Taking Back Neverland—pt. 8

CS Genre: AU (Actors who "hate" each other)

Emma took a long sip from her bottle of water, pausing to push a damp, sweaty lock of hair behind her ear before sipping again. It had been a demanding day on set. They'd spent long hours filming action scenes—the heroes finally discovering Pan's ultimate goal and then rushing to Skull Rock to stop him from taking Henry's heart.

It wasn't merely the physical demands that left her exhausted and thoroughly drained; there were the emotions as well. She figured only an actor could truly appreciate how exhausting it was to work yourself into a state of high emotion—and stay there for hours on end.

But if Emma was being thoroughly honest with herself, it wasn't merely the exhaustion of portraying strong emotions that was tiring her, it was…how very close to home those emotions hit. In the movie, she was reacting to losing her son, to watching as he gave his heart to Pan, naively believing he was saving magic, to watching him crumple to the ground unconscious.

Emma knew what it was like to lose her son. Granted, her boy hadn't died—that she knew of, at least—but she'd lost him all the same. She'd lost him before she'd ever been able to see him. She doubted she'd ever forget the sound of those strong little cries as the nurses cleaned him up after his birth. She'd turned her head aside, determined not to even look at him, because if she did, she knew she'd break. Her arms that ached to hold him would take him and she'd never, never be able to let him go.

She blinked the tears back, sniffing lightly. She'd been emotional enough today—even if it was just acting—she wasn't going to break down again. She wasn't! That time, no matter how painful, was over. She'd moved on with her life, and if she occasionally thought about her son, her little boy, wondered where he was and what he was doing, if he was happy….well, she tried to keep those times to a minimum. She'd done what she had to to give him his best chance, and she just had to trust it had worked out for him.

"Alright there, Swan?"

Her heart stuttered and then began to race at the warm, concerned sound in Killian's accented voice. It was a good voice; a soothing voice. Something like…smooth hot chocolate with a hint of spice…cinnamon, maybe.

She took a deep breath, surprised (and maybe a little dismayed) at her reaction. They hadn't filmed together today and it was the first time she'd so much as seen him since their last scene together two days ago.

"Yeah," she said, pasting on a smile. "Just one of those days where it's all emotional scenes all the time."

He nodded sympathetically. "Ah yes," he said. "Hard to turn off the emotion after hours of ginning it up, aye?"

"Something like that," she answered, having the sudden desire to talk to him, to let him know how very close to home the scene had truly come, to bare to him all her heartache over that worst day of her life.

But things were weird between them now, had been ever since the kiss scene a week and a half ago. The friendship, easy camaraderie they'd had when they first started filming together was just…gone.

It was her fault; she knew it was. The first day on set after her conversation with Mary Margaret, Killian had come up to her after they wrapped for the day.

"Swan," he said, fidgeting slightly, his thumb and fingers tapping against each other. "If you've a moment, I have something I'd like to speak to you about."

He was nervous; that much was plain, and his nerves naturally put her a little on edge. Whatever he wanted to say to her was big, important, and…she just wasn't sure she was ready for it yet; didn't know if she'd ever be.

"I've got dinner plans with Ruby," she said shortly, "so make it quick."

He sighed, glanced at the ground for a moment, and reached up to scratch behind his ear. After a moment, he seemed to get ahold of himself, straightening, looking her firmly in the eye, and swaying toward her slightly.

"Swan," he began again, in a voice firm with resolve, "it's perhaps time we discuss the elephant in the room."

Oh this wasn't starting well. This wasn't starting well at all. Emma didn't talk about elephants in the room. She ignored them, avoided them at all costs, going so far as to run away from the room if necessary, and let the gigantic creatures trumpet their unnaturally long trunks to their hearts' content.

But something about the way Killian was looking at her, with gentleness as well as resolve, with care for her as well as nervousness for himself, left her rooted to place.

"Emma…" he began again, "you cannot be unaware that that kiss we shot…it was not merely acting for me. You know I've developed feelings for you."

Her heart started racing. "Killian…it was just a kiss! It wasn't…"

He stopped her with a raised hand. "I know love; please let me finish."

She sighed, but nodded.

"I know you're not ready, you're still tentative because you had your heart broken, but you know what? I'm glad for it."

She crossed her arms, narrowing her eyes at him. "You're glad I got my heart broken?"

"Aye," he said, stepping closer to her, "because if it's broken, it means it still works."

"Killian…"

He stopped her again. "I need you to know, Emma, that I'm in this for the long haul, I'd follow you to the end of the world or time, but I have no desire, none at all, to pressure you or make you uneasy. To that end, I'm going to back off. Just know if you ever need anything, anything at all, you've but to let me know."

And then he was gone, leaving so abruptly she didn't even have time to respond. Not that she could have formed coherent sentences after a speech like that delivered with Killian's particular brand of intensity.

And over the last week and a little more, he'd carefully kept his promise. They barely spoke, save for what their characters said to each other on screen. Whereas before, they'd often head to the break room together during on-set breaks, content to sit in companionable silence, now…well, she went to the break room, but he nodded politely to her and headed in the opposite direction.

She wouldn't admit it, least of all to him, but she missed him.

"Yeah," she said, bringing her mind back to the conversation at present. "There's nothing about watching your onscreen son give his heart to a psychopath and then collapse over and over and over again that isn't rough emotionally speaking."

