A Conversation with Mr. Amazon

CS Genre: Futue Fic

A/N: This story was originally posted to Tumblr as part of the "Double Feature Friday" collection flslp87 and I created to pass the time during the hiatus. If it sounds familiar…that's probably why. :-)

Killian stood behind the wheel of the Jolly Roger as she glided through the calm waters of the Storybrooke bay. Twilight was starting to paint the sky, and he thought he really ought to return to the docks before night descended on him and Swan began to worry.

It had been several months since Zeus had granted him a new lease on life, and he and Emma were now married and tremendously happy together.

Killian docked his vessel, and looked out at the colors of the sunset. Normally, a sail was just the ticket to clear his mind and set him to rights, but today was different. After what the lad told him he felt distinctly uneasy.

Would he ever learn all of this land's strange customs?

"Permission to come aboard, Captain?"

Killian turned at the sound of the prince's question.

"As you like mate," Killian said, with a wave of his hand, "though I fear I'm rather dismal company."

"Uh-oh," David said with a good-natured chuckle. "Emma mad at you for something?"

Killian shook his head and sighed. "Not yet, but I suspect that unpleasant event is imminent."

"I repeat," David said, leaning next to Killian against the railing, "uh-oh. Take it from an old married man: if you're considering doing something that's going to piss off the wife, don't. Life is much more pleasant that way."

Killian groaned and ran his hand distractedly through his hair. "That's the thing, Dave," he said, "upsetting Emma is the last thing I wish to do, but after what Henry told me, I fear it's inevitable."

David turned toward him, curiosity evident in his face. "And just what did Henry tell you? I'm a good listener, you know. Might be I could help."

Killian looked at him for a moment and then sighed. "Henry told me that the anniversary of Swan's birth is looming. In two days to be exact."

"Yeah," David said, brow furrowed. "How's that a problem?"

Killian groaned again. "The lad informed me that it is customary in this realm to give gifts to loved ones to mark the day of their birth."

"Well…yeah..," David said. "It was that way in the Enchanted Forest too."

"Not in my time and location within the Enchanted Forest," Killian said. "One's birthday was a day to be noted, and acknowledgement given that another year had passed, but it was not celebrated. At any rate, whatever the customs of my land, Swan was brought up here and, as such, will be expecting a trinket to show my affection for her."

David shrugged. "As you said, you still have two days. Why not buy something at one of the shops in town?"

Killian gave him a disgusted look. "I mean no offense to your fair burg, Dave, but selection in gift items is sadly limited. I perused the various businesses along the main street of town, but I found nothing that adequately expresses my love for your daughter."

"You could always look for something online," David said. "You can get anything you want that way, and with overnight shipping, you can get it in plenty of time for the big day."

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And so it was that David ended up with an endlessly curious pirate sitting in front of his computer (or "magic box" as Hook insisted on calling it) later that night alternately exclaiming in wonder and cursing in frustration as he looked for the perfect birthday gift for Emma.

Snow and Emma had decided to go out for drinks and have a "girls' night" earlier that evening. They were sure to be gone for a few hours. Plenty of time for David to introduce Killian to the wonders of , purchase a birthday gift, and be done with the whole affair before the ladies returned.

Or so he thought.

"How is one to obtain items from this 'amazon' fellow, mate?" Killian had asked, tilting his head this way and that, looking at the screen, turning the laptop around to peer at the back, tapping hesitantly at the keyboard.

Dave set the laptap back on the desk before the pirate could damage it with his hook.

"Oy, Mr. Amazon," Killian said clearly in the computer's direction. "I would like to buy a gift for my wife. What do you propose?"

David chuckled. "Not like that. This box isn't literally magic. Here, let me show you. If you just click on this button here…"

After showing his son-in-law how to use the "search bar" on 's homepage, David stepped away to give Neal his last bottle of the night and tuck him into bed (assuring Killian he'd never help him with anything again if he used his computer to buy his little girl sexy lingere.)

When he returned, David found Killian cursing under his breath and doing his best to shove…was that a doubloon?…into one of the laptop's USB ports.

"I'm warning you, you insubordinate bilge rat," he muttered, "I'll not suffer such insolence from anyone, even one as laden with valuables as you! Accept my payment and complete my order!"

"Killian…" David asked, trying—and failing—to keep his laughter at bay. "Is that a doubloon you're trying to shove into my computer?"

"Aye. The Amazon fellow asked for payment. I'm trying to provide it! Perhaps he'd prefer I pilfer it instead!"

After a moment, David finally took pity on the pirate and put the purchase on his own credit card, assuring his son-in-law he'd accept the doubloons as repayment. They completed the transaction just as their True Loves returned to the loft.

"Don't worry, Killian," David said aside just before the Jones's took their leave. "Emma will love it."

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And love it she had when she'd opened the swan-shaped diamond pendant necklace. She was, in fact, quite exuberant in her "thank yous" late that evening after Henry went to bed.

Altogether, Killian decided he liked this realms tradition of giving birthday gifts—and it's tradition of shopping via the magic box.

Notes:

-Happy Friday, once again! I'm out of town this week, so I thought I'd "recycle" one of my Tumblr stories from the hiatus. flslp87 and I decided to do a project during the hiatus where we each wrote our own take on a particular prompt related to Captain Charming. We had one installment each week. This story was my installment for July.

-I also had another reason for posting this story this week: the story takes place 2 days before Emma's birthday, which just so happens to be today! (I'm basing that on the fact that Emma celebrated her birthday in the pilot, and it aired on October 23, 2011.)

-Up next: I think I'll go with a future fic, assuming the muse cooperates. I went Captain Charming this week. Next week I'll go with a Captain Cobra scene as Killian asks Henry to help him plan the perfect proposal.