Chapter 4: Keep You Safe and Always Will

The morning autumn sun shone brightly as activity began to increase around the army camp. Lu Bu strolled tiredly, stretching his big muscular arms as he observed the tall walls merging with the blue skies. He yawns and looks around him, eyes narrow and not ready to begin the day. He stops when he notices a brown-haired girl in the distance.

Behind the army base building was a small patch of flowers that grow there. No one knows how or when they started growing there, but they are colourful and bloom every year without interference. Lu Bu grunts and then huffs in frustration, all he wanted was to get more hours of sleep but thanks to commander 'everyone must be up by 6', such privilege was not attainable. Training would begin promptly and there was a daft girl collecting flowers to waste his time, Lu Bu could feel his bad mood intensifying as he approached her, his brows slightly unknotting as her auburn hair glistens in the sunlight and flows with the wind.

"What are you doing?" Lu Bu asks, his gruff voice sounding louder than intended startling the girl. She jumps, and then turns slowly aware that she shouldn't have been there.

"I'm so sorry sir" She bows and Lu Bu is taken aback by the beauty of her face, her face?

Lu Bu stares in confusion, his eyes pinned on the brown-haired girl, she blinks tilting her head, her bangs fall against her soft cheeks, and her hair flows down her shoulders gracefully. Shoulders? Lu Bu's brows furrow as he stares at her shoulders and then he looks back at her face finding it hard to look away. Her beauty is ethereal but…

"I was looking at the flowers that's all" She lies, hiding a bunch behind her back as the wind steals some of the petals.

Lu Bu frowns as his confusion grows, he notices a pink flower in her hair, but the voice…

"You- you shouldn't be here" Lu Bu tries to reprimand as her brown honey eyes look at him full of innocence.

"I'm sorry sir, I will be on my way" She bows and Lu Bu tilts his head to look at her, as she tries to walk away hiding the flowers not so discreetly.

"Wait" Lu Bu calls, his brows still furrowed his face puzzled and angry looking. "What's your name?" He tries to sound assertive.

"Guan Suo sir" He answers and waits a moment unsure if he wanted him to wait as more petals showered from the bunch of flowers he pathetically tried to disguise. Lu Bu stared at his muscular chest and arms, Guan Suo smiled politely and walked away quickly. Lu Bu scratched his head as he watched him leave.

Later on, at the demonstration, Lu Bu approached Yu Jin who seemed to struggle to follow his own 6 am rule, he sat on his chair as a physical presence, his mind was still asleep.

"Lu Bu, ah, how did you sleep?" Xiahou Dun asked not waiting for an answer, his back turned to attend to preparing some papers. He was the only one ready to perform his duties this morning.

"Suo… is it a female name or male name?" Lu Bu asked quietly. Yu Jin took a moment to turn to look at him.

"How am I supposed to know?" Yu Jin replied moodily.

"Girl maybe?" Dun continued to rummage in his things. "Why?" Dun turned curiously.

"Nothing" Lu Bu brushed off smacking himself on the head to focus and cracking his fingers. "Let's crush some maggots" Lu Bu announced walking on to begin. Xiahou Dun squatted next to his wooden box of papers, glancing at Yu Jin and shaking his head lightly as the older man sat there staring into space, his head only kept upright by his hand supporting it.

Dun then turned to the new recruits scanning the faces, no Guan Ping. He seems agitated by his absence but tells himself he could be further down and harder to see… Or that he was avoiding him?

The day went by as normal, gruelling, and full of intense activities for the new starved cadets. Lu Bu yelled his lungs out till dawn, causing a few to wet themselves and another pair to breakdown in tears. Dun assisted him although less harsh, and Yu Jin sat there as per usual. Every now and then he takes out a metal hip flask and sips out of it as he coldly watches the new recruits suffer.

Later that evening the recruits ate their pitiful portions of dinner and were excused to their rooms for the night. Lu Bu left for his, and Xiahou Dun and Yu Jin to theirs.