His eyes became even more concerned, and he reached his hand out as though to grasp her arm but pulled it back at the last moment. "Well at least that should be one of the last scenes of such negative emotion. Tomorrow we film you and your sister retrieving the lad's heart and then restoring him to life."

"Yeah," she said smiling. "Can you believe we only have a few more scenes to shoot? Seems like these few months have flown by."

"Indeed they have."

"So," she said casually, "you got plans for tonight? I thought I'd see if David and Mary Margaret and some of the rest wanted to go out for drinks later. Well, I suppose Mary Margaret wouldn't be up for drinks—at least not the fun kind—in her current condition, but it's always good to have a designated driver, right?"

She was starting to babble, and her face reddened more with every ridiculous word she said. What was the big deal? She was just asking a co-worker to hang out with her—and several others—after work. Not like she was asking for a date or anything.

She knew what he was going to say before he opened his mouth. The slightly pained look in his eyes gave it away. "I'd love to join you, Swan, but I'm afraid I already have plans."

At that moment, his lively, blonde agent walked in and walked their way. "You have plans with Tink? Wait…are you two…?"

"No!" the lady in question said quickly.

"Perhaps," Killian said, hand going to his belt buckle, leaning back with a ridiculous amount of swagger, tongue doing positively indecent things to the corner of his mouth. "Jealous, Swan?"

She scoffed. "You wish!"

She turned, ready to stalk off, when he stopped her with a hand to her arm. "Wait, love. The lady is right. There's nothing of a personal nature going on here. We've merely scheduled a business dinner to suggest potential projects once this film wraps."

Emma felt a swift and immediate rush of relief…which, of course, annoyed the crap out of her. What the hell did she care if he was dating Tink or not? He could date all the women within a twenty mile radius for all she cared!

"Well, have fun," she said, turning away. "See you…whenever we film again."

He looked like he wished to speak again, but contented himself with a mere nod before heading off with his bubbly agent.

"You know, he really likes you," Emma heard from behind her. She turned around to find herself face to face with her "son" Henry.

"I don't know, Henry," she said, skeptically.

"Well I do," Henry said earnestly.

"Sometimes things are…more complicated…than they look," Emma hedged. "I know it's probably hard to understand, but things can be kind of…messy…with adults."

Henry rolled his eyes and sighed. "You know, Emma, grown-ups never think kids know things. They always say we can't understand! I understand things."

Emma smiled, in spite of herself. There was something so earnest and open about this kid. She couldn't help but be drawn to him. "Guess you're right. Maybe we aren't fair all the time."

He grinned up at her, and for a moment her breath caught. That grin was so familiar. Reminded her a bit of Neal…back before he'd revealed himself to be a total crap person. He had that same kind of…joyful carefree spirit.

Emma had gotten to know Henry quite a bit over the last week or two. With things being so…weird between her and Killian, Emma spent more time in between takes hanging out around set, watching other scenes being filmed. The kid was really a pretty good little actor. She bought what he was selling.

Then they'd filmed a few scenes that Anna and Henry had together, and Emma got to know the kid even more. He was smart and idealistic. Always saw the best in everyone. Had more faith in…everything…than Emma had ever seen.

Regina couldn't have possibly cast a better person for the "truest believer".

Emma felt a quick pang as she thought about how very close they were coming to the end of filming. The thought of wrapping for good…and maybe never seeing Henry again, never getting to work this closely with him, well it didn't set well. They'd really become close, and she'd miss the little guy.

"I know you've been kind of sad lately," Henry said, looking up at her with serious brown eyes. "And I know you and Killian haven't been such good friends. I just…I think he misses you as much as you miss him."

"I don't…" she began.

He stopped her with another groan. "Yes you do, Emma!" he said. "I can see the way you look at him…and the way he looks at you. All gross and mushy and stuff. Maybe you should talk to him. Tell him you like him…"

Emma felt the nerves kick in. She didn't want to like him. She didn't want these feelings she could no longer deny to herself she felt. Falling for someone—it was making yourself vulnerable, and she didn't do vulnerable.

But what good was protecting your heart if you ended up miserable anyway? Yeah, maybe he'd break her heart, but, well, maybe not. Maybe this fire between them would settle into something really, really good. Something that had forever written all over it. And if things went south later, at least she'd have the good memories they made together.

Maybe…and Emma couldn't believe she was even thinking this…maybe it was time to take a leap of faith.

"Maybe you're right, kid," she said, ruffling his hair.

"Of course I am," he said with that same sunny grin. "And, Emma…I think you're really cool. I think you should be happy, and I think Killian would make you happy."

"Alright, Henry, you convinced me," she finally said, the butterflies going crazy in her stomach at the decision she was making. "I'll ask him out next time I see him."

Notes:

-Happy Friday! (And happy two days before the finale!) Last Sunday's episode was an emotional roller coaster, wasn't it? I loved the joyful CS reunion, but…Robin! (I still refuse to believe he's gone for good. I might just be in denial, but it makes me happy, so yeah. Robin's totally coming back! *shh* Let me live in my land of ridiculous optimism!)

-So, Emma clearly misses Killian in this chapter after he backed off. But…she finally made up her mind to take the plunge and give him a chance. Yay!

-Up next: The last chapter! Emma follows through and asks Killian out. Will he say yes? (lol, duh!) The filming wraps up with a very happy Anna/Hook scene that's inspired by the end of the Neverland arc, and there are all kinds of interesting revelations at the subsequent cast party…