories and life were restored, but he still had this other Killian, the tentative, cowardly version, within himself as well. Was this what the residents of Storybrooke had gone through when the Dark Curse was broken? Was this what his sweet love had experienced after drinking the memory potion in New York?

Emma! Henry!

Memories of his last glimpses of them rushed through his mind as he leapt to his feet. What had become of them after his sacrifice? Surely the fact that he'd been returned to this reality proved that they'd succeeded, that they'd weathered the storm.

Killian looked around, concerned to find the ground floor completely devoid of a certain precocious thirteen-year-old who he was beginning to love as a son. Perhaps the lad had awoken before him? Perhaps he'd made his way to the bedroom he shared with his mother?

"Henry? Are you here lad?" Killian called as he took the stairs two at a time. He swiveled his head around, taking in the empty room just as he heard Emma's parents stir below—followed quickly by the opening and closing of the door.

"Hook! Where is he?"

Killian's heart turned over at the panic in Emma's voice, the utter desperation. He closed his eyes for a mere breath, love overwhelming him. No matter what the Crocodile or the bloody author might have changed, there was one thing that remained, pure and steady through it all. He would always love her. No matter the time, no matter the place, no matter the situation, no matter the curse he was placed under. He would always love her with a devotion that could transcend everything.

He'd felt that love stirring within him the first moment his cursed self saw her. She was a vision, an angel with hair of spun gold, as she collided with him in that tower. She'd looked up at him with such devotion, such joy, that for the first time in his miserable, cowardly life, he'd felt as though he mattered; as though there was a purpose for his life; as though someone cared whether he lived or died. He'd known then, in that first moment, that there was utterly nothing he wouldn't do for this woman.

That first, initial surge of love had grown and spread like a wild fire, raging out of control. It had been so strong, so all-consuming that he'd overcome his natural cowardice and fought for her, died for her.

Suddenly it came home to him. They were here; they were alive. Evil had been defeated yet again and he was united with the woman who was his everything. Joy leapt from his chest as he leaned against the balcony railing, peering down at his Swan.

"Yeah, sorry about the mess," he said, heart leaping once again at the look of relief and aching, desperate joy that transformed her features at the sound of his voice. "I really needed to find that book, and I'm usually a bit tidier."

She bounded up the stairs, running for all she was worth, tackling him to the bed with the force of her hug, breathing his name like a prayer, giggling in her relief.

"How many times do I have to tell you, love? I'm a survivor." he said, grinning as she pushed herself up far enough that she could see his face, captured his hand above his head. "Look, I didn't mean to cause any panic. I woke moments before your parents and came up here looking for your boy."

"He's fine, Henry's fine. I'm just glad you are too." she said, her voice soft and breathy, her eyes shining with happiness.

But there was something else there…something fearful, something intense. "What is it?"

Emma pulled at him until they were seated, faces separated by a mere whisper. "When I…watched you die, I was afraid I was never going to get a chance to tell you something…"

"Tell me what?"

"That I…" She stopped, smile sliding from her face, brows furrowing.

He knew what she wished to say, felt it with the certainty of his own love for her. But he also saw her fear, her disappointment with herself. He wished to hear the words more than anything he'd wished for decades, but not like this. Not in fear and desperation. More than anything, he wished to comfort her, to bring back her angelic smile.

"It's alright love," he said, bringing his hand to her face, caressing the dimple in her chin with his thumb. "You needn't go on. Whatever you wish to say can wait until you're ready. And when you are, I'll be right here beside you, continuing to love you with every fiber of my being."

She sucked in a quick breath, her eyes widening. "You've never said it before," she breathed, moving her own hand to tangle in his hair. "I…I know how you feel, but you've never told me you love me."

He smiled tenderly and closed the distance between them, kissing her softly, gently, letting the embrace linger. When he pulled away he continued to hold her, letting his hand caress her satiny cheek. "Of course I have, Swan," he said in a soft voice. "A million times, in a million different ways. But, in the interest of making it a million and one, Emma Swan, you are the very heart that beats in my chest. I love you to the depths of my soul."

A single tear slid down her cheek, and she leaned forward, returned his kiss. This one was longer, tinged with far more passion. Killian didn't need the words, not if she didn't wish to say them. Her kiss was more eloquent in its love declaration than any words she could have spoken.

After long moments, Emma broke the kiss, sat back and took a deep breath. Killian saw the love and the resolution in her eyes. "Killian, I.." she began, cleared her throat and then began again. "I love you, too."

He hugged her too him, burying his face in the mass of her hair, ashamed to feel the tears pricking at the back of his eyes. "I know, my love, my sweetest love. I know," his voice was hoarse with emotion, "but hearing the words…Swan, I could die this moment knowing I achieved perfect happiness."

She laughed, a light, tinkling sound, then pecked him gently on the lips and pushed him so he was once again prone on her bed. "I don't think so. I think you've done enough dying for one day. I'm thinking maybe it's time we take advantage of the moment of peace we have before the next crisis hits. The way this town works we probably only have fifteen minutes or so before Leroy runs through town yelling 'Terrible news!' again."

Killian grinned. There were many, many, many things he loved about Emma Swan, but at this moment what he loved the most was the way she thought.

Notes:

-Only 2 more Fridays left in the hiatus after today!

-I get why they had Emma's love declaration happen when it happened in canon. I mean, it was a big moment, and they wanted to give it maximum dramatic impact, hence why she finally said the words just before she sacrificed herself. Jen also had a very eloquent answer (as per her usual) at SDCC about how she really understood and connected with Emma not being able to say the ILY on the bed in her loft; that sometimes when something is so good, so perfect, you're afraid to speak it out loud in fear that you might ruin it.

-Even so…I think the fact that she was unable to say the words on the bed was a source of great frustration for many fans, for Killian, and even for Emma herself…..which makes it a perfect opportunity for a canon divergence! I wanted to have Emma say ILY there, but I wanted to keep the scene as authentic as possible—keeping Emma's fears and giving her a believable reason/way to overcome them. What better way than to have Killian help her and reassure her by saying it first?

-Up next: Deleted scene. During the six weeks of peace Emma and Killian decide to enjoy a quiet moment. Killian planned their first date; Emma decides to return the favor and simultaneously give him a lesson in 21st century dating practices.