An eerie silence fell upon the place and the sound of squeaking mice signalled the hallways were empty of human activity. Guan Ping opened the door slightly, ensuring the path was clear, the flickering light annoys him and reminds him of last night as he slips out covered in an old cover he found in the store room. His face is pale and flushed off colour and blood stains still lightly cover his skin despite his attempts to wipe it off. He continues down shivering tremendously and looking like he'd seen ghosts. He stands in front of Yu Jin's office, there's light shining through the door frame, he reaches to knock his hand not able to remain steady but he hesitates and takes it back. He looks over his shoulder to the stairs leading upwards to the cadet rooms.

Do I admit to what I did? Or do I hide like a coward to save myself, they would surely kill me. Have you looked in to commander Yu Jin's eyes? There's no compassion inside that man. He's colder than ice, and my hands are just about the same right now.

He pulled the blanket tighter on himself, and put one hand on the wall to support his poor balance. The sound of chatter inside, though its 1 am. He stopped thinking for a minute and knocked, butterflies punching through his stomach with nothing to let out. There was no response for a while, he thought he was being given a chance to walk away, but then the door swung open and Xiahou Dun appeared. "Guan Ping?" His tone was enough to alert Yu Jin something had happened.

Guan Ping felt the air struggle to reach his lungs. Xiahou Dun was shocked and disturbed to see him and in that particular state, he cautiously pulled the door behind him so it was left open just a crack, but Guan Ping's gaze had already met Yu Jin's over Dun's shoulder, he'd glanced sharply like an eagle, his eyes wary and his mind alert.

"What's wrong?" Xiahou Dun whispered loudly, his chest tense and appearing like he was holding his breath. "Guan Ping what happened?!" Dun held him by the shoulders and shook him, and then pinned him to the wall next to the door roughly. "Speak!" He growled losing his temper.

Guan Ping's eyes glinted in the darkness. "I-I killed someone" He stutters, appearing shaken by Dun's aggressiveness and regretful to have approached.

Xiahou Dun's lips parted in bewilderment and he moved his hands off him placing them on the wall. "Are you hurt?" He asks more calmly or as calm as a bad-tempered person can sound.

Guan Ping shakes his head and swallows.

"What happened?" He asks again impatiently, trying to maintain calmness.

"He was hurting someone, she was crying, he was on top of her, I went to get something to stop him, but when I came back she was gone, and he was laughing, he was happy, he-" Guan Ping spoke quickly, barely catching his breath in between, his eyes appear dark as he speaks.

Xiahou Dun's gaze continues to look concerned and perhaps unconvinced, but then Yu Jin swings the door open and Guan Ping moves back against the wall scared for his life. He'd heard everything, his death glare said it.

"Where?" Yu Jin asks plainly, and Xiahou Dun steps back from Guan Ping as his eyes dart between the two.

Guan Ping uncomfortably tightens the blanket around himself as he leads the way, and Yu Jin furrows his brows before turning the light off in their room and following with Dun. Guan Ping felt numb as he walked on, their footsteps behind him fuelling his anxiety. He paused in front of the store room with the flickering light and leaned against the door frame but didn't go in. Yu Jin pushed past him swiftly and Dun followed as he stayed outside avoiding looking back in.

Yu Jin and Xiahou Dun squatted down next to the carcass, it had begun to smell, they both gaped at the man's injuries, and then Dun's eyes widened as though he'd read his mind, racing Yu Jin for the door before he could get a hold of Guan Ping. Guan Ping was startled he dropped his blanket and froze to the wall before Xiahou Dun's back pushed into his chest sheltering him from Yu Jin's wrath.

"Yu Jin calm down!" Xiahou Dun pleaded his hands out in front of him to anticipate his sudden movements.

"Get out of my face!" Yu Jin yelled pulling his own hair with one hand and his other fist turning white from how hard he tensed it. "Do you know what you've done?! You bastard?!". Yu Jin paced back and forth like a lunatic.

"Yu Jin, you heard what he said, the commander was assaulting someone" Xiahou Dun defended but it was like he was pouring more fuel to the fire no matter what he said, and Guan Ping clenched his eyes as he hid behind Dun every time Yu Jin leaned forward threateningly.

