An Introduction by Raven
To the Princess Myrcella Baratheon
Let me make it clear, my lady, that I have no desire whatever to enter into this correspondence, and that I am being forced to do so by my father, Prince Doran. My disdain for your royal mother's family is such that a marriage between us can only be viewed by myself as a reprehensible, but necessary needs to an end; an end which I do not desire to begin with. I feel it only right to inform you that when we are wed, I shall endeavour to see you only on formal occasions and when the time comes for our coupling. In the latter case, I would beg you to simply strip and assume the position, and not to feel obliged to make any unnecessary conversation.
I am, my lady, your most obedient servant
Prince Trystane Martell
My dear Prince Trystane
Fuck off.
With warmest regards
Princess Myrcella
My dear Princess Myrcella
Your counsel is so dubious that I would have you follow it first and inform me of the results.
Ever yours
Prince Trystane
Dornish oaf.
Spoilt brat.
Are you aware, my prince, that I have become proficient with a bow since my royal mother's death?
My dear Princess Myrcella
If that statement was meant to disturb me, I assure you it has only had the effect of making me collapse laughing.
My dear Prince Trystane
I have heard that collapsing laughing with an arrow protruding from your rear-end can be painful.
M
My dear Princess Myrcella
What if I collapse sideways?
T
My dear Prince Trystane
Have you no understanding of mathematics?
M
My dear Princess Myrcella
What's that got to do with anything?
T
My dear Prince Trystane
If you are hit from behind with a certain velocity, you tend to fall forwards. Hard.
M
My dear Princess Myrcella
And what would a princess know of these matters?
T
My dear Prince Trystane
I am interested in artillery.
M
My dear Princess Myrcella
I beg to inform you that archery is not artillery.
T
My dear Prince Trystane
I beg to inform you that catapults are.
M
My dear Princess Myrcella
Are you threatening me?
T
My dear Prince Trystane
How very perceptive you are.
M
My dear Princess Myrcella
I shall show this letter to my lord father tonight.
T
My dear Prince Trystane
I beg you not to wait so long as that.
M