For all the times I felt like dying this was the worst, and Dun was there like my- no I didn't want him there, I didn't ask him to be, I didn't know what would kill me first, Yu Jin or this crushing feeling of Dun against me, I couldn't stop my mind from spiralling, he's here again, with me, protecting me

Yu Jin raged like a lunatic and then sat against the wall. "Could you have not said anything like a normal person? Did you have to kill him?" Yu Jin transitioned between a logical person and a crazed manic within seconds. "Do you not understand the measure of what you've done?" He asked holding his hands in his head again.

Guan Ping looked at Yu Jin, just his eyes appearing from over Dun's shoulder clueless and terrified.

Why is he…? Scared?

Yu Jin shot up suddenly, walking back into the room where the lifeless body lay, he fetched a lamp from the corner of the room turning it on despite the other light in the room. Xiahou Dun followed in and Guan Ping exhaled slowly.

This isn't the time, but the warmth of your body, it's comforting against me, I wanted more.

Dun appeared to understand immediately that they were to dispose of the body. Guan Ping watched from the corner of the door, chills running down his spine as he shivered. Yu Jin got up towards him and Guan Ping's stomach sank, but he only bent down to snatch the blanket from behind him pushing him when he did it, Xiahou Dun watched appearing agitated at Yu Jin. The commander wrapped the body with the blanket tightly.

"Who was he?" Guan Ping asked quietly, and Yu Jin shot him a glare that indicated he didn't want to hear his voice.

"Commander Han Dang" Xiahou Dun revealed. "Come on, tidy this mess" He urged, suggesting Guan Ping better make himself useful and keep his mouth closed if he didn't want to be strangled to death tonight. Guan Ping complied watchful of Yu Jin's impulsive actions. Yu Jin and Xiahou Dun carried the heavy body out of the room and down the hallway, Guan Ping followed with the lamp in his hands, feeling nauseous and scared as ever yet grateful. The last thing he expected was for them to help him hide the body.

Does that make us all criminals now? Why am I thinking this right now, why are they scared? I'm confused, they had nothing to do with it…?

Yu Jin dropped the body to the floor without warning causing Dun to almost fall onto dead Han Dang's body. "Do you mind?" Xiahou Dun whined angrily. Yu Jin just glared, there was nothing he didn't do without a bad attitude.

Yu Jin pulls the axe from the back of his own pants, Dun got up dusting himself and Yu Jin moves the blanket off and straightens Han Dang's arm, and then struck his shoulder joint with the axe like he was cutting wood, the sound of bone and flesh cracking made everyone in the room want to vomit.

I saw the furnace behind him, I already knew what he was going to do.

"I'll clean up here" Yu Jin reassured ushering for them both to leave, and pulled his shirt over his head to avoid staining it. Dun pushed Guan Ping to get moving, he glanced over at him decapitating the man once more before they exited the room. Yu Jin didn't appear physically sick, in fact determined, like a man who knew what he had to do and was doing it.

I couldn't help but feel terrified of him, how many times have you had to do this, how are you so okay? So, composed? Or yet unbothered.

They reached a large door which Dun opened and ushered him to go in with his head. Guan Ping walked in, the warming aroma filling the air indicated it was where they kept food supplies. Guan Ping paused and sighed as Dun closed the door behind them.

"Wait here" Xiahou Dun instructed and went behind the large stacked crates, Guan Ping looked around him, the smell was distracting he could be physically drooling if not fed within the next few minutes. Xiahou Dun returned with a bucket of water and a rag. "Here clean yourself, I'll get you some new clothes" Xiahou Dun placed the bucket next to Guan Ping's feet and put the rag in his hand. Guan Ping stared at him and Xiahou Dun paused with raised brows. "What?"

"I'm hungry" Guan Ping frowned.

"I know, clean up first" Xiahou Dun's tone was warm and reassuring, and Ping sighed lightly, waiting for him to leave before he removed his clothes.

It almost feels like you never left, and like I was never mad-

Guan Ping tried to cover himself, he didn't hear him come back in, and Dun wasn't subtle in his stares. "Perv" Guan Ping muttered, snatching the clothes from Dun's hands and the latter bit his lips and faced the other way.

"I should have let Yu Jin pull your head off your neck" Dun folded his arms and Guan Ping swallowed, pausing before zipping his pants up.

Dun went on to reorganise the crates around so that there was a small gap under them and threw a fresh pair of blankets and pillow under. "You can sleep here tonight" He offers.

Guan Ping looked at the pathetically set up bed. "What about-"

"I'll clean that up, you just- get some rest" Xiahou Dun dismissed.

Thank you I wanted to say, but it would never come out of me.

"Your welcome" Xiahou Dun responded as if he read his mind. Guan Ping looked offended.

"You're only still alive because of me" Xiahou Dun added, suggesting he was about leave but not actually doing so.

"I don't need you! I did nothing wrong, the man deserved to die" Guan Ping scowled and Xiahou Dun shrugged his shoulders in arrogance.

The two stared at each other intensely, then Xiahou Dun turned his face away. "You should rest" He says again.

"I'm not a child, don't talk to me like one" Guan Ping asserted.

"You're still angry over that" Xiahou Dun pointed out appearing calm, yet his words were provoking.

"Don't you dare!" Guan Ping shoved Xiahou Dun his back meeting the crates. Guan Ping exhaled lightly enough for it to not be noticeable. His chest heaved tensely, and the two were silent for some time, just staring at one another. The sound of a leaking tap can be heard echoing with each drop.

"Don't you dare blame me, I'm not your problem Guan Ping-" Xiahou Dun pushed him back, asserting dominance.

"It was you who left…" Guan Ping reminded, his eyes appear glassy although full of anger.

I could never tell you how much it killed me. And I shouldn't have said that

"I didn't break your heart Guan Ping, your heart was broken before you met me" Xiahou Dun noted passing from next to him.

Guan Ping fell silent, his eyes pinned on Dun's back. His teeth clenched. "You're not even sorry?" Guan Ping mumbled, his fist clenched.

Xiahou Dun scoffed and turned around. "You shouldn't have come here"

Guan Ping's heart sank, his furrowed brows unknotting, he was lost for words, and disappointed rather than angry now.

You're laughing?

Dun step towards him a callous expression on his face. Guan Ping raises his brows as he looks to him, their faces an inch apart. Guan Ping swallows as he looks in to his eyes and then to his mouth.

"You need to leave, I can't help you" Xiahou Dun's voice sounded gentler, he blinked slowly, and then turned his head away. Guan Ping remained looking at him, blinking slowly too.

If disappointment was a person it'd be you, or maybe I never knew you, you're cold and cruel.

"You don't have to worry about me" Guan Ping muttered, and Xiahou Dun snapped grapping Guan Ping's head in his hands aggressively.

"WHY DON'T YOU FUCKING LISTEN FOR ONCE" Xiahou Dun yelled, and Guan Ping's eyes widened as he held onto his arms.

I began to realise very quickly that you and Yu Jin were very alike. But right now, all I wanted was for you to stop touching me, I didn't want your hands on me, I couldn't take being this close to you. But you, you tell me to go but hold me and I-

Xiahou Dun pressed his forehead against Guan Ping's and Guan Ping clenched Dun's wrists.

"You don't realise what you've done, Yu Jin and commander Han Dang have quarrelled for years, the first person who's going to get questioned on his disappearance is Yu Jin" Xiahou Dun explained and then closed his eyes as his forehead pressed against Ping's. "Yu Jin will kill you if you stay, you don't understand the impact of what you've done" He added before opening his eyes again.

"Let go… Please" Guan Ping requested quietly, and Xiahou Dun released him slowly.

Did I want to kiss him? Yes. Did I want to hit him? Also, yes.

Guan Ping moved past him, squatting down to crawl down into the make do bed he offered him under the crates. Xiahou Dun rolled his eyes, sighed and was on his way.

Guan Ping peeked from between the boxes and came back out, he sneaked to the crates of food, helping himself to loaves of bread, cheese, and ham. Only he had nothing to cut them with so he took a full baton of each. He pushed open one of the barrels diving his face in the milk and drinking it ravenously. He then squatted down next to the barrel, biting big chunks of the bread, and alternating between the baton of ham and cheese. He wasted no time chewing, a cold tear drop ran down his cheek, he wiped it with his sleeve and continued to eat, another one dripped down again.

No. Don't cry idiot. Why do you still fucking love him?